Chapter 12 – Siberia (Part One)

Addy had forgotten how much she hated doctors' offices. The atmosphere made her jittery; the sterile smell, the bright lighting, and especially the décor – the ugly chairs, fake marble counter tops, and the posters that surrounded you that you couldn't help but read. She had gotten used to being in the comfortable environment of a therapist's office, but these still made her cringe.

She shifted on the table, sighing when the paper crunched under her. The longer her doctor was out of the room, the more time she had to think of all the things she had to do today. Tonight was the night of the engagement party and she had a lot of things back home to set up before they would be ready. Justin and JC were flying in together from Los Angeles and she had to pick them up from the airport in less than two hours. The trip to the doctor had thrown a wrench in her entire day, but she knew Lance was right that she needed to go – especially since she knew he wouldn't drop it until she did.

The time he had been in the room, the doctor had looked in her eyes, ears, and down her throat. After a few minutes, he only said he wanted to run a few tests on her and had ordered her downstairs for blood work. Not only had it kicked in her nerves, it led her to believe that he didn't think she had a simple flu.

She was seconds away from wondering if she was dying or being a hypochondriac when there was a courtesy knock on the door and the doctor popped in.

“Hello again, Adeline,” he said, smiling briefly at her before he turned his nose down towards her file. “I'm sorry that took so long, but I looked over your blood work and I think I know what's wrong.”

“Is it the flu?” she asked.

“No, it's definitely not the flu,” he said as he sat down on his rolling stool.

“Then what's wrong with me?” she asked. “It's not some exotic virus from China or something, is it? I haven't done any traveling lately.”

“No, it's nothing like that,” he said, chuckling. “I ran the blood tests because I had a suspicion, and my suspicion was confirmed. Adeline, you're pregnant.”

She blinked her eyes a few times before the words traveled through her ears and into her brain, and she felt the blood pour from her face down to her knees.

“I'm sorry...did you...what did you say?”

“This is not the flu and it's not a virus, Adeline. You are pregnant.”

She shook her head. “I'm on birth control,” she said. “I can't be pregnant. Those blood tests are wrong.”

“No, they're not wrong,” he said. He glanced down at his chart again. “This anti-anxiety medication you listed – are you still taking that?”

“Yeah.”

“How long?” he asked, writing a few notes on the clipboard in front of him.

“I don't know,” she said. “Uh, five or six months, I guess.”

“Have you been taking it with your normal birth control?”

“Of course,” she said.

“Have you used any other methods of birth control?”

“Well, no,” she said. “I didn't think I needed to.”

“Was the doctor who prescribed it to you aware that you were on birth control?”

“Doctor, what's going on?”

He sighed, sensing the panic in her voice.

“The anti-anxiety medication could have interfered and counteracted the effects of your birth control,” he said. “It's not entirely uncommon – but it's not widely known. A lot of people know how antibiotics can affect birth control – but there's a much wider range of medications that can do the same thing that women don't know about.”

She made a noise that sounded like a scoff, trying to catch her breath. She watched him pull a pen from his pocket and start writing on a notepad.

“I assume this was unintended?” he asked.

“You could say that,” she said, barely above a whisper.

“Adeline, I know your history,” he said, speaking softly. He stopped writing long enough to place a hand on her arm to comfort her. “This can be hard, especially if it was unintentional. I know your concerns and worries. I've looked over everything I can as a general practitioner – and I can tell you that everything looks great.”

Instead of breathing a sigh of relief, she breathed and started crying. She wanted to scream; it felt like her heart was ripping out of her chest, and she was sure the doctor could feel it when he squeezed her wrist lightly.

“I'm sending you downstairs to a colleague of mine, an obstetrician,” he said. “He's going to fit you in after his last appointment, before he goes home for the day, and run some more tests and do an ultrasound. He'll put your mind at ease. He already knows of your situation. He and his wife have had three miscarriages themselves. You'll be in good hands.”

She took the paper that he ripped out of his notepad from his hand without a word, with the information of the doctor she was to go see now.

“I'll leave you a few moments to yourself, Ms. James,” he said as he started to walk away. He turned back to her as he opened the door. “And congratulations.”

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She had to rush to the airport from the doctor, avoiding the bridge and the rush hour traffic on the way, in order to make it in time to pick up Justin and JC when their plane landed at the scheduled 5:35.

She had done her crying at the doctor's office, and in the car while she sat in the parking lot. She knew she couldn't let Justin and JC see her crying. They would ask why, and she couldn't tell them – at least not before she told Lance. When she felt she had herself composed, she headed off to the airport, practicing her poker face the whole way.

