“Calm down,” I’d whispered to her when her sobbing hadn’t stopped.  “It’s okay.”  I forced myself to pull away from her so I could look into her bloodshot eyes.  “What did he do to you?”

She shook her head.  “He was kissing me.  But I made him stop.”

I had known that would have happened, and I guess I was thankful that Kerri had been strong enough to stop the situation from escalating.  I would have told her I was proud of her for standing up for herself, but I was so disgusted at that point I really didn’t have the energy to give her a compliment.  All I knew, was that I had to take the next step.

I was going to have to confront David myself, and that...well, I knew that wasn’t going to go well at all.  “I’ll take care of it,” I said seriously, as I turned to walk away from her again.

“No, you don’t have to do anything,” Kerri had called out from behind me, the desperation in her voice apparent.  “Trace...”

“I’m not going to stand by and let that asshole fuck around with you, Kerri.” I’d whirled around quickly as I said it to her, my expression filled with rage.  I was ready to punch somebody, not Kerri of course, but David would have been a prime target at that moment in time.  What he’d done to Kerri was fucked up, and what was doing to my girlfriend had definitely gone on long enough.  “Now just shut up, and let me handle it.”

She’d stared at me like a deer in headlights, but I guess what I’d said had gotten to her because she didn’t try to protest anymore after that.  I was glad, because I wanted to get the hell out of downtown and drop Kerri off so I could go home to Tarin, who I knew was going to be pissed off at me.  We drove in silence, and when we’d reached Susan’s I didn’t say another word to her as she opened the passenger door.

“See you around then?,” she’d said, looking back over her shoulder.

I didn’t want to cause anymore drama, but at that point my head was swimming with so much shit that I couldn’t help but snap at Kerri a little bit.  “Now you got it all out of your system right?”

She looked at me like I had three heads.  “What?”

“David.”

“I never...”

I was fed up.  She was about to give me some lame ass excuse as to why she wasn’t as idiotic as I thought she was, and I didn’t want to hear it.  “Next time I’m not coming to save you,” I said, cutting her speech short.  “Just remember that.”

She’d gotten out of the car and stared back at me through the open doorway, but I hadn’t hesitated to reach across and slam it shut on her before she could respond to my statement.  I’d sped away, not caring that she was left standing in the middle of the road .  I just didn't care anymore, and I made a firm decision that after I talked to David, Kerri was on her own to fight her battles.  I was going to move on with my life, with my girl and my friends and be happy again.

The stranger I knew as Kerri wasn’t going to stand in my way anymore.

Thankfully, Tarin didn’t say much to me when I’d gotten back from dropping Kerri off.  When I slid back into bed with her, I heard her sigh and mumble something about it being late, but she didn’t protest when I kissed her neck a little and wrapped my arms around her.  We slept soundly through the rest of the night, and the next day had gone by without incident.  I didn’t tell her about my plan to confront David.  I figured it would only stress her out more, and that was the last thing I wanted.  I made sure to stay clear of the call center when I’d made my way into the radio station today, and for some strange reason I haven’t managed to run into Tarin or Kerri at all.  I’m thankful, but I’m still afraid that Tarin might come up here looking for an answer from David about a business related matter.  If she saw me she’d probably rip me apart, and it’s why I pushed David’s secretary so hard on the phone this morning to get me an appointment during the first free moment he had.

I stare at the cherry wood door in front of me.  The little gold sign nailed to it reads ‘David Foster, General Manager’ in fancy cursive letters.  I try to remember the last time I saw the guy, and I think it was right before Justin’s album came out.  He’d done a radio interview here, and David had been itching to get some down time with us afterwards.  We’d had a couple of beers together, and I’d basically ignored him because Elisha had been with us that day and I was caught up in the conversation we’d been having.  Justin and David have always got along famously, mostly because David has kissed his ass since the day they met in order to move his career along.  I know for a fact that Justin put a couple of good words in with Clear Channel for him a few years back, and I really wish he hadn’t.  The minute he was given the position, I know he manipulated Tarin into sleeping with him in order to keep her job and get promoted.  If I had any idea what was going on I would have helped her out, despite the fact that we weren’t really that close.  But I didn’t know, and she suffered for years because of it.

I want to kick this bastards ass.

I knock on the door two times before I slowly start to open it.  I stick my head through the opening and find him sitting at his desk, talking on his cell phone.  His eyes widen a little when he recognizes me, and he smiles, enthusiastically  motioning me forward with his free hand.  I enter the office, and make sure to close the door behind me before taking a seat across from him at his desk.

“No baby, I told you I can’t do it tonight,” he says into the phone, glancing up at me and holding a finger up signaling me to wait just a second for him.  “Because,” he laughs.  “I have to work.”

If I was really crazy I’d grab the phone from him and tell whoever it is not to bother with David, because he’ll only use her and throw her away when he’s done .  She’s not my concern though, and I know why I’m here and I really wish he’d cut his phone call short so I could get to the bottom of the situation.  I guess he notices the impatient look on my face, because he quickly gets off the phone after a few seconds and flips it closed.

“Trace.” He smiles and sticks his hand out for me to shake.  “It’s been a minute! How’ve you been?”

It takes every ounce of professionalism I’ve built up over the years to keep myself from lashing out at him.  If I was immature, or really far gone like Justin is, I can picture myself standing up and punching him in the face right about now.  But it wouldn’t solve a thing.  I’d probably get arrested for assault or something, and Tarin’s job would be finished.  “I’ve been pretty good.” I force a smile and shake his hand.  “You know, hanging in there as always.  Hows things around here?”

