I feel my face turn pale, and eye Justin for a moment.  He looks completely lost, like a huge weight has just knocked all the wind out of him, but I don’t concern myself with it.  I race inside, the only thoughts in my mind being Tarin’s health, and the fact that Melanie knows exactly why my girlfriend is getting sick.

“What’s wrong with her?” I hear Justin asking a few moments later, as I race through the house.  

“I’m not sure,” I hear Melanie call back.

Thank God.

“Where is she!” I exclaim, looking back at Melanie over my shoulder.

“Through here.” She surges ahead of me, and I feel Justin right behind me, as I race along behind her.  The door off the kitchen is thrust open...the laundry room, and I hear a toilet flushing. I race inside, and it takes two seconds for me to realize that Tarin isn’t in here.  I quickly whirl around, nearly smack into Justin when he’s pushed inside the room as well, and catch a quick glimpse of a snickering trio of girls before the door is slammed shut in my face.  

“What the fuck!” I bang on the door, and Justin immediately joins in.  “Open the damn door! Tarin, open the door!”

“We’re not doing anything until you two learn to play nice!” I hear Tarin cackling back on the other side.

“I can’t believe you faked that!” I yell at her.  “With everything that’s gone on? That’s fucked up!”

“We think it’s fucked up that you two have been destroying our party!” Melanie calls back.  “Jason and Marty left.  They said you two were acting like boyfriends and they’d call you later!”

I look over at Justin.  He’s standing against the wall now, his arms crossed sternly over his chest, looking at me like he hates me.  “Melanie!” He hollers.  “Cut this shit out right now!”

“We’ll be back in an hour!” I hear Brittany call out.  

She’s in on it too.

It’s a fucking conspiracy.

A trio of cackles start up again and get fainter.  It means they’ve gone elsewhere in the house, and I...God, I could strangle the three of them right now.  I kick the door angrily.  “Open the door!”

“Don’t kick the door, you asshole,” Justin tells me darkly.  “You’ll scratch the paint.”

I turn back to him.  He’s sitting on the floor now, apparently having given up the task of trying to escape.  “Tonight has been bad enough without being trapped in the fucking laundry room with your stupid ass.”  I reach into my back pocket to retrieve my cell phone, but groan when I realize it isn’t there anymore.  Snatched, yes...most likely by Melanie when I was too frantic about Tarin to pay attention.  “Shit,” I mutter.

“Just sit down and shut up.  Hopefully they’ll think we’ve calmed down in a little while.”

“Great, Justin.  You’re always such a huge help when stupid shit like this happens.”  I slide down to the floor, making sure to position myself as far away from him as possible, before placing my head in my hands.  Jesus, it’s so lame but I could fucking cry right now.  Nothing is right.  Absolutely nothing.  My life has turned into a chaotic mess, and I think I might know just how Kerri must feel on a daily basis.   It sucks.

I need to fix this quick, before I end up as fucked up as she is.

It’s quiet for a long time.  I stare straight ahead while Justin stares at the ceiling, and I know he’s probably counting how many lines are in the pattern on the tiles to pass the time.  It’s something he’s always done, and I hate that he always has a trick to amuse himself, no matter how awkward the situation.

Stupid amusing bastard.

“What’s up with Tarin?”

It’s been about twenty minutes.  I know because I’ve been counting the seconds, hoping it will make the time pass faster.  I don’t want to answer Justin.  I don’t want to look at him or play his stupid fucking mind games.  I just want to keep counting, but of course...I know that I can’t.  I’ll go crazy, and so I let out a rough sounding sigh before meeting his gaze.  “What do you care?”

He pulls his knees up and rests his arms on top of them.  “She’s just acting...weird.”

“You’re acting fucking weird.”

“Come on,” he laughs.  “I’m sorry, okay? I lost it out there.  I...I know you wouldn’t have told Mel.”

“You don’t know that,” I mutter.

“Trace.” His eyes narrow and he smirks.  “I know you better than anyone.”

“Still doesn’t give you an excuse to act like you’ve been acting tonight.”

“Yeah well, you shouldn’t have hit me.”

I roll my eyes.  “I’ll remember that the next time you beat up one of my best friends.”

“What do you want from me?”  He asks me, sadly.  “This is why I didn’t tell you, because I knew you’d completely lose it. I can’t apologize anymore, and I can’t change what happened...so what?  You want to hate me? Fine.”

I’m silent, and the conversation quickly dies again.  He goes back to looking at the ceiling and I...I just start to think about everything.  Not just the present, but everything.  Like, our lives, and how he’s the one person that I need to stand by me right now with the baby and shit.  Part of me doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction, though.  I don’t want him to think what he did is forgivable...because it’s not.  It’s just....what’s the point on ragging on him about it forever?  I could tell him I want nothing to do with him, and he’s at the point now where he’d understand and accept that.

