I’m awake. Well, I guess I am. There’s this buzzing sound though…it’s so loud, it’s making me think that I might still be sleeping. I try to snap out of it and force myself back into reality, but I realize I can’t. This is as awake as I’m going to get for now. I wonder what time it is…what day it is. I have no idea how long it’s been since…since…

I push the thought out of my head and I sit up a little, expecting to feel the pull of the chain against the bedpost when I move my hand. But I realize that I’m not on the god damn bed anymore. I’m back in this cellar again…and my clothes are back on. When did this happen? Was I so out of it that I couldn’t even dress myself? Who dressed me…

Shane.

The very thought of him causes me to shudder. Then I cough, and a moment later, I’m vomiting all over the place. I don’t know what’s coming out of me, because I haven’t eaten since Friday night. It’s gross though, and it’s burning my throat. It must be some weird combination of stomach acid, water, and that soft drink I guzzled down the other day. When I’m through, I collapse onto the floor again, and roll onto my side. I can’t move now. I have no energy left in my body. I’m in so much pain too…my entire body is one big throbbing bruise. I don’t even know if I can walk. But…I realize I can’t be acting like this. What if I get my chance? What if I get that split second to get out of here, and I blow it because I’m too much of a pussy to suck it up and run?

I need to toughen up and be a man.

But…how can I be a man? After what happened…I don’t know if I deserve that title anymore. I let Shane…do that to me. I laid there, like a little pussy and let him shove his dick inside of me. I thought I was tough. I thought I was strong and invincible…but I guess I don’t know myself at all. I could have stopped Shane. I could have sucked it up and pushed him off of me. But I didn’t even try. I just…dammit…I just laid there and let him rape me. It was almost like I wanted it…like I wanted him. Maybe he was right. Maybe I have been looking at him…watching him…wanting him. Maybe I am gay. Hell, I don’t know what I am anymore.

It’s our secret…I keep hearing him say it, over and over. It’s our secret…it has to be a secret, because if anybody found out what I did with him…they would lose all of their respect for me. Momma, daddy, Trace, Marty…Nick…my management, my label…my fans…if any of them find out, I’ll never work again. It’s our secret…will he keep his end of the bargain? Will he tell Kerri…

Kerri…

I force myself to sit up straight, and I yelp in pain as I move some part of my body the wrong way. Kerri…she’s not back. He said he wouldn’t kill her if I did what he wanted. Well, I did it Shane. I fucking did it…so where is she? “Dammit!” I try to yell. I can’t yell though. I can barely get the words out, my throat is so dry and sore. I’m pathetic. Where the fuck is that bastard? I want some answers. I want Kerri back in here with me. I want her to be safe…I have to protect her. Fuck, how could I let him just take her away like that? It’s my responsibility to make sure she’s okay. Now…I don’t even know if she’s alive or not. I let out a pathetic sounding sob, and then…I lose it, my cries getting more pathetic by the minute. I don’t want to be hysterical, I know it’s only going to work against me, but I don’t know what else to do. This whole thing has gotten out of hand. Maybe…Shane has been after something else this entire time. The money…it’s just a bonus.

I was the real prize.

I hear the lock being turned, but I don’t stop crying. I barely move. I don’t care right now. I don’t care if it’s Shane…I don’t care if it’s his fuckin’ friend. They can kill me for all I care. I’m halfway to dead as it is. A gunshot would be a bonus right now. It would take all of my physical and mental strain away. I wouldn’t have to sit here and think about…what I did with Shane anymore. I would just go…go with God. But really…I don’t even know if I want to go with God. He hasn’t shown me mercy at all. He…let this horrible thing happen to Kerri and me. Why? I’ve always been a faithful Christian. I go to church when my life allows me time to, and I try to pray at least once everyday. But where is the lord when I need him huh? Why can’t He show me a little grace? Maybe there is no God…

Maybe all those crazy anarchists are right.

I hear the door slowly squeak open, and I glance up. It’s the prick. I don’t care. Kill me. Go ahead. I’m more than ready. He slowly walks down the stairs, his gun in one hand, and a burlap sack in another. Maybe he’s going to shoot me and put me inside of it, and drag my dead body up the stairs. I wouldn’t be surprised. He’s not strong enough to carry me…

He’s not strong enough to fight me either…

Oh my god. What if this is my chance?

