I’m in love.  It’s ridiculous, crazy even.  I should probably be committed for allowing myself to fall this hard for somebody like Justin so fast.  But I just can’t help myself.  As much as I’ve tried to deny it, push him away and tell myself I don’t care about him that deeply, the truth is...I really do love him.  

I’m madly fucking in love with him.  I proved that to myself tonight, and it’s so weird...so weird that I’d let him touch me that way again whenever he wanted.  It felt amazing, not dangerous, and I don’t know why I’m okay with this.  It would probably be a question to ask Susan...

But at the same time, I don’t feel like I need to ask her.

I’ve come a hell of a long way.

He’s not in the bed with me anymore.  I know because I’m not as warm now, and I don’t feel as protected.  I’m sure he’s only gone to the bathroom or something, but I can’t help but miss the feeling of his body next to mine, his skin on my skin.

I’ve never felt like this before.  Like really deep into somebody like this, and it’s been ages since I ever thought a man would be able to do it to me again.

We just laid in his bed for hours after he showered and I changed out of the dress, talking about random shit that made us both smile and laugh, most of which I can’t even remember at the moment because I’m too infatuated with his smile, touch, and the light in his eyes.  It’s all that seems to be floating through my mind and I can’t deny...for the first time in years, it feels damn good to have a man in my life.

I sit up in bed and glance at the clock, feeling a pang of uncertainty rush through me when I realize that it’s already five thirty in the morning.  Justin said something about Trace coming by the house at seven with a car to take us to the airport.  It will all be real then.  I’ll really be on my way to meet his family.  I’ve been terrified for weeks of this day, but now...now it doesn’t seem so bad to me.  Justin and I...we reached the climax of our connection tonight.  Sure, I was ready to kill him when I first got home, but he made up for it.  I think the fact that he knew how much he screwed up got to me.  He didn’t mean to say the things he said.  It’s just...sometimes...sometimes I think the things that happened to him do something to his emotions.  He gets scared, he gets weak and he lashes out, but I feel like all of that anger is slowly fading from him.  He’s happy, and by the way Trace tells it...he’s happier now than he’s been in a really long time.

Of course, it will be hard going to meet his family without having a full understanding of Justin’s situation.  I have no idea how many of his family members know the full story of what happened to him, or if they’ll question me about it.  I don’t know if I could handle being put on the spot, or stuck in a conversation about that particular subject.  It’s so private...so scary....

And, unless I was imagining things, whatever happened to Justin when he was kidnapped may be even more horrific than I thought.

“If you just knew what he did to me...”

I heard a voice come to me in a soft whisper as I slept, feeling the pressure of lips to my forehead, but I didn’t open my eyes.  I didn’t want to.  I was afraid that if I did, I would really see Justin staring back at me.  I didn’t want to wonder about him anymore, or feel anymore confused about it.  I’d had enough.  I just wanted to be happy...with him...allow myself to enjoy my new beginning with him, and so I refused to accept reality.  I slept on, and now...now that I know he’s gone into another room, I can’t lie to myself.  

I know it was him, his voice...

It had to be.

I yawn and stretch my arms before I push myself up from the bed and walk out of the bedroom.  I follow the scent of brewing coffee all the way downstairs, hoping that Justin has decided to be generous and make me a cup too, but I pause just feet from the kitchen doorway when I hear his voice.  It’s soft...even a little bit sad, and I don’t want to disturb him in his private moment.

“No...Trace, come on...”

I smile a little.  At least it’s Trace, his best friend.  Perhaps he’s still nervous.  Of course he would be, and I need to let him talk to the one person that completely understands how he feels and not spy but...

“What am I supposed to do?” He says harshly.  “What happens when I tell her what he did to me?  Am I just supposed to go on like nothing ever happened and hope she accepts it?  No...no...she’s either going to start tip toeing around me like Kerri did, or she’ll just get completely freaked out and leave.”

I have to hold my breath.  If I don’t, I feel like I might cry.  I don’t get it either.  I have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about other than the fact it’s something he desperately would like to avoid telling me.

So then if I don’t know what this is about, why do I want to vomit?

“How are you so sure she won’t care?” He continues on.  “She’s going to think I’m some homo freak.  God...I know, I fucking know, Trace.  It’s just...once she knows, I can’t turn back.  And I just...I don’t know if I could handle her not accepting it.  She’s everything now.  She’s means everything to me.”

