It's been weird this weekend, not having Kerri in the house. Naturally I've been thinking about her. I've even been tempted to give Elisha a call and find out how they've been doing. But when Elisha called me Saturday to let me know they'd gotten to their destination safely, she didn't hesitate to tell me not to call her or Kerri for the rest of the weekend. I get it. I mean, we need our space…badly, and I know that eventually we'll both realize that separation is the best thing for the both of us. Of course it doesn't mean that I'm not worried sick about her, that I don't miss her. And it certainly doesn't mean that I'm not blaming myself for this entire thing either. If I hadn't been a dick at the tennis court she probably would have told me what's really been bothering her for all this time. Yeah, and if I hadn't practically had sex with her she'd probably still be at the condo too.
I'm a fucking idiot.
Melanie chews like a cow, and when she gets to last sip of her soda she slurps it up annoyingly. I hate that. I used to have a girlfriend that did that, and I think it's the main reason why I dumped her. Oh well that, and she snorted when she laughed. Anyway, I've been watching Melanie for a good half hour now, out of the corner of my eye, while Lynn has been rambling on about shit I couldn't care less about. Like, why the hell would I care about some new artist that Johnny signed? Yeah, its small talk but its not why I agreed to meet her here for lunch today. I came for answers. I came to make sure Justin wasn't being taken advantage of. But I wish she would have told me she was bringing a guest with her. I would have been a lot more prepared, and I wouldn't have been so damn embarrassed either.
Although, the look of pure shock on that bitches face when she realized who I was, kind of made this whole thing worth it.
I shouldn't be making assumptions. That's what Kerri would tell me if she knew what was going on right now. But this girl Melanie, I just don't know about her. I don't trust her. And I don't like the way she keeps looking at me either, like I'm some sort of a lesser being. I wish I could have a few minutes alone with her…just so I could put her in her place. Let her know that despite the fact that I haven't been around lately, I'm not going let her jump in and take advantage of Justin either. Fuck, I shouldn't even be putting my feelings out there like that though. I was done with Justin, right? Hell, who am I kidding? It's just like Kerri said, I do need his stupid ass. In fact, I was half hoping that Lynn would have brought Justin to lunch with her today. But I know why she didn't. He'd never go for it. And hell, he probably doesn't even know that she's having lunch with me right now.
But it's probably better that he doesn't.
Tarin and I went on our date last night. To be honest, I was nervous as hell. I don't know why. I'm usually pretty mellow when I take a girl out. I buy a rose, put on a nice pair of jeans and a polo and pick her up. I think it was because I wanted to make a good impression on Tarin, since things had kind of been shitty for awhile, especially because of Kerri's lies. I was ten minutes early, and by the smirk on her face I could tell she was impressed. We went to this cool sushi bar out on Sunset. Don't ask me why, I just distinctly remembered that she had a thing for sushi. Again, it was more points for Trace. I didn't do anything cheesy. like order for her, though. One, that's not the type of guy I am, and two, I knew Tarin would call me a dumb ass. We just ordered, she taught me how to use my chopsticks because I can never remember how to use them no matter how many times I go to places like that, and we both laughed when I spilled the soy sauce all over my white shirt.
After dinner we went to some movie that she pointed out to me when we walked into the theater. I cant even remember what it was about, but that's probably because I was too busy making out with the girl to notice what was going on. I know, I'm a dirty dirty boy. Yeah, we made out like two stupid high school kids in the last row of the movie theater, but I didn't care. She didn't care either. It was fun. More fun than I can say I've had in a hell of a long time. I love the spontaneity of that girl. She really could have told me to stop, and that we could go back to my place. But she just went with it.
I love a girl that can just go with the flow of things.
It was nice to have an entire evening without Kerri on the brain too. I was really proud. I figured Kerri was off doing her own thing…getting her head together, and so that meant it was time for Trace to focus on Trace. I was smiling all the way back to Tarin's apartment, and I didn't stop when I walked her to the door either.
