The rest of the afternoon was so busy that Amanda didn't even get a chance to feel sorry for herself. She was too busy packing her things for New York and trying to figure out what the heck was going on with her father. He said the business was in some sort of trouble and that made her nervous. Maybe it was time to start thinking of finishing her education. If there was one thing spending time with JC had taught her, was that Amanda needed to start thinking of Amanda and that maybe the hotel life wasn't exactly what she wanted after all.

Her flight left fairly late, almost ten p.m. Her father had one of the hotel drivers drop her at the airport, but he had first told her goodbye and assured her that everything would be alright. Deep inside Amanda had the sneaking suspicion that it wasn't going to be alright. She had a feeling that her life was about to take quite a turn and she was a little nervous about that.

Ultimately, she would've loved to have been able to call JC and ask for his support. Not financially of course, but emotionally. Right now she really needed a shoulder to lean on and it was pretty safe to say she had no one. Twenty four hours before and she would have had him.

She shouldn't have blown up at him. She shouldn't have gotten so upset. But she had and it was too late now. There was no way to turn back time and, as they say, there was no use crying over spilt milk.

She slumped in her first class seat, her book buried in front of her face but she only stared blankly at the pages. Her mind was a million miles away, and rightfully so. It was times like these when she really yearned for her mothers advice. She'd kill to have her mom tell her everything would be okay and that it would all work out in the end. She'd do anything to hear those kind words from that loving voice.

But no matter how much she wished, that was just impossible. She'd have to make do on her own.

The taxi ride to her fathers Manhattan apartment was a little scary. It was, after all, nearly five a.m. when she got in and still very dark outside. Unlocking the front door to a cold empty space was even worse. Her father hadn't stayed in the apartment for months and Amanda hadn't been there in years. Sure, it had been kept up while he was gone. There wasn't a speck of dust to be scene. But it was lacking that certain hominess, that welcoming smile, or even a familiar picture on the wall. Besides the furniture, which was scarce, the place was empty. She wondered if there were even pots and pans in the kitchen for her to cook with. Surely there weren't any groceries. She'd obviously have to go shopping as soon as the stores were open. Luckily, with everything going on, she didn't really have much of an appetite.

With the time change, her inner clock was all screwed up. So instead of unpacking, she went straight for the bedroom and tried to get some sleep. Of course, as soon as she laid down she only tossed and turned. The memories of JC's strong arms curled around her the night before haunting her every thought.

The next few days were going to be rough, but Amanda was strong. If she survived through her mother's death, she could survive through anything. That much she was sure of.

When Amanda woke up later that morning, her depression had hit full force. She was in a strange place, alone, and the one person who she wanted to talk to was completely out of reach. Well, not that she couldn't call him if she really wanted to, but she wasn't about to go there. She was sure that after their little talk he went home and made up with her and decided to put Amanda out of his life forever.

If that wasn't the case, then why hadn't he put up more of a fight?

Amanda just laid there, staring up at the ceiling and realizing that she had absolutely no reason to get out of bed whatsoever.

When her cell phone rang she almost didn't have enough motivation to answer it, but that one tiny spark of hope in the back of her head moved her arm to grab it off the nightstand. Maybe it would be him.

Of course, it wasn't. It was Marcy.

"Amanda, are you okay?" her friend asked after a quick hello.

"I'm fine, why?" Amanda replied, but her tone was far from being okay.

"You don't sound okay," Marcy said, "you sound awful."

"I just woke up, that's all," Amanda explained.

"Isn't it like noon there?"

"I didn't sleep all night. I was on an airplane, remember?" Amanda answered irritatedly. "So what's going on there today? Did you find anything out?"

Marcy explained the strange atmosphere at the hotel. All the while, Amanda prayed that she wouldn't ask about her weekend with JC. So far there had been too many other things going on for Marcy to even bother, but Amanda knew that the woman was bound to bring it up sometime. She dreaded that moment. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about it.

Marcy was just getting to the part explaining the strange "suits" that had been wandering around the hotel when there doorbell rang.

"Someone's at the door, Marce. I'll call you later."

"Okay sweetie, don't stress out too much. This'll all blow over soon, don't worry," her friend told her.

"I hope so, thanks." Amanda replied, pulling a robe around her shoulders as she hobbled out to the living room and headed for the front entry way.

"Talk to you later."

"Bye." Amanda turned off her cell and slipped it into her robe pocket.

As she peaked through the tiny peep hole in the front door she was instantly excited. Amanda threw open the front door and nearly attacked her cousin, Terra, immediately. The two hadn't seen each other in nearly two years and they had always been very close. Terra was only a few months younger than Amanda and as children they were inseparable. But Terra had been in New York ever since she'd graduated from high school. She went there for college and had never came back. Now she worked at a big-time law firm, living out her dream as an attorney.

