December 1, 2011

Los Angeles, CA

4:58 p.m.

The cool, wet grains seeped between and around her toes as she sunk them down into the sand. She inhaled deeply the crispy ocean air as she wrapped her wool blanket around her body to trap in her warmth. She opened her eyes as the breathtaking view of the sun setting over the horizon. The orange, yellows, and red gave the sky a purple tint. The waves gently crushed over each other as the tide went down. She pulled a couple of strands of her hair away from her lips and tossing it back over her shoulder as the wind blew a little stronger than up on the balcony of her room. She took a glance back out the house before sighing and concentrating on the view once more and curling into herself more causing her body to completely disappear underneath the large blanket.

She had been in Los Angeles for two weeks. After the day in the coffee shop, Sanaa had gotten a move on with planning Melanie’s move. Between phone calls to her fiancé and movers, it took a week for all her things to get moved out to California before she even booked her flight. She wouldn’t lie and say that the move was as smooth emotionally as it was physically. She had many nights were she lay awake wondering if the sudden move was in her best interest mentally.

She knew it was time for her to start up her life again, but so soon. She felt as though she hasn’t given herself enough time to adjust somewhat to her reality back home. She felt as though she picking up a running away, but with as much reassurance from her mother and her therapist it would be a great start for her.

Once relocated, she had a severe panic attack the first night in her cousin Malibu home…

“Okay the towels and wash clothes are in the closet in the bathroom. There is plenty of storage in that closet as well. The maid comes to clean the house every Friday afternoon; she does the laundry as well. So anything you need wash just leave in this purple basket and anything dry cleaned just place on the yellow hangers in the closet.” Sanaa pointed towards the closet as they stood in the middle of the oversized guest bed room.

Melanie simply nodded as she followed behind as they made their way back into the bedroom. They just arrived to Sanaa’s Malibu home a couple of hours ago, after a quick lunch Sanaa took Melanie upstairs to show her the room she would be residing in.

Everything about Sanaa’s house was absolutely beautiful especially the view. The house itself wasn’t too overly large, but it was roomy with a cozy feel to it. Every room in the house consists of its own balcony with a view of the blue crystal ocean that was literally steps from the sandy shore.

“Well, I think that’s pretty much it. Josh and I are usually gone from the house early in the morning more often than none before the sun rises, but since I’m not filming I’m usually out doing things for the wedding mid-morning so I’ll be here. Anything in the house you are welcomed too. You are welcomed to drive any of the cars once you feel the need to get out while I’m not here or whenever.” Sanaa rambled on.

Melanie nodded in response as her eyes took in the view. She pressed her fingers into her chest as she felt a slight tightening, thinking it was gas bubble from the Pepsi she had on the plane.

“Oh yeah, Josh has some friends come over once or twice a week to play basketball or hang out, but they are usually down stairs in his so-called Man Cave, and they pretty much stay down there from sun up and sun down, so if you hear the occasional loud noise, just know it a much of men being boys.” She giggled to herself.

Melanie chuckled halfheartedly turning from the view,” Your house is so beautiful Sanaa. You really did well for yourself. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you, and you will too out here. I’m really glad you came out here I know this must be a very hard adjustment, but Josh and I will make it as smooth as possible for you. I’m just glad we can be close once again. I’m thrilled to have you out here.” Sanaa wrapped her arm around her cousin’s shoulder pulling her into a side hug.

“Josh has done so much and I haven’t even met him yet. I feel horrible.”

Sanaa shook her head waving Melanie off as she pulled one of Melanie’s luggage from the floor and unto the California king bed to unpack.

“Don’t. Josh has heard so much about you that he practically knows you so don’t be taken back if he feels the need to hug you tightly when he sees you. Josh is a really loving person, kind hearted. My family is his family even before he asked me to marry him he will tell you that.” Sanaa grinned at the thought of Josh. Melanie didn’t miss the little spark in her eye as she most of her beloved.

