“I think it’s a win win situation for everyone involved don’t you?”
I do my best not to sigh into the phone. It’s completely unprofessional, and while I love Sarah, right now it’s time to do what she pays me to do. “I’m not so sure.”
“She needs a manager, Justin. You can’t self manage a thriving Hollywood movie career. Sooner or later, people are going to start losing interest. It’s a managers job to step in and make her marketable. C’mon. You know how to play the game. I know you do.”
I rub my face tiredly. I’ve been on and off the phone all day, making the final preparations for this party and also interviewing prospective managers on Sarah’s behalf. I said I would do it for her while she spent some time with Hailey. After this weekend, I doubt she’ll get much time to do anything besides work and promote, and they deserve to spend time together. Unfortunately that time can’t include me, but I guess that’s what happens when you fall in love with someone.
You make sacrifices.
The time spent with my sister, while limited, was a good thing for the both of us. I was working on and off during her stay, but we snuck in a lot of dinners, even a couple with Sarah (their outing out the mall seemed to diminish all the cold feelings my sister had for my girlfriend). I was even able to sneak in a day with my sister, Trace and a few of his friends at the beach. Charlotte seemed to make it her goal not to talk about the family, just about school and about my life in California. That day renewed me in a sense, took my mind off my aggressions and helped me remember how much my sister means to me. When I put her back on the plane that weekend, she promised she would keep me updated about Mom and try to talk some sense into Harvey, but of course, I told her not to waste her time with him. I just said I would send her checks, and warned her not to drop school.
Things got back to normal for the most part after that. I plunged back into my work, and…into my romance with Sarah, for the most part.
Although, I’ve noticed there’s been something a little off with Sarah since my sister went home. I don’t think it has anything to do with her prior issues. Actually, she’s been doing really well, taking great care of herself. She even hired a highly recommended personal trainer to come to the house and get her in better shape for the summer work load. She’s been a lot more professional on interviews too, much more serious, and friendly to everybody on her payroll. I think her peers are starting to take notice. She’s been getting offered a lot more opportunities, and that means people actually want to work with her.
I’d tell her I’m proud of her, but I guess...we haven’t been talking as much. I’ve been blaming it on work. She’s been busy and so have I...
But that never stopped us from talking before.
Somethings up, and I wish I could say I didn’t have an idea what it could be. But I do. I get it loud and clear.
My sister said something to her. Something that’s freaked her out and she doesn’t know how to approach me about it. The simple solution would be to break down and tell her about mom, about how I’ve done everything I can since the day I moved out here to bury that pain deep within me.
Only now that Harvey has sprung his bullshit on me, am I reminded of it all on a daily basis.
How can I tell her all of it? How can I admit to the one person that I love more than anything, that I’m a deserter? That I just…gave up on my family because I couldn’t take the pain of my mother forgetting who I was?
What if Sarah thinks I’ll turn around and do the same thing to her? Granted, she’s not sick, but it’s the principle of the thing. If I could desert my own flesh and blood what would stop me from leaving her?
It’s times like this that I realize I’m a big coward. I should be able to talk to my girlfriend about these things…about my life and who I am.
Why can’t I?
“Justin, look, I understand. You want a piece of the deal. Don’t worry, we can work something out.”
“You really think that’s why I don’t want to give you the job, Benny?”
“Well…I can’t really think of any other reason why. If I can manage both of their careers together, I think we could all make a lot of money. That includes yourself, you know? You do a lot more than just assistant work and I think you should get some type of bonus compensation. It’s about time for that.”
Benny Winters is Chet McSteven’s manager, and we’ve been on the phone for almost an hour now. He’s trying to convince me that letting him take over Sarah’s career will be the best thing, the only thing that will ensure endless roles and millions of dollars. I’m so unsure. I really don’t like Chet, and I figure..anyone that manages a guy like him has to be a deceptive prick too.
I need to talk to Sarah about this. That’s the only answer I can give him right now.
“Let me talk to her,” I sigh. “We’ll get back to you.”
“I already talked to her,” he laughs. “You wanna know what she said?”
I feel my heart drop into my stomach. “Probably not.”
“She said it was up to you,” he continues. “What do you think of that?”
I think it’s my girlfriend putting all of her trust in me. She knows, in the end, that I’ll do the right thing. At the same time, I know she probably wants this guy to manage her more than anybody else we’ve considered. I can’t lie, he’s not only Chet’s manager, but he has most of hot young Hollywood on his roster right now. As far as Sarah’s career is concerned, it is the right move. The only move.
I’m just uneasy about it. Uneasy because I know how much more time she’ll be spending with Chet once she's signed up with Benny. He’s been after my girlfriend for a long time, and he won’t hesitate to continue to make his move. He could care less that she’s taken, and that she’s taken by me.
“I guess…we should have a meeting then.”
