Tarin felt better after she started taking her prenatal vitamins.  She went back to work yesterday only because she didn’t want to walk into work on Monday and be overwhelmed, and I’m happy to report she only threw up once the entire day.  David had asked her what exactly was wrong with her, and she made up some bullshit story that she ate some bad drive thru. He didn’t ask for a doctor’s note, so I guess that’s good.  I guess that means our secret is basically safe.

Well, for now.

Lynn called yesterday too, completely oblivious to my current situation with Justin.  She was talking about business, going on about things Justin had supposedly told me like I was in tune with the situation and we hadn’t been fighting.  Thank God I’m still a great bullshit artist despite everything that’s going on.  I’m sure if she thought otherwise she would have caught the first flight out to Los Angeles.  Maybe I should have confided in Lynn though, pissed Justin off by sending mommy out to investigate our mishap and his “friendship” with Melanie.

But I really don’t have time to be playing war games right now, and yeah...I guess Melanie doesn’t deserve to be swept up in all the drama that comes with dating Lynn Harless’s darling baby boy just yet either.  That time will come when we’re all back home, with the family, and she’ll find out first hand just how treasured Justin is to everyone.  I wonder what she’ll think, if she’ll hate being stared at and picked over by them.  Something tells me she won’t care as much as I’d like her to, that she’s too strong to be torn apart by a bunch of southern folk.

They’re gonna love her, and Justin will fall deeper in love with her because of that.

I don’t want to think about what Kerri will do when she finds out about Melanie. It’s going to hit her dead on, slap her in the face, and tell her she’s been phased out by Justin almost completely.    I should talk to him about it, but I just don’t know where to begin.  We have to get our own issues straight before we can even begin to talk about Kerri’s, and that includes figuring out the reason he beat her up too.  I’d rather just avoid all of it, stay in my condo with my girlfriend, curled up on the couch with some food and game shows, but that’s not how life is.  Tarin likes to go out and be social...and yeah, I know I do too.  We’ll go to the stupid party, Justin will give me dirty looks all night, and I’ll get drunk with Marty and Jason, trying to ignore reality for as long as I can.  

“Trace can you zip this?”

I turn to find Tarin standing with her back turned towards me, holding the bottom part of her dress up with one hand as she waits for me to help her with the rest.  I put my beer down letting out a little sigh as I approach her, and do as she’s asked.  “I don’t see why you’re getting dressed up,” I tell her.  “It’s Justin’s, not the Grammies.”

“I like to look presentable.”  She turns to face me and rolls her eyes as she pats my cheek.  “We can’t all be as rustic as you, dear.”

“Dear?” I snicker.  “Where’s that coming from?”

“Just put on a button down or something,” she pleads, as she tugs on the sleeve of my tee shirt.  “Please, Trace? We won’t be able to get out as much pretty soon, you know?  I mean they might take pictures, and I still look cute.”

I just laugh and shake my head as I put my arms around her and place my hands on her ass as I pull her closer to me.  “More than cute.”  I bite my bottom lip as she rolls her eyes.  “Maybe we can stay home and I’ll show you how cute you really are.”

“God, just change,” she says, trying to hide her smile as she swats the side of my head with her hand.  “You’re not going to get your way tonight, Trace.”

I sigh, because I know that tone in her voice.  It’s the one that tells me she’s serious, that this is what she wants to do and I better obey.  I hate that she has me so whipped.  I wasn’t even this whipped when I was engaged before, but then again...Elisha wasn’t pregnant.  I don’t know though, I think Tarin may have had me wrapped around her finger long before this even happened.  She’s said jump and I’ve asked how high.  I don’t really understand why that is.  It’s like...I’m afraid she’s going to get upset with me if I don’t do what she wants...

But that’s so...gay.

“You don’t really need me to come,” I pout as I walk towards the bedroom door.  “Why can’t you just go and have fun with Mel by yourself?  I’ll even drop you off.”

She huffs harshly and crosses her arms.  “Because you’re a big boy and you can handle your little shit with Justin like an adult.  We’ve been through this too, and I thought you agreed to just move ahead and not act like a wimp.  Besides, your sister is meeting us here, and I think she’d start to ask a lot of questions if you dropped us off at the party and went back home, don’t you?.”

Fuck, how could I forget?  I returned my sisters phone call the day after she left me the message and all she could talk about was how excited she was to be meeting my new girlfriend and Justin’s “helper” at the same time.  I hated how out of the loop she was, and the fact that I couldn’t clear the air and let her know how things were really going.  I mean, maybe after tonight I’ll be able to sit her down and spill my guts, but seeing as how my girl is pregnant I still didn’t bother to tell her during our phone conversation, I certainly wasn’t going to tell her about everything else.

She’s going to kill me.

“Fine, I get it, but I’m not a wimp,” I grunt, giving the door a push to open it.  “He’s a fucking asshole, and I don’t feel like....”

“Go change,” she says, cutting me off with a stern tone and pointing her finger in the direction of my bedroom.  “You don’t want to make a pregnant woman emotional do you?”

I shake my head roughly, because I really fucking don’t.  This week has proven to me how much I really need Tarin to stay happy until the baby comes, and I’m going to do what I have to do to keep her this way.  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I grumble, and step inside the bedroom.

It’s dark and I flop face down on the bed for a few moments.  I can hear the TV blaring softly from the living room, and I know she’s waiting, but I just don’t care right now.  I feel like disappearing, getting away from my life for just a little while.  Drinking will be good, and I know that, but it shouldn’t be my answer.  I can’t turn into my father, and I know with all the stress that’s piling up on my shoulders right now, I very well could.  I’d never forgive myself...

So I have to get up and get dressed.

