“She said you could go on vacation?”
“She said it, but she didn’t really know what that would entail.” I take a huge bite out of my scone and another big gulp of coffee. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say, after I chew and swallow everything. “If anything, I think I cracked her open just a little bit, and that’s better for Hailey. I don’t care how she treats me if it means she’s paying more attention to the kid.”
“You’re warped.”
I shove the last of the pastry in my mouth and wash it down with the rest of my coffee before jumping to my feet, and Trace follows suit. “I know what I’m doing. Hailey needs her mother and London needs to wake up and realize that before it’s too late.”
“Yeah but...I mean, she was handing you a vacation. We could have gone to the islands and met some fine, fine ass women, man.”
I laugh a little, and start to walk. He follows quickly, because he knows the deal. It’s rare I get to spend my lunch hour away from Sarah, but she’s in a meeting with Ray and her publicist, and that allowed me to step out finally after eight hours of being with her. Naturally, the terms were that I drop off her dry cleaning and pick her up a coffee from the specific place that she likes, but I can deal with that.
“I don’t have time for women, Trace.”
“This is why you’re warped. You spend way too much time with that woman, and she doesn’t even appreciate it.”
“She appreciates it...in her own, fucked up way.”
I couldn’t sleep last night. Every time I closed my eyes our conversation began to echo in the corners of my mind. I can’t deny, it was the first time, ever, that she talked me like I was a human being and not a sloth. I’m not sure what got into her. Maybe it was me. Maybe all the things I said made some kind of a difference. I mean, this morning she greeted Hailey at the door and kissed her goodbye when the limo arrived to take her to school. That was a change, she never does that.
But she’s treated me exactly the same as always today, barking at me when her coffee wasn’t the right temperature this morning. Giving me an order to re iron the shirt that her housekeeper had taken care of the night before, because she found a fold in the bottom hem. This morning on the set, she complained that her foot hurt, and so I had to draw up an epsom salt soak in a bucket for her like a groveling idiot. I was forced to sit in the trailer with her while she soaked it, jotting down all the tasks she wanted me to add to my list, to be completed by the end of the day Friday. All of this set production back about an hour and a half, and the director was in a shit mood the rest of the time we were there. He came up to me when we were leaving, and told me that I needed to try and get London to be ‘more cooperative’. I just laughed at him, and when he laughed too, I knew he thought the idea was impractical.
I can deal with it though. I can deal with it all.
“I mean, she’s hot. I can’t deny that she’s hot,” he says with a sigh. “She knows she’s hot too, and maybe that’s why she gets away with the way she treats people.”
“She’s got issues,” I say it casually, because I know I can’t get into details. “It’s all a front. I’m the only one that really sees her for who she is.”
“Issues.” He snickers. “Poor London Pierce, she has millions of dollars. What a terrible life.”
I shrug. “Sometimes the money isn’t everything. You know, I think...I think if she could find the right guy, she wouldn’t even want to be in this business anymore. I think acting makes her feel more secure about herself. She can go out into the world and she doesn’t have to think about who she really is, and having people fall all over themselves to please her, makes her feel powerful instead of useless.”
“Well you’re provoking her,” he points out. “You fall all over yourself to make sure she’s happy.”
“It’s my job,” I nod. “Sad as it is. She needs somebody like me to take the crap that nobody else will put up with.”
“Yeah, I know,” he nods. “I guess I just don’t understand why you take it. I mean, DiCaprio wanted you, so did Cage and Kidman. You were crazy to pass all of that up to stay with her.”
I know. I know and sometimes I think back on it and almost regret not taking those opportunities when they arose. All three of them were more than nice to me. They all had good personalities, and praised me for the work they knew I did for London. I know if I had gone to work for one of them, my life wouldn’t be as stressful.
Cage even said, the offer is always open for me if I decide to come around. Out of the three, he offered me the most money and the most benefits. Offered to show me the world, and possibly help get my acting career started when the time came.
But then Sarah would be left all alone, and last night proved to me, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that she would lose everything if I wasn’t around.
