Tuesday, 3:45 AM
The day and time keep repeating themselves in my head, over and over again. In fifteen minutes my buzzer will go off. Melanie won't be here to wake me up like always, because I gave her the option to sleep in, since we can't go running today anyway. I'll spend the first hour showering and shaving. The next picking out my outfit again, even though before I got into bed last night I had one picked out, going as far as having Melanie approve it so I could reassure myself I was making a good choice. Trace will show up around six with Eric, hopefully with a coffee made just the way I like it from my favorite cafe. Then we'll get in the car...
Whatever happens after that, is for fate to decide I guess.
The really bad thing?
I haven't slept. At all.
It's ridiculous. Not counting everything that has to do with Shane, the last time I did this, was the night before I debuted LIke I Love You on the VMA's. I was scared fucking shitless. There was an album ten years in the making, and an entire summer's worth of recording resting on my shoulders, taunting me, telling me that if I screwed up, all of it would have been for nothing. That I was just in a boyband, and I'd never amount to anything other than that. Trace had gone out to some club with Kerri and a bunch of her friends, and I was too much of a stubborn asshole to call her and tell her I missed her. My momma had heard enough about how much I wanted to hurl over the past week, and I didn't feel like burdening her with it anymore.
I was going to screw up.
I was completely convinced.
I called Kerri at three in the morning, desperately wanting to hear her voice, hoping like hell that I'd just get a voicemail so I wouldn't have to talk to her. Knowing she was probably trashed gave me a little bit of hope. I guess that's why I decided to go through with it.
"Hello?"
Her voice had been filled with exhaustion, woozy from drinking too much and trying to keep up with Trace while they danced hard and heavy together, a tradition for them whenever he'd been able to get into town. I listened to her breathe, realizing how much I needed her then, resting in my arms and telling me not to worry, that I was going to have the biggest record of the year, and it wasn't possible for me to fuck it all up.
"Hello?"
I hung up and stared at the ceiling, puking in the toilet for the third time about ten minutes later. The following night, the only thing that had forced me to push myself onto that stage had been the soft murmur of her hello echoing in the back of my mind. It was then I knew something had to be done, that I was going to have to be the one to reach out and talk to her.
It would be a year before I would see her again. A year filled with publicity, touring, and a new relationship with an older woman that I thought I had a lot more in common with than I actually did.
A year before everything I worked so hard for would come crashing down around me.
I'm scared of people. Flashes, screams in my face. Hands trying to grab me, and having to force a big ass smile despite it all. I'm scared of talking to high executives, the people that are in charge of promoting my career. They expect me to act like the coolest mother fucker around, when I know I'm the farthest thing from that. I realized sometime in the middle of the night that I'm going to have to act a little cocky. It's how I've always been when dealing with press, and to get all sentimental now would tell people I've changed...become soft. I don't want that. I want to keep my demeanor the way it's always been during promotion. Behind closed doors, that's when I can let it all go and act like myself.
That's when I can focus on what's most important.
The buzzer blares loudly in my ear, and the radio snaps on. How they can play
Eminem at four in the morning is beyond me, but I don't change it. It's that song Stan, and the melody has always been able to calm me down, so I let it play on as I drag myself out of bed. I stagger around the room tiredly for a few minutes, clumsily feeling for the light switch on the wall, squinting my eyes when the new light overpowers them. I rub them hard as I walk into my bathroom, stripping off my clothes and turning on the faucet.
I pause and laugh. Even now, despite how long it's been, I still do the same stripping off of my clothes and turning on of the water that I had to do in Orange Valley. It was one of those things that made me feel safe, I guess. I know how weird that sounds, but I always felt when I turned on that water, it signaled the start to a new day, and the previous days mistakes didn't matter anymore. It also took my mind off the fact that I had to get undressed in front of another guy every morning, the sound of the running water drowning out his commands for me to turn around, hold out my arms...
Fuck, why am I thinking about this?
I plod back out into my bedroom as the water runs, and turn up the volume on my radio, hoping it will change the subject that's lingering in my mind. But I frown when the music is gone. It's been replaced by the DJ, and he's discussing something I'd rather not have to deal with right away. Fuck, at least let me get my shower first, so I don't feel like I just rolled out from under a rock.
....And I know, I know why you guys are all turning on the radio this morning. It's not to hear my cheerful voice either, even though I told my girlfriend that it was before I came here today. You're all in love with the Timberlake Wonder. Don't worry, he's gonna be on in another couple of hours, and in a few minutes I'll take caller ten and you can come on on down to the studio to listen in on the interview up close and personal. Hey, maybe he'll serenade you or something, who knows? Stay tuned, caller ten after this...
Fucking KISS and their damn promotion. I switch off the radio in disgust. I can already tell, this is going to be a fucking fanfare. Trace didn't tell me about any contests, just told me I might have to meet some fans. But I mean, I guess he figured I would know they would do something like this to gear up the hype for my appearance. I hope it's nothing like the promotion I did there for Justified. There were so many screaming girls standing outside the studio, I could barely make my way into it. But it's different this time. I'm not releasing a brand new album, just a single. A single that hasn't even been put on the air yet. Hopefully they'll have kept this contest small. I can deal with a half dozen fans, and knowing Tarin, she would have wanted to keep it casual. This is her first big gig after all, and I'm sure she's just as on edge as I am.
Well, I hope she is anyway. I don't want to be the only one who's nervous.
