Hey Kerri.  I was bored and sitting with my cat today, and started to think about you.  How about we meet up for lunch some time next week?  I have so much stuff I need to talk to you about.  I'm literally bursting at the seams!

I smile.  It would be nice to meet up with her.  I haven't been doing much of anything lately besides visiting Cooper, and being miserable the rest of the time.  Elisha has been scarce.  The last time I spoke with her she told me she was filming and living the crazy life.  I was slightly jealous, for a few moments even wishing that I had some kind of acting talent so my life could be crazy too.  But that was stupid.  I had talent in radio, but my life had just been blown off course.  After Tuesday though, I have no idea what's going to happen.  I could have a chance at making it in this business after all.

But I'm not sure if I want to face it.

I text Melanie back, telling her that any time after Tuesday would be great to have lunch or dinner, and she agrees.  Finally, I have a little something to look forward to, and I really want to try as hard as I can not to be in a foul mood, or fuck things up with her.  But...she understands me, probably better than most people can right now.  I can talk to her and she wont' judge me, or tell somebody else about her psycho friend Kerri.  Maybe she can even give me advice about Cooper...

Shit, Cooper.

I look down at my phone and sigh.  I want to call him.  I nearly did earlier, until Justin's fucking picture distracted me.  I shake my head roughly.  Fuck this.  Fuck Justin.  I can't just sit here and dwell on him.  Whatever happens Tuesday, happens.  But Cooper doesn't deserve to be hurt like this.  I need to settle things with him, and if it turns out we can't be together because I'm an idiot well...that's the way things will have to be.

But at least he won't be left in the cold anymore.

I look up to make sure Tarin isn't looking, but she's at her desk talking on the phone.  It's one of those giggling, stupid conversations that she usually has at this point in the day and I know she's talking to Trace.  It's making me sick because I know she's being fake with him right now, and he has no idea what she's going to spring on him when the day is over and they are alone.

But I'm not Tarin, and it's not my place to be worrying this much about the situation.

I quickly pull up Cooper's number and press send, praying that he won't ignore the phone call.  It takes about four rings, but he finally picks up.  Something is off in his voice, but I'm sure it's because of me, and I flinch a little when I say, "Hey."

"Hey, Kerri."

His voice cracks a little, almost as if he's been crying.  It's weird.  I've never heard him like this before, and I really hope I didn't make him this upset.  "Are...are you okay?"

"No.  Things are just...fucking crazy here right now," he sighs.

"I'm...Cooper, god, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to..."

"No, no," he chokes out.  "It's not about us."

A small wave or relief rushes over me, but it's short lived.  If it's not me, then I don't know what's happened to Cooper, and that scares me because he's usually so carefree even if Natalie is giving him shit.  "What happened?"

"My mom is here," he says, after a moment.  "She sort of just showed up."

"Oh..." My voice trails off.  I know he's really confused right now.  He never talks about her with me, unless it's absolutely necessary.  He's bitter towards his mother, I know that.  They haven't spoken in awhile, and the only time he ever seems to focus on the subject is when his sister starts to bring her into the conversation.  I start to rise out of my chair, everything else on my mind being cast aside, because I can feel how upset he is through the phone.  "Cooper...."

"I'm fucking lost," he interrupts me.  "She's just...here...and my Dad, he's at work.  My sisters are in the kitchen with her right now.  She brought her asshole boyfriend too.  This is so fucked up.  I can't even look at her, Ker.  I couldn't even say hello."

"Come get me," I say, immediately.

"You're working."

"I don't care," I say sternly.  "I know how you feel about this whole thing, and you don't deserve to be alone right now.  Just come, okay? Please, Cooper.  I'm...I'm sorry about the other day and how I acted."

"I overreacted," he whispers.  "I just got confused, that's all."

I suck in a breath.  I have to cut the bullshit.  It's clear to me now how much he trusts me, and I haven't been letting him in.  I have to tell him things, let him know what's going on, because I don't want to lose him.  I'm confused about Justin, yeah...but I think I can talk to Cooper about it, tell him what's on my mind and maybe he'll be able to understand.  He's so much more logical about shit than anybody I've ever known.  

I've been stupid to think that he'd turn his back on me over the fucked up shit in my life.

"I haven't been open with you," I whisper, so Tarin won't hear me.  "I want to be.  It's not fair to you."

"I just want to understand you better, Ker," he explains.  "That's all I've ever really wanted, and you know...the other stuff."

I smile a little.  "What other stuff?"

