Chapter 4

Amanda was in a complete daze as she strolled towards the elevator.  If it hadn’t been for the fact that she could find her way around the hotel blindfolded, she probably would have gotten lost.  Any other place and she would have been in big trouble.   But thankfully that wasn’t the case, so she was free to live in la la land for the moment. 

As she stood there waiting for the elevator to arrive, his words played out in her head repeatedly.   Honestly, I just wanted to see you again.

She couldn’t brush the grin from her face after hearing those words.  HE had wanted to see HER?  No matter how surreal it seemed, or how surprised she was by those words, nothing could wipe away that cheesy smile because those words had pretty much swept her right off her feet.  Well, once they actually sank in, anyway.  It had taken a couple of minutes.  Her first reaction was pure and utter shock, no doubt about it.

Finally the elevator arrived, but it wasn’t empty.  Three people were unveiled as the doors opened.  One member of *NSYNC, one bodyguard, and one man she had never seen.  She grinned at all three of them as they passed, then stepped inside her ride down to the third floor.

But just as the doors began to close, JC’s band mate turned around quickly and stopped the doors with his hand.  “You’re the hotel girl.”  Chris spoke, his hand pressed against the frame of the elevator.

Amanda wasn’t quite sure how to react, but she was pretty positive that her expression was more than a little confused.  “This is my hotel, yes.”  Sort of.

"Okay, that’s what I thought.”  The dark headed man looked at her mischievously and slowly nodded his head.  “You turned my friend down for lunch.  Shame on you.”  He waved an index finger back and forth before letting go of the elevator doors.  Once again they began to close, all the while she could see him standing in the hallway and shaking his head disapprovingly back and forth.

The doors finally closed and Amanda was safely alone.  She took in a deep breath and chuckled quietly to herself.  “Okay, I take that back.  He is goofy.”  She smirked.

Now completely to herself – except for the small video camera she knew was hidden in the corner – she let her mind wander to the feeling of his strong arm brushing up against her.  The thought alone sent a chill down her spine and tied a knot in her stomach.  In a mere fifteen minutes time, her fascination with the man had grown into something much deeper.

As she debarked on the third floor, wanting nothing more than to sit in her office and daydream about her new crush, she couldn’t help but notice Marcy heading straight for her, full steam ahead.  The girl looked to be on some sort of mission.  “Amanda.   I’ve been looking all over for you.”  She called from a good ten feet away. 

A few seconds later, as the two met up, Marcy stopped dead in her tracks, took one step back and folded her arms over her chest as she gave her friend the once over.  “You look different.”  The woman finally spoke.

“I do?”

“Yes, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something…  Where were you, anyway?  I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Panic took over.   She had to make up an excuse and quick.   “Um, I was, uh…”  Of course, she didn’t have one.

“Spit it out, girl.”  Marcy remarked.

“I was upstairs.”  Amanda finally announced.

Her friend just looked at her, her nose crinkled with bewilderment.  “Upstairs?  That narrows it down.  Anyway, who cares.   You’ve got to come down to the store.   We got a shipment in today and there’s this dress that has your name all over it.”

”Oh, Marcy.  You know I’m not really in-“

“I will take no argument from you young lady.”  Marcy insisted, grabbing Amanda by the wrist and pulling her towards the elevator. 

“Alright, alright.”  Amanda finally gave in and willingly went with her friend.  Why not?  It would take a whole lot to bump her off the cloud she was floating on.

After JC’s late arrival the day before, he wanted to be sure that he made it on time for the video shoot that evening.  In fact, he decided that arriving early was an even better idea and called Mike shortly after Amanda had left.   Oh, Amanda.  Thoughts of her continued to clutter his mind.  He still couldn’t understand what it was about her that struck him so deeply, but the girl had made an imprint on him like no one had. 

As he and Mike made their venture out of the hotel, he realized he was completely zoned out.  Lately that had been happening more than ever it seemed.  His bodyguard bumped his shoulder and JC took in a deep sigh.   “Huh?”  He asked.

