I’ve never cleaned my house before.
When Justin left to pick up his sister this morning, I picked up a mop for the first time in years and proceeded to clean my entire kitchen floor. I gave Hailey a roll of paper towels and a bottle of windex too, told her to clean all the parts of the windows she could reach, and she did it with a smile.
She’s such a good kid.
When my housekeeper showed up an hour later, I thought she was going to have a coronary. She actually asked me if there was something wrong, with fear in her eyes, like I was about to tell her she was fired. I just laughed. I was too excited to do anything else. I kept replaying the scenario over and over in my head. Justin would bring his sister in, we’d hug, and start to talk like old friends would. By the end of the week we would become inseparable, and I would ask her to stay. Then Justin would be the happiest I’ve ever seen him.
It would all be so...perfect, and I was naive enough to believe that it would all come true.
When Charlotte walked through that door though, I knew right away that things were going to be much different. I’ve been in this business too long not to know when somebody doesn’t like me.
And this girl really, really doesn’t like me. The sad thing? She doesn’t even know me, doesn’t know how much of a bitch I’ve been in the past, and how much I’ve changed for the better.
It’s like she can just see it on me, all the bad shit.
Justin tried. I have to give him credit for that. He smiled, and made a big deal about the tacky decorations we hung to welcome Charlotte into town, played up Hailey really big and yeah...I guess she was nice to my daughter. Really nice, really genuine, but she didn’t seem like the type of girl who would have been rotten to a little kid.
But she barely anything other than hello to me, and I have a feeling she was strongly holding back a roll of her eyes for her brothers sake.
I don’t know what to think.
She didn’t even come to dinner and...I cooked.
I fucking cooked.
I never cook.
I want to throw her out on her ass, but Justin would never forgive me, and I love him, so I’ll put up with it.
“Hey.”
I don’t turn over, just hug the comforter tighter around my shoulders as I hear him gently walk across the carpet. “Hey.”
The mattress sags slightly, and then I feel his hand on my back, giving it a gentle rub. “You okay?”
“I’ll be okay.”
“I’m...sorry she didn’t come to dinner,” he sighs. “I talked to her about it, and...she’s trying. It’s just weird for her, being here with me, seeing all of this. She’s not used to it, that’s all. In a couple of days she’ll come around.”
“Mm.” I press my lips together and force my tears back. No, not now. Not tonight. This is Justin’s time with his sister, and I can’t spoil it.
“I have some work to catch up on tomorrow,” he whispers. I feel him slide up against me from behind, and soon his arms are wrapped around my waist, pulling me even closer so he can kiss the back of my neck and work his lips down to my shoulder. “I was thinking that maybe you could take her shopping...show her around LA? I called Roy and he said he’ll be here around eleven to take you wherever you want to go.”
“You’re supposed to be on vacation.” I inch away from him but he won’t let go of me.
But of course, I don’t really want him to.
“I am on vacation,” he chuckles and I feel him nuzzling his nose into me. “I’m just getting a couple of things out of the way, you know?”
“Yeah.”
“C’mon, Sarah. Just do this one thing for me, okay? I swear, I won’t ask you for anymore favors, and if it doesn’t work out I’ll get her a hotel someplace.”
“What about the party?”
He sighs.
He doesn’t want a party. He doesn’t want me to introduce him to my industry friends and I know he doesn’t want to bring his personal friends around me. Justin is different. He’s private, and what we have is just...our thing. He doesn’t want the world to know, he doesn’t want our photos to be taken or take advantage of the things I can offer him. He’s just...happy doing what he’s doing. I’m not though. I want more for him, maybe even more for us, and I know how to get it. He just has to be willing.
“Justin?”
“You know how I feel about all that crap.”
“Still, it’ll be a good chance for me to meet your friends, and for you to meet mine. I mean, if we’re going to be together...seriously be together, those things have to come into play at some point. We can’t be living double lives, and we shouldn’t have to date in secret. I mean, unless I embarrass you or something....”