It gets him to chuckle, and I know I've brightened up his mood slightly.  "You know ...the stuff we started the other day that we didn't get to finish."

"Well, I guess you have more than one reason to steal me away from work after all."

"I'll be down in twenty minutes.  Wait out front for me?"

"I will," I say gently.  "See you soon."

I flip my phone closed.  "Tarin, I have to leave."

"Hold on baby."  She covers the mouthpiece with her hand and looks at me strangely.  "What?"

"Small emergency."  I grab my purse off the desk and sling it over my shoulder.  "But I'll come in earlier tomorrow."

She sighs, and opens her mouth like she's about to tear me apart as always, but then she seems to relax a little.  "Okay, I'll cover for you," she nods.  "Just this once though, all right?"

I smile a little.  I guess things really are changing between us.  "I owe you."

"No," she whispers.  "I owe you."  She winks and takes her hand off the mouthpiece again, not paying me any mind as she continues her conversation with Trace.  

For the first time in forever, I don't try to eavesdrop on her conversation.  I have my own issues to deal with, and I quickly rush outside to wait for Cooper to pull up.  

As crazy as it is, Justin doesn't even seem to matter as much as Cooper does right now.

But all of that will change soon enough, I'm sure.

***********

Cooper wasn't as carefree when he picked me up from work.  Actually, the whole car trip back to his house was silent.  I didn't try to make small talk because he seemed so tense while he was driving.  I figured just having me in the car was helping him, and the conversation could wait until we got back to his house.  We pulled into the driveway awhile ago, parking right next to a seemingly brand new BMW convertible.  It's a nice silver color.  I asked Cooper's whose it was.

"My mom brought it for Natalie," he said angrily.

I knew things had gone downhill from the moment Cooper heard that news.

"You know," I speak up cautiously.  "Sitting out here isn't going to make the situation any better.  I mean, it's been over an hour, Cooper.  I'm sure your sisters need you."

"They don't need me," he laughs sadly.  "They clambered right up to my mother the minute she walked through the door, like nothing ever happened.  I feel like it doesn't even matter that I've been here for them all these months.  She's a lot more important to them than I can ever be."

I rub my hands together and look down at my lap.  While I know that isn't true at all, I know why Cooper feels this way.  He's been the provider for his sister's since he came out here.  The parent...the guide, and now he feels like his mother has come and stolen his spotlight undeservingly.  "They're just excited to see her," I tell him softly.  "They know how much you care about them."

"It's not fair," he shakes his head roughly and looks at me.  His eyes are sad, dull, and lost, like somebody has just stolen all of his happiness away from him.  "Why should she be forgiven for deserting them?  Why should she even be getting the time of day from the girls, Kerri?"

I just shrug.  "She's their mother," I say, trying to maintain my optimism.  "Maybe, you know...if you said hello, she would..."

"I'm not fucking talking to her." He slams his fist on the steering wheel, and it causes me to jump a little.  "She can figure out why I won't on her own."

I just nod.  There's no sense in pushing him because he'll only get angrier, and I'm not ready to tolerate more yelling right now.  "So what do you want to do?"

"I dunno."  He stares into the distance for a few moments, before meeting my gaze again.  "I'm...I"m sorry, Kerri.  You don't have to sit here and put up with me right now.  I can take you back home."

"No." I shake my head.  One thing I won't do right now is give up on him, because he's never given up on me.  Even now, despite the fact that we had an issue this week, the only person he wants to be around during this stuff with his mom is me.  That means a lot, more than he can ever know.  I grasp his hand gently in mine and he looks at me.  "I'm not going anywhere."

He leans in and kisses me hard on the lips, and I can feel him trembling as he wraps his arms around me.  I know he's terrified, and I let him cling to me because I know it's what he needs.  "It's okay," I whisper gently in  his ear.  "I'm here."

"What if I go in," he says after awhile.  "Maybe just to...see if my sisters are okay, you know?"

He wants to see his mother.  I can tell just by the look in his eyes, that he's battling with himself, trying to decide what he's going to say once he sees her up close.  But he can't admit it to me, not yet anyway.  I know encouraging the idea he's just brought up will give him the strength to take the first step though, so I smile softly, and nod.  "I think that's a good idea."

"Can you come with me, Ker?"

He looks so hopeful, like he's putting all of his faith into me right now so I can help him through this.  I feel more important than I have in a really long time, and it makes me start asking myself so many questions.  Why can't I just forget about Justin?  Why do I still love him?  It doesn't make any sense, but now isn't the time to try and figure out the answer to all of that.  I need to focus on the current situation, and so... I do.  "Of course."

