I wake up in a daze. At first, I have no idea where I am and my heart starts to race. This wasn’t planned, and I’m almost terrified. I sit straight up and frantically look around the room for an answer, and the mystery is solved immediately when I spot Justin and Trace passed out in the center of the room, empty cans of beer surrounding them like a fort. I slap a hand on my forehead and shake my head. When did Justin get drunk? More so, when the hell did I fall asleep? Then...I sort of remember Tarin giggling in my face, shaking a bottle of Pinot Noir in front of me. It had been years since I’d had some wine, but I did remember how much I’d loved to drink it with my friends in college. Yeah, I totally had a glass...
Or two.
Maybe even more.
Meanwhile, I guess Justin and Trace resorted to raiding the refrigerator, making sure to “clear it out” so Tarin could put the leftovers away. It’s not going to be pretty when they wake up, there must be at least twenty beer cans on the floor, not counting the ones that were drank before and during dinner.
“Well shit.”
I look up and see Tarin staggering into the living room. Her curly hair springs out in every direction, and she looks like she’s had quite the night.
“Have they been out here all night?” she asks me, seemingly confused out of her mind.
I shrug. “I dunno. I can’t even remember passing out, Tarin.”
She laughs. “Oh that’s right. That third glass of wine did you in. You and Justin made out like animals for awhile. Then you fell asleep and the boys went in the kitchen and drank beers. I went and laid down but Trace but came into the bedroom around midnight and we had the best sex ever. I didn’t even realize how drunk he was,” she laughs and sighs, sounding completely content with her life. “He’s a crazy one.”
I nod a little bit, not at all surprised that Trace had drunk sex with his girlfriend last night. What I am surprised about, is that I got a little drunk last night, and Justin well...he got completely trashed. It’s not like him at all, but I guess since Trace announced his new role in Justin’s career they both felt the need to celebrate. I’m not mad at Justin or anything, but it does make me feel somewhat uneasy that he and I were ‘making out like animals’. That’s definitely not me. I mean, I don’t know if he’s going to remember or not but if he does he might think that I’m like that all the time. That he can get me drunk and I’ll just do whatever with him. I wish I hadn’t been so naive as to how the alcohol would effect me. I mean, anything could have happened. What if I’d been so out of it that we’d gone into one of the bedrooms and had sex? I never would have been able to get over it, and the entire moment Justin and I shared last night on the deck would have been for nothing.
But maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself...with good cause of course. This whole thing is life altering for me. If Susan were aware of what I did last night, I think she’d probably call me irresponsible.
But what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
“So,” Tarin continues. “What do you want to do today? Those two will be out for a good part of the morning, so I thought we could hit up the mall...maybe have something to eat and bring them back some hangover food.”
“Oh...” I trail off. I hadn’t really planned on going anywhere with her. I figured the minute Justin came to he would turn into a whiney bastard, and I’d have to wait on him hand and foot. “I don’t know. We don’t have to go anywhere, really. When Justin wakes up...”
“When Justin wakes up he can take care of himself,” she interrupts with a small laugh. “You gotta have some time for yourself too, Mel. Now come on. You can borrow some of my clothes and shower, then we can head out.”
She grabs me by the hand and helps me to get up from the couch. I feel slightly woozy at first, but then I force my legs to move and I feel a little bit better as the blood starts flowing again . “No more wine,” I groan, tiredly.
She laughs. “Yeah, I figured you were a light weight.”
I follow her into the bedroom, absolutely amazed that she’s not the least bit hungover from all the wine she drank last night. “How many glasses of wine did you have last night, Tarin?”
She tosses me a pair of jeans and a tee shirt from a drawer, before turning around to face me. “Oh I only had half a glass,” she says quickly. “I wasn’t really feeling up to drinking myself into a oblivion. It was fun watching you guys though.” She smirks at me and heads to the door again. “Go take a shower and I’ll see you in a bit. I’m going to go and try to peel the boys off the carpet.”
I laugh my way into the shower, letting my mind drift as the warm water hits my skin and the steam surrounds me. I keep thinking about Justin, the way he kissed me and smiled at me. How safe I felt in his arms, and how I never wanted to let him go. I can’t help but worry how long this is all going to last. If he’s really ready for me and if I’m really ready to cave in and let somebody else make me happy. I don’t have an answer to that right now, and while I’d normally give up I just can’t do it with him.
He means too much to me now.