"Oh God Terra, I am so glad you're here," Amanda sighed into her cousins shoulder as they embraced in the doorway.

"Manda, you're a mess. Is everything okay? What's going on anyway? My dad didn't tell me why you were here, he just said that you needed some company," Terra explained, leaning out of Amanda's bear hug to get a good look at her cousin.

"I'm okay, come in." Amanda ushered her cousin through the living room and sat her down on the cool leather couch. "I'd offer you something to drink, but I don't think there's anything here." Amanda told her.

"What do you mean you don't think? Did you look?"

"No, I just figured - nobody's been here for months."

Immediately Terra stood up and headed for the kitchen. "Yes, but I'm sure your dad had someone go out and go shopping if he knew you were coming," she replied as she disappeared into the other room. "Uh, I knew it. The fridge is full."

A few minutes later, Terra stepped back into the living room with a cheery smile, her golden blond locks bouncing against her shoulders as she strutted towards the sofa. Terra had inherited the William's family good nature and positive outlook on life. Something that seemed to have skipped over Amanda. Terra was always happy and she always looked at the bright side of things. Definitely an optimist, just like Amanda's mom had been, Terra's aunt. "I started some coffee. You look like you need it." Terra said.

"Shouldn't you be working today?" Amanda asked as her cousin took seat on the sofa beside her.

"I should, but I took the day off."

Amanda let her face fall into her hands and vigorously rubbed her sleepy eyes. "I am so glad you're here," she said through a yawn, "the last two days have been pure hell for me."

"And I hope you're going to tell me all about it," Terra remarked.

"I don't even know where to start," Amanda sighed.

"Try the beginning. I'm not in a hurry."

And that she did. She started at the very beginning from the first time she laid eyes on Mr. JC Chasez and every episode that happened after. Of course, she didn't get into too much detail on the intimate parts, but what little she did reveal was awfully hard to discuss. Talking about it made the hurt surface all over again. But at least with Terra, she didn't have to hold any emotion back. This was her family and one of the few that she was close to. It wasn't too surprising that by the end of the story Amanda was practically in tears.

"You poor baby, you went through all this turmoil and then get back to the hotel to find out that you have to leave right away? No wonder you look so awful."

"Thanks Terr," Amanda sighed.

"So are you going to call him?" she asked curiously.

"I don't think so," Amanda answered.

"Yeah, you're right. I mean, it's probably best that you don't call him anyway. I'm sure he's already forgotten about you. After pursuing you the way he did and inviting you to Los Angeles for the weekend after knowing you for only a few days. He must have just wanted a piece of ass, because - you know, he couldn't get that anywhere else. He's such a desperate guy and all." Terra spouted, her words weighted with sarcasm as she rested her hands defiantly against her hips.

Amanda rolled her pale eyes at her cousin's words and shrugged it off. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done and I'm sure things would've never worked out anyway."

"Of course they wouldn't have. I mean you're just destined to live the rest of your life alone, right?" Terra continued, "I mean, God forbid you live happily ever after."

"Happily ever after doesn't exist."

"Oh yes it does. Don't give me that crap," Terra argued, "just look at grandma and grandpa."

"Yeah, but that's different," Amanda defended.

"Why is that different?"

"Because, it just is. I don't know." Amanda was getting a little frustrated with the whole conversation. Her cousin was very persistent and very good at proving her point. That's why she was an attorney for goodness sakes!

"Alright, fine. You win for now. Get up and get dressed. Take a shower. Do whatever it is you need to do because we're getting out of here. You need to get some fresh air." Terra decided.

"But it's freezing out there," Amanda whined.

"Are you afraid of a little cold weather all the sudden? Come on, get up!"

As Amanda stood in the shower, letting the warm water run down her body and trying her best to pull it together, she realized that Terra was a God sent. If it hadn't have been for her showing up at the door, Amanda probably would have laid in bed all day long. Her cousin was right, she needed to get up and get moving. She couldn't let all this bad fortune ruin her life. Everything would work out in the end. It always did.

Two days after JC had left Amanda, for the first time in three years he was technically a free man. Free from Jessie, anyway. What a relief he felt. He couldn't even begin to explain what a weight was lifted off his shoulders. She had taken it surprisingly better than he had thought. Actually, it was pretty obvious that she had been feeling the same burnt out feelings as he was.

For the next week and a half his schedule was jam packed. It figured. He had so many things in his personal life to take care of, he didn't want to be busy with work. But his career was his life and that would never change. Hopefully Amanda would understand.

Hopefully she would finally forgive him enough to return his calls. He had left four messages since she'd left him at the hotel and so far, nothing.

But he wasn't about to give up, he just had to give her a little time.

His train of thought was disturbed as Chris sat down beside him in the private jet they were riding in. JC looked up at his long-time friend with a smile. Even with things the way they were with Amanda, for some reason he just knew that everything was going to be okay. He wasn't going to let their little set back get him down.