David knows that I’m not as clueless as I’m acting, and when he flashes me a cocky grin in response to my question, I can tell he’s not about to play games with me either.  He sits up a little, and starts to toy with a pen on his desk, spinning it around so it rotates clockwise on top of the desk.  “Business as usual,” he snickers, and looks up at me finally.  “My secretary said you really pushed to get a minute of my time today, man.  What’s goin on?”

“You know, just checking in and stuff.” I pause and look down at my hands, trying to organize my thoughts before I continue.  “How’s Kerri been working out?”

He sighs and places a hand at the side of his forehead as he leans back in his chair.  “She’s shit, and stupid as hell,” he tells me, seriously.  “Ya know, Trace, I took her on here as a favor to you.  I mean, yeah, Tarin came up here pleading with me to give her a chance, but I only did it because she brought you into the conversation and told me Kerri was a friend of yours.  I figured you’d been good to me, so I’d be good to you in return. But it’s not working out, and I wasted office time here training her.  So now...” he trails off and chuckles sadly.  “Now I feel like you owe me, Trace.”

 “I owe you?,” I scoff.  “After all the strings I pulled to get Justin in here for surprise interviews and shit when he was already overbooked?  I fuckin guaranteed your career, David.  I don’t owe you anything.”  I cross my arms, feeling myself becoming angrier with each passing second.  It’s getting harder for me to hold my aggressions back because he’s being such an asshole, and I know that he still wants to fuck my girlfriend.  “If Kerri isn’t working out then just give her a recommendation so she can transfer to another station.”

Then he smiles, and it’s a greedy, selfish smile.  I start to feel sick because I know he has an idea, and it’s one that I’m not going to like at all.  “I could do that,” he nods.  “But you know, I feel like I misplaced my contact book.  It could take a while for me to find it, and by that time I don’t think they’d have the time to even consider giving Kerri a job.  It’s going to take something big for me to spend the extra time rushing around to find it and make phone calls.”

He knows that something is looming, and I’d be stupid if I didn’t know what he was about to ask me.  For weeks now, a rumor has been spreading around that Justin is going to be giving a limited number of radio interviews to promote a new single for a deluxe edition of Justified that’s being released in a month.  It’s true too.  He’s going to be giving the interviews, two to be exact, but he hasn’t decided where he wants to go yet.  He was asking me the other day what I thought about it, but I hadn’t really known what to say.  Of course I wouldn’t mind him giving the interview here.  If I pushed really hard, Tarin could probably be the one to interview him and get her name out there to some important people.  But the thing he doesn’t know is that Kerri works here, and well...I know he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her while he was working.  It’s a shitty thing for me to even consider.  He barely talks about Kerri because I know the subject hurts him too much.  Seeing her randomly, would probably upset him a lot.  But hell, he’s an adult...we all are, and I just want David to leave Kerri the hell alone so she can move on with her life.  “What do you want?,” I ask quietly, hoping like hell he’s about to bring up something entirely different.

“Rumor has it that Justin’s label is pushing for him to give some interviews,” he says gently, as if he means no harm at all.  “It would make me look really good if Justin chose to give one of them here, Trace.  Know what I mean?”

I rub my hand over the back of my neck and look down at my lap, feeling horrible that I’m about to do this....that I’m about to betray Justin when things have been going so fucking awesome with us.  I’m putting everything on the line right now, and I know that.  It’s all for the sake of Kerri, because she fucks up and she can’t fend for herself.  

“He gives me thirty minutes or more on air, live, during the morning show, and the little bitch will be set.  She’ll be golden.” He taps his pen on the desk and looks at me seriously.  “She can pick and choose where she wants to work, I’ll even guarantee it.”

I feel sick to my stomach and I squirm uncomfortably in the leather chair.  “I’m not exactly working for Justin at the moment,” I say, as if he’ll dismiss his demands because of what I just said.

But he pretends not to notice my pathetic attempt to get out from under.  “We’ll set it up with Janice.”  He pulls out a small appointment book and jots something down in it.  “And I’m not going to wait more than a month for it.  If he decides to back out for some reason, you can find Kerri a job on your own.”  He looks up at me then, and smirks.  “Not that it’s going to be easy doing that, you know, after I fax some stuff and make a few phone calls to the other prominent radio stations in the country.”

“You’re a fuckin’ asshole,” I seeth.  

He laughs.  “Yeah I know.  Great huh?”  He opens his desk drawer and fishes out a packet of papers.  “Take these to Justin and have him go over them with his manager.  I need them back in thirty days, signed, saying he’s going to commit to the interview.”

He slides the packet across the desk and I snatch it up, disgusted.  “It’ll be done.”

“I know.” He smiles.  “That’s why I like you, Trace.  You’re always on top of shit.  Look, no hard feelings okay?  You’ve always been my boy and this is just business, that’s all.  I know you understand that.  When this is all over we should sit down and have a beer, my treat.”

I get up from the chair and just laugh at him, because he’s such a fucking idiot.  “Don’t try to kiss my ass when you’re trying to destroy Kerri’s future, David.  I’m not falling for your stupid shit anymore.  All you do is use people, and I wish that Justin could see through your fake ass, but he won’t because you’re actually civil with him.”

A sick, twisted smile forms on his lips, and he laughs a little bit.  “Aw, Trace.  You’re not pissed because Tarin still wants me are you?  I told her that you were a good guy, and that she shouldn’t be trying to get with me on the side, but you know...she doesn’t give a shit about anybody else but herself.”

I suck in a long breath.  I know he’s trying to get me to lose it, but what he doesn’t understand is that Tarin has already filled me in.  I know what he’s capable of, and despite the fact that he’d probably deny it and call Tarin a little skank, I know deep down he really wishes that she was still his to control.  “Just leave her out of this.  I’ll call Janice next week with a date.” I turn my back on him before I can rip him a new one, and head briskly towards the door, hoping like hell that he won’t say anything else to me.