It takes me forever to find a plaid shirt and jeans to wear.  I keep thinking Tarin won’t like  what I put on, and I’ll have to go back and pick out something else.  It’s silly, really.  I’m sure she won’t care, she just didn’t want me going to this thing dressed like I was about to take part in a backyard hoe down.  She means well too.  She wants me to look good because it turns her on, and I shouldn’t have an issue with that.  I turn around and look at myself in the mirror that’s on the wall above the dresser, smiling a little when I see my reflection.  I do look....sort of good.  Yeah, I do, and my woman will think I’m hot shit.

Fuck Justin.

Who cares what he thinks, or how he looks at me?

Tarin is the only one in the room who will matter.

I hear the doorbell go off several minutes later, and I know my sister has arrived.  My stomach does flip flops as I race to the bedroom door and thrust it open.  Tarin is getting up from the couch, staring at me with wide eyes, and I know she’s scared.  I can’t blame her.  “That’s Brit I guess,” I nod.

“Well...are you gonna let her in?” Tarin says, with a light laugh.

I huff but don’t respond as I quickly make my way across the room and over to the door.  I gently open it, to find my sister standing before me, that big, bold smile plastered across her face like she’s just full of mischief.  It makes me want to groan in her face, but I hold it back.  “Hey!” I say, managing to sound excited as I pull her into a hug.

“Hey Trace.” She gives me a quick pat on the back and pulls away from me, a sign that she’s a little too nervous to be her playful self.  “I got caught in traffic, and I started to think you’d leave without me to avoid awkward confrontation with your girlfriend.”

I just shake my head and laugh.  “Tarin never would have let me do that,” I reassure her as I step aside so she can enter before me, and I follow her back inside.

But Tarin isn’t standing in the living room anymore.

“So...where is she?” Brittany laughs, as she turns to face me.  “Did you hide her?  You did didn’t you?”

“No...”  I smirk as I make my way back across the living room.  “She must have gone into the bathroom.”

“Mmm,”  Brittany crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at me.  “Well you better go find her then, right?”

“You know, you’re a pain in my ass,” I chuckle as I open the bedroom door and peer inside.  The bathroom door is open a crack, and I listen for a moment or two before calling out to my girlfriend.  “Tar?”

The next thing I hear are the all too familiar sounds of her vomiting into the toilet.

Fuck my life.

I quickly close the door and turn back to Brittany, who seems all too amused.  “She’ll be out in a minute.”

More vomiting sounds erupt from behind the closed door a minute later, and my sister looks at me strangely, like she doesn’t know what to think.  “Is...that your girlfriend getting sick?”

I nod slightly, but barely look at her.  “She’s a little bit sick.”

“And you’re still making her go to the party?”

I just shrug.  “Well she’s...she’s not catching.  She wants to go out, she’s been in bed most of the week.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Brittany sighs.  “I would have waited for a better time.”

A better time.  Yeah, like in December, because that’s when Tarin will probably start feeling like herself again.  Only, I know Brittany can’t wait that long, and neither can my family.  “It’s okay,” I reassure her softly, as I slowly make my way past her and sit down on the couch.  “She wanted to meet you anyway.”

Brittany helps herself to a beer out of the fridge while we wait for Tarin to grace us with her presence.  When five minutes turns into a half hour though, I decide that it’s been too long, and excuse myself from my sister so I can make sure Tarin is okay.  I make my way to the bedroom slowly, but basically throw myself through the bathroom door once I’m out of my sisters sight.  I find Tarin on the floor, leaning over the toilet, her hair hanging sloppily in her face, and I feel fucking horrible.  “Tarin...”

“I’m sorry,” she rasps, as she coughs into the bowl.  “All of a sudden it came up.” She shakes her head. “I’m a mess.”

I grab a washcloth from the shower and wet it under the faucet, before crouching down next to her and wiping the hair out of her face.  “Here, lean into me.”

She does, and I press the cool cloth against her forehead.  “That feels nice,” she says, with a small smile.

“Do you want me to take you to the emergency?” I ask her, not being able to hold back the worry in my voice.

“Trace, this is normal,” she reassures me.  “Just more of the same, you know that.  It’s not going to stop for awhile.  Your sister must be grossed out though, right?”

I shrug.  “She feels bad.  She didn’t want to embarrass you.”

“Hmph, wait til she finds out what’s up,” she snickers.  “She won’t feel so bad then.”

I look up at the ceiling and sigh.  “I'm not going to tell her.”

“You need to tell her,” Tarin said gruffly.  “You do.”

I’m fucking terrified.  It’s too soon for somebody this close to me to know.  I don’t know how she’s going to react, if she’s going to pick up her cell phone the first chance she gets so she can tell my mother.  I couldn’t deal with that tonight...not tonight.  “Not tonight,” I hear myself repeat out loud.  “It’s too soon.”

“You’re just fucking scared,” she groans.  “Get over it, Trace.  You have to tell people, you know? I’m telling my parents this weekend whether you like it or not, so get used to it.”

I glare down at her a little.  “I thought we were going to discuss that.”

“What’s to discuss?  This is getting lame, okay?  We’re not teenagers, we can handle our families, at least...I know I can handle mine.  What...I mean is your mom some kind of lunatic?”

“No...”

“Then so what if she knows?”  Tarin pulls away from me and takes the washcloth from my hand as she stands up.  “I’d rather people know from the beginning, that way they can’t condemn us for keeping a secret or something stupid like that.”

Tarin has a lot of valid points, it’s just a shame that I’m too much of a pussy to stand up and be that bold.  “I haven’t figured out how to tell her yet, okay? My mom has enough problems.”

“Like what?”  Tarin turns and braces herself against the sink.  “What is it about your family that you hate so much, Trace?  I know you haven’t told me everything.  You fucking avoid talking about them like the plague, and I don’t really get it.  The whole time I’ve known you, all you’ve ever told me is how close you are with your brother and sister, and that your mom raised you on her own.  I hate to clue you in babe, but that’s not the weirdest situation in the world.  But I mean, hey...maybe I can’t understand.  My parents have the typical high school sweetheart marriage, and the house with a white picket fence.”

