A few years ago, if my girlfriend had locked me in a room with my estranged best friend, it probably would have bruised my ego and pissed me off to the point where I would have ripped her apart or simply dumped her.  Not with Mel though.  When Mel did it, I knew I deserved it, and I didn’t complain after the fact.  I don’t know how I would have been able to talk to Trace rationally again any other way, and the only thought I really had about the whole situation was that Kerri never would have gone to those lengths to give me a wake up call.

I know she would have been fine withe me punching Trace in the face if it meant we could still be together, and that makes me feel sick to my stomach, because she’s most of the reason we were fighting in the first place.  Despite that, I still don’t have the heart to call her selfish.  I don’t have the right to do that at this point in my life.

I don’t think I ever will.

I felt like I took a step back after the KISS FM interview, spiraled down a little bit.  Seeing Kerri made me feel like half the person Melanie helped me to grow into again, and I was fucking stupid enough to tell her I loved her.  Of course I didn’t mean it, I just didn’t know what else to do.  She asked, and I was scared shitless to see her again as it was.  All that on top of finding out how terribly she’d been treated by her boss for all that time, caused me to say yes to her as soon as she asked me the question.

What a big fucking mistake that was.

I guess I should be thankful she was sane enough to tell me to leave.  She didn’t want people to find out what happened, and I knew it was more for my own benefit than hers.  I figured she was a little better, a little more able to put what I did to her aside for the time being.  Although, I have no idea how she really feels...if she can really ever forgive me.

But I can’t say those thoughts have been at the top of my priority list at all since that day.

I don’t blame Trace for wanting to kick my ass for what I did.  I knew he’d feel that way, almost as soon as Kerri left my house that night, bloody and beaten.  I always hoped he would never find out, but I should have known better.  Kerri wasn’t strong enough to hold something so painful in forever, and I’m sure it must have driven her to the brink keeping it bottled inside of her.  I don’t really care what persuaded her to tell Trace, all I know is that I’m glad she was able to confide in somebody about it.  Even though I hate Trace knows something so terrible about me now, there’s nobody else in the world I would have wanted her to confide in about it.  It says something about the three of us...that we have and always will be able to confide in one another about anything...

Even if we’ll never be the same set of friends we used to be again.

I talk to David’s superiors in New York about what happened, even though Trace told me not to.  He figured it would be better if I let things calm down a little bit, but fuck...I was too pissed off at what happened to hold back.  I had a nice conversation with the president of Clear Channel, who happens to be a huge supporter of my career, and needless to say he wasn’t happy about how I was treated by David.  Sure, I made up some bullshit here and there, didn’t tell him the entire truth about what happened because I knew I couldn’t.  I knew that David wouldn’t be able to con his way out of my lies though, because I have too much power.  I really can’t wait to see what happens, because I was reassured that David would be dealt with properly

The last time somebody was ‘dealt’ with on my behalf, they ended up answering phones at an independent record label.

I love getting my way.

I feel more powerful now than I have in a really long time.  That cockiness I’ve always been known for has been rebuilding itself inside of me slowly, and soon...soon I think my ego and the way I’ve always viewed myself may just come back to me in an instant, turning me back into the guy my friends and family have always known.  It will make me strong, make me able to hold my head high and not give a damn what anybody thinks about me anymore.  It should be a good thing...but now that I have a girlfriend like Mel I’m not so sure I want to be that guy.  I’ve been getting used to who I’ve become because of her, the fact that I’m a little bit more sensitive and caring makes me realize how stupid I used to act.  Once upon a time I would have considered myself ‘gay’ for becoming a little more sensitive, but lately I just won’t allow myself to go down that road.  Shane isn’t as prominent anymore.  Hell, I haven’t had a nightmare for weeks, and that’s saying a lot...especially because I haven’t been going to a therapist.   

Melanie has been all the therapist I need.

She loves me now, completely, and I mean that’s incredible considering how uneasy our relationship has made her feel at times.  I’m just not so sure if she’ll love the other part of me...the part that has to be cocky around his friends and tough in the eyes of the people who run his career.   I don’t know if she’ll want to be around me then, and that’s scary, even though I’d never confess it to her.  She’s more timid than I’ve always been.  Normally, I’m the center of attention, the guy that sparks the conversation and keeps everybody entertained.  Melanie is pretty quiet unless she’s completely comfortable with whoever is in the room.  Hell, I’m sure she’d be terrified if I was ever to take her to an event or a social gathering of industry people.  I know how people in this business view a girl like her...