The shower leaves me feeling refreshed, and I enter the living room again with a smile on my face instead of a confused expression. Trace is laying on the couch, and Tarin is pressing a cool washcloth to his forehead. He seems a little bit out of it but otherwise okay, and once he sees me he confirms this theory by smiling at me a little and saying hi. “Hey.” I answer him softly, before eyeing the other man sprawled out on the floor. Justin is curled up, clutching his stomach and groaning softly. I sigh. I would have been able to warn him if I hadn’t decided to drink that wine, Now I feel responsible, but when Tarin clears her throat and I look over at her I can tell she doesn’t want me to feel that way. I guess in her mind, Justin is a big boy and deal with the consequences of getting trashed.
I know she has a point.
“Mel,” Justin whines from his spot on the floor. “Fuck, I feel so sick.”
I can’t help myself. I really do feel bad for him, because I care about him and I hate to see him so miserable. Sighing, I make my way over to him and kneel down beside him, touching his face gently. “Do you want me to bring you home?”
“Oh no.” I hear Tarin say from somewhere behind me. “We’re going out, Justin. You’re not going to ruin our plans. Just go lay in one of the bedrooms, and we’ll be back later.”
“Girls day out.” Trace mumbles. “Are y’all gonna make out?”
I turn and see him laughing, but Tarin is just shooting him a dirty look.
“You’re still drunk aren’t you?,” she says to him.
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I feel good though.”
She rolls her eyes, seemingly disappointed in her boyfriend. I can’t really form an opinion because I’ve never seen Trace or Justin trashed before. But something tells me neither of them have done this in awhile, and I’m not really sure if they were just celebrating something last night...or trying to drink their problems away. Its’ not my place to be wondering these things though, and when Justin pulls on my hand I’m thankful to have a distraction from the situation.
“Where are you guys going? Can you bring me back a burger?”
He’s really cute when he’s hungover and I peck him gently on the forehead before smiling back at him. “Yeah, of course I will. We’re just going to the mall, but we won’t be all that long.”
“Oh don’t put the baby act on for her,” Tarin says, coming up beside me and placing her hands on her hips. “You’re fine, Justin. I’ve seen you after a night of really hard partying and you weren’t this bad off. A handful of beers didn’t kill you. Suck it up.”
He glares up at her. “What do you know? I haven’t drank like this in a long time.”
“Go have some water.” She rolls her eyes. “Come on, Mel.”
I rise to my feet, but don’t hesitate to look back at Justin, the concern about him being hungover not being able to escape my mind. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry, just go ahead.” He waves me away with his hand. “Have fun, go shopping. You deserve it.” He coughs and clears his throat a little bit. “I’ll see you later on.”
“Mel!”
I whirl around and Tarin is staring at me impatiently. I my gaze falls on Trace briefly and I laugh when I see him passed out cold. I quickly follow her out the door, and soon I find myself buckled into her Mustang. It’s a car that screams Tarin. It’s wild and sexy just like she is, and I find myself wishing I had her spunk...her spontaneity. I think I could too, I just need a little bit to get back into the swing of things. I can almost remember the person I used to be now. Popular, funny, well liked. She needs to be brought out into the spotlight again, and I think with Tarin’s help...with Justin’s love, she very well could be in a few short months.
We’ve been driving for a short while when I hear Tarin ask me a question that I’d normally be really uncomfortable with otherwise.
“Girl, have you ever kissed Justin before?”
I stare at her like a deer in headlights, not really knowing what to say. I’ve sort of been in a daze the whole time I’ve been in the car with her, my mind drifting back to the thoughts of last night, and Justin’s smile. I really need to stop. It’s starting to effect how I function and it’s only been one night. “Um...”
“Come on girl,” Tarin cackles. “I know aren’t that hung over. Are you and Justin a thing? Or was last night some sudden thing that left you all freaked out?”
I stare at her for awhile, and I know she thinks I’m a weirdo because I know I’m looking at her like she has three heads. “We...” I begin, nervously. “Well, we, we’re...um, you know...”
“Oh my god,” she smiles and removes one of her hands from the steering wheel so she can cover her mouth for a moment. “That was the first time you kissed wasn’t it!”
She’s excited like a teenager would be, but I guess I shouldn’t expect anything less of her. Tarin is very...hyper. So hyper that it scares me to think about what she was like as a hormonal teenager. The funny thing is, she’d normally be the type of girl I couldn’t stand but for some reason...since I’m such an outcast of the human race, I’m learning to tolerate her more and more everyday. I can pretty much call her a close friend of mine now, and while that’s really weird, I’m not going to think negative about it. My life is changing a hell of a lot and it’s something I just have to accept and go with.
“Seriously,” she continues with a smile. “After Britney, none of us ever thought he’d be the same.”
I’m confused for a moment. “Britney?”
She narrows her eyes. “Come on.”