There's a harsh rapping at my door, and it snaps me out of my bitterness towards the situation. I gasp a little, knowing I'm naked, and rush to the door, putting all of my body weight against it. "Yeah?" I manage.
"Justin?"
"Yeah, Mel," I say through the door, letting out a nervous laugh.
"Oh, I didn't know if you would have woken up," she says, her voice slightly muffled by the barrier between us. "Good for you, setting that alarm!"
"Thanks." I chuckle.
"Well, are you going to let me in, or have you turned back into the Beast again?"
I smile a little. She's probably the one person I would let see me naked at this point, but I know that it's not the time, and she wouldn't exactly be comfortable with the idea like I am. "Nah," I tell her. "I'm not just sort of...naked."
"Oh..." Her voice gets a little bit softer. "Yeah, I'll just wait downstairs."
"No, wait!" I grab for the towel strewn across my bed, and yank it around my waist, before opening the door. "Mel."
She whirls around, having been halfway to the staircase, and stares at me for a good long minute. It's not like she's never seen me without a shirt on before. I walk around with a towel a lot, and in this instant, I have no idea what provoked me to start doing it in the first place. It was like I was completely comfortable with some girl I barely knew seeing me that way. I guess, maybe, it's just another factor that proves to me how comfortable I've been with her from the very beginning.
"You really need to get in the shower," she says to me, her cheeks turning a little bit pink. "I think if you're late today, Trace really will kill you, or just have Eric sit on you."
"I'm goin'," I smirk. "That little jackass isn't going to do anything to me. What are you doing up anyway? I thought I gave you the morning off to catch up on your sleep?"
She sighs, but laughs a little, placing her hands gently on her hips. "I wake up every morning at four am. My body has a routine Justin, sort of like yours will after you've been through my daily ass kicking for a year. I can't sleep late."
"Oh, all right," I shrug, beginning to turn away from her. "I'll see you in a little while then."
"Yeah, I'm going to make some breakfast for you."
"Oh no," I tell her quickly, turning around to face her again. I know I can't eat. I'm too nervous, and the last thing I need to do is spew my breakfast all over David Foster as he shakes my hand. "I can't eat this morning, Mel."
"You have to eat," she laughs, shaking her head a little. "You need energy to keep up with Tarin. She's probably going to be on Ritalin, or at least seem like she is."
"I'm not that worried. Hell, I'm on stronger drugs than that," I laugh.
"Just get dressed and come down to eat, before I get rough with you." She shoots me a playful glare.
"Rough?" I raise an eyebrow. "Really, now?"
"I'm walking away," she says, covering her ears and turning her back to me. "Yep, totally walking away from you."
I'd go after her, grab her around the waist and press my half naked body into her, telling her I want to call off the day and lay around with her instead, but I know it wouldn't go over well. Melanie would never let me skip the interview. There's been too much preparation done by a lot of people for this interview. We both know I'd never get another chance to relinquish my career if I said the hell with it all for the sake of getting extra cuddle time with her.
There will be time for that when I get home today anyway. I'm just hoping she'll be in the mood to let me touch her a little more then.
It takes another twenty minutes before I can get myself into my clothes. I spend what seems like forever in front of the mirror, grooming the light beard on my face, and checking my skin for little imperfections. I shouldn't care. I should just be myself, but...there are going to be a lot of people at this thing, I can just feel it, and I don't want to look messy for them. I'm expected to be "on", and I will be. I'll please the radio execs, and they'll want to play the single once I finalize it in the studio next week. Sonia will have a smile on her face, because the interview will have gone so well, and she'll have nothing but good things to report back to Barry when she sees him.
I just have to make it through this one day, and I'll finally be in the clear.
Navy polo, medium light jeans, and my favorite pair of Nikes. I nod to myself, knowing I'm the most comfortable and I look as good as I wanted to since I went rummaging through my supply of clothes in search of the perfect outfit. I don't look back as I leave the comforts of my bedroom and make my way downstairs, where the familiar scent of fresh pancakes being cooked hits my nostrils. I don't feel as queasy as I thought I would. But maybe that has more to do with the fact that I'm standing in the kitchen doorway now, watching Melanie as she stands over the stove, humming to herself quietly. I watch her body sway with the random melody that floats through her lips, only being able to linger on the thought of how beautiful she is for a moment, before she turns and notices me standing there.
"You've finally emerged." she smiles, reaching to her right to grab a plate off the counter.
"Good timing too, the food just finished up."
"Um..." I say, tearing my gaze from her ass as I look up into her eyes. "Yeah." I cross the kitchen quickly, leaning over the crate that Brennan has been designated to while she heals, and I smile down at her when she looks up into my face, her eyes full of sorrow. I know how much she hates being confined to a box, having to wear that damn cone thing around her head all the time.
The whole episode with my dogs freaked me out. I never expected it, but then again, I hadn't really looked for signs of aggression on Buckley's part either. I know it's probably my fault for not getting them into a training program sooner, but I've had a lot of other things to deal with. Brennan's getting a little bit better everyday. She can sort of limp around now, but we don't let her wander around on her own. I still haven't approached Buckley since the incident happened. I don't know why. I mean, he's a dog, and Melanie was right in telling me that I needed to let it go. I guess I was just freaked out. I'd...I'd done the same thing to Kerri, and even though it was a dog fight, I almost felt like history was repeating itself in my house.
