“The home isn’t so bad,” I say, trying to sound positive. “I can come and go as I please, and Susan is pretty cool. She helps me...when I let her anyway,” I chuckle. “I think I’m starting to learn how to deal with things a little bit better with her around. I’ve never...really given myself a chance to deal with what happened to me. After it happened I was really focused on helping Justin to deal....” I trail off because I don’t want to get on the subject of Justin right now. I know how Cooper feels about him, and really...Justin’s business isn’t something I need to be announcing to the world. “I guess I figured if helped somebody else, my problems would just go away.” I shrug. “But they didn’t. So here I am.”
His brow furrows, and he seems to sink deep into thought for a few minutes. “What if you just stay with me for a while,” he asks, the nervousness apparent in his voice. “My dad won’t care. I told him about you, and he’s happy that I’ve started to see somebody. My sisters already adore you too. I know it sounds crazy.” He laughs a little as I open my mouth to protest. “But at least you’d be around somebody that cares about you. I just...hate to think that you go home every night to a shrink and a bunch of her patients. You deserve better than that.”
My immediate thought is, no way. That would be stepping outside my boundaries. Hell, Trace would flip out too. I know he would, regardless if I told him I was happier staying with Cooper or not. As far as he’s concerned, Cooper is still a stranger, and if strangers get the wrong information things could turn bad for certain people very quickly. But why should I care what he thinks anyway? He’s off, banging his girlfriend six nights a week and doing mindless shit with Justin. He never thinks to call. He just doesn’t have it in him to check up on me anymore. The little dinner date we had last week, was more to warn me about David being an asshole than anything else. I actually haven’t heard from him since then, and that only tells me that I’m not really a big deal to him like he wants me to think.
I need to take control of my own life.
“I...don’t know,” I say, feeling my cheeks turning red. “That’s a lot to think about.”
“I know,” he smiles. “At least tell me you’ll consider it as an option, though. It doesn’t have to be right away.”
I guess I could do that. The great thing about Cooper is, he’s never pushy. I could probably take a few months to think it over, still tell him I don’t think it’s a good idea, and he wouldn’t be angry with me, just disappointed. I know I can’t make him wait that long though. After I go home for the wedding, I think I’ll have had enough time to make up my mind about it, and to find out if seeing Justin drives me to the brink of my sanity all over again. “I have to fly back to Tennessee in a couple of weeks for a wedding,” I tell him gently. “After that, I think I’ll be able to give you an answer.”
“I think I can live with that,” he smiles. “As long as I still get to do this.” He leans in, and presses his lips gently to mine.
My smile only grows wider as the kiss breaks. “I don’t know, I may still have to consider that too.”
“Oh no.” He laughs, and kisses my neck a little. “This part isn’t optional.”
I pull his face up to mine, and kiss him harder. His hands begin to wander to new places after several minutes of what’s turned into a passionate make out session. I feel them under my shirt, and up over my bra, toying with the lace just above my breast. I feel him lick and bite my neck and it causes me to let out a slight moan of pleasure. I feel amazing things rushing through me all at once, and I know I haven’t felt like this since...Justin and I had sex that time in New York. But I put the memory out of my mind, because I know I can only focus on one thing at a time. Right now, the only thing I want to focus on is Cooper, because he makes me feel so special, so wanted...
Maybe it’s early to say it too, but I think he may care about me more than Justin ever could.
“You’re okay with this?” He stops because he’s started to unbutton my blouse, and looks into my eyes as if he’s doing something truly unthinkable.
I don’t consider the consequences, I just nod very quickly. “I want you to touch me,” I whisper.
My shirt comes off, and Cooper flings it someplace in the backseat. I giggle a little, and he tells me to put my seat back. I do, and then he’s laying on top of me again, just like the previous night on his couch. “You know,” I whisper, as he starts to pull one of my bra straps down my shoulder. “There’s children outside.”
He shrugs, with a playful smile on his face. “This is nature. They have to learn sometime right?”