"I had fun," she'd smiled. "I was impressed. You didn't stand me up."
I'd leaned her up against the door frame and leaned myself into her. "Any guy that would stand you up, has to be smoking something," I'd laughed.
"Is that your way of saying you had fun too?"
I'd grinned stupidly. "Yeah. I guess it is."
She'd given me a long kiss goodnight, promising to call me the next day so we could make plans for the following week. It felt good…holding her and touching her.
I really think we might have something. Yeah it's kind of early to make those kind of assumptions, but I really can't help it. I can just feel it…inside. She just might be special.
But I swear, there's no way I'm dragging her into the other side of my life. I mean, the Justin and Kerri side. I refuse to let that stuff ruin the chance of me and Tarin starting something. I'll just have to live a double life…or something…
Maybe Justin will just turn sane again, and maybe Kerri will just figure out what she needs on her own.
In a perfect world, maybe. In this world, never.
"Well, I'm going to run to the bathroom and order Justin some dinner," Lynn says, catching my attention as the word 'bathroom' hits my ears. "I'll be right back."
She leaves. I realize this is the opportunity I've been waiting for, but I don't really know what to say. The most I know about Melanie is what her first name is, and that she's been 'helping Justin'. Helping Justin with what? He doesn't need help, he just needs someone to give him a good kick in the ass. This is why I think Lynn can be so lame sometimes. She just hires people to do stupid shit for Justin, like clean his house and run his errands. That's not what he needs at all. When I was there I put him in his damn place. But…I just couldn't do that after the whole Shane thing came out. He said too many shitty things to me. And he treated Kerri like his personal sex toy.
Nobody has the right to treat people that way.
"Wrong street huh?"
I lean forward and study her for a moment. She's nice, quaint looking. I wonder how long it took for her to get Justin eating out of the palm of her hand. "I was going to give him a call until I saw a weird girl unloading groceries in the driveway."
"Weird girl?" She rolls her eyes. "So you just decided to play stalker instead, right?"
"Look, you don't know me." I glare at her. "I'm here for Justin. I need to find out what's going on."
"What gives you the right to butt in?," she says, pointing a accusing finger at me.
"I'm his best friend." I figure that response is my meal ticket. Now she'll understand everything and apologize for being such a bitch. She'll tell me she was sorry she made assumptions. I'll tell her to get a life. And that will be that.
But she doesn't seem to give a shit who I am, and I'm quickly brought back to reality. "Really?" She sits back in her chair and presses a finger to her lips. "Where the hell have you been then? The last I heard, his friends ditched him because they decided he was too much to handle."
I grit my teeth. Yeah, that's a great story. Too bad it's bullshit. "Nobody ditched Justin. He pushed us away. Don't believe everything he tells you, Melanie. He loves to get people to feel sorry for him. It's like a hobby of his. We call it the 'poor Justin game'," I say brightly. "And it looks like you're getting your getting your ass kicked, little girl."
She leans forward, and gives me the most intimidating look I think I've ever seen on any woman. I swallow hard, and sit back in my seat quickly.
"Don't you dare sit here, and try to pretend like you know what's been going on or how he's been acting," she says, harshly. "You're an asshole. And I'm glad that Justin has been able to separate himself from you."
I contemplate for a moment about how much she knows. I really wonder if Justin broke down and told her all about me, all about Kerri. I just…I don't think he'd do that. Justin's so private. I just can't see him talking to some stranger about his personal drama. Especially something as horrific as a kidnapping and…the other stuff. "So what do you know then?"
She gives me a stupid look. "Excuse me?"
"You said I'm an asshole, so that to me means that Justin told you a lot of things about me," I nod. "Half of which, I'm sure, is a bunch of whiney exaggerated bullshit."
"Why are you so angry at him?"
That wasn't the response I was looking for. She was just supposed to tell me what she knows, not question me about my feelings. "I didn't ask you to interrogate me," I grunt. "I asked you what you know."
"What does it matter?," she whispers. "You know everything about your situation, so it doesn't really matter what I know."
