Justin’s POV:

It was here. The day of reckoning had come.

Cameron was about to walk off the ramp of arriving passengers, and there I stood (with Trace, of course) waiting for her. My stomach was in knots and I had a headache like you wouldn’t believe. I mean it was THIS fucking big only nobody had any fucking Excedrin or whatever.

Idiots.

Tara and I had been spending the best time together; just her, me, and Riley bonding as a family. Now here was Cam coming to fuck it all up. My big plan to let her down easy all but flew out the window the second I saw her breezing past all the people doing double-takes, rushing towards me like crazy. For some strange reason all my anger and tension evaporated and I was actually glad to see her.

Cameron kinda brings sunshine and happiness wherever she goes. It’s no wonder that she and Drew Barrymore are best friends, they give off that mood-child kind of energy.

“Justin!” she cried, dropping her carry-on bag and lunging for me, wrapping her legs around my hips. Cam is by no means fat but fuck, she’s a BIG GIRL. Almost as tall as me, and so I staggered backwards, barely managing to keep myself upright.

“Hey baby,” I said half-heartedly but she didn’t even notice, so happy was she to see me. I felt like shit because up until then I hadn’t given a fuck if I saw her or not. I mean, most of me wanted to be at home with Tara and Riley and fuck it, even Sasha had a familiarity about her that I could sometimes appreciate. She told it like it was; I can’t fault her for that although I can fault her for lots of other shit. Anyway, I was going to try real hard to be nice because Cam is always, well, nice. To me, at least. “How was your flight?”

“Fine!” she squeaked. “Hey Trace! What’s up, dude?” she said in her Valley girl accent. It grated on my nerves; I was getting used to Tara’s soft sort of Southern voice again. It was like music to my ears lately.

Shit! What the fuck was I gonna do? If I wanted Tara I needed to get rid of Cameron, only she hadn’t done one fucking thing wrong – other than enticing me to cheat in the first place. I had no valid reason to break her heart and that was all I wanted to do. Now … I don’t know. I want Tara but I’m too chicken shit to take a chance and maybe end up alone if she won’t take me back and I can’t stand not being in a relationship. My mom calls me a serial monogamist; I’ve had a girlfriend almost steadily since I was like twelve years old! Give or take a few months here and there, I’m always coupled up. But I knew Tara wasn’t ready to trust me just yet. It was gonna take a lot of time and patience.

And I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to just dump Cameron either. We’d been together for almost a year, at least unofficially anyway, and things were pretty good. She was fun; she liked to party when I wanted to, chill when I wanted to, she even tried to learn how to play golf. The girl just tried so damn hard to be the one for me. Surely she deserved some of my heart, right? But slowly I was finding that she didn’t come first anymore and girlfriend or lovers, they’re supposed to come in at the very least second or third. Cam was behind Riley, Momma and Tara now.

I turned my head up to the ceiling of the airport and prayed for some immediate fix out of my problems. Like always, it didn’t work.

Yesterday when I got back from taking Jen and Sasha to pick up their parents, Tara avoided me. That was because of the songs, I know. She couldn’t deal with the emotions I put into them, especially the last one. That’s my heart, right there. I poured more soul and emotion into those songs that any other ones I’ve written, except for maybe “Cry Me a River” and the song I did with Brian McKnight. Two totally different songs but written for the exact same reasons. And I could honestly say that never, not one fucking time did writing a song for Cameron ever enter my head. It’s like, if she’s here, she’s here; if she’s outta sight, then she’s outta mind. It ain’t right, I know, but that’s the way it is. And the more time I spent with my family and Tara, the more down to earth I seemed to become. Maybe living in L.A. wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Maybe all I needed was some acres of land and a house by Momma’s and Granny’s and chill, flying out to do shit but having a steady home base.

I was dreaming all this stuff up while lackadaisically pulling along Cam’s travel bags when she stopped right in front of me, a very serious expression on her face.