And I know the kinds of things they’d think about us being together too.

But for some reason, it doesn’t matter as much as it should to me.  I just...want her, with me, and I feel like I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it work.  If it means toning down who I used to be...when that person comes back in full swing anyway...then that’s what I’ll do.

I just can’t picture my life without her in it...ever.

I’ll admit it too, I was way fucking out of line when I called her a prude by the pool.  I wish I could go back and change it, like most things that have transpired in my life over the past year, but I can’t.  I couldn’t think then.  I mean, the situation started out casually enough.  We were fooling around in the house, and that lead to us going out to the pool.  I was still curious about what she had said during Jason’s sex game at the party, despite the fact that I’d run out on it after being asked a particular question.  I blocked that part out though, only focused on the fact that Mel was a little bit more sexual than I’d originally thought.  It fascinated me, made me feel like I didn’t need to be so careful around her.  That she had confidence in her sexuality and it didn’t matter that I hardly had any at all.  

Yeah, it fascinated me...at least until she admitted that she lied her way through the game.

It filled me up with a rage I hadn’t ever wanted to experience again.  The kind of rage that made me hit Cameron...that made me do even worse things to Kerri.  I had to lean against the wall of the pool and look away from her so I’d be able to calm myself down a little bit more.  But I found that it was impossible.  She kept pushing me, unknowingly of course.  She kept telling me that I was scared of sex, that I was insecure about it, and that it was okay.

But it wasn’t okay.

It wasn’t okay and I blew up at her...said the first thing that came to my mind that ensured she would drop the subject all together.  I knew that it was wrong the moment the words poured out of my mouth but I just didn’t care then.  I couldn’t let her find out what really happened...what Shane had done to me and turned me into because of that.  She wouldn’t understand, she couldn’t handle it because Cameron hadn’t been able to.  The only one who took my rape in stride had been Kerri, but I was convinced it was only because she’d basically known what had gone down from the beginning.

I was sure a girl like Melanie would only get creeped the fuck out...leave me...

And I just couldn’t lose her because of that.  I would have rather lost her to some meaningless fight instead.  That way, at least I’d be able to tell myself that Shane still hadn’t won my life over completely.  So I left after I called her a prude.  Left her with that thought in her head, partially to see if she’d really leave because of that, and also because I was too much of a fucking pussy to stick around and face her for the rest of the afternoon.

Naturally Trace didn’t hesitate to tell me how much of an asshole I was when I met him on the golf course a little while later.  I told him exactly what happened, expecting him to understand and side with me just a little bit, but he didn’t.  He told me I had to start holding my head up high and spilling deeper shit about the kidnapping to Mel, even if it freaked me out.  I told him there was no way in hell I ever could...that the only other people that knew about my rape was my mom, Madison, and Kerri as it was.

“You love ‘er.” He stated coldly as he lined up his club with the ball.  “I know you do, Justin.”

It made me smile just a little.  For that moment I was able to think back, remember how right he was, how great it felt to cook her that big ass dinner and see how happy it made her.  The way I loved to hold her and tell her she was it for me.  But then I frowned, knowing how much I had confused her, and how she probably wanted nothing to do with me anymore due to my stupidity.  “Yeah, I do,” I whispered back to him.

“So fuckin’ man up.”  He hit his ball and watched it sail away into the distance for a few moments before turning back to meet my expression.  “You have to tell her about this shit sometime, you know.  You can’t let him...just weigh you down like this anymore.  Your life is changing...you’re different now.  You’re bigger than the rape.”

It was the first time he’d ever put it so bluntly to me, and I found myself staring at him with admiration rather than anger.  Despite the fact that he could be a royal pain in my ass, I couldn’t deny that Trace had changed a lot over the past few months, for the better.  I knew Tarin was mostly to blame, making him think less about other people and more about his life and happiness.  I was happy about that too.  It was about time Trace  started to get his life together again.  He deserved it.  He deserved it because he’d done so much, and sacrificed so much for Kerri and myself.  Even though...Kerri didn’t seem to play as big of a part in his life anymore.

But that wasn’t my issue.

“Sometimes I think I am...”

