December 1, 2011

Los Angeles, CA

8:13.P.M.

When he said join them for dinner, she didn’t know it meant going out. She didn’t know when was the last time she went out to dinner, but this wasn’t just a restaurant it was more of a longue-type of atmosphere with live music and very exclusive. The owner of the restaurant was the famous Wolfgang Puck.

The view was phenomenal.

The skyline of Los Angeles was just beautiful at night. 

They sat in a large circle booth with a variety of food and wine placed all over the table. The food was culinary master pieces with Chinese inspiration modernized, everything just melted in your mouth and the selection of wine was divine. Melanie loved wine. The conversation was light most of it being Josh, being his comical self. She didn’t know how funny he was until now.  He kept her and Sanaa laughing. She could see why her cousin enjoyed him so much because he was just a great person to be around. He could make you forget about anything and for the moment Melanie forgot all about her problems. She had a break from herself.

Melanie took a sip of her passion fruit cocktail after polishing off a glass of pinot. She had a light buzz causing the room to look livelier than it already was. Sanaa leaned over whispering into her ear,” I need to go to the restroom, want to go with me?”

Melanie pulled back looking at her cousin with a nod as she pulled her napkin from her lap and sat on the table.

“Okay honey we will be back in a minute.” Sanaa announced to Josh as she leaned over to receive a kiss from him. He nodded returning the kiss.

The ladies slide out of the booth and made their way towards the bathroom. Once inside Sanaa disappeared into a stall as Melanie stood at the sink, washing her hands before running them over her dress. She sported a simple yellow dress that stopped just a few inches above her knees with a pair of black strapped heels. She looked over herself before running her fingers through her long now wavy hair.

“I love that dress on you. Yellow is your color it goes great with your skin tone.” Sanaa spoke out loud as she handled her business in the stall.

“Thank you.”

Sanaa emerged and made her way over to the kitchen to wash her hands,” So how you feeling?” She asked looking at her through the mirror.

Melanie smiled,” Really good. I’m having a good time.”

“It’s not too much for you is it?”

“No, I’m good it really is nice to get out. Away from my thoughts you know.”

Sanaa nodded in agreement as she wiped her hands dry and fixed her hair a little bit,” Good, I know you are probably tired of us asking you all the time.”

“You are just looking out for me. I understand.”

“Still it can be annoying.” Sanaa chuckled.

Melanie just shrugged her shoulders with halfhearted grin as watched Sanaa apply more lipstick to her lips. She always thought her cousin was beautiful even though she was twice her age, she still had a youthful glow to her as well as Josh. You they are older, but they still could pass as older college students given the right outfit. It was just a ten-year difference, but it never felt like it. It was either Sanaa was young in personality or Melanie was older in hers. She would like to think the latter of the too.

Growing up with Sanaa, as her being the only child to her mother and father she grew up fast trying to keep up with her. It was never a pressure from Sanaa because she always treated Melanie as if she was her own age and never made her feel like child, which was why they were so close, knitted to each other despite Sanaa career.

Sanaa was witty, smart and oozed confidence like no other, she could be serious, but down right goofy all depending on the situation. She was like perfectly balanced in Melanie’s opinion and over the years Melanie felt as though she came unglued.

But she couldn’t put all the blame on the divorce and the abortion. Melanie had always been slightly off centered, but it always worked for her good until recently. Melanie was the spontaneous, daredevil with attitude. She had a spark once. Sanaa would always call her fresh air when she came in. She moved with the wind in her younger years always having the nickname of Pocahontas. It was because with her waist long black hair, dark copper colored skin and define facial features she resembled the cartoon character in ways if she was ever real. And also the free spirit she portrayed in the movie.

She would go places, no one would go, do things no normal people, hang out with people no one dared too. She was somewhat popular in school because she could hang out with anyone in any given time. She never kept many close friends, but she was friends with everyone. Once she made it to college and met Reggie her life took a drastic turn and her once vibrant world became only one color and the color was Reggie.

The snapping of fingers interrupted Melanie’s deep thought. She blinked quickly and stared into the brown eyes of her cousins. She sighed softly with a weary smile as Sanaa reached out touching her arm gently,” Let’s head back to the table.”