“Hey, does Tarin still have that little pink number?” He calls after me. “I remember, I used to love when she would come over and fuck me with it on.  She was always so easy to get into bed.  Is she still like that...is she still a good lay Trace? Or did I fuck her too much and take the rush out of her?”

I whirl around, and before I know what’s happening I’ve come around his desk and grabbed him by the scruff of the shirt.  He can’t react because he’s in too much shock, and I slam him up against the wall, causing several of his precious framed photographs to come crashing to the ground.  “You shouldn’t talk about my girlfriend like that, man.”  I press my face close up to his, and his eyes widen with fear.  What a pussy.  “It’s not cool.”  I could knee him in the balls, but I’m not going to do it.  It’s not worth it, and so I let him go and back away from him while my emotions are still in check.

But David doesn’t relent.  He’s still angry, and before I can stop him he lunges towards me and punches me in the face, hard.  I feel my back hit the wall, and I can taste bitterness inside my mouth almost immediately.  I put a hand to my lip and when I draw it away I see the blood on my hand. I stare back at him, not being able to believe what this situation has turned into.

“Get the fuck out of my sight,” he says, breathlessly.  “I don’t want to hear from you until you have my interview ready, and it better be ready Trace.”  He straightens out his tie, and takes a seat behind his desk again.  “Don’t get blood all over my office on your way out.”

I should kick his ass.  I really should, but I know I’m better than that.  I just can’t risk something else going wrong when both Tarin and Kerri’s integrity is at stake.  Enough has happened, so I just turn and exit his office without another word.  I slam the door behind me to make a point, and approach his secretaries' desk quietly.  She stares up at me with wide eyes, obviously having overheard the commotion behind the closed door.  I grab a tissue from the box on her desk and press it to my lip.  

“Is everything okay?”

I just nod.  “Janice, I need to set up an...”

“Trace?”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I turn to face Kerri.  It’s sad but I probably would have rather dealt with Tarin at this point.  Kerri won’t know how to react.  She’ll probably freak out or something, and I don’t have the patience.  Not with a bloody lip that’s probably going to swell to a nice size by tonight.  “Not now.”  I walk away from Janice, leaving her staring after me.  It sucks because this whole scenario is going to get back to Tarin now, but I’ll think up some lame bullshit to tell her.  I know I can’t tell her about Justin and the interview.  She wouldn’t go along with it because she doesn’t like Kerri, and I have to make sure this gets done.

“Trace, wait.”  

“I gotta go.” I try to speed up my step but she keeps up with me despite her limp.

“What happened?,” she asks me, her voice trembling.  “Why are you bleeding?  Did David do that? I saw you come out of his office.”

“Keep your voice down,” I whisper harshly to her as we round the corner.  I glance around cautiously, looking for any sign of my girlfriend and when I don’t see her I breath out a sigh of relief.  “Where’s the bathroom?”

“You need to get ice on that,” she says quietly, her eyes widening a little when she gets a closer look at the damage David inflicted on me.  “Just come with me and I’ll help you.”

For the first time in I don’t even know how long, I find myself looking to Kerri for guidance.  Hell, I don’t even know why.  I know I could get out of here and fix myself up on my own, but I’m just so fucking confused.  I have this contract in my hand and I’m supposed to go manipulate Justin into coming here for an interview, when I know damn well how much seeing Kerri again will freak him out.  It’s just this connection I have with Kerri, the one I’ve always had, that’s preventing me from caring about Justin’s feelings.  I want to protect her from all this shit.  I have to.  “Tarin can’t know about this,” I whisper.

“I know.”  She reaches out and takes me by the hand, cautiously leading me down the hallway, being careful not to be seen by anyone.  We go through some side door that leads out into the parking lot, and I know that she’s gotten us out of there unnoticed.  

I find my car and lean against it.  For the first time I realize how bad my jaw is throbbing and it hurts like hell when I move it the wrong way.  I look down at my shirt, and of course there are blood stains all over it.  “Shit.”  I wipe at my mouth with the bloody tissue again, and wince a little as I close my eyes, hoping the pain will subside in a minute or two.

“Trace what the hell is going on?”

I hear her but I don’t open my eyes.  “I told you I was handling it,” I say, groaning when the pain in my jaw gets more intense.  “Fuck.”

“Get in the car.”  

“I need a minute before I drive.”

“I’ll drive.”

It gets me to open my eyes, and I glance over at her, not sure if I heard her right. “What?”

“Give me the keys, Trace!”  

Kerri hasn’t driven since her accident.  I tried to get her behind the wheel again shortly before she left to go back to Tennessee with her folks, but she freaked out and told me it was too scary...that it brought back too many bad memories and she couldn’t do it.  For awhile I understood, but then it sort of became a little lame.  The Kerri I’d always known had been stronger than that, and I guess it’s why I’ve always felt a little funny about her accident.  I know it must have been scary, and she’d been through a lot besides that, but I don’t know....something never sat right with me about how that night went down.  A good part of me feels like she shouldn’t be as fucked up as she is about it.  “Are you sure?”

She holds out her hand.  “I’m tired of being a weak little shit.”

I’m taken back a little by her response, because it’s something she would have said to me about a year ago, before the kidnapping, when she was annoyed about the way things were going.  I smile, but then flinch when the pain shoots through my jaw.  “Here.” I toss her the keys and we get into my car.  I buckle myself into the passenger seat and look over at her.  She’s gripping the steering wheel tightly now that she’s started up the car, and I’m sure that she’s nervous as hell right now.  “Kerri, you don’t have to do this...”