We keep Buckley in one of the spare bedrooms, just in case he decides to retaliate on Brennan while she's trying to recuperate. I know he hates it. Sometimes when I walk by I can hear him howling or whimpering, and the other day I was almost tempted to go in and scratch his head...hold him for a little while. But I resisted. He has to learn, and I'm determined to make him remember what happens when you make a big mistake in your life so he won't do it ever again.
Fuck, I'm taking out my guilt on a dog.
"Hows my princess, huh?" I reach into the crate and lift her out gently. "Daddy's here, yeah-hh." I kiss her nose and cradle her in my arms, only meeting Melanie's gaze when I hear her roughly sigh from the other side of the kitchen. "What?" I snicker. "I'm just saying good morning."
"You spoil her rotten," she says, matter of factly, as she loads up a plate with food and places it on the kitchen table. "Now come on, get over here and eat this."
r32;"We don't wanna eat," I coo, scratching Brennan on the head, and she lets out a big open mouthed yawn before licking my fingers. "No, no, no."
"Would you put the dog down," Melanie laughs. "You sound like a nerd."
"You don't think I'm a nerd, Bren," I smile at my dog again. "Do you?"
"Just be thankful she can't answer you," Melanie giggles, and pulls out a chair in her final attempt to get me to eat my breakfast. "Sit, damn you."
"Fine." I huff, but don't hesitate to smirk at her a little. I put Brennan back in her crate, and she puts her head down sadly as I give her snout a final scratch. Once I'm confident that she's comfortable, I go take my seat at the table, hoping that Mel will join me for a few minutes before the inevitable happens and I have to leave to face the day.
"Hey," she says, as I dig into my pancakes. "What's that song you do that goes, dun dun rock yer body?"
I look up at her, and laugh before I take a sip of my orange juice. "Huh?"
"You know, it sounds like Disco Inferno," she smiles at me playfully. "I heard it on the radio the other day when I was doing errands. They were promoting your interview, and then they played the song."
I'm kind of surprised that she would have been listening to the radio at all. Every time I've been in the car with her, she's always had some lazy sounding folk artist blaring through her speakers. I didn't think she was into popular music, but that's been okay with me. I never hung out with a girl that wasn't obsessed with top forty music, and hip hop. It's a nice change for me, being around somebody who's pretty much naive to the work I do. It gives me a chance to open her eyes to my passion for music, and the business. "Rock Your Body," I laugh heartily as I pop a forkful of food into my mouth.
"Oh yeah," she nods a little and smiles. "I guess that's the name."
"Nobodies compared it to Disco Inferno before," I say, cracking up. "I kind of like it though. Sometimes I don't mind it when you tear my image apart."
"Talk to me boy-yee," she smirks as she sings the words.
"Shut up," I say with a chuckle. "It's one of my favorite tracks. Very retro, you know? I gotta show you the video sometime."
"Do you wear platforms?"
"Oh you're gonna get it, girl," I nod, giving her a reassuring smile. "Don't you worry."
She cackles loudly, throwing her head back a little, seemingly not being able to control herself.
"What?" I laugh. "Is it that funny?"
"The vision of you in a polyester suit and patented leather platforms is hilarious, yes."
I love her. She's the only one besides Trace who could make fun of me and still make me feel good about myself at the same time. I need to be knocked down a few notches sometimes, and for a really long time only Trace and Kerri had been able to do that. Now Kerri's gone, but Melanie is here, and she's even better at doing all that than Kerri ever was, I think. I'm smiling, despite the fact that I'm nervous as hell, and exhausted from lack of sleep, and that says a hell of a lot. This time last year I never would have been able to be so stable. I was touring, and Cameron just wanted to fuck all the time. She couldn't really listen to me when I needed to talk to her about how worn down I was becoming, hell, I don't really think she wanted to. She was having fun taking a break from all of her crazy filming schedules, and I was young...vibrant, somebody that was supposed to have a lot of energy. I think that's the only reason she was attracted to me in the first place.
"So what's this interview all about anyway?" She asks me once our laughter has died down and I've started to focus on my breakfast again. "I mean, I know it's about you getting back out there and working, but I have no idea what they're even going to be asking you."
I shrug a little. I don't really want to focus on exactly what I'm going to have to talk about, because I don't want to feel overly nervous before I sit down to talk to Tarin this morning. I saw most of the questions I'll be asked when I had my meeting with Sonia, and they all have to do with my career, my new tour, and what my plans are for the future. The kidnapping is out, that's a given, and I know Tarin would never ask me about it anyway. "Just about the new release," I tell her. "You know, I have to finalize that track I played for you a few weeks back, and then it's going to be released to radio in about a week. They just want to talk to me about that, and what I've been up to."
"Not about...what happened to you though, right?" she questions me, the worry in her voice obvious.
I smile at her gently, knowing that she's probably even more nervous than I am this morning. She can't be there with me, because she has to take Brennan to get her stitches out today, and...because I know it would be too weird for her right now seeing me in a professional setting. I'm not sure when I want her to see me at work, surrounded by my staff and people questioning me about my personal life. I'm afraid it would make her feel weird...tear us apart a little bit, and I just won't allow that to happen right now.
We're making each other too happy.
"No." I reassure her as I reach across the table and rub her hand. "It's not like that. Tarin wouldn't let that happen."
She nods. "And she won't ask you about...us either, right?"
