The next week had gone by in such a blur. JC had kept taking his phone calls, and Alexia had been busying herself with spa visits, Christmas shopping, and last minute decorating. The least she could do was make it feel like Christmas, even with the mounting tension between her and JC.

“Uh yeah, that would be great if you could book them for that actually. I’ll be back after Christmas. Alright thanks man… ‘Bye!”

As Alexia had just put the finishing touches on the Christmas tree, she’d heard JC walk through the front door, phone pressed to his ear, obviously on a conference call. He had a styrofoam container of food in hand, which irritated her, since she had just made dinner.

“Hey Honey,” he greeted her, kissing her on the cheek. “Wow, the tree looks incredible!”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah, it looks great,” he assured her. “Everything looks great,” he said, taking note of the Christmas lights that she had strung around the windows, the wreath that hung around the door, and cinnamon apple candles that she had lit.

“Thanks, I just really want it to feel like Christmas,” Alexia replied. “Listen Josh, I think we should talk,” she said, walking over to the couch, and taking a seat.

“Yeah, I think we should too,” JC said, joining her.

“I don’t like the way that things have been going between us.”

“Neither do I.”

“I mean, I feel like our purpose for being up here is sort of being defeated in a way, and I feel like nothing’s being solved.”

“And I can’t agree with you more, Allie. All of this fighting has got to stop.”

“Baby, I am so glad we are on the same page,” Alexia said, breathing a major sigh of relief. So far, things were going good. They were definitely on the road to recovery. “And actually, I wanted you to know that when we get back home, I’m taking a leave of absence from work.” Being that Alexia owned her own PR firm, she could afford a little time off, and leave her business in the hands of her very trusted vice president.

“Really?” JC asked, surprised at such a revelation.

“Yes. I’ve come to the conclusion, that nothing’s worth losing you. I love my job, but work will always be there. I just want to take the time needed to work on what we have.”

“Wow Lexie, that’s… that’s really great.”

“And, I know that I’m asking a lot, but I was hoping that maybe you could scale your studio time back a little. I know how much it means to you and how important it is to you, but maybe if you could just work maybe a little less, then-“

“Alexia, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, really I do, but-“

“But what?”

“With everything going the way that it’s going right now with the girl’s, I just don’t know if I can take time off. They’re really gaining momentum, and I can’t slow down now.”

“Well can’t Autumn take over? Or Jimmy?”

“Allie I started this group, I can’t just leave these girls hanging.”

“I’m not asking you to do that, all I’m asking is for you to put a little more focus into our relationship! I don’t understand why with you it’s either your work life or your love life. Why can’t you just find some sort of balance? That’s all I’m asking! I mean, I’m finding a way to build my life around you, because you’re that important to me. I’m turning down clients for you. Important clients!” Alexia yelled.

“Well I never asked you too!” JC snapped.

“God JC, it’s not about that!” She said incredulously. It’s like she just couldn’t make him understand no matter how hard she tried. “I’m tired, okay. I’m so damn tired of fighting with you. I feel like, I’m making all of these sacrifices for you, and you’re making absolutely none!” By now Alexia and JC were standing face to face.

“That’s not fair!” JC replied.

“Oh, I’d say that’s pretty accurate,” Alexia snorted. “Do you want me to just give up, Josh? Is that what you really want? Huh?” She asked, wiping her tears. “Because to tell you the truth, I’m just about there. You’re wearing me thin,” she said before disappearing up the stairs.

Being holed up in the bedroom alone was like déjà vu. She had been in this same scenario so many times before and she was so sick of it. Trying to get through to JC was like beating a dead horse; it was useless. If things kept carrying on like this, then she’d do what it was she swore she’d never do; leave. She couldn’t keep stressing herself out like this. It wasn’t worth it. She’d rather be single and happy than in a relationship and completely miserable like she was right now.

After the thought had sat with her for some time, it seemed a little less scary. Maybe she’d be better off by herself. She’d make a great mom, she was sure of that. So many women raised children by themselves. Hell, her mom did it, so why couldn’t she? She’d manage. And then the thought of her raising her child without JC started to sink in. No, she couldn’t do that. Well, she could, but it didn’t mean that she wanted too. More than anything, she wanted for them to be a family. But then again, if seven months from now, he was gone just as much as he is right now, then she’d be practically raising their baby alone anyway. God, why was this so hard?

Reflecting back on their relationship, sure they’d had some great moments. Some amazing moments, in fact, but JC has always been so career ambitious. That’s what she loved about him, but she didn’t know that that very thing would come in between them. Maybe she was stupid to think that he would ever put her over his career. In fact, she remembered an article she ran across twelve years ago, a few months prior to them actually meeting, where he stated that any girl in his life would have to understand the business he was in, and that she would come second to the group. And when they started dating, and he was one of the biggest stars in the world at the time, she completely understood that. She didn’t even see them lasting that long. Until he kept finding a way to see her somehow. He’d go out of his way to keep in touch with her. She smiled at the thought.