“Yes I do!,” she exclaims.  “I’m tired, Trace.  I’m tired of you hating me and...and I’m tired of letting people walk all over me and treating me like a useless piece of garbage! Do you know what I’ve been doing all day? I’ve been cleaning out closets and emptying garbage cans, all because I wouldn’t sleep with that...asshole.”  She leans back in her seat and wipes the tears out of her eyes angrily.  “Now tell me what happened up there!”

I stare at her, completely dumbfounded.  In a sense this is what I’ve been waiting for.  She’s sort of breaking away from that weird person that I’ve come to loathe for the moment.  I don’t know how long it will last for, but I won’t take it for granted.  “I don’t hate you,” I say gently.  “I just miss the girl I used to know.  It’s not your fault, Kerri.  I wish you could change but you can’t, and that’s been really hard for me to accept.”

She doesn’t really respond, she just sort of nods and her eyes wander from my face, to the rolled up papers in my hand.  “What is that?”

“Nothing.”  I quickly tuck the contract underneath my leg.  “Let’s go before somebody comes out here and finds us.”

“Trace, I know something happened up there.  I’m not stupid.  David punched you and he gave you those papers so that has to mean something.  Stop....stop hiding things from me.”

I can’t just tell her about the interview.  This is regarding Justin.  She doesn't discuss Justin with me and I dont bring him up because she can’t handle it well.  Telling her about the deal I just made upstairs will destroy her.  She’ll quit her job before I have the chance to do anything, and then my fat lip will have been for nothing.  “Can you just not worry about it?,” I beg her.  “Just leave it alone.”

“No.”  Her tone is serious, and menacing.  “You’re going to tell me what happened, Trace.  Right now.”

“Or what?”

“Do you want Tarin to know about this?”

I glare at her.  “That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah well, you already know that I’m fucked up, Trace.  You can just add this scenario to the pile the next time you think about it.”  She sighs and reaches into the middle console, and fishes out a fresh kleenex.  “Here, you’re bleeding again.”

I groan and hold it to my lip.  “David wants Justin at the station for an interview,” I blurt out after a moment.  “He said that if I get him the interview, he’ll get you into whatever radio station you want, no questions asked.  So I said I’d set it up.  Then he started saying some crazy shit about Tarin so...things sort of escalated.  He was just too quick for me.  I never saw his fist coming at me until it was too late.”

It’s deathly quiet for a few minutes.  Kerri grips the steering wheel tightly and stares straight ahead.  She doesn’t drive like she said she was going to.  I don’t think she can.  She’s shocked, and upset and becoming more fucked up by the second  “You just agreed to do that?”

“What else am I suppose to do, Ker? Let you clean out closets while he ruins your reputation?  You don’t deserve it.  Too much has happened, and I’m not just going to let you fall through the cracks.  Hell, at times I want to girl.  You make me want to.  But I can’t do it because I care about you too much.”

“I can’t face him,” she whispers, shaking her head roughly  “Trace, I can’t do it.”

“Why not?,” I scoff.  “I did it.  Fuck he told me he wished I was dead, Kerri.  Fuckin’ dead, and now we’re cool again.  Can’t you just suck the bad shit up for a day and tolerate him? I mean, it’s for your futures sake, so grow up a little bit.  You don’t have to talk to him. You’ll just be in the same building with him, and if you run into him so what? Act like an adult and say hey, tell him you’re doing better because you are, and that will be that.”

“Don’t you understand?,” she cries.  “I can’t do it.  I’m afraid.”

“Of what? He’s not deranged.  It’s only Justin, and I know things were fucked up for awhile but he’s changing...he’s getting better all the time and...”

“Trace.”

She stares at me with wide, intense eyes and it stops me from continuing on with my Justin crusade.  Her face is pale now, like the life has been drained from her.  She really does look terrified and I have so many questions right now that I don’t have the answers to.  It’s annoying the fuck out of me.

“You can’t go back and hold it against him,” she says, trying hard not break down crying in front of me.  “You have to promise me that you won’t say anything to him.”

I’m so confused right now that I wish I would have been able to ditch her inside the office.  Then I wouldn’t be as confused, just stressed out as fuck about what I have to do.  “What are you talkin about?”

“Promise me,” she repeats, her voice cracking slightly.  

I glance down at my lap, before looking back into her eyes again.  “I promise.”

“The night I got into the accident, when I went to Justin’s to get my things...he came home as I was about to leave,” she tells me, her expression growing more intense with each word.

I feel a sinking feeling form in the pit of my stomach.  “But you said...”r32;
“I know what I said,” she sniffles.  “And I never wanted to tell anyone about this.  I just...I wanted to protect him if I could because...because I still loved him, Trace.  He’d been through enough.”

I shake my head, not really being able to comprehend her excuses.  “Okay...”

“He was drunk, and I just, I don’t know.  I was there and it was like he blacked out or something.  He--he started hitting me and punching me...kicking me.  He was blaming me for everything that had happened.  He said he wished that Shane had killed me because he would have been better off.  Then he threw me into a wall and he wouldn’t stop hitting me until I screamed at him so loud that it broke through to him.  It was fucking horrible Trace, and when I left there I was so bloody and so out of it that I could barely concentrate on anything when I was driving. It was raining and I was crying, and I lost control of the car.  That’s what happened, and I’m sorry.  I’m sorry that I couldn’t tell you and that I’ve made your life a living hell for all these months.”