I laugh out loud. “You’re terrible.”
“Maybe.” He kisses the part of my shoulder that had been covered by my bra strap seconds ago. “But you’re naughty, Ker.”
“Oh no. I’m being taken advantage of.” I smile slyly. “And I don’t see how this is fair, because you still have all your clothes on.”
“Aren’t you slick.” He smiles and sits up a little so he can tug his shirt off. “Better?”
I’m mesmerized, because I never knew that Cooper had...well, a body. He’s never told me about taking trips to the gym, or how much he can bench press. I guess he’s just too mellow to brag about his workout methods. I can’t deny that he’s built though. Not like, stacked or anything. If he was, I would have been able to notice it before. He has a toned, developing six pack and well toned pecs, his biceps are a good size too and I know he probably works out just enough to make himself happy...not to put on a fashion show. It’s definitely sexy, and it’s just one more reason I have to like him now. “I like,” I say softly. “Very much.”
He lowers himself back on top of me now, and kisses me gently. “I like too. Very much.”
“You sound like a cave man.”
He laughs, but doesn’t say anything else to me.
Probably because he’s too busy taking my bra off.
*************************
I wish I could say that Cooper and I had wild, passionate sex in his car at the lookout point, but I’m sorry to say that he wouldn’t allow us to go that far. We’d kissed and fondled each other for what seemed like hours, before we got to that very specific point where I was ready to rip his pants off and just...let him have me. But he got serious as I started to unbuckle his belt, and put his hand on top of mine so I would stop.
“Not today,” he’d said softly, kissing me again. “I don’t want to do that here.”
I’d surprised myself because I’d started to pout. “Are you kidding me?”
“Kerri.” He laughed, and pulled me into his arms. “That’s what we call ‘moving too fast’.'”
“Oh.” I almost started to tell him I wasn’t satisfied, and I wouldn’t be until he fucked me. But then he started to kiss my neck again, and whisper things in my ear that literally made me melt. It should have been weird, and awkward. I shouldn’t have been able to deal with that...him turning me down for sex, because it just wasn’t what I was used to. Strangely enough though, the whole thing felt exactly right. Like, it was supposed to happen that way. We were supposed to wait. Our first time was supposed to be special, and my brain was telling me the right thing to do was to be patient.
I should know better than most girls, what happens when you rush into things like sex.
The sky had been turning a pinkish purple color by the time we drove away from the lookout point, and I knew it was getting late. I desperately wished I could have text David then, and told him I wasn’t feeling well so I could spend the rest of the evening with Cooper. I knew I’d already committed to showing up at that party with him though, and he’d given me the day off too. I’d only piss him off if I backed out, and I knew it. With a sad sigh, I’d told Cooper that I needed him to drop me off at Susan’s so I could get ready to go out for the night.
“I wish you didn’t have to go,” he’d said with a sigh. “I think I’m sort of addicted to you now.”
Hearing him say that caused the feeling of dread growing inside of me to die down a little and I’d smiled at him. “I do tend to have that effect on people, you know.”
He’d smirked and given my hand a squeeze. “So what’s this thing you’re going to? A work party or something?”
I knew I had to lie to him, and I absolutely loathed the idea. It was too early into our relationship for me to be dishonest with Cooper. But what was I supposed to tell him? That I was going to a party with my boss, who had a thing for me? Cooper would have been completely caught off guard and confused about it, and I didn’t want that. I wanted to handle the situation on my own, tell David once and for all that I wasn’t interested in being his little mistress, and move on with my life. Cooper didn’t need details, because I wasn’t about to let David touch me one more time. “Yeah, it’s one of the girls birthdays. She’d kill me if I missed it, otherwise I would just tell them I was sick or something.” The guilt that rushed through me then, was worse than any I’d ever experienced before. Cooper had been honest with me from the first time I ever met him, and there I was lying to his face. I was a terrible person but...I was praying that once the night was over I would never have to lie to him again.
