Justin’s POV:
I swear things were happening so fast that I couldn’t get a grip on anything. Anything except that little baby I was holding, until Sasha snatched her away from me. I was about one minute away from snatching her bald-headed for taking my baby away when I realized that Tara and I needed to really talk, and I couldn’t focus on that while holding her – the baby – I mean, Riley.
Riley Katharine. What a pretty name.
Wish I’d been able to have a say in naming her, though. Which I brought up immediately when we were alone.
“Why did you do this, Tara? I’m sitting here in disbelief that you could’ve done some shit like this to me.”
She stopped looking so peaceful and started looking pissed off, but I didn’t care. She was wrong to deprive me of knowing that I have a kid in the world, much less letting me experience everything about the kid. Shit, I was as fucking pissed off as she was.
“Justin, you were living like some kind of dirt bag out there in L.A., chasing ass and drinking, doing drugs and all kinds of shit that I probably didn’t hear about. You think I wanted to go through this alone? You don’t think I wanted you there with me, helping me and supporting me? You know, I was almost four months pregnant when I left you, Justin. Four months. And you didn’t notice anything different about me at all. There was a time when I couldn’t have gained five pounds that you wouldn’t notice and you were to doped up to see that I was having morning sickness and gaining weight. You think I wanted that lifestyle for my baby? Living in that house with all your stinky friends smoking up the place—“
“Wait a minute,” I interrupted her. “She’s not just your baby. She’s our baby. You fucking know as well as I do that I would’ve straightened the fuck up if I knew you were pregnant! I would’ve done anything you needed – you know I would’ve supported you the way you needed!”
She was blaming me for shit that was out of my control. And if she felt so bad about the house and my friends being there, why didn’t she just say something? Women, I swear. They’re fucking crazy.
She shook her head at me, eyes blazing. “I shouldn’t have to tell you shit all the fucking time, Justin. Some things you’re just supposed to know when you decide to grow up.”
Okay, so now I wasn’t a grown-up?
“You didn’t give me a fucking chance to be a grown-up, T. Maybe I was partying a lot but I know what’s fucking important in my life!”
She stopped looking mad and her eyes filled with sadness. “That’s just it, Justin. I waited for you to want to settle down and just be with me. I couldn’t believe it when I found out you were cheating on me again. I couldn’t believe that you didn’t notice that I was pregnant and needed your attention. I thought you and I were connected but it turns out that we were living in two different worlds. And my world was consumed with having this baby and making sure it had everything it needed. I put that before anything else.”
Her words were like a kick in the gut. I knew she was right, but she could’ve fucking told me, right? Given me a chance to act decent and be a real man and father to this baby. God, I still couldn’t believe it. I was a father. I needed to be telling my mom this, I needed to jump up and down and celebrate. I needed …
I needed a fucking drink, is what I needed. This was nuts.
But Tara still wasn’t entirely right. “You should’ve at least told me a given me a chance, T. We can argue all fucking day about this but you know I’m right on that one.”
She sat there gazing at me for a moment and I gazed back, wondering why she didn’t just let me know. I would’ve changed. I would’ve acted right. I loved the hell out of Tara and she knew it, even if I was being an ass, I still loved her. She owed me that chance and she knew it.
Sighing, she finally conceded some on the matter. “Look, Justin … maybe I didn’t make great decisions regarding our relationship. I can admit it – I was having all kinds of hormone changes and I couldn’t deal with the fact that I was having your baby and you were so busy cheating on me that you didn’t even notice. I can admit that I was being petty, not telling you. But I’m not sorry because I’ve put up with shit from you for years. Years, literally, Justin, and I always make concessions for your behavior and pretend that everything’s okay. This time I had to put myself and my baby first.” She stopped talking for a second and closed her eyes briefly, then continued on.
“I couldn’t hang around there worrying myself sick over what you were doing every night. I loved you, Justin. I moved all the way out there to be with you. I went on tour with you when you wanted me to. I kept a job I didn’t really want to keep so I could be with you every available moment that you wanted. And what did you do for me? Huh? What the fuck did you do for me except betray my trust all over again?” Her voice was trembling and I could see her eyes were brimming with tears.
Shit.
