Chapter 38 – Almost Perfect

Adeline slowly opened her eyes, her sight blurry still. Her eyelids fluttered a few times before the room started to clear up. It felt like she had been asleep for hours, but the first thing she saw when her eyes adjusted was the analog clock on the wall that said it was only nine in the morning.

She sighed, bleary from the medicine still, and lowered her head on the pillow to see Lance sitting next to her in a recliner, his eyes closed. She smiled; it still amazed her that he could sleep anywhere sitting up. She had seen pictures of him sleeping the same way when he was touring with the group. He could sleep sitting on couches, in airplane seats...she suspected all five of them could sleep standing up if they needed to, but she hadn't seen it in action yet.

“Lance,” she said, but it came out as a whisper since her throat was dry and scratchy. She lifted her arm from her side, being careful of the IV still attached to her, and reached over as far as she could to brush against his arm. “Lance.”

He stirred and opened his eyes, tired but trying to stay awake because of his injury, looking over at her and smiling.

“Hey,” he whispered. “You're awake.”

“How long did I sleep?” she asked, her voice still coming out dry.

“Only a couple of hours.” He stood up and immediately reached over to the table next to her to pour her a glass of water, handing it to her. “You must be exhausted.”

She took a drink, her throat immediately feeling better as the water slid down her throat. She was still tired, not having slept all night and her energy being drained, but she only had one concern and it wasn't more sleep.

“Where is he?”

He sighed, sensing a note of concern and panic still left over in her voice, but he smiled.

She watched him silently walk away from her and over to the bassinet on the other side of the bed. She hadn't noticed it in the few moments she had been awake, only looking at him. She watched as he carefully reached in with both hands and lifted up the rolled up blanket.

“There you go,” he whispered as he placed the bundle in the crook of his elbow, looking down. “Let's go see mama.”

It didn't register for her as he walked over to her right side carrying it, even as he said “mama” and stared down with an admiration that she had never seen on his face before – even when he looked at her. It wasn't until he reached her bedside and she saw a tiny head with a blue hat that the feelings started.

He leaned down and put the entire blanket in her arms, as he had held it in his. The minute she felt weight and warmth and her eyes laid sight on the small face in front of her, she felt the full gravity of it hit her.

“Meet Liam Aiden, mom,” he said with a smile.

She had gotten to hold him right after he had been born, but there had been too many other elements going on for her to remember much; exhaustion after a full night of labor, pain, medicine, a room full of staff, and enough panic and anxiety – from both her and Lance – to render anyone useless. All she knew from those moments was that he was outside of her body, but he wasn't real to her yet. She had spent too long – two years on top of the eight months she was pregnant – convincing herself that he wasn't real.

But the minute she stared at his mouth, his nose, and the brown eyes, it hit her all at once, like being hit by a truck.

“Oh my God,” she said. It only came out as a whisper as she felt the tears start to well up. “Look at him.”

“That's all I've done while you slept,” he said, finding a space to sit next to her in the hospital bed.

“He's...”

She couldn't speak as her mouth trembled and tears started to roll down her cheeks.

“Beautiful?” he asked, smoothing a stray piece of hair away from his son's ear.

“No,” she said, fighting her tears. “He's real.”

She felt him nod, but neither of them spoke for several minutes. She spent it all with a range of emotions. Even with tears in her eyes, she couldn't stop staring at him, his eyes closing sleepily from being wide open at first. Every part of him was perfect, from the thin layer of dark blonde hair on his head to the chubby cheeks, down to the tiny fingers with even smaller fingernails that grasped Lance's finger.

And then for a few moments, she had to turn her head away from him and bury it into Lance's neck. She let fear take her over – fear that a nurse would come in and take him from her arms and tell her it was all a mistake, or that she would turn her head back to him and he would be gone.

“It's okay,” he whispered into her ear as he felt her tears against his skin. “He's not going anywhere.”

After being with her for most of the years after her miscarriage, and through her pregnancy and every kick and tiny concern, he finally understood her fears. He understood them more than he wanted to, because they were his as well. He had to spend some time after he was born and while she was sleeping convincing himself that his son was really here, and not going to be taken away from them.