She begins to sob and quiver, and all I can seem to do is sit here and stare at her.  I just...I haven’t been able to understand her all these months.  I didn’t understand why she was so fucked up over petty shit, and over Justin being gone.  I figured if anything, she had a right to be angry but not so damn emotional to the point that I couldn’t even mention his name around her without some serious consequences. Everything makes sense now though.  Kerri’s sudden attitude change and withdrawal from the human race is understandable because she had nobody she could really trust besides me.  She didn’t know who could suddenly snap on her after what Justin did.  And Justin didn’t come to the hospital because he knew there was no way he could without somebody finding out what had really happened.  It terrifies me, and makes me want to go home and kick the living shit out of him for destroying Kerri’s emotional state of mind,   but I made a promise just now.  One that I know I can’t break, because she trusted me enough to tell me all of this.  I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know I’m not going to be able to look at Justin the same way.  I know he had freaked and hit Cameron, and he’d hit Kerri once too, but I never thought he was capable of the things Kerri just described to me.

It’s no wonder he’d isolated himself for all those months.  He wasn’t afraid of the world.  He was ashamed of what he’d become.  

“You should have told me,” I say, managing to remain calm as I look over at her again.  “I could have helped you.”  I reach over and take her hand, smoothing my thumb over the top of it gently.

“No.”  She sucks in her lower lip and shakes her head.  “If I’d said something then, it only would have made things worse.  You and Justin are okay now, and you need each other.  Dont’ sit here and tell me that you don’t need him either, because I’ve known the both of you my entire life.  You can’t survive without each other, and if nothing else I’m glad that...by keeping this to myself, you guys have a second chance at friendship.”

“So that’s it?,” I say, letting out a sad laugh.  “I’m suppose to just say okay, and forget it ever happened?  How can you expect me to just overlook it, Ker?  He fuckin...”

“It has nothing to do with you,” she informs me.  “This is between me and Justin and nobody else needs to get involved.  I didn’t have a choice but to tell you, because I really am terrified of seeing him again.  But...but if David is as driven to destroy my life as you say he is, I guess I’m going to have to grow up a little and overlook certain things.  It’s time I started to do that, you know?”

It’s always when I think I’ve lost my last ounce of hope for the girl, that she takes me by surprise.  I always think she’s so damn weak, and she’s really not...she’s just not as confident as she should be.  It makes her shrink down into a shell of a person who hides herself away from the world.  But in moments like this, when she has to force herself to act like an adult, her strong personality really starts to shine through.  “You gotta do it,” I say softly.  “If you don’t, you’re never going to be able to live your life.”

It’s silent again, and after a moment she puts the car into gear and drives off.  I’m a little scared at first, and I think she is too, but she doesn’t ask me for guidance or start to freak out.  And I’m proud of her.  So proud of her for just...busting through her barriers and taking control of a bad situation for once in her life.  In another time, another life maybe, without complication and other stupid shit I know I could really love her.  But it’s not meant to be.  

We pull up to my condo twenty minutes later and I let us inside.  She has me sit on the couch while she fixes an ice pack, and sighs heavily once she comes back over to me and takes a good look at my lip.  “This is going to get worse before it gets better,” she mutters, handing me the ice pack and sitting down on the couch with me.  “Does it hurt a lot?”

I shrug.  “It’s kinda numb right now,” I chuckle.

“Good,” she smiles.  “Otherwise I would have kneed you in the balls to get your mind off of it.”

“Hey!,” I laugh.  “That’s totally fucked up of you.”

She nudges me a little and flips the TV on with a wide smile.  “I don’t really care, T.  There’s a method to my madness.”

She hasn’t called me that in almost a year, and I feel my stomach begin to ache with memories of the past.  Its’ not fair that this is how life would be right now if the kidnapping hadn’t taken place.  She’d still be my best friend, sitting next to me on the couch watching TV.  I wish I could freeze time, because if I did, everything would be exactly the way I want it.  Kerri would be sane, I’d have a great relationship, and Justin...

Well okay.  Life wouldn’t be so perfect.  

Because I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to look at him the same way now that I know what he did.

“You’re not going to say anything to Justin,” Kerri speaks up about halfway through the sitcom she’s been watching.  “Right?”

I sigh and rub my hands together.  “That’s a lot to ask of me, you know?”

She shrugs.  “I don’t want this to come down on him.”

“Why the hell not?” I sneer.  “Look at you Kerri.  You basically had a mental breakdown, and you can’t even walk properly because of what he did.  How am I not supposed to resent him?  How am I supposed to go hang out with him like everything is just great, when it’s so fucking far from that?  He hasn’t even attempted to apologize.  Maybe if he had....”

“I wouldn’t have been able to deal with that!,” she yells at me.  “Trace, I’m trusting you to do this for me.  I need you to be strong, and be his friend, because he needs you.  You tell me how much he’s changing for the better.  He hasn’t been able to do that since everything happened, and I don’t need to be the cause of him falling apart again.”

“What about you?,” I snap.  “What about your happiness?”

She gets distant for a moment, looking out at the far wall like she knows something that nobody else does.  “I’m going to be okay,” she nods.  “Things are starting to change for me too.  I think David was sort of a wake up call for me, you know?  It made me realize that I can’t let people intimidate me, and that I’m smarter than I think I am.  I can do anything I want, I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m not going to just sit around and waste away because of the shit that I’ve been through.  It’s not worth it anymore, Trace.”  

She leans to the side, letting her body rest against my own, and I put an arm around her.  This whole day has been so awkward, but somehow...I know she’s right.  She will be okay, and I think that when Justin comes to the radio station, she’ll be able to take it in stride.  Not that he will, but oh well.  It’s payback for being a psycho, and I have no sympathy for him.  “I miss this,” I tell her softly, giving her a gentle kiss on the side of her head.

She smiles up at me.  “Me too, but we won’t be doing it very often if Tarin has anything to say about it.”

I sigh.  “She’ll get over her issues with you.”

She rolls her eyes.  “She knocked my trash bin over this morning when I was cleaning out a desk.”

I give her a weird look.  “Are you kidding me?”

She shakes her head.

“She just doesn’t get it,” I say, only half defending the girl that I love.  “She doesn’t know you and she’ll never understand you.”

