“London! Top left! Top left!”

“London, this way!  Big smile!”

She twists and turns on the pink carpet, dazzling the cameras with her million dollar smile as the flashes snap off, one after the other.  I’m in my usual spot, at the end of the row, holding her gaudy purse (a prototype for the unreleased line) and waiting patiently as she makes her way down the line of photographers, with Roy an arms length away.

“How are things at the house?”

“Normal,” I say gently, barely making eye contact with Ray.  I can’t right now, I can only focus on her because I guess...

I guess I’m worried.

I don’t know.  Whatever it is, I definitely don’t want to talk to Ray about it.  He panics at the slightest thing that goes wrong, just like Sarah does, and five years of experience has taught me it’s better to keep my mouth shut about certain things.

Sarah smiles at me as she turns towards the next section of photographers, and of course I return it.  

She’s doing okay today, she’s having fun right now and that’s saying a lot because usually she whines and complains about doing things like this.  She woke up this morning and told me that she was excited to be attending the Breast Cancer benefit.  She even asked me if I could help her figure out what to wear, and when her stylist arrived, it was my opinion alone that helped her decide how she wanted her hair.  It was good, a change from how the rest of the week went.

While she’s been about a thousand times better when it comes to our working relationship, mentally...she’s still not doing well at all.  She’s still vomiting constantly, in supposed secrecy at home, even though I can hear her clear as day and Marcia can too.  I’m pretty sure she’s skipping meals whenever she can, always talking about losing ten or fifteen pounds before Paris when we’re working out the details.  I’ve quietly voiced some concern with her, which she’s basically laughed off, just called me ‘cute‘ for caring.

But I’m not being cute.  I know she’s getting sick.  It’s transparent, written on her face.  When the lights go down and I bring her home, I see her for what she is ...a shell of a person.  When that makeup comes off, that bronzer and other shit that gets smeared all over her when she goes in to film, she’s as pale as a ghost...weak, tired, and run down.  She’s always up before I am lately, and it scares me, because I usually come down, dressed and ready to go out and grab Sarah’s morning coffee by six.  It means she isn’t sleeping well.  I’d say I don’t understand why, but I do...I understand all too well.

She’s under too much strain, and...she may have started using drugs.  Which ones, I don’t know, and I’m too scared to find out.

Between her filming schedule, her endorsements, the photo shoots, the interviews, and the meetings, she barely gets a second to herself.  Then, she turns her attention to her kid when she finally has the time.  Lately, anyway.  She’s been doing really well in the parenting department, and Hailey, in turn, has been much happier, and more free spirited.  When I pick her up these days, she’s all smiles.  School isn’t such a torture for her anymore, because Sarah talks to her about it, and deals with the issues like she’s supposed to.  I really am proud of her.

But I know what kind of a toll it’s taking.  There’s just not enough time in the day for her to get everything done and still get a break.

Seeing all of this unfold in front of me, proves that she wouldn’t have lasted very long if I had gone through with my plans, and quit on her.  Even with me here, she’s barely holding it together, and that’s only because I’ve been racing around like a maniac to make sure she gets where she needs to be and does what she’s agreed to do.  I’m really tired too, I can’t deny that, but at the same time...I know how to take care of myself.  I eat decent, sleep when I’d rather be doing other things, and make sure I get into the gym at least twice a week.  I was doing all of that before of course, but I guess...ever since our talk, she’s changed a lot, respects me a lot more and treats me like a valued member of her team.  It’s given me that boost I need I guess.  It keeps me going.

I guess I can say that I’m glad I stayed, even though...the reason I made that decision wasn’t because I felt bad for her.

I have issues of my own, that I knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with if I started a new job.  While Nick Cage would have been the ideal boss, he also would have needed a hundred percent of my focus the first couple of months, probably with no real breaks.  When I got that phone call from my sister, I knew there was no way I could have given it to him.  Not if I needed to take a week off so soon.

It was good to hear her voice.  It’s been months.  She’s busy with school and the part time job she works to help dad out.  At first I thought she was just calling to say hello, to catch up with me and make sure I was ‘surviving’.  She knows my job can be stressful, even though I haven’t gone into specifics with any of my family members about exactly who it is that I work for.  The most they know is that I work for somebody in the entertainment industry, and that’s been good enough for the past five years.

But my sister is going to find out who I work for all too soon.