But I don’t want to walk away, and maybe that makes me a bad person.  I just don’t know anymore.  All I know, is that he’s my best friend.

“I hate that....I hate what happened to Kerri and I hate myself for wanting to forgive you,” I finally speak up.  “It’s disgusting, what you did.”

He stares at me for a long time, rubbing his hands up and down his legs slowly, probably to prevent himself from completely falling apart. “I don’t know who that was,” he speaks up softly after awhile.  “The person that did that to Kerri...Trace, that wasn’t me.  It was somebody else that didn’t know who he was.”  He pauses for a moment and looks down at his legs before finally meeting my gaze again.  “But I know who I am now.”

“It’s a little late, Justin,” I scowl.

“Yeah, I know,” he whispers.  “But I’m going to make it right, eventually.”

I roll my eyes at him, and by his expression I know he expected it from me.  Yeah, it’s going to take me a hell of a long time to get over this, and right now I really can’t take him seriously when he tells me he’s going to make what he did right.  I can’t even fathom how you could make something like that right...but I guess Justin will formulate his own plan.  I think it might be the best thing if I stayed out of it for the time being.  I mean, if he asks me for advice I’ll try to help him out and shit, but as far as discussing it anymore...I’m done with that.  It’s simply not my battle anymore, and I guess I feel this way because I have bigger things to worry about.

Things I haven’t told him yet, and know that I need to.

“Look,” I huff.  “Things have been shit for a really long time, and I guess this is just the icing on the cake.  I’m tired of fighting with you man.”

He laughs gently.  “Fuck, I hate fighting with your stupid ass too.”

“Then maybe we should just...not talk about it anymore.”

He stares at me.  “You’re letting it go?”

“No,” I grunt.  “But I don’t want to talk about it anymore because it’s fucking us both up, and I don’t want that.  I want us to be friends, and that’s all.  Kerri..as much as I hate to say this, she...she’s not a part of our whole thing anymore.  Pushing this issue is just driving us apart when it doesn’t have much to do with me.  I’m probably a bastard for wanting to brush it to the side but...I can’t do it anymore.  I can’t make myself crazy over this shit when I have other things I gotta worry about.”

He nods, seeming to understand my logic.  Well it’s either that or he’s simply agreeing with me so he can reassure himself that he’s off the hook once again.

“So can I ask you something?”

I shrug.  “Sure.”

“What happened between Kerri and David?”

I feel my eyes widen, and I’m surprised that he found out.  I didn’t think he talked to Kerri at all that day at the station, but apparently I underestimated her.  I have no idea when she found the time to get Justin alone, and it only gives me more of a reason to think that she’s completely obsessed with him.  “How did you...”

“Long story,” he sighs.  “I just...caught him ripping her apart in a hallway, so I stepped in.  Maybe I shouldn’t have.  I...I don’t know.  But he was yelling at her, and treating her like she was worthless.  I couldn’t stand by and let him do that, Trace.”

It makes me hate David even more, as if that’s even possible.  I shake my head roughly.   “He tried to get with Kerri, and when she wouldn’t give him what he wanted, he basically demoted her.  That’s why I pushed you into the interview.  He said that if I did it, he’d leave her alone and let her go work at another radio station with his recommendation.  I...it was fucked up, I know.  But if it constitutes for anything, he’s been treating Tarin like his personal sex slave for years.  When I came along he figured he could do the same thing to Kerri too.”

He rubs his face with his hands.  “I’m sorry,” he whispers.  “I...I almost wish you would have told me from the beginning...”

“You never would have done it.”

He nods, sadly.  “You’re right.”

“Look, it’s done.  Everybody got what they wanted.  Kerri’s going to get a transfer...start fresh, and Tarin’s getting the job she’s been working her ass off for.  I know it sucks that you had to be the bait, and I’m a stupid bastard for planning it all, but I think you get it now...right?”

“Yeah...I mean, I guess in a way me going to the station helped to get Kerri a jump start.  I just wish things were different.  Like, if she was just my ex, if nothing happened..it would have been easier.  David’s a bastard.  He told me I better not try to make a call, threatened me,” he chuckles.  “I can’t wait to tell New York about this.”

“Well don’t rush it,” I warn him, knowing that David could still fuck things up for Kerri until she’s landed her new job.  “Let things run their course first.  I want Kerri to get settled first, that way David can’t fuck with her anymore.”

“You worry too much,” he smiles.  “I know how to handle shit like this.”

“Funny,” I scoff.  “I’ve always handled most of this type of shit for you.”

