I fell asleep on the bathroom floor, after I hurled, and when I woke up again the sun was shining down on my face through the window. I gasped and staggered to my feet, the only thing running through my mind being Hailey and that it was my fault she was about to be taken away. I was ready to beg Alex, plead with him one last time to rip up that contract and reconsider things. Idiot, idiot, idiot, kept repeating in the back of my mind, over and over and over again.
But after doing a check of the entire house, and making Marcia do the same, I realized Alex was nowhere to be found, and my daughter was still in her bed.
I didn’t get it. I literally stood there in the middle of my kitchen for an hour, trying to remember if he told me he was leaving. But why would he have left with the contract and without Hailey?
“Hey.”
Justin entered the kitchen just then. He had a tray of coffee, a bag of food from my favorite cafe, and a nonchalant smirk on his face as if nothing had happened the night before.
I attempted to run my hands through my hair, until my fingers reached a snag in the rats nest it had become. “Hi.”
He plopped everything down on my kitchen island. “Columbian Roast, Sarah.”
It was so damn..normal. “What the fuck is going on?”
He pulled out a bar stool and gave me a perplexed look before taking a seat. “What’d you mean? I got us breakfast. We have a lot of shit to cover today. Hopefully Hailey will sleep long enough for us to get through it all.”
It was Saturday. Usually an off day for me. A day Justin used to plan out the next week, sometimes with me at his side, sometimes not, depending on my mood that day. This Saturday was different of course. Nothing could be normal about it, because what had taken place the night before changed my life forever.
Or so I thought.
“Where’s Alex?”
He eyed me slightly as he pulled a breakfast sandwich out of the bag and began to unwrap it. “He’s gone.”
“What do you mean gone?”
He shrugged and handed me my food once he was done preparing it for me. “Just what I said. You don’t have to worry about him anymore. He won’t be contacting you again.”
“What...wait...”
“Eat.” He took a bite out of his own sandwich.
I slapped the sandwich down on the table. “Of course he’ll be contacting me again! I signed a contract! Do you not know what that means, you fucking idiot?”
He swallowed slowly, his eyes fixed on me, and I could tell something inside of him finally had it with me. “There’s no contract.” He shoved himself away from the island and got up. “I took care of it. Some fuckin’ idiot I am, huh? I mean, I do you a favor like that and you still view me as a good for nothing. I can’t win when it comes to you. Hell, I don’t think anyone can.”
r32;“You took care of it?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, his expression stern. “And I don’t even know why I bothered. I mean, why should I give a fuck what happens to you Sarah? You’ve treated me...you’ve treated me like the lowest piece of shit on the planet since day one, and you know what? I’m tired. I’m tired of you, and the way you treat other people. I’m tired of how fucking rich and spoiled you are, and how that turns you a manipulative cold hearted douche bag. I’m tired of watching you step all over people until they break, and I’m really, really fucking sick of watching you destroy your kid, because she’s probably the best part of you, and you can’t even see that.”
For awhile it was silent. Pin drop silent. When I met his gaze, I could see that his usually vibrant blue eyes had turned stone cold. He really meant every word of what he said, and the more I thought about it, the more I knew he was completely right about me.
I think it was the first time, ever, that I was able to see myself the way everybody else did.
“Don’t you know how lucky you are, Sarah? Fuck...I...” He dropped his hands at his sides and laughed sadly. “I would give anything to be able to talk to my mom again. Hailey’s right upstairs, waiting for you to come around and be her parent. You just don’t get it, and...and I don’t know if it’s because you don’t care or that you’re just too scared to let her rely on you.”
He’d never talked about his family before, or any aspect of his personal life, and I didn’t know what to say. I employed him, made it a point to put him in his place. “I...Justin...”
He shook his head roughly. “Don’t even bother, you know? This isn’t worth it anymore. Not to me.”
He stormed away, out of the house, and the door slammed loudly behind him.