“You awake?” His tone is cold, and serious.

I look at him and nod. Then I say, “Where’s Kerri?”

“Never mind,” he tells me. “Just shut up and take what’s coming to you.”

What’s coming to me? “You’re going to kill me,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “No. We’re takin a ride.” He approaches me and crouches down beside me. “You’re momma was good…she followed the rules. We got what we wanted out of her.”

They got the money. My god, they saw momma? I don’t want to think about it…but I can’t help it. She must have had to meet them somewhere…she must have been so scared. And when…they met her, and I wasn’t there…she must have been enraged. But I know they probably pointed a gun at her and took the money, and she couldn’t do anything to stop them…

They pointed a gun at my mother.

I feel myself grown angrier than I’ve been the past few days. My mother…nobody fucks with my mother.

“You have the money,” I croak. I clench my fists and grit my teeth. I’m waiting…waiting for my chance…

“Yea,” he grunts. Then he turns away from me and begins to reach inside the sack.

His gun is resting on the floor beside him. He’s not even paying attention. I can’t believe my luck. I’m in a room…an unlocked room, with the weaker of my two assailants…and there’s a gun within my reach. It seems almost too good to be true…but only an idiot would let an opportunity like this pass him by. I know I said I‘m ready to die. It’s the truth. But it’s not like death is what I truly want. I don’t want to die…I want to go home to my family. I want to get out of this house and get Kerri out of whatever predicament she’s in. He’s not expecting me to make a move. He thinks I’m weak…he probably knows what Shane did.

But I’m not going to let him get his way with me. Shane already did it…and I’m not letting it happen again. I inch forward, trembling the entire time. His back is still turned, and I reach out for the gun. My heart skips a beat when my hand makes contact with the cold steel of the handle. I pick it up. I have a gun…

I have control.

The prick turns back around, just seconds after I’ve taken the gun in my hand It’s so weird…if I’d hesitated even a moment longer, I’d probably be handcuffed and halfway to god knows where by now. His eyes widen when he sees what he’s let me do. “Put it down,” he orders.

Like I’m going to listen. I’m not that weak. I point the gun at him. “Fuck you,” I manage, with a weak voice.

“I’ll fuckin…” he stands up and runs a hand down the back of his neck. He’s nervous…he doesn’t know what to do. He’s probably thinking ‘fuck, what did I just do?’. The thought makes me want to smile, but I find that I can’t smile. My mind won’t allow me to. That part of me…the happy part…it’s gone. All that’s left is this stone cold, emotional mess. But I’m going to stay in control. I’ll be damned if he gets this gun away from me. He’ll have to kill me before I‘ll allow it.

“I’ll fuckin go and shoot your girlfriend,” he threatens.

“How?” I say. Somehow I manage to stand up, not without almost losing my balance on the way. “You don’t have a fuckin’ gun. I have a gun.” I step towards him and press the gun firmly into the middle of his forehead. “How does it feel to not be in control anymore, you motherfucker?”

“Shane!” he yells.

I punch him in the face, and my blow knocks him to the ground. Then I stand over him, and point the gun in his face. “This is what I’ve had to deal with for three days,” I say angrily. I kick him in the stomach, and he groans like the little pussy that he is. “How does it fuckin feel!” I cock the gun and aim it at him. I’ve never handled a gun before, but I do know…my emotions are so out of whack I won’t have a problem shooting him right now.

“Dude please,” he pleads. He’s trembling. He doesn’t want to die. “Please don’t shoot me…I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Funny…that’s what I said when you hijacked my car,” I nod. “But you took us anyway…and then…you locked us in here.” I kick him again, harder this time to get my point across. “Maybe that’s what I should do…lock you in some fuckin’ basement without a fuckin bathroom…without food and water. Then maybe you’ll understand.”

“I…I brought you water,” he supplies.

He’s fucking ridiculous. I stare down at him, and suck in a breath. I never realized how much the prick looks like Shane. They have the same deep set eyes, and slightly pointed noses. I close my eyes and open them again. The prick is gone…and now Shane is cowering before me. Good. Now you know what it feels like to be seconds away from death. Now you know what it feels like to be helpless and scared. Did I just say that? I have no idea.

“Please,” he whimpers.