He rolls his eyes.  “Screw you, I can do it.”

“I won’t hold my breath.”

He crosses his arms.  “I’ll do it for Kerri.”

“It won’t changed what happened.”

He narrows his eyes at me.  “I have to do something.”

I nod, silently agreeing with him as I focus my gaze on the door again, hoping like hell that the girls have come to let us out, but I don’t hear a sound.  “Tarin!” I yell.  “Come on, we’re fine!”

Justin laughs at me.  “They’re not coming until they’ve decided it’s time.  You know how stubborn Tarin can be, and I know Mel is pissed so she’ll go along with it.”

“I guess.”  I gently knock my head back against the wall a couple of times, silently wondering how the hell Justin and I have managed to talk about all of this without knocking each other out.  I know if this had happened last year...if I’d known about what happened, we’d both be bloody from head to toe.  I guess...I guess that means that Justin isn’t the same person he was then.  He really has changed for the better.  He’s more mature, more focused on friendships and relationships with people, rather than on the kidnapping, Kerri, and what Shane did.

I guess I have Melanie to thank for that too....for bringing the real Justin back to me, to his friends, and soon...to his extended family.  It suddenly hits me that I really don’t need to worry about him as much anymore.  Sure, I’ll always have that itching concern for him in the back of my mind, but I can sleep nights knowing Melanie is here with him...taking care of him...

Teaching him how to really love somebody all over again.

I can live my life now, handle my issues, and....have a fuckin’ kid, without worrying if Justin is going to jump off a cliff day and night.  It’s his turn now, I realize.  It’s his turn to worry about me a little bit.  

“So what’s up with Tarin?  You never answered me,” he points out.

I tremble a little, my nerves taking over immediately.  First my sister and now Justin.  I mean, I know I have to tell him, but I’m fucking terrified of how he’ll react.  Sure, he won’t tear me apart like I’m sure my mom will, but I just don’t know how he’s going to look at me in the future.  I mean, he’s cool with Tarin but I don’t know how he feels about me and her being long term.  For all I know, he still views her as a wild girl who likes to party and have a lot of sex.  I mean...hell, she was.

But I sort of put a stop to that part of her.  “She’s just been a little sick, that’s all,” I say quietly.

He sits up and studies me for awhile, before continuing on.  “What kind of sick?”

I rub the back of my neck with a trembling hand, and clear my throat a little.  “The pregnant kind.”

His mouth opens a little wider, and he lets out a squeaky little chuckle as he stares at me.  “Horse shit.”

I shake my head.  “I’m serious.”

“Wait...what? And it’s yours?”

“Well it’s certainly not David’s,” I laugh.  

“Dude,” he leans in closer to me, the shock growing more intense on his face.  “Didn’t you ask her if she was on the pill?”

“No,” I groan.

“Your whole logic on condoms has always confused me.”  He puts a hand to his forehead and leans back so his body can rest against the wall again.

“I’m always careful,” I mutter.  “I hate the way they feel.”

“Trace, she’s pregnant.  Obviously, you weren’t careful.”

“Justin, spare me the fucking guilt trip,” I snap.  “My sister gave me that already.”

“Who else knows,” he asks me quietly.

“My sister, Kerri, Mel, and now you.”

“Mel’s known?”

I nod a little.  “The day I came to tell you about it, you were asleep, so I talked to Mel instead.  I just... I was going to tell you after the radio interview, but all that shit happened. You know, she’s a really great person to go to with your problems, J.  You’re a lucky bastard.”

“She’s really good at keeping shit to herself,” he grunts.

“Don’t get pissed, okay? I just...I wanted to be the one to tell you, that’s all.  It’s not Mel’s fault.”

“Shit.”  He rubs his face with his hands tiredly.  “Momma B is going to kick your ass.”

I roll my eyes.  “Yeah, that’s the first thing my sister said when I told her.”

“Pregnant...” he trails off for a moment and stares up at the ceiling.  “Shit, Trace.  A kid.”

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do,” I sigh.  “I mean, I’ve been holding my head high for Tarin so she won’t freak the hell out, but man...I haven’t really slept much since she told me.”

“Remember when Brit thought she was pregnant?”

“You didn’t sleep for a week.”

“Neither did she.”

“You think you would have been able to handle it?”

He laughs.  “Hell no.  I’m not like you Trace.  I can’t just whip myself together and force myself to do serious shit like be a father on a whim.”

“Justin...”

“I’m being serious,” he says, the playfulness fading from his eyes.  “I can’’t think of anybody else that’s better suited for this.  You always have your shit together, Trace.  Tarin’s lucky, you know? I just...I hope she knows how good she’s going to have it.”