Melanie walked over to help pull her own clothes out as she took a look around the room as the warm décor. A lot of warm earth colors, browns, reds, greens. She couldn’t believe it all as she continued to listen to Sanaa as she ramble fondly of Josh as much as Melanie was happy for Sanaa’s found love she couldn’t help but to think back on how Reggie use to be before hell broke loose in their relationship, how she had the very same twinkle in her eyes, but she didn’t dare voice the pain and misery that was welled up inside. She just smiled and nodded her head as she pressed her fingers into her burning chest taking slow breath undetected by Sanaa.

“Are you alright?”

So, she thought.

“Yeah, I’m fine why?” She asked with a slight smile.

Sanaa pointed towards your chest with worry written all over her face.” You have been rubbing at your chest for a while now.”

Melanie dropped her hand shaking her head,” I think it’s a gas bubble stuck in my chest. I have got to lay off the Pepsi’s at night.”

Sanaa chuckled,” You sound like Josh, with beer. I’ll go—matter of fact come with me downstairs. I’ll show you around there while we stop in the kitchen to get you a warm ginger ale to help.”

They ditched the unpacking and made their descent to the main floor. The large windows allowed lots of natural light in, so she couldn’t imagine that their light bill was much, Melanie thought to herself. As they stepped from the stairs they made a right and made their way down the short hall way to the large open kitchen.

“Josh should be walking in the door any minute.” She said more to herself than to Melanie as she looked down at her watch.

Melanie slowly her walk as they walked farther into the kitchen as Sanaa became to point out where the dishes, pans, pots, silverware, condiments, snacks and other things were located. She tried to keep up with her, but the pain in her chest began to intensify causing her to talk quick and short breathes in between her stopping to give her cousin a small smile to indicate that she was still listening.

As Sanaa rambled on the heard the noise of the front door being opened and a man voice echoing through the walls, “Babe, I’m back.”

“We are in here, honey” Sanaa closed the cabinets. Melanie turned her back to her as she faced the entrance of the kitchen trying to massage her chest as quick and hard as she could to get the feeling to go away, but she had a feeling this wasn’t quite bubble. She knew this feeling far to well.

She was in the middle of having a panic. She quickly dropped her hand as Sanaa’s fiancé came strolling into the kitchen meeting her with a smile. He was tall, handsome just as Sanaa described. Sanaa quickly met his side as they their lips met quickly and whispered a hello to each other before turning to her.

“Melanie, this Josh, honey this is my favorite cousin Melanie.” She beamed with pride as her eyes shifted between the both of them as the best of both worlds had come into full alignment. Josh smiled warmly at Melanie as she replied with the same offering a handshake only for him to pull her into a big hug.

“It’s so good to meet you.” He expressed genuinely. Sanaa didn’t lie when she said don’t be surprised if he hugged her instead of a formal greeting.

“Hi.” Melanie managed to breathe out as her heart began to beat through her chest. She closed her eyes shut tightly as she began to gasp out. She couldn’t control anymore. She felt at that very moment her heart was going to burst or she was going to suffocate one.

It startled Josh as he jumped back from a hard shove from Melanie as she tried to catch her breath,” Oh shit. Sanaa what I just do?” He threw her a worried look over his shoulder at her.

She came around in full view,” Shit! She is having a panic attack. Call 911.”

Melanie clawed at her chest desperately for air as tears began to stream down her face as she look at her Sanaa trying to stay calm, but panic on both their faces as her vision began to grow dim,” Josh, Josh catch her she about to pass out!” Sanaa rushed him.

Their voices began to move farther and farther away until all she could hear was,” I should have known this was too much...”

She hated that her front impression to her cousin’s soon to be husband was her being a “freak.” Sanaa insisted that he understood and he didn’t think such a way towards her. She informed her that she did give Josh a little heads up about her panic attacks and a little history of what was going just enough to know that it was fragile situation. It made her feel like a charity case even though she knew deep down that wasn’t the case.