“I knew you’d come around.” I can hear his smirk right through the phone. “How’s next week? Maybe Tuesday? Lunch or Dinner?”
“I’ll check her schedule and let you know.”
“Great. I’ll talk to ya.”
The line goes dead. I don’t know what to think, and I don’t have time to, because the phone has started to ring again.
“Justin Timberlake.”
“Hey baby.”
Her voice is the first thing that’s gotten me to smile all day long. “Hey Sarah.”
“Benny called you right?”
I sigh slightly. “You’re really on top of that particular contact, huh?”
“Well,” she sighs. “I just…think he might be the best person for the job.”
“He told me that you wanted my approval though. Why?”r32;
“Because you’re always the first one to tell me when I’m making a mistake.”
She’s right.
“Justin?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Who else did you have in mind then?”
“No one. They’re all a bunch of idiots.”
“So you like Benny?”
“I didn’t say I liked him,” I sigh. “I guess he just has the best business sense out of all of them, and I refuse to put your career in the hands of someone like Ray again.”
“So…”
“I’ll schedule a meeting…just a meeting.”
“Thank you!” I can hear her huge grin through the phone. “Baby, thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” I laugh. “Let’s see what he’s offering first.”
“I know…I know…Sorry. I won’t get ahead of myself. How’s the party planning going?”
“Invites are all out, and I booked all the other things you wanted. Now we wait.”
“You’re amazing, you know?”
“I try. Hey…I’ve been meaning to talk to you about a couple of things. Maybe tonight?”
“Oh…well…yeah.”
“Maybe I can get the babysitter. We can have dinner?”
“Are we okay?”
“What do you think?”
“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I guess we should talk.”
We both know what this is about, and it only tells me how compatible we really are. We know everything about one another. It’s deep with us.
I hope it lasts, because I really don’t want to lose her.
Not now.
“I’ll be home in a couple of hours,” she tells me.
“Sounds good. Bye baby.”
“Justin.”
I lick my lips and once again, hold back my sigh. “Still here.”
“You know you can tell me anything. I mean, you know that right?”
I stare at my computer screen. It still has that backdrop of my mother and I. I’ve been thinking about changing it to that stupid background of a sky or the water, but haven’t done it yet. “I know I can. I just…I’m not really that type of person.”
“The type that talks to their girlfriend?”
I chuckle slightly. “I warned you.”
“I’ll just talk to you later.” She sounds disappointed.
“Sarah.”
She hangs up. I don’t blame her.
This whole thing has been a risk from the beginning, and I knew that…I told her that. She just didn’t want to give up, pushed it, and forced me to realize some things about her and I. I shouldn’t give up either…I shouldn’t shut her out.
But it’s easier. Just like moving here was easier.
*************
“Come on man, just back up.”
Justin puts his hand on the small of my back and guides me closer to the restaurant’s entrance. I squint when another flash goes off in my face. “Christ.”
“London, just one smile! One more pose!”
I turn slightly and flash my best smile so he’ll stop. But he doesn’t. He begs for another, and another.
I’m exhausted and we haven’t even had dinner yet.
“Look, I said back up! You already got your pictures!” He yells at the guy this time, puts his hand in front of the flash and its enough to make the photographer back off and go back to his waiting place at the side of the restaurants entrance.
“Sorry.” He whispers and takes my hand as the doors are opened for us.
“Not your fault.”
We’re greeted warmly by the maître d and immediately taken to a table in a far corner of the elegant dining room so we can have some much needed privacy.
“This is what you signed up for you know.” I force a small laugh for him as the wait staff tucks us into our seats. “I’d rather not take Roy to dinner so you almost have to play his part some nights.”
He smiles a little. “Did I do a good job?”
“When you put your hand in front of the camera, my heart definitely skipped a beat.”
It gets him to smile, and then waiter is there, ready to take our wine order. Justin orders a bottle of Rose for us, and we end up ordering our salads and entrées at the same time.
“I already know why you want to talk,” Justin says, once we’re alone. “I’m sure Charlotte probably said some things to you while you were alone. Things that I should have been more up front with you about.”
I sigh, and shrug. “I guess I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to talk to me about something like that. I mean, if I’d known sooner, maybe you could have gone home to visit.”
“But I don’t want to visit.” He looks down at the tablecloth and begins to pinch it with his fingers. “I want to avoid that place as much as I possibly can, Sarah. I know you can’t understand. Most people wouldn’t be able to.”
“Maybe if you could just talk to your brother, things might turn around.”
He narrows his eyes. “Things don’t turn around when it comes to Harvey. He made up his mind up about me years ago.”
“I guess I can understand the tension there,” I sigh, and debate whether to continue. If asking him the question that’s been plaguing me for weeks now, is worth bringing up. I’m terrified of his reaction, that he’ll be angry…
Or maybe I’m just terrified that he’ll say what I’m dreading. That he only stayed because he knew his job was a sure thing with me, that his salary would be stable, and that he’d have a roof over his head and food to eat.