I back up against the wall, feeling my fists ball themselves up at my sides.  I hate that she’s picking my reasoning behind this apart right now.  I wish she’d let me handle it on my own and tell who I want to tell, when I choose to.  But she won’t.  She wants to get the hard shit out of the way as soon as possible, with good reason.  I know it’s bad for her to be stressed out while she’s pregnant, and I’m not making things easier...but she doesn’t fucking know.  She doesn’t know how high strung my mom can be, how demanding.  She doesn’t know that my dad is a fucking loser, because I haven’t even told her about him, or his drinking problem.

I should though.  I can’t keep shit from her for too much longer.

“Well I guess that means you don’t want to talk about this,” Tarin says, frustrated.  “Hold on, let me get myself together so I don’t look sick.  Wouldn’t want your sister to find out anything important tonight.”

She starts to wash her face and I feel like walking away, but I don’t.  I just stand there, and stare at her backside, because I don’t know what the fuck else to do.  “You don’t have to deal with my mom,” I hear myself muttering a moment later.  “You don’t know what she’s like.”

The water turns off, and Tarin turns to me.  “So explain it to me, genius.”

“In her mind, I should still be engaged to my ex,” I tell her.  “She’s going to go ballistic when I spring this on her, she won’t accept it.”

“Well do you love me or don’t you?”

I look at her like she’s crazy.  “What the fuck?”

“Answer the question,” she whispers.

“You know I do.”

“Then stop caring what she thinks.”  She throws the washcloth in the sink, and takes my hand in hers.  “She’ll have to realize that you’ve moved on, and that you love me, Trace.    If she doesn’t...I mean, what can you do?  That’s your mom, she can’t just...stop loving you.  She’ll get over it.”

“You don’t know my mom,” I smile.

She just shrugs.  “I don’t care about your mom, and I’d kiss you right now, but I probably have vomit breath, so let’s just go talk to your sister so we can get going.”

I kiss her anyway.  “I’m sorry.”

She sighs and pulls my hand so I’ll follow her out into the living room.  My sister is sitting on the couch, but quickly gets up when she sees us coming towards her.  “We made it back,” I tell her tiredly.  “Sorry.”

“God, are you sure you’re okay, hun?” Brittany asks Tarin gently.  “I could have come another night.”

Tarin eyes me slightly and just chuckles.  “No, I think you picked the best night to meet me.”

“Yeah...” I trail off and laugh a little.  “So, Britt this is Tarin.  Tarin, my sister Brittany.”

They shake hands, and my sister tells her how long she’s waited to meet her, which causes Tarin to look at me and point out the fact that I’m famous for putting things off.  It makes me cringe, and I feel myself start to lose my temper but I catch myself before I say something stupid.

“So what, do you have like the flu?” Brittany asks as we begin to gather our things so we can head out to the parking lot.  

“Um, sort of,” Tarin says quickly.

“I had that two months ago, I couldn’t get out of bed for a week and a half.  Trace brought me soup.”

“How sweet.” Tarin flashes me a cheesy grin, and I roll my eyes.  “Trace, you haven’t cooked me soup yet.”

I sigh as I open the door for the girls.  “I’ve cooked for you though.  That counts, and Britt that shit was out of a can, you’re just talking it up.”

Brittany just shrugs.  “Hey, it tasted good.  Better than Top Ramen.”

Her phone begins to ring, distracting her as we make our way to my car.  I’m thankful, and take the opportunity to grab Tarin’s hand and pull her close to me so I can press my lips to her cheek.  “I love you,” I whisper.  “I’m sorry about before.”

“You already apologized,” she says lightly.  “Don’t worry about it, just try to figure out how you ‘re going to tell your sister.  Saying something before we get to Justin’s would be a great thing too.”

I roll my eyes as she pulls away and walks on ahead of me.  I try to formulate some kind of miracle plan in my head.  The kind that’s going to make my sister feel happy about this situation rather than confused and pissed off, but of course I can’t think of anything that creative.  Hell, maybe I’ll just blurt it out when we get in the car.  Maybe I’ll say “Hey Britt, guess what? Me and Tarin are having a baby! Isn’t that great?”

“Shit, Trace...she’s getting sick again!”

I snap out of my deep thought in time to see my girlfriend bent over a bush, hurling down into it, as my sister steadies her.  Great.  This is just fucking wonderful.  How am I supposed to explain this now? Brittany is going to think Tarin is much too sick to venture out tonight, when in reality she’s just having pregnancy issues that can’t be avoided no matter where she is.  I quickly walk up to them and take my sisters place so I can rub Tarin’s back as she finishes up.  “You okay?” I whisper.

“I hate this,” she groans miserably a few minutes later, grabbing a wet nap that my sister has graciously decided to hand her.  She wipes her mouth off and looks up at me with a tired expression.  “Nine months of this, Trace? I’m going to kill myself!”

That slipped out, and I can tell Tarin knows she spoke up at the wrong time.  Her eyes are wide,  and when I manage to look over at my sister, I find that she’s staring back at us with a confused expression.  Maybe she doesn’t get it.  Maybe she’ll play it off as nothing.

“Trace...” Brittany trails off, her eyes shifting between myself and Tarin.  “What’s going on?”

Shit.

“You better just tell her,” Tarin practically orders, as she opens the passenger side door.  “I’ll wait for you.”

The door slams and I know she’s left the conversation with my sister up to me to finish.  I’m so lost though, that the most I can do is stare back at Brittany like I’ve lost complete control of the situation.

“Tell me what? Trace, I have the strangest feeling that I know exactly what’s wrong with her, and I really don’t want to be right.  Tell me that she’s not pregnant.”

I don’t answer her, just shrug, because I feel like such an idiot.

“She is.” Brittany drops her arms at her sides, seemingly defeated...let down, and I feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.  “Fuck, Trace,” she groans.  “Why didn’t you say something? Mom is going to kill you.”