I should have figured she'd be worried about that. I've been trying not to worry about it either, being asked about my relationship status. I know Sonia told me to say no comment, but really, there is a comment there, a big one. I've never been one to discuss my relationships to the press, of course. Keeping things private has always been a big thing with me. But it's been such a long time since I've been this happy, I feel like I need to climb up on the rooftops and shout out how much I love Melanie Parker. It's unrealistic, and I know I could never do anything remotely close to that though. There would be a media frenzy. The paparazzi would start camping outside of my house, trying to get a glimpse of Melanie, and I know how much she would hate that. No, I have to keep my feelings and my new found happiness to myself for now. At least until we're both completely comfortable coming out in the open as a couple. "Mel, don't worry," I say, giving her a soft smile. "I'm not saying anything. I mean, my people don't even know we're together yet. I'd have to tell them first before I'd announce us to the world."
"Well...yeah," she quickly gets up from the table and takes her empty plate over to the sink with her, rinsing it off for entirely too long before she shuts the faucet and looks over at me again. "But we aren't really together anyway," she says, laughing as if her comment isn't a big deal. "I mean, yeah...we aren't really. Hell, I dunno...just eat your breakfast. Trace is going to be here soon."
I'm floored, and my mouth drops open a few seconds later. Maybe I didn't hear her right, because I can't make sense of what she just told me. We're not together? How is that possible? We've been all touchy, feely and shit. I know her, and she wouldn't have started to open herself to me like this unless she felt like I was "with" her. "Mel, what the hell are you talkin' about?" I slowly slide myself out from the table, and make my way over to her when she doesn't answer me. I come up from behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. "I'm not understanding this."
She shrugs my hands off her and turns around to face me. "It's not hard to understand, Justin."
I scowl as she walks briskly past me, rag in hand, bending over to wipe the table clean before she walks out of the kitchen. "Melanie," I sigh loudly, and slap my hands at my sides. "Mel, come on, don't walk away from me right now."
I race through the kitchen and into my living room when she doesn't answer me. She's standing by the TV now, dusting one of the bookshelves that stands next to it. It's all a front. I know her too well not to know when she's trying to avoid the subject. She's scared, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that. I guess I underestimated her feelings for me. Yeah, we've been a lot closer, but I haven't stopped to think that she might be avoiding our status. It's a lot for her to take on, and I should know that better than anybody else. I guess I was just so happy with myself, with her, that I couldn't stop to see how insecure she still is about practically being in a relationship. "Melanie." I step closer to her, pausing when I'm literally inches in front of her face, and I take the rag out of her hand, tossing it someplace on the floor behind me. "Please don't ignore me," I whisper.
She sighs. "Just...look, okay? I..."
The doorbell rings. Fucking damn it. My career, once again, has stood in the way of something important. I need ten minutes, and I don't care if it makes me late or not. Trace can stand out there and yell at me all he wants, and it won't phase me. Melanie is a hell of a lot more important than some radio interview, even if my career depends on me being on time.
"You need to answer that," she murmurs.
I step up to her, and hold her face in my hands. "I don't care about it right now," I tell her, my voice trembling slightly. "Mel..."
She pulls on my shirt, forcing me to lean down towards her. Then she presses her lips to mine, strong and hard, as if she's trying to convey all of the emotions she hasn't been able to get out yet, through her kiss. "Good luck okay?" She reaches up and fixes my collar, sneaking the smallest little smile at me, before racing away again.
My eyes follow her, and she's running up the stairs so quickly that I can't get another word in. It doesn't deter my smile from forming, though. Despite the fact that I now know how scary all of this is for her, I know that deep down inside she really does want to be with me. It's just going to take some time on her part, and a big effort on my part to let her know that I'm not going anywhere...
That I'd never hurt her.
"Hey, what the fuck? I was trying to do the polite thing, you know, waiting for you to answer the door, but you left me standing there for ten minutes."
I turn to face Trace, knowing that he just let himself into my house, but not caring anyway. It's his right after all, since he still has keys, and he's the only sanity I'm going to have at my side today. "Sorry," I say sheepishly. "I just.."
"You can hold that thought," he chuckles. "I don't tell you about my sexual agenda, and I don't need to know yours either."
I glare at him. "Man, you know, screw you."
He laughs and holds his left elbow in his right hand as he rubs his chin and gives me the once over. "You look good, J," he tells me. "I guess Melanie must have had a really positive effect on you this morning."
"It wasn't like that," I groan.
"Yeah right," he laughs again. "Where is she anyway?" He begins to peer down the hallway behind me, before taking a step towards the stairs.
"She's busy." I pull him out the door by the arm, ignoring his pleas to let him ask Melanie something, that he wants to know why I'm so "stimulated". I'd kill him, and there's no time to joke around now, anyway. I want to leave the situation as is, the only memory of Melanie in my mind being the kiss we just shared.
I'll figure the confusing stuff out on my own later, when we're alone again.
Eric and Sonia greet me with a warm hello when I climb into the back seat of the oversized Suburban that's been provided for my trip to the radio station. "Hey." I don't really smile as Eric hands me a large coffee from the front seat. "Thanks."
"You all set?" He asks me as he turns the key in the ignition. "Took you awhile to get out of the house."
"He was preoccupied." Trace lets out a mischievous laugh as he pulls his seatbelt on.
"Trace told me about your phone bone," Eric laughs, as he guides the car off my property and through the large iron gate. "Now I know I'm not alone anymore."
"I don't know what you guys are talking about," Sonia pipes up from the front passenger seat. "But y'all better cool it before we get in front of curious onlookers."
