Tara's POV: 

What the fuck was I thinking? Had I lost my ever loving' mind? 

I had just managed to get everyone interested in having some lunch while I took a longer nap -- leaving Lynn under strict instructions to shut her son up if he felt the need to inform me of an especially large poop Riley had or something stupid like that. I was exhausted. 

After an orgasm like that, who wouldn't be? 

Not to mention Justin was making it even worse, hovering around the room while Lynn held me and comforted me for a few moments about my parents. I was afraid she could hear my heart beating through my shirt. I couldn't calm down. She sensed it; I think she knew we were fooling around -- she's no fool -- and she let me go to calm myself down some. Taking everyone with her, including Justin who tried his best to think of a reason to stay that made sense but could come up with nothing under the hurricane force of Lynn. They ambled downstairs while I crawled back under the covers and tried to make sense of what had just happened. 

I was about to have sex. With Justin. If Lynn hadn't interrupted, I think I might've soothed Riley for a few minutes then crawled back into bed and got myself a piece of ass. Do you know how good that man's hands feel? Like ... coarse silk. I can't explain it. Soft enough to make me relax but rough enough to make me shiver. And when he slid my pants down and put his hands on my butt ... well ... let's just say the world was his for taking. I would've done a back tuck, reverse cartwheel if he'd asked me to at that moment. 

Thank God she'd interrupted, though. I'd JUST promised Jen that I wouldn't' sleep with him and what was the next thing I did? Fucking invite him into bed with me to 'snuggle'. And honestly, that's all I had wanted at that point. But then the smell and nearness of him overtook me and I was ready to blow apart in his arms. And he knew just how to do it. Justin introduced me to the world of multiple orgasms; something I'd never known existed before. When I started having them with him I asked Jen about it, wondering how some guy could do that to me. She explained to me that some women were just lucky and didn't need that much 'attention' to get to orgasm and when you added the fact that Justin knew my body as well as he did his own ... well, you get the picture. 

Sleep wasn't coming back. Thoughts of sex were, though. Shit. I needed a distraction so I got up, brushed my too long hair and re-braided it tightly, hoping my brains would return, and then went downstairs to join everyone. We immediately started talking about the christening, luckily, something that could take my mind off of Justin. Even with those midnight-blue eyes gazing at me while he licked his lips and just stared, smiling a little smile that said he knew. He knew exactly what was on my mind but he wouldn't quit. Well something had to give. 

I chose to let loose. "I'm going to start feeding Riley formula tomorrow," I announced, taking more of Lynn's cucumber and onion salad, with bits of proscuitto and mozzarella cheese sprinkled throughout. It was scrumptious and low-cal and I was scarfing it down like there was no tomorrow. 

Everyone looked at me like I was insane. Lynn looked bereft. "But why, honey? Don't you want to give her a full year? That's what they recommend, you know. Not that I'm trying to tell you what to do, sweetie, you know I'd never do that--" 

"I know," I assured her. "I just don't want to be so tied down to her. As it is I can't even go shopping without a cooler carrying her milk everywhere and I would love to have at least a glass of wine every once in awhile." I looked longingly at the bottles of beer and wine spread across the table. Soon ... very soon. Soon enough no more of Justin gazing at my boobs lovingly while I breast-fed Riley. It wouldn't kill her to have formula, the doctor had assured me. Besides, he said the first 3 months were the most important regarding breast-feeding so I'd done my duty. It was my time to shine. Very soon. 

As soon as I figured out how to get Mr. JT out of my head. And the best way to do that was to focus on other things. So I brought up talks about the christening again and soon we were off, arguing and discussing who would be godparents, details, etc. 

Whatever we decided, it would be a special day. A family day. Only I wasn't a part of the Timberlake family, no matter how much Lynn wanted or said it. It was just me and my girl, Tara and Riley Wallace. Oops ... never did bring up that name change, did I? 

Best to keep quiet, at least until the christening was over. Justin was tense enough; I didn't need him blowing up at me right now. 