“Shut the fuck up Shane!” I yell. “Do you even know how I feel right now? Do you even know…,” I pause, and let sob escape me. “Do you even know how much you fucked me up? You deserve what’s comin to you!” I’m done with him. I’m done talking to him, and I’m done hearing his excuses. I’m going to kill him. He deserves it after what he did to me…to us. I point…aim…and…

Shoot.

There is a ragged scream, which causes me to focus more closely on my victim. It’s not Shane. “Shit.” I drop the gun. It’s the prick, and now…he’s dead. I shot him in the head and there is blood everywhere. On the walls, on my shirt…on my jeans…on my skin. I whimper. I…I would never have done that if…if I knew. Oh my god…

I slide down the wall, and pick the gun up again. He…he was so young. Young and stupid, and probably didn’t know what he’d gotten himself into. Granted, he was scum…granted, he hit Kerri and threatened both of our lives. But still…he never went through with his threats, and…I’m pretty sure he didn’t lay another hand on Kerri after the incident in the car. I shouldn’t have killed him. I should have left him for the police to deal with. But…I wasn’t trying to kill him. I was trying to kill Shane…

Shane.

He’s still out there somewhere, and Kerri…she must be with him.

There isn’t any time to sit here and dwell on what I did, or what I should have done. Kerri…I know she’s in a lot of trouble. And I…I have the chance to save her before something really bad happens to her. With a grunt and a groan, I somehow manage to get up from the floor. I stagger over to the staircase, feeling strange that I’m leaving the room without a gun to my head. Before I start up them, I glance over my shoulder and get one last look at the prick. I realize I never knew his name, or how he even got into this whole mess with Kerri and me. “I’m sorry,” I hear myself say. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

**********

It’s so weird, walking down this hallway by myself. I’m just noticing now…this house is barely a house. Some of the rooms don’t even have walls, and I wonder how a place in such poor condition is still standing. The foundation must be strong. Daddy says there is nothing more important on a house than a strong foundation. But I shouldn’t be thinking about the damn house. I have to get out of here…

I feel like one of those detectives on NYPD Blue or something. I’m like, slinking along the walls, holding the gun like they do when they are about to surprise the bad guy on the other side of some wall. I wonder if this is really the right way to hold a gun? I mean…I guess it is. Why would they hold it wrong on tv for? That’s a pretty realistic show. God…why am I thinking about this stuff? I must be losing my mind.

The door…I see it now. It’s straight ahead, and there is nothing to prevent me from going outside. Shane…he probably thinks that the prick took care of me. He has no idea though…no idea that I’m the one who got the best of him. I reach the door, and push it open. It creaks open loudly, and I gasp, expecting Shane to come up from behind me with a gun. I whirl around…but there isn’t anybody there. It’s just the empty, dark house. I let out a little sigh and continue on.

I don’t even know where to look. For all I know, Shane could have gotten the money, killed Kerri and taken off without the prick. I wouldn’t put it past him. But then…the prick seemed to mean something to Shane. I saw it the night they took us away in the Oldsmobile. The prick apologized, and Shane seemed to forgive him…like a father would forgive a son. But I know the prick couldn’t have been Shane’s son. They were too close in age. Maybe brothers…that’s a possibility, since the prick looked so much like Shane. Or…lovers…

I cringe again.

There’s some kind of hacking sound in the distance. I stop walking and listen, trying to figure out where it’s coming from. It sounds like it’s coming from the back of the house. I’m scared, because I know that Shane is probably back there. What if I go back there, and he’s hacking Kerri to death or something? I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ll be so overcome with grief I won’t be able to focus. Then he’ll kill me too. But…if Kerri’s dead…I don’t think I want to get out of this. Her death will have been my fault, and I can’t have that on my head…

My god…what am I standing around for?

I slowly make my way around to the back of the house, not hesitating to check over my shoulder every few seconds. I can’t be too careful. Then I reach the backyard, and then…then I see Kerri. She’s on the ground, all tied up. She’s still alive, but she’s terrified. I can tell. She’s shaking…so bad. Like the time when we were eight and she had that panic attack in my basement. I’d never seen her like that, and it scared the hell out of me. It’s scaring the hell out of me now too. I almost call out to her, but then I come to my senses. If she’s out here like this…Shane can’t be too far away. I look around, trying to find out where he is.