I shoot Trace a dirty look, but he only smiles and raises his own cup of coffee in the air. "To new endeavors," he snickers.
"You're a fuck head, Trace."
He just shrugs.
I close my eyes and sink into the leather interior, grasping my warm coffee for dear life, as I hear Sonia begin a long winded conversation on her cell phone. I'm so fucking nervous, and all Trace has are jokes, not advice. Maybe I shouldn't be expecting him to give me advice right now though. After all, this situation is a lot different from before. He's not as paranoid about my well being now, he's just being the cocky ass he's been my whole life. I should expect it, and I have no idea why I'm getting mad at him. He's the last one I should be taking out my aggressions on right now, and I know that. I sigh, finally opening my eyes and taking a swig out of my coffee cup.
"Did you sleep?" I hear him ask me.
I turn my head in his direction. This time his eyes have lost their playfulness, and I know for the moment at least, he wants to make sure I'll be able to make it through this day. "No," I chuckle.
"Me either," he smiles and leans his head back against the seat. "But I drank about a gallon of coffee before we came to get you, so I think I'll be okay."
"Good to know." I say, with a soft laugh. "I'd be kind of embarrassed if my own personal assistant fell asleep during the interview. People might think I really am that boring."
He laughs with me one last time, before getting serious and pulling out his itinerary folder for the day. He goes over exactly what's going to happen with me, from meet and greets to the interview, and some stupid fan request hour they want me to do after we have lunch. I didn't intend on this turning into some kind of all day thing, and I groan, telling him how I feel. But he tells me it's for the best, and that I should want to do it to benefit my career. He says that after this my label won't push me so hard for a little bit, and that I can take the rest of the time before we go back to Tennessee and probably a week or so after that, for myself. I smile at the prospect, ask him if he's sure, and he tells me that he already told Johnny that was the plan.
"Why'd you do all that for me?" I smile, glancing out the window, and wincing slightly when I find we've entered down town Los Angeles.
"Because," he says softly. "You deserve to do things at your own pace, Justin. I...I know I sort of rushed you into this, and I shouldn't have."
"Yeah you should have," I tell him, giving his shoulder a reassuring pat. "I had to do it sometime, and if you didn't fix things like this, I'd be getting interviewed by some stranger. You took care of me, Trace. You always do."
He doesn't say much, though, and it's a little strange. I thought he'd be more excited about today. It's basically the kickoff of our thing again, him and I handling business, watching the money pour in like we've always done since I first joined NSYNC. "Are you sure everything is okay with you?" I say to him after awhile.
"Yeah," he says quickly. "Why?"r32;
"You just seem a little bit off." I eye him suspiciously. "You can tell me if something is going on. What about you and Tarin? Did you ever work things out with her?"
"We're together aren't we?" He says, a little bit harshly.
"I'm just asking," I say, looking down at my lap. "Why are you jumping down my throat?"
"I want you to focus," he tells me sternly. "That's all. Don't worry about what's going on with me."
I cross my arms and shake my head a little. I don't get him at all, but whatever. Maybe he's right, I should just focus on the day that lies ahead of me and stop worrying about him. I was just trying to be a good friend, make sure he's okay.
But apparently Trace doesn't need my support.r32;
"We're comin up on the place now," Sonia tells me a few minutes later, looking back at me over her seat. "You sure you're okay? Anything last minute you need from me?"
I don't say anything, just shake my head and she gives me a reassuring little smile, trying to tell me that everything is going to be okay. "Just relax," she says, warmly. "You've done this a thousand times."
"Psh," I scoff. "Not like this."
I feel my cellphone vibrating in my pocket, and I pull it out quickly as I feel the car coming to a halt. I'm going to have to ignore it in a few minutes, probably give it to Trace to hold, since I'll be busy shaking hands and posing for pictures, and he's always been good at taking messages for me. I look down at the screen, and smile when I see I have a new text message from Melanie.
I have the radio on right now. It's like a Justin marathon. Are you Jesus? I hope they give you guys some good nommy noms. Bren's appointment is at noon, so I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel Trace looking over my shoulder, and I quickly hide my screen and shoot him a dirty look. "Stop eavesdropping."
"Tell her radio food is the pits, and that I can't stand fruit platters or cheese and crackers," Trace grins.
"I don't think she cares what you don't like," I reassure him with a smile, and turn away from him so I can text her back in privacy.
Radio food is the pits, but we're going to lunch with some people later on. I'll be later than I thought. I have to do some special hour radio thing after we eat, so I'm sorry. Give my princess some kisses on her nose, and I'll give you some of my own later ;)
Slow down Tonto. She responds shortly after. I'll talk to you later.
I find myself smiling like an idiot, only being snapped out of it when Trace nudges me a little bit. "Huh?"
"You got the phone bone again didn't you?" He laughs.
"Man, whatever." My face begins to turn red, as I slap my cell into his hand. "Just hold onto it for me, okay?"
"You sure I should do that?" Trace questions me mischievously. "I'm liable to get bored and start texting Melanie with questions you don't want me to ask."
"If you want to get Tarin in bed tonight, without bruises on your balls, you won't do it," I say, smugly.
"You two quit it with the sexual innuendoes ," Sonia says to me once she opens my door. "I got Barry Weiss texting me every five minutes wanting to know if you've breathed the wrong way, so don't make me tell him you're being a mischievous little ass right now, Justin."