For some reason, I knew that would be the first thing out of her mouth, and I find that I’m laughing now, not freaking out.  “You’re right,” I tell her.

“Stop laughing! How long has it been?”

“Maybe a month,”” I tell her softly.  “We have to go back to the doctors on Monday.”

“Well are you keeping it?”

“Britt, you should know that answer already.”  I put my hand on the door handle, ready to just get in and get on with the night, but Brittany doesn’t budge.  She’s still standing there, seemingly unsure of how to react.  It’s like...I know she wants to scream at me but she knows that it won’t solve anything at the same time.  “Come on, let’s just go...”

“You’re seriously expecting me to let this go for the time being?” She scoffs.  “Are you fucking kidding me, Trace?”

“What good is it doing standing here?” I ask her, seriously.  “You know what’s going on, so what more is there to say? Do you want to call mom right now?  Will that make you feel better? Then go the fuck ahead.”

“I never said I was calling mom on you,” she says darkly. “Thanks for jumping to conclusions, asshole.”

I sigh and lean back against the car, raising my hands to my face and rubbing it harshly, trying to make myself snap out of it and be strong.  It doesn’t work though.  I’m starting to crack under all this pressure, the fact that my sister isn’t taking the news well being the icing on the cake.

“Look, I’m...I’m here for you okay?”

I feel her hand on my shoulder now, and lower my hands away from my face so I can look at her again.  She’s gazing back at me, with a sad expression on her face.  She knows that she sort of overreacted, and yeah...I guess I shouldn’t have snapped at her.  “I’m so fucking clueless, Britt.”

She nods.  “I know you must be,” she whispers.  “I...I’ll keep this between us, okay? I promise.  You can tell mom when you’re ready, and...I’ll do whatever you need me to.  I want to help however I can, and that includes getting to know Tarin too.”

All I can seem to do right now is pull her close to me and hug her harder than I have in a really long time.  I nearly break down crying, but manage to hold it all together because of the fact that Tarin might be able to see me.  “You’re my favorite sister,” I chuckle.

“I’m your only sister,” she says, flashing me a light smile once she pulls back from me.  “Come on, let’s go drink.  I think we both need it.”

For the first time I forget about the fact that I’ll be forced to be around Justin all night long.  The thought of alcohol, buffalo wings, and the game is calling to me, telling me that it’s exactly what I need to get my mind off of all this.  Hell, maybe I’ll be able to talk to Justin too.  I think the time has come for me to start being a lot more mature about shit.  Granted, he might try to punch me in the face to get revenge for the other day, but I’m prepared for it.   I’m prepared for a lot of things, it’s seems.

I have to be.

Naturally, the car ride to Justin’s is awkward.  Tarin stares out the window while Brittany makes casual small talk about school and other pointless shit, making sure to avoid the subject of the pregnancy at all costs, because I’m sure she figures that Tarin isn’t in the mood to talk about it.  That time will have to come later.  Brittany will probably want to come over in a few days and talk shit out with the two of us, and I’m sure by that time we’ll both have been able to collect our thoughts and get our shit together enough so we can deal with people starting to find out about all of this.  I’ll have met Tarin’s parents by then, and they’ll be filled in about what’s going on.  If I’m not dead, things will be pretty okay I think.

But fuck, her father is big.

I take it upon myself to enter the pin that opens Justin’s gate once we pull up to the property, and drive through it.  Brittany starts going on about how it looks exactly the same as it did when Justin first bought the place, and that he should consider remodeling with all the money he makes.  I just laugh and tell her that she knows Justin isn’t really one for change.

Tarin doesn’t say a word.

I know she’s not happy, she’s sick, exhausted, and probably more nervous being around my sister than she’s letting on.  I should have kept her home, told Brittany to come back later in the week, and simply let Tarin fall asleep in my arms.  But she never would have allowed that.  She promised Mel that she was coming to the party, and I know how much she’s started to like her, so she wouldn’t have gone back on her word.  I’m praying that she doesn’t end up getting sick again.  People would start asking a lot of questions, and Melanie already knows what’s going on, so I’m sure she’d feel even more awkward if Tarin started hurling in the bathroom.

I’ll just have to make sure Tarin takes it easy the rest of the night.

I park the car and we make our way up to Justin’s front door, Brittany taking the liberty to knock before simply opening it and letting herself inside like she comes here everyday.  It’s how she is, and Justin is like a third brother so she doesn’t feel like she’s being intrusive.  I on the other hand, can’t bring myself to enter the house for awhile, until Tarin nudges me and tells me I better get going.  I spy Justin and Mel, as well as Jason and Marty sitting on the sectional sofa as soon as I enter the house, laughing and carrying on as the TV broadcasts the game across the screen.  Justin seems carefree as ever, not having taken notice of our arrival as he sits there with one arm draped around Melanie, as she rests her head against his shoulder.

I hate that he’s happy.

He doesn’t deserve to be.

“Hey, Mel.” Tarin decides to be the bold brave one, as always, and break the ice first.  

Upon hearing her voice, Melanie looks back over her shoulder and smiles at my girlfriend. “Hey you! I was wondering when you’d show up.”

She glances at me, just slightly, but doesn’t say hello.  I contemplate saying something to her, but I opt out, knowing its for the greater good. She’s pissed at me, that’s a given, but I can’t say I blame her.  I treated her like a piece of crap on the phone the other day, I know I’m going to have to do some serious ass kissing to get on good terms with her again.

Tarin nudges me slightly and narrows her eyes when I look at her, telling me that I need to stop being a jackass and say hello, so it can eventually lead to that apology I need to give her.  “Hey, what’s going on Mel?” I say, sheepishly.

“It’s a party,” she drones, sarcastically.  “What do you think?”

Marty and Jason eye me, slightly confused, and just continue to drink their beers without making any snide remarks.  I think they know something is up and they’d rather watch me grovel in front of my supposed best friend and his girlfriend rather than try to lighten the mood.  Hell, I’m sure Justin explained to the both of them how much of a jackass I am before I even got here, so they’ve probably already chosen their side.  Fuckers.