“Dad is getting laid off.”  She said it in the middle of our carefree conversation, like she couldn’t hold it back anymore, but felt guilty as hell for springing it on me like that.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes...”  she trailed off and I heard her whimper slightly . “They might close the factory too.  We won’t know for a couple of months, but in the meantime dad is out of a job starting next Monday.  I...I don’t know what to do.  He says I might have drop school if he can’t find a job soon.”

“You’re not dropping school,” I said sternly.  “You promised me...no matter what happened...”

“I know what I promised Justin!  Why do you think I feel so bad!”

“What about the boys?”

“The garage isn’t doing so well either.  I mean, they aren’t going to close, but they aren’t making enough to pay for my tuition on top of everything else.  Harvey is going to take over dad’s bills for him as it is.”

My brothers opened their own garage and auto supply store shortly after I left.  We don’t speak.  They hold a grudge against me for leaving.  What they really wanted was for me to work for them and help the family.

But I couldn’t do that.  I couldn’t face the truth about mom.

I still can’t.

I sighed harshly, and mentally began to calculate my income.  After my mother’s medical bills, I was left left with about a thousand dollars a month to live on.  I didn’t need much.  Sarah let me eat her groceries, drive her cars, and live in her house.  If I gave the rest of my check to Charlotte to cover her school fees, I knew it wouldn’t be the absolute end of the world.  

I knew I could still survive as long as I still worked for Sarah.

“I can help you out,” I said quickly.  “I can give you about nine hundred...maybe a grand a month if you really need it.”

“Justin...I can’t...you can’t...”

“I can.  It’s all right Char.  I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t have it.”

She sniffled and sobbed into the phone.  It took every ounce of stamina inside of me not to break down too.  Out of all of my siblings, I had always been closest with my sister.  She was younger than me, but she was also the one who understood me the most, and didn’t hold it against me when I decided to leave.  I missed her, and I wished I could have been there to hold her instead of listening to her cry over the phone.

“I really wish I could see you,” she finally said.  “I miss you so much, J.”

So I did what any good, caring brother would do.  I took a risk, even though I was sure Sarah would hate the idea of me having a visitor.  “So I’ll get you on a plane...next month.  You can come out here.”

“To Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, of course,” I chuckled.  “I’ll give you a tour.”

“I thought you...you were too busy for a vacation.”

“I think I can work something out.”

That’s when I decided to finally use Sarah just like she’d always used me.  I would stay on for my sisters sake, I would get my vacation, and I would finally be able to spend time with her after five years.  I needed that, I realized, very desperately.  So, after we get back from Paris, I’m taking the following week off to spend with my sister.  I already talked to Trace, and he’s welcomed us to stay at his place for the week.  I’m so thankful for him, and I have no idea why he’s still friends with me, because I barely see him.  He sticks by me, but I guess I would do the same for him if our roles were reversed.

“The director of the new movie called me last night.  The one she read for last week,” Ray continues.  “She got the part.  Filming starts the week you get back from Paris.  While you’re away, I need you to make a detailed outline of next month for me, so we can work her agenda around the filming.  She’ll wrap this one up next week, so you won’t have to worry about her filming two movies at once.”

I should be happy for her.  This role is no oscar winner, but the movie should be one of those summer comedies that turns into a blockbuster.  It will give Sarah’s career the next boost up that she’s been looking for, and I guess I’m happy for her....

At the same time though, I know what this is going to mean.

“Well I sort of...I was going on vacation when we get back...”

“Vacation?” He snorts.  “Justin, you know I completely understand that you work your ass off.  London and I really appreciate that too.  Just this morning on the phone she was going on and on about how wonderful you are.  But right now, she has a lot on her plate.  We can’t afford for you to take a vacation right now.  I promise, once the holidays come around, you can have all the vacation time you need.”

I should have figured.  Sarah, naturally, has no idea what kind of effort is involved for me to take any kind of a vacation.  If she feels she has nothing for me to do, Ray will give me a reality check.  He’s right.  There’s a ton of shit going on, that I need to make sure gets taken care of, because Sarah won’t be able to do it without me.

But fuck...my sister.  I need to see her.

“My sister was supposed to come out,” I murmur, and shove my hands in my pockets.  “I haven’t seen her in five years, Ray.”

He’s quiet for several moments, and I know he probably feels a little bad.  He’s not a cold hearted guy, he knows people have lives, but this business comes first, and of course I understand.  

