I pull up to the all familiar house Kaily got when Momma Gin passed away, my nerves on edge and kill the engine. I take a few deep breaths, rubbing my thighs quickly with my eyes closed. Now for the pep talk. "Vy, he might be your father, but mom never had a mean word when it comes to him. She told you he's a sweet guy with a big heart of gold, always warmly welcoming everyone. He's human, he has every right to have a bad day once in a while. Kaily is gonna be right there. You're gonna be just fine. Plus, Nick is here. You're safe and he won't harm a hair on your head."
I nearly jump out of my skin when I open my eyes. Imagine Nick with his face pressed to my side window, eyes all bugged out and puffing his cheeks out. I catch my breath, my hand over my racing heart as he opens the door and his laughter rings in my ears. I kick his leg and clamber out. "I couldn't resist," he claims.
"I'll getcha back," I tell him as we share a warm embrace.
"Yeah, yeah, Vya. Boog and JC are waiting for you. Kenneth and his band are here."
That's right, too. She just had the hole in her heart closed. "I haven't seen their sorry asses in a long time."
He steps beside me, slinging his arm over my shoulders protectively. "When was the last time you did?" he asks, leading me up the front steps.
"Nearly a year ago."
I walk in with Nick, Kaily's laugh greeting me and it's the kind that everyone has when they're being tickled mercilessly. "Joshua! Stoppit!"
"Mikkaila, no," I hear him argue with her playfully.
"I gotta peeee!" she whines, Nick and I chuckling.
"Lyvia?"
I turn to look at Kenneth, his jaw on the ground. "What's it to ya?" I joke with him, accepting his hug.
"Your ma wasn't kiddin' when she said you look just like Kai's boyfriend."
I see Kaily run for the bathroom. "Hey, Aunt Kaily!"
"Hi. Lemme pee and then I'll drag Josh out here if need be," she quickly rambles, rushing to relieve herself.
I lean against the doorway between the kitchen and living room, arms folded and look out the window. "Lyvia," Kenneth calls out to me, pointing behind me with a bemused expression taking over his face.
I turn to face a man I look practically identical to, his jaw going slack and I'm sure I look just as shocked as him. His hair is wavy and shoulder length, dark. His eyes are a perfect dark sky blue, just like mine are. My cheekbones are on his face, my nose and lips as well. I'm in sheer shock. "Mikkaila?" he calls over his shoulder, our eyes never breaking contact.
"Joshua?" she replies from the bathroom doorway.
"Is this the Olyvia I talked to earlier?"
"Yes, that Olyvia, Joshua."
"I don't think anyone else could be her father, well biologically."
"I know cuz I figured that back when I'd met you."
"How old were you in 01?" he asks me.
"Depending on what part of the year-"
"Summer," he quickly offers up.
"Then I was three years old."
"Wow. I feel like a shitty dad." He pushes his hand through his curlyish locks.
"You didn't know back then," Kaily and I remind him.
"Still going to feel like a shitty dad, regardless of knowing or not," he explains.
"Don't worry about the past, Josh. What matters is you know now and can begin to bond, to have a relationship with her as a dad." She hugs him and he kisses the top of her head, Deven teasing them. Kaily ignores it. "Josh, why don't you take her and one of the kids to get the rest of the stuff Doog needs for dinner?"
"Nick can cook now?" I joke, covering my mouth with my hand.
We both laugh. "Yes, since he's been off the heavies, he's doing more himself and he can make more than just sandwiches and junk. He uses fresh or frozen
foods only," she informs me, walking over to her cork board and getting the list, handing me the required piece of paper.
"Good, I was tired of mac and cheese by the time I was five." I go to the bottom of the stairs and look up them. "Lani! Allons-y!" I call up to her.
"Coming!" she shouts back, racing down the steps seconds later. She wraps her arms around me and hums when I hug her back. "I missed you, Lyvie."
"Missed you more. Get your sneakers on, we're going to the store with.." I trail off, not knowing what to call him.
"Josh is fine if you're not comfortable enough," he assures me that he won't be mad.
"Josh to get what Doogie needs." Lani has always called Nick by his nickname, having heard her mom call him by that more than his actual name.
The entire way to Leominster WalMart, Lani is asking me a million and one questions about Josh. "So, Auntie Clary and Josh dated, but she broke up with him when she got pregnant with you? Why?"
"She didn't want to hold him back from the success he's had."
"She didn't want his money?"
"No, just like Aunt Kaily doesn't want him for his money, either."
"Why are you and momma together?" she demands, focusing on him.
"We make each other happy and from what your mom said, you and your brothers like having me around. I enjoy the time we have, it's nice to be involved in your lives."
"Can I call you 'dad'?"
He and I look at each other. "I don't know how your mom would feel about it, we should talk to her first." My mom always told me he has always been the cautious kind of guy, always considerate of everyone else.
"Just like mom told me," I mumble to myself.
"What was that, Olyvia?" he asks me, pulling into a parking spot.
"Mom always said you've always been considerate of everyone around you and cautious."
"Of course, it helps keep everyone happy most of the time," he confirms.
"Always the peacekeeper," I tease.
He shrugs. "Better than starting bullshit."
"True. You been good, Lani?"
"Of course not," she says, nodding with a grin as she falls into step with me.
"Your brothers?"
"Since Mickie stopped taking the ADHD meds, he's been great and Grahm has his days."
"Auntie Kaily?"
"Much better since Josh started coming around, happier and calmer."
I look at him, wondering why he sticks around. "How long have you known her? Been with her?"
He snaps his head in my direction. "I've known her about a year and we've been together since Christmas Eve."
"Do you ever wonder what she was like before you?"
"Excuse me?" they both reply.
"As a person, a mom, a kid, a woman, a daughter?"
"Between her and Nick, I don't have the chance to wonder."
"Lots of photos and videos?"
"Yes, and letters and stories. I've seen, read or heard it all, Olyvia," he replies, chuckling.
I smile and we begin shopping for what Nick needs for dinner, enjoying ourselves. Now I understand why mom used to tell me I'm just like my dad, we have the same personality and do a lot of the same things, but it took meeting and bonding with him. "She is right... Daddy," I tell him, smiling at him.
"Who's right about what?" I just confused him.
"Mom said I'm just like you."
"I can tell. You're calm, a peacekeeper and you handle Leilani pretty close to the way I do," he agrees. "You also have your mom's brains."
"But I talk the same way you do, daddy."
"Comfortable enough to call me dad already?" he teases, pulling Lani and I to him for a quick group hug.
"Yes," us girls honestly reply, welcoming and returning his warm embrace.
"Leilani, we will see what your mom says about you calling me dad. Olyvia, I'm glad Mikkaila had us meet. You two are my little girls, no matter what age you are."