"Well he lies a lot." I sit back in the chair and fold my arms over my chest. "That's why I'm asking you."
"Justin has never lied to me," she says, blankly. "He doesn't have a reason to."
It's funny. She sounds just like Kerri used to before she realized how shitty Justin was treating her. It makes me want to laugh in her face, but of course I don't do it. "Shows how much you know about him."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
I smile a little. She's real defensive. The only time a girl gets that defensive about a guy is when she has feelings for him. I'd be angry, and tell her that Justin doesn't have time for any of that right now, but it's kind of funny to see her wallow in confusion because…well, she's a bitch. "You like him." My smile grows wider. "Don't you?"
Her mouth hangs open for a split second, before she seems to catch herself. She immediately sits up taller in the chair, like she's more mature than me or something. "You're fucking ridiculous."
"Well you must," I persist with a smile. "Otherwise you wouldn't be getting so riled up about me calling him a liar."
"He's not a liar," she says, sending me the dirtiest of looks. "I know he's not."
I lean forward then, conjuring up the most intimidating look that I possibly can. I'm going to get my point across, come hell or high water. "Justin is dangerous," I look her right in the eye as I say the words to her. "You don't know what he's capable of."
She rolls her eyes. "Please, spare me."
"So he told you all about Kerri right?" I immediately want to kick myself. I shouldn't be bringing Kerri into this. I don't have a right to, because she's not here, and she's really fucked up in the head right now. I'm also doing myself a disservice. If this gets back to Justin, Lynn is going to find out I'm sure. And if Lynn finds out I'm going to be getting a phone call from my mom. I groan inwardly. I wish I could change the subject, but I know that's impossible now. Damn it, sometimes I just let things get to me and I stay the stupidest shit. Why should I care if Justin hurts this girl? I mean, I don't care about her. And she's obviously an arrogant little bitch. I don't know…I guess I just saw what happened to Kerri and I don't want Justin to treat anybody else like that.
Even if it is this girl.
"Who's Kerri?"
She doesn't know. It shouldn't shock me, because she didn't even know who I was. But I shouldn't jump the gun. I really should be saying that she doesn't know about Kerri yet. I don't know how close Justin is getting to this girl, or what he's planning to talk to her about. But she's not a shrink, and hopefully Justin will be able to understand that and not talk about Kerri's personal problems with a stranger. "Don't worry about it," I shrug. "I get it now."
She throws her hands up in defeat. "You make no sense!"
"Just forget it," I mutter, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Lynn isn't' within earshot. "Like I said, I'm here because I'm concerned. I don't know you, and Justin doesn't really trust people that easily these days. I don't know what your intentions are. I haven't been around but…that's irrelevant. I know him, you don't. So why were you nominated to fill the position?"
"Oh I dunno, Trace," she says, flashing me a sarcastic smile. "Maybe because all of his friends decided to be assholes, and I was Lynn's last, gleaming hope?"
"Oh so you're the fuckin messiah now?" I chuckle. "Give me a break, girl. You don't know the first thing about Justin, about us…or about what he needs. Don't sit here and tell me I'm an asshole when you don't know the circumstances behind my decisions, all right?"
"When you stop judging me, I'll stop judging you," she states simply. "That would be the intellectual thing to do anyway."
I want to fire back another snide remark about how she has the intellect of a fruit fly, but I can't say anything else. Lynn is back now, big old smile on her face like everything is just fucking perfect. That's one thing that bothers me about her, but I wont let it get to me. I just sit back in my chair again, and force a content smile so Lynn won't get any ideas. I glance at Melanie, who's decided to turn back into the sweet little princess Lynn knows and loves. She's smiling pleasantly, giving no leeway to the bitch that she really is.
I want to strangle her.
"So Trace, isn't our Melanie a sweetheart?"
Lynn takes a seat and throws an arm around Melanie, who flashes me a fake cuddly wuddly smile. I want to spit in her fucking face, but I have to keep my cool. Lynn can't know about this, that we've actually met before, or that we basically can't stand each other. It would just make this situation even weirder than it already is. And I for one, don't need anymore weirdness in my life right now. "Yeah. She's definitely… unique."