“Hey girls,” Justin nods at Tarin and my sister and motions to an empty spot on the other side of the sofa, completely disregarding the fact that I’m even here. “Why don’t you grab a seat and have a beer or something? Jason...get them some beers from the cooler would you?”

“Oh no,” Tarin laughs nervously as she makes her way over to the couch.  “No beer for me, thanks.  I’ll just have some water.”

Justin eyes her curiously.  “You’re passing up alcohol?” He chuckles.  “What happened to you?”

“Maybe she doesn’t feel well,” Brittany rolls her eyes and glances at me just slightly, and I mentally thank her for coming to Tarin’s rescue.  ‘I’ll take one Jason.”r32;
“That’s my girl,” Jason laughs and tosses her a can when she leans over to get it from him.  “Tarin, you sure you don’t want one? It’s imported...especially for the ladies.”

Marty cracks up.  “You’re such a jackass.”

“Water is fine,” she says in between fits of laughter.  “But thanks Jason.  Your humor alone is making me like you already.”

I’m glad everybody is so warm and close already.  Too bad I’m still standing here, basically being ignored by everyone except by my girlfriend and occasionally my sister who keep glancing at me as if to tell me I need to make some kind of an effort.  But fuck that.  I practically live in this house and Justin is acting like a child.  “I’ll get you a water, Tar,” I tell her quietly.

“Who invited you?”

My gaze falls on him and he’s staring back at me, a smug little smirk on his face, as if he’s trying to tell me I’m not as intimidating as I thought I was the other day, and he doesn’t give a shit what I think.  I just shake my head.  “I came with my girlfriend,” I mutter.  “Do you have an issue, Justin?”

The room is completely silently aside from the television as Justin and I stare at each other, our gazes tense, daring one another to try something bold.

“I have an issue with unwelcome guests in my house, yes.”

“Justin, shut up,” Melanie snaps at him, giving him a cold look.  “You can be such a fucking child.  You knew I invited Tarin, so why wouldn’t she bring Trace?”r32;
He stares at her like he’s hurt, and I’m glad, but at the same time I know that Melanie isn’t feeling any better about me either.  Jason and Marty laugh and tell Melanie she’s a feisty girl and she fits right in here, and my sister starts to make small talk with everyone to lighten to the mood.  It seems to work with Jason, Marty and Tarin too.  But Melanie starts to clean up the empty plates and cups and I can tell she’s more pissed off than she was originally.  Justin simply continues to sit on the couch and stare at the television.  I know there’s about a thousand nasty things he’d like to say to me right now, but he won’t because Melanie will continue to put him in his place if he does.

And even though we aren’t on the best terms right now, I can’t deny the fact that I love Melanie as a person.

Aggravated and in need of some space, I leave them and make my way into the kitchen, grabbing Tarin a bottle of water, and one of Justin’s special label beers for myself, not giving a fuck whether or not it will piss him off.  I lean against the sink as I drink it, contemplating how I’m going to get through the rest of this night without chaos ensuing.  I don’t want to start in with Justin, ruin the party, make Tarin and Mel pissed, or show Brittany that her brother can be just as psycho as Justin at times.  I start to think about my current situation with my girlfriend, about the things we’ve talked about, and I know I have so many other things I’m going to have to deal with in the coming months that Justin’s issues shouldn’t be as high of a priority to me.  I really should just forget him.  I punched him for a good reason and if he can’t get that through his head then whatever.

I can’t dwell on his stupidity with a baby on the way.

Melanie bangs through the doorway moments later with her trash bag, and I do my best not to let out an annoyed groan.  I guzzle the rest of the beer, before putting the empty bottle in the sink as I watch her start to throw bits of trash scattered around the kitchen into her garbage bag.  She finally gets to where I’m standing, obviously have taken notice of the bottle in the sink, and gives me an impatient glare.

“Excuse me.”

I move slightly so she can retrieve the bottle, and sigh when she doesn’t give me a second glance.  “So I guess you’re staying mad at me forever too, huh?”

She drops the bottle into the trash bag and gives me an annoyed look.  “I just don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to say to you Trace.  After the way you talked to me on the phone the other day, I have a feeling that our friendship means absolutely nothing to you at all.”

“Mel, I was just...”

“No,” she cuts me off harshly.  “I don’t care what happened or who was there at the station that day.  You had no reason to treat me like I was insignificant when I was simply trying to find out if everything was okay.  Did you ever stop to think I was concerned about you too? We sat in that guest house and you trusted me with something you haven’t even told Justin about.  I thought we were close, and then you just....I don’t even know.  Is that what this Kerri girl does to you? Does she turn you against the people that should matter? What was it Trace? What got you so mad that day?  What made you hit Justin?”

She has every right to be pissed, and even more of a right to be this confused.  Hell, I can’t just tell her the truth.  Of course I can’t.  But it’s shitty because she deserves a legit explanation, and shouldn’t have to be lied to.  “You wanna know why?” I say with a sad laugh.

She places the garbage bag on the floor and puts her hands on her hips.  “Yeah, Trace, I do.”

“Because you’re boyfriend is a fucking asshole.”

“Thats a great expla...”

“And so am I,” I say, softly cutting her off, knowing that it’s the most truthful explanation I can give her right now.  

She stares at me, eyes wide, seemingly dumbfounded by my response.

“Look, I was a dick, I’m not going to deny that.  It happens sometimes, you know? I’m not the nicest person in the world, but Justin isn’t either.”  I shrug my shoulders.  “I’ve thought about what I said to you and I regret it a lot.  I should have thought about it before I talked to you that way, and I’m sorry Mel.  I am. And I get it if you still can’t be a hundred percent with me right now.  But as far as what happened between me and Justin goes, he had to be put in his place, and I know you don’t understand that...but maybe one day you will.”