“You don’t embarrass me.”
“Well then...”
“Fine,” he grunts. “Fine, have the party if that’s what you want. I’ll start putting together the guest list.”
I turn slightly. Naturally he looks annoyed, but I expect that from him. “If it makes you that uncomfortable we don’t have to have it.”
“You’re dealing with my sister for me, right?”
I stare back into his eyes. Those bright blue wonderful eyes of his that I get lost in every time I gaze into them. There’s hope there. There’s trust and faith...in us, and I know he wouldn’t be compromising with me right now if he didn’t want to. “I guess so, yeah.”
r32;“So you’ll take her out tomorrow and I’ll go to this party of yours as your boyfriend, deal?”
“Well, I don’t want to bargain with you Justin. I want to introduce you to people as my boyfriend because that’s who you are now...right?”
“Yes.” He rolls his eyes a little but kisses me gently on the lips. “I guess I’m just concerned that this is going to get out of hand.”
“How could it get out of hand?”
“It’s Hollywood,” he chuckles, kisses me again, and reaches out for the lamp on his nightstand. “Everything gets out of hand. Now get some sleep, okay?”
I give him a tight smile. “Okay.”
The light snaps off, I feel his lips on mine in the dark before he pulls me to him again. “I love you Sarah.”
“I love you too.”
I listen for a long time, eventually his breathing grows slow and rhythmic, and I know he’s fallen asleep.
But I can’t sleep.
I just lie there, awake in the dark, with his arms around me, scared as hell about what the next day will bring. The sun is rising before I know it and I realize I haven’t slept at all.
Wonderful.
Justin gets up before I do, as expected. He kisses me gently on the cheek and urges me to wake up in a couple of minutes. I just groan, hoping he’ll get the hint about how much I really don’t want to do anything with his sister today.
“You promised,” he taunts, snickering as he walks into the adjoining bathroom. I hear the shower running seconds later and I know I’ve run out of options. I’ve just gotta do this, and get it over with, as much as I don’t want to.
I take a few minutes to collect myself before I get out of bed, throwing on my bathrobe as I head downstairs, praying that I’ll have a few minutes to drink my coffee in peace before I have to fake a smile for a girl that hates me.
Nope.
She’s sitting there at my kitchen island, drinking some orange juice and eating a bowl of cereal. I don’t say a word as I go make myself a cup of coffee, and I wonder who’s going to speak up first. I wait for it, and wait for it.
But she’s acting like I don’t exist...in my own house.
It’s crazy, and she’s lucky I love her brother so damn much.
“Morning.” I say, as I roughly plop myself down on a stool across from her and begin to mix the sugar into my coffee.
She glances at me and continues to chew. “Hi.”
“I thought we could go out today. Maybe I could show you around. Your brother said you’ve never been to LA before so I’m having my driver come at eleven to pick us up.”
She swallows another mouthful of cereal and shifts around on the stool uncomfortably. She won’t look me in the eyes, and I fully expect her to walk out on me instead of responding.
“I guess so,” she finally says, not without a ton of hesitation in her voice and gets up from her seat. “There’s no other choice if you have my brother doing other things.”
“It was actually his idea. He wants us to get to know each other.”
She starts heading out of the kitchen, but pauses and turns back to me, the disbelief written all over her face. “So it’s true.”
“What’s true?’
“That you’re dating.”
“Yeah, we are.”
We stare at each other. I can tell she doesn’t trust me, and likes me even less. I’m not sure what her issues are with me, but to keep my temper at bay I’ve decided not to get into it with her. Justin hasn’t really said it, but I know me meeting his sister is a huge deal. He’s so secretive about his family and his past, that it doesn’t surprise me. I know if I can make a connection with his sister it might open up a part of him that he’s been neglecting to let me see, and I want that. I want to love every part of him, even the broken one.
“When did all of that start?” She asks me.