I wanted to die. Somehow he drove Alex away, and got rid of that horrible contract, all in a single evening. I didn’t even know how I could begin to thank him. I couldn’t. I’d cursed him out yet again, and this time I knew there was no recovery. He wasn’t going to blow it off like he’d been doing for the past five years. I wasn’t getting another chance.
I knew he was done with me, done with the job, and that...that killed me.
It hit me so hard, that Justin Timberlake was the best thing that happened to me since my career started. He was most of the reason I hadn’t lost my mind completely, he kept me going even on the days I could barely get out of bed, and without him...
Without him I knew I would be dead in the water.
I ate my breakfast, and then I hurled. Soon after I finished, Hailey came downstairs, wanting to know where her father was. I had to make up some lame excuse, try my best not to look like a total wreck in front of my daughter. She was important...so important, and I hadn’t been doing right by her. She needed me so much, and I was more interested in my career and shopping, than making sure she was doing okay.
If nothing else, Justin forced me to wake up when it came to her.
I took her to the beach. It was the first time I ever did that with her on my own, instead of dragging Justin along to play babysitter while I napped in the sun. The paparazzi filmed us all day as we walked up and down the beach, snapped pictures in my face and asked all kinds of questions, and I couldn’t ward them off. Still, I kept a smile on my face for Hailey, but I knew I couldn’t continue take another trip that way. I should have called Roy from the beginning...
But I really wanted Justin to be there. He was always able to find that one secluded section of beach where they could never find us. Then he would take Hailey down by the water and they’d play in the sand together while I sunned myself and texted my girlfriends. I never appreciated that, never appreciated anything he did.
When I got home, I sent Hailey off to play, ordered a pizza, and sat in my kitchen trying to come up with a way to make it all up to him. I called him, and called him, left him voicemail after voicemail telling him how sorry I was. Eleven o’clock came around, and he still hadn’t returned any of my messages.
It was hopeless. I hurled up dinner and passed out on the couch, once again neglecting to tuck my daughter in and kiss her goodnight.
I’m still here in fact, the faint sound of the television echoing in my mind as I fight to stay asleep for just a little while longer. I know it’s morning. Morning means its time for work, and without an assistant...I have no idea how I’m supposed to start the day.
“Sarah.”
I think I hear his voice, but I pass it off as nothing, just a dream, and attempt to roll over so I can press my face into the leather couch. Something stops me...a warm hand on my bare leg, and my eyes immediately fly open. I’m about to scream bloody murder too, but then I see who it is that’s sitting with me on the couch, and all I can do is stare at him.
“Do you know I’ve been on the phone with your director all morning?” He sighs tiredly, and rubs his face. “You were supposed to be on set yesterday afternoon, but you never showed. I swear to God, girl...you can’t do anything by yourself can you?”
“Justin?” My voice is raspy, gravely, like sandpaper. I try to clear the feeling away, but it doesn’t work, and I groan slightly.
“Here.” He hands me bottle of water. “You’re white as a ghost.”
I take it from him cautiously, never letting my eyes leave his. I don’t get it. He’s back, but why? He was done, he told me that, and I...I deserved it. I deserved to be abandoned by him.
“Drink it,” he says.
I do. I unscrew the cap and guzzle down the water in a few swallows. “You...you came back.”
He considers it for a few moments, before nodding his head slowly. “I figured the professional thing to do would be to come and talk to you before I resigned, and I guess...after the twentieth voicemail, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t resorted to jumping off of rooftops or swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills.”
I chuckle sadly. “Am I really that much of a mental case?”
“Most of the time,” he says seriously.
“Then why do you stay?”
It takes him a few moments to answer. He stares off into space, up at the ceiling, at the television...anywhere but at me. “I’m not sure why. Sometimes I think I’m doing it for Hailey, but...I know that’s not the whole reason.”
“I...I took Hailey to the beach yesterday.”
He smiles but doesn’t look at me. “How was it?”