That still doesn’t answer the question of why I stay, though. Despite all of her psychological issues, the bottom line is...she treats me like crap, and I put up with it.
I could say that I stay for Hailey’s sake, but I don’t know. I just don’t think that’s the whole reason.
The thing that hit me the hardest in bed last night, was that I might care about her a little too much. I feel like my emotions are on the borderline with her and they have been for a couple of years now. She’s just so damn helpless, and her ex treats her like shit, comes around and acts like he might want to get back together and spend more time with Hailey, only to bail on them both few days later. It kills Hailey, and it completely pulverizes Sarah.
I hate that guy, but she just keeps letting him in, over and over again. In fact, he’s coming into town next week. He’s a lawyer, used to have his practice here in LA, but moved it to New York City after Hailey was born. I’m not sure about the circumstances of that, but it probably had something to do with him leaving her for another woman.
I swear, it’s where the bulimia stems from.
Nobody is supposed to know about that either, not even me, but I’m too smart. I’ve heard her in the middle of the night, in the early hours of the morning. I’ve heard her in the bathroom during her breaks in the middle of the day, when she thinks nobody else can hear. I always stand outside the door when she’s using the bathroom in public. I’d never want that day to come where somebody else would find out the truth of what goes on with her, and so I don’t allow anybody access until she’s through.
I worry about it, about what it’s doing to her...but I know if I confronted her, she’d go ballistic. Something like that is so private to somebody like her, so personal, that I know I have to back off.
But if she pushes it, keeps going at the rate she’s going, I know...I know something bad could happen eventually.
I try not to think about that part so much, just focus on not letting anybody else find out about it, so a scandal doesn’t arise. It’s the last thing she needs right now, with so much success surrounding her.
“This is just my place for right now,” I finally say. “When the time is right, when I’m completely done, that’s when I’ll leave.”
“Sure.”
I roll my eyes as we step into Sarah’s favorite cafe, and I order her drink of choice quickly before racing out the door. “I’ll call you, okay? I gotta get back to work before this gets cold.”
“You’re really pathetic.”
“I know. But I’m still your best friend.”
“For some strange reason, yeah, you are.”
I smirk, and wave, before hightailing it down the block. I wish I could stay right there and shoot the shit with him for the rest of the afternoon, but it’s out of the question if I want to keep my job with Sarah.
And like I said, for right now...I do want to keep it.
She’s standing outside of the office building with Ray when I walk up. They’re arguing, but when aren’t they? As always, I step right up to her and smile, in an effort to ease the tension. “Columbian Roast, London.”
She looks at me, and snatches the coffee from my hand. “Took you long enough to get back. Do you realize it’s been more than an hour?”
“Look,” Ray speaks over us. “It’s a good idea, great for publicity...”
“I told you I don’t want to do it, Ray! Damn it!”
She stomps her foot and I eye her manager a little bit. “What’s the problem?”
“All they want her to do is host a charity basketball game down at Staples. What’s the big deal? You’ll get exposure.”
“I’m an A-lister!” She yells at him. “I don’t host charity basketball games!”
“What’s the charity?”
She shoots me an evil look. “Don’t you start running your mouth, Justin. Go get the damn car. I’m having Marcia pick up Hailey. You’re going to bring me around Rodeo this afternoon.”
Shopping. With London. What a dream come true. Not only will I get to carry her bags, sit in front of her dressing room with a pile of clothes in my lap while she tries them all on, but I’ll also bare witness to the wonderful way she treats ‘common people’.
It’s one of my favorite things to do with her...
“Just consider it, London. It’s a big deal.”
Ray shoves a booklet at her, which has a picture of some sick kids on the cover. I peer at it more closely, and have to groan inwardly. It’s for St. Jude’s. If she passes this up it’ll be all over the news and radio. People will think she’s a heartless bitch.
“London...I really think...”
I start to say it, but then she turns her head towards me, very slowly, and her glare is so icy it sends chills up and down my spine. “Justin, what did I tell you to do?”
Ray stares at me with a sympathetic look, as if to say, I’m sorry I roped you into this job with her.
But it’s not his fault that I said yes.
“You told me to go get the car.”