~*~ 

Memphis was hot. Even in May it was steaming already. But it was a nice change from Maryland, where it had been raining for days. Sasha, Jen and I flew in two days before the christening to get everything ready. Lynn swore everything was under control but it made me feel better knowing what was going on. Their parents were flying in the night before the ceremony when we were having a big barbeque to get everyone acquainted. So it was the four of us including Riley that were at the airport, picked up by a nervous Justin and calm Trace. 

"Is she okay? Did she like flying or did it make her sick?" he asked, eagerly grabbing for the small bundle I held. I let him take her; she insisted on being held throughout the entire flight and my arms were getting tired so I was glad to be rid of the burden for a while. We all stood there watching Justin make baby talk and look like an ass before Sasha had had enough. 

"Can we actually get going? We're tired, Timber fu--, um, Timberlake. 

Shooting her a dirty look, he turned his attention back to Riley. "She's so much bigger! Trace, man, it's only been two weeks and I swear she grew, like, five inches!" Trace leaned over and gazed at Riley who innocently gazed back up at him. 

"She's cute," was all he said, which ticked Justin off. 

"Cute?! All you can say is she's cute? This is the fucking most beautiful baby in the world, right, T?" 

I merely nodded and started looking for the baggage area. I wanted to get the heck out of there and get settled at Lynn or Sadie's ASAP. We finally got our luggage together - naturally Sasha had, like, three bags to everyone else's one. We dragged everything outside where Lynn's truck awaited us and climbed in, securing Riley in her baby seat. Which she did not like one bit after being held so much so we spent the ride with me and Justin trying to calm her down. Finally I just stuffed my breast into her face and that was that. A few minutes later she was blissfully asleep and I was free to sit back and relax. I know I said I was going to stop breast-feeding but it was so hard to give those intimate times with her up that I just hadn't fully broken her from it yet. I gave her formula during the day for meals and things, but during naptime she wanted me. Who was I to deprive her? But soon this was going to have to stop. I planned on drinking wine at the reception after the christening, something I hadn't had in eight or nine months. That's right; T was ready to get tore up! Big surprise! 

Finally we arrived at Lynn's house, where she stood outside anxiously awaiting us. "Hi sweeties," she hugged me and Sash and Jen then nearly knocked us over to climb in the truck to unbuckle Riley's seat. As soon as she got her upright, unfortunately, Riley threw up all over her shoulder. 

Oops. 

"I'm so sorry, Lynn," I apologized, feeling responsible for my daughter's abominable behavior. "Here, let me take her so you can get cleaned up." I reached for Riley but I was too slow. Justin had her again and was holding her up, so she could see where she was. "This is gonna be your second home away from home, baby girl," he told her while she looked around wide-eyed. 

"Uh, I don't think so," Sasha jumped in. "My house would be her home away from home. Yours is third." They stared at each other for a moment then turned their back to one another. Good. I hoped they stayed that way through the entire trip so there would be no more drama. 

"Hey hey hey," I heard from behind me. It was Mike! I ran over and jumped on him, giving him a huge hug. "Mike! Why were you hiding inside! You should've been at the airport to greet your new goddaughter!" I exclaimed, so happy to see my friend. He almost broke my ribs, giving me a tight squeeze. 

"Baby girl, I got in late late last night. Gotta catch up on sleep," he told me and I felt bad for giving him a hard time. He'd had to juggle a lot of things in order to make it to the christening and I really appreciated that. There was no one better to protect my baby girl than the four people who now stood right next to me: Jen, Sasha, Trace and Mike. Relief washed over me and suddenly I was tired from the heat and, well, just everything going on around me. 

"Can we go inside? I'm feeling kind of hot," I said to Lynn and Justin. 

Lynn led the way. "Everybody come on, I've got snacks set up in the kitchen and the grandparents are all inside, waiting to see this little thing," she finally snatched Riley from Justin and started walking towards the house. We all followed like a motley crew, dragging luggage behind us. Justin came up behind me and took my little rollaway suitcase from me. 

"How're you really doing?" he asked quietly. "Is everything okay? Do you need more money or anything? Are things all right?" 

I shook my head at him. "I don't need anything … we already talked about money." He was free to buy Riley whatever he wanted but I didn't want to use his money. It just didn't feel right. So before he left Maryland that first time, he stuffed a couple of thousand dollars in my cookie jar, knowing I wouldn't accept it any other way. "Your money is still in the cookie jar. Put it in an account for her for later." 