“We got mobbed by the paparazzi,” I laugh. “I felt like Britney Spears.”
“Nah. You’re bigger than her. You’ve turned into one of those starlet chicks,” he chuckles. “Can’t go anywhere without a security detail. I remember when I first met you, you were like this tiny blip on the radar, an up and comer with a ton of drive. Now look at you. You have fragrances and line of hand bags coming out in a few months. Everybody wants to be like London Pierce. It’s corny as hell, but I feel like I watched you grow up or something.”
“You did in a way,” I say softly. “You’ve been here through it all and I...I know I’ve treated you like absolute crap through it all, Justin. You put up with it, and I know...if you’d given up, I probably wouldn’t be sitting here in this massive house with you.”
He looks at me.
“Going to the beach wasn’t the same without you there,” I say, seriously. “I felt...lost...I guess. I couldn’t find that patch of beach you always do...the one where they can’t find us.”
“I’m pretty good at that,” he whispers, and laughs as he looks down at his lap. “It’s a God given talent.”
“Justin.”
“Yeah.”
That light has returned to his eyes. That carefreeness that’s always been in them, even when I was treating him horribly.
“Justin I...thank you, for what you did. I blew up at you, when I should have been saying that, and I hope you can forgive me...eventually. I hope you can forgive me for a lot of things. You had every right to say the things you said to me yesterday. I needed to hear them, because I know they were all true.”
“Well...I’ll give you a pass on the douche bag part,” he chuckles slightly. “You’re more like a bitch.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.” I laugh out loud. “I never thought I’d hear you say such a dirty word about me though, Justin. It was kind of...neat.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Neat?”
“Yeah.”
“Well...I guess I’m glad there’s no hard feelings,” he says gently. “If anything, this was a good learning experience for me.”
I just nod. I can feel it coming on, that he’s going to tell me he’s quitting. I brace myself for the worst.
“Sarah.”
“Hm.”
“I...after Paris...”
“I get it,” I whisper. “I know you have more than enough reasons to leave. I can start looking for a new assistant when we get back.”
“No.”
“What?”
“I was going to say...” he trails off and smiles. “After Paris, I thought maybe...I could get that vacation. That is, if you still want me to be your assistant.”
I feel the smile spread across my face, and the tears start to push themselves out from behind my eyes. “You want to...stay on?”
“Yeah. I know you’d tear your hair out otherwise, and I guess you’ve...grown on me or something. Plus, who the hell is going to put up with London Pierce? It’s one of those things that takes time to learn, and I know you...you don’t have the patience for that.”
I sob. “I don’t deserve you. Not after the way I’ve treated you.”
“Hey.”
I finally look up at him. I see Justin, that look in his eyes that tells me he’s here for me...here for my daughter, and that he isn’t going anywhere. I don’t get it. I don’t understand why he’s giving me another chance. Yesterday should have been the last straw and I was almost prepared to accept it. “Justin...”
“Look, Sarah...it may be the most fucked up thing you’ve ever heard me say, but I feel like you’re family. It’s been five years, and you’ve basically been the only person I’ve spent my time with. Going to work for somebody else just wouldn’t feel right. I’m used to you and Hailey...I’m used to my life like this and I guess I’m not ready for it to change.”
“Well things are going to change, Justin. I’m going to be a lot less demanding...and when it’s your day off, I’m going to just...leave you alone, and when...”
“One thing at a time, okay?”
I sniffle and smile softly. “Okay.”
He pecks me on the cheek lightly, and it’s amazing...wonderful to feel his lips on my skin even though it doesn’t really mean anything. He’s just being himself. That sweet, down to earth guy that’s always taken care of me no matter how hard things were on him.
“Come on, let’s get your director on the phone so you don’t get canned.”
I let him pull me to my feet, lead me away for the tasks of the day, and I’ve never felt more whole...never felt more secure.
And I never want to lose him again.
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