“You are,” he cut me off, defiantly.  “I’m not going to argue with you about it, Justin.  I see you when you’re with Melanie, okay? I know when you’re happy...when you’ve moved past something hard, and...I think you have, for the most part, you know?”

“She makes me happy.”  I nodded, as I stepped up to the ball I’d planted on the ground.  “She makes me forget about that...part of my life.”

“Then talk to her,” he told me softly.  “Before she doesn’t want to listen anymore.”

He left the subject at that as we moved on with our game.  Part of me wanted to talk about it with him until I was blue in the face, but the more I thought about it, the more I knew it was better to just leave it alone.  It was the last time we were going to be able to hang out by ourselves until our trip back home was over.  With so many people wanting to catch up with us, I doubted we’d have much time to just kick back and hang out much at all.  I eased up a little more after that, played the game, and joked around with him about pointless bullshit, from time to time touching upon the subject of his pregnant girlfriend, his mom, and what he was going to do about it.

It’s weird, knowing that in nine months time my best friend’s life is going to be drastically different from what it is now.  I’m happy for him of course.  Tarin’s mature enough to juggle him, a kid, and a radio career all at the same time.  I haven’t asked him what she’s planning on doing once the baby comes...if she’s going to go back to work or not, but I doubt he’d have the answer right now anyway.  He’s so terrified about explaining the situation to his mom that I don’t think he can focus on anything like that just yet.  

I asked him if Tarin told her parents yet at which he laughed and told me she dragged him to a big family barbeque the previous weekend, her intention dead set on telling her folks what was happening so they could move on.  She was trying to prove some point with him, he told me.  She wanted him to see how brave she was...that she wasn’t afraid of what her parents thought.

“So we’re all sitting in the backyard, and her dad is real cool, you know? He liked me right away.  We started talking about horses and roping...apparently he’s really into it like me, and I don’t think Tarin thought it was going to be that easy.  The whole way up to her folks place she kept telling me to take her father in stride...that he was tough on the guys she brought home.  I think I’m closer to the guy than I’ve ever been with my own father,” he laughed heartily as he changed clubs.  “And her mom just ate it all up.  I guess once her dad approves of something she figures it’s okay to go along with it too.”

“So you were the man of the hour?” I smiled.

“I guess.” He shrugged.  “He wants me to come riding with him when we get back home and her mom was begging me to stick with Tarin even when she’s ‘difficult’.”

“Shit,” I said in disbelief.  “So what’d they say when she told them?”

“She didn’t tell them.” He laughed a little.

“Really?”

“Nope, and I pulled her aside at one point before we left and asked her if she was going to do it.  She told me that she was wrong to assume it was so easy, and she just didn’t think it was a good time since her parents accepted me so quickly.”

“Wow...Tarin admitted she was wrong?” I laughed.  “That’s a first.”

“I know, I told her that too and she looked like she wanted to slap me.”  He smiled.  “So I don’t know when she’s gonna tell them.  I guess when we get back...”

“What about Momma B?” I questioned him automatically.

“I don’t have a choice,” he sighed.  “I can’t just wake up and decide to go see her, so I have to tell her when I’m down there. I think Tarin feels a lot more comfortable knowing that she doesn’t have to be the first one to have a family issue too, so if she’s happy I guess I can deal with my mom’s attitude.”

“You shoulda made her tell them,” I nodded.  “Would have served her high maintenance ass right.”

“She’s just...”

I glanced back at him, causing him to stop his excuses.  “You know I’m right.”

“I can’t put any more pressure on her,” he sighed.  “She’s the one who’s pregnant, not me, and I’ll deal with the stress first if it helps her through this.”

“Still,” I continued.  “You know how demanding she can get sometimes.  Just...you know, give her limits, okay?”

He just rolled his eyes.

Tarin was a friend, she would always be, but her attitude and the way she handled things...like her men, always put me off a little bit.  She’s very demanding, very bossy.  I know she’s had Trace by the balls since they first met, and now...with a kid on the way, I can only imagine how much worse she’ll be.  Don’t get me wrong, Tarin has a lot of great qualities too...but I know Trace, and I know how vulnerable he can be when he loves somebody.  I just don’t want him waiting on Tarin hand and foot while she doesn’t consider his needs.

Although, his needs are part of the reason she’s having his baby.

“So you’re ready to crack down and have a family with her?” I asked him after a while.  “I mean, I know you and Elisha were ready to do it once upon a time...but she wasn’t pregnant.”