The pain in his voice hits me right in the heart.  It’s a stinging, burning pain that I know all too well, and I hate it.  I want somebody to burn in hell for making Justin feel this way.

And I...

Oh God.  Please, no.

I won’t believe it.  I won’t think about it.  If I hold my head high and move past it, I won’t have to worry about it.  So I do the logical thing.  I walk as quickly as I can back to the staircase and haul ass up them, practically diving back into the bed once I reach it so Justin will be none the wiser to what I just overheard.  He’ll just think I’ve been asleep this whole time, dreaming about how much I love him, and that’s all I want him to think.  I can’t be the cause of his inner turmoil when he has to be so fucking strong for his family.  It just wouldn’t be fair.  I’ll shut my feelings away.  I’m good at that.

God damn it.  I’m sobbing.

“Hey Mel.”

Justin’s voice comes to me gently awhile later.  I realize that I managed to doze off again, but I’m thankful.  I’m calmer, I can smile for him, and when I manage to open my eyes and look at him, I do just that.  “Hey you.”

He leans down and kisses me slowly on the lips.  “Morning.”

I sit up a little bit as he sits down on the edge of the bed.  “Morning.  Did you...sleep okay?”

He shrugs.  “As well as I could.”

I narrow my eyes at him and give him a skeptical smirk.  It means he barely slept, which would explain his early morning phone call to his best friend, but I won’t bring that up of course.  “Bad dream?”

He actually smiles.  “Surprisingly, no.  It’s just nerves.  You know...seeing my entire family is getting to me more than I thought it would.”

I sigh, and then wrap my arms around him.  He’s tense, incredibly tense.  I can feel it surging through him, and I rub his back gently.  He returns my embrace after this, holds me tightly and buries his face in my shoulder after a moment.  I assume he’s crying, but I won’t point it out.  I can only imagine the thoughts running through his head.  He can’t afford to make a mistake once he gets home, but at the same time I know he doesn’t want to be fake.  I feel like he’s acted like that for entirely too long and this is a new start for him.  A chance to be himself and live his life as normally as he can.  

I want to help him like I’ve always been able to since I came here, but for the first time, I have absolutely no idea how I can.  I just don’t know his family, or his past, well enough to.

“Thanks.”  He says it softly after a while, as he manages to pull himself away from me.  He smoothes his fingertips over the side of my face and smiles a little bit.  “I think...I think that was what I needed more than anything this morning.”

I nudge him playfully and give him a little smirk.  “Glad to help.”

He gets a serious gaze in his eyes.  “I really...enjoyed last night, Mel.”

I look down at his hands.  They’re so big, so strong, like they could hold the world in them, and then I look up at him again and see that part of him that’s still so lost.  It’s strange.  I’ve never compared parts of him like this before.  “I did too.”  I manage a simple smile and lean forward to initiate a small kiss of my own.  “I’m glad you made me do all that.”

He laughs a little.  “All that.”

“Well yeah...”

I felt like I was on some kind of sex rampage even though the situation didn’t escalate beyond a heavy make out session.  Still though, it was the most physical I’ve ever been with Justin, or with any man for that matter, since I was raped.  I don’t exactly know why my walls were able to crumble, what made me think it was okay for him to push me up against the wall and kiss me all over.  I just felt...content.  I think, I think I wanted it.  Wanted him.  If I was stronger, a different person, I think we may have gone all the way.  And if I told him it was okay to do it last night, I feel like he would have been okay doing it too.  But I wasn’t ready.  I’m so far from ready.

But I know...I know when it comes time to do that again, he’s the only one I want to do it with.

“I can pin you up against something real quick before we leave,” he whispers as he crawls around me on the bed and kneels behind me, sneaking a kiss to my neck as he pushes my messy hair over my right shoulder.

“Don’t push it Timberlake.”  I turn and swat him playfully.

“Hey,” he laughs a little and catches both of my hands in his, before he slowly pushes me down onto the mattress.  “You’re not exactly stopping me, are you?”

I let him crawl on top of me and I stare up at him as he looks down upon me.  “What’re you doing?” I whisper, knowing I sound more than uncertain.