The ultrasound picture was stuffed inside her purse the whole time she stood in the airport, waiting for their plane to finally land. She didn't even bother with a sign to hold up; they would know her.

Ten minutes after their plane was scheduled to land, people started to file out of the terminal and before long, she saw the two of them walk out together, smiling at her when they saw her. She pasted a smile on her face that she hoped was convincing as Justin closed in on her, his arms outspread to her.

“Addy-Bo-Baddy!” he said, immediately grabbing her in a hug.

He wrapped his arms around her chest so tight that she struggled to breathe for a moment, laughing when he released her.

“Gentle Justin, I'd like to have a ribcage intact after this weekend.”

“I'm excited to see you, that's all,” he said. “It's been a while.”

“A couple weeks,” she said, breathing a sigh.

She turned her head to JC, knowing that the true test was convincing him that nothing was different.

“Hey, Ad,” he said, smiling at her. “How's things?”

“They're good, JC,” she responded, nodding.

Before she knew it, she realized she was back in the Expedition, driving down the road with Justin sitting next to her in the passenger seat and JC leaning up slightly between them from the back.

“...Addy, tell him he's wrong.”

Her head popped up when she realized that Justin was talking to her.

“Huh?”

“JC thinks that the Patriots could have defeated the Giants in the Super Bowl this year if they had played their defense better,” he said. “Tell him he's wrong, that they never had a chance.”

“They kicked ass in the third quarter, Justin.”

“Dude, you're a moron, did you see the way Eli Manning was playing? Addy, tell him.”

“Oh,” she said. “Yeah, I don't follow football guys. I didn't even watch the Super Bowl. Sorry.”

She had been so distracted that she didn't remember at what point she had left the airport with them, or gotten in the car, or even started driving. Looking at each other quizzically first, JC and Justin looked over at her.

“Addy, are you okay?” JC asked.

“Yeah, you seem distracted,” Justin said. “And seriously? Not even the commercials?”

“Justin, shut up,” JC said, smacking him on the shoulder.

“No, guys, I'm fine,” she said, shaking her head and giving them a fake smile. “Sorry, I'm distracted thinking about the party tonight. Worried if it's going to go off without a hitch, that's all.”

“Ahh, don't worry,” Justin said with a sly smile. “It'll be fine, Ad. We've got whiskey.”

JC scoffed and glanced at her. “Of course that's his solution.”

She glanced in the mirror, looking back at JC. If only she could partake in the celebration; but there was no way that whiskey could or would help her now.

When they arrived back at the apartment, Lance was already home, much to her surprise. She knew he was running a Best Of show on the radio tonight so he could be home for the party, but he had said that he had some errands to run before the party and might not be back before she was home. She was surprised to see him when she walked through the door in front of Justin and JC.

The first thing Lance did was lean in to wrap an arm around her waist and place a kiss on her cheek. Unintentionally, she shied away from his touch – but if he noticed, he quickly forgot when he saw Justin and JC.

It wasn't long before they greeted each other loudly, whooping and hollering, slapping hands and bumping fists as if they hadn't seen each other in ten years.

“Congratulations, man!” Justin said loudly, slapping Lance on the back. “You're becoming a member of the Ball-and-Chain Club. You dumbass.”

Lance laughed, and accepted quieter congratulations and greetings from JC.

“I've got whiskey,” Justin said proudly.

“That's all I heard the whole plane ride here, about his damn whiskey,” JC said to Lance. “You'd swear he had mined liquid gold himself.”

“Hey, it's damn fine whiskey,” Justin said defensively. “Better be, I paid a fortune for it.”

“Some things never change,” Lance said with a laugh.

Thankful that the attention was off her, Addy shrugged her jacket off and threw it over the back of the chair, preparing to slip quietly away before anyone noticed.

“Hey, Ad,” Justin said as she had started to walk away. “Aren't you going to join us in a celebratory shot?”

“Yeah, didn't you hear Justin? He paid a fortune for his damn fine whiskey,” JC said. “We can't let him get wasted on it all by himself.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I'm tired, guys. I think I'll go lay down for a bit before the party starts. Sorry.”

“Dude, what's up with Addy?” Justin said after she disappeared from the room and closed the bedroom door.

“She seems different,” JC said. “Not herself.”

“I don't know,” Lance said. Justin and JC both picked up on the concern in his voice. “I'm worried about her. She's got so much going on right now. She's been exhausted since we moved back from Los Angeles; she can sleep ten hours in one night and still feel tired. She's been feeling sick lately, hardly eating anything – and it's only gotten worse since the murder.”