He was losing our game, which was nothing new, but I guess it might have been a mixture of that and me pestering him about shit that had already been confusing him, that caused him to slam his golf club down on the ground and turn back to me.

“Whoa...Trace... I just...”

“What am I supposed to do? Leave? Tell her she’s on her own? That I’ll take the kid every other weekend?”

“No I just... I mean, everything’s happening between you two really fast.”

“Like I don’t know that?  Fuck, Justin, I’m doing the best I can here.  I love her, I always have, it’s not a question of that.  I mean, I just never expected to have to start ring shopping or decide I if I should try to ask her to get married in Shelby nine months from now.  I never...I mean, I didn’t think I’d have to get this serious again for a long time...but it just happened.  I can’t change it, and I’m not my father...I’m not going to make her do this all alone, and my kid is going to have a respectable father.”

I just nodded and watched him pick up his club and hit the ball.  It was too sensitive a subject, especially because we were so close to going home.  He was going to be wading through a mountain of shit in literally days, and there I was...making him think about more than he needed to.  “I’m sorry, Trace.”

He shook his head but didn’t look back at me.  “It’s not your fault, man.”

“Hey, how about you and Tarin fly down with me and Melanie?” I quickly offered, figuring it might brighten his mood, and make him feel a little less stressed out about going home if he had his friends around him.  “My mom even said the other day that you should. We’re taking the jet, you know...no bullshit bag check or security.  You guys can just relax.”

He turned back to me then, and let out a long sigh, but didn’t hesitate to send me a thankful little smirk. “Yeah, I think that would be cool.  Especially with Mel, you know...she’s always a calming presence, except when you piss her off.”

“Shut up,” I frowned.

“You better just make sure you talk to her when you get home,” he warned me.  “I swear, if I have to choose between going home with you or her...I’m choosing her.”

I laughed, because I knew he really would have chosen Melanie if that was the case, and I allowed my mind to wander from the subject of home, and girlfriends for the duration of our game.  For the first time that day I allowed myself to relax, and I guess it was a good thing that I did because when I got home and realized Melanie still hadn’t gotten back, I knew I was going to have to think of something good to say when she walked through the door.

But as it turned out, it didn’t matter what I said, because she’d been determined to give me the silent treatment no matter what.  Of course I understood why, but it still frustrated me.  I gave up eventually and retreated back into the living room in a huff.  Several minutes later I heard the sound of the door opening and closing again and I knew she’d gone back to the guest house.
 
I wouldn’t let her turn her back on me.  I had to do something because yeah, I was wrong, and I wanted to make it up to her.  My logical solution? Order out entirely too much pizza so she’d have a reason to complain, come back to the house, and talk to me.  It was childish, but then again, that was me.  I always conjured up immature shit to get people back on my good side, I just hoped like hell Melanie would cave in and give me another chance.  

What she ended up telling me was something I never expected.  She loves me, she really does, and that makes me so happy, so excited, and yet...so insecure at the same time.  I mean, I love her too.  I know I do, and I told her that.  It’s just been such a long time since I’ve been with a girl and felt so genuinely in love with her, though.  Britney was the last one I think.  The last one I put my whole heart into, and even with her...it wasn’t the same as it is with Mel.  There’s a warmness in this love.  A rock solid feeling, like she’s the one I’m meant for, the one I’ve always been destined for.

Shit, this is deep.  Really fucking deep, and I feel like I should be running away and hiding.  There wouldn’t be as much at risk if I did.  I wouldn’t be able to hurt her or let her down.  But I know...I know I can’t run away.  I love her too much, and I have to try.  Tennessee will show me a lot, show us a lot.  I hope she can find out more about me when we’re there, things she overlooked I’m sure will be more apparent to her since I may or may not be a nervous wreck the entire time we’re down there.  Sure, I’ve been more upbeat about going since she agreed to come with us, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared.  Fuck, I mean...that’s where it happened.  I haven’t forgotten that, I’ve just pushed it to the back of my mind.  It’s hitting me now, freaking me out, and I’d probably be a wreck if it wasn’t for the thought of Melanie.  I gotta be strong for her, show her a good time.  Only I can’t help but feel like I’m going to be able to see Shane and Nathan around every corner, standing in front of every building with their guns, reminding me that I should be afraid, that I don’t deserve to be happy and in love ever again.