Oh. Spears. Right. I mean yeah of course I knew about that whole break up thing between them. How could I not when my roommate, Chrstine, was so dead set on making me a die hard Britney fan before we graduated. I remember we had been studying for midterms the night that some awards show was on tv, and she made us stop everything to watch Britney Spears dance around the stage half naked. I’d never been one to buy into that sort of thing. I thought it was better to be educated about stuff that mattered, rather than how nice Britney Spears or whoever it was looked during a stage performance. I remember I’d been thankful when she’d finished her set, then of course the camera and gone out into the audience, capturing a perfect shot of none other than her boy band boyfriend standing up and applauding her.
It’s insane to think that that same guy I thought nothing of back then, is now one of the biggest inspirations in my life. He’s not the same of course. He was a lot less reserved then, too caught up in his celebrity bubble and being a member of a boyband to snap into reality and focus on other things going on in the world...like evil people. It was only when he was forced into it that he changed. Part of me thinks it was good for him to change but at the same time I wish he didn’t have to go through as bad of a nightmare to do it.
“Wasn’t that years ago?,” I ask her after a moment.
Tarin laughs. “I’m glad you’ve forgotten about it, because the rest of the world sure hasn’t.”
I just shrug. “I didn’t realize that it was a big deal. I mean, he’s never even mentioned her to me.”
“Oh he wouldn’t,” she tells me seriously. “He has this whole thing about her where he refuses to discuss it.” She rolls her eyes like it’s the stupidest thing in the world. “I never liked her, personally. She’s always been up her own ass every time I’ve met her in the past.”
“Oh...” I’m not really into talking badly about people I don’t know, so I’m hoping from here on out she’ll just drop the subject. “Yeah.”
She laughs a little uneasily and fixes her gaze on the road ahead. “I’m sure you don’t care about what Justin’s ex was like at this point though. Sorry, Mel. I can get carried away sometimes. But you know, Justin isn’t like that anymore anyway. I mean, I knew him back then and he was completely different from how he is now.”
I can’t look at her. This subject has made me completely uneasy and I don’t really know what to think except I know I can’t ever bring up the subject with Justin. He’d get freaked out, and I’m glad I’ve been given advance notice about what not to bring up over morning coffee. “Right.” I nod. “Well, he’s been through a lot.”
“That’s true,” she agrees. “But you know, I haven’t seen him this mellow in a long time. That says something about you guys, ya know? I mean, he loved Brit. They were together for seven years but she just got too big and so did he. I think they were too young to have the kind of relationship that they did, and you definitely shouldn’t compare what you guys have to that whole thing. It was a completely different situation.”
I sigh. “I’m not comparing it to anything. But, I just don’t know a lot about who he used to be. I think that’s what worries me the most, Tarin. It shouldn’t matter. I should just focus on who he is now, but since he’s getting back into working it just makes me wonder if he’s going to change back into that person I have no idea about. I doubt I could handle trying to get to know a completely new person when I’ve just learned how to handle this one.”
“He can be a cocky asshole, Mel,” she points out. “You know that as well as I do, but that’s not the genuine side of him. He’s a really cool, down to earth guy when he doesn’t feel pressured and he’s surrounded by his friends. That’s the Justin I’m friends with, not the fucking superstar or celebrity.”
“It’s just weird for me,” I say softly, as I pick at my fingernails. It feels good to talk to her, I feel like I’m getting a lot off my chest here that normally I’d have to keep bottled up until I burst. It’s great to have somebody who understands too. Somebody who understands and isn’t out to destroy what Justin and I have. Yeah, I guess I’ve two people on my side now. Trace and Tarin. Even though I’m still annoyed at Trace, but that’s another story. “The celebrity side of him is just different, that’s all.”
“You keep him guessing,” she smiles. “Believe me, that’s the type of girl Justin needs. It doesn’t matter how much he’s working or how big he gets, because you’ll always be in the back of his mind, reminding him what he has to go home to at the end of the day. It keeps him grounded, and without something to keep him grounded he’s nothing.”
“You seem to know a lot about him,” I chuckle.
She shrugs, and pulls the car into a large parking lot that has a huge mall looming in the distance. “I’ve known Justin and Trace for years,” she informs me. “They’re not exactly forgettable guys. Annoying and cocky yes. Forgettable, no.” She parks the car and shuts off the engine. “But how about we forget about them for a couple of hours and just lose ourselves in Nordstroms?”
While I loathe the idea of shopping with somebody who looks ten times better than I do, I force a smile for her anyway. “Sounds good.”