He presses his lips against mine, and I kiss him back, feeling him harden against me just like he did last night.  It’s odd.  I should make him stop but at the same time I don’t want him to, and I know he’s not going further than this.  We start to kiss wildly, and I hear him tell me that I’m perfect and beautiful, and that he loves me.

“I love you too.”  I whisper lazily when we finally stop, and he slides off me, pulling me close to him and holding me against his chest.  “We should probably put on something other than pajamas,” I tell him after a while.  “The car will be here soon.”

He sighs.  “Do we have to go?”

I laugh a little.  “Yes, Justin.”

“My house is pretty big, maybe we can just hide.”

“Trace would hunt us down.”

“True.”

“Come on.”  I slide out of his arms and get up from the bed, holding out my hand to help him up.  “Time to get a move on.”

He listens to me, reluctantly.  We’re both showered and dressed within the hour, and no sooner has Justin hauled the last of our luggage down to the front door than a car horn blares and I know Trace and Tarin have most likely arrived.  I open the door and see Trace emerging from a large Suburban.  I wave at him a little and he smiles enthusiastically and waves back.  Tarin emerges from the car soon after, looking slightly pale, but happy at the same time.

“Hey Mel!” Trace smiles.  “Did you get Justin’s ass out of bed?”

“It took some persuasion,” I laugh as he makes his way over to me and pulls me into a hug.  “But we’re all set.  Justin has the luggage by the door, he’s just in the foyer.”

“Cool.  Why don’t you and Tarin wait in the car and we’ll handle the bags?”

I nod at him, and go to Tarin.  She’s leaning against the car, pulling her hair back into a low ponytail, and she barely smiles when I lean against the empty spot beside her.  “Hey.”

“Hi,” she says quickly.

“You want to talk?”  I can tell something is off with her right away.  Of course, I haven’t known her that long, but Tarin is almost always upbeat, and smiling.  Right now she looks a little sick, and pretty miserable.  “Come on, I know something is bothering you.”

She shrugs a little bit.  “My body is just out of whack Mel.  I feel like I’m completely out of order right now.  The doctor says it’s normal to feel this way the first couple of months, but damn, it really makes me wonder why the hell people are so desperate to have kids in the first place.  It’s not worth feeling like this, let me tell you.”

I feel bad for her, and if I had half an inkling how she feels right now I might agree with her, but I don’t.  The idea of being pregnant at this stage of my life terrifies me, and I have to give it to Tarin...she’s really brave to be taking on such a huge responsibility despite how young she is, and how busy of a career she has.  “You won’t always feel this way,” I try to console her.  “When the baby finally comes you’ll be happy you put up with this.”

“You sound like the nurses at Doctor Taylors office,” she chuckles.  “I dunno Mel.  I mean, I’m happy to be having the baby and everything, but there’s so much stuff that goes along with it.  My parents don’t even know yet, and now...I”m going to be meeting Trace’s family in a few hours and I don’t know....I don’t know how bad his mother really is.  He seems terrified of her, so I have a pretty bad feeling about her reaction.  I don’t want Trace to know how insecure this is all making me though.”  She sighs and gives me a pathetic look.  “He’s stressed out enough as it is.”

“Baby! I made you some toast!”

We both look in the direction of Trace’s voice, and I can’t help but laugh when I see him standing there waving some bread in the air.  “He’s a nut,” I whisper to her.

“God, I know.”  Tarin rubs her eyes a little, but then she starts to laugh, and I know Trace has helped to ease her tensions somewhat.  “But he’s my nut.”

“Tarin you should sit in the car with Mel,” Trace tells her, a look of intense concern spreading across his face as he comes over and gives her the toast.  “I dont want you standing longer than you have to.”

“Trace I’m okay,” Tarin chuckles a little as she takes the it from him.  “I need some air anyway and I’ve hardly gained any weight yet.  I can stand for as long as I want.”

“You sure?”

She gives him the look of death.

“Oh...yeah...I’ll um...we’ll be out in a minute.”

“He’s up my ass constantly,” she groans once Trace is out of earshot.  “I can’t get a moment to myself sometimes, because he’s always asking me questions or looking up something on the internet about being pregnant.  You should see him at the doctor’s appointments.  He asks the guy more questions than I do.”