She wasn’t even interested in anything serious, or long term, but he sort of made her fall for him. He was so charming. He went out of his way to impress her, and that’s what she missed about him; that he actually tried. Now it’s like he didn’t even care. She remembered how he used to send her flowers and candy; something he thought was the cheesiest thing in the world, but did it just for her, because he knew she loved it, and he would do anything to put a smile on her face. She loved how he used to sing to her, with that beautiful voice of his, something that he’d never done for any girl, but he’d done it for her.

JC was the type of person that if you asked him where he saw himself in ten years, he’d say, “Ten years older”. He never really planned for the future like most people did. When most people wanted the spouse, the two children, and the white picket fence, JC just wanted to continue to make music. When it came to his love life he was a go with the flow kind of guy. So that’s why when he fell for Alexia, and boy did he fall hard, everyone was saying how Alexia would be the one to change him. She didn’t expect it, though. He was a free spirit, a roamer. Then one year turned into two, and two turned into five, and five into ten. That’s why it surprised her when after eleven years of dating, he got down on one knee last Valentine’s Day and proposed.

He was George Clooney, the eternal bachelor. Never had Alexia thought he’d be the one asking to marry her. Truthfully, she’d decided to accept the fact that she may never get married, if it meant being with him, so him proposing meant the world.

And now here they were; in this weird, strained place. Never had things been so bad between them. Granted, in the last twelve years they’ve had problems before, but they were always able to work them out. So why couldn’t they get through this? That was the question that had been lingering through her mind for the longest, and she couldn’t seem to find the answer. She just need some time to think things through before coming to a definite decision about what she was going to do. She needed just a little space. She needed to get out.

As JC sat on the couch, drinking a beer, he was deep in thought. He was an ass and he knew it. Alexia was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him, and he was just letting everything that they had worked so hard for just slip away. Their relationship was hanging on by a thread, and he knew that if he made just one wrong move, it would all be over. She would be gone. He couldn’t believe that she had stayed as long as she had with the way he had been treating her lately. She was a good woman. A great woman, and she was so good to him. So why was he pushing her away?

Never in his life had he thought that he’d ever have a relationship like the one he’d had with Alexia. Twelve years, and she’d been with him through everything. Through the best times, and even the worst. She had been the shoulder he leaned on after he had gotten dropped by Jive, and his second album had failed to be released. Throughout it all she believed in him. It had been a tough time, and she had stuck it out with him. She’d always been in his corner, no matter what. Alexia was his world, and the last thing he meant to do was let his own insecurities get in the way.

Now that things were changing between them, JC found himself growing distant. Alexia and JC were going to be married. She was going to be his wife, and quite frankly, that thought alone kind of scared the shit out of him. He’d never thought that he’d become a family man. Someone’s husband. He’d be committed to someone, permanently for the rest of his life. He tried to convince himself that nothing would change between them at all, when that was far from true. Alexia was pregnant, he could tell, all of the signs were there. He figured that she was just waiting for the opportune time to tell him, but he seemed to keep ruining the moment.

A baby. That was a major change. If marriage was scary, than a child was absolutely terrifying. Maybe not the actual child, but the responsibility. Logically, he knew he was responsible and financially stable enough to care for a child, but subconsciously, he was afraid of turning into his father; his biological father, who had skipped out on his birth mother when she was still pregnant with him. Although he liked to pretend that being adopted had no effect on him, it’s something he’d carried with him for the past thirty-plus years. He loved Karen and Roy more than anything, but his adoption has always haunted him. It’s not that he didn’t want to be a husband or a father, he was just afraid of messing up. The truth was, he was his father’s child, and he didn’t want to repeat those same mistakes. He didn’t want to be that guy who ran out on his family. He didn’t want Alexia to hate him, and he didn’t want his child to grow up resenting him, like he did his father.

He needed to get his shit together, and he needed to do so fast, before things imploded.

“Where are you going?” He asked, when he noticed Alexia bounding down the stairs, clad in a gray sweater dress, leggings, and boots.

“Out,” Alexia replied coldly, stopping at the closet to pull out her coat and purse.

“Where?”  JC tried again.

“The local playhouse is putting on Miracle on 34th Street,” she huffed. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

“Um, I don’t think so.”

“Excuse me?” Alexia scoffed.

JC said nothing else as she turned back around on the heels of her boots to leave. The minute Alexia opened the door; she was hit in the face by the cold winter winds as the Pennsylvania snow poured down profusely.

“We’re in the middle of a snow storm, you’re not going anywhere.”

“Ugh, this cannot be happening to me,” Alexia sighed, slamming the door shut.

“Looks like we’ll be confined within the walls of this cabin for the next few days,” JC said. “Good thing we stocked up.”

“Yeah good thing,” Alexia snorted, rolling her eyes.

“Come sit next to me,” JC said, patting the spot next to him.

After placing her things back in the closet, Alexia joined JC on the couch. “We should talk,” he said.