“What?” I asked, totally confused. I’d hugged her, made a fuss over her, I was carrying her freaking luggage for crying out loud, what more did this crazy bitch want? Sorry, calling her a bitch wasn’t right. Like I said, I had a lot on my mind and I didn’t need to take it out on her. Trace would do just fine.

“You didn’t even kiss me hello,” she said petulantly and while I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, Trace, however, was not so kind and so I had to stifle a laugh, turning it into a grin. “I’m sorry,” I dropped the luggage handle and gave her a quick – and when I say quick I mean quick – kiss, “but we’re in an airport and the two of us will stick out if we keep hanging around. So let’s get in the car, okay?

“Okay!” she chirped and I was instantly annoyed again. Because once Tara got a load of how ‘close’ Cameron and I allegedly am, she wouldn’t touch me with a ten-foot pole. Already I was dreading the little lunch my mom had set up back at the house, where there was gonna be alcohol. Tara turns into a beast when she drinks and she hasn’t had a drink in like nine months. And I was just making some progress, too. We’d been hanging out all day yesterday, holding the baby and talking about the christening and whatnot. She still didn’t mention the songs but neither did I, although I had noticed that she never returned the boom box I’d brought to her. Hopefully she was still listening to them, letting them seep into her brain.

I was slowly letting her trust me again, to get to know me as I am now, not the person I was before. Because Riley changed all of that. She came into my world and, like, everything just instantly changed. Flowers bloomed – okay, I know it was May, but still – crickets chirped, the sun was out. We spent most of our time outside with my grandparents and Momma and Dad, and even Daddy stopped by with Lisa and the boys to see her. I think my brothers were a little jealous because of all the attention the baby was getting but I pulled them aside for a quick game of basketball and paid them some extra special attention so they seemed okay. Even me and Sasha were getting along – despite the few times she yanked my baby away from me and almost got a fist upside her head. But like I said, I was trying and I kept everything under control and Tara had a nice, relaxing day, I think. She pretty much forgot Cam was coming until this morning when I announced we – me and Trace – had to go and pick her up. After that it was like a piece of steel inserted itself in her back and she pretty much kept away from me until we left. I could only thank God that all the rooms at Momma’s house were full and Cameron would be staying with my grandparents, not that it mattered since we’d be hanging together most of the night anyway. But later wasn’t what I was dreading; it was Tara and Cameron meeting again that had me tied up in knots.

Cam, oblivious to my troubled thoughts as usual, talked on and on in her own little world. She was really excited to see the baby and my family again. She didn’t like the bombshell that she’d be sleeping with my grandparents but I figured it was better to drop the bomb before we got there than get into a fight in front of everyone. Again, Trace didn’t count.

“What the fuck do you mean, we’re not sleeping together?” she exclaimed, leaning over her seat to look at me crouched down low beside the baby seat, wishing I was invisible. “We slept together in your room before … why the change all of a sudden, Justin?”

I shrugged, buying myself some time. “Well, Momma thinks since there’re guests staying over that it might look inappropriate – you know, me christening a baby I had with one woman while sleeping with the other. It just doesn’t look right, you know? Before it was just us but now it’s … it’s just the way it is, Cam. Can’t you cut me some slack here? I got enough shit going on without you cussing me out.”

She sat back against her seat, closed her arms over her chest and harrumphed. “Sounds like you want some private time with Tara, is what it sounds like,” she said surprisingly perceptive but not altogether true.

“Look, you were the one who insisted on coming here. You knew Tara and her family and friends were coming and you knew what that meant. I tried to explain it to you but you swore you could keep your cool. Now if that’s not gonna happen, we can turn right around and book you on the next flight out of here. It’s up to you, Cam. My baby’s day isn’t going to be spoiled over some petty bickering. And what’re you complaining about anyway? Tara and I aren’t together, fuck it, I didn’t even know where the fuck she was until a month ago! You think I’d just slide back into bed with her? Do you think she would let me slide back into bed with her? Jesus!” I yelled at no one in particular, then slouched down even lower and pulled my head down further. This was some shit I did not need.