“My mom is on a plane right now,” he said as she turned her head back to look at the baby. “Chris and Mel are coming back from Pennsylvania this morning and offered to pick her up from the airport. She should be here in a few hours – and the first thing she's going to want to do is hold him.”

“I don't think I can let him go,” she said honestly.

“Not even to me?” he asked with a smile.

“You'll have to fight me for him,” she said, chuckling through her tears.

“I guess I can share,” he said.

Within a few minutes, they both did have to let go – first to Joey and Kelly who stopped by for a quick visit. Over the next few hours, nurses and the doctor came through the room on their rounds, and during the quieter moments she grabbed a few naps.

While she napped after lunch, Chris arrived with Diane. Chris said hello to Lance, but quickly left the room to grab a cup of coffee and give them some privacy. She immediately went to Lance's side as he held the baby in the chair, taking a seat on the arm. After a quick look, she put her arm around him.

“I'm so glad you're safe, honey,” she said. “Your dad and I were so worried that something bad was going to happen to you and Adeline, or the baby.”

“I was only ever worried about her and Liam,” he said. He had taken off the hospital hat and ran his hand lightly down the baby's head. “It's weird. I mean, she's proven to me time and time again that she's capable of taking care of herself – and that meant she could take care of him, too.”

“That's not weird,” she said. “You love her. And no matter what age your child is, he'll always be your baby.”

She ran a finger over Liam's cheek, and they both smiled when his mouth moved in response.

“You don't ever want to see him get hurt, get sick, or have his heart broken. You can keep him safe for a little while because he can't do anything on his own. But then he'll start walking and he'll fall and bump his head. And that will heal after a while, but then his cousin will whack him over the head with a broom.”

He laughed along with her, remembering the accident he'd had when he was a kid that left him with the scar on his eyebrow.

“Liam will start school and then he'll think he can do anything,” she continued. “He'll think he's all grown up and he doesn't need you anymore. One day he'll be out riding his bike and not wear his knee pads like his mom tells him to, and he'll scrape a knee. Then all of a sudden, he needs you again.”

He looked over at his mother, who smiled down at the baby, as if she was remembering something fondly.

“Then before you know it, he will be all grown up. He'll go off and get married, have his own family, and then he doesn't need you anymore.”

“I still need you mama,” he said. “I have no idea how to do this on my own.”

“Oh sweetie,” she said with a smile. “Yes you do – but that's exactly what a mother wants to hear right now.”

He smiled back at his mother, but he couldn't be sure she was right. He had never been a father before. He had absolutely no experience at it, and he couldn't rely on instinct – what if he had none? His father was so good at it, and he wanted to live up to that.

“Now,” she said, distracting him, “I only have a week to stay with you guys, and I'm wasting it away. Give me that baby.”

He laughed and stood up from the chair so his mother could sit down, and handed Liam over to her. She took him with experience, cradling him close to her.

“Get out of here,” she said when she got comfortable, using her hand to swat him on his thigh. “Go get food or something. We'll be fine here.”

He didn't want to leave the room in case Adeline woke up while he was gone and got worried, but he knew that his mother would only be more persistent if he didn't. So instead of resisting, he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek.

“I love you, mom. Thanks for being here.”

“I love you too,” she said, returning the kiss on his cheek. “Now get out of here.”

He chuckled but instead of heading straight for the door, he walked a few steps over to the bed where Addy was still asleep. He leaned down and pushed her bangs away from her eyes and kissed her forehead.

“And I love you,” he whispered before he walked away.

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“Baby!”

Lance winced as he heard the shrill shriek in his ear.

“Shhhh,” he whispered loudly at Mel, holding his index finger up to his mouth. “Sleeping baby.”

“Sorry,” she whispered back. “Baby!”

Lance, Addy and Chris all chuckled softly as she rushed over, sitting next to Lance on the couch.

“Give me that baby,” she said, immediately launching into baby talk when Lance shook his head and gently placed the baby in her arms.

“Did you have fun in Pennsylvania?” Addy asked from her bed.

Melissa went on, cooing at the baby, as if she didn't hear the question.

“I guess not,” Lance said to Chris with a chuckle.