“So have her come out.  She can stay at the house.”

“Oh I don’t know,” I say quickly, and let out a nervous laugh.  “I mean...”

“Why not?  There’s plenty of room at London’s and I’m sure she won’t have time to care who you have there.  It’s your sister.  It’s not like you’ll be having sex on the couch.”

I swallow hard.  “No...we won’t be.”

“Fine, then it’s settled.  She’ll stay at the house, and you’ll still be able to work and get to spend time with her too.  All good?”

The last thing I want to expose my sister to is this business.  It’s too cut throat, and I know how sensitive she is.  If she sees the crap that goes on with Sarah, I know she’ll tell me I need to get out of LA.  That’s not what I want.  I don’t want to go back home, and I guess that part of me that was so driven once upon a time is still convinced that I’ll be able to have the career I want one day.

And I guess the other thing about it is, I don’t want Sarah to know the details of my personal life.  I don’t want her worrying about me, about the things that have happened to my family, and continue to happen.

She has enough issues.

“Justin?”

I finally look up at him.  “Yeah, yeah that sounds good.  Thanks, Ray.”

“Perfect.” He winks at me and slaps me lightly on the back before focusing his attention back on Sarah, who has finished her photo op for the evening.

“I forgot how much fun that was.” She grins and holds her hand out for her bag.  “How’d I look, Justin?”

I hand her back the purse and flash my best smile for her.  “Like a star, as always.”

“You hear that Ray?” She giggles.  “I’m a star.”

“Yeah yeah,” he huffs and steps forward, giving her a gentle pat on the back.  “Let’s get inside before your ego blinds me.  Oh, and by the way...you got the part.”

She squeals.  “No way!”

“Way.”

“Omigod, Justin!”  

She throws her arms around me, which takes me by surprise, but I let her do it, just because Ray seems so pleased and there’s nobody waiting to get by us.  

“Isn’t it great?,” she says, not releasing her arms from around me.  “I just know it’s going to be a big summer hit!  That means my name will probably come up for something big in the fall!  It’s like everything is finally coming together...Justin...”  She pauses and pulls back from me, smiling as she stares into my eyes.  “You’ve been great.  You really have been.”

“It’s nothing, London.” I nod and smile.  “I was doing my job.”

“Well whatever.  You definitely deserve that vacation that’s coming up.  I’m not letting anything get in the way of that.”  She loops her arm through mine.  “And I’m going to let you be my date tonight.  You never know...somebody might spot you and cast you in a movie or something...”

“London...”

“And you haven’t said anything about my bag.”  She pulls me along, beyond Ray, even beyond Roy who immediately races to catch up with us as we head inside.  “What? Is it too tacky or...”

“Listen.”  I stop her once we’re through the doorway and stare back into those eyes of hers.  They’re brilliant tonight, the little gold flecks lit up like a thousand little pieces of a kaleidoscope, and I’m halfway lost in them before she snaps me out of it.

“What? What’s the matter?”

“Um...”  I sigh, and rub my forehead, squeezing my eyes shut so I can collect my thoughts.  “I can’t take that vacation right away.  There’s too much to do.”

“Bull.  Is this Ray’s idea?”

“Well it’s just that...”

“Ray!  RAY!”

There’s no stopping her when she’s determined, and I decide to shut my mouth as Ray comes over to us and she starts screaming at him like she used to scream at me.  Better he gets the heat I guess...but at the same time I don’t want to deal with this either.

“It’ll be like a vacation.” I hear him say.  “He’ll have downtime, London.  It’s just that right now...”

“No Ray! I promised him!”

“He’s fine with it!  Justin...aren’t you fine with waiting?”

“Of course,” I manage.  “It is what it is.”

She huffs harshly and places her hands on her hips.  “Well I’m not happy with that.  I’m not happy at all.  I made you a promise, Justin.  It’s not fair.”

I’m proud of her for realizing the realities of life, but there’s no other choice.  “I wouldn’t have agreed if it wasn’t vital for me to stay on the job, London.  You have a lot going on and...”

“His sister is coming into town,” Ray interrupts.  “She’s going to stay at the house, and they can spend time together.  So in a way, he’ll get to have some sort of vacation.”

I feel sick to my stomach, while Sarah just seems more excited about that idea than ever.

“You...you have a sister?” Sarah says, her eyes wide and curious.  “You never told me that.”

I shrug.  “I didn’t really see the need.”