She nodded in response and they quickly exited as other women started piling in. Melanie followed behind her as they swerved their way through other tables as they came upon the table Josh was laughing with another man.

They both looked up as the ladies had approach the unknown man quickly stood to his feet as they were mere inches from the table. Sanaa threw up her arms,” Justin!”

“Sanaa.” He cooed. They embraced each other in a friendly hug, kissing each other’s cheek as Melanie moved around them standing at the entrance of the booth, so Sanaa could slid in beside Josh before she sat down.

The man looked very familiar; she knew she had seen him before. As they stood their talking to each other Melanie eyes wander over the unknown individual. He wore a smoke gray button down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a dark washed pair of nicely pressed jeans, black pair of casual dress shoes with a pair of square framed glasses over his eyes and his head full of short brown curls.

He smiled warmly at Sanaa as his eyes shifted to hers. She drew a deep breath as it dawned on her.

Justin Timberlake.

This cannot be real life

“Justin, I want you to meet my dear cousin Melanie, Melanie this Justin Timberlake.”

He stepped forward holding out his hand,” It’s nice to meet you Ms. Melanie.”

She slid her slightly shaky hand into his. It was warm, soft, but callous all at the same time.

A true man’s hand.

“No it’s so nice to meet you Mr. Timberlake.”

She groaned within herself at how corny she sounded.

He chuckled shaking her hand,” No please, just Justin.”

She nodded as they both pulled back from the hand shake. Sanaa smiled at Melanie with a slight wiggle of her eyebrows as she finally slides beside her fiancé and Melanie slid in beside her. Justin sat back down on the other side of Josh.

“Justin here was just telling me about the new movie he was doing.” Josh spoke drinking some of his beer from a new frosted glass that must have come while they were gone.

“Oh! Wow, another one? You certainly are becoming a stable figure in the acting business Justin.” Sanaa smiled as she ran her hand up and down Josh’s back slowly as his hand land lazily on her knee.

Justin shrug his shoulders looking briefly at Melanie before speaking,” It is definitely something I can see myself doing a lot more of. Acting is just another outlet of creative to me.”

“Yes definitely, you really have a range. You on the SNL tidbits Hilarious, we definitely got to do something together sometime.” Josh noted.

Melanie watched as they conversed with one another as she continued to sip gingerly on her drink staring on quietly. She watched as they interacted as old time friends until she eventually tuned out the conversation as a whole and diverted her attention to the live music which consists of an older man playing rendition of Sade’s “Smooth Operator.”

She swayed to the notes of the music humming quietly to it in perfect harmonization to the melody. She was a lover of music; she couldn’t help but sway, hum or tap her fingers to any beat that caught her. She grew up learning the piano and had become very skilled at it, but never did anything productive with it unless it was around the holidays and she would sing Christmas Carol’s with her parents.

Musically she did a couple of high school musicals and talent shows. She was often approached by her music teacher on doing a major at Berklee College of Music. Maybe if she had taken it seriously she would be in a different place, in a different life. Anything was better than this present moment in herself.

Here she was having a beautiful evening with her cousin and her fiancé, enjoying a fabulous dinner with great music and all she could think about was how she came to this point in life. She could feel herself slipping back into a dark mood that she was constantly struggling to keep herself out of.

This was depression.

It was always a uphill battle that she was constantly fighting. She felt like quick sand at time like as much as she tried to see the brighter side of things, her thoughts would pull her right back in. It was what kept her up at night or it was kept her drained of energy during the day.

She ran her fingers through her thick mane as she began to shift in her seat. She began to feel warm all over, the side effects from her anxiety pills. She could feel herself begin to perspire underneath her arms. Maybe with the anxiety pills it wasn’t the best idea to drink.

“I will definitely hit you up tomorrow so we can get the guys together and hop.” Josh’s voice broke through her thoughts as her eyes landed on Justin rising from the table, shaking his hand.

“Yeah do that for real. I’m free all day. Anytime.”

She watched as he shook Josh’s hand firmly again and then taking Sanaa’s and placing  a kiss on top of hers before turning to Melanie giving her a sincere smile and nod,” Nice to meet you again Melanie.”

“You too.”

And with that he was gone.