“I don’t really care,” Kerri chuckles.  “Going to work there for me, is just to have extra money in my pocket.  I don’t care what anybody thinks of me anymore.  If Tarin wants to act like she’s better than me, that’s just fine.”

“She can be a bitch, but I love ‘er.” I shrug, looking down at my hands.  “I thought I loved Elisha, but... I just feel so much differently when it comes to Tarin.  We have this connection or something.  I don’t know.  I hate all that mushy crap.”

She laughs at me.  “I know you do.” She nods. “And I want you to be happy, Trace.  Things are changing, and we’re never going to be the same friends we were before.  As long as I know you’re doing okay, and I get to see you every once in awhile....I think I can learn to handle the change.”

“I don’t want things to change,” I whisper, glancing at her from the corner of my eye.  “I never did.”

She plants a kiss on my cheek and gets up quickly.  “That’s life,” she tells me, shrugging as she shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans.  “And it’s taken me too long to realize that shit has to change in life.  But I know it now and...all we can do is move on and try to make the best of the situation.  Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do about Justin being around at the station, but I’m thankful you told me.  At least now I can prepare myself for it, and I’m going to do the best I can to take it in stride.  It’s a goal...Susan wants us to make goals for ourselves and up until now I haven’t really been able to think up a good one.  I’m a little interested to see how I do.”

Of course I’m shocked she hasn’t turned this into one big drama fest.  The fact that she’s handling this situation so well tells me that despite what I’ve thought, Kerri is actually growing up a little...that the group home is working for her  The fact that she wants to try to battle her fear of Justin, is proving to me that she’s not hopelessly insane, and I think I’ll be able to sleep better at night now because of that.  Suddenly I remember the wedding, and the fact that it’s only a couple of weeks away.  I realize I haven’t had the chance to discuss it with Kerri yet, and I have no idea if she’s going or not.  “Are you going home for the wedding?”

Her small smile fades away and she sighs heavily.  “I have to.  I think my father would disown me otherwise.”

“Add that as a goal,” I chuckle.  “A goal for us to get through the week without killing ourselves or fighting.”  

She groans.  “I’m just going to stay out of the way.  I know that nobody wants me around anyway.”

“I want you there.” I manage to half smile.  I really do mean it, although my actions lately are probably making her second guess me right now.  “I can talk to Lynn.  You know, I know she doesn’t hold as much against you as she thinks.  Maybe it’s time for you guys to talk about things.”

“I don’t want any part of it, Trace,” she says sadly.  “If you want to hang out with me that’s cool, but...I just don’t have the mental capacity to do any ass kissing or proving of myself.  You shouldn’t worry about me anyway.  You’re bringing Tarin down right? I’m sure you’ll want to introduce her around and such...let the family get to know her.  I’ll get in the way.”

“Christ, Ker.  You act like you don’t know these people.  You grew up with us, and they’re a part of your life whether you like it or not.  I know my mom would  want to see you regardless.  Brittany and Brant would too.  They ask about you still, despite what you think.”

I’m telling her this because it’s the truth.  I’ve been too aggravated with Kerri’s situation to care lately, but my mother has been asking about her a lot.  She doesn’t really care about Lynn’s opinions of her, because she knows that Kerri and I have always been close and that I care about her.  Hell, if it was up to her she would have forced me to date the girl too.  She’d be a lot more accepting of that relationship I’m sure, and part of me wonders if I tried pushing myself on Kerri in the beginning just to make her happy.  

But what right did I have to do that to Kerri, when she clearly didn’t have those kind of feelings for me in the first place?  All it really did was confuse her, and now that I think about it...if I hadn’t went there with all of my “feelings” for Kerri, I doubt that her and Tarin would have any issues.  Yes, once again I’m a fuck up.  But I’m not going to sit around and cry about it.

“I don’t know if Tarin’s coming with me or not,” I finally  tell her.  “It’s not the easiest situation in the world, because you know my mom.  She thinks every girl I date is trashy.  Remember when I first brought Elisha around?”

“Oh man,” she laughs heartily, remembering.  “She asked me if she was in a “nude video”.”

I shake my head.  “I will never live that one down.  Justin will never let me live that one down.”

“She went on google,” Kerri says, still laughing.  “When Justin and I stood there and were trying to tell her that 24 was a drama and not something on the Spice network, she didn’t believe us.”

“Well it would help if she watched network TV once in a while,” I grunt.  

“I love your mom.  She’s so cute with her bible study time and tabloid magazines.” She smiles.  “I should talk to her more.  I think she’s one of the only people back home that doesn’t hold a grudge against me.”

I roll my eyes.  “It’s Millington.  They hold grudges against everyone Ker, you know that.  But they’re going to be so far up Justin’s ass all week long, I doubt they’ll have time to give you shit for anything.  You shouldn’t worry about it.”

“I guess.” Her carefreeness fades after a moment, and she looks almost sad.  I guess we’ve conjured up some memories today that are pretty painful.  When I’d first gotten with Elisha, it had been right before Justin and Kerri had stopped talking.  That summer had been a good one...a fun one.  But mistakes had been made and they paid the price.  Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if they’d never slept together.  How much different would life have been for the three of us?  Would Justin and Kerri be saner now or worse off because they would have been so close at the time of the kidnapping? I probably shouldn’t think about what if though.  It only brings me down and makes me want things that can never be.

I should just be thankful that both of my friends are alive, even if they have to relive their nightmares everyday.

“We can fly down together,” I suggest brightly, trying to lighten the mood.  

“What about Tarin?”