“Mhmm, yes, and so what does that mean?”
“That I should go get it.”
“Then just do it! Stop standing around like an idiot and wasting my valuable time!”
I nod. “Of course, London.”
She stops her foot again, and deters her attention back to Ray. They start arguing just like before, and I decide to it’s better to walk away and do as I’m told.
I’m just the lowly assistant, after all.
********
“I swear to Christ, I’m going to change managers.”
Sarah plops the coffee down into the leather lined cup holder as I pull away from the curb. It took her another forty five minutes before she stopped screaming at Ray and finally decided to get into the car. I had to laugh to myself before she got inside here with me. She said I was wasting her time, but then she didn’t even get in the damn car.
How do I survive this?
Why am I not working with Nick Cage right now?
No clue. Not a fucking clue.
“It’s for a good cause, London,” she scoffs, mimicking Ray in a low voice. “People will think you have a big heart, London. Fuck, like I have time for a bunch of kids, right?”
She’s looking at me but I’m not looking at her. My gaze if fixed dead ahead, one hand gripping the leather encased steering wheel, the other on the stick shift.
“Justin, am I right?”
“Sure.”
“Sure?”
“Where are we going?” I mutter.
“What do you mean by sure?”
I finally look at her. Her eyes are wide, her face flushed from yelling for over an hour. “It’s whatever you want, Sarah. It’s your career.”
“Damn right it’s my career.”
“But if you blow this off, don’t come crying to me when your reputation gets trashed by the media.”
“I’m going to say I have prior obligations.”
“People have done that in the past with St. Jude’s and they didn’t get much farther along after that. I’m just giving you fair warning, that’s all. Do want you want to do.”
She’s silent. When I glance at her from the corner of my eye, I see her picking her fingernails and biting her lip furiously. She knows I’m right, knows Ray is right, but one thing Sarah hates more than anything else is admitting she’s wrong...that somebody else knows what’s best for her.
“They’re going to make me wear a basketball jersey. I’ll look so tacky.”
“That’s what you’re worried about?”
“I’m a fashion icon.”
I look at her, at a loss for words. “You’re ridiculous, you know? Those kids are lucky if they make it through the rest of the year and you’re worried about looking tacky?”
She stares at me.
“You could bring Hailey...maybe you could host the thing together. It would make you look really good, spending time with your daughter and those kids, don’t you think?”
“I...” She trails off and presses a finger to her lips, deep in thought. “I guess I never considered that.”
“Yeah. I know you didn’t.” I shake my head and focus back on the road again.
“Okay....okay I guess I should do it,” she sighs. “I know I should.”
“Congratulations,” I mutter. “Now can you please tell me where we’re going?”
“Just give the car to the valet when we get there. I’ll lead the way.”
Of course.
“You know, you could totally do Ray’s job,” she says after awhile. “You come up with some great ideas, Justin.”
A compliment. Something I’ve never heard come out of her mouth before today. I look over at her, see her smiling slightly. She’s gotta be bi-polar or something. I know it. “Twenty minutes ago you were screaming at me to get the car and calling me an idiot. Now you think I come up with great ideas?”
She shrugs a little. “I’m...I was angry. I blew up at you and...well...yeah. I’m...I’m...”
“You’re sorry?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.”
“What?”
“I think that’s the first time you’ve ever said it. Are you sure you’re okay? Should I bring you to the ER?”
“Keep pushing it,” she grunts. “You know, I was being nice...or...I was trying to be nice to you.”
“Well gosh,” I say stupidly. “I’m beside myself. London Pierce herself...thought about my feelings.”
“Screw you. Just get me to Rodeo, already.”
And I follow the order. I don’t feel like arguing with her anymore, because I’m still trying to get rid of all the aggression that built up inside of me when she called me an idiot in front of Ray. I’ve never completely blown up at her before, told her exactly what I think about her, but I came really close earlier today, and just now here in the car. I can’t do that either. It’s unprofessional, and I don’t know how she would react if I said all of it to her and drove her emotionally into the ground, considering she’s so mentally fragile as it is.
But I’m not supposed to know that either.
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