“Well...well this is just...awesome!  I mean, who better to have around than another girl, right?  How old is she?”

“Twenty one,” I mutter.

“Even better!  We can go shopping and gossip about how you used to act when you were a kid!  Just think, I’ll finally be able to get a full unabridged version of your life story, and you won’t even have to say a word!”

“Great,” I say, sarcastically.  

“Oh lighten up.”  She rolls her eyes and nudges me in the ribs.  “It’ll be fun!”

I hope she’s right.
**************
“So I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other, huh?” He smiles slyly as he whispers it in my ear, and I can feel his face getting closer and closer to my neck as the seconds pass.  

I swallow the pills with my champagne, some uppers, just to give me the boost of energy I need for the rest of the night, and laugh softly as those lips finally land on my neck, causing my heart to beat furiously in my chest.  “I guess so.”

“You know, I told them.  I told them there was no way I would take the part unless you were going to be my co-star.  I guess they took me seriously.”

Chet McStevens is one of the hottest stars on the radar this year.  An up and comer from a sitcom on Fox, he’s really been making his way up the movie chain since he came out of television.  He has talent.  More than I’ve seen in awhile.  Doing a movie with him, I know, is going to be huge for my career.  I can tell how excited Ray is about all of this.  He knows it’s going to bring in more revenues and more career opportunities than we ever thought possible.

I’m happy.  I am.

I guess I’m just hoping that I can keep up with everything.

I look out over the balcony, surveying the glamourous nightclub below, as Chet continues to kiss my neck and I continue to give into him.  I see Justin at the base of the stairway that leads out onto the night club floor, guarding the entrance so nobody can come up here and spy on us, since Roy is doing his usual laps to ensure my safety tonight.  It was fun being with Justin at the benefit.  So many of my colleges came up to us when they saw him on my arm, curious as to who he was and what kind of role he played in my life.  They thought it was sweet when I told them all he was my assistant, told me they wished they could treat their ‘people’ more like that.

But as I’ve come to realize, Justin is a lot more than just part of ‘my people’.

He’s a friend.  At least, I think he is.  I don’t think he would have gone through what he did to drive Alex away otherwise.

I’m looking forward to meeting his sister, and even though he can’t get the full vacation I wanted him to have, I fully intend on giving him as much ‘down time’ as possible while she’s here.  I don’t know why, but I really want to make a good impression on this girl.  I’m not sure what he’s told her about me, if anything.  My guess is she doesn’t even know who her brother works for, because Justin is so damn private about everything in his life.  I’ve been racking my brain over the past week, trying to figure out what could have happened that’s made him so closed off.  I guess it could be a lot of things.  Family sticks out in my mind, mostly because he’s never discussed them with me, or with anyone.  I know how that is.  My family is long gone and I do my best not to think about them.  My dad left when I was three and mom ran off with husband number five while I was pregnant with Hailey.  I haven’t heard from either of them since, and I hope I never do.

“How about we get out of here,” Chet whispers in my ear, drawing my attention away from Justin and back to him.  “I’ll take you back to my place.” His hand inches its way up  my thigh and underneath my dress.  “Maybe we can rehearse some of those lines,” he laughs.  

“Well I...”  I smile at him, and gently push his hand back to where it belongs.  “I have to be on set in the morning.”

He pushes to get his hand back where it was, and dazzles me with that smile of his once again.  “So I’ll bring you.  C’mon.  I think it’s the perfect time for this...you know, a stepping stone to our working relationship.  You’re a beautiful woman, London.  I'd love to spend more time with you off the set if I can.”

I don’t really keep boyfriends.  Partially, because I’ve been waiting for Alex to finally give in for all these years, and also because...I don’t have time.  Now that Alex is out of the picture, I’m sure Ray would love for me to pair myself up with somebody like Chet, get my name floating around in the tabs, create a media frenzy.  I’d get more offers, more endorsements.

But something is holding me back from giving in to him tonight.

And I’m not sure what it is.

“I should get back home tonight.  My sitter will be pissed if I make her sleep on my couch.”  I flash him a dazzling smile, push his hand away from me, more forcefully this time, and slowly start to get up from the comfortable sofa.  My head starts to spin immediately, once I’m on my feet, and I find that I’m staggering around, not able to find my own way to the staircase.  I guess champagne, uppers, and that hurl I took in the bathroom after the benefit weren’t the best mix.