“No, you should go,” he told me, positively. “You deserve to have some fun. I have to study anyway, and I can always see you tomorrow at some point. I mean, if I haven’t scared you away yet.”
“Oh stop it.” I laughed and nudged him a little bit. “If anything, I should have been the one to scare you away.”
We stopped at a red light, and he looked over at me. His eyes bore deep into mine, and he smiled gently. “You’re beautiful. I want you to know that. Even if things don’t work out between us, for whatever reason... I just want you know that I’ll always feel that way about you, Kerri.”
I told him he was crazy, but really, his words nearly caused me to swoon. He was too much, and I’m almost positive that he knew it too, but he just didn’t care. I suddenly had the urge to call Elisha and gush to her about Cooper for an hour. It was like the relationship I’d always wanted to have in high school, that I never could. I even got sad for a minute, knowing that if Cooper had been around then, we more than likely would have been together. It was like he was another version of myself that I’d happened to stumble upon, and I couldn’t believe it.
I still can’t believe it.
He’d dropped me off, not hesitating to kiss me a few times before asking me to call him when I got in so he would know I made it home okay. Of course I told him I would, and I asked him to please talk to Natalie when he got home and let her know that he didn’t hate her or anything. Naturally he’d rolled his eyes, but given into my demands. With one last kiss goodbye, I’d gotten out of the car and watched him drive away down the road. A feeling of longing filled me up inside, and I realized how badly I wanted him to come back and take me home with him....away from stress, away from being tired, and away from David. I knew it wasn’t possible. I had to go to the party. I had to keep my job and work towards a better future. There wasn’t an alternative.
So here I am, putting the finishing touches on my hair and make up, and pushing up my boobs inside my dress so I have a better looking cleavage. I feel cheap, and I hate myself. But at the very least I have to look good, even if I don’t intend on letting David touch me at all this evening. He texted me before telling me that he was on his way. Naturally, I was anything but overjoyed, but texted him back like I couldn’t wait to see him. I have to stop after tonight, and I know the only way I can do that is if I’m completely honest with him as far as him getting physical with me goes.
I just don’t know how he’s going to take that.
Around ten of nine I step out onto the porch and silently thank the powers above that nobody else is outside smoking a cigarette at the moment. I don’t feel like answering questions or being whispered about. I find that I’m trembling slightly and I know my nerves are just at their edge right now. If somebody was to push me right now, I know I could snap. I sit down on the porch swing and rock myself back and forth for a little bit. The chimes on my phone go off after a minute, telling me I have a knew text message and I sigh, knowing that it’s probably David telling me he hopes I look good or some stupid shit. When I look and see that it’s Trace though, I perk up just slightly. Well, until I read the message anyway.
I heard you’re going out with David tonight.
For the first time in my life, I choose to ignore him. I delete the text message and snap my phone closed angrily. What the hell business is it of his if I’m going out with David tonight or not? If he really cared...if he really didn’t want me to go, he should have at least called me and explained to me what could go wrong. But hell, I know myself and I probably wouldn’t have listened to him anyway. It just makes me angry that he feels he can still be the one to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be doing. I mean, he’s not me. He doesn’t have to live my life, or rebuild it for that matter. I can’t stand when he does stuff like this, and I know it’s going to be in the back of my mind for the entire night now. I feel like I’ll be indulging myself in my drink of choice, just to be able to rid my mind of it.
And that’s something I really don’t need to be doing tonight.
A horn blares, and it snaps me out of my angry daze. I look out, and I see David parked at the far end of the driveway. He waves a little and motions me to come over so I can get into the car. This is it I guess. I definitely can’t turn back now, and I take in a long breath, forcing myself to do what I know I desperately don’t want to. I walk down the driveway, a little slower than normal so my limp isn’t as apparent to him. Although I know he’s seen it before, it’s just embarrassing, and it makes me insecure as hell.
“Hey gorgeous.” David flashes me that smile of his. The one that I used to find charming but now all it does is make me sick. “You ready to party?”