Melanie shoots me a glare.
We order some coffee, and Lynn proceeds to fill Melanie's head with stories about Justin and me growing up. It's something I'm really uncomfortable with, because Melanie doesn't know me, and I don't want her to get to know me. I don't want her to think about how 'cute Justin and I must have been'. I don't want it. I nearly get up to leave too, before Lynn says. "Why don't you go stay at the house for a few days, Trace? I'm sure Justin and Melanie would love some company."
I feel sick, and let out a soft burst of nervous laughter. How the hell can she ask me that? In front of a fuckin' stranger? She did it on purpose, I know she did. She thinks I wont be rude because we have company. She probably plotted this whole thing for weeks, just so Justin won't have to worry about whether or not I hate him anymore. Well I'm not going to just cave in. This is fucking ridiculous.
"Oh yeah!," Melanie chimes in, with fake enthusiasm. "What a good idea," she smiles.
Fucking whore. She knows damn well I don't want to be within ten feet of either of them.
"I'm pretty busy for the next few weeks," I blurt out. Shit, my mom is going to hear all about this. But, I don't care. I'm not going over there. I'm not going to be forced to hang around that bitch, and fight with her when no one is looking. And I'm definitely not going to be forced to be around Justin, who's so fuckin insecure he'll probably latch onto me like some faithful dog. I'm just not doing it. Not to mention the fact that Kerri is going to be staying in some crazy house, and I know I have to be the strong one when I go to pick her up for work and shit.
"Oh come on," Lynn nudges me and sends me a playful smile. "You're as stubborn as Justin is."
I stand up. I can't…I can't do this anymore. I only came out here to find out if Justin was doing okay, not to be pressured into taking a vacation to his house. What is Lynn thinking? Did she smoke up before she came? Fuck, all she thinks about is herself. She's not considering how I feel…or how Justin might feel about me being there. She just wants everything to be sweet and pretty like perfect little Melanie over there. I want to tell her that's not how life works. But instead I shove my hands in my pockets and say, "I should probably get going."
The look on Lynn's face is telling me she's upset with me. Not angry…upset. Back home, having a mother figure be 'upset' with you is worse than having her angry with you. My heart starts to ache as I slowly retreat from the table, and my conscience begins to pull at me. I know I still…I owe it to Lynn. But I can't do it. Justin hurt me…so bad, and I can't get over the fact that he didn't care when Kerri had that accident, that he didn't come to the hospital. That the best he could do was run away. After everything, I never thought he would have stooped that low. I mean fuck what happened to him, Kerri was a part of that. And he hurt her. He should have fucking been there. She would have been there if it had been the other way around.
"Trace."
I'm at the door now. I could easily just walk away, but…that's not how I was raised. With a sigh, I turn around. Of course Lynn is standing there. Her eyes are a little glossy, and I know I'm being really stupid for upsetting her. "Lynn, I'm sorry."
She nods slowly. "I shouldn't have expected you to act any different, Trace. It's just been a long time, and I guess a part of me thought you'd be okay with the idea."
I shrug. "There's a lot I have to consider."
"I know." She rubs my arm gently, like a mother would. "But he needs you," she whispers.
I feel myself becoming choked up. I can't cry right now. I don't want Lynn to see it, and I don't want to admit to myself how much I really need Justin too. "He needs a lot of things," I whisper. "And I was there for him, Lynn. He didn't appreciate it."
"He knows that the kidnapper working on his tour wasn't your fault," she whispers. "He never meant to blame you."
I tug away from her. That's the last thing I wanted to be reminded of right now. "Well he did blame me. And he rubbed it in my face whenever he was angry enough. I wont even get into what he did to Kerri…"
"Let's not get into her," Lynn says quickly. "I really don't care."