“I can't believe someone got murdered in your fucking apartment building,” Justin said, shaking his head.

“And she was friends with the guy. I joked with her about it all the time because he had a crush on her, but...I should have known she saw something in him that I didn't see, because she doesn't make friends that easily. I can't imagine seeing one of my friends murdered.”

“I'm worried about you guys, though,” JC said. “That guy getting killed was a warning. Whoever went after him might be going after one of you next.”

“Don't say that in front of her,” Lance said, looking briefly at the closed bedroom door with a sigh.

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The boys catching up in the living room, distracted by each other and the celebratory whiskey she saw they had already cracked open between the three of them, gave her enough time to quietly slip out of the bedroom and into the bathroom with her purse in her hand.

The first thing she did after locking the door was pull the ultrasound out of her purse. The second thing she did was reach into her purse and pulled out the small disk and the orange bottle. She turned the water on in the sink, low so the noise hopefully wouldn't travel into the living room, and picked up the orange bottle from the counter top. It was the thing that had betrayed her. It was supposed to help her; instead, it had put her in exactly the position she had tried so hard to avoid.

She opened the cap and immediately dumped all the pills into the sink, watching as the water carried each one down the drain. She did the same with the birth control pills in the disk, popping each remaining pill out of its bubble pack directly into the sink. She couldn't take them now anyway; she had been advised by her doctor to stop both medications because of the risks to the baby.

Baby. They were going to have a baby. She ran her hand under the stream of water and brushed it gently over her face to cool her. She still couldn't get used to hearing that sentence run through her head. She didn't know how she could bring herself to say it.

The first thing that occurred to her was how she could bring herself to tell him. Now that she looked back on it, she should have been able to see it – the nausea, the aversions to some of her favorite foods, the exhaustion, all symptoms she had experienced with her last pregnancy. She had missed a period but she had credited that to the added stress; it had happened to her before, so it wasn't unusual. She was always consistent with her birth control; there was never a reason to think that it could have failed on her.

And he wouldn't have been able to see it either, because she had lied to him. He believed she couldn't ever have his children, and because of her own selfish tendencies, she had let him believe exactly that. If she had told him the truth from the beginning, she would be able to lean on him for support now.

Essentially, she had royally screwed herself.

She spent a few more minutes cooling down in the bathroom before Justin interrupted, needing the room. She slipped out quietly, assuring him that she was okay when he became concerned again, and slipped back into the bedroom without seeing the other two.

She was able to lay down and take a nap for about an hour before she had to get up and start getting ready for the party. In only her bra and panties, she glanced at her image sideways in the mirror, sighing when she already noticed her figure changing. What slight baby bump she already had at ten weeks wasn't noticeable enough that she would have to hide it, but she already noticed the small changes from the way her body normally looked – the slightly swollen breasts, her hips a little wider than they normally were, and the rosier appearance of her skin, what they called “the glow”.

She slipped into a long, black gown after trying on the purple dress that she had planned to wear, disappointed when it already fit too tight for comfort. She threw her hair quickly into an up-do with a clip and was putting on her makeup when Lance slipped into the room, already dressed in his suit and tie.

“You okay?” he asked, running his hands softly down her shoulders and forearms from where he stood behind her.

“Yeah,” she said to the image in the mirror. “Yeah, I'm fine. A little tired. And sick. But I'll be okay.”

“You never told me what the doctor said.”

She swallowed the lump in her throat and stared back at him, preparing to lie straight to his face.

“He said it was probably mono,” she said, surprising herself with her calm demeanor despite how she felt inside. “There's nothing they can do about it; I have to get plenty of rest and let it run its course.”

“Mono,” he said, and for a moment she thought he would challenge her diagnosis. But then his face softened. “So that means I can't kiss you?”

“I guess not,” she said, faking a slight smile.

“Too bad. I guess I'll have to find other ways to show you how much I love you.”

She didn't respond; she looked away from his face in the mirror, closed her compact and gathered up all her makeup to avoid his stare, fearful that he would be able to see her lie on her face. When he moved his hands from her arms to her waist and around to her stomach, her breath caught in her throat.

“I thought you were going to wear the purple dress?” he asked.

“I changed my mind,” she said. She wasn't comfortable having his hands so close to her stomach; she had an unreasonable fear that he would notice the change in her weight. “I thought this would be more comfortable.”

“Yeah, you're probably right,” he said.