We get out of the car and he grasps my hand tightly as we make our way up the porch steps and into the house.  I can hear laughter coming directly from the kitchen, and the smell of something sweet fills my nostrils.  It means they're baking, and it's weird but I guess the girls were comfortable enough to do it and Cooper's mom was ready to get back into the swing of things.  "Cooper...come on," I tell him, when he freezes right outside the kitchen doorway.  "It's going to be fine."

He sucks in a long breath, and nods as I give his hand another firm squeeze.  I lead him into the kitchen, and immediately spy April kneeling on a stool by the kitchen island, plopping cookie dough onto a sheet just like I taught her to a week ago.  "Hey kiddo," I say brightly.

Her eyes widen.  "Kerri!"

She runs over to us and wraps her arms around my waist.  I laugh a little and stroke her soft hair.  It makes me think of Mary for the briefest of moments, how big she must have gotten since the last time I saw her, and I feel myself growing depressed.  I need to see her again.  I will too...when I go home.

But how sane I'll be then really depends on what happens in the coming week.

"Cooper! Did you see? Mom got me a car!"

Natalie has come into view now, a smile wider than the Hoover Dam spread across her face.  I suck in my bottom lip and glance up at Cooper, who doesn't seem pleased at all.

"Yeah, don't get too attached to it," he mutters.  "Dad's going to make you send it back anyway."

Natalie frowns.  "You're fucking impossible.  Kerri," she pauses and glances at me.  "You're his girlfriend, he listens to you.  Tell him he's impossible."

I feel myself tense up, and I open my mouth slightly to say something, but I find that I can't find my voice when a new person joins our group.  A middle aged woman stands before us now, and I know right off the bat that she's Cooper's mother.  They have the same eyes, nose, and smile.  She's drop dead gorgeous, young looking, and I know the girls must idolize her.

I'm sure Cooper must have at one point too.  

"Hello, Cooper," his mother says softly.

Cooper crosses his arms stubbornly and rocks back on his heels.  He clenches his jaw tightly for several moments, before finally answering.  "Hi."

April continues to cling to me, and a big part of me is tempted to take her back over to the cookie dough and get lost in it with her so I don't have to stick around for the gory details of the current conversation.  But I know Cooper needs me to stick by him right now, and I will because I know if the situation was reversed he'd do the same for me.  

"How are you?," she continues.  

"Doing just fine without you," he grumbles.

"Cooper!," Natalie whines.  "Stop being a jerk!"

"Natalie, calm down," her mother says.  "Why don't you go take April outside for a bit?  We can finish the cookies later."

"But..."

"Please?"

Natalie sighs, but because she'd do anything at this point to keep her mother happy,she does as she's been asked.  "Come on, April."

"No," April whines, burying her face into my legs.  "I wanna stay with Kerri."

Suddenly everybody's eyes are on me.  Cooper is smirking slightly, probably because he's glad that his youngest sister has grown so attached to me.  I meet his mother's gaze quickly.  She seems confused, and I'm sure she has no idea who I am or what I'm doing here.  It's awkward, and I know she probably doesn't want a stranger around her family at a time like this.  But Cooper would never let me leave now, and I try to help with the situation as best I can.  "I'm not leaving, peanut," I chuckle and smile down at April.  "We can play a little bit later, okay?"

She sighs.  "You promise?"

I nod.  "Cross my heart," I say, and trace an X pattern over my chest.  It gets her to run along, and I'm thankful, but I can't revel in the moment for long.  The silence is back again, and Cooper has gone back to giving his mother the cold shoulder.  

"Kerri..."  His mother steps forward to shake my hand.  "I'm Astra."

I smile slightly and return her handshake.  "Nice to meet you.  I've heard a lot about you from the girls."

She tries to smile but it doesn't seem to work.  She stares at Cooper for awhile before she responds.  "I'm sure.  They're both such chatterboxes.  I hope they haven't been too much trouble when you've visited Cooper."

"Oh no," I say, brightly.  "They're great girls."

"What do you want, Mom?," Cooper interrupts sternly.  "What are you doing here?"

"I just thought it was time to come to terms with everything," she explains.  "And I figured since Natalie had a birthday coming up, it would be a good time to introduce you all to Frank.  The girls already met him.  He went to check us into our hotel, but he's coming back here soon.  He'd like to meet you too."