"Good idea! We can both be on the account, right? And combine our funds to take care of her?" Too tired to argue, I just nodded. Nodding worked out well for me that afternoon as we were bombarded with Timberlake's, Harlesses' and Bomar's wanting to see the baby. I couldn't keep track of so many people so I just kept nodding and hung in the back with Jen, while Sasha monitored Riley, dogging her every step to make sure she didn't need anything. 

Sometimes I think Sasha loved Riley more than I did - she certainly was way more overprotective than I was. I understood that Justin's side of the family had a right to get to know the baby, too; she thought that we were all dong fine just by ourselves without other interference. Like the father. I laughed, shaking my head at her snatching Riley from Justin again and coming back towards us. 

"It's too many people," she complained, scrunching up her nose. "Riley doesn't like being handled around strangers, and the only white person she's used to is Aurora." 

And you know this how?" I asked, bemused. 

"Because I know her; I know what she's feeling and what she's not. God knows I've been around long enough." 

Shaking my head again, I held my arms out for her. She was very excited from all the people, I could tell, but it was naptime and I wanted to keep her schedule straight. "Can you get Lynn for me?" I asked Sash. "I need to know where I can put her down to rest." 

Sasha summoned Lynn who took me up to the guest room that I had stayed in so many times before. "If y'all need anything, just come get me, okay?" she said before closing the door, promising to keep people out. 

Finally. Solitude. I kicked off my shoes and unbuttoned my shirt before crawling onto the bed with the baby. As she started to nurse I just lay beside her and gazed at her. How weird that Justin and I had created a whole brand-new person that would be ours forever and ever? Jen says its fate - she thinks we're star-crossed lovers who are bad for one another and will continue to make each other miserable until we settle down with other people. 

Well as far as I was concerned we had settled down -- at least he had - and we should be getting along fine right now. Only those eyes that followed me around whenever I was near him let me know what J truly wanted. He wanted me back and I could see him pulling out all the stops. But I wondered. Was Cameron coming? I had avoided asking that question as it might have affected me coming to Tennessee at all. I didn't want that coke head touching my baby. Fuck that! Justin was going to have to learn to keep that part of his life separate. Because NO WAY was my child bonding with that trick. 

Just as we started to drift off, there was a knock at the door. Guess who? 

Without so much as a "Who is it?" "Can I come in?" Justin strode into the room and quietly shut the door behind him. He was grinning like crazy and carrying a boom box that looked like it was straight out of the eighties. 

"What're you doing?" I whispered, gesturing towards Riley. "I'm trying to get her to sleep!" I whispered harshly. 

"Shhh," he put a finger to his lips. "I have something new to show you and it's soft, not loud. You're gonna love it, please let me play it for you." 

I thought about it for a minute. Riley did love listening to music, so much so that she would kick her heels to the beat just like Justin did as a child. And it seems to soothe her so … what the hell? Even I was curious about what he'd been working on. 

"Okay, you can put it on low," I cautioned him. "But if she wakes up, you have to lie here with her until she goes back to sleep." 

"No problem, no problem," he waved at me while plugging the boom box in. "Okay I made two songs last week," he told me. "In Miami with Timbo. And they're both about you but they're private so I only want you to hear them right now." 

Puzzled, I shrugged and put Riley down, who was pretty much out for the count. "So play it. I'll listen." I sat up Indian style on the bed and played with my curly ponytail. He sat down next to me, very closely, and looked seriously at me. 

"These songs were written for you." He said. "There are … things I want to say to you that I can't just come out and say but I can say it through music. So listen to the words carefully, okay?" 

For me? Oh Lord. I was scared about what he would play. Justin was with Cameron, with another woman for years, and with Britney before that for years. I know we had a period together but … I just couldn't open my heart and trust him again. He'd hurt me too much. 

So why was every fiber of my being dying to launch myself again soak up my 'Justin love', as we used to call it? I decided to suck it up and listen. Nothing would change. It couldn't. He was my daughter's father and absolutely nothing else. 

Nothing else. 