And there she went surprising me again. “Okay, Justin,” she said sanely, all traces of yelling gone. “If you want me to act like the perfect girlfriend – assuming I still am your girlfriend – then I will. I’ll be nice and polite and hospitable and happy. I’m sure Tara won’t be too happy to see me so I’ll make sure I stay out of her way. And her friends, too, they’re pretty nasty. But anyway, no worries,” an annoying phrase she’s picked up from Australia or someplace and refused to let go.

Trace snorted and I kicked the back of his seat. “Fine. That sounds like the perfect plan to me. Keep away from them and believe me, they will keep away from you. And stop taking everything so personal, okay?” I softened, because all this woman had ever done was love me. Yeah, and cause me to cheat on the love of my life, but that’s a whole ‘nother story. “This is all about the baby. Everything. And if you can’t accept the fact that I’m a”, I got choked up for a moment at saying the words, “that I’m a Daddy, then you really shouldn’t be here. Do you feel me?”

She nodded and turned to flash that million-dollar smile at me. While she did so I could see she hadn’t been using that medicine her dermatologist had given her very much. Her face looked awful and I couldn’t help but compare it to Tara’s brown, smooth, caramel perfection of a face. Do I know how to pick them or what? When you first start dating these girls, their make up is perfect, skin gleaming and pink as a baby’s bottom. Then there’s a rash here, a break out there, and suddenly its acne city. But once I’m a goner for a girl I’m a goner and it’s not like I never had a pimple before. I just dealt with it, but still, it did make me appreciate Tara’s pretty, smooth skin. Shaking my head, I tried to focus on what she was saying.

“I love you, Justin,” she said again, as she had a thousand times before. Fuck me, but I just couldn’t fucking say it back. She always reassured me that it was okay, that I’d been burned with love before and that she was willing to wait until I was ready. Which at this point would probably be never, but anyway. Back to what she was saying: “Anything that’s a part of you, I’m gonna love. I don’t care how many people there are; just like we’re adjusting to Riley in your life, Tara will have to adjust to my role in your life, too.” Trace snorted one more fucking time – like dude, you are in so much shit -- and I knew exactly what he was snorting about. Thankfully, we pulled into our driveway and Trace and I had to carry this enormous amount of luggage that Cam had to bring.

It got on my nerves. Hell, she got on my nerves. To be fair, just about everyone and everything got on my nerves except for Riley and Tara lately. All I wanted was a day, or maybe even two, of just the three of us to see what it would it would be like to be a pretend family. To be together and not worry about people watching. The more I thought it the more I…

Thank God just then my mom came with reinforcements, but not Riley, the only fucking person I was interested in seeing right now.

“Where’s the baby?” Cam asked cheerily, looking around for her. “I’m, like, dying to see her! The pics Justin sent me were soo cute!”

Did every sentence have to start with an exclamation point? Momma just smiled, knowing I was at my wit's end.

“She’s inside, napping, honey,” she told Cam. “C’mon inside and sit down, relax. Justin and Trace already got you settled next door – you know we wouldn’t have put you anyplace but here but we just ran out of room!” she held up her hands helplessly and smiled. As we walked toward the door, Jen stood just inside of it wearing an expression I'd never seen cross her normally pleasant face. She all but glared at Cameron. Trace took the opportunity to introduce them but when Cam extended a hand in greeting, Jen – sweet, wholesome Jen who I had never so much as heard curse -- turned her back on Cam and stalked into the house.

“Ohh-kaay,” Cam said, still unaffected. “One down, two to go.” You had to give it to her for being a trouper. Most girls would’ve dropped their shit and run after a welcome like that. But the next welcome was better. Sasha appeared at the foot of the stairs, holding Riley, looking adorable in a pretty white dress with yellow daisies on it. She, too, glared at Cameron, who smiled and rushed over to the baby, saying, “Oh let me see, she’s so precious!”