"I don't want to meet Frank," he says darkly.  "And you better get him the hell out of here before Dad gets home.  I mean, what the hell do you think this is?  You can't just...come here with an expensive car for Nat to recuse yourself.  You know how Dad feels about her driving.  I know you just did it to get on her good side, and to spite him."

"Please don't make me out to be the criminal," she says, her voice cracking a little.  "I made a terrible mistake.  I was desperate and I took the easy way out, but I'm trying to make things better, Cooper.  I don't know what else to do."

"You should have thought about all of that before you walked out on us," he stats bluntly.  "Take the car back.  Just...leave.  It's easier if you do that, Mom.  You did it before, I'm sure you can remember how to do it again."

I stare at Astra, and I can tell she's about to break down.  It took her six months to get the courage to come back here and face her kids.  Now that she did it, Cooper won't give her an inch.  Everything she says and does is wrong, and of course I know why he's acting this way.  But I can see the love she has for him...for all three of her kids, and it's killing her that her oldest isn't accepting her apology.  I wish I could say something, but I know nothing I could say would change Cooper's attitude right now.

"If you could just let me explain," Astra continues.  "Maybe you'd see things from my perspective."

"I had to leave New York," Cooper points out, through gritted teeth.  "I just packed up and left NYU behind because you decided to be selfish.  Now I'm stuck working two jobs and going to fucking night classes, just so the girls can be taken care of.  Do you have any idea how messed up that is, Mom? You destroyed everything I'd planned out for myself so you could go fuck some other guy!  I'll be lucky if I can get into a first choice law school now, and it's all your fucking fault."

My mouth gapes open a little as I stare up at him.  He's really, really angry.  He has a look on his face that I recognize from the countless times I've seen Justin angry in the past.  I've never heard him be so vulgar before, never saw him look so intimidating and mean.  I know now that his carefreeness about having to move away from school and do all this has been a big front.  He didn't want to bring his bitterness into our relationship, or into the girls' lives.  But in reality it's been slowly eating away at him, and he was waiting for the moment when his mother decided to come back to throw it all in her face.  

She's crying now, sobbing into her hands as she stands before him.  It's obvious she feels guilty, and Cooper isn't doing anything but making her feel worse about everything by degrading her like he is.  I tug on his hand a little, forcing him to look at me again.  "Let's go," I whisper.  "This isn't working out."

"No," he says to me sternly.  "She messed up.  She can leave."

I roll my eyes.  "Cooper, be logical."

"I am being logical," he grunts.

I realize I'm not going to change his mind.  His opinions about the situation are set in stone, and he's not going to give in.  There's nothing I can do, so I just nod a little and sigh.  "Then I'll go wait outside," I tell him.

His eyes widen with fear, and he pulls me a little closer to him.  "Ker..."

I pull back from him.  "I'm not leaving...I just, think you two should be alone, okay?"

"You don't have to leave," Astra speaks up suddenly.  "I shouldn't have come here in the first place.  I'll call Frank and tell him to pick me up around the corner."

She walks away from us, and I look back at Cooper, crossing my arms at him this time and looking at him sternly.  I know his mother fucked up big time, but at least she's trying.  It's more than my parents have ever done to sanction their relationship with me, and I wish Cooper could see past the bad stuff and realize how much his mother loves him and wants to try to make this work.  

"What?" He says to me, when he sees the expression on my face.

"You're not being very fair to her," I tell him quietly.  "I mean, I know she messed up.  What she did wasn't right, Cooper.  But you're not even letting her get a word in."

He glares at me.  "So you're siding with her?"

"What?" I scoff.  "Cooper, are you hearing yourself? I'm trying to give you advice.  It's like, you don't want to compromise.  You'd rather just hate her because you're angry.  But you can't hate her forever.  She's your mother."
.  
"So you expect me to just forgive her?" He laughs at me bitterly.  "I really thought you knew me better than that."

"I don't expect anything from you!" I holler at him.  "I'm just saying that it's pretty stupid to turn your back on her without hearing her side of the story!  I don't even talk to my parents, really, and they don't care!  At least she cared enough to come back here, and try to work things out."  I realize that my eyes have started to water, and I reach up and wipe at them before the tears start to run down my face.  "You're the one who doesn't want to try," I whisper after awhile.

He huffs a little, and seems to get flustered for a moment or two.  I know I've proven a point with him just now, and he's trying as hard as he can to shoot it down...to think of another reason why he shouldn't at least give his mother the time to talk to him.  But he can't do it, because he knows I'm right.