Not to me. For sure. I think. 

He leaned over and pressed play on the boom box and I listened. The beat was great. Then I heard the words: Future Sex Love Sounds. The words were for me; did he mean we'd be having sex in the future? At this rate, he was probably right. 

You know what you want 
And that makes you just like me 
See everybody says you're hot, baby 
But can you make it hot for me 
Said if you're thinking 'bout holding back 
Don't worry, girl 
'Cause I'm gonna make it so easy 
So slide a little bit closer to me, little girl 
Daddy's on a mission to please 
Wait a second 
She's hopped up on me 
I've got her in my zone 
Her body's pressed up on me 
I think she's ready to blow 
Must be my future sex love sound 
And when it goes down 
Baby all you gotta do is 
Just tell me which way you like that 
All you gotta do is 
Tell me which way you like that 
Do you like it like this 
Do you like it like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
You can't stop, baby 
You can't stop once you've turned me on 
And your enemy are your thoughts, baby 
So just let em go 
'Cause all I need is a moment alone 
To give you my tongue 
And put you out of control 
And after you let it in 
We'll be skin to skin 
It's just so natural 
Wait a second 
She's hopped up on me 
I've got her in my zone 
Her body's pressed up on me 
I think she's ready to blow 
Must be my future sex love sound 
And when it goes down 
Baby all you gotta do is 
Just tell me which way you like that 
All you gotta do is 
Tell me which way you like that 
Do you like it like this 
Do you like it like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Tell me which way you like that 
Dear God. Somehow while the song played, his arm had snaked around me and I was leaning on him, smelling his cologne and feeling lie it was 1999 when we first met and he played the music from No Strings Attached. Only he was making me super horny but I refused to give in, no matter what. A song isn't going to change what he did, cheating with Britney and Cameron, leaving me heartbroken. Sometimes I even wondered if I should rekindle my relationship with Dave. It would be safe and comfortable. But to be honest, I wanted J more than anything. 

Only he was taken. So why was I in his arms? 

I sat there in a few minutes just thinking and soaking the words of the song in. Then I heard the next song and wanted to bawl; it was the most beautiful song I'd heard in forever. The words begged me to give him another chance. Here, read - you'll see. 
You've been alone 
You've been afraid 
I've been a fool 
In so many ways 
But I would change my life 
If you thought you might try to love me 
So please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
Take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
I'm not a saint 
I'm just a man 
Who had heaven and earth in the palm of his hand 
But I threw it away 
So now I stand here today asking forgiveness 
And if you could just 
Please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
Take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
Little girl, you're all I've got 
Don't you leave me standing here once again 
Cause I'll give you my life (yes I would) 
If you would let me try to love you 
So please give me another chance 
To write you another song 
And take back those things I've done 
Cause I'll give you my heart 
If you would let me start all over again 
Again oh 
No no 
oh oh 
You know I love you (yeah) 
Give me one more chance 
No No 
No No No No 

What the hell do you do when shit like that happens? I wanted to bolt but I was too scared to please J and truthfully … myself. Shit. All the words for the songs, especially the one that last played. I was frozen with tears rolling down my face. Him cheating didn't stop me from loving him; I just needed to leave for my own pride, you know? I sat there thinking of what he was saying when he leaned over for a kiss and I didn't stop him. It wasn't a huge make-out kiss, just a sweet, tender kiss that only lasted a few moments. Then he slowly kissed my cheeks, kissing away my tears and it was almost like old times again. But there was a problem! He was with someone else! How could he write those songs for me when he was fucking Cameron Diaz every night? Touching here, kissing her, holding her like he did with me? Did they make love like we did? Did they eat together with her cooking for him? Did they have friends come over and eat and drink and be merry like we did? This was all too much to take and I leaned even further onto him, wrapping my arms around his waist for strength. Just for a few minutes, God, let me hold him and pretend things were how they used to be. 

"Well, what do you think?" he asked me, and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

I told the truth. "They're awesome, J. I just … I'm of sure what to say." 

"Say yes," he answered confidently. I wanted to more than anything but there was that one big thing. 