I stare at her. In a million years, I never thought I would have heard those words come out of Lynn's mouth, regarding Kerri. They used to be so close, almost like mother and daughter. It occurs to me that Justin has probably put the blame on Kerri for a lot of things. He hasn't' confessed to his mother that he used Kerri just as much as she used him. So in turn, Lynn doesn't care what happens to her. It really disgusts me that Justin would turn his own mother against the girl. Now I remember exactly why I stopped talking to him. "Lynn, just listen…"
"If you're not going to visit for Justin's sake," she says, cutting me off. "Visit for mine."
I shake my head. "It's not right for you to ask me that." My voice cracks a little as I speak, and I hate myself. I hate that I'm going to start crying in a minute. "Things are stressful enough right now."
She kisses my cheek. "This is family, Trace. Not just another one of your friends. Please, just think about it."
My mouth hangs open., but I can't speak. I just stare at her, and a moment later she simply waves goodbye and retreats back to the table we were sitting at. I nearly follow her, before remembering that Melanie is sitting there. My eyes are watery now and there's no way I'm going to let that bitch see me cry, so I just walk out to my car. I get in, slam the door, and bury my face in my hands. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do. That woman just made me feel horrible about myself. I know she's just trying to get me and Justin to talk again, but fuck…she was acting like I deserted him for no reason. There's another side to this story that she wont' allow herself to see and I can't fucking stand that. Once again, I feel like this all my fault…that I'm obligated to go make things right between Justin and I. I feel weak and stupid, just like before.
It's not fucking fair.
Tap tap
Lynn's gotta be back and I don't want to deal with her anymore. Without looking up, I turn the key in the ignition and press the button so my window will roll down. "Look," I half sob, finally looking up to greet her with red eyes. "I.."
Melanie.
What. The. Fuck.
"It's obvious this isn't the last time we're going to see each other, Trace."
I don't answer. I hide my face in the steering wheel, and pretend she's not there.
"So I'm sorry."
I nearly give myself whiplash. "You're what?"
She rolls her eyes. "You heard me."
She's sorry. Now she's fucking sorry. After sitting there with her holier-than-thou attitude, she's apologizing. Well, it's a little too late for that. "Great, you're sorry. I can take a breath now." I start to put my car in gear, but stop when she gives me another intimidating look. "What do you want?," I grunt. "I'm leaving, you don't have to deal with me anymore. That's what you wanted isn't it?"
She places her hands on her hips, and lets out a long sigh. "Trace, you need to realize that I'm in charge of Justin now. I know that for awhile you were probably dealing with a lot of things that were hard. But you let it go, so you don't need to be concerned right now."
"But…"
"And I don't care who you are, or who Kerri is," she rambles on. "I don't even care about the person that Justin used to be, or whatever happened to him. I just know that I have to take care of the person he is now, and force him to not dwell on the past so much. That's my job. It's not really outlined, but Lynn didn't have to tell me what to do when she hired me. I just knew, and what I didn't know, I learned."
"You know you're…."
"I never had a childhood best friend, so I can't begin to imagine what you must have gone through with him, or what you're going through right now. But you can't just expect to walk away from Justin like you did, and step right back in when you feel like it. It's not good for him, or for anybody."
I guess I'm not going to get a word in here, so I lean back in my seat, and pull my hat down over my eyes. I'm not ignoring her. Unfortunately, most of what she's saying is making sense to me. She's not stupid. She's actually a lot more together, and a lot more intellectual than I thought. It doesn't mean I like her. But it doesn't mean I should be a fuck head to her either. She's right. In all likelihood I'll be seeing her again. I can't say when, because I can't even say when I'll be able to pay Justin a visit. All I know is, it won't be so great if I'm a dick to her while Justin is around. But I'm good at faking it, so it probably wont' be so hard. It's when we're alone…that's when dick Trace will take over. But I'm hoping to avoid those moments, somehow.
"I should go," she says, and it causes me to look at her again.
"Uh, okay."
She barely waves, and start to walk away. Again, I start to put the car in gear but I'm once again defeated when she stops and turns back to me. I groan. "What now?"