"If she leaves again, I'm not going to be able to handle it," he says several minutes later.    "What am I supposed to tell them?"  He points outside to where his sisters are.  "They're going to look to me for an answer and...I just won't have one."  He sucks in a long, shaky breath, and I know he's about to lose his composure.  "Part of me misses her so bad, Ker.  I just want to hug her and let her tell me everything is going to be okay.  But I know that it can't be that way.  Nothing is okay, you know?  I can't trust her like I could before."

I walk up to him again, and let him wrap his arms around me.  I can feel his body trembling like it was before in the car, and I hear him sob softly into me.  He needs this right now, and I know...I know he loves me.  He just hasn't said it yet.  "It's going to be hard to trust her again, but nobody is telling you that you have to rush.  All I'm saying is...try to talk to her, Cooper.  Try to talk to her without giving her the third degree.  I'm sure she had her reasons for leaving, but they had nothing to do with you or your sisters."  I pull away from him and reach up to wipe the tears off his face.  "She loves you." I smile a little.  "Don't let her leave now, because if she does, it's going to be that much harder for you to talk to her the next time."

He sighs heavily, and I know I've gotten through to him.  "I'm just scared, Kerri."

"I know you are," I nod.  "But you have to do this now, for yourself.  You need closure to this whole situation.  I think that if you get it, you can sort of move on, and get Natalie and April back on track too."

He half smiles then, and plants a soft kiss on my lips.  "Did I tell you that I'm falling for you yet?"

I look up into his eyes, and see nothing but the love he has for me in them.  It scares me, makes my heart nearly skip a beat, but I can't deny the fact that a similar feeling has started to creep over me, begging me to give into it.  I just don't know if I'm ready though.  I'm still willing to deny myself Cooper's love because of one stupid fucked up person.  It's not fair.  I want to tell him about it...about him.

But now definitely isn't the time.

"No," I say, having found the strength to answer him finally.  

"Well I am." He strokes my face gently and flashes me the smile that made me attracted to him the first time I laid on eyes him.  "You're the most important person in my life, Kerri."

I can't say anything.  I just...can't.  It's too much, and today has been so horrible for him that if I tell him the truth, he won't know what to think.  So, I do the only logical thing I can think of right now.  I pull his face close to mine, and kiss him passionately, hoping that it's enough to let him know how much I care about him.

"Stay the night," he whispers, between kisses.  "Okay?"

I nod, breathless as he grabs my lips with his one more time.  I don't really know what's going to happen tonight but...i know it's something I need to prepare myself for.  Do I want to sleep with him?  Yes.  But I don't know if I'm ready, or what it will do to me.  I've never been with anybody else other than Justin.  I don't count Trace, because we didn't actually have sex.  I'm a little bit terrified but...he can figure that out for himself later, if I allow him to.  "Go talk to your mom," I tell him with a small smile.  "I'll go check on the girls."

I watch him go, peering out the window as he walks out the door and down the steps again.  I can see Astra in the distance, standing at the edge of the yard waiting for who I'm assuming is her new boyfriend.  He taps her on the shoulder, and she turns around.  He says something to her, and she looks down at the ground, but he puts his hands on her shoulders and I know he didn't degrade her again.  A moment later he's hugging her, and I feel myself smile.  Things are going to work out with them.  Sure, it's going to take a long time for all of them to heal, and deal with this new situation.  But at least Cooper has taken the first step, at least they can be civil with each other.  

I don't know what he would have done if I hadn't been around to calm him down.

It makes me feel good.

I just wish I could take charge of my own life the same way I made him take charge of his.

"This is all my fault."

I turn around, and see Natalie standing before me.  Her face is tearstained and she looks absolutely lost.  "Nothing is your fault, Nat."  I go to her and put an arm around her.

"If I hadn't wanted a car so bad, mom never would have brought it.  Now Cooper is upset," she sobs.  "I always piss him off."

"You aren't the reason he was upset," I say to her gently, walking her over to the couch so we can sit down on it together.  "He misses your mom just as much as you do.  But you know Cooper, he tries to act stronger than he is sometimes."

Natalie shrugs, and looks down at her hands.  "I didn't even care how he felt, Kerri.  Mom came with the car and all I could think about was myself.  I was so excited to see her, you know?  I didn't understand why Cooper wasn't."

I feel like I'm looking at a past version of myself right now.  The more I'm around Natalie, the more I realize that I was exactly like her when I was her age...more concerned about  myself than my family at my times.  I want to help her, get her to care more about her family and her future rather than getting her own way.  I'd hate for her to end up like me one day...lost, and obsessed with somebody I never really had in the first place.