I shrug.  “If Tarin comes, she’ll have to deal with it.  I feel like her and I are going to be in this for the long run, and if that’s the case she’s going to have to tolerate you, Kerrigan.  As much as you and I fight, I still care about you and I’m not going to make you fly home by yourself, all nervous and shit.  I know you wouldn’t do that to me.”

She sighs and lets out a sad laugh.  “I don’t have a reason to do that to you.”

“Look, I understand what happened to you now.  You can’t be blamed for the stupid shit you’ve done because you’ve been confused,” I tell her.  I want her to understand that I was confused for awhile because I didn’t know the full story.  Now that I do, everything about the girl is coming into focus, and I really wished it hadn’t taken so long for her to tell me.  But I guess everything happens for a reason.  If she had told me what Justin did, I doubt that I would have been pushed to get her into a group therapy program.  Actually I’d probably still be living her life for her, and destroying my own chances at happiness.  Everything is going to start working itself out now, and I know that.  But fuck, why did we all have to suffer so much to get to this point?

“I want to move on, Trace,” she says quietly, not quite meeting my gaze.  “I want my life back.”

I half smile.  “Me too.”

“I’ve been seeing Cooper a lot more,” she says nervously.  “After the trip home, I might move in with him and his family for a while.”

I sit up quickly, the concern automatically spreading across my face.  Is she kidding?  She barely knows that guy and she’s only just begun to heal.  How can she pick up and move into a strangers home?  “You can’t be serious.”

“I know you think it’s a crazy idea, Trace.  But he really gets me, and I really get him.  I think I’m starting to care about him a lot and...”

“You’ve just started to get back on your feet,” I grunt at her.  “You think moving into this guys house is going to help move you in the right direction?  Fuck, what if he hurts you or meets somebody else?  You don’t know what could happen.”

She crosses her arms.  “I thought I could talk to you about this.”

“You can,” I nod.  “And I’m telling you that it’s a bad idea.”

“Why can’t you just come and meet him?,” she pleads with me, a hopeful longing in her eyes.  “You don’t even want to give him a chance or see the kind of person he is.”

“He’s not a part of this,” I say automatically.  “How do I know he’s not out to get something from you or use you for sex?”

“Tarin isn’t a part of this either,” she snaps, shooting me a cold glare.  “But she’s practically a part of your family now.  That’s just fine though right? You know, because you always make the right decisions about people, and I just fuck up constantly.”

I sigh harshly and start to rub my face with my hands, until I touch my lip and remember the swelling, wincing when the pain shoots through my jaw again.  I look back at her, and she’s still glaring at me.  Maybe I’m taking this the wrong way.  Of course she’s right about the fact that I don’t know this Cooper guy all that well, but it scares me that she’s considering moving in with him so quickly.  I may fuck up from time to time, but Kerri has been emotionally unstable for months now and I don’t know if I can trust her judgment when it comes to choosing a boyfriend at the moment.  But I also know that this guy seems to mean a lot to her, and I guess they’ve been seeing each other a lot more than I realize.  If I was her best friend I would do what she’s asking of me and meet him properly.  “Would it really mean that much to you if I met him?”

“Yeah,” she mutters.  “It would actually.”

I know I don’t want to, because I don’t trust the guy, but Kerri seems so dead set on getting me getting to know him a little bit that I can’t just tell her no.  It’s important to her I guess, and I know that she really hasn’t had anything going on in her life that’s meant a lot to her in awhile. I’ll do it, but if the guy gets out of line I won’t hesitate to let him know exactly how I feel about the situation.  “Just tell me when,” I say a little reluctantly.  “We can have dinner or something.”

“And Tarin doesn’t have to come.”

I roll my eyes.  That was a statement not a question, but I’d be lying to myself if I said that Tarin would handle the situation just fine.  “No, she doesn’t have to come,” I say gently.  

She smiles just slightly. “Well good. I’ll talk to him and let you know when’s a good time.  He has school, so it would have to coincide with that.”

I nod a little.  I know I could probably ask her what he’s going to school for or something, but I’m not really interested in talking about the subject anymore.  The effects of today are sinking in quickly.  I got punched in the face by a manipulative asshole, and Kerri told me something that before today I never, ever thought was possible.  I find myself wondering how the hell I’m going to be civil for my girlfriend later on today, and not reveal anything to her, but it’s going to be hard once she sees my face.  I know if Tarin found out what was going on she would go to David and tell him off because she feels that it’s her right.  But I can’t risk anything at this point.  Kerri needs to get the hell out of that place, with a good job waiting for her on the other side.  Since it’s all up to me now, I know I’ll do whatever I can to make sure it works out properly.  I really don’t give a shit if Justin gets hurt in the process either.

He deserves it.

“How’s your lip feel?,” she asks me, probably sensing how awkwardly silent our conversation has become.  

I shrug.  “I’ll be fine.  How about I get you home, huh?  Tarin’s coming home soon and I need to get my head together before she does.”

“She just comes here after work everyday?,” she questions me with a disapproving look.

“Yeah, so?”

She shrugs.  “Just seems a little soon for that is all.”

I roll my eyes and get up from the sofa, grabbing amy keys off the side table beside the couch.  “Who are you to talk?  You’re planning on moving in with a complete stranger.  I know you don’t like her Kerri, but honestly my relationship with her is none of your business.”

She nods.  “Guess not.”

I sigh heavily, grabbing a fresh ice pack out of the freezer before we walk out to my car again.  I hold it to my lip as we walk, just knowing that no matter what, I’m going to have to explain my injury to Tarin.  I don’t want to lie to her, but at the same time I know she’ll hate the truth just as much.  It’s confusing and part of me wishes I could crawl into a hole until this whole thing blows over, but I know that’s not possible either.  Kerri gets into the passenger seat, and I drive this time, figuring it will be faster and there won’t be any room for distractions.  Halfway back to Susans, I get a text message from Tarin asking me where I am because she got out of work early and wanted to spend some time with me.