I have no idea what will happen if I break down.  I think that’s what scares me most of all.

I pull out a few articles of clothing from one of the racks in front of me and survey them.  Dress shirts and slacks and blazers.  I need to choose, need to make a decision, and I’m finding that even this simple shit is taking me the longest fucking time.  I guess it’s because I’m going to be seeing my family and I want to look my very best.  But I guess that’s silly, right? I mean, they want me, they don’t give a fuck what I’m wearing.  They’ve never been that way.  It’s more insecurity that I have to battle.  I just...feel so inadequate, so nervous.  I have no idea if I’m going to be able to hold a conversation with these people, if I’m going to act like the same person they’ve all known and missed.  I want to be that person of course, and I’m going to try my best, but I know if I push myself too much, I’m going to burn myself out.   

I realize I’m terrified of my family.

This is very bad.

“Is anything moving in there?”

Her voice is filled with uncertainty and it makes me laugh.  She really does think that my closet is more like a cave, even though it’s one of the most organized places in my entire house.  “Besides me? No,” I laugh as I call back to her, trying to peer down the long hallway that leads back to the closet door, but I find that I’m too far back to make her out.  

“There you are.”  She breaks through to the spot I’m standing in moments later, a few garments of her own draped over her shoulder as she looks me up and down with wide eyes.  “Oh my god.  Justin, put on some pants!”

I snicker but I don’t do as she’s asked me.  Really, I don’t see the point.  I have a shirt on and my boxers, and it’s not like she hasn’t seen me with less clothing than this before.  She’s just being shy, and I know that.  This kind of crap makes her nervous, but I won’t question it.  I’ve fucked up enough for one night, so I just smile at her.  “What do you think, Mel?  Black socks or grey socks?”

She crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.  “Well grey would match your boxers,” she mutters.

“Ah,” I grin and send her a wink.  “Grey it is.”

“Here’s my stuff.”  She throws it over a chair without much enthusiasm and lets out a sigh.

I look at the things she’s brought with her.  I recognize the cocktail dress she wore the first night we kissed.  Yeah, that one is definitely coming with us.  There’s a little black dress next that I know she could probably wear anytime, and I don’t have a problem with that one either.  But the third thing, god...it looks like something that came straight out of a funeral parlor.  “That one needs to be burned.”  I chuckle as I point to it and grab it up a moment later.  “Where the hell did you ever wear this, Mel?”

She groans.  “Look, these are the only dresses I own, Justin.  Sorry I’m not some big fashionista.”

I nod, contemplating the situation for a couple of seconds before coming up with a small solution.  When Cameron left me, she forgot to take a few things that she’d stored in my closet.  I didn’t even realize they were there until I started to dig through my closet for clothes the other day.  It was weird...looking through her shit.  I thought about calling her to come get it, but I think that would have been entirely too awkward.  Our lives are different now. We’re different people that are better off apart, and she can afford to buy new clothes. So they’ve just been sitting in here, taking up space.  But Melanie...she’s about the same height and build as Cameron. I know the stuff would fit her, but I have no idea if she’ll want to try any of it on.   “Well I’ve already seen you in the red one, and this good black one looks fine.  I think I might still have some other stuff deeper in the cave that you can try on though,” I smirk.

She gives me a bewildered look.  “You have dresses?”

I laugh a little.  “Cameron left some of her shit behind when she moved out.  It’s just been sitting in the back of my closet.  I haven’t been in that part much...it’s where I store all the expensive shit.  Tees and jeans have been my jam for a while now, so I don’t have a need to take out my designer stuff.”  I grab my slacks along with my blazer of choice, and lead her though the next door, deeper into my cave closet, and stop when I see some of the feminine material popping out of a back corner.  I realize that it’s a whole rack of dresses.  Shit, I didn’t even realize.  Bitch had way too much crap in my house.  

“This is all designer stuff?”

I watch as she looks around the area and takes it all in.  This is the nicest part of my closet, and years ago I used to wear the stuff in here all the time, because I was constantly working and had to look my best.  It’s strange how much simpler I’ve become since everything happened.  I don’t really care about material possessions so much anymore, and I can’t even remember the last time I went shopping for myself.  Things like that don’t matter to me anymore.  My friends and family have become the priority.  

Melanie has become the priority.