"Everything is going to be okay," I reach out and pull her close to me, and she rests her head on my shoulder.  "He's out there talking to her right now, and I know things are confusing but...they have a weird way of working themselves out, you know?  The most important thing, is that your mom knows how much you love her.  Everything else is an afterthought."

"Does Cooper love me?"

I glance at her like she's gone crazy.  "Of course he does."

"I dunno."  She shakes her head a little and sniffles.  "Sometimes I think he wishes I would disappear."

"Nat, he came out here to make sure you were taken care of," I explain.  "If he didn't love you and your sister, he would have gone back to New York a long time ago."  

She just shrugs.  "I always thought he came back out here to see you."

I laugh a little.  "He didn't even know where I was," I explain.  "We ran into each other, that's all.  It was a big coincidence...but, a good one."

"Do you love him?"

I stare at her.  It's weird that she'd be asking me, but then again, I can't blame her.  I know that she wants to protect Cooper too, because he'd do anything to protect her.  "I...I think I'm beginning to."

She sits up and looks at me seriously, and I'm not exactly sure why.  "You...I mean, I who you are."

I'm taken back a little.  I'm not sure what she's getting at, but it's making my heart start to race like crazy.  "What do you mean?"

"I was at the library at school the other day, and I saw your picture in a magazine," she says, quietly.  "You're that girl that's friends with Justin Timberlake.  The one who was kidnapped last year."

I try but I can't help but let my mouth fall open a little.  Why in the world she would have brought this up now, is beyond me.  But it's obvious that it's confusing her, and I...I just don't know what to say to her.  It's my life, I can't deny that. But I really don't want to think about Justin while I'm here, what happened to us, or how I feel about him still.  I know that I can't sit here and deny what she's just told me though, so I nod my head slowly.  "It's true," I say.

"Does my brother know?"

"Yes.  He's met Justin before."  I cringe a little, remembering the party...and how Justin slammed Siobhan against the wall.  How I'd ran outside to get away, and how Cooper had been there, trying to tell me I was better than all of it.  Better than Justin.  I wish I'd listened then...been smarter.  If I had, maybe I wouldn't be in a such a bad place right now.  

"Oh..."  She sucks in her bottom lip, seemingly embarrassed.  I guess she must have had a bunch of theory's in her head about the situation that weren't true.  Like, that her brother didn't really know who I was.  I mean, he doesn't really.  He's starting to understand me though, more and more.  I'm starting to let him see the person I really am, but Natalie doesn't need to know about all that.  "I'm sorry," she continues.  "I just...didn't know what to think, that's all."

"It's okay," I say softly.  "Your brother probably didn't see a reason to tell you about all of it."

She shrugs.  "It's just weird, you know?  It's like, you're a celebrity or something."

I laugh at her.  "Oh Nat."  I put an arm around her again.  "I'm the farthest thing from a celebrity.  The whole thing is just stupid.  It was a horrible thing that happened but up until then nobody really cared about who I was.  I was friends with Justin my entire life before that happened."

"Are you friends now?"

I look at her strangely.  I don't know why she's asking me all of these questions, but I guess...she's probably curious.  I'm sure she likes Justin's music and all of that.  She's at the right age, and it's probably crazy to her that her brother is dating one of Justin's closest friends.  It takes me back to long summer tours, and fans that would befriend me out of pure curiosity as to who I was and what my relationship with Justin was like.  "Not really," I say after awhile.

"He's my favorite," she smiles a little, and it's so fucking weird.  "Me and my friend Sarah were freaking out in the library because we thought you could get us to meet him."  She hangs her head low and shakes her head.  "Now I just feel stupid and selfish.  I even thought about asking Cooper, but I knew he'd probably get mad.  That's why I waited to talk to you about it."

It would be a really great thing if I could get her and her friend into the radio station on Tuesday.  But fuck, I don't know if I could go through with it.  Justin isn't expecting me to be there or anything, and...I can't just face him, introduce him to my boyfriend's sister like everything is fine and dandy.  I'll ruin the day.  But at the same time, I'd like to do something unforgettable for Natalie.  She's been through so much lately, and she deserves a break.  Maybe I can just get her on the list and have Tarin handle them...something.  "Can you skip school on Tuesday?," I ask her, trying to hide my smile.

Her eyes widen a little.  "Why?"