“He just loves you,” I tell her with a small chuckle.  “I think it calms him down, doing all of this for you.  It probably helps him forget how scared he is.”

Tarin rolls her eyes.  “Please make Justin take him out drinking when we get down to Tennessee.  I just want a night or two without him, and I know it will do him some good too.  I don’t care what I do.  We can watch a movie or something, right Mel?”

I shrug.  In all honesty I have no idea what’s going to happen once we get there, but to ease Tarin’s mind, I smile and reassure her that she’ll get the Trace free evening she’s so desperately seeking.

“So...what about you guys?”

I look back at her again, and she has a sly smirk resting on her lips.  I’m not stupid.  I know what she’s trying to get out of me, but I’m not so sure I want to tell her.  “What about us?” I murmur.

She laughs out loud, and I see the Tarin I’ve come to know so well reveal herself for the first time this morning.  “Gimme a break, Melanie.  What’s your status with Justin?  Don’t even tell me that y’all are still just talking, because I won’t believe you.  Are you guys a couple or what?”

I just shrug, but I know I can’t deny it.  Justin really is my boyfriend now.  No I haven’t shouted that fact off the rooftops or anything, but I can’t tell myself differently.  I know he considers me his girlfriend, even though he hasn’t announced it publicly or anything. I begin to wonder why Tarin is so curious, and if it has anything to do with her past with Justin, but I quickly rule it out.  She’s in love with Trace, anybody can see that.  She’s just curious, and really...why wouldn’t she be?  I’m dating her boyfriends best friend.  She’s in our little circle, and maybe...if I was normal, I’d want to talk to her about this stuff a lot more than I do. “I guess...I mean, if you want to get technical about it, yeah we are now.”

She squeals like a dumb teenager.

“Tarin...God...” I feel my face burning with embarrassment.  “You can’t go telling everybody in the world, okay? Please?

“Oh no, I won’t! I’m just so excited for you!” She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a huge hug.  “You guys are like...fucking made for each other.  I love it!”

“Thanks...”  I force myself to smile as I pull away from her, and thank the powers that be  when I finally see Justin and Trace hauling our bags out to the car.  I love the girl.  She’s probably the best friend I have right now, but she really gets excited over the weirdest things.

“What do you mean he’s not coming?”

My attention is immediately reverted to Justin.  He’s standing there, scowling at Trace, seeming to be very put off by something his friend has just told him.

“I told you, your mom said she didn’t want any of that back home,” Trace explains as he picks up a suitcase and puts it in the open trunk.  “Is it really so bad Justin? I mean, Shelby Forest isn’t exactly crime central.”

“Yeah, that’s really fuckin’ easy for you to say,” Justin says darkly.

“What’s the problem now?” Tarin speaks up tiredly.  “Honestly, Justin, I’m not in the mood for one of your temper tantrums today.”

Trace loads the last of the bags into the drunk and slams the lid shut.  “Eric isn’t coming,” he explains since Justin has decided to cross his arms and stare darkly out into space.

I sigh.  It sucks because I completely understand why Justin has an issue, and after what I overheard him saying on the phone, I can’t blame him for being terrified of going back home without some kind of security force.  I can understand Lynn’s point though.  This is a time for family, and if Eric were to tag along it would probably make a lot of people look at Justin differently.  Lynn wants him to stand alone and face his fears.  It’s tough love I guess, but that seems to come naturally with her.

“Justin quit being a pussy,” Tarin speaks up and marches over to him.  “You’re not going to make this trip all about you.  We all have issues we’re dealing with here. I mean, Melanie hasn’t met anybody else in the family besides your mom and I think you need to be a little bit more focused on her right now.  And fuck I’m about to fly down with you guys and tell some woman I’ve never met that...oh it’s great to meet you, by the way, I’m having your sons child. Not to mention that your best friend is about to piss himself because of that.  Grow the fuck up.”

He glares at her.  I look at Trace and he’s just standing there staring at his girlfriend with a look of utter shock on his face.  

“Tarin why don’t you...” Justin begins to grumble.

“Don’t push me, Timberlake,” Tarin cuts him off as she steps even closer to him and pushes herself up on the tips of her toes to meet his eye level.  “I’m pregnant, have a scorching case of morning sickness, and I’m about to be stuck on a plane with your spoiled whiney ass for far too long.  You know how I can be when I’m pissed, and you don’t want to fuck with me today.”