I manage to get out a ‘yes’ for him, as he comes around to open the door for me. I barely have my seatbelt fastened before he’s jumped back into the drivers seat, pounding on the gas pedal. I hold my breath as we race away down the road. He’s driving much to fast for my liking and I can feel myself start to feel sick. I manage to contain myself though. The worst thing I could do is puke in his car. I don’t want to make the night suck anymore than I know it’s going to already.
We pull up to the club in record time, due to David’s wonderful speed racing skills. I quickly pull down the sun visor and look at myself in the small mirror, surveying the damage done by the wind whipping at my hair. I run my fingers through it quickly, breathing out a relieved sigh when it falls back into place easily. The valet is here, and I unfasten my seatbelt while David hands the guy his keys and a tip. A second valet opens my door for me and I step out of the car, immediately feeling like I’ve just arrived at an awards show. There’s a red carpet leading our way into the building, and photographers are stationed on either side of it. Funny, David never told me who his friend was but I guess I’d be stupid to assume that the guy wasn’t in the business. I hold my breath as he takes my hand and smiles at me.
“You okay?” He laughs at me a little, sensing my nervousness.
“Yeah...” I don’t quite meet his gaze. “I just didn’t realize how big this party was I guess.”
He shrugs. “Get used to it.” He flashes me a smile and kisses me on the cheek gently as we make our way onto the sidewalk. “This is what happens when you date a guy like me.”
I shudder. When the hell did I agree to date this asshole? I don’t have time to protest though. We’re on the red carpet now, and there are a million flashes going off in my face. A few of the photographers call out my name, and I want to kill myself. They still know who I am, and that scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to make anymore tabloid headlines. I’m tired of the world viewing me as somebody I’m not. I’m not famous, or chic, or even successful. I’m just Kerri, and a really shitty thing happened to put me in these idiot’s spotlight. I don’t even realize that I’ve started to yank David forward until I hear him laugh and ask me what’s the matter. I turn to him and shake my head a little. “I hate photographers,” I say as softly as I can. The music is blasting now, and it’s starting to give me a headache.
“I’ll make sure we go out the back,” David reassures me, giving my back a little rub as we approach the bouncer.
I should feel better by knowing that, but the fact that I’m still stuck with David is dampening the mood. He won’t let go of my hand as he gives the bouncer his invitation, and I’m starting to feel really smothered. As we start to enter the club, I can feel it coming back...the claustrophobia. It hasn’t happened in a very long time. Not since I was with Justin actually. But I guess I’m so stressed out right now, that I’m starting to slip. The walls are sort of closing in on us as we make our way deeper into the room. I feel too big for this place. The people are all around us, laughing, shaking Davids hand and kissing him on the cheek. I want to hide, to get away.
“Hey, what’s wrong.” David eyes me with concern after another one of his friends departs from their conversation. “You’re breathing really hard, Kerri.”
I meet his gaze with fearful eyes. I hadn’t realized it, but I was nearly hyperventilating just a few moments ago. This is very bad. After all this time, I still can’t handle just going to a club and having a good time. I’m smothered, and I would really like a drink. I feel like this is the past that I’m revisiting right now. All the work I’ve been doing trying to better myself doesn’t matter right now. I’m in a stressful area, with a bad person...
And I have nobody here that could even begin to understand me.
“I think...I just need some air or something,” I nod. “I’ll be okay.”
He laughs and throws an arm around my shoulders. “How about we just get you a drink? That should calm you down.”
Great solution. He’s an idiot but of course I won’t tell him that. He doesn’t know about my off again on again relationship with alcohol, and it’s not really his concern. As long as I don’t show up to work drunk, I guess it doesn’t really matter to him one way or the other anyway. David finds a waitress and she happily leads us to a reserved table with his name on it. He orders a bottle of something that sounds expensive and strong, and hands the waitress a few bills to make her hurry up. He tries to make small talk while we wait, but I basically just smile and nod, silently thanking god when another one of David’s friends pops over to our table, and starts to make excited conversation with him. David of course introduces me as his date, and I flash the guy a small smile as I shake his hand. He looks familiar, I think I may have seen him on TV before, but I can’t be sure.