Big, big mistake.

Sasha immediately threw Riley over her shoulder to hide her from Cameron. “Riley just woke up and needs to be fed and changed. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll take care of that and you can go do … whatever it is that you do. Hi Trace.” It wasn’t hard to notice that she purposely left me out of the hellos but what the fuck? I was used to that shit by now. Anyway, she went off into a guest bedroom that she and Jen had taken over and performed those nasty baby duties while we all stood around trying to make small talk and pretend that what just happened didn’t really happen.

It didn’t work. The silence was deafening until we heard another noise coming down the staircase. My heart started thumping because there was only one other person left up there and sure enough, it was her.

Tara.

Dressed exactly like Riley, in a Mommy and daughter type outfit thing. I sure hoped somebody was taking pictures because they both looked so adorable and I wanted to be able to look back and remember this day. I always thought that dressing alike shit was corny but more and more I was becoming that corny guy that I always swore I’d never become. I just couldn’t stop looking at Tara, though. Man, her legs went on forever in that thing, and she had these white, strappy, sandals on with a heel on them to show them off all the better. I couldn’t talk for fear of saying something stupid so I was wondering who was going to speak next when…

Tara’s POV:

So there she was; that man-stealing tramp who had the fucking nerve, the fucking audacity to come to MY baby’s christening. Part of me wanted to hit her with a left hook but it wasn’t my house. Fuck a few charges of battery or assault, it would all have been worth it, but I couldn’t risk time away from my baby, so I just went with the flow. Everyone was sort of gathered in the kitchen and the dining room, holding plates of food and I waved to everyone while roving through the crowd to find my baby. Sasha sneaked up behind me and handed her to me; freshly changed and powdered so she smelled extra good. I had even tied her thick, curly hair into a tiny ponytail on top of her head with a yellow ribbon. Never had I seen a baby with as much hair as my daughter. I mean she was born with a huge, full head of almost shoulder length hair and it never fell out, just kept on coming. And she loved hair, twirling her own when she would catch it between her chubby fingers or constantly grabbing for mine, Jen or Sasha’s. She was a born girly-girl, that’s for sure. I’d bought these mother and daughter outfits right after she was born and it was nice to have a place to wear them where they’d be appreciated. Everyone said hello and Sadie (or Granny) came right over to me.

“Oh look, you’re both matched. Somebody take a picture, would you? This is just too cute!” So we smiled for a few minutes before my stomach started chewing itself inside out and I stalked over to Justin and his Amazonian monster, dumping Smiley in his lap. “I’m hungry; she already ate but she’s fussy so don’t be handling her around to people okay? Keep her still and quiet.” I gave him the Jedi mind trick and I knew that he knew exactly who and what I was talking about. I managed to say my piece and remove myself from as far away from her as possible. I needed a drink and I was going to have one damn it. My breasts now belonged to me, sorry Smiley Riley.

"Can she eat some of the cobbler? Just like the juice or something?”

I rolled my eyes. Ever since we’d arrived, people had been sneaking her just a smidgen of this or a smidgen of that; not caring that she was only on baby foods. Shaking my head, I only said, “If she’s up all night with indigestion and gas, that’s your problem, buddy.” Not stopping my stride, I went over to the other side of the table and poured myself a huge glass of wine and immediately began sipping from it. Mmmmm. That was really hitting the spot. Within seconds Jen was at my side, breathing fire down my neck? “ Do you see that? The way she’s breathing all up in her face? Riley probably wants to throw up.”

I chucked. “Wait till he has to change her. I bet her ass’ll be nowhere to be found,” the two of us laughed as Sasha finally joined us.

‘What the fuck is so funny? Next thing you know they’ll be posing for pictures and decorating the house with them.” Just then someone did take a picture of them and I stifled my laughter or else I would’ve spewed Zinfandel across the room.