"You know, Sonia," Trace chimes in. "You're really kind of sexy when you're under pressure."
She glares at him. "Get outta the car."
Trace climbs over me, snickering the entire time, and waits off to the side with Sonia as Eric comes around and tells me that he's got "everything under control". I get out, knowing what he was referring to when he said "everything", right away. Naturally there are girls standing around the entranceway, a little over a dozen of them, cameras at the ready, waiting to get close to me so they can snap a picture in my face and scream my name. It's been a while since I was faced with this, and part of me doesn't want to deal with it, but I know that I have to. I have to make myself look good today, and I guess being nice to fans is part of that too.
Eric walks behind me, Sonia in front, Trace in front of her, as I make my way towards the door. The screams are automatic, and the flashes follow soon after. "Hey girls." I flash them a smile and wave.
‘OH MY GOD!'
I laugh a little and shake my head, as the door is opened for me. A couple of burly looking gentleman race to either side of the crowd, holding them back from following me inside the building, and the tension immediately leaves my body.
Yep, I still got it, and I can't deny the fact that it makes me feel great to know that.
"Tarin says hurry up and get your booty in the studio," Trace chuckles as he looks at his phone, once the four of us are safely inside the elevator.
"Tell her she needs to be patient." I say, finishing the last drops of my coffee. "I'm a superstar, tell her that too."
"Hey, its not my fault if your balls get bruised then," he laughs.
"Quit it," Sonia snaps as the elevator stops and the doors ding open. "Put that thing away, Trace."
Soon we're in a place I recognize...the station's main floor. I feel a little bit safer, knowing that the doorway will be heavily guarded and the psychos won't be able to get to me up here. I look on with a smile as Sonia and Trace veer off to the side, bickering back and forth about his immaturity. It's familiar, something I remember from the last time we were here the day before the single dropped, and I feel good. I feel like I never really left my career, that it's been waiting for me this whole time I was getting my head together.
"Hey, finally!"
Tarin steps out of a side hallway, her boss David, in toe. I smile and step forward as Eric takes a seat in one of the chairs against the wall. "Hey girl." I pull her into a quick hug, and give her a little wink. "Ready?"
"Fuck, yes," she says, her voice full of exhilaration. "I'm so psyched for this, and oh my gosh, you look great!"
I feel myself blush a little. "Aw come on, Tar. You don't have to be so nice to me today."
"Justin." David steps into our little conversation and smiles at me enthusiastically, sticking out his hand for me to shake. "It's really great to have you here, man. Seriously, thank you for the opportunity. It's gonna do so much for us here."
David Foster is such a cool fucking guy. He really knows everything about the radio industry, and I couldn't have asked for a better guy to earn the spot of General Manager here. The last time I saw him, he was just the head intern, what Tarin is now, but I put in a good word in for him at Clear Channel during some meeting and he was promoted soon after. He was the first one that really believed in my single, forced it into continuous play the first week it was out, and got it noticed by critics and the smaller stations quickly. "Just returning the favor," I smile at him. "Trace..." I glance over my shoulder and motion him over from the other side of the room. "Look who's here."
"Oh..." He pauses for a moment, then smiles. "Hey, David." He walks over to us causally, not hesitating to give Tarin a quick hug and kiss before shaking his hand.
"Trace." David nods, smirking a little. "Great to see you as always."
"Likewise."
It gets quiet all of a sudden. I feel a strange tension in the air and I look at Tarin nervously, as to ask her what the hell is going on. But she only smiles, and starts to ease the awkwardness of the moment by rambling off days events. It gets us all to focus, which is good, but I can't shake off the feeling that something weird is going on. It's like, Trace wasn't happy to see David at all, which is strange because they usually get along so well. I don't know though, maybe I shouldn't analyze it this much. It's a crazy day, everybody is on edge, and I guess that's probably the reason for the awkwardness.
I don't have enough time to dwell on it anyway. As soon as Sonia makes her way over, complaining that I'm horrible at introducing her to people, David leads all of us into the studio where JoJo is already sitting, broadcasting my music over the air. Trace and I smile and slap hands with him as Tarin, Sonia, and David take their respected positions in the room.
"There's four girls." Eric says as he sticks his head in the room. "Some contest I guess? They're supposed to sit in here with y'all."
"Crap, that's right," Tarin says, looking at me with wide eyes. "Justin, I should have told you before hand. I'm sorry."
"You didn't tell him?" David shoots at her, seemingly annoyed.
She doesn't acknowledge his remark.
I could freak out, tell her I dont' want any strange fans sitting so close to me today when I'm nervous enough as it is, but I don't want to be a dick. Trace would never let me live it down if I destroyed his girlfriends upbeat mood, and I knew I was going to have to deal with strangers today anyway. "No, it's completely cool," I tell her as I look back at Eric over my shoulder. "Just send them in if they won."
"I'll leave so Eric can sit next to you instead," Trace tells me quietly.
I look at him. "You don't have to."
"No, really," he smiles and nudges me a little as he gets up from his chair. "I have to call a few people anyway, and I can't do it in here. I'll see you during the break."
While I'd probably feel completely stress free having Eric seated beside me, I know the whole point of this was to have Trace beside me to keep me sane. But I guess I can't have the best of both worlds, and Sonia will be here if I need some kind of guidance I guess. "Well, all right," I say to him softly.