"Because I might just be able to help you out with that wish of yours."  I smile at her, feeling sick inside as I say the words to her.  What am I, crazy?  I guess so.  But at the same time I don't care.  I want to force myself to be sane for this whole Justin event, and maybe if Nat and her friend are there, I can focus on them rather than how terrified I am of Justin.

"You mean, meeting Justin?"  

I laugh a little and smile.  "He's coming to my job on Tuesday for an interview, but you can't go telling people.  It's supposed to be a last minute surprise."

Her eyes widen, and she grasps me by the shoulders.  "Are you serious!"

"Calm down," I say with a giggle, looking cautiously over my shoulder to make sure Cooper isn't within earshot.  "I'll get you and your friend on the list but don't tell Cooper, okay?  He doesn't really like him, and he doesn't know about this yet."

Natalie frowns.  "Why doesn't he like Justin?"

I sigh.  I know I can't tell her the truth because it would freak her out to know that Justin has a bad temper.  So I just make up something stupid,  hoping she'll drop the subject.  "It's the whole ex boyfriend jealousy thing," I tell her.  "The first time I met your brother, I was dating Justin."

Her eyes widen.  "You dated Justin Timberlake?"

This is probably a stupid idea, the whole thing.  But at the same time I don't care.  I'm melting back into a seventeen year old again.  The one who would meet a couple of nice girls out by the buses and bring them backstage to meet the guys.  I loved doing it.  I felt important, instead of just some girl lingering in the background of Justin and Trace's greatness.  "For awhile," I tell her.  

"God, Kerri.  How could you go from Justin to my brother?"

I try to laugh, but I find that I can't get it out.  I'm slipping up right now, remembering things that I don't want to.  I manage to look at her, and force a small smile so she won't get suspicious.  "Sometimes life just works out differently than you would have expected it to.  Your brother is different from most guys I've known, and he cares about me a lot."

She scrunches up her nose.  "Still, it's my brother."

"If you didn't act this way, it would scare me," I chuckle.  "But maybe one day you'll understand why I chose your brother over him."

She shrugs.  "I doubt it, but...okay," she laughs, and throws her arms around me.  "You're the best!"

"Anytime."  I hug her back and give her a little squeeze before pulling away from her.  I hear Cooper and his mother in the background now, and I know they've come back into the house.  I have to make the subject of Justin disappear right away. I can't deny the fact that I know Cooper would get really pissed off if he found out I was taking his sister to meet Justin on Tuesday.  Here I go again, doing stupid shit that Cooper can't know about.  It's liable to blow up in my face, and I know that.  But at the same time I just can't stop myself.  It's making me feel better, to know that I'm making a difference in his sisters life.

And I guess maybe, having Natalie there will give me a good reason to talk to Justin if I decide I want to.

Maybe in my subconscious, that was my plan all along.

"Hey you two." Cooper leans over the back of the couch and sticks his face in between Natalie and myself.  "Mom's going back to her hotel, but she wants us to meet her for dinner in an hour or so."

"So you've decided to crawl out from under your rock and talk to Mom?" Natalie says, with a roll of her eyes.  "Wow, Cooper.  I didn't think you had it in you."

"Thank Kerri.  She's the one who talked me into it."  He sneaks a quick kiss on my cheek, and I feel mysef blush "I mean, Mom said that she won't bring what's his face.  That it can just be us, and Kerri too.  So I'm okay with that."

"Well did you call, Dad?" Natalie asks him.  "Because he's going to wonder where the hell we all went."

Cooper just shrugs.  "I can talk to him later."

Natalie looks at me like she doesn't know what's come over her brother.  But I know what has.  It's me.  I talked him into being not so much of an asshole to his mother, and now they're making some headway.  Granted it's only dinner, but it's a big step considering Cooper wanted nothing to do with the woman just a short while ago.  "I think it's a great idea," I say brightly, stealing a wink at Natalie.  "Why don't you go outside Nat, and get April so y'all can get ready," I nod.

"Yeah."  Cooper comes around to the front of the sofa and plops down beside me, placing a hand on my thigh slyly.  "Go ahead, Nat."

She stares at him for a few moments, seemingly debating something in her head, before she speaks up again.  "What about the car?"

Cooper sighs.  "We'll talk about it with Dad later on."

"But, Cooper," she huffs.

"But, nothin'," he says seriously.  "Go get ready."

"Fine," she mutters, and steals one final glance at me before she storms away.

"Fuck," Cooper says once she's gone, blowing out a long breath.  "What a day."

I lean into him, and rub my hand on his chest.  "How'd it go out there?"  