What the fuck do you say to all of that? When you know you’re wrong? When you know she’s wrong too?
We both acted stupid but neither one of us wanted to give an inch. But after listening to her, hearing how hurt she was and thinking about how scared she must’ve been made me concede to her a little bit.
“Tara …” I couldn’t stand to see her cry. I never could, in all of our years together, the one thing I absolutely could not stand was to see her cry. Because she never did, you know? She never cried about her parents, she never cried about anything. T was tough, despite her delicateness. She was like a fucking soldier, getting on with shit and not letting her emotions get in the way. Well, then again … she was that way with everything but me. Only I could make her cry and that’s why it hurt so much when she did shed tears. I always knew it was because I fucked up.
And isn’t that what I do best when it comes to this woman that I love so much? Yep, I fuck shit up. It’s my goddamn specialty.
She closed her eyes again and I could see her willing back the tears. She refused to cry in front of me, I could see. She didn’t want me to see her weaken. Right in front of me I watched her resolve come back and saw her steel herself. She held up a hand at me as if to say, “stop”.
“This isn’t why I asked you to come here,” she said, suddenly calm.
How the fuck did she do that when I was ready to pull my hair out?
“I asked you here because I knew you needed to know. I may be late about it, but I’m trying to make up for it now by having you here. I want you to be Riley’s father in every way possible, Justin. Let’s take that and just move on, okay? Be here for your daughter. As for you and me …” she paused for a moment and took a deep breath, “let’s just leave that where it is. Or where it was, when I left L.A. I’m staying here in Maryland with Riley and you can come to see her anytime you want. I don’t want things to get ugly. When she’s older … we can work out visits or whatever. I’m moving back home tomorrow and you’re welcome to come with me for a while to get to know her. That’s about all I can offer you right now.”
Even pissed off at me, after all the shit I’d done to hurt her, she was acting the right way. She even admitted that she was partially in the wrong, too. I couldn’t argue with her logic – I wanted to be around that little girl 24 hours a day until she knew me and loved me as her daddy. I took her up on her offer.
I nodded at her. “Thanks,” I grumbled, suddenly having developed a lump in my throat. “I … I know shit’s fucked up, T, but … I want to get to know that baby. Thank you for not keeping her secret from me.” For real I needed to thank her, because she could’ve never told me and I would’ve never known, the way I’d been acting. Thank God she gave me a chance to be with my baby.
She smiled a little. “Stop calling her baby,” she said, almost laughing. “Her name is Riley. She’s a whole brand-new person …” her eyes softened. “You’re going to fall in love with her, I promise you,” she told me.
“I think I already have,” I replied and we shared a smile.
She stood up and sort of brushed some hair out of her face. It’d gotten much longer since I last saw her. It suited her … hell, everything about Tara looked great to me and always had. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever been with and fuck me, because I still was in love with her even with all the shit we’d gone through and were going through.
“Anyway,” she said, “maybe you want to tell a few people about this?”
Lost in memories of Tara and I together, I was distracted. “Huh?”
She clapped her hands together. “Earth to Justin. Remember Lynn? Paul? I think they should be told now, don’t you think so?”
Shit. I didn’t even think about my mom. She was going to freak the fuck out and then be on the next plane to D.C. “Wow, yeah,” I broke out of my trip down memory lane. “I guess I better tell her. But you do realize that means she’ll be here like, by tomorrow, right?”
She laughed, and the spark in her eyes came back to life. “That’s okay. I figured she would. I hope she won’t be too angry with me for not telling her … or you … Just let her know she’s welcome to come stay at the house or whatever she wants to do. Riley’s just too young to travel anywhere yet but she can have visitors.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out my telephone. Then I thought of something. “Did you tell Mike?” T and Mike were thick as thieves and it hadn’t occurred to me until that moment that she would have told him and not told me. Fortunately she took that thought right out of my head before I got angry about it. She knows me so well.
“No, I didn’t tell him so don’t start freaking out,” she said, shaking her head at my initial reaction. “But I’d like to do so now. He’s been a good friend and he needs to know why I’ve been avoiding him.”