It’s crazy but he backs down after a moment and hangs his head low, like a little boy who’s just been scolded.  Tarin sighs but doesn’t hesitate to give me a smile when she meets my gaze again, and gets into the Suburban without another word.

For a while it’s completely silent.  Justin continues to stand there and sulk and Trace shifts his gaze between myself and his best friend.  I know we can’t continue to do this.  I mean, we have a flight to catch and the last thing we need is to have missed it because of something like this.  “Well that’s...settled...” I say uneasily.  “Maybe we should get going, right?”

Trace cracks up, like I’ve completely eased his tensions away.  “Yeah, c’mon J.  Let’s go.  It’ll be all right.”

It takes another few moments, but Justin finally looks up at us, his eyes a little bit glossy.  “I’m sorry,” he croaks, obviously feeling foolish about how he just acted.  “I just...”

“You’re fine.”  I smile and walk over to him so I can take his hand in mine, even giving him a little kiss on the cheek for added measure.  “Don’t worry, we’ll have a great time.”

It’s not much for me to say right now, but it does get him to smile a little bit.  “Yeah.  Yeah I think we will too,” he finally says.

The rest of us get settled into the Suburban.  Justin sits by the window, I sit next to him, Trace next to me, and Tarin by the other window.  Trace and Tarin stay cuddled together as the driver pulls out of Justin’s property, talking about things that make them both crack up, not really paying either of us any mind.  This is their vacation too of course, and I’m glad they are planning to enjoy it, despite their predicament.  I’m praying that this sudden mishap with Eric doesn’t put a damper on Justin’s mood the entire time.  I don’t know if I could handle it.  We’d end up in a fight, I’m sure, and after last night...after everything that’s happened between us, I really don’t want to end up back at square one with him again.

The ride is silent aside from Trace and Tarin’s playful banter.  Justin is focused, staring out the window.  I know he’s thinking...probably about a million different things and I don’t feel like bothering him, even if I am nervous as hell about what’s going to happen once we land in Tennessee.  There’s so many questions.  Who’s going to meet us at the airport? How many strange people will I have to force a smile for and act completely fake around right off the bat?  Of course there’s one thing I know for sure...

If that Kerri girl is around, I’m going to need to keep my guard up.  I doubt Jason would have warned me otherwise.

We get stuck in traffic for twenty minutes, and Justin grumbles to himself while Trace makes a call.  I don’t pay attention to what he says, I’m too busy rubbing Justin’s arm and telling him not to worry, that if we miss our flight we can just get booked on the next one.

He laughs at me.

“What did I say?”

“They can’t leave without us,” he smiles and nudges me a little bit.  “Don’t be so worried.”

“Can’t leave without us?” I look at him skeptically.  No, maybe I’m not famous like he is, but I do know that flights don’t stay grounded unless there’s bad weather.  “The captain isn’t going to stop his flight plans for us Justin.  There’s a lot of people on that plane that need to get where they’re going too.”

“Mel,” he says as he leans in close to me and shoots me a small smirk.  “We’re not flying commercial.  We’re flying private.”

“Oh?”  I feel stupid now.  I mean, I should have figured that I guess.  Why in the world would Justin fly commercial when he’s already been through so much?  He doesn’t trust people, especially since Eric isn’t around.  It makes sense.  “Right...”

“I haven’t taken the jet in a long time,” he says, and I can see the light coming back into his eyes, making his dull, dreary demeanor nearly nonexistent.  “It’ll be fun.  I can’t wait to show you.”

He squeezes my hand and I try not to blush, but fail miserably.  

“It’s about time you spoiled Mel a little,” Tarin chimes in.  “Lord knows, she deserves it after putting up with you for all this time.”

Justin scowls.

Twenty minutes later the signs pointing to LAX are looming over us, and I’m relieved that we’ll be one step closer to our destination in just a few minutes.  I look over at Justin again, and his eyes are half closed as he leans against the window.  I smile, and raise my hand, ready to stroke his forehead before the ringing of my cell phone stops
me.  Justin’s eyes flutter open at the sound, and I feel my cheeks turn a little pink when I realize that it’s Lynn calling me.  “It’s your mom.”