“Hey man, isn’t that your girl?”  Mike discreetly nodded towards the same clothing store JC had spent time in two days before. 

“Huh?”   JC asked again, thinking by the words “your girl” Mike had been referring to Jessie and that definitely would have sent him for a loop.  But when he saw her, he nearly lost it.  His jaw must have dropped because he was completely speechless.  Amanda had a gorgeous figure hiding underneath all those bulky business suits she usually wore.  He noticed that very clearly now as she stood in front of a full length mirror near the back of the store wearing the sexiest black dress he had probably ever seen.  Or maybe it was just her in it that made it so sexy…

Either way, she had to have it and he was bound and determined to be the one who bought it for her.   He marched towards the store with complete determination.

“Hey, where you going?”  Mike asked.

“To buy her that dress.”  JC answered insistently.

“Are you nuts?”  Mike asked.  “You barely know the girl.”

“I know she needs that dress.  Look at her.”

Mike shrugged and agreed. “Yeah, she does look pretty hot.  I take back what I said about her before.”

If JC hadn’t been on such a mission he would have asked what it was exactly Mike HAD said before, but right now he only had one thing on his mind – Amanda.

He stepped into the store and could instantly hear the girls chatting in the back.  “I don’t know Marcy.  This is a little revealing for me.”  Amanda debated as she continually checked over her image in the mirror.

“No, you look amazing in that dress.  You could have any man you wanted wearing that dress.”  Marcy pepped.

“Oh please.”  She smirked.   “I don’t think so.”

”She’s right.”  JC stepped in as Mike stayed a few feet behind him.  Marcy had been right.  Amanda could have any man she wanted wearing that dress, himself included.

Amanda froze stiff.  She didn’t even look at him in the mirror.  The low-back dress was staring him right in the face as he stood only a few steps behind her.  At that moment, he wasn't even sure exactly what he was doing.   Just that he knew he had to see her.  When Mike had pointed her out in that store, he knew right then that he had to see her at that very moment.  And that feeling had more than doubled once he caught sight of her up close – her creamy colored skin, the thin defined muscles in her back, the curve of her waist and the roundness of her – oh, he had better stop those thoughts before he got carried away.

“Well, Mr. Chasez, I knew you were a smart man.”  Marcy grinned, standing beside the tall mirror and in front of Amanda, just enough to give her a quick wink.  “Anyway,” she continued.  “I see I have other customers waiting so I’ll leave you two alone.”

The flighty woman gave him an ear-to-ear grin as she walked past and headed for his bodyguard.  JC could barely take his eyes off Amanda. 

But it was obvious his surprise had made her uncomfortable and that was the last thing he had meant to do.  So, instead of complimenting her as he had wanted, he thought it would be best to ease the tension.   “You know, when I said I’d see ya later I really didn’t think it would be so soon, and regardless of what you might think, I swear I’m not stalking you.”

Her shoulders visibly loosened as she finally managed to look at his reflection behind her in the mirror.  “I didn’t think that.”  She spoke shyly.

“So, are you gonna get it?”  He asked, slowly stepping up beside her.

“Um, I don’t think so.  It’s not really my style.”  She answered, closing her arms around her breasts as she turned to face him.  It was obvious she wasn’t used to wearing those kinds of things.  He wondered about Amanda’s past and why she seemed to be so self conscious.  The girl had nothing to be self conscious about, especially wearing that dress.

“Well, you look incredible.”  Gently he reached to wipe her hair from her shoulder, not even thinking twice about the subtle gesture.   His finger tips brushed against her bare skin and it felt just as good as he’d imagined, smooth as silk. 

But Amanda seemed a little taken aback by his touch, she held onto herself even tighter as she took a step away.   “JC, I can’t sleep with you.”  

The words blurted out of her mouth and he could hardly believe his ears.  “What?”  He asked with shock.

“You heard me.  I can’t have some one night stand or fling or whatever.  I’m just not that kind of girl.”  She continued.

Her words had stung.  There was no question about that.  He could only stare at her with confusion.  “What kind of guy do you think I am?  Is that what you think I want?”