He glances down at me and smiles, pressing his lips to the top of my head.  "Better than I thought it would.  I'm hoping tonight won't be so awkward, but I think with the girls around the mood will be a lot different.  They don't hold much against her, you know?"

I nod.  "I think it's a great idea, and...I'm proud of you for giving her a chance."

"I don't know what you're doing to me," he laughs lightly.  "I'm usually a stubborn idiot.  But you know, you made me go all soft today.  I hugged the woman.  I can't even remember the last time I did that willingly.  I think it was a few years ago, when I got accepted into college."

I cock my head to the side.  "It's been that long?"

He sucks in a breath.  "My mom and I haven't always seen eye to eye on a lot of things.  I think it's because we have the same kind of personality, so we clash a lot of the time.  It's no one's fault but...my high school years here at home were hell between me and her.  My dad constantly had to play mediator, otherwise we would have torn each other apart."

I realize I never knew that, because he never chose to tell me.  It makes me feel a little more comfortable, realizing he has his own demons that he doesn't like to bring  up in our conversations.  "Maybe things will be different now," I say quietly.  

"I don't really know." He looks into my eyes and smiles softly.  "if things go the way I've been planning, I'll be going away to law school next semester so I won't be around to argue with her much."

I always tend to forget that Cooper is trying to work his way into law school, and that he might be leaving once the summer is up.  We don't talk about that much.  I think it pains him too much to even think about leaving me behind right now, but I know the time will eventually come and I don't know what we'll do.  I know I have the opportunity coming up to transfer to any radio station in the country but...I just don't know if I want to leave Los Angeles.  It would mean leaving Trace behind, and....even though his life is about to change drastically, it doesn't mean I won't be able to see him.  I'd miss him like hell.  And Justin...

I don't even know what the status of our friendship will be by the summers end.  

"Hey, it doesn't mean we can't be together," I hear Cooper say a moment later, and I know he can sense what I'm thinking about..  "I'm looking into schools here in California too.  I doubt I'll get into Yale, you know?  It's hard as hell to get into their law program, even if you have a perfect GPA."

"You shouldn't sell yourself short," I tell him, sadly.  "You need to do what's right for you."

"Hey."  He strokes my face gently, and it gets me to look him in the eyes.  "The only thing that's right for me right now, is you."  He kisses me and smiles.  "Let's not think about it right now, huh?  One thing at a time."

I force a smile and tell him okay, because it's what he wants to hear.  His mom is here and that's made him edgy enough without talking about separation and school...the future.  He just wants to know that I care, and I do...so I simply curl up to him and let him whisper sweet nothings in my ear for awhile.  It's the easy way out.  I don't have to think about anything, and I wish I could stop time, revel in this moment for as long as I want to...put off Tuesday and my impending doom as long as I can.

"You're gonna stay the night, right?"

I look up at him after a moment.  "Yeah," I smile at him gently.  "I like waking up with you."

"Me too." He clears his throat a little and presses his face closer to mine.  "Maybe tonight will be a little special."

I know what he's getting at, and I tense up a little.  I'm not ready, but I am at the same time.  That makes no sense, but neither does my life.  If I sleep with him I know I'm not going to have any choice but to fall harder than I've fallen for somebody since Justin came into my life.  It's a hard line to cross.  I wish I could tell him that I want to wait until after Tuesday, but he would think I'd gone insane, and get pissed off when he found out the truth.  "Maybe," I say quickly.r32;
"If you're not ready, it's okay."  

I look at him for a long time, knowing that I can't lie to him.  Hell, I was ready that day we made out at the lookout point.  The truth is, I want to feel him in me, I want him to love me, and I want to love him back.  I shake my head and chuckle softly.  "I've been ready since the last time, when I tried to take your pants off."

"Oh that's right," he whispers, stealing a glance over his shoulder, before kissing my neck a little.  "I almost forgot about that."

"You're such a liar," I giggle.  "A deceptive bastard."

"Mmm."  He presses his lips to my neck again, and steals a little bite at my skin.  "I don't know about deceptive.  But I can seduce the crap out of you, Kerrigan."

"So cocky,"  I push him away playfully.  "Just for that, you have wait until later to touch me."

He pouts.  "That's not fair."

"Oh it's fair.  Because I didn't tell you where you can touch."

He raises an eyebrow.

I just smile.  I definitely know what tonight is going to bring.  

Even though the smallest part of me wishes it could be with Justin instead of Cooper.

How fucked up.