"But Justin, what about Cameron? You remember her, your girlfriend? How can you write these songs for me and expect me to just give in, take you back when you're already taken? And how can I ever trust you again after you cheated on me three times? First Britney twice, then 
Cameron. I'm not some puppet that you can just pull out of a closet and use whenever you want, J. I have feelings and pride and I won't be used. I won't by anyone, not even you." 

He stared at me for a while before answering. "Look … things between me and Cam are loose. We see each other when we see each other and definitely don't live together. I had to invite her to the christening," he paused when he saw my face contort "but I plan on ending things with her. Having Riley has changed my whole life, T. I want us to be together again and be a family. I'm old enough now; I know you were scared before that I wasn't ready to settle down but now I know I am. Every time I look at you and that baby I just want to get down on one knee! I love you, Tara Wallace. I have almost from the moment I met you and I always will. And now we have a daughter and I plan to be there, changing diapers, feeding her, reading her books. And I want us to have another baby too, so I can go through the whole process with you and so Riley can have a sibling. I want the white picket fence, everything, and I want it with you. The only question is if you'll have me. So will you? Will you at least try?" 

Still snuggled up against him but looking deep into his eyes as he said the words I secretly longed to hear, I was still frozen. I wanted to say yes to him but I had too many reservations. If Justin and I were ever to get back together, it would take a lot of time for him to make me fully trust him again. He still had a girlfriend yet here he was saying these things to me, singing these songs for me! Where's the trust there? 

And good Lord, how was I going to deal with Cameron? I'd met her a few times at J's club shows, but she cheated with him when she knew we were together. I hated that bitch and I'd be damned if I said anything but hello to her. Why was she coming anyway? 

I asked him that same thing. "If you and Cameron are breaking up, then why is she even coming? This is all a little hard to believe, Justin." 

He shrugged. "It was all her, I swear. She got a ticket and basically told me she was coming. I was gonna tell her not to, but then I figured the breakup needed to be done in person … so I'm going to bite the bullet and tell her after the christening." 

Great. So I had to see them hanging all over each other until the breakup? This christening was driving me crazy and I couldn't wait till it was over. I was so glad that Sasha and Jen were here with me. I needed their support now more than ever. 

Just then there was a knock at the door. "Yeah?" Justin called out and in came Jen and Sasha. Right on time, my girls. 

"We need to go to the airport to pick up our parents," they reminded me and Justin and I immediately separated myself from him. 

Sasha eyed me, having seen how close we were before but she didn't say anything. She didn't have to. I already knew what both of them were thinking and I knew I had an earful coming when we were alone. 

"I'll take you," Justin hopped up. "We'll take the truck so there's plenty of room for everyone. T, you coming, too?" He gave me a hopeful look and I knew he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible before Cameron arrived but I was tired. And I needed to be alone to think things through, so I shook my head. 

"No," I said apologetically, "I think I'm just gonna take a nap with Smiley. It's been a long day already and I don't want to leave her." 

Justin protested. "But my Momma will watch her, you know that. C'mon, it'll do you good to get out." 

I shook my head. "J, I'm tired. You guys go and when you get back, both of us will be up and refreshed. I'll see you later," I told him as I curled up on the bed, ready to doze off. 

Everyone said his or her goodbyes but just before he left, Justin said, "Listen to that music again, okay? For me, just listen to it one more time." He gazed at me intently and I saw determination in his eyes. Damn it, he wasn't going to let up and I wasn't sure that I wanted him to either. 

"Fine," I said sleepily. "Now go. I'm tired." I didn't mean t be curt but he was hanging around the door like he wasn't going anywhere and Jen and Sash needed to get to the airport. 

"Bye, baby," he said and my heart flip-flopped. I lay there and started to doze when unknowingly my hand reached out and pressed play on the boom box. The sounds of Justin singing sweetly lulled me into the most peaceful sleep. 

Unfortunately, I knew that when I woke up and Cameron arrived, it was going to turn into a nightmare. 

I was going to be ready. 

I had to decide if I wanted Justin back and if I did, I had to fight for him. 

All I wanted was for the christening to be over so we could go back home to normalcy. But for now, sleep was a good escape. 

I needed to be ready for the action tomorrow. Something big was about to go down.