I really couldn’t give a shit anyway.
The waitress returns with our bottle seconds later, and I feel my mouth begin to water. I know its terrible. I can’t remember the last time I wanted a drink this badly, and I know if I don’t keep my guard up I’ll get entirely too intoxicated for my own good. I don’t trust David. He seems like the type thats itching to take advantage of me, and I don’t...I don’t want him putting his hands or anything else on or in my body. The drinks get poured, nevertheless, and I watch with wide eyes as David hands me one with a smile. Of course I take it, and stare at it for a few minutes before finally asking him the smartest question of the night. “What is this?”
“It’s a special imported vodka,” he tells me. “It tastes great, Kerri. Try it.”
I don’t know why, but I do. He’s right about the taste of course. I think any type of alcohol would taste great to me at this point, though. I feel myself becoming less tense in the matter of a few minutes, and I hate to admit that David was right about the alcohol making me calm down. It’s getting a lot easier to breathe, and I’m actually starting to enjoy the music. Everything would probably be perfect if I wasn’t here with David. I mean, anybody else would be better. Especially since his hand has landed on my thigh again, and it’s slowly beginning to slide it’s way under my dress. “David...”I begin, placing a hand on top of the one that’s violating me.
“You feel better?” He asks me, pushing my hand off of his and continuing to rub my thigh.
I don’t say anything, I just nod because I know I’m getting irritated with him. I want to scream at him, and tell him to keep his fucking hands off of me. But I just...God, I can’t do it. I’m so afraid that he’ll fire me. I shouldn’t care. I should move on with my life and forget all about David. I just want this job so bad, though. I’m tired of interviews, and people not taking me seriously. This is my chance, and...I want to do whatever I have to do to protect it.
“Let’s go upstairs. It’s nicer up there, there’s less people and stuff,” he says gently in my ear.
“Don’t you uh...have to go wish your friend a happy birthday?” I ask him nervously, thinking it might distract him from making me go somewhere secluded.
He laughs. “You must have been really out of it before. I introduced you to him, remember?”
I don’t remember a thing and that’s really terrible considering it was the guys birthday, but I can’t dwell on it right now. I know I’m not getting out of what he wants me to do unless I leave, and I know that I can’t leave right now. Maybe going someplace quieter isn’t a bad thing though. I can talk to him up there, and actually hear myself. Maybe I can just convince him that I’m not comfortable with what he wants me to do with him, that it’s not the right thing for me to be doing. If he has any kind of decency inside of him, he’ll understand. Maybe I can show him why a professional relationship with me would be better than a physical one.
Something tells me that nothing I say is going to make David back off though.
“Oh yeah,” I say, forcing a smile. “I guess there were just so many people, he slipped my mind.”
“Hey that’s okay.” He laughs again and puts his drink down, helping me to stand up with him. “As long as I don’t slip your mind, we have no problems.”
I barely smile as he leads the way upstairs. I find that it leads out onto the rooftop, and I’m a little more reassured about the situation when I realize that we aren’t completely alone out here. There’s people sitting on the cushions and mini sofas scattered around the place, conversing quietly. I’d like to sit with them, and distract David right now. But apparently he’s not going to give me a chance to recommend the idea to him. He’s leading me over to a secluded spot, away from the groups of people. I look out over the edge of the roof, and I realize I can see most of Sunset Boulevard. Although I’m usually terrified of the place, it looks amazing from up here. I silently wish Cooper was here to see it with me. I know he’d like it.
“Are you cold or anything?” David asks me after a moment.
I guess I was shuddering a little bit, but it definitely wasn’t due to being cold. “I’m okay,” I tell him, not looking him in the eye.
“I hope you’re having a good time tonight.” He moves his hand to brush a stray piece of hair out of my face. “I know you don’t really get to come out like this all that much.”