“Uh oh, J,” Trace chuckles.

Justin rolls his eyes.  “Maybe I should answer it.”

“She’s calling me though,” I sigh as I begin to flip my phone open.  “You know there’s probably a reason behind it.”

Justin groans while Trace laughs and Tarin smirks at him devilishly.

“Hi Lynn,” I answer brightly.

“Oh hi honey!” Lynn exclaims immediately.  “I just wanted to check in and make sure everything was okay before you got on the plane this morning.  I figured Justin might not answer so I called you instead.  I hope that’s okay.”

“Oh it’s fine,” I say with a smirk as Justin stares at me with wide eyes.  “We’re all here, on our way to the plane.  We should be there in a few minutes.”

“Well thank Jesus for that,” she says, relieved.  “Honestly, Melanie, I was having my doubts that Justin would go through with this.  I can’t thank you enough for coming along.  I know how much of a burden it must be.  You’re young and I’m sure you have things going on in your life too.”

She really has no idea what’s been going on, and I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.  When she finds out that Justin and I are together, I have no idea how she’ll react or if she’ll think it’s a positive thing.  I work for her after all.  She’s trusting me to make sure her son is doing okay, and yeah...I was for awhile...

Things just sort of escalated, that’s all.

“It’s really no trouble,” I tell her happily.  “I’ve never been to Memphis before, so it should be a good time.”

“What about Trace’s new fling,” Lynn asks me, her voice slightly softer now.  “Is she with you?”

“Well...yeah...” I say, trying to hide the discomfort in my voice, and by the look on Justin’s face I can tell he knows that his mother has started to pry into things.

“Is she a good girl?” Lynn questions me.  “I mean, well...” she trails off and laughs nervously.  “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah,” I reassure her, without giving the subject away to the rest of the people in the car.  “You’ll see.  Don’t worry Lynn.”

“It’s just that his mother’s been a wreck for months now,” she explains.  “He doesn’t tell her much.”

“Hey let me talk to her,” Justin whispers as I try desperately to think of a good response.  

“We can talk more when we get there,” I say quickly.  “Right now Justin is begging to get a word in.”

“Oh lord, of course he is.”  I can her her roll her eyes as she laughs.  “Well put him on then, and I’ll talk to you later when you get here.  Have a nice flight, honey.  I love you.”

I’m a little surprised.  It’s weird to hear her say that to me...like I’m family now.  But at the same time I’m finding that I can’t hide my smile.  “Thanks.  I love you too.  Bye.”

Justin’s smiles grows wider than it has since we left the house, and I hand him the phone.  He immediately begins to talk to her about Eric and I try to tune him out, which I find easy to do, when Trace begins to spark a conversation with me.

“She was talking about Tarin,” he says.  “Right?”

Tarin stares at me now too, her eyes searching me for an answer and I begin to feel extremely uncomfortable.  “She wanted to know if she was coming with us.”

Trace rolls his eyes.  “Like it’s her business anyway.”

“Trace...” Tarin sighs and rubs his shoulder.  “She means well, I’m sure.”
r32;“She’s my moms secret spy,” Trace spits out and shakes his head roughly.  “I love her but man...she’s not even giving you a chance, and she’s never met you either.”

Tarin shrugs.  “It comes with the territory.”

They both get stone silent after that, and I know they’re scared.  It’s becoming a very awkward situation, and I feel like I’m stuck in the middle of their issues and Justin’s issues at the same time.  He talks to Lynn up until we pull around onto the large tarmac reserved for private flights, and I see a few jets settled on the runway, waiting to be boarded.  

“We’re here,” Justin says into the phone.  “I’ll call you when we land.  Love you, momma.”  He snaps the phone closed and sighs a little.  “Shit, if this isn’t going to be the biggest gathering in Shelby since forever.”

“Can’t wait.” Trace grimaces.

I hear Tarin groan a little and I look down at my lap.  The tension is more than on.  I can feel it pulsing inside of me, stretching my nerves as thin as a wire, and I have no idea what to think.  All I know is that it’s too late to turn back now, and I have to be strong for Justin, because I’m probably the only positive part of this trip for him at the moment.