“It just started.”
“So what, you’ve just been holding him hostage for the past five years?”
“Not exactly...”
“Well then what you would call it? I mean, I haven’t been able to see my brother...hell, I’ve barely been able to talk to him! You’ve been keeping him so fucking busy with your stupid career he hasn’t had a chance to do anything!”
Her words hit me hard, right where it hurts. It occurs to me that there’s a lot behind her emotions, a lot going on back home that I don’t know about. I don’t know what to say to her, because there’s no excuse for the things I did or how I treated her brother for all that time. Justin and I are at the point now where we’re trying to move past things but that doesn’t mean Charlotte is ready to forget that her brother has been out of her life for so long.
“I can’t go back and change all of that, all I can do it try to make up for the time you missed with him. I promise...this year for the holidays, he’ll get to come home and be with you and your family.”
“It’s too late for that,” she whimpers. “You don’t even know do you?”
“Know what?”
She crosses her arms and scoffs. “Don’t you know about our mother? Do you even know what’s happening to her? Did you know that our dad lost his job and now...now we’ll be lucky if we don’t lose our house? Our brothers won’t even speak to Justin! They think he doesn’t care...but it’s a lie!”
I just stare at her.
“You don’t get it do you? No, you don’t because you’re too self absorbed to care! Our mother will probably die before he gets a chance to have a visit with her!”
“Charlotte!”
I gasp when I see Justin standing there in the kitchen entranceway. His arms are crossed and his eyes are cold and unforgiving, but he’s not looking at me, he’s directing his emotions at his sister right now.
This is bad.
I mean...I knew Justin had a past that he didn’t like to talk about but I didn’t know...I didn’t know it was so serious.
What have I done?
“Apologize,” he tells his sister darkly.
“But Justin...I...”
“I said apologize to her!”
But she doesn’t apologize. Instead, Charlotte bursts into tears and runs out of the kitchen. I hear a door slam, and I know she’s shut herself away again. Now it’s only Justin and I, and we both stare at each other for several moments, baffled and bewildered over what just took place.
“She doesn’t need to apologize,” I finally say. “She’s right.”
“She’s not right. It’s never been a point of mine to make my personal issues your business, Sarah. You know that.”
I watch him as he storms over to the coffee maker and pours himself a mug full.
“Your mom...”
He swallows a mouthful of coffee and roughly puts his mug down on the counter. “It’s fine.”
“Justin...”
“I’m going to get her a hotel. I’m...I’m sorry, this isn’t working out the way I thought it would. I’ll never bother with the idea again.”
“You need to talk to me about this sometime,” I tell him as he begins to stalk off. “It’s not fair if you keep it all locked away from me. We’re supposed to be a team.”
He pauses in the doorway and his shoulders sag but he doesn’t turn to face me. I can tell how much pain he’s in.
I wish I could take it all away.
“We are a team, but I’m not ready to talk about it right now.”
“When will you be?”
It takes him another minute to turn and face me. His eyes are red and watery but he’s not allowing himself to completely lose it. “I don’t know, and I need you to understand that.”
I nod in understanding, and then, instead of cuddling him like a child I do the most unpredictable thing ever. “I still want to take her around today, so...just tell her to get ready.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious.” I cross my arms and narrow my eyes at him, telling him I mean business.
“Well...er, okay. I’ll do my best.”
“Tell her to get over it.”
He gives me a look like I’ve lost it.
Maybe I have.
“Okay then.” He nods awkwardly, and finally leaves.
I sit back down at the island and I wait.
And I wait.
Roy eventually arrives, and I make him wait too.
Then finally, she shows herself. She looks pissed off more than anything, and I’m sure Justin had a few choice things to say to her.
“Are we going? She grunts at me.
“Yeah. Come on.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorrry its been so long. I had a big block that I couldn't get past. I hope I can get more up soon. I have the story mapped out in my head so hopefully I will be able to do it. Enjoy :)
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