If there was a perfect time to tell him the truth, she realized this was it. She had him alone, away from their guests and the party, and in a relatively good mood. It was too late in the evening to fully cancel the party, and he could have the whole night to process the news.

“Lance, I'm...”

She felt her mouth open and heard the first two words come out, but her voice stopped short of the one word she needed to say. He turned to look at her intently.

“What, Addy?”

She wanted to say it. She wanted to lay it all out on the table and finally stop the string of lies she had told him, stop protecting only herself. She wanted to force the word out of her throat, but when she tried, it felt as if she had a noose around her neck preventing her from talking.

“I have to finish getting ready,” she finally heard herself say. Even though her heart was screaming the right words, they were stopped short in her throat, choking her.

“Yeah, I should probably get back out there,” he said. “Justin's already almost through the whiskey and he'll be working on the other stuff next. I should try to help JC slow him down.”

She turned back to the mirror as he started walking out of the room, stopping only to grab her arm and slightly pull her towards him.

“Mono be damned,” he said, pulling her to his lips and placing a soft kiss on them.

He smiled and she smiled back, surprised even at herself.

“It will be a good night, Addy,” he said. “All our friends are here, they're celebrating, they're happy. This is the first day of the rest of our life together.”

He let her go and when he finally walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, she allowed herself a heavy breath that she didn't realize she had been holding.

The first day of the rest of their life together. And she was starting it out with a bold-faced lie.

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Melissa was the first to arrive with the food, and Adeline gathered herself enough to help her set up the table as she brought things over from her apartment. Joanna and her husband Nick arrived, then Jamie-Lynn and her boyfriend Cutter, followed closely after by Joey and Kelly, then Chris. A few more people came, filling up the apartment quickly. By the time that Stephanie arrived, Adeline was already starting to feel claustrophobic.

“I'm here,” Stephanie said the minute that Lance opened the door, walking in without a hello and pulling her light wrap off her shoulders. “I'm a little late, I'm a little annoyed, but I'm here.”

“And there goes the whole party,” Lance said to Chris as he closed the door.

“You, shut up, take this,” Stephanie said, tossing the wrap to Lance without warning. “Make yourself useful.”

“Good to see you again, Steph,” he said. “So good.”

“Darling!” Stephanie said when she saw Adeline walk into the living room, followed by Melissa. “Come here, give me a hug. It's been forever.”

Melissa crossed her arms over her chest when Adeline embraced the new woman in the room, looking down as Chris looked up at her. She shifted her feet uncomfortably, digging the toes of her pointy heels into the carpet.

“It's good to see you,” Adeline said as Stephanie gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek. “It's been a long time since we've gotten together.”

“Yeah, I've taken on a couple new clients so I feel like I'm working all the time,” Stephanie said. “I'm too tired to even make a phone call most nights. Who is this?”

Melissa looked up to see Adeline and the new woman looking over at her.

“This is my friend Melissa,” Addy said with a smile. “She's also our neighbor.”

“I pity you, dear,” Stephanie said as she held out her hand to Melissa, who quietly shook it.

“And this is Stephanie,” Addy said with a slight chuckle. “She's one of my best friends and was Lance's assistant before me.”

“Oh God,” Melissa said. “I pity you, too.”

“Damn, I can't really be that bad, can I?” Lance asked.

“Yes,” all three women said in unison, laughing.

“To the booze,” Stephanie finally said. “Let's get this party started.”

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JC had joined the crowd in the living room a few minutes late after using the bathroom to change into his suit. He went immediately to the appetizer table, reaching for an egg roll to put on his plate when Joey came up behind him and slapped him on the back.

“Yo, man,” Joey said, smiling. “How's it going?”

“Yo!” JC said with a chuckle, slightly startled by Joey's greeting.

“Great party, huh?”

“Yeah, looks like it could be,” JC responded.

“Lance always throws pretty good parties,” Joey said. Then he laughed. “You should have been here for Lance and Addy's last party.”

JC looked over to see Lance and Addy standing with Stephanie, Melissa, and Justin, all chatting. He noticed that when Lance tightly gripped her hand and leaned in to kiss her cheek, she slightly shied away from him – and it wasn't the first time he had seen it tonight.

“Speaking of Addy,” he said, “you noticed she's acting weird tonight?”

“Nah man,” Joey said, grabbing a plate and scanning his eyes over the table of food. “That's Addy. Something constantly going through that head of hers. Who knows what she's thinking now.”

“Nah, she's acting even weirder,” JC said, his eyes still set on her. “Distracted, distant – sort of cold towards Lance, too. Something's going on. And I'm going to find out what it is.”