I shrug. “I’m not really big on clubs anyway,” I say softly.
He moves closer to me, and wraps his arms around me, letting his hands find their way onto my ass before I know what’s happening. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to teach you how to have a good time then.”
It’s an immediate reaction when I pull away. That was way too close, completely beyond him putting an arm around me. I’m completely uncomfortable now, and by the look on his face I know that he can sense what’s going on. “I don’t think...”
“Hey, relax.” He says it with a slight smile, but with a lot more firmness in his voice as he positions his arms around me again. “I know you’re nervous, but you don’t have to be. I don’t move all that fast,” he laughs. “I’ll be gentle the first time.”
Gross. “I don’t want to do this with you.” I yank away again and fold my arms stubbornly under my breasts. “I’m uncomfortable and...I’m not that type of girl.”
A look comes over him that I’ve only seen one other time. It’s snide, intimidating, and full of greed. It’s how he looked at Tarin the other day when she was shooting comments out at him. It’s a look thats telling me not to fuck with him. I’m starting to become very scared, and I feel so alone. “So tell me, Kerri,” he begins quietly. “How much do you really want this job then? Because hell, I’m fucking confused right now. You told me that you like the job, and that you’re happy. I’ve been sticking my neck out for you too, you know that. All that money I’ve been giving you, all that stuff I’ve been letting you get away with, it comes with a price, baby.”
I start to wonder how many other girls he’s done this kind of thing to. My mind starts to drift towards Tarin, and what could have happened to her. According to David they had a “thing” but even though it makes me sick to think of it...I’m almost positive their “thing” started out just like this. “I don’t understand why I have to do this type of thing with you, to get promoted,” I say to him darkly. “It’s fucked up.”
He’s laughing now, completely unfazed by my righteous little outburst. “You’re so damn naive. Did you honestly think I gave you the position based on your so called talent? Give me a break! You can't have morals in this business, Kerri. You might as well lose them now before you wake up in ten years and realize what you could have had if you weren’t such a prude. I can make things happen for you,” he pauses and licks his lips a little as he reaches out to run his hand down my arm. “You just have to learn how to loosen up.”
I feel shot down to the point that I want to collapse onto the ground and cry. I was stupid, so stupid to think that David felt I had any sort of radio talent. He promoted me based on my looks, and that alone. I could never prove myself to somebody else, because in reality I really don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’ll never be as talented as Tarin is, and that hurts so much that I start to forget about my morals, about everything. I should give him what he wants, so I can just move forward with my life. I can learn the position, gain knowledge and then get a job someplace else.
All I have to do is let him do what he wants to me.
It’s not so bad. I hear Shane’s voice whispering in the back of my mind. Justin did it.
“Come on, don’t cry,” he says softly, tilting my head up with his hand so I’m forced to look at him. “This is all going to become so easy for you, once you cooperate. Where are you gonna go sweetheart? There’s no options for the inexperienced.”
I hadn’t even realized I’d allowed the tears to escape me, but I can feel them now, gliding down my face and ruining my makeup. I force myself to stop, because I know I have to be strong, and I reach up to wipe them off of my face, but David stops me. He moves my hand away from my face and holds it down at my waist as he leans in to kiss my neck. I let him. I’m so fucking stupid for letting him, but I just...stand there while he does it. He looks up after a moment, flashing me a smile that tells me he owns me now, and there’s no turning back. Then he presses his lips against mine, forcing his tongue into my mouth after a moment and letting his hand inch its way up my dress a little bit. I feel disgusting, and I can’t believe that I’m allowing this to happen. It’s not even like I’m kissing him back...I’m just letting him do what he wants.
Cooper would be broken hearted if he knew what was going on.
What the fuck am I doing?
“Stop it.” I push him back away from me roughly, yanking my dress back down as he’d inched it up to the point that my panties were showing. “Just...no, David. I’m not doing this. I’m not.”