The car comes to a stop in front of one of the more upscale looking jets positioned on the tarmac.  A large set of stairs sits beside the plane, leading up to the doorway, where  a pleasant looking woman is standing, seemingly waiting for us to come to her.  It’s the lap of luxury, and it feels strange that I’m suddenly a part of it.  The driver announces that we’ve arrived, as if we didn’t know, and he gets out and opens Justin’s door.  He climbs out after a moment and stretches a little bit, before turning to help me out of the car by the hand.  

“Shouldn’t we get our bags?” I giggle a little as he starts to lead me over to the stairs.

“The driver and the crew will take care of it,” he reassures me quickly.  “C’mon I want you to meet Sydney.”

Sydney turns out to be the name of the woman stationed at the top of the stairs.  She has a big smile on her face when we finally reach the top of them, and shrieks a little as she throws her arms around Justin, who returns her embrace just as eagerly.

“It’s so great to see you!” She exclaims.  “And Trace! My God!!”  She pulls him into an equally big hug as he leads Tarin up the stairs behind us, and motions us all to follow her onto the plane once they’ve let go of each other.

“How you fellas doin’?”  A tall, middle aged man greets us as we enter the plane.

“Ethan!”  Justin gives the man a firm hand shake.  “They didn’t tell me you were going to be flying us!”

“Wouldn’t miss it.  It’s been too long kid.”  Ethan winks.  “Good to see you, Trace,” he nods.

“Hey Ethan.”  Trace smiles and shakes the man’s hand as if he’s known him equally as long.  “It’s been way too long.”

“Don’t let it happen again.”  He puts on a fake sort of glare before I catch his eye and he smiles at me warmly.  “Now who are these two pretty girls?”

“Oh...this is Melanie,” Justin says warmly.  “My um...”

“Assistant,” I butt in and shake his hand professionally.  “Sort of.”

Ethan chuckles, like he doesn’t believe it, but pretends to anyway.  “Nice to meet you.  Hope you enjoy the flight.”

“Thanks,” I say, feeling my face turning red.

Justin leads me away as Trace begins to introduce Tarin to the pilot, and I take a seat beside him a little towards the middle of the aircraft.  Sydney immediately comes over, and starts asking us embarrassing questions like...if I’m really Justin’s girlfriend in disguise, which Justin doesn’t exactly deny.  He winks at her and says  ‘you’ll just have to wait and see’.  I could kill him, but it probably isn’t the best time.

“How about a champagne for take off?” She offers brightly once Tarin and Trace have positioned themselves in the seats adjacent from us.  

“Make it three champagnes and a water,” Trace tells her with a smirk and he squeezes Tarin’s hand.  “And some of those little shrimp things you always make.”

“Shrimp cocktails you retard,” Justin snickers.

“Coming right up,” she smiles.  “Now buckle up and we’ll take off in just a few minutes.”

We all buckle our seatbelts and I take a few moments to take in the surroundings.  It really is a beautiful airplane.  Full leather interior, gold accents, a big screen TV positioned at the far end of the plane, and what looks to be a spacious bathroom.  It must have cost a fortune, and probably even more to upkeep.  I get what Jason’s concerns are with women’s intentions when it comes to Justin.  I’ve never stopped to think about just how much money he has.  But that’s not even a factor with me.  I just...enjoy him.  I doubt many women have been able to do that.

I feel...special.

Justin drapes and arm over my shoulders as he and Trace begin to get into a conversation that I don’t pay attention to.  Tarin is flipping through a magazine, yawing every couple of seconds, and something tells me that she won’t be awake too much longer.  It’s better if she sleeps on the plane of course.  I doubt she’s going to relax much once we land.

“Here you go.”

Sydney returns with our champagne, and Tarin’s water, before reminding us to prepare for take off.  When she walks away, Trace clears his throat and lifts his champagne into the air with a smile.

“To the dirty south,” he chuckles.

Justin, Tarin, and I all raise our glasses to this.  Tarin doesn’t hesitate to roll her eyes at me, and I snort out a laugh.

“May we all come back in one piece,” Justin adds, before we all clink our glasses and sip our drinks.

Then the jet begins to move.  I see Tarin grow tense immediately, and she presses her face into Trace’s shoulder.  I realize that she’s scared, and it’s so weird to see her this way, when she’s normally so tough about everything else.

“Babe, I told you...” Trace strokes her hair and looks up at the two of us with a small smirk.  “Nothin’s going to happen, okay?”