I have to lose that weight though if I want to look my best in Paris, and my...weight loss, makes me tired, so the pills help...

I don’t know anymore.

I think I might...I think I might be losing my grip a little bit.

But I can’t.  I need to learn how to handle all of this, because other people do it, and they’re just fine.  I know they are.

“Whoa...” he laughs and grips my arm right before I’m able to fall to the floor.

“Sorry.” I laugh stupidly. “I’m a little...drunk, I think.”

“It happens to the best of us.”  He pulls me closer to him and starts kissing my neck once again.  “Come on, come with me.  I’ll take care of you.”

I’m starting to get drowsy.  Everything is spinning and I find that my eyelids are starting to droop.  I need pills.  More pills.  “Can you get my pills?” I whisper as he continues to put his hands all over me.  “I need more.”

“You’ll be fine,” he reassures me, and gives me a light push so I’ll walk forward.  “I’ll take care of you.”

I barely here him.  I just let him guide me forward to the stairs, and he helps me walk down them slowly, but surely.  The bass gets louder, and deeper, as we reach the night club floor, and then we’re right at the foot of the stairs.  I see Justin, holding my purse, his arms crossed, scowling because I’m sure Chet is still kissing my neck.

“You ready to leave?”

“It’s all right man,” Chet says.  “We’re going back to my place.  I’m having a party.”

He stares at me, but I can’t even look at him.  I’m starting to feel sick, and so I just lean my head against Chet’s broad chest.

“I’m not letting you take her anywhere like that,” Justin protests.  “London, come on...I’ll get you home.”

“Okay...”

He reaches out for me, but Chet pulls me back, away from Justin and closer to him.  “I said we’re fine.  Get lost.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the neon lights from the club flash across my assistants face.  I can tell how angry he is, how much rage has filled his eyes, because he knows what’s best for me.  He really does, and I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t go with Chet...

Who knows what will happen if I do?

“I said she’s not going home with you.”  Justin storms towards us, rips me from Chets arms, and shoves him backward.  r32;

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“In charge,” he mutters, and drapes one of my arms around his shoulders.  “She’ll see you on set.”

I don’t even say anything.  I can’t.  I’m too much of a mess, too drowsy, too weak. I just let Justin lead me away, not caring that I may have just ruined a really great opportunity.  Ray...Ray will probably be angry later.

But I can’t focus on that right now.

“London.”  

The fresh air hits my face, and I realize quickly that Justin has gotten me back outside the club.  I hear shouts, screams of my name, and I can feel the flashes from the camera’s all around me.  “Hmm.”

“C’mon, stay with me.  Roy’s getting the car for us.  London...”

My head droops and he keeps me close to him.  “I messed up,” I whisper.

“Messed up?”

“With Chet.  He wanted me to...”

“It’ll be fine in the morning.  He would have...just...don’t worry about it.”  He reassures me and props me up higher.  “What’d you take up there?”

“Nothin’.”

He sighs.

“London! London!”

Flash Flash.

I feel Justin get shoved at some point, and he swears loudly, curses at them to get back.  By this point, I’m just delirious, and then I feel somebody on the other side of me, gripping my arm harshly, pulling me forward.

“What happened?”

Roy.

“I don’t know.  She was about to leave with that ass, Chet.”

“Good thing you caught her.  You know the type.”

“Yeah.”

I’m put into the back of a car moments later.  My head hits the soft leather seat, somebody sits down beside me, and then I hear the door slam shut.

“Sarah.”

When my eyes open again, I find that I’m being cradled in his arms, and he’s staring at me with more concern in his eyes than I’ve ever seen before.  Sure, he’s been telling me lately that I look sick, that he knows I’ve taken my diet to the extreme.  I blow him off because I can handle it.  “Hey.”

Justin caresses my cheek, brushes some hair out of my eyes before smiling at me slightly.  “I need to know if you’re going to be okay.”

“Mmhm.”  

My eyes close again.

“I can take you to the ER.”

I shake my head, and my body seems to force me to drift off to sleep.  Just before I do though, I can feel...I can feel a touch of lips to my forehead, and I know they’re his.

“I...I’m worried about you.”

It’s the softest of murmurs, and I guess...if I was more coherent, not a train wreck that’s gotten mixed up in pills and puking every night to gain self respect, I would thank him for this, because...deep down, he’s probably the only man in my life that cares about me, Sarah, instead of London Pierce.

But I can’t.