"We go running, every morning…early."
I stare at her.
"He's getting better," she nods. "Not a lot but…a little bit. You should sleep nights. It's good for you."
"He goes running with you?," I blurt out stupidly. I just don't believe that. He's such a shut in. He'd never get up at the crack to go running with anybody when I was still hanging around. He was too depressed. He slept too much. This is fucking weird.
What is she doing that I couldn't do? That Kerri couldn't do?
She just shrugs. "I don't give him the option to say no."
She doesn't give me a chance to ask more questions. She just goes back inside the restaurant, probably concerned that Lynn will be wondering what happened to her. I stare dumbly after her, my mouth hanging open, eyes still watery, not knowing what the hell to do. I'm a little numb. I just…I wasn't expecting her to be so…pro Justin. His mother isn't even that enthusiastic about making him come out of his stupid funk. She just babies him. This girl…I just don't know. It's like she's on a mission. Is that a good thing? Maybe. But I can't tell. Maybe I should go to the house, just to see what's going on. It would be good to see if Justin has some color in his face, and if he's acting sane.
Maybe I'm just hoping she's somehow turned him back into my best friend. Maybe I just need to see him. Maybe I just miss him like hell.
I don't fuckin' know.
I do know Kerri would be a lot better off if I stayed away from him.
But I don't think that I can.
The same three or four thoughts roll over in my mind the entire way back to my place. I can't get the lunch, Melanie, and the possibility of seeing Justin again out of my head. I wish I could call Kerri for advice, but I know she's not in the right frame of mind to help. She'd either snap at me to go there, or just cry, and I'm not dealing with that mess. It's bad enough I have to see her tonight. I don't know if I can even tell her about today. I probably wont because it's just not a good time. But if I don't tell her, she'll get mad at me for keeping shit from her. Fuck, this is such a mess. I really should have called in sick from life today. If I had, I'd be a little saner, and a lot more calm right now. But I cant' change shit. What's done is done and now it's time to make some decisions. Decisions that are going to effect a lot of people. But I tend to forget that Justin has always been my best friend, and I have to wonder…if I'd been the one kidnapped with Kerri, if that sick shit had happened to me, what would I be like right now? I can't say I wouldn't be the same way…and I can't say I'd be worse. The truth is, I have no idea how I'd handle something like that.
So maybe I should try seeing things from Justin's perspective for a day or two.
Maybe Lynn has a point. This is family. And family is too important to just give up on, no matter how hard things seem.
I don't go straight home. Instead, I decide to go to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for the house, and get Kerri a few things to make her feel more comfortable at the group home. Really, it still makes me shudder to think she's going to have to stay in a place like that. If it had been my decision alone, I know I wouldn't have even brought the idea up. But Elisha seemed to think it would be such a good idea to show her the place, and Kerri was such a mess that night that I didn't know what else to do. It was more than obvious that Kerri's situation was more than I could handle. She needed real help, and I figured…if this place would allow her to lead a normal life and help her at the same time, then it must have been good.
At least that's what I've been telling myself over…and over….and over again.
I'm having a serious battle with myself trying to decide if I want Fritos or Pringles when my cell phone starts to ring. At first I think 'I won't answer, it's just going to be Lynn or my mom and I don't want to talk to them'. But then I figure I should at least look at the caller ID, in case it's somebody important like Tarin. So I pull my phone out of my pocket, and I'm glad I did when I realize that it's Elisha calling me. "Hey," I answer, brightly. "How's everything going?"
"Okay," she yawns. "We went up to the home yesterday to look around. I think Kerri likes it, she seemed to anyway."
That's a good thing. I was really worried that she'd decide that she was terrified about staying there, and we'd have to start all over again. Not that I'd hold that against her or anything, but let's just say it wouldn't help her situation or mine if she decided not to go through with this whole thing. "Well…that's good, right?"
"Yeah. I just…I don't know. She seems so off, Trace. I mean, she's talking to me and everything. But I can tell she's holding something back. I'd push her but…you know how Kerri is," she says softly.