I agreed with her thinking. But then again I usually did. “Okay well … I’ll call Mom and you can call Mike if you want,” I replied. “Then … can I hold her again? Maybe play with her for a while?” I’d only known about my daughter for about an hour but I already missed her. And she was just in the next room! How the fuck would I deal with being a long distance dad if I missed her this much already?
I’d deal with that when it came up later. Right now, I needed to call my Momma. She was going to flip out.
Tara’s POV:
Justin’s calling Lynn right now; one of the things I really regret is not being able to share my pregnancy with her. Luckily, Aurora, Jen’s mom, was a great surrogate grandma-to-be for me. Nothing compares with my own mom but it was nice and came close to that safe feeling. I know Lynn will be happy – I just hope she’s not mad at me. I got enough problems carrying around the guilt for not telling Justin right away.
Why didn’t I just tell him that night, instead of flaking out and running away the next day?
I guess it’s because I was hurt. I’d been hurting for a while, trying to figure out why he was screwing Cameron fucking Diaz instead of me. Our sex life was dead at that point so he didn’t have his hands on me to see the changes in my body yet. So I figured that once he touched me again he would automatically know, since he knows my body and me so well. I mean, he figured it out once before, right? Well, that night he came to me after maybe a month of not touching me he didn’t notice a thing. Didn’t make a single remark about the ten pounds I’d gained along with enormous boobs. That hurt the hell out of me and I figured if he was so out of touch, he didn’t deserve to know anything anyway.
Maybe it’s not logical but I was feeling down and my hormones were making me spazz out of control. So I left and came home, where I knew everything was safe.
It was so nice; Jen was working in Maryland and nearby with her mom and Sasha was in and out of town. I moved in with her at JC’s house pretty much for the duration; it was near my doctor’s office and smaller. I didn’t like being alone in the big house my parents had left me. I spent a lot of time there getting the nursery together and planned to move back in soon after the baby was born; now that Justin’s here that’s pretty much a done deal – he and Sasha will not co-exist and I couldn’t handle it if they tried.
Keeping the pregnancy secret was hard for me. The two people I worried about catching on were JC and Mike. JC always let Sash know where he was so I could make myself scarce when he was in town, but Mike was a different story. He wasn’t Justin’s bodyguard to me; in fact, he wasn’t even working for Justin anymore except on rare occasions. But he was my friend now, a close and personal friend who ordinarily I would immediately share news to like being pregnant. But I couldn’t tell him and expect him not to mention it to Justin. It just wouldn’t have been right. It would’ve interfered with his profession and friendship so it was just easier not to put him in that position.
So I was dialing him right now to make things right. If I knew Mike, pretty soon I’d be having a full house; he’d make it his business to come into town for a few days to see the baby and it was a definite that Lynn and maybe Paul would arrive shortly too. Guess I wouldn’t be alone in my house after all.
I dialed and let the phone ring. I knew on the West Coast somewhere the tones of Jay-Z’s ‘Big Pimpin’ would be blaring out of a cell phone.
“Tara, girl, whassup? You finally ready to give me some love?” Good old Mike.
“Hey Mike, what or who are you up to?” I replied, laughing. He always made me feel better.
He was smiling; I could tell by his voice. “You been dissing a brother for forever, not letting me see you or inviting me by. My feelings are hurt. Why should I forgive you?” he asked, still joking with me but I knew he was serious underneath.
I took a deep breath. “Well … those days are over. I had a pretty good reason for staying to myself for a while. You know I wouldn’t not see you if some things weren’t going on. So do you forgive me now?”
“Baby girl, you know I always got love for you. What things are you talking about? Is everything okay?” he asked, his tone a little serious now.
Taking another deep breath, I dove right in. “Everything’s okay … there’s been a few changes in my life. Well one change, actually. But everything’s okay now …” I wasn’t sure how to put it.
“You’re talking in code, Tara. What’s the deal?”
“The deal is … I had a baby.”
“You had a what? When? How? With who? Please don’t tell me you got back together with David or whatever the hell is name was! Does Justin know? How could you not tell me what was going on?”
The questions were coming had and fast. I should’ve been prepared but I really wasn’t. “Umm … Justin and I had a baby girl, Riley Katharine. I’m not back together with Dave. It’s Justin’s baby,” I finally let out, with some relief.