I flip on another set of lights, that show case the rest of the space.  It sprawls deep.  I can make out my racks and racks of sneakers and jewelry show cases up ahead.  “I probably should get in here one of these days and clean some stuff out.  I forgot I even had half this stuff.”  I chuckle a little as I pick up a denim cowboy hat off a shelf and study it for a while, remembering its purpose, and nearly rolling my eyes before Melanie squeals with delight.

“Oh my God!! Give it here!”

I hand it to her and she grabs it from me, immediately putting it on her head.  It’s so big and bulky, tacky with it’s decorative crystals, and I can’t resist what I do next.  “Here, you can’t wear that without this.”  I pull the denim jacket off of a rack as soon as I spot it and hand it to her.  She puts it on and of course it’s entirely too big on her.  Britney still has her version of the outfit.  At least, I’m pretty sure.  I haven’t asked her or anything, but knowing her, it’s something she wouldn’t want to part with, despite our falling out.

“Somebody told you this was a good outfit?” She cracks up as she looks down at the rhinestones adorning the jacket.

I roll my eyes.  “Britney wanted to match one year.  My mom said it would be cute.  I was way too impressionable then.”  I shake my head, remembering everything that took place that night.  I was so fucking young.  I thought I had my life completely figured out.  I was going to marry Britney and live happily ever after.  But I was so damn wrong and I would find out the hard way.  “Trace sewed on the rhinestones.”

“So should we match at the wedding?” she snickers as she ventures further back into my closet.  “Jesus! This is...Justin, this is just ridiculous.”

I laugh as I watch her explore and pull my dress pants on at the same time.  I finish the look off by pulling my blazer on, and even though it doesn’t look complete because I’m missing the tie, I decide to get her opinion on the suit anyway.  “So what do you think about this for the rehearsal dinner?”

It takes her a moment to stop gawking at all the stuff in my closet, and then she turns back to me.  She’s just staring, looking me up and down with those eyes of hers, like she has no idea what to say.  I’m not sure if she’s nervous, or if she just thinks I look like an asshole right now.

“That’s nice.”

She says it so quietly and so quickly that I know it’s her nerves getting the best of her.  I gets me to smile.  I know she thinks I look good and that makes me feel a little bit better.    I watch as she pulls one of the dresses off the rack a moment later.  It’s a nice choice, a pale pink Dior that I remember Cameron getting for an awards show a couple of months after we started dating.  Melanie has good taste, but I wouldn’t have expected anything else from her.  “You should try that one.”  I come closer and dig through the rest of the rack myself, picking out a classy looking blue satin Marc Jacobs dress minutes later.  “This one too.”

She sucks in her bottom lip as she takes the dresses from me.  “Justin...”

“What’s wrong?  You need jewelry?”

“No...” She laughs at me.  “I have a watch.  I just...Justin these are too...”

“Too what?” I cut her off and smooth my hand over her cheek.  “Nothing is too good for you. Go on, go try them on.” I smile.  “I want to see them both on you.”

She groans but I don’t relent so she stalks back through the closet, and I’m not far behind, but make sure to grab something out of one of my drawers before I catch up with her.  I make sure to hide the hideous funeral dress she brought with her someplace in my closet that she won’t be able to find it too, and busy myself reorganizing the clothes I pulled out for myself while she changes in the bathroom adjacent from the closet entrance.

“It’s too much,” she calls back to me through the small crack in the doorway about ten minutes later.  “I...I’m just going to wear the black one you didn’t like, Justin.”

I just laugh at her.  “Good luck trying to find it!”

The door opens all the way seconds later and she runs out in the pale pink Dior, a panicked expression on her face.  “Justin! That was my grandmothers dress!”

“Whoa, chill out,” I chuckle, barely being able to keep my eyes off of her in that dress.  “I just hid it! You’ll get it back when we come home.”

She glares at me, but I can barely pay attention.  She has...so much...cleavage.  More than she’s ever allowed me to see before, and I feel like I’m about to start drooling.  This is probably bad.  I’m so fucking horny, so hungry for her.  It’s not fair.

“Justin.”

“Huh?”  I say it to her cleavage.

“Could you look at my face please.”  She covers herself after a moment.

I frown.