Next Morning…

Melanie laid across her bed, swallowed underneath a mountain of plush covers staring at the TV the played quietly in front of her. It was afternoon and she hadn’t left the confines of her bedroom since arriving home from dinner. She dragged her half-drunk body from the car while muttering a goodnight before discarding her clothes and diving into the bed. She didn’t wake until Sanaa popped her head into the room to announce she would be gone most of the morning and afternoon and suggested they went out for a late lunch later on, but Melanie muttered nothing in reply.

She sighed as she watched five women huddled around a large mock dining room table, chatting about hot topics, mindless gossip and not sometimes playful banter. She had planned on laying there most of the day, but from the loud grumbling of her stomach she was forced into up position and pulling her body from the warmth of the comforter.

She pushed the strapped of her tank top up on her shoulders and stood up on her feet, grabbing a hand full her hair and pulling the hair tie from her wrist to wrap it up into a messy bun on the top of her head.

She shuffled her way into the bathroom, to wash her face and brush her teeth while throwing a sweat shirt over her body while pulling down the legs of leggings from their bunched up position from around her knees. She exited the room and made a quick descent down the stair cases before rounding the corner to head the kitchen.

She made her way in heading over to the fridge and pulling it open. Her eyes surveyed the inside before pulling a pack of turkey meat, cheese, mustard and some mayo. She lined them up on the counter and heading into the large walk in pantry to retrieve some bread. As she reached up to pull a loaf off the top shelf, she heard voices.

She frowned as she emerged from the pantry as the voice were becoming clearly and louder. They were deep voices, some deeper than others, but they were definitely men voices. They echoed through the house for a few moments before the sound of a door opening and closing then leaving her in silence.

She assumed Josh was home. She did remember something about Josh having a day where he hung out with some of his guy friends. She shrugged as she began to make a sandwich.

---

“So, she starts nagging about I need to clean up behind myself, that, this, and the other. So, I told her not everyone is a spastic clean freak like she was and she decided to kick me out for the night.”

Trace huffed as he proceeded to flip through his phone as though nothing happened,” And you are complaining about what exactly?” Justin asked as he made a right turn from of the freeway.

“She kicked me out! I thought we were far enough in our relationship that such a tactic wasn’t even conceivable.” Trace spat whaling his arms in the air.

Justin scoffed with a chuckle,” Two weeks bro. You just met the chick.”

Trace rolled his eyes in response,” Anyways, are we almost there man. I’m starving.”

Justin looked at the GPS mantled in the middle of his Porsche dashboard,” About five more minutes man, let me call him up and let him know we close by.”

Justin pressed the Bluetooth button behind the handle of his steering wheel as the system beeped he spoke,” Call Josh D.’

They listened as the phone rang a couple before a voice boomed over the speakers,” Hello?”

“Aye! Josh it’s Justin bro.”

“Oh! What’s up Jay, where you at brotha?”

“Trace and I are in the car right now, we hitting the corner right now. Hitting your street” As Justin turned the left at the corner.

“Cool man, I’ll open the gate now, meet you at the door. The rest of the guys are here.”

“Alright peace.”

“Alright.” The phone clicked and the called ended.

A few moments later, Justin pulled his car up into a long drive as the gates were almost fully opened. He drove up the short hill and pulled his car around behind the vehicles that belong to the other guys Josh had invited. They both pushed opened the door and made their way towards the door as Justin turned and hit remote on his keychain causing his car to chirp in response.

As they jogged up the stairs to the door, it flung opened as Josh appeared sporting a pair of basketball shorts and a sleeveless gray t-shirt with a hand twisted backwards on his head. He threw up his arms with a grin on his face.

“Ready for this ass whooping boys?”

Justin and Trace laughed as they met Josh at the door both giving him a handshake,” Naw man, I think you ready for an ass whooping me and my boy came to divide and conqueror.”

Josh burst into laugh and pointed at Trace,” What? This midget?”

They both laugh while Trace cut his eyes at both them,” Hardy har har. I may be short, but the shorter you are the higher you fly suckas.”

Josh snickered as he stepped back into the house holding the door for them.

“We will see, come on man the guys are waiting down stairs in the game room. I ordered some pizza, some wings, got some chips, and shit few cases of beer.” He shared as he closed the door behind them and walking through the house.