“I don’t know what you want with me.”  She remarked.

He gazed at her with disbelief.  Where had that come from all the sudden?  He thought they had shared a connection.  He never meant to give her the wrong idea.  He was so shocked he didn’t even know what to say.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend already?”  She finally asked, her pale eyes piercing him as she stared so intensely. 

He looked away, knowing he couldn’t lie.  And even though he was enormously attracted to Amanda and did have a great desire to get to know her better, he remembered what he had known all along – new relationships were a bad idea.   “Amanda, I didn’t mean to give you the wrong impression.  You’re right, I do have a girlfriend.”

JC could see the disappointment in her eyes and he realized that he had been way out of line.  He had been leading her on.  What was he thinking?  He had no time to develop a relationship with this girl no matter how much he liked her.  Plus he was leaving town soon.  After that he’d probably never see her again.

“Maybe you should just go now.”  She spoke softly and he knew he better do as she said. 

“Okay.”   He agreed, but he couldn’t leave and let her think he was such a huge jerk that he was only trying to get down her pants.  “But please, don’t be angry with me.”  He said quietly, stepping forward and closing the distance between them, even if it did mean risking a slap in the face.  “You think I’m a jerk, I know.  But I wasn’t trying to get you into my bed and I hope you realize that I do genuinely like you as a person.”

She didn’t answer and couldn’t even look him in the eye.

“JC, just go.  Please.”   She finally spoke after a brief moment, her voice so quiet he could barely hear.

“If that’s what you want.  I won’t bother you anymore.”  He wanted to reach out and grab her, to tell her that he really cared for her and was dying to know her better, but he couldn’t do it.  His mind had finally woken up and dropped reality right on top of him.  So, instead, he flashed her a tight smile, turned and walked away.

Amanda stood trembling, her arms still clenched onto the expensive garment as she hugged her chest.  She watched him walk out of the store and a piece of heart broke away as the door opened and shut, and he disappeared. 

She was on the brink of tears and that was a rare thing for Amanda.  When she did break down, she never let anyone see it.  So, as Marcy marched towards her, she fled into the dressing room to remove the dress and be somewhat alone, hoping the sting of tears would back away.   Even though she knew Marcy would be banging on the door any second.

Which, of course, proved to be true.  “Amanda, open up.”  Marcy called through the slatted wood door.

“This dress is so wrong for me.”  Amanda tried so hard to ignore the hurt she was feeling, but her words came out shaky and she knew Marcy had noticed.  “I could never wear something like this.” 

“Open the door, Amanda.”  Marcy’s tone was insistent.

Amanda ignored her friend as she slumped onto the chair in the tiny room.  He had really wanted her.  She had seen it in his eyes.  He had meant it when he said that she looked incredible. She so wished he would have never snuck up on her like that.  Less than an hour before she had been feeling really good about their little meeting and now she felt hurt and disappointed. 

Even though, her intuition had been right on the money and it was better to learn now than later on down the road.  But what a trip down that road it would have been…  She reminded herself that sometimes it was better just to dream – and much safer, too.

“I’m getting the key.”  Marcy finally threatened. 

“Okay, okay.”  Amanda gave in and opened the door, still wearing the dress as she sat pouting.

“Sweetie, what happened?”  Marcy asked with concern.

“He touched me and I freaked out.  I totally panicked.   I was awful… But it’s better this way, really.”  Amanda interjected for herself.

“It is?   How?  He really likes you, Amanda.”

“He looked at me like I was a piece of meat.”

“No, he did not.”  Marcy argued.   “He looked at you like he really cared, like he could see the beauty that you are so good at hiding all the time.”

“It was just the dress.  He saw flesh – flesh that was not intended for him to see.  I should have never tried on this stupid dress.”

“It wasn’t the dress.  It was you.”   Marcy argued.  The woman was very persistent, but it didn’t matter what she said, Amanda knew things would be better this way.  “So, where exactly did he touch you?” 

“On the shoulder.”  Amanda answered with a sigh as she stared down at her bare toes.  She had even let him see her without shoes on.  The man had seen her bare feet – although, she had a sneaking suspicion that wasn’t exactly what he was interested in.