She just sighs, and I’m pretty sure that she’s starting to understand that what happened runs pretty deep between Justin and I and it isn’t her place to judge me about it, despite the fact that Justin probably played me out to be the biggest asshole on the planet when she asked him what happened.  “I’m not going to push the subject with Kerri,” she tells me softly.  “I know that whatever has gone on between the three of you isn’t really any of my business, and I don’t even know her so it doesn’t bother me.  The fact that you two got into a fight over it scared me though and I didn’t know what to think.  It was like...you weren’t the same person to me anymore.  That’s why I’m mad Trace.  I hope you understand.”

I nod.  “I do, but...I don’t know you well enough to figure out how to get on your good side again.”

She unexpectedly smirks at me, as she picks up the garbage and tosses it at my feet.  “You can start by taking that out.  Then you can come back, join humanity, and eat some of this food I’ve spent all day preparing.”

I pick up the garbage, not really being able to believe that she’s simply putting her issues with the situation to the side so we can both enjoy the party.  I wish Justin was this easy going, and hopefully he’ll start to learn a thing or two from her tonight.  “Mel I...”

“Don’t,” she says softly.  “Just do what I said okay?”

I nod, flashing her a small smirk.  “Yeah, sure.”

She walks back into the living room, and I take the garbage out like she’s asked me to, before rejoining the party.  By this time a new game is flashing on the tv screen, and everybody has moved onto cocktails rather than beers...with the exception of Tarin of course.  I make my way over to her silently, glancing at Melanie from the corner of my eye as I do so.  She’s still sitting with Justin, but doesn’t hesitate to flash me a tiny smile as I take a seat next to my girlfriend and hand her the water she requested, who immediately plants a small kiss on my lips.  

“Hey you,” she says, a little tiredly as she rests her head on my shoulder.  “Everything okay?”

I shrug and put an arm around her.  “It’s fine.  How do you feel?”

“Just tired,” she nods.  “Not sick though.”

“Good.”  I rub her bare shoulder with my fingers and smile at her.  

“Thought you were leaving.”

Justin’s voice breaks into our private conversation, and I honestly feel like I could punch him again right now.  I look over at him, and find that Melanie is no longer at his side, which is probably why he feels compelled to speak his mind all of a sudden.  “Nope.”

“Justin would you get over yourself?” Tarin chimes in.  “The night is awkward enough, okay?  Trace is here, with me, and he’s not leaving...so deal with it.”

The room is silent and naturally everybody stares at us, waiting for me to go off on him or for him to go off on me.  It doesn’t happen though.  Justin only crosses his arms and stares at the television stubbornly until Marty and Jason make comments about one of the players that seems to spark his interest enough to get him to lighten up.  I eye my sister and she rolls her eyes and makes a gagging motion with her finger into her mouth, and I chuckle a little bit.  Justin doesn’t notice of course, and I know that Tarin’s comment has got him to shut up and leave me alone for the time being.

Now, I’m actually able to start enjoying the night with my girlfriend.  My girlfriend who hasn’t thrown up in a pretty good amount of time.  I smile and kiss her, and she smiles at me as we watch the game together.  Melanie returns to the room soon after with some kind of dessert that Tarin automatically tells me she can’t eat without hurling, and I don’t hesitate to sacrifice my own plate for her stomach’s sake.

The game ends, and Justin’s team prevails which automatically puts him in a great mood.  Then Jason has the brilliant idea to play some kind of board game he brought with him, and goes to get it.  I automatically know I’m not in the mood, but the girls seem all for it and I don’t want to disappoint them, so I decide to play along for the sake of my girl’s happiness.  Jason comes back and explains that the game requires two teams in order to play, and automatically pairs Justin and Mel, with myself and Tarin as one team.  I officially hate his guts, and he’s smiling like he knows it.

“I’m not playing on his team,” Justin grunts.

Everybody looks at him.

“You gotta be shitting me,” my sister says.  “Are we in elementary school?”r32;

“I’m not comfortable with it,” he says, as Melanie rolls her eyes and shifts herself away from him.  “So rearrange it differently if y’all want me to play.”

I sigh and rub my face with my hands, having had enough of his bullshit for one night.  I look at Melanie but she won’t look back at me.  Actually, the only thing she’ll look at is her hands as she stares down at them, and I know how awkward she must feel.

Then my phone rings, and I jump at the opportunity to answer it.

“Who’s calling you?” Tarin asks me as I pull it out of my pocket.

Kerri.

My brow furrows and I start to wonder why she’d be calling me now.  I mean, I know we haven’t spoken since the radio station, so that could be the reason, but damn...her timing is ridiculous.  “Kerri,” I whisper to her.

She rolls her eyes.  “Now? Don’t answer.”

I shrug.  “I’ll be one second.”  I flip open the phone as I watch Tarin shoot me an annoyed glare.  “Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey, I hope you’re not busy,” Kerri replies softly.  “I just wanted to say call and check in with you, since it’s been a little bit, and I need to ask you some things about the flight back home.”

“I’m um...”  I look up and over at Justin and Melanie again.  She’s still looking down at her lap and he’s staring at me now, probably wondering why I’m being so bold as to answer my phone in his presence and I know I couldn’t continue this conversation here if I wanted to.  “Hang on.  Can I call you back in a minute?”

“I...guess?”

“Great.”  I hang up on her, and look back at Tarin.  She looks annoyed as hell, and naturally I can’t blame her.  I really shouldn’t call Kerri back either, but at this point, I’ll do anything to get away from Justin and his attitude.  “I have to take this call, okay?”

“I will be livid if you leave right now,” she says coldly.  “Just know that.”

“Babe I’m not leaving,” I reassure her.  “I just have to take this and I’m not so keen on playing this game anyway.  Besides, there’s an odd number of people.  You can’t have full teams with an odd number of people.”

“Just go. Your excuses are idiotic,” she snaps, waving me off with her hand.

She turns away from me and I sigh.  Maybe I shouldn’t call her back, because it’s just making Tarin angry and after the week we’ve had it’s not fair to her.  