Then I hear it…that hacking sound again. It’s coming from the left, and I step out a little further. What I see makes my skin crawl and my emotions flare. He’s digging a ditch. He’s standing there, digging a ditch like it doesn’t even matter. He’s going to shoot Kerri, and toss her in there…like she’s nothing. Well…that’s his plan anyway. But his plan has just been fucked.

I look back to Kerri, and after a moment, her eyes open. Then she stops shaking. She’s seen me. I try to smile, and I think I manage a small smirk. Then I press a finger to my lips, warning her not to make any noise. She nods a little. She knows her part. This is killing me. All I want to do is run to her and get those damn restraints off of her. I want to hug her and hold her…and just cry. I need her right now…even if she has no idea what’s happened to me. I still need that…that warmth she’s always been able to provide for me. But it’s going to have to wait…yes. I have to get Shane out of the way.

I slowly creep up behind the bastard, and he doesn’t even notice I’m there, until I press the gun to the back of his head. “Don’t….don’t fuckin’ move,” I say to him.

He drops the shovel, and straightens himself. Then he turns to me, and…he smiles. I whimper a little, but don’t allow myself to lose my composure. I press the gun to his forehead, and squeeze the trigger a little.

“My,” Shane snickers. “Don’t you look sexy with that gun in your hand.”

“Shut up!” I push him to the ground angrily, and place my foot on top of his chest. He’s still staring at me though…with those dark, menacing eyes. And he’s smiling too. He’s loving this, and all it’s doing is making me angrier. I don’t want him to enjoy this. I want him to be scared…I want him to be confused and helpless like he made me. I strike him across the face with the gun. Then I kick him in the stomach. I wish I had steel toe boots. I want him to feel what he put me through.

He coughs a little, and clutches his stomach. “Tough huh?” he manages. “You tough now, Justin?”

I feel the tears rolling down my face. I can’t hide them anymore. It’s a release. My mind needs it. I’m ready to kill him this time…for real. I raise the gun…I aim…

“You know, I didn’t keep my promise,” he says to me, as if nothing at all is happening. “I…I went and told her about us. I thought you would understand, because I know you love me now. And it’s okay…”

I kick him in the stomach again before he can finish. “You didn’t tell her anything!” I yell. “You didn’t!”

He coughs again and take a few raspy gulps of air. Now…he’s laughing again. The gun feels warm in my hand…nice, almost seductive, almost willing me to pull the trigger. “It was our secret!” I scream. “You promised Shane!”

“What does it matter if I told her or not?” he asks me. “I was going to kill her…we could have been together. Don’t you see?”

I shudder. I think about what would have happened if his plan had worked. Kerri would have been killed, and then…they would have taken me somewhere. Then Shane would have locked me away, and raped me whenever he felt the urge. In the end, I would have gotten a gun, oh yes…but I would have used it on myself. I look up at the sky. Maybe…maybe the lord has been here with me all along.

“We can still be together,” he continues. “We can get rid of her, and leave this place together.”

“I’m not…I’m not gay,” I stutter.

“Oh come on,” he says. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy what you got. I saw you…I saw the look in your eyes and the smile on your face. I felt your hard on. I know you wanted me, and you can’t say anything that’s going to make me believe otherwise.”

I grimace. He’s wrong. I…I wasn’t smiling. He’s wrong. “You’re sick,” I tell him. “You don’t deserve to live.”

He shrugs. “Maybe not. But, you’re too much of a pussy to do anything about it.”

I crack him across the skull with the gun but. But I don’t realize how hard I actually hit him until I see the blood gushing from the side of his head, and down his neck. Is he dead? I can’t be sure. I crouch down beside him. His eyes are closed, and he isn’t moving. I…almost check for his pulse, but draw my hand away. I…I can’t touch him.

Then I hear Kerri. She’s moaning, and crying. I tuck the gun into my pants and run over to her. I’m not concerned about Shane. He won’t be coming out of that for awhile…if he’s even still alive to begin with. “Ker,” I say. I peel the tape off of her mouth, and she begins to cough. She looks horrible. Her face is full of sweat and dirt, and her skin is so pale. I can’t imagine where the bastard has been keeping her for all this time. Wherever it was…it couldn’t have been very pleasant.

“Oh my god,” she whimpers, after a moment. “Justin…”

“Shh,” I say, caressing her face with my hand. “It’s okay…you’re okay.” I try to get her hands undone first, but then I realize she’s been handcuffed. “Fuck,” I mutter. Who knows where the keys are? I move down to her legs, and pull the tape from her ankles and thighs.