"She's probably just overwhelmed," I say, more for my sake than Elisha's. Over the weekend, I've been trying to convince myself that Kerri really isn't holding anything back from me. That she's just stressed out about everything that's happened, and she needs to get help. I've been trying to block out the conversation we had on the tennis court too. The fact that she said if she told me why she was upset, she'd make things worse, still haunts me. I don't know what the hell she was talking about. It could be nothing. It could just be that she didn't want to talk about the same shit anymore. But I don't know…
Kerri had never been that bad before.
It was like she completely lost it. All the confidence, all the stamina she'd built up over the past few months…it was just gone, like something had suddenly sucked all the life out of her. Maybe it was because I semi gave up on her. Maybe it was because we fooled around and it confused her. Fuck, maybe she was reminded of Justin. How they used to have sex, and how he used to treat her afterward. How she had to find out what his real intentions were the hard way. And I couldn't' help her because I didn't know how.
I still don't.
"I don't know, Trace," she sighs. "I think there's a lot more to Kerri than anybody thinks. She keeps a lot inside. She spent most of this weekend crying and stuff. I've never seen her like this, and I didn't really try to pry information out of her. I mean she told me some stuff, like how she's been confused and tired. Did you know she still has nightmares every night? She said she doesn't like to tell people…it's really bad, Trace. I can't believe she's been holding out this long. There was really no reason for her to."
For the second time today, I find my eyes welling up with tears. I don't want to burst into tears in the middle of Whole Foods though, so I just push my cart forward and continue with my shopping. I feel so fucking guilty right now, like I have no right butting into Kerri's life anymore because it's obvious I'm not helping and it's obvious she keeps a lot of shit from me. Now more than ever, I realize what happened between her and Justin effected her more than anybody thought. I know now…she still loves him, and that's killing her.
But I can't do anything about it.
"Is she around," I whisper, trying to hide the depression in my voice.
"She's in the bathroom," Elisha tells me quickly. "I didn't want to call you while she was around. I knew she wouldn't' want me to. We're at lunch, but we're going to head back your way afterwards. You still want to take the trip up to the home right?"
I do, but for some reason I feel like I need to be alone with Kerri while we drive up there. I mean, Elisha is a big part of this but…I dunno. I feel like she'll break down and tell me a lot more if we're alone. And I need to find out what the major issue is. "I do but…I think I'd like to take her up there myself, Elisha."
"Trace, I don't know…"
"Listen, I'm the one that's been looking out for her," I interrupt, a little harshly. "If she's going to crack, she's going to crack to me, all right?"
"You can't just pressure her!," she exclaims. "You don't know how she'll react."
Elisha means well, and I'm really grateful that she's taken time out of her life to help me out with Kerri and stuff. But I have a few things I need to talk to Kerri about, that I don't think Elisha should be around for. "Look, I know what I'm doing," I say, as I toss a bottle of ketchup into my shopping cart. "I'm not going to yell at her or anything. I promise."
"Okay, so if you do I have the right to kick your ass then?"
I have to laugh. "Sure."
"Fine. I'll tell her I have an emergency dinner meeting or something, even though it's really shitty to lie to her," she groans. "You just better not be an asshole."
"Elisha," I say with a burst of laughter. "When have you known me to be an asshole?"
"I'm hanging up on you now."
She really does it too, and I can't help but chuckle to myself again. I'm glad we're sort of becoming friends again, and that we can trust each other. No, I'd never try to get her back. I'm over her, and Tarin has taken up most of my intimate thoughts for the moment. I know it's better this way though. I don't blame anybody for the fact that my relationship with Elisha fell apart anymore. I've actually come to the conclusion that, it simply wasn't meant to be, and if the break up didn't happen when it did…it was bound to happen soon enough. It shocks me that I'm thinking this way. It means I'm changing, finally. I'm taking a step forward, trying to move on. My only fear is what's going to happen tonight…
And what's going to happen when I finally cave and decide to talk to Justin again.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
