It was one week before Christmas. Justin had convinced Jc to go out and buy a small Christmas tree for his apartment. Jc grumbled but agreed. They spent a good hour goofing off and decorating it. Afterwards they laid on the couch in each other arms. Justin could still hear Jc grumbling.
"Why do you hate Christmas so much?"
"Nothing comes good from it. It's a pointless holiday that just brings heartbreak."
"What happened Josh?"
Jc blew out a deep breath and ran his hand softly through Justin's curls. He really didn't want to talk about it but he also knew that he owed Justin an explanation if they were trying to have a relationship.
"Christmas was great until the year when I was fifteen. My mom had been battling cancer for three years and she was loosing the battle. But finding her dead Christmas morning on the couch, in front of the Christmas tree was the worst Christmas of my life."
"Oh Josh. I'm so sorry."
"My dad fell apart. I was invisible from that moment on. I had to take care of both of us. We never celebrated Christmas, never talked about it. And he drank his way to his death four years later, the eve of Christmas. He told me he couldn't stand being in a world without her any longer."
Justin had no words. He just laid there in shock.
"Then when Jeramy hit me and left it was a few days to Christmas. I hate Christmas. I hate everything about it. It doesn't bring joy. The holiday is nothing."
Jc stood up quickly and walked into the bedroom. Justin took a minute to take a deep breath. Slowly he got to his feet and walked to the bedroom. They had only slept on the couch together. He hadn't been in his bedroom. Crawling slowly on the bed he wrapped his arm around Jc's chest.
"I hate Christmas."
"I can't imagine how you must feel Jc. I know sorry doesn't help. Or take the pain away. But god I am so sorry Josh."
"You're going to leave me too Justin and well..." He took a deep breath and tried swallowing the tears. "It's ok. I know I seem weak, but I'll make it. This is all just a dream. Happiness never last."
Justin tensed and tightened his grip on Jc's chest. He closed his eyes tight wishing that Jc wasn't right, but he couldn't stay. He had to go back to the city where there was work. He had bills that needed to be paid. But yet all he wanted to do was stay right here with him.
Justin kissed Jc's forehead, letting his lips linger. He watched Jc close his eyes and soon they were both asleep.
Justin woke up the next morning to his phone ringing. Groaning softly he rolled over and grabbed it off the nightstand. Jc woke up when he moved away.
"Hello?" Justin answered.
Jc watched Justin sit up at the edge of the bed. He talked quietly and ran his hand over his head. Jc swallowed thickly. Something inside him told him this was it. Whatever this phone call was, it was the end of him and Justin. Justin would be leaving.
A couple minutes later Justin hung up. He didn't want to turn around and face Jc.
"You're leaving," Jc whispered.
"I don't want to but I have to. There's a five day construction job. It ends Christmas Eve. I need the money."
Justin turned in time to see Jc wipe away a tear and nodded his head in understanding. He quickly laid back in bed and pulled Jc to him.
"Damnit Josh, please believe me when I say I don't want to leave you."
"I know Justin. I know."
"Do you?"
"I'm deciding to believe you. It's hard, but I'm believing you."
He looked up and met Justin's eyes.
"I fell in love with you, Jus."
"Josh," Justin said quietly. How was he suppose to leave.
"I'll make it easy for you to leave,"
Jc said getting up.
"Josh, no. Wait."
"Good bye Justin. Thank you for making me happy for a little while."
"Josh stop!" Justin exclaimed jumping out of the bed.
Jc turned around and looked Justin in the eye. "It's alright Justin, really it is."
Leaning forward he kissed Justin softly. "I love you."
"I love you too," Justin choked.
"You'll be alright. Go home Justin, it's where you belong," Jc whispered kissing his cheek.
With a sad smile he walked out of the room. Justin stood in the bedroom feeling so alone. Wiping the tears from his eyes he started getting his things together. There was nothing he could do, nothing he could change. Once he had everything he put his coat on and headed towards the front. Tiffany was sitting by the desk.
"Where's..."
"Just go Justin," she mumbled. Even she was trying to keep her composure.
"Thank you for everything Tiffany."
"It was a pleasure having you Justin."
Biting his lip he picked up his bag and headed for the door. He looked back at the inn wondering if he would ever be back. He heard the ax and looked towards the back. Jc never looked towards him. Swallowing thickly, Justin got in his car. With everything telling him not to leave, Justin started his car up and left. His heart hurt. It physically hurt. He held the tears in as long as possible as he went down the road, but it didn't last. For a long time, tears flowed endlessly down Justin's cheeks as he drove east back home to Memphis.
"Jc, come inside. You've been out here for a long time," Tiffany yelled from the doorway.
Jc stood up from the bench he had been sitting on and walked into the Inn. Tiffany helped him out of his coat. Jc shrugged away from her and went to his apartment.
"I'm so sorry Jc," she whispered.
Jc tore his jeans off and his work shirt and crawled into bed. Throwing the covers over his head, Jc cried himself to sleep.
Justin got home late the next night. His eyes burned. They were red and puffy and tired. Dragging his bag into his small house, he got his clothes ready for work the next morning then crawled into bed.
"I miss you already," he whispered in the dark.
He tossed and turned until he finally fell asleep.
The next five days were long for Justin. He worked from morning to late night so that this job could get done by Christmas. But every second of every day, Justin thought of Jc.
Story Tags: christmas