"Look at Lance, sound asleep," Chris whispered, leaning in towards JC's shoulder. "He's just asking for trouble."

"Or maybe you're just looking for it," JC remarked.

"Me? Never." Chris turned his head to glance over at Joey and then continued. "If Joey doesn't quit eating, we're going to have to send him to fat camp," he said, nodding his head at Joey who was munching on a bag of potato chips.

With that JC had to hold in a laugh, Chris's tone of voice alone was enough to get a laugh out of him. "What about you?" he asked in return.

"Huh? What about me?" he remarked in return, running a hand down his waist and straightening his posture. "Is there something wrong with my girlish figure?" Chris asked in a high-pitched, mocking tone of voice.

"No, nothing that I can see...tubby."

"Tubby?"

"Did you just come over here to bug me or what?" JC finally asked.

"Of course. Everyone else is busy or asleep. Why aren't you asleep?" Chris asked curiously, reaching for a square pillow that was sitting beside him and resting it on his lap, fidgeting with the button that was in the center of it.

"Did you drink coffee before we left?" JC asked.

"Oh no, then we'd be in big trouble. Did you drink coffee?" Chris asked in response, and then quickly answered the question for himself. "Oh wait, never mind. We can all tell when you've had coffee. So far you're not bouncing off the walls so we must be safe."

JC glared at Chris beside him, absent of any response. Instead he watched as Chris lifted the pillow, aimed it carefully, and threw it across the aisle at Lance, hitting him right smack in the head.

Lance didn't sit up in surprise, or even give Chris half of the reaction he would have liked. Instead he shifted in his seat, groaned and pushed the pillow from his shoulder where it had landed after bouncing off the side of the head.

Quietly Chris stood up, tip-toed to the pillow and bent down to pick it up.

"If you even do that again I swear you are gonna get it Chris." Lance spoke threateningly, his eyes remaining shut.

"Did I mess up your precious beauty sleep?" Chris asked, feigning concern.

"Go away," Lance said sternly.

JC found it the perfect opportunity to sneak away. He grabbed the phone and locked himself in the bathroom, the only place where there was any privacy. Once inside he dialed the number to the hotel for the fifth time, hoping that this time Amanda would take his call.

After a greeting from the operator, he asked for her just as he had on the four prior calls. "Amanda Ballard, please."

"Let me transfer you to her voice mail," the mechanical sounding woman told him for the fifth time.

"Wait!" JC shouted into the phone.

"Yes sir?"

"Can you transfer me to her apartment?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I have been instructed to transfer all calls to her voice mail."

"Look, please. I'm begging you."

"I'm sorry, I can't help you. Please hold."

JC sighed as he was transferred once again to her voice mail to leave another desperate sounding message for her to call him back. "God," he sighed to himself, "I wonder if I should even bother."

But just as the recording should have came on, someone answered, "Yes?"

"Amanda?" JC asked with a bit more desperation in his voice than he would have liked.

"Amanda's not in the office today. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I thought I was being transferred to her voice mail."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can transfer you if you'd like." The woman replied. But suddenly JC realized, maybe this was his chance. This woman didn't sound near as automated as the operator. Maybe she would help him.

"No, wait. Do you have any idea when she'll be back?"

The woman let out a long sigh before answering. "Unfortunately, no. She had to leave town for a little while. If there's something I can help you with I'd be more than happy to."

"No, that's okay. Thank you." JC hung up the phone completely and utterly confused. She'd left town? Where could she have gone? But the sudden news also gave him a bit of hope, maybe she hadn't been able to return his calls because she'd never gotten them.

He stepped out of the bathroom just in time to catch Lance and Chris wresting in the aisle of the airplane. Obviously, Chris hadn't given up without a fight. When the man wanted some action, he got it.

JC spent the rest of the plane ride completely baffled. After saving Chris and Lance from each other, he retreated with his head phones and tried to make sense of it all. Why would she have left town? Did he hurt her so badly that she couldn't even bare to work?

No, that couldn't have been it. Amanda was much stronger than that. Surely she couldn't have thought he was going to let it all end because they had hit a little rough patch. Yes, he had been in the wrong, but he was fixing it. No, he had fixed it. She had to realize how much he cared about her. Maybe his words didn't quite come out right the day she left, but it wasn't because he didn't care. She had to know that he cared.

It was just after three a.m. when *NSYNC finally landed in New York. They were scheduled for eight o'clock in the morning and JC wasn't even looking forward to it. They were gearing up for a big benefit show that they'd be doing the following week and it would be non stop rehearsals until then. As much as he loved his job, he would kill for just two days so he could sort things out with Amanda. So he could at least find her, but unfortunately that just wasn't possible.

©2001 BrandyRae