“Here.”  I hand my phone to Kerri who up until now had been staring blankly out the passenger window.  “Do me a favor.  Text Tarin and tell her I’m with my sister but I’ll be home in a bit,”

Kerri slowly takes the phone from me, giving me a look of disbelief as she does so.  “Why can’t you just tell her that you’re with me?”

“I don’t feel like getting into a fight with her, that’s why.  It’s bad enough that she flipped out on me the other night when I left to pick you up from that club.  Things are okay, and I’d like for them to stay that way.  Just cut me a break, okay?”

She shakes her head in disgust but she does what I’ve asked of her.  “That’s really lame, Trace.  You’ve known me your whole life, and there’s no reason why you should be hiding our friendship from her.  If she doesn’t like it, tough.”

“You haven’t exactly been civil with her, or attempted to be,” I snap.  “She thinks things about you that aren’t necessarily true, but it’s hard as fuck to sway her once her mind is made up about something.  She’ll come around, but for right now this is the way things are.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you, I just don’t feel like getting yelled at anymore this week.”

“I’d never do that to you,” she mutters.

“You don’t know that for sure.  Hell if Cooper doesn’t like me after we meet, I want to see what you do.”

She crosses her arms stubbornly.  “I’d tell him that you were my friend and he would have to deal with it.”

I take my eyes off the road quickly, and shoot her a skeptical glance.  “Yeah.  We’ll see.”

She turns her attention away from me, and stares out the window for the rest of the trip.  Yeah I know she’s not happy about my decision to lie to Tarin about our friendship, but I really don’t care.  I’m trying to make a relationship work despite all the stupid shit going on in my life, and if Kerri can’t understand that I’m not going to take the time begging and pleading with her to change her mind.  Yeah, she’s my friend.  Probably my best friend aside from Justin, and I know shit has gone wrong in her life...really wrong, but I can’t sacrifice my happiness because of it.  I’m just learning how to balance my life between Kerri’s shit, Justin’s shit, and my girlfriend’s opinions of it, and it’s working.  So I’m not going to let anybody get in the way of my methods.

I drop her off, and she barely says goodbye to me as she slams the car door and heads into the house.  I feel like I should go after her, but I don’t.  I know Tarin is waiting for me, and I have to concentrate my efforts on explaining my fat lip to her, even though I know I’ll only end up telling her the truth in the end.

Twenty minutes later I walk into my condo to find Tarin and a couple of her friends sitting in a circle in the middle of my living room floor.  Magazines and various articles of clothing are scattered around them, along with a couple of bottles of liquor.  I had no idea that she was having a get together tonight, especially at my house, and I can’t deny the fact that I’m slightly annoyed.  This is probably the worst day possible for me to have to deal with her friends.

I let the door close behind me and toss my keys down onto the table next to the couch.   Their heads immediately turn to face my direction and the shocked expressions on their faces are telling me that my lip is a lot worse than I originally thought it was.

“Oh my god.” Tarin drops the magazine in her hand and stands up, her mouth hanging open slightly in shock.  “Baby, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later.”  I walk past the group and into my bedroom, standing before the full length mirror that in the corner of the room.  I had forgotten about the blood on my shirt.  Now that it’s dry it looks like I was shot because it had dripped down, leaving trails of it from my neck line down to the hem of my shirt.  I take a good look at my face and it’s no wonder I shocked the hell out of them, because the right half of my mouth looks like some sort of mutant life form now.  I sigh heavily and rub a hand over my head and downt he back of my neck before I take a step backwards and let myself fall onto my bed.  “Fuck.”

I heard the bedroom door close about five minutes later, and soft footsteps indicate to me that Tarin has come to see me.  I roll over on my side and groan, not wanting to deal with it.  My head is pounding now, probably due to the stress of everything and right now the only thing I want to think about is sleep.

“Trace.”

“Go have fun with your friends,” I speak up after a moment.

“What happened to you?”

I feel her hand rubbing my back a moment later, and it makes me want to pull her to me and kiss her for an hour.  But I can’t.  Now isn’t the time for that, and I’m too tired to move, or even think for that matter.

“Janice told me some crazy story that you and David were fighting but I didn’t believe her,” she whispers.  “I told her that you...you weren’t even at the station today.  You would have called.”

I don’t answer her because I know that no matter what I say she’s going to get pissed off.  I’m not in the mood, and I know that I’ll yell at her when I really don’t want to right now.

“Trace tell me you didn’t get into a fight with David.”

I still don’t answer her.

“Don’t ignore me!” She yells after a minute.  “I swear to god I’ll walk out of here right now!”

I knew this would happen.  I just knew it.  Fucking Janice and her gossip has landed me right where I didn’t want to be.  I’d bitch her out, but I’m sure that wouldn’t solve a thing.  With a grunt, I reluctantly turn over to face Tarin.  I expect to find her staring at me coldly with her arms crossed, ready to scream at me for acting like an asshole.  But she’s not doing that.  She’s got her hand covering her mouth and she’s crying.

She’s worried sick.

“I went there to talk business and he started bad mouthing you,” I explain to her, knowing its only a half truth.  “What was I supposed to do?”

“Walk away,” she sobs.  “It doesn’t matter what he says about me.  You can’t let your pride get in the way so much...it’s what he wants you to do.  Look at you.  He made a mess.”

I sit up and shift myself to the edge of the bed.  “It’s just a bruise.  It’s not that serious.”  I pull my shirt up over my head and toss it on the floor someplace, before opening the nightstand drawer and yanking a fresh undershirt out of it.  

“What business did you go to talk about with him?,” she says, her voice still shaking.  “I swear to god, if this is about Kerri...”