Melanie quickly got on the phone with her therapist to get a new prescription of anti-anxiety pills. The last thing she needed was another one of those at a random moment in front of some of their friends or something. She didn’t want to become a nuisance or feel as though they had to break out of their normal return of any sort to watch out for her mental state. She was reassured somewhat that as long as she stayed on top of her medicine that shouldn’t come up, but that if she didn’t because she was in a new environment that they could be spontaneous in their flare ups. She strongly recommended that she get in contact with another therapist so that she could have more access to someone physically while she was there.

As if that wouldn’t cause another flare-up?

For the moment, she spent most of her mornings and evenings out of the beach watching the sun come up and down. It was the only still place that was still moving that didn’t freak her out. It was where she could sort through her thoughts without getting overwhelmed. She would walk along the beach aimlessly her long jet black hair flowing behind her, but as of right now. She just sat and watched the sun disappear beneath the waters.

“It’s beautiful out here isn’t it?”

She turned her head to see Josh standing a few feet behind her with his hands stuffed into his cargo shorts looking out to the view as well. She nodded,” Stunning.” She replied.

 He stepped along her side pointing to the spot beside her.

“Mind if I sit with you?”

“No not at all.” She smiled. He slowly sat down kicking his legs out resting his hands behind him leaning backwards.

They sat there in silence for a good while watching as the sun finally descend disappearing only leaving a little trail of its radiance behind giving the stars that were appearing an extra glow to them.

Josh had planned on asking her how she was dealing with the move since the only time she spoke was in passing on her way out to the sandy beach or coming back in disappearing up the stairs. She spent a lot of her time out there and if it wasn’t on the beach it wasn’t here it was usually because of the weather, she tucked away in her room. Sanaa would go in to check on her from time to time, only to report that she was sitting in the window sill or she was fast asleep.

It wasn’t much for them to do, Sanaa assured, but to give her a little bit of space. After the panic attack, that probably freaked him more than it did both the ladies together. He hate that he triggered it, but Sanaa insisted that he didn’t do anything. But instead of checking on her, he got lost in the view himself. The view was nothing new to him, but taken the moment to stop everything you were doing to just enjoy it was another.

“So what brings you out here?” Melanie asked breaking through his trance of the water and through his thoughts.

He glanced over at her briefly and smiled,” My plan was to ask you how you were dealing with your new transition, but this view are a distraction.”

They both chuckled, Melanie nodded in agreement resting her chin on her knees,” I’m coping right now. I can’t say that I’m good or that it’s too hard. I’m just coping.”

He nodded understanding completely. The silence fell over them once again before he spoke again,” If there is anything you need from Sanaa and I, or just from her or me. We are here for you. We will do as much as we can.”

“I know and I really do appreciate that. I probably need to start getting the ball rolling in the beginning of the week as far as finding a job. I’ve been looking online I don’t want you guys thinking I’ve been sleeping my life away. I’ve been somewhat productive.” She said with a grin looking over at him with an knowing look.

He shrugged his shoulders with a snicker,” I can’t say that I didn’t know if you had become a part of the walking dead, but –“

She shook her head with a smile of amusement,” I promise I haven’t just trying to get my thoughts together.”

“Totally understandable and no rush, Sanaa just worries a lot about you and when she worries. I secretly worry and we try to comfort one another, it’s a vicious cycle.” He laughs.

Melanie frowns a bit,” I’m sorry.”

Josh quickly shook his head sitting all the way up,” I didn’t say that to make you feel bad sorry that was not intention. I was just talking out loud, but we worry and we just want to see you happy. And I know what you probably think how I can care, we barely know each other, but let me tell you what Sanaa loves I love just as much if not more. She loves you and cares about you. So do I.”

She took a moment to respond,” Thank you. I don’t know how I can repay you guys.”

“Well—“ Josh pushed himself onto his feet and stood up stretching out his body while dusting off his hand, looking down at her.

“You don’t, but if you feel the need to do something. Come join us for dinner.” He held out his hand. She looked up at him and nodded with a warm smile, reaching up taking his hands as he pulled her up with ease. She dusted off the blanket and wrapped it back around her body as they walk side by side towards the house.

Maybe, she did make the right move.