Mike started spluttering, starting to ask questions, then tripping up to ask another. I put him out of his misery.
“Justin’s here, I just told him. Like, I literally just told him. He’s on the phone now with Lynn telling her … and you’re the first person I’m telling, now that the cat’s out of the bag, so to speak.”
“Well,” Mike said, “I don’t know what to say. My baby girl has a baby girl of her own? This is not what I was expecting to hear from you, girl.” He sounded a little disgruntled at finding out now that everything was over. “Why didn’t you tell me? You hid out all alone these past months when I could’ve been looking out after you? You don’t trust me anymore?”
“No, no,” I rushed to assure him that he was still my buddy. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you put in the middle, Mike. I wasn’t ready to tell Justin and I knew if I told you, you’d feel obligated to tell him … so I was just protecting you from this whole mess, really. You’re the first person I’ve told, other than Jen and Sasha. And Justin. I didn’t mean to leave you out, no one knew.” I hoped he would accept that.
He seemed to take that well. “So everything’s okay? I’ve gotta see this myself. I’m coming home to check you and this little thing out, baby girl. Let me see when I can get away from here…”
“Who’re you working for right now?” Mike switched from celebrity to celebrity. He and Eric had started their own bodyguard business and were in high demand.
“Britney,” he told me. “I know, I know, you can’t stand her. But I can’t let that interfere with my funds,” he said. “Gotta work when I can get it.”
I rolled my eyes. “Let Eric take over or something,” I told him. “It’s almost time for me to christen Riley and I need her godfather here to do that.”
He was silent for a moment and I knew he was touched. “Me? You want me to be the godfather?” He had no idea how much I loved him.
“Of course! I wouldn’t trust just anybody with my baby … you know I love you Mike. Just because I had to do this one thing secretly doesn’t mean you’re not important to me. I’ll never do anything like this again, I promise.” And I meant it. Keeping secrets wasn’t good for the nerves, let me tell you. I was never doing anything like that again.
“Aww, Tara,” he said, not knowing what to say. We were always goofing off, and never got sentimental. But underneath the jokes, we knew the love was there for one another. “Riley, huh? I don’t know what to say. Is Justin okay with that?”
I twirled the phone cord around my finger. “I don’t care if he is or isn’t, but I’m sure he will be. That’s the one thing I’m being careful about. Especially after what happened with my parents; I want to be sure my baby is in good hands in case anything ever happens—“
“Don’t even say it!” Mike stopped me. “Everything is going to be fine, this is just the biggest damn surprise I ever got … and you know I’d take care of that baby as good as I took care of you. I’m honored to even be thought of, Tara. You know I love you like you were my own sister.”
We were both tearing up and I wanted to get back to the fun stuff. “We can be sentimental when you get your butt over here,” I said, lightening the mood. “When are you coming?”
He made tentative plans with me to come by in the next week and we got off the telephone with I love you’s said all around.
Things were looking up. I’d finally told Justin who was informing his family, and now I could be open and honest with all my friends that made up my little family. Just because Justin and I weren’t together anymore didn’t mean we couldn’t be family, right?
Riley was going to have the best of both of our worlds. I was making sure of it.
I only wished she had a mother and father that were together and loved each other.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to happen. Not from where I was sitting.
Sasha’s POV:
Well from where I was sitting this was getting fucking deep. I know Tara keeps saying she doesn’t want to be with his ass ever again but her eyes don’t say it. The two of them were staring at each other like they were Romeo and Juliet or something. I knew for a fact Timberfuck would dump Cameron in a second to get back with Tara and start their own little nuclear family.
Over my dead body would he do that, though. I’ve seen Tara through way too much misery involving his ass. If they were meant to be together then none of this secrecy shit should’ve happened. Timberfuck could play Daddy and be great at it but my girl did not need him in her life – it was only going to cause her more heartbreak.
Her ass better not start any backsliding shit just because he’s back, shucking and jiving as usual. The last thing I need is for her to be heartbroken again, this time with a baby.
If somebody had to protect her, I would do the job quite nicely if need be.
Just watch me.
Story Tags: daddyj cheaterj justin