“This is too much,” she continues, once she’s satisfied that I’m paying attention to something other than her breasts.  I’ll just use the other black one....the one you don’t mind.  It’s not too low cut.  I’ll wear it twice, that’s all.  Then I have the red one...that’s a maybe, and that blue one you picked out isn’t terrible.  I could try that one I guess.”  She grabs the blue Marc Jacobs up along with her red and black dresses, and starts to go back into the bathroom again.

“The Dior is coming,” I inform her before she can shut the door on me.  “You can wear it to a party or something.  It’s made for you.”

“No it’s not,” she calls back.  “I look like a hooker.”

“Hey, do you really think I would let you bring it if you did?”

“After seeing the way you looked at my boobs before, yes,” she tells me quickly.  “So, is that the suit you’re wearing to the rehearsal dinner?”

“Yeah.”  I say the word, but I feel like I’m in such a daze right now that she can’t take me seriously.  She just rolls her eyes and starts to disappear into the bathroom again, but I’m too quick for her.  “Wait.  Don’t change yet,” I ask her, putting my foot in the doorway so she can’t lock me out just yet.

I hear her sigh, and the door opens again a moment later.  She looks a little annoyed, and I feel bad, but at the same time I just can’t help myself.

“I just unzipped this.  It was a pain to get done, so you better help me.”

She turns around and huffs in annoyance, and all I can seem to do for the longest time is stare at her bare back.  No bra.  That’s so damn sexy and all I want to do is touch her skin, but I have no idea what her comfort level is, and I don’t want to scare her.  I approach her slowly, and carefully zip her up again, rubbing her shoulders a little when I finish for added measure.  

“Justin.”

“Yeah,” I whisper, as I continue to massage her, occasionally letting my fingers slip under the neck line of the dress so I can caress a small part of her bare back for a few seconds.

“Why am I still in this dress?”

I feel stupid, because I completely forgot the point of this.  “Oh....sorry.”

She turns to me then and raises an eyebrow.

“Come ‘ere.” I smirk and pull her over to my dresser mirror by the hand.  I position her in front of it, and go behind her so I can wrap my arms around her waist.  “See? We look damn good together, huh?”

Her cheeks turn a brighter shade of pink than her dress and she seems to force herself to look away from our reflection.

I dig the small box out of my pocket that I’d retrieved from the drawer in my closet and open it up.  “Here, try these on with the dress.”  I rest the box on top of the dresser so she’ll be able to see it.

“Holy...”  She gasps and turns back to me, having picked the box up in her hands.  She stares at two large diamond studs positioned inside.  “These are real?”

I shrug a little.  It’s so weird to be around somebody who is so amazed by the luxuries money can buy.  I’m surrounded by so many people that have money that it’s become ordinary having things like this around me, or in my possession.  “Well yeah, of course,” I nod.  

She shakes her head roughly.  “They’re too big...I can’t...”

“Just try them first,” I persist.”

“I’ll lose one, I know it.”

I smile and push her hand away when she thrusts the box back in my face again.  “I have insurance.”

“Huh?”

“Well they have to be insured,” I laugh.  “I’d be an idiot not to do that.”

“Wait.”  She stops pushing me and stands on the tips of her toes so she can take a good look at my ears.  “You have your ears pierced? Or were these an ex girlfriends?” She frowns.

“No,” I smirk.  “They’re mine.  I used to have them pierced a while ago.”

She stands up a little taller and touches my ears, searching for the earring holes that are no longer there.  I let her, because she’s so close to me now.  I can feel her hot, sweet breath on my neck and I don’t want it to stop.  “They closed up awhile back,” I manage to say after a few minutes so she won’t think I’m completely crazy.  “Earrings didn’t really fit with my image any more.”

She rolls her eyes and smiles playfully at me.  “Your image,” she snickers.

She’s not right up against me, but she’s still close to me.  Close enough where if I look down I can see right down her dress and it makes me smile wider.  “I’m kind of liking the image I’m seeing right now.”

“Justin!” She gasps.

“Come on,” I laugh at her.  “Just try the earrings on okay?”

“God, just so you’ll stop staring.”  She snatches the earrings off the dresser with a loud
 huff and starts taking them out of the box.  

“Hey, I can’t help that you have perfect tits,” I snicker.

“I am seriously going to swat you,” she says to me through the mirror as she puts the earrings on.