I watch him go and soon after, Eric escorts the four girls he was referring to inside, gently telling them to take a seat at the other end of the room as he takes Trace's place next to me. They're shocked, bewildered, and stare at me with wide eyes as they take their seats. I wave a little and smile. One girl in particular starts to hide her face in her friends shoulder, and her friend rolls her eyes and tells me that she's sorry. I just shrug, tell her that I'll talk to them after the interview.
They seem harmless. I mean, I can handle it, I'm sure.
Soon enough, I'm handed the headphones by Tarin and she claps her hands excitedly before the studio tech gives the signal that we're about to go live on the air. I exchange glances with Sonia, and she gives me a reassuring smile that everything is going to go as planned.
"So I was sitting here in the studio, playing this weird music for you guys, and then suddenly about half a dozen people showed up with this Justin guy." JoJo laughs into the microphone. "And I don't know. I don't know what the big deal is. He doesn't dress in drag, he doesn't pole dance. I don't know Tarin, what do you think about Justin?"
"Justin doesn't need pole dancing. He's much more talented than that." Tarin says brightly and professionally. "Although, I have heard that he has a pair of patented leather platform shoes." She eyes me quickly and sticks her tongue out at me.
My mouth hangs open as I stare at Tarin, knowing Melanie was completely behind that one, and I find myself smiling after awhile. She was thinking of me. She wanted me to know that while she couldn't be here with me physically, she'd still be here in some form. "You got me," I sigh. "It's...it's not something I like to talk about."
We all start to crack up, and immediately my mind is put at ease. I know that I'm going to be okay and that nobody is going to make me feel uncomfortable.
I'm exactly where I need to be.
The interview is filled with the usual questions that I'm always asked, minus the ones about Britney, Janet, and the kidnapping. Tarin throws her humor in every now and then, spouting off some remark or bringing up an embarrassing story about her old days when she was just a teenage intern and I had bleach blond hair. I wish every press interview could be like this one, that Tarin could always be around to put me in a good mood and ease my tensions away, but that's unrealistic.
"So..." Tarin says looking down at her notes. "Rumor has it that you're touring next year in Europe? I'm a little jealous, you know. I want some more US dates."
I suck in a breath, and Tarin stares at me like she knew it was going to be a rocky subject for me. There was nothing she could have done though. I saw the question on the paper plain as day when Sonia showed it to me, and I could have said something about it, but then I would have had to explain my situation with Melanie...which was out of the question. I know Mel is listening right now, probably saying ‘what the fuck?' and I I'm going to have to explain myself when I get home. But right now I have to be professional, and answer the question before I start to look suspicious to everyone in the room. "Yeah, um...I was supposed to go last year but we had to put it off..." I pause and rub the back of my neck. "We're talking about January, maybe the week after New Years, for the kick off. I'm kind of rusty, you know? I was talking my choreographer the other day about it and he kept telling me how he was going to crack the whip and make me bust my ass to get prepared."
God, I hope Mel doesn't hate my guts right now.
"Yeah well, JoJo and I are expecting an all expenses paid trip to see the show, Justin," Tarin warns me playfully.
"You can count on it. It'll be a party," I laugh. "You can broadcast from there and everything."
"And what's going on with this single!" She says, forcing impatience into her voice. "Here I was thinking that we could play it today, and you bring me nothing but stories about your platforms."
I laugh heartily, and can hear the four girls in the corner giggling quietly to each other. "Come on, Tarin. You know I'm a perfectionist. I have to tweak it still. You'll get your copy, I promise."
"The least you can do is give me a title, Justin," she pouts.
"It's called, I Just Wanted You to Know," I say with a smile. "Something to drive the ladies wild, you know? I'm good at that."
"Oh lord," Tarin rolls her eyes. "Let's not get so egotistical now, Justin. Not when you have nothing to back it up with. I can't take you seriously until I hear this song."
"We better be first too," JoJo chimes in. "Or else I'll come to your house, dressed in drag, and pole dance until you give it to me."
"He's serious," Tarin continues. "I have pictures of when he did that to Britney. She said JoJo was much sexier in his underwear than you ever were."
"Oh-ho you had to go there!" I exclaim though my laughter. "Didn't you?"r32;
"What?" Tarin says innocently. "I'm just warning you."
We both stare at each other and try our best not to let our laughter take over, because the tech is signaling that we have to cut off in a few seconds.
"Oh man." JoJo huffs. "Well, Justin and Tarin have taken their little battle out into the hallway, and we have to cut to a break anyway. When we come back, we'll start to take some questions from you guys, so if you're trying to call in just keep holding on. And don't forget, at one o'clock we're going to do the request lines with Justin too. Slap that hand away from the dial. Slap it!"
The red letters across the room that glow a bright red "On The Air' go dark, and I throw my headphones off, letting out a relieved sigh. "Whoo boy," I chuckle.
"Well?" Tarin says, coming around the table and standing before me. "How'd I do."
My gaze turns serious as I stare her in the eyes. "Horrible." I feel Sonia swat me on the arm, and I wince. "Okay, sorry! I meant, you were great," I give her a genuine smile and stand up. "You were really, great, Tarin." I wrap my arms around her and pull her into a tight hug. I'm so proud of her. She was so composed, didn't show a sign of how nervous I'm sure she was, and it helped me to melt into the moment. "Thank you," I whisper.
"No, thank you." She smiles brightly as she pulls away from me.
"You guys sounded great." Trace opens the door and walks back into the room with a smile. "I was listening out there."