She sits up and leans into me. “I didn’t think I would ever see you again,” she whispers. “Justin…” she looks up at me. Her deep blue eyes haven’t lost that beautiful intensity I‘ve always loved, despite everything that we’ve been through. “Justin I love you okay?,” she sobs. “All that stuff I said before…I didn’t mean any of it.”

I bite my bottom lip, and nod a little bit. “I know,” I say. It’s not the best response, but I don’t know what to say to her right now…my mind is so jumbled. “Come on,” I say. “Let’s try to fix you.” I help her to her feet, and we start to walk forward But then…

BANG.

I push Kerri down to the ground and wrap myself around her protectively. Shane…I underestimated him. He’s obviously had a gun this whole time. Why couldn’t I have checked? God dammit…is this ever going to end? I sit up and turn back toward him. I quickly pull my gun out again, and point it at him. Shane isn’t standing up…I don’t think he can. He’s sitting against a dirt pile, pointing his gun at us. “Don’t make me kill you!” I yell.

He doesn’t answer. He just smiles, and raises the gun again. Kerri screams. Then there is a shot…and I’m in such a daze I can’t tell whether I’m the one who pulled the trigger or not. All I know is that there is blood…again.

***************

I can’t open my eyes. If I do, I’m so afraid that I’m going to see Justin laying beside me…shot to death. After everything we’ve been through this weekend, I just don’t think I could handle it. I don’t…want him to die now. He got out…he got away. God dammit, he doesn’t deserve this now. He deserves to go home and be with his family again…just like I do. But, I know I can’t just lie here with my eyes closed forever. If Justin is dead, it means that Shane is still alive. I have to be ready to run, even if I’m still handcuffed. Taking the deepest breath of my lifetime, I open my eyes. Justin is still half on top of me, his arms surrounding me in a protective embrace. There is blood on his shirt…on his face…it‘s on me too. His eyes are closed, and he’s not moving. I don’t know what to think. Did Shane shoot him? Is Justin dead?

“Justin?” I say. “Justin please wake up…please.”

Then his eyes, they open…just a little.

Thank you God.

I manage to push myself upright, and Justin releases me from his embrace. I look in the direction that Shane was digging before. Then I see him. He’s lying against the dirtpile like he was before…with a gunshot wound in his chest. He’s not moving, and I know that he’s dead. I wince. I’ve never seen a dead body before…and it’s starting to freak me out. Shane, he doesn’t look evil anymore. Now, lying there with his eyes closed…he looks at peace with himself…he looks like a normal person…

I hope he goes straight to hell.

“Justin,” I manage to say after a moment. He doesn’t look at me though. He‘s sitting a few feet from me, his legs tucked underneath him. His head is buried in his hands and he‘s crying…he‘s crying so hard.. I’ve yet to see him so torn during our experience together. But now…I guess it’s coming out. He killed Shane, and since I don’t see Nate anywhere I’m guessing that Justin did away with him too. It’s gotta be fucking him up, because as far as I know, Justin has never handled a gun before today. But he shouldn’t feel bad about this. Those men were evil, and deserved what they got. I mean, who knows how many people they hurt…or even killed, before they did this to us? “Justin, please look at me,” I say.

He whimpers a little more, before picking up his head to look at me. “Kerri,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean to kill anybody.” He brings his knees out from under him and tucks them under his chin. “I…I really didn’t.”

He’s rocking himself back and forth now, and he’s got this faraway gaze in his eyes. He’s messed up. Messed up even more than I am. He doesn’t seem to care where we are, or that Shane’s dead body is lying just several feet away. He’s in his own world right now. What happened to him? I know Justin isn’t weak. Granted, this thing has taken a toll on his sanity and shit…but he’s stronger than that. Something…something happened to him. Something so horrible, it’s killing him more and more with each passing second. I know he needs me to go over there and wrap my arms around him, and this time…I really want to do it for him. But these fuckin’ handcuffs….dammit, why is there always something stopping me!

It was our secret! You promised Shane! I hear Justin’s panicked voice in the back of my mind. I don’t really know what to think about that…what Justin said. What secret? What happened? What did Shane do to him? I can’t even imagine, I don’t want to. It will probably make me sick to my stomach. I’ve had enough of that for one weekend. “Justin,” I speak up again. “Justin…will you help me up?”