Justin followed behind Trace as they followed suite Justin began to take a look around the walk through the house. As they passed the stairs out the corner of his eye he caught a figure as he turned he saw her. She was walking down the hall way from what he assumed was the kitchen as she held a sandwich and a bottle water in her hands. He slowed his walk a bit as he took in her appearance.

She was looking down, picking at her sandwich before she looked up and made eye contact with him. He remembered her being the cousin of Sanaa’s, the woman from last night. She didn’t say much that night, but kept herself engulfed in the live music that was playing. He noticed her fingers tapping on the table as she played along with the pianist and could hear the faint hum as she song the lyrics to the song.  Being musician he always have had an ear for music, it was something he couldn’t turn off and you could always pick out people who genuinely loved music or possibly a musician themselves.

He nodded towards her in acknowledgement and she return the gesture with a soft smile before continue her way towards the stairs. He couldn’t help, but watch for a moment as she climbed them giving him another glance before he disappeared down the hall.

Josh turned around sharply before the door,” Okay men. This is the pen. The rule is whatever is discussed down here NEVER leaves here. No if ands and buts. With that being said no topic is off limits, but feel free to not answer or talk about anything you don’t feel comfortable with. But no one repeats anything! To anyone! At anytime! Got it?”

Justin and Trace looked at each other before turning,” Got it.”

Josh smirked while opening the door,” May the shit NEVER hit the fan.”

---

“I know we ain’t perfect, but I miss you. I love you Mel. I know I screwed. I said a lot of fucked up things. But we have been married 8 years Melanie that has to mean something.”

Melanie listened to his pleading voice as she laid her in bed with tears streaming down her face and hitting her pillow her heart was breaking all over again. She swore to herself that she would block his number, erase their pictures from her phone and move on as best and fast as she could, but her she was talking to him hours after staring at their pictures.

He had been texting her since she left for L.A. unknown to Sanaa, but they still had a line of communication. It was hard to cut yourself off from someone who claimed they were loved with you, someone you devoted your whole being too. It was harder than people like to believe even after all the hurt and all the lies. It hurt, but she still needed closure, she still needed answers to all her WHY’s and that was something no one in her position could full understand.

“Reggie, too much has happened, too many things have been said for it ever to be the same.” She voiced with an ache in every word.

She could hear him sigh heavily,” I know it could never be the same Mel, but divorce was the only option for you? I mean really Mel?”

“You didn’t expect me to stay did you really Reggie? I mean come on, 8 years of lies, hurt and pain and I tried to love you through, but I can’t” Her heart breaks all over again.

“Love conquerors all remember you use to tell me that all the time. Anytime something happened between you would always say that and we made it work, what’s so different now.”

She sighed wiping the tears from her face and rolling onto her back. A lot was different,” Regg, that only works when both people love each other and are in love with each other.”

“I love you Melanie and you know that!”

“I know you do, but I don’t think you were ever in love with me. I think you loved the idea of us. You loved the life we had together, what we build in the physical, but I don’t ever think you were in love with me as you like play yourself to be. I think you loved how us together made you look.”

The line went silent before he seethed over the line,” Oh so you know my fucking heart now Melanie. You know how I feel inside. This is complete and utter bullshit Melanie and you know. You have taking everything and blamed it on me---.”

“No! YOU won’t own up to your SHIT! I know I’m not perfect Reggie by a long shot. But YOU will not own up to all the lies. You can’t give me explanation you can’t even TELL the truth even now. I ask you about the cheating; you lie and say it didn’t happen when you know DAMN well I know every detail of how every little bitch you fucked went down! So, don’t play me for dumb.”

“You know what. Fuck this shit I don’t need this bullshit. I’m trying to fix the shit and you keep bringing old shit up. We can’t move passed this if you keep bringing up the past .”

She sighed heavily into the phone as tears fall like rain down her stained brown cheeks,” You just don’t get it. Bye Reggie.”

“Mel—“

She pressed the end button and turned off her phone tossing it the nightstand and pulled the covers back up around her hiding herself from the world. As much as she wanted to let go of him, she needed closure. She needed that complete ending, before she could move on to a new beginning.

Until she could get that, she felt as though she was going be stuck right in this place fighting to keep herself above water.