“Who’s playing! Come on, this game has good sex questions!” Jason tells us enthusiastically as begins to hand out some pads and pens to everyone.

“Trace is out,” Tarin grunts.  “He has to take a call.  I’ll be on Britts team.”

“Man you suck,” Marty tells me as I get up and start to make my way back into the kitchen.  “We’re having a party.”r32;
“I know,” I laugh.  “But I won’t be that long. Save me a spot, okay?”

But he barely hears me, because the game has started now.  My sister has thrown her arm around Tarin, probably so she won’t feel so bad about the fact that I’m basically ditching her right now, and it comforts me to know that my sister is still on my side despite everything. I decide to go ahead and call Kerri back, because I know that as long as I don’t leave this house, Tarin will forgive me at the end of the night.  I think talking to Kerri might comfort me.  I know she’s fucked up, but she’s probably the only person that really understands how much of an asshole Justin can be, and it will feel good to vent to somebody.

I open the door that leads out to the patio, and take a seat on one of the chairs as I dial Kerri back.  It only takes half a ring for her to pick up and I chuckle a little bit. “You waste no time, you know that?”

“Sorry.  Where are you? You don’t have to talk if you’re busy.”

“I’m at Justin’s,” I sigh.  “Believe me, I’m not busy at all.”

“Oh.”

I probably should have thought twice about telling her my location, but I really don’t care at this point.  Hell, it’s not like she’s going to come here or anything, so who cares if she knows?  “What’s up girl?” I ask her. “You sound out of it.”

“I’ve had a long week,” she tells me.  “Between work and Siobhan visiting I’ve barely had time to breathe.”r32;
“No shit,” I smile.  “Sio’s in town?”  

“Yes,” she mutters.r32;

“I take it that isn’t a good thing?”

“I don’t know,” she says quickly.  “I’ve been acting so fake the whole fucking week I have no idea what she even thinks about me.  I mean, we’ve been getting along I guess, but...all I keep thinking about is the last time that I saw her.  It’s really making it hard for me to focus on anything else.”

If Kerri could get her act together, having Siobhan around would be a really positive thing for her.  She could forget about Justin for once, focus on the person that she used to be.  The person that I used to love, and maybe she’d realize what she was missing out on.  “Come on, Ker.  Just ease up and snap out of it.  The radio thing is long gone and now you should be concentrating on yourself, all right?”

“Trace...you...you never told me what happened after you left that day.”

Jesus.  Tarin was right, I shouldn’t have answered.  I should have known the only reason she was calling me was to get answers about the other week, and to find out what’s going on with Justin.  I doubt she cares about me or how I feel.  “What’s to tell?” I grunt.  “We got into it, I gave Justin a nice gash on his forehead, and I went on my way.”

“What? You got into a fight?”

“Well what the fuck did you expect, Ker? I wasn’t about to let him go on living like what he did wasn’t wrong.  I put him in his place, and that’s it.  The only reason I’m here tonight is because Tarin made me come, and now he’s acting like a fucking asshole.  I wish you’d stop being so damn hung up on him.  He’s not worth it.  He’s not worth anything to anybody, Kerri.”

“Stop it,” she says, and I can tell she’s trying not to cry.  “You’re wrong you know.  He’s...he’s not like that.”

“You don’t even know him anymore.”

“Yes I do.  Let me talk to him.”

I laugh at her.  “Are you fucking nuts, girl?  Look, I’m gonna go okay? I’ll give you the flight info in a few days.  We have to book it still.”

“Trace, wait a second,” she pleads.  “Please don’t hang up.”

She sounds so desperate and I don’t really know why.  Her best friend is in town, and she obviously has the company of her boyfriend or whatever he is, to get her by as well.  She doesn’t need me.  She doesn’t need Justin.  “You really need to go spend time with Siobhan and your boyfriend.”

“He wants you to come out with us Tuesday night,” she informs me automatically.  “That’s why I’m calling.  It’s Sio’s last night in town and she told me she’d like to see you too. I just... I didn’t know you were at Justin’s.  I wouldn’t have called otherwise.”

I sigh tiredly into the phone.  Hell, at least I was sort of wrong about her reason for calling me.  For some reason, she still wants me to meet this guy she’s dating, and I guess that must mean she cares about him a little bit.  I wonder how much she’s told him about the past, how much he knows about me...about Justin...about our families.  Kerri is so closed off about that kind of stuff though, that I doubt she’s told him much.  Sometimes I feel that Justin is like this sacred possession to her.  Everything she’s ever experienced with him or felt about him is something she holds dear to her heart, and only lets a few select people in on it.  It’s weird, and frustrating...so maybe...maybe if I make the effort and meet this guy she’ll start to think that it’s worth moving forward with her life.  ‘Yeah, absolutely,” I reassure her tiredly.  “Just tell me where and I’ll be there.”

“There’s a Lakers game,” she says, a little sheepishly.  “And It’s Coopers birthday so I thought maybe you might know someone who can get us court side tickets? He doesn’t know about it, I just kind of wanted to do something special for him, you know?”

She’s asking me for a favor like I wouldn’t do it for her in a million years.  That makes me feel bad.  I know...I know I’ve been harsh with her, sometimes it’s been really bad too, almost to the point where I didn’t want to talk to her anymore, but I’ve never completely turned my back on her.  Now it’s almost like she’s afraid of me, that I’m going to tear her apart if she asks me for something.  Sure, when it comes to Justin I really don’t want anything to do with her requests, but this kind of thing should be a no brainer.  She should know I’d still do mostly anything for her.  “Ker, of course,” I laugh lightly.  “Just meet me at the venue Tuesday night okay? You don’t have to be afraid to ask me for stuff like that.”

“I just...things have been crazy.  Sometimes I feel like I do way too much to piss you off and...