He looks over at me, and his eyes widen. It’s almost like he forgot everything for a moment… Where we are…what we’ve been through…what just happened a few moments ago. He jumps to his feet. “Damn, I’m so sorry…” He rushes to my side. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Kerri.”

I let him help me to my feet, and then I turn to look at him. His complextion is frightening…the bruises and scratches on his face have made him look like something out of a horror film. I’ve never seen him look so…bad before. Justin has always taken great pride in his appearance. I guess he’s always had to..being in show business and all. His clothes…his hair…his teeth…his body…he’s always been incredibly focused on keeping them in the best condition they could ever be. I used to envy him at times, because he would look better than me when we would go somewhere. I would tell him I wasn’t good enough to hang around with him too…and he would frown and tell me not to talk like that. Then he would kiss me on the forehead and tell me I was beautiful, and that I was lucky I could look like a girl my age should…that I didn’t have to constantly judge myself.

It didn’t take me long after that to realize how insecure Justin was with himself. I would see it more and more…how he would stop and look at himself in the mirror for a good ten minutes…how he would sometimes frown and run into the bathroom for another twenty. I used to tell Trace about it, but he would act like it was nothing. I guess…he couldn’t really understand why it would worry me. But Trace is a guy…he doesn’t notice the same things I do. Trace would just say it was ‘the professional in him acting out’. But I always knew that wasn’t the case. There was something really wrong…in his head. Like…he wasn’t good enough for himself, or for anybody else. It’s been three years, and I don’t know if that insecure part of him has gotten any better. But I do know one thing…after this…it’s only going to get worse.

“Are you okay?,” I whisper. I know the answer already, but I want to see if he’ll tell me something…anything. I’m so worried about him right now, and I’m not sure if he’s going to be strong enough to move forward and get back to civilization. I know he wants to get home as badly as I do…but I can already tell…getting help isn’t going to be easy. We’re in the middle of nowhere, and I highly doubt there is a telephone back at the house.

“I…” He looks deep into my eyes. He doesn’t have to say anything. I know he’s not okay. He’s a mess…a horrible emotional mess. “I…I don‘t think so, Kerri.”

My bottom lip quivers, and I bite down on it to make it stop. I realize I can’t cry right now…I can’t cry for awhile. I know if I lose it, Justin will lose it too, and if we both lose it…we’ll never make it out of here alive. One of us has to be strong, and for the first time since this whole thing started…it looks like that person is going to be me. “Is…is Nathan still alive?” I ask him.

He looks at me strangely. “Who?”

He never found out his name…that’s so weird, because he knew Shane’s. “The other one.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t look at me, and shakes his head. “No. I…he…came downstairs. He said they had the money and that they were gonna take me for a ride. And then…he…he wasn’t looking so I grabbed his gun. And then…I…I…I just…” He whimpers, and closes his eyes. “God, Kerri…I didn‘t know what else to do.”

“Justin,” I say, not understanding how I’m keeping my emotions under control right now. “Justin, it wasn’t your fault. If…you didn’t…do what you did, I would be dead right now. You…saved my life.”

He nods a little. I’m tempted to dig deeper into the subject, but really, why should I do it now? Shane is dead, and so is Nathan. The only thing we should be thinking about right now is getting out of here…getting help. There will be plenty of time to talk later on. Right…after, when we’re both safe, and rested…that’s when I’ll try to talk to him about it. About everything.

He looks back at Shane’s lifeless body. “I can’t believe it,” he whispers. “I…I never thought I’d be the one to get him. I thought he was going to be the one to win…”

“Well he didn’t win,” I say roughly, trying to get my point across. “We beat him at his own sick game. We beat them Justin…we’re alive.” I try to force a positive smile, but I fail when he looks back at me again, and I see the expression on his face. It’s a sad one…a defeated one. It’s like he doesn’t feel he’s won the battle at all.

I’m so confused.

“Yeah,” he says, unconfidently. “I guess we are alive.”

I don’t say anything else to him. I let him lead me forward, and we start back towards the house. I feel slightly renewed, like I’ve beaten a difficult level in a video game. We’re moving on now…moving onto a new level…a new part of our lives…

And neither of us knows what to expect.