I’m…I’m terrified that he’ll say he only loves me out of necessity.
“Sarah,” he huffs. “Just…talk to me. Ask me anything. I’m not going to hold anything back anymore, okay? As hard as it is, I know I need to be straight with you now.”
I look into his eyes, and see only honesty there. It’s the Justin that I love, the one that would do anything for me if it meant we could be together. Maybe I’m wrong, overthinking things, as always. “It’s just that your sister told me about the money issues.”
He nods, but tears his gaze from mine.
“Justin if you need more money…”
“It’s not about that. I don’t want your money, Sarah.”
I sigh heavily. “I just want to…to know, when you came back the day after you walked out on me, was it because you really wanted to stay, or because you needed the salary and a place to stay?”
He looks down at the table for a very long moment, debating his answer, and I feel the urge to hurl start to take over.
“At the time I didn’t know how I felt about you,” he finally says. “Charlotte called and told me what was going on at home. I needed to see her, and I knew that if I took a new job, I wouldn’t be able to spend the time I needed to with her. I…I also knew that, if I stayed, I would have a roof over my head and food, even if it meant my whole check got mailed back home.”
“So you didn’t really care….”
“I did care,” he says quickly. “I didn’t want to leave you, because I knew what it would do to you.”
“That means you felt sorry for me.”
He shrugs. “I guess I did.”
The waiter returns with our order before I can say anything else to him. We eat in silence. I think he knows that what he did wasn’t the best thing, and I’m really unsure of what to say. It’s not like he cheated, or did something really deceptive. He just wasn’t completely honest, and I guess it hurts, because I’ve always been honest with him.
“Look Sarah, I was a dumb ass. I was confused, and I guess I was angry about a lot of things that happened between us, so I decided I was just going to use you. I should have told you about everything, but I’m not a talker. You know that.”
“This just…it sort of changes things, that’s all.”
“You’re going to let this ruin what we have going right now?,” he says, his eyes full of sadness. “We’ve just started, Sarah. I’ve just started to realize that I need to talk about my past with the person I love. I can’t hide from it anymore. I’m sorry that…that I did what I did. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you.” He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Because I do. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, I just couldn’t accept those feelings until recently, because I was afraid.”
I’m finally able to look him in the eye after that, and I can tell he meant what he said. Maybe I’m overreacting. He was confused about a lot of things back then, and my mind wasn’t in the best place either. I should give him the benefit of the doubt, because aside from this, our relationship has been going very well. We’re there for one another, and I think I care about Justin more than anybody else I’ve ever known. “I know…I…I’m sorry. I guess I was just a little hurt, hearing that.”
“Naturally,” he nods. “But I’m not that person anymore.”
I smile a little, and lean across the table. “Apology accepted.”
We kiss for a few moments, and then go back to dinner, leaving the subject about his past, and about what he did, behind. I know the only thing to do is move forward, if we want to be together.
I know I can’t lose him, so I don’t bring up his family again.
Although, eventually, the subject is going to become unavoidable. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it though. For now I’ll just focus on us, and being happy, because my schedule is about to become even more jam packed, and I know Justin is going to be my sanity through it all. I can’t lose him. I’d never survive.
We go back home after dinner, talking and laughing during the ride there, and making love late into the night once we get into the bedroom. Waking up in his arms feels incredible, and when I feel his lips touch the back of my neck to signify that he’s awoken too, I feel that rush inside of me. The one that tells me how much I love this man, and how much he loves me.
That’s all I care about.
It’s my whole world now.
“Sarah,” he says gently, continuing to plant kisses at the nape of my neck, and behind my ears.
“Yeah, baby?” I smile.
“Do you think being with me is better for your career?”
I turn in his arms, and give him a worried look. “What are you talking about?”r32;
“I mean…” He trails off and grabs my lips with his quickly. “Being with someone low key, do you think it’s better for your image?”
“I’ve never really thought about it.”
He pulls me closer to him, and nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck.
“Justin, do you think that?”
“I figured it was my turn to ask the awkward relationship questions, that’s all.”
“Well…I guess I owe you, but…no, I mean, I don’t think dating someone in the spotlight or out of it makes any difference in my career.”
I feel him smiling against me. “Good.” He sucks on my collarbone for a moment, and kisses it a little bit. “There’s my relationship anxieties, out in the open.”
I giggle softly, as he rolls on top of me again, and stares down at me with that killer smile of his. “I’m glad we had this conversation.”
He kisses me, eyes closed, and full of passion. “Me too,” he whispers, before making love to me all over again.
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's been awhile and I'm sorry about that. One of my biggest wishes is to finish this story. I hope those of you that have been reading in the past, continue to read :)
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