“Who cares, y’all. She’s part of their family too, you have to remember. I mean, she belongs to us, but sometimes we have to let them touch her or something. I mean … I don’t mind Lynn and his grandparents but the others I could do without. Especially her…but one day she’s going to want to know them and it’s not like I have family floating around, so…

Getting choked up at the sight of all of Justin’s family and friends and how much they loved him made me miss my own family. That was a big part of why I was here; I could’ve easily made them all come to Maryland for the ceremony but I wanted Riley to know she had another family that loved and cared for her as much as my motley crew of a family did.

“Aww, sweetie,” Sasha hugged me so I knew she’d been drinking since she was being sentimental, “don’t get sad. You’ve always got us and Mike and Aurora and my mom and dad and even JJ, who you can have by the way, if you want him. You do have a family and don’t you ever go around not thinking it. It hurts our feelings when you say those things.” She kissed my forehead and smoothed back the wayward curls that had escaped from my white and yellow headband that matched my outfit.

I smiled and took a huge gulp of wine, which was going straight to my head. Which was good, because eyeing Cameron getting too close to my baby was making me pissed off and I needed a distraction. “What’s there to eat? I’m starving…” And with that, we entered the kitchen and busily chowed down with some old school fried chicken, potato salad and cornbread, among other things. I stayed in there for two reasons: one, because I am way too possessive about Riley and would’ve flipped out had anyone else held her besides immediate family members; and two, I needed to be as far away from Cameron as possible or else there was going to be a big fight. So I hung out with Mike and the girls and trusted Lynn to make sure the baby was okay. I had to learn to give a little of her, you know? Not be so territorial all the time. Pretty soon though, just as the sun was going down, I went to get Riley to feed her some more – I knew people had been feeding her or she would’ve let out a rebel yell hours ago – but I wanted to bathe her before putting her to sleep. But Lynn was already one step ahead of me.

“Oh please, let me do it,” she begged, holding Riley away from me. I hadn’t seen her in over an hour; she’d been perched on Justin’s hip and lap constantly unless he was showing her off or playing with her. If he or she wasn’t with her then Granny and Pop-Pop were, or Justin’s dad or Paul – I just knew she was in good hands. And if I didn’t Sasha made it her business to know so.

I stifled a yawn. It was just about eight and I was already sleepy – probably from all the wine I’d been drinking. I looked over at Justin and Cameron curled up on the couch together – actually she was curled against him while he regaled someone else with another one of his famous stories and figured I could use a break. From everything, to be honest. “Do you know where all of her things are? I laid out her pajama’s and stuff but the baby bath is—“

“In her suitcase, with the baby lotion and powder,” she announced proudly. “Believe me, I wiped more asses than you’ll ever know, honey. Just go out back, kick your shoes off and enjoy the evening now that it’s cool out. If anything happens, anything at all, I’ll tell Justin and he’ll start screaming and get you in here, promise.” I certainly knew that was true, so I wandered back over to the dining room table and poured myself a Jack and Coke and then went find Jen. Lord knew where Sasha was, since JC had show up a littler earlier. I told her I was going out back to get some rest and to come get me if anything happened and to keep an eye out for Riley just in case. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Lynn, but Jen was a real-life doctor so her word was a bit more informed than the average person if you know what I mean.

At any rate, I felt free to have a few minutes to myself. So I went outside and sat down on a swing way in the back of Granny’s garden. It was filled with flowers and so pretty; I could just about make out everything from the lights shining between the two houses so I simply sat gazing around, at the pretty things until I saw them. Justin was walking Cameron over to his grandparents and I felt like a peeping Tom. I knew I should’ve turned away or left but I was too nosy; I wanted to see how they interacted. Was it the same as with me? They were holding hands and surprise of all surprises; it hurt me to see it. A lot. I know I should be used to it by now, it’s been over a year since we were together but still those things do have a way of kicking you when you’re down. I always knew alcohol was an antidepressant, which is why I never drank it much, it reminded me too much of my many problems, wants and needs, although there were times where I would forget everything and just have a good time. I’d been doing that all day until I saw him holding her hand God only know what was going on the bedroom, noticing that the light had just flickered on. What a pig! In his grandparents house? Couldn’t he have some decency, some morals, some…?