"She's got a lot of potential." David speaks up after a minute or two. "I think she'll be a great asset to the morning show, don't you think Justin?"
"Yeah, absolutely," I smile at him, and shake his hand again when he sticks it out for me to take. "When does she get the job?"
"I don't know," he shrugs, and eyes Trace a little bit. "How about we try on Monday, Jo?"
"Yeah," JoJo says with a smirk, still programming some stuff into the computer for the next segment. "I could use a new slave around here."
Tarin's eyes get wide and she looks back at David. "Are you kidding?"r32;
He shakes his head and kisses her cheek. "Nah," he chuckles and walks towards the door. "I don't go back on my promises. Have somebody bring coffee, would you?" He says, patting Trace on the shoulder. "I gotta use the toilet."
Tarin sits down as soon as David is out of site, and covers her mouth with her hands. "Holy fuck."
I eye the fans in the corner who have been watching all of this intently. "Sorry to get all sentimental," I say in a goofy voice. "We got a lot going on in this little area."
They nod and giggle, telling me I can be as sentimental as I want. I look back at Sonia and Eric who just laugh and shake their heads at me. "Hey, don't look like your world is collapsing," I say to Tarin, who has resorted to covering her face with her hands now. "You done good."
She doesn't share my joy, but I figure she's just shocked that everything is happening so quickly. I'd tell her its the nature of the business, but right now isn't the time to have a long winded conversation with her. This is still an event, there are still fans, and I'm sure the suits are going to be coming soon to meet us for our lunch date. I'll have time to talk to her and Trace later on, and they can both tell me how they feel about all of this. "So, what's next?"
"Us!" One of the girls in the corner exclaims.
r32;I laugh, and eye Trace, who tells me that I have time. That they're going to play a bunch of songs, giving me at least twenty minutes before the next segment. "Yeah," I nod. "That's cool. I'll meet y'all out there where there's more room."
Our group moves out into the office again, and Eric stands at my side as the first two girls come over to me. It's Katie and Kelly. They're sisters and they live in Santa Monica. I thank them for coming out, joke with them about something meaningless, and take a couple of pictures with them. They aren't grabby, and they don't pry into things that are none of their business, so Eric never has to unleash his scary side, and I'm thankful. Another intern comes and escorts them somewhere afterwards, and I call back to them that I'll see them for the next segment. They're thrilled, and that's a really good thing. It means they know what happened to me, they know it messed me up, but they still want to be my fans regardless.
It makes me trust the world, just a tiny bit more than I've been able to for awhile.
The last pair of girls make their way up to me now. I chuckle a little as I eye one of them. She's the one who had buried her face in her friends shoulder upon seeing me. "You're not scared of me now, I hope," I tell her with a smile once they're standing in front of me.
"Sorry," she bites her lip nervously as she stares me in the face. "I just...was kind of nervous."
"She's a mental case," her friend sighs.
"Don't worry, I was nervous too," I reassure her, as I put an arm around her. I can feel her tremble a little, and I laugh slightly. I'd almost forgotten what kind of reaction I get out of people when I meet them sometimes. "What's your name?" I ask the nervous one.
"N-Natalie," she says, her face turning red.
"I'm Sarah," her friend reminds me.
"Oh damn," I laugh, throwing my free arm around her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to forget you."
"It's okay," she sighs, giving me a star struck smile. "Natalie is an attention whore."
"Sarah!"
I laugh out loud, and eye Natalie again. She's not wearing a pass like the last two girls were. No, this one says "visitor" on it, and I know that means she's a friend, or relative of somebody who works here.
"Look this way guys."
Tarin is standing there with the camera, giving me an impatient look, and I quickly pull the two girls closer to me and smile a perfect smile for the picture.
"Aw, how nice," Tarin says, handing the digital camera back to Natalie. "So sentimental Justin." She shoots me a playful look. "You have fifteen, okay?"
I nod at her quickly. "So who are you here with?" I ask, turning back to the girls as they both study the picture on the camera. "David Foster or..."
"Oh no," Natalie giggles, meeting my gaze. "Kerri Donovan got us passes. You know her, right?"
For a moment, I think I may be in the middle of a dream. Maybe I didn't wake up yet, and I'm just dreaming of the next days activities. Kerri is coming into the conversation because I'm about to have a nightmare. Yeah, that's gotta be it.
I need to wake up, right now.
"Justin?"
I look at Natalie again. Her eyes are filled with curiosity as if she doesn't understand why I've suddenly stopped talking to her. "Oh...sorry. Yeah, um, I know her. How do you know her?" I ask gently, quickly looking over my shoulder to see if Trace has been in earshot during this. He hasn't though. I spy him standing back near the elevators, talking on his cell phone, unaware that anything is happening.
Maybe...maybe this girl is just a friend of Kerri's, and Kerri asked Trace to do this. Yeah. Yeah that's all it is. I smile at her as I wait patiently for the answer I'm sure of.
"She's dating my brother," Natalie informs me. "She got us in as a favor, since she works here and everything. Do you want me to tell her you said hello? She's around here somewhere. I saw her right before we went into the studio with you."
I'm going to murder Trace. Get a knife, and slice his dick off, so he knows exactly how I feel. It all makes sense now, the way he pushed me into this, how he suddenly decided to take his position back. It wasn't because he gave a shit about me, or wanted to help me...nothing like that. This has all been done for Kerri's sake, for Tarin's sake, and for his own.
I'm just the victim.
I'm going to throw up.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