“Look, I love you,” I reassure her gently.  “Justin is a fucking asshole, and I know you’re messed for the most part, because of him.  I”m sorry things have been so shitty.  I don’t want them to be like that with us anymore, especially now with Tarin and everything.”  I lean back in the chair to run a hand through my hair, but stop halfway when something stands out from the corner of my eye.  I focus my gaze on the doorway and a sinking feeling begins to form in the pit of my stomach.  Justin is leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, glaring at me like he’d like nothing more than to kick my ass.  I’m sure he’s been standing there for awhile, probably heard everything I said to Kerri...but fuck, I just don’t care.  Everything I said about him was the truth, so he’ll just have to grow up and deal with it.

“Trace, are you still there?”

I don’t take my gaze off of Justin as I answer her.  “Yeah, Ker.  I”m sorry.”

“I was saying that I love you too.  You seem distracted so...I can just let you go.”

She seems let down and that annoys me.  She takes shit like that way too personally sometimes and I remember just why it is that I can only handle Kerri in small doses.  “I’m all right,” I mutter

“No, look it’s fine.  I’ll just see you Tuesday or talk to you the night before, okay?”

I figure it’s best to agree with her, but I know the moment I hang up the phone I’m going to have to deal with Justin.  I don’t want to, I’d rather just ignore him for the rest of the night, but since he decided to spy on my conversation I guess I have no choice.  “All right,” I finally say to her.  “I’ll call you Monday to finalize everything.”

“ ‘kay,” she whispers.  “Trace, do you think you could tell Justin...”

“No,” I cut her off with a disgusted laugh.  “Forget it, Kerri.  I gotta go.”  I snap the phone closed before she can proclaim her undying love for Justin to me, and I don’t feel bad about it.  She’s confused as fuck, doesn’t know what she wants or needs.  I do though, and it’s definitely not Justin.

“So it’s not bad enough what happened between us, you have to go and talk me down even more to her?”

I look at Justin again, and he’s coming towards me looking angrier than he has the whole night.  I find myself laughing at him because he’s so fucking stupid.  I mean, I wasn’t talking him down, I was telling Kerri the truth.  “I was helping her understand what you really are, that’s all.  She’s confused.”

I fully expect him to yell back at me like the immature child he is, but he doesn’t.  He just stands there and flashes me a cocky little smirk.  “She was asking about me I bet,” he nods.  “Wanted to talk to me right? Like I’m still her best fucking friend.”

“Shut up, Justin.”

“She doesn’t even care what I did!” He yells at me.  “You’re the only one who seems to give a shit about it, so just let it go.”

I stand up and get right in his face, breathing heavily and praying that I don’t completely lose it and tackle him to the ground.  That would be bad considering there are women around and two of our friends that think Justin and I have regained most of our sanity.  “Oh you’d love that, wouldn’t you?” I say to him darkly.  “You’d be off the hook again, just like you were when you fucked Kerri that time and never called her.  She forgave you for that shit too didn’t she?”

“That doesn’t have anything...”

“Fucked her good didn’t you Justin?” I smirk.  “It was a nice distraction when Britney was being a bitch, huh?”

“Shut up,” he mutters.

“You’re a worthless piece of shit,” I say, my smirk fading as I narrow my eyes and give him a dark look.  “Maybe Kerri can’t get that through her head yet, and that’s her own issue, but I know that’s what you are.”

He laughs bitterly.  “You know, you’re such a great friend to her, Trace.  I’m sure the whole time you’ve been blowing her off to fuck the daylights out of Tarin, she’s been completely fine without you.  What happened anyway?” He pauses and smirks.  “I mean, y’all were living together for what...months, before she moved out?  ”

I know what he’s getting at, and I can feel myself grown angrier as the smile spreads wider across his face.  “Nothing happened,” I grunt.

“You fucked ‘er.”

“I told you nothing happened!” I snap at him.  “So fucking drop it.”

“I don’t believe you,” he whispers, with a bright smile this time.  “I know you Trace.  I know how curious you’ve always been about Kerri, and I guess...I guess I gave you the chance to find out what she’s all about huh?”

“She lost her mind, because of you, that’s what happened.” I say, fighting off the urge to lunge at him and throw him over the deck railing.  “I did the best thing for her.”

“You did the best thing for your dick,” he says, laughing my comments off.  “Come on man, drop this charade about how you’re so concerned for Kerri’s emotional well being.  You either fucked her, or wanted to fuck her but couldn’t get your shit under control, so you decided to kick her out and date somebody else.  You’re just as guilty about her current state of mind as I am, so fuck you.”

I feel myself come apart inside.  Partially because I hate what he’s just said, but also because I know...he might be right, and I feel horrible about myself.  What did I do? I mean...I had feelings for Kerri for a long time, strong ones, and when she finally allowed herself to slip, to try things with me, I pushed her away.  What the hell was I thinking? But...no...no, he’s not going to turn this around on me.  I never hit Kerri, I didn’t say those horrible things to her or make her feel worthless.

I didn’t almost get her killed.

“The only reason you ever decided to date Kerri again, was because you were insecure and had no one else.  You used her, and when things got out of hand, you snapped, Justin.  Now you’re here, dating somebody else, and acting like everything is fucking right with the world.  Hell, I could go in there right now and tell Mel the truth....”

He shoves me up against the house, cutting my speech short.  His eyes are filled with rage, his teeth gritted, and I know I have about three seconds before we have a replay of last week.  “You’re not going to say shit,” he grits in my ear.  “Because I’ll kick your fucking ass.”

I laugh at him.

He raises his fist.

“You guys!”

Justin immediately looks towards the doorway, and I get the opportunity to shove him off of me.  I don’t look over at who I know is Melanie.  All I can seem to do is glare at Justin, disliking him more now than I did earlier in the evening.

“What!” Justin snaps at her.

Melanie stares us both down and places her hands on her hips.  “Well I’m sorry to interrupt your little banter out here, but Tarin is getting sick inside and I figured Trace would want to know!”

(continued...)