“Haven’t we tried that?” She replied. “Over and over again.”

“I mean just talk, about whatever. Like we used to. If we ever want to move past whatever this is, then we need to be comfortable around each other again. Relieve some of this tension.”

Okay, so he is right. Alexia thought. At least he is trying. “Okay.”

“So…” JC started. He was at lost for words. He had absolutely no idea what was going on in her life right now.

“So, who’s playing?” Alexia asked, turning her attention to the plasma up on the wall, where a basketball game was taking place.

“Uh, Syracuse and High Point,” JC replied.

Syracuse is in New York. “So is Carmelo Anthony playing?” Alexia asked, making the connection.

JC through his head back and chuckled heartily. “Oh Honey, you were never well versed in sports!”

“Yeah, I guess not,” she giggled, feeling relieved of some of the tension between them. “Hey, well at least I tried.”

“It’s snowing pretty hard out,” JC said, changing the subject.

“Yeah,” Alexia replied, turning to look out the window. “That’s something we wouldn’t get in LA.”

“We’ve been fighting so much, we haven’t even been able to enjoy this trip much.”

“I know,” Alexia sighed. The intended purpose of their vacation had been completely lost. They would’ve been much better off in Orlando with his parents.

“And I know that I haven’t been making any of this easy for you, Alexia.”

“Josh…” She didn’t know what to say. Where was this coming from all of a sudden?

“I haven’t been the easiest guy to get along with lately, and I’m sorry.”

“Wow, Josh. That really means a lot.” Alexia didn’t really know how to take all of this. One moment they were at each other’s throats, and now he’s apologizing, finally admitting to his faults. Was it for real this time? Because she didn’t like this on and off thing, where things were good between them one minute and then heated the next. She didn’t like the feeling of them being up in the air. “Things are really changing between us,” she said, tensing back up.

“Yes, I know that,” he said, taking her by the hand.

“I need to ask you something Josh,” Alexia said, turning to him, and looking him in the eye.

“Okay, what is it?” He asked, searching her eyes upon hearing the rising panic and unease in her voice.

“Did I pressure you into proposing?”

“Wait, what?” JC asked incredulously.

“I need to know Josh.”

“No, no Allie, that’s crazy,” JC replied quickly, caught completely off guard by her question.

“We were together for eleven years before you asked me to marry you! You were always that guy that wanted to stay single, and I was always that girl that wanted a family. I can’t help but to think that the only reason why you proposed was so that you could keep me around,” Alexia cried. “I feel like I’m pushing all of this onto you, and that’s why you’ve been pulling away from me.”

“Allie, that is not true,” JC said wiping her tears away. He couldn’t believe that she had thought that. “I proposed to you because I wanted to. I want you to be my wife, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then what the hell is going on with you right now, Josh?” She needed so desperately to know.  

JC thought of the perfect way to articulate his feelings into words, but he couldn’t, so he just let it out. “I’m scared. I’m afraid of things changing.”

“Okay,” Alexia sighed, taking everything in. She could deal with that. It wasn’t anything they couldn’t work through. She was just glad that they were getting to the root of the problem.

“I’m afraid of not being a good husband to you. So far I’m being a pretty pathetic fiancé. I’m afraid of being a terrible father.”

It was as if time had completely frozen for Alexia right in that moment. “D-did you just say father?” She asked, stuttering.

“I know about the baby, Alexia.”

She didn’t know how he knew, but he knew. This was not going according to plan at all, and certainly not how she wanted to break the news to him.

“And I don’t want you to think that I’m not ecstatic, because I am, but at the same time, this scares me more than anything, because I’m afraid of turning into my father,” JC said honestly.

Hearing those words, everything started to make perfect sense, and Alexia knew exactly who he was talking about. “Josh no, you could never be like him,” she said, taking his hands into hers and looking into his eyes. “You are amazing, and you are so good to me. I couldn’t possibly ask for a better man. I have no doubt in my mind that you’ll be a wonderful father.” She knew how sensitive of a subject this was for JC, and how vulnerable he must be feeling right now. His heart was raw, and he was completely exposed right now.

“You don’t have to say that, Lex,” JC replied, a tear lightly making its way down his cheek.

“I’m not just saying that,” Alexia sniffed, crying too. “We may be going through a tough time right now, but it’s nothing we can’t get through. We’ve been through worse. Everything will be okay, I promise,” she said, gently stroking his cheek.

“Alexia, I know I’ve been screwing up a lot lately, and believe me I am so sorry,” JC said, taking her hands, and kissing the backs of them. “But I will do whatever it takes to make this up to you, because you are my whole entire world.”

This was everything that she had hoped for. They had finally made that breakthrough that they had so desperately needed. Everything was becoming so clear now. “I love you so much Josh,” Alexia cried, this times, tears of joy.

“I love you too, Alexia,” JC replied, cupping her face in his hands, and kissing her on her forehead, and then softly on her lips.

They had finally made that breakthrough. They would be okay.