Just then I saw him come outside and carefully close the door. Which meant nothing much could’ve happened; he wasn’t in there for more than five minutes, tops. Hating myself for it, I felt relief wash over me anyway.

Damn it.

“Hmmm,” I said to myself quietly, shocked but happy. Maybe I was shocked because I was happy. What did I care about where he stuck his dick now? None of my business.

“Hey, T,” he stood on the other side of the basketball court and eyed me. Unless he’s a psychic, I have no idea how he saw me sitting in the dusk. He walked over and stood over me, hands in his pockets. “Mind if I sit with you for awhile?”

Shrugging, I scooted over and he settled down beside me. I sipped my drink and continued to stare outside at the garden, not sure of what to say.

“Did you have a good time today?” he asked me softly, scuffing his feet against the ground as we gently swung.

I sighed. Did I? Actually it wasn’t so bad, since Cameron knew better than to come anywhere near me or my baby. “Yeah, it was nice. Everybody seemed to get along,” I replied.

He scoffed. “You know you don’t even mean that. Jen practically punched Cam in the face and Sasha was looking ready to do some kung-fu fighting,” he said and we both laughed at the truth of it.

But even though it was funny, it was exactly what was supposed to go down and he knew it. “What did you think was gonna happen, Justin? That I was gonna let some trick that cheated on me with my boyfriend hold my baby? I don’t want her anywhere near her and I mean it or there will be some fists flying. Trust.” I said in an uncharacteristically angry manner. Riley was mine. Not anyone else’s. Sure, Justin was a part of her but nobody was touching my baby girl without my permission. And I’d back that shit up if I had to. Just to add emphasis to my statement, I swallowed the rest of my drink, which I maybe shouldn’t have because it immediately made me woozy and I almost tilted off the swing. Luckily Justin caught me behind my back just in time and pulled me to him.

“Whoa!” he said. “Take it easy there, girl. I wasn’t arguing with you. I understand where you’re coming from. T …if you want to know the truth, I didn’t want Cam to come at all. And when she insisted, I planned on breaking up with her. I mean, we were together but not ‘together’, you know? We just hang. Whatever happens, happens. It wasn’t like … with you and me..”

“Stop right there,” I held up my hand to him. “I don’t even want to hear it, Justin. You and me are over. It’s in the past. Those songs you wrote…” I stopped and thought for a minute “…they were beautiful. And I loved them. I cried over them. But don’t you get it? I’ve wasted too many tears over you. I can’t do it anymore. If I keep fucking around with you, one day I’m not gonna have anymore tears left to cry and nothing left to give to anybody else. I want someone to love me, and only me, and only want to be with me. And you just can’t do that!”

“Yes I can!” Justin answered, grabbing my hand. “I can do that. I can be everything you need, T. I can be your J, not your Justin. I can be Riley’s Daddy. I can be everything you want me to be.” He pulled me close, putting one hand to my cheek. “I love you, Tara Wallace. I never stopped loving you. I was just too dumb to come and find you when I should have. Please … don’t throw away another chance because I was stupid. Baby … please…” and then his lips touched mine and I was lost in another world, a year ago when we were together and everything was perfect. We were together and life was wonderful. We kissed so softly, so sweetly, and then I heard Riley cry and it broke the haze I was in. Immediately I moved away and got up, if a bit unsteadily.

Justin just sat on the bench, looking sad. “Tara, please … let me show you that I can be what you need.”

Just before I turned away, I stopped and told him what he needed to hear. “If you can be what I need, then why is she here?” And without waiting for an answer I rushed off to my comfort, my sweet baby girl. She was what I needed.

Not Justin.

Not J.

Not anymore.