“I've been pushed out of the picture by a twenty-one inch human being who can't chew food and smiles when he farts,” Chris said. “But hey, it's all good.”

Lance laughed. “Hey, maybe you should have one of your own.”

Addy smiled at Lance when they both saw Chris's panic-stricken face.

“Don't have a heart attack, Kirkpatrick,” Lance said. “They don't have a crash cart on the maternity floor.”

“You're funny,” Chris responded. “Tell me Lance, how was your Thanksgiving? Do anything fun?”

“Oh, you know,” Lance responded casually. “My parents got in about noon on Thanksgiving Day. We had some delicious homemade turkey with all the trimmings. Then we had dessert and wine – except for Addy, because...well, you know.”

Addy nodded.

“Then we enjoyed a weekend of watching the snow fall down and sitting by the new fireplace, enjoying each others company,” Lance continued. “Oh, and then Addy's crazy ex-husband broke into our house, tied us up, and nearly killed us. Overall...typical holiday weekend.”

Addy chuckled. “If we didn't laugh about it, I think we'd cry.”

“I'm so sorry I wasn't here,” Melissa said to Addy, her attention finally breaking away from the baby.

“I was lucky,” Addy responded. “Lance knew something was wrong and came home. If he hadn't come home...”

“Say it,” he said, smiling at Addy.

She rolled her eyes. “For once, he knew better than I did. There, I said it.”

“You heard it,” Lance said, pointing at Chris.

“And he'll never hear it again,” Addy said.

“Your eye looks rough,” Chris said, looking at the cut on Lance's eyebrow.

“Doctor said he doesn't have a concussion, but he sure knocked something loose up there,” Addy said.

“He's assuming that Lance had something up there to knock loose to begin with.”

Lance narrowed his eyes at Chris. “I thought it was tradition to hand out cigars at the birth of a new baby, not sarcastic remarks.”

An hour later, Addy had fallen asleep again. Mel had pulled herself away from the baby long enough to head down to the cafeteria for a coffee, and Chris was sitting next to Lance on the couch, looking over his shoulder as he held his son.

“You wanna hold him?” he asked, looking up at Chris with a smile.

“No way,” Chris said. “He's tiny. I'll break him.”

“If I haven't broken him by now, neither will you.”

Chris protested, but Lance maneuvered the baby into his arms anyway.

“Whoa,” Chris said the minute Lance let go and he realized he was holding a tiny human being on his own. “Just...whoa.”

“Yeah,” Lance said, brushing his hair back with his hand. “I know. It's pretty amazing, right?”

“Dude, you're a dad,” Chris said, staring at Liam. Suddenly, he felt almost in a trance. “How did that happen?”

Lance only laughed in response.

“I remember when you were this lanky, dorky sixteen-year-old kid with a bad haircut...it's hard to believe that was eighteen years ago.”

“God, it has been eighteen years, hasn't it?” Lance said. “Wow.”

“You ever miss it?” Chris asked.

Lance narrowed his eyebrows. “What...NSYNC?”

“Yeah,” Chris said.

“I don't know, what is there to miss?” Lance asked. “Touring all over the world? Never having time for your family? The horrible plastic clothes they used to put us in? Or my bad dancing?”

“There was good stuff too,” Chris said.

“I miss it every day of my life,” Lance said, and Chris looked up to meet his eyes. “The touring, the performing, the rush, the show. You know, you think when you're up there, and you feel the lights that are about a million degrees beating down on you, and you're sweating through your shirt, and your legs feel like Jello because you've been dancing for hours...you think all you want to be doing is sitting at home in your pajamas with your family watching TV. You'd give anything to be doing that, to have a break from it. But when it's gone...you miss it like hell.”

“I think we've officially gone crazy,” Chris said.

“Since Addy came along, I miss it even more,” Lance said. “I've got everything I want finally – there's only one thing that would make it perfect.”

“The love of a woman will do that to you,” Chris said. “Put things into perspective. I wish I had that.”

Lance looked up when he heard the door open, and smiled as Mel stepped back into the room, a blue and white stuffed sock monkey in her hand. She smiled at both of them.

“You do,” he said, his eyes cutting to Chris.