This mall is literally one of the nicest I’ve ever been in. Most of the stores I’ve never heard of, but they’re all immaculate and expensive looking. I stop in a few with Tarin, and watch her try some stuff on. I find a couple of plastic bracelets, a necklace and scarf I like, that ends costing me a hundred and fifty dollars. But I figure I have plenty of money to burn, since I never spend my paychecks. I know if I really wanted to I could go shopping every weekend and still have money to spare, but I guess I’m just saving it for the future so I can better my life. There have been a few thoughts running through the back of my mind lately...like going back and finishing nursing school. I know it won’t be cheap, and depending where I want to go I might have to relocate and that involves a good amount of money.
But now...things are changing so rapidly I don’t know if relocating is something I could even consider.
“Mel.”
Tarin has re emerged from yet another fitting room, seemingly disgusted as she puts down the clothes in her arms. “Everything okay?”
“I guess,” she sighs. “Come on, I need to pee.”
We stop in a health and beauty store on the way to the bathroom, and she tells me to just wait outside because she’ll only be a minute. It’s random and I’m confused, but I don’t have a chance to ask myself questions since she rushes out of the store literally thirty seconds later with a small bag in her hand. She loops her arm through mine and we rush off to the bathroom. “Tarin,” I say, breathlessly, once we get inside the women’s room. “Are you sure...”
“I can trust you,” she says, dropping her bags beside my feet as she stares me straight in the eyes. “At first I wasn’t sure but you know....last night and today has proven a lot of things to me. Trace has wanted us to be friends all along, you know? I mean, he can’t stand my friends but that’s besides the point.”
I’m so confused. “Um...yeah...”
“I mean, you’re a really great girl,” she says, flashing me a nervous smile. “I feel like I could tell you anything and you’d be able to give me some good advice.”
She’s really putting me in a bind here. She doesn’t know the truth about me. That I’m as unstable as they come, but I can’t let her know that either. It feels good to be looked up to, I just wish I knew why she’s gotten so uneasy all of a sudden. She was fine up until that last fitting she did, so what’s going on? “Tarin what’s wrong?” I ask her gently.
She opens the tiny bag in her hands, and pulls out a slim white and grey box. I feel sick when I take a closer look because I realize it’s a pregnancy test. “Oh...”
“I just....I mean, I’m a little late.” She steps a few feet forward and leans against the sink, staring back at her pale complexion in the mirror. “Two weeks but, I think I’m just paranoid,” she laughs. “Me and Trace, you know...we’re so careful. I don’t think anything is really happening with me. I’ve just been paranoid for a few days and I figured you’re a mellow, laid back person so you could probably calm me down while I do this.”
I realize shopping was never her intention, but I’m not mad. I am concerned though. She’s acting like she has nobody else to turn to, and that’s nuts to me because she seems like the type of person who has a well rounded group of friends and family surrounding her. “Yeah, I mean, I’m here for you but...I would have thought one of your friends would have been better to handle this, Tarin.”
She laughs. “No. They’re great with everything, they really are. But I just...I need to do this with somebody that really understands this whole situation.” She looks at me and for the first time I can tell how terrified she is. “You’re okay with this right, Mel? I mean, I just thought you could wait while I take it and then...whatever happens...happens.”
I’m so nervous for her right now, but I can’t let her know that. I painstakingly force a smile for her and nod. “Sure, Tarin. Go ahead, and I’ll be right out here.”
She takes a deep breath. “I’m freaking out,” she rasps, her voice quivering with every word.
I don’t know why, because it’s so unlike me, but I hug her and rub her back, trying to assure her that no matter what she’ll be just fine. “It’s okay. You’re not alone and I’ll be right here after you finish.”
“O-okay,” she says, once she pulls away from me. Her mascara is running and her eyes are red and puffy from crying. “I’ll...I”ll be right out.” She opens the box, and unwraps the test. “Can you just do me a favor and read me the results part when I tell you to? I don’t think I can do it without dropping it in the toilet or something.” She laughs a little and sniffles as she wipes at her eyes.
“Yeah.” I take the paper from her and unfold it. “Just yell.”
She finally goes into the stall, and I’m able to let the breath I was holding out as I brace myself against the sink. A lot of random shit has happened to me in my lifetime, but I think this is the most random. I feel bad for her. I really do. I mean, Trace is a good guy but I have no idea how he’ll react if it turns out his girlfriend is having his baby. I doubt he’s been thinking about kids with everything that’s been going on with Justin lately. He’s too caught up, but I have a horrible feeling that his life is going to be blown drastically off course after today.
“Melanie.”
“Hmm? Did it do it?”
“I dunno. I peed on the part I’m supposed to though.”