He puts a hand to his mouth, and wipes the saliva off his bottom lip, all the while sending me a hateful glare. “You’re serious right now?”
“Yeah,” I say quietly. “I am.”
He shoves his hands in his pockets, a creepy little smile taking over his expression, and he rocks back on his heels. “Have fun filing. Because clearly, you’re not willing to do anything else.”
I try not to let him tear me down right now. I wish he knew how hard it was for me to even walk into the radio station that first day as an intern, how far I had come since everything happened at that point. I’m stronger and better than what he’s making me feel like right now. “I can find more work,” I tell him. “Kiss FM isn’t the only radio station in the world, David.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “You really think I’d give you a recommendation?”
I just stare at him.
“Kerri, Kerri, Kerri.” He steps closer to me and sighs heavily, as if he completely regrets what he has to do now. He touches my face a little bit, and shakes his head. “You gotta learn sometime, sweetheart.”
I watch him as he turns on his heel and walks casually away from me. I don’t call out to him, and he doesn’t give me a second glance. I know this means something bad is going to happen when I go back to work. What it will be I have no idea. All I know is, it would probably be better if I didn’t go back at this point. But what else am I supposed to do? I have to work. I’ll go fucking crazy if I don’t, and I know now...there’s not a chance in hell that I’ll be able to get into another radio station if David has anything to say about it. I’ve officially fucked myself over, and I don’t have anyone to blame for it but me. Maybe if I hadn’t given into David in the first place, none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t have demoted Tarin, and I'd still be working for her. Granted, she’s a bitch, but I wouldn’t have had to worry about fucking some guy to get ahead.
I find a place to sit down, and put my head in my hands. I have no fucking idea what I’m supposed to do, and to top things off I’m stranded out on Sunset. I can’t call Susan to bail me out this time. I think she’d pack my bags for me once I got back to the house. Cooper is definitely out for obvious reasons. I guess I could call Elisha. I know I could trust her right now, and so I pull out my phone and dial the number. Two rings and a voicemail later, I know she’s out on a date or at some event, probably too intoxicated to answer the phone at this point. It is a little bit after midnight, so I can understand.
There’s one more person I could call right now, and I really don’t want to call him. All Trace will tell me is that he told me so, that I should have listened, and that I never seem to make the right decision. Maybe I can just suck it up and call a cab. I nod to myself a little, and decide its worth a shot. Somehow, I make my way downstairs and back into the club. The music is still booming, driving me nuts almost right away. I rush out of there, past the bouncer who tells me I’m not getting back in without my invite, and I pay him no mind. I wander over to the corner, away from the busy entrance way and paparazzi. Several cabs pass by, one even stops to ask me if I need him to take me someplace, but I’m just...frozen. One too many dreams about Nathan being my cab driver has left me absolutely terrified of getting into one, and I realize I’m not going to be able to do it.
I’m going to have to call Trace.
“Fuck.” I whimper and I flip open my phone to find his number. Once I find it, I push send, and the phone rings a good seven times before a groggy voice picks up on the other end.
“Mmm...’lo?”
He’s half asleep and I feel shitty as hell for calling him like this. “Trace,” I say quietly.
It’s silent, and for a moment I think he may have hung up on me. But then I hear soft whispering in the background, and I know he’s probably talking to Tarin, who I’m sure has been sleeping peacefully beside him the whole night. “So--you ignore my text but you call me at midnight,” he finally speaks up, sounding half disoriented and half irritated. “Are you okay?”
He’s pissed, and I don’t think I even need to tell him what’s happened. He already knows, and he probably wants to tell me a lot of things right now, but I’m sure he’ll save it for later. “I’ll be fine, but I need a ride,” I say, trying to hold back my sobbing until I get off the phone with him.
“Where are you?” he grunts.
“It’s a club called Era,” I sigh. “Don’t hate me okay?”
“Just stay there,” he says, ignoring the last thing I said. “I’ll be down as soon as I can.”