The fact that she doesn’t and the fact that she’s smiling to herself tell me that she’s not really annoyed with me at all, and I take the opportunity to come up behind her and place my hands on her waist, hugging her gently from behind.  “I’m not letting you take this dress off,” I whisper in her ear and my gaze travels down to her slender neck, and I brush away a curl lingering there so I can plant a soft kiss on her skin.

She moans.  It’s the softest, nearly inaudible moan, but it’s still there.

“Justin...they’re on now, so look.”

She pulls away from me gently and turns to face me again, her expression semi serious and her eyes full of questions.  I don’t give her the chance to talk me down or tell me that she’s scared or that I’m moving too fast.  I just go for it.  I reach out for her and slam my lips against hers, and when she doesn’t stop me, when I feel her hands on the back of my neck pulling me down towards her, I continue what I started.  I have her body pinned up against my bedroom wall, my body right up against hers.  My mouth is open, I’m breathing too heavily right now to kiss her anymore and I know I can’t...I have to say this...

“I’ve never wanted anyone this bad,” I whisper.

She stares at me like she understands, but I think she’s too mesmerized by what’s happening to respond.  It’s a natural reaction when my hands begin to wander over her dress, up her waistline, over her breast and begin to grab at them.

“Justin...stop.”

I’ve gotten too carried away.

“I’m sorry,” I gasp.  “I...um...Mel I’m sorry.”

“It’s...It’s okay.”
r32;I’m breathing so hard right now, and my heart is pounding in my chest like I’ve just gone on a ten mile run.  Bam Bam Bam.  I feel like it might blow a hold through me and fall out.  I can’t stop staring at her face, her body.  She’s captivating.  She looks like she just walked out of one of my dreams in that dress with her hair down, a little tussled from my sudden advances towards her.  She’s fucking beautiful.  I reach out and touch her face again with my fingertips, letting them travel to her lips and trace a gentle pattern over them.  “I should stop,” I rasp as I pull my hand away.  “I should.”

She swallows hard, taking a moment to collect herself before speaking again.  “You...you don’t have to,” she says to me softly.  “Just...I mean, can we just keep it to kissing?”

I smile a little more, like it’s the best thing she’s ever said to me.  “I...um...”  I put my face closer to hers. “Please?”

She nods, and this time she’s the one to make the first move.  We’re kissing harder than before, our hearts pounding together as we end up against the dresser, half of her ass propped up on the top of it.  Her dress is hiked up slightly now, and my hand has found it’s way up onto her thigh, just below where her panties start.  I’m hard as a fucking rock.  I can feel my dick pressed against her through my pants and I begin to wonder if she can feel it too, although that’s probably a stupid question.  

When she stops kissing me again, I’m sure she’s convinced herself that I’m becoming entirely too caught up.  She stares at me now, completely out of breath as she grips my shoulders with her hands.  

“Sleep with me tonight.” I blurt out like some stupid teenager.

Her eyes get wide.  “Justin...”

But she doesn’t understand what I’m asking her.  Of course I have no intention of trying to seduce her.  Melanie isn’t seducible and I’m okay with that.  “Not like that,” I reassure her with a soft smile.  “I just...I want to talk...and hold you.”

She shakes her head a little.  “You...I mean...I dont think you just want to hold me, Justin.  I don’t think it’s a good idea...”

She looks down at the carpet and I curl my finger under her chin and tilt her head upward so she can look me in the eye.  “Hey...you can trust me,” I say seriously.  “Mel, I’d never push you into something you didn’t want to do.”

“Well I...”  She pauses and seems to battle it out with herself for a few moments.  “I mean, sure.  Yeah, that’s fine.”

I smile a little bit, still trying to catch my breath and calm myself down so I can be more relaxed for her.  “How about you go change.”

“All right.”

I pull away from her and rub the back of my neck with my hand, feeling the sticky sweat there and I know...fuck, I need a shower.

“Are you going to be okay?”

She half laughs it out and I turn back to her.  She has a sexy little half smile on her face, and I know she’s pleased with both herself and with me too.  I feel like it’s been a really long time since she’s broken down completely and let somebody in this close to her, and it makes me happy.  It makes me happy that I’ve taught her how to trust again, even if it’s only in the beginning stages of that trust level between me and her.  

“Yeah,” I say gently.  “Just you know...change...and I’ll take a cold shower.”

She just smiles a little and shakes her head.  “Sure thing.”

I watch her leave and let out the longest breath of my life.

That’s going to have to be one ice cold shower.