“And how did it feel?”

“Wonderful.”  Amanda sighed once more, lost in a state of remembrance, but quickly she woke up once she realized her admittance.  “Oh, but it doesn’t matter.  He has a girlfriend.” 

“So.”  

“What do you mean, so?  He’s involved and, may I remind you, leaving very soon and I will probably never see him again, ever.”

Marcy leaned in closer, close enough to invade Amanda’s own personal space, and whispered, “He was gonna buy you that dress.”

If that was supposed to make Amanda feel better, it didn’t.  The last thing she wanted was for him to buy her things.  “I wouldn’t have let him.”  She whispered back, and then questioned her friends announcement.  “Wait, how do you know that?”  She asked, no longer whispering.

“Mr. Mikey told me.”  Marcy grinned.   The girl was such a flirt she could just about get anything out of any man.

“His bodyguard?”

“Yes, according to his big buff security guard, mister sexy, blue-eyed pop star just about fell over when he saw you in that dress and just rushed right in here to see little ol’ you – but, you blew it.”

Amanda stood and pointed to the door with a roll of her eyes.  “Okay, get out now.  I need to change.”

“Glad to see you’re feeling better.”  Marcy spouted as she stepped backwards out of the dressing room.  “He really does like you, you know.”

“Go away, Marcy.”  Amanda spoke sternly.

“I’m going, I’m going.”  Marcy replied.

It didn’t matter, it was better to end it now, regardless.

A few minutes later when Amanda stepped out of the dressing room, clothed in her proper business attire once again, Marcy stood behind the cash register with an evil grin.  “You looked so much better in the dress.”  She sighed.

Amanda rolled her eyes yet another time at her friends’ comment and didn’t even stop to say goodbye.

“Where are you going?”  Marcy asked.

“Away.”   Amanda answered without looking back.

“You’re leaving the hotel?  What happens when he comes back?”

“That’s why I’m leaving.  Now just give it up already.” 

Amanda didn’t even stop at her condo to grab a change of clothes.  She headed straight for the parking garage thinking of nothing more than the serenity of her father’s beach house – which was of course unoccupied at the moment – only thirty minutes away.  Maybe there she would be able to sort out her mixed up head and get back on track.

It was nearly ten p.m. when the guys got a break from filming while the director and crew went over a few set changes.  JC plopped down on an empty sofa and inhaled a hefty sigh as he covered his face with his palms.  “What’s wrong with me?”  He asked himself quietly.

“I ask myself that all the time.”  He hadn’t been expecting an answer, but still wasn’t too surprised to look up and find Chris sitting down beside him.

“You ask what’s wrong with yourself?”  JC remarked, turning towards his friend.

“No, I ask what’s wrong with you.”  Chris smirked.  

JC looked away, staring off into emptiness.   Chris’ antics didn’t phase him one bit.  Instead he focused on the crew across the soundstage as they prepared the next set for a shoot that would begin very soon.  It was noisy and busy and people were zipping by every ten seconds, but JC felt pretty empty inside after his last encounter with Amanda.

“So, I ran into your little hotel hottie earlier.” Chris would have to bring that up.  He hadn’t spoken a word to anyone about what happened and that's pretty much the way he wanted to keep it.  The only one that knew was Mike and he hadn’t even mentioned it.  JC figured his bodyguard knew him well enough to know when he did not want to talk about something and he was thankful for that because the last thing he wanted to do was to talk about Amanda Ballard and the crazy things he felt whenever she came into close range.

“She’s not my anything.”  JC mumbled.  “And I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Ooh, did I hit a soar spot?  Is there something you’d like to share?”

“It’s dumb, and no, not really.”  JC answered.

“If it’s so dumb than how come you don’t want to talk about it?”  Chris continued.

“Seriously, man, just let it go.” 

“Okay, sorry.”  Chris finally let up realizing that his friend was very serious.  “If you change your mind, you know the door’s always open.”

©2001 BrandyRae