“Trace, I--”
The line goes dead before I can get any further, and I know right away that he’s only coming to get me because of how long we’ve been friends. He’s here for me like always, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy about it. Hell, he’s going to be in a shitty mood when he comes to get me, but I know I don’t have any other way home at this hour. I’m too fucked up to find a public method of transportation, so I’ll just have to deal with Trace rambling on about how stupid I am until he gets me back to Susan’s. I sigh heavily, and find a bus stop bench to sit on several feet away. I put my head in my hands and sob for a while, knowing how much of a psycho I must look like crying like this in the middle of the night, but not caring what other people think of me either. I’m just happy that the photographers haven’t decided to get in on my little drama. I’d rather cry alone and stay out of Star magazine.
I wait for a good hour, before I feel somebody come up from behind me. It causes me to jump a little bit, almost afraid that David has come back to try and get me to sleep with him one more time. It’s not David, though. It’s Trace, and he looks like he’d rather be doing anything else at this point. “Hey,” I say quietly, feeling like a moron.
He barely acknowledges me. “Come on, let’s go.”
He walks ahead of me, leaving me to trail behind him, and feel like a big asshole. I can’t help but sob. I know I brought this on myself, but Trace is supposed to be my friend. He’s acting like he doesn’t even know me right now, and I don’t know if it’s that, or the fact that I was treated like a piece of meat tonight, but I finally crack. I sob heavily as I walk, not being able to keep up with him anymore. I fall to my knees, and just...cry. I hate myself for it, but I really don’t think there’s anything else I can do at this point. I’m lost, and desperate...
Trace is supposed to get it. Right now, he’s the only one that can.
“God, Ker. Come on.” I feel Trace’s arms around me now, and he pulls me to my feet. “Come on, you’re okay.”
“I’m sorry.” I cry into him, and he allows me to wrap my arms around him. “Trace, I’m sorry.”
He sighs heavily, and a moment later he returns my embrace. I feel him stroke my head and press his face into my hair. “Calm down,” he whispers in my ear. “It’s okay.” He pulls away from me after a few moments and looks into my eyes. “What did he do to you?”
I shake my head. “He was kissing me,” I whimper. “But I made him stop.”
He nods, seeming to know exactly what just took place. “I’ll take care of it.”
I don’t know what he means by that, but the last thing I want him to do is get involved. I feel like it will only make the situation harder for everyone, and I can just put up with the bullshit David hands me until I’m able to move on to something else. “No, you don’t have to do anything,” I say quickly, as he starts walking away from me again. “Trace....”
“I’m not going to stand by and let that asshole fuck around with you, Kerri.” He cuts me off and turns back to me, his expression filled with rage. “Now just shut up and let me handle it.”
I don’t try to protest any further because I know his mind is already made up. He’s going to do what he feels is appropriate regarding tonight, and I’ll just have to put up with what happens. I should just be thankful that Trace is willing to help me out at all, because I know he doesn’t owe me anything, not with all the shit I’ve put him through in the past. I follow him to the car silently, and let myself in while he gets into the drivers seat. The whole car ride is silent too, but it’s not like I was expecting anything differently from him. When we get to Susan’s, I start to get out of the car without saying goodbye. Then I hear him sigh a little, and I turn back to face him. “See you around then?” I manage.
“Now you got it all out of your system right?”
I tilt my head, confused. “What?”
“David.”
“I never....”
“Next time I’m not coming to save you,” he interrupts me, sternly. “Just remember that.”
I get out of the car and stare back at him through the open doorway. He doesn’t bother to trying to talk to me, tell me he loves me, or that I just need to try harder. It’s not his problem and he’s doing me a favor by “handling it” At least that’s what he’s trying to show me. I don’t understand it, and I feel even worse about this whole thing than I did before I called him. I open my mouth to say something, to try to defend myself, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He reaches across and pulls the passenger door closed before I can do it for him, and backs the car out of the driveway, roaring away and out of my site.
Again, I’m left standing in the dust, by the one person who was never supposed to leave me behind.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