I frantically look at the paper and begin to read it. “Well you did that part right. Now you’re supposed to wait thirty seconds.” I raise an eyebrow. “Wow that’s fast.”
“It’s the good kind,” she groans.
“Right.”
“There’s no line. What does that mean?”
I scan the paper, and let out a relieved sigh when I read the words on the page. “It says if no line shows up you’re in the clear!”
“Wait.”
I groan. I hate to admit it, but the suspense is really starting to get to me now. “What?”
“It was upside down.”
“Oh.”
It’s silent for awhile. I feel like I should say something, but I have no idea what would be good to say to her at a moment like this. Its awkward and uncomfortable and really, until we both know what the status of this thing is, we’re both going to feel this way.
“There’s a line now.”
I look down at the paper and my heart sinks. I mean, it shouldn’t be a bad thing. A child...a baby...that’s supposed to be a good thing. But Tarin isn’t ready and hell, Trace isn’t ready either. “That’s positive,” I say gently.
“Fuck...” she squeaks out. “Fuck, Mel.”
“Hey, come on out of there.” I say, taking a big breath as I step towards the stall. “You can’t think straight that way.”
It takes a couple of more minutes, but the toilet finally flushes and the door to the stall swings open. She’s white as a ghost, and I can’t say I really blame her. I let her walk over to the sink and watch as she braces herself against it. For a minute I think she might be getting sick, but she doesn’t.
“What am I supposed to do?,” she manages to get out. “I...I can’t just spring this on him. He’s getting his life back, and...and he loves me. Everything was going just fine!” she slaps her hand down on the counter and turns to face me. “Melanie...”
“Trace seems reasonable,” I provide, trying to sound as positive as I can. “And I can tell he really loves you. All you have to do is go to him and tell him. You can figure out the details together, you know?”
She shakes her head vigorously. “No. You don’t get it. That’s not how it works.”
I cock my head to the side. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...it’s like I’m trapping him.” She covers her face in her hands and sobs into them. “He didn’t ask for this.”r32;
“Neither did you. Look, Trace isn’t an asshole, Tarin. Despite the fact that I thought he was when we first met, I’ve come to know him as a decent, honest guy who loves his girlfriend a lot. He doesn’t seem like the type who would just desert his responsibilities or anything. I mean, I can’t lie to you. I doubt he’ll jump for joy because he’ll be shocked but...he’s not just going to cast you aside. If he ever did that I’d kill him.”
“That’s so sweet,” she laughs a little, and I feel like I’m getting somewhere with her now. “I know...I know he’s a good guy. That’s why I love him. But I haven’t even met his family yet or anything, and he’s never met mine. This is going to be their first impression of us. I’m some whore he knocked up and he’s some bastard that couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. I promised myself that things were going to be different with us. I wasn’t just going to be some skank with him. But that’s exactly what I am, Mel.”
“Look,” I sigh and place a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not a skank. Things like this...they just happen, you know? I think you need to go home and talk to him about this before you jump to all kinds of drastic conclusions. No matter what, it’s a baby. In the end, it’ll be a great thing.”
“I don’t know if I want to have it.”
I’m quiet. That was a little unexpected but I can’t fight with her about it. Personally, I would never be able to give up a baby if I was pregnant, but that’s just me. Every girl is different and I don’t think Tarin should be crucified if she chooses not to go through with it. “Well that’s something you’ll have to decide when you talk to Trace,” I say quietly. “But...you should give yourself a little time, you know?”
She nods, but doesn’t meet my gaze. “Can we go home now, Mel?”
“Yeah, of course.”
She wraps me up in a hug, seeming to cling to me for the support she needs. I squeeze her tightly for a few seconds, just to show her that I really am here for her. It feels nice. It’s been awhile since somebody besides Justin has needed me this much.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “I couldn’t have made it through this part without you.”
I pull away from her and give her a warm smile. “Just promise me youll talk to him about this right away, Tarin. It’s important.”
But she just nods.
“Tarin?”
“I know,” she reassures me. “I will.”
She walks out of the bathroom and I follow behind her. We don’t talk as we leave the mall and get back into her car. She sits in the drivers seat for a few minutes, her hands grasping the steering wheel, her eyes fixated somewhere in the distance. She’s thinking hard. She doesn’t know what the hell to do, and I wish I could give her the best answer. I just don’t know what that is, because it’s not me...it’s her, and it’s Trace. I know them, but I don’t really know what they’re prepared to handle. My best guess is they’re not prepared for this at all but that’s something they’re going to have to work out together.
That is, if Tarin doesn’t make a drastic choice on her own first.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