I smile a little.  It’s crazy how awesome of a friend he really is.  I’ve missed it too much, and I can feel myself start to lose my composure a little.  Shit, I can’t cry now.   I can’t, but I feel the tears spilling out of my eyes, and I feel so lame.  “Fuck.” I wipe at my face.  “I’m so fuckin’ lame.”

“Nah.”  He gets up and walks across the room so he can sit down next to me.  “You’re anything but that.”

“I just...it’s exciting but scary.  Nine months from now I’ll have this little...thing, depending on me for everything.  I mean, I want it right now, I just don’t know how I’ll feel in five months when she’s big and miserable and I’m stuck in the middle.”

“Well, I’ll help you,” Justin smiles and nudges me a little bit.  “I’ll do whatever you need me to, and that includes talking Momma B down after you tell her.  I’m usually good at that.”

I let out a long breath.  “Yeah, but this time I don’t think anybody is going to be able to talk her down.  I’m scared for Tarin.  I wish I didn’t have to bring her home at all but I know my mom would disown me if I told her about this without Tarin there with me.”
r32;“You’re right,” he chuckles.  “She’d probably chop your dick off too so you couldn’t make anymore love children.”

“Hey fuck you,” I laugh and push him a little.  “It’s not a love child.”

“Love child,” he sings.  “Never meant to be.”

“Oh that’s it.” I get up, not being able to control my laugher as I start to knock on the door, desperately pleading for salvation.  “Justin has turned this into a karaoke fest!” I yell. “Baby! Please!”

“Loo-ve child!”

“I’m gonna kill you in your sleep, Timberlake.”

“Are you two done?” I hear Melanie’s voice from the other side of the door, and I’ve never been more relieved.  

“Yes,” I call out, desperately.  “Can I see my girlfriend now?”

“If you behave,” she warns.

The door opens a crack at first, and then a little bit wider so Melanie can stick her head inside the room.  “Well you aren’t bloody, so I guess that’s good.”

“Mel.” Justin squeezes his body in front of mind.  “Look, I’m sorry.  We talked, and we’re okay now.”

“I have so much laundry for you to fold,” she smirks, before opening the door the rest of the way.  

I walk out of the room slowly, and find my girlfriend leaning against the sink with a bottle of water in her hand.  She narrows her eyes at me and I know she probably thinks I’m nothing more than a child with an attitude problem at this point.  Still, I go to her and take the bottle out of her hand, not hesitating to pull her into a long deep kiss.

“I’m still mad at you,” she whispers, trying to keep the smile on her face from expanding anymore as I hold her in my arms.  “You two are a couple of assholes sometimes.”

“I love you,” I say, with a lazy smile.

She groans.  “You’re so lucky that we’re in the situation we are, Ayala.  Otherwise you might not be forgiven so easily.”

I kiss her neck.  “I’ll make it up to you.  I promise.  We talked...I don’t think we would have otherwise.  So...thanks.”

“It was Mel’s idea mostly,” she chuckles.  “I wish we had thought of it sooner though.”

“Try not to use the whole getting sick thing again the next time I decide to be a dumbass, okay?” I say gently.  “At least not for the next nine months.”

“Hey, it got you two to snap out of it.  I’m going to use this condition I’m in to my advantage for as long as I can.”  She winks at me as my sister reappears in the doorway and tells her to come back inside so they can watch some TV show that I couldn’t care less about.  I let her go, watching her retreating backside get further away from me, and the only thing I can think is how much I love her, and how lucky I am to have her by my side.

The only hurdle left is our families.

Unfortunately, that’s going to be the hardest one to conquer.

“Here’s to your kid.”  

I turn, and take the beer that Justin hands me with a smirk.  “You’re seriously all for this?”

“Yeah,” he nods.  “I mean, you’re all for me and Mel, right?”

I pop open the cap and clink bottles with him.  “Yeah,” I nod.  “I am.”

I sip my beer, while Justin starts to tell me some story about when his youngest brother was first born and how he went down to Florida to help his dad out. I remember that well...how excited he was, and I wonder what it’s going to be like when I first hold my baby in my arms.  Is it going to feel even more exhilarating than when Justin first held his baby brother for the first time?  Or will it just scared the living shit out of me?

Out of the corner of my eye, I spy Melanie leaning against the wall just outside the kitchen, watching Justin and I enjoying our moment.  I nod at her a little bit, and she flashes me a slight smile, before turning and walking away.  There’s no doubt in my mind that she was listening in on our little toast to each other, and I’m glad she decided to.  She needs to know that I accept her...accept the fact that she’s dating my best friend.  That I don’t care about the past so much as their future together, and that I’m sorry I acted like such a dumb fuck last week.

Mel is family now.

And I can’t wait to go back home with her.