“Just shut up!” She whimpers.  “It’s just taking off...it freaks me out.”

Trace continues to console her, and I turn to Justin, who is looking back at me with a soft smile.

“Are you freaked out too?” He says softly.  “Because I can protect you, Mel.”

“The only thing I’m freaked out about, is what’s going to happen once we’re back on the ground,” I laugh at him as he pulls my head down to rest on his shoulder.  “This is the easy part.”

“Yeah.”  He doesn’t smile this time.  “You’re right about that.”

I sigh a little, but don’t comment any further.  Really, there’s no point.  We’re all stressed, and need to take this time to relax and clear our minds before we arrive.  I gaze out the window as the jet picks up more speed, and then we’re being lifted off the ground with a powerful force.  Justin gets a little bit tense, but eases up as soon as we are in the air.  Tarin however, is sobbing into her boyfriends shoulder, obviously freaked out, and I feel a little bad.  She never told me how scared she is of flying.  “Is she going to be all right?” I whisper.

“Fine,” Trace sighs.  “Just give her a minute.”

Justin is laughing and I look over at him, swatting at his shoulder a little bit because he’s being insensitive.  “Stop it,” I whisper at him harshly.  

“I just...I never knew big tough Tarin had a soft spot.”

“I hate you, Justin,” she whimpers.  “I could tell Mel some stories about your fear of flying from back in the day, but I’m not that shallow.”

“Oh really now?” I raise an eyebrow and smirk at Justin.  “I thought I felt you getting a little tense before...”

“Hey...let’s not turn the subject around now...”

“Like the time you were fifteen and pissed yourself,” Trace snorts.  “Little pussy, clinging to me like a baby.  Trace! Trace! We’re gonna die!”

My mouth drops open slightly, and Tarin seems to perk right up at the story.

“I was young,” Justin defends.  “Fifteen...you know, I’d never been on a flight longer than three hours before.”

“You peed!” Tarin howls and slaps her thigh.  

“I’m sorry, Justin,” I say, not being able to control my laughter.  “You had that one coming to you.”

“Yeah yeah,” Justin groans.  

“We called him Pisserlake for a month,” Trace points out as Sydney brings over her famous shrimp cocktail and hands us each one.  “I almost forgot about that.  It was great.  I even had people back home doing it.”

“It’s better than Tracey,” Justin smirks.  “Widdle Twacey.  Momma wuvs you sooo much.”

“Fuck off,” Trace grunts, putting an arm around Tarin as she cuddles up closer to his chest.  “It ain’t my fault.  My dad started that shit.”

“You know,” Tarin says, looking up into her boyfriends face.  “You don’t talk about him.”

“Who, my dad?” He asks her.

She nods.

Trace doesn’t answer her right away, and I look at Justin.  He’s looking at Trace with understanding in his eyes, and I know the conversation has gone from humorous to very awkward in the matter of seconds.

“Trace’s dad is...a character,” Justin says with a small laugh.  “You’ll see.”

“Well I mean, it would be nice to hear more about him now,” Tarin persists.  “I’d like to know a little more about him before I meet him, baby.”

“You don’t really need to know,” Trace shakes his head a little and won’t meet any of our  gazes.  “You’ll meet him and then you’ll get it.”

“That’s dumb,” Tarin pouts.  “I mean, it’s stupid that you’re so secretive about your family.  I brought you to meet mine, you know all about them.”

“Your family is normal.”  He’s gazing out the window now.

“I’m sure your family isn’t as abnormal as you think...”r32;r32;

“Tarin.”  Justin speaks up.

We all look at him.

“You should just leave it for now,” he tells her.

And even I’m surprised.

“If your sister were here she would tell me,” Tarin continues.  “I still don’t see why you made her fly commercial, Trace.  It’s so stupid.  There’s more than enough room for her here.”

“I told you, she’s doing me a favor,” Trace snaps at her.  “Why are you all over me?  We were having a good day.  Why ruin it?”

“Because I’m sick of you hiding everything from me! We’re going to be at your moms in a few hours, my fucking god! I can’t stand this anymore!”

She’s pregnant, irritable, and nervous.  It’s only natural for her to be confused about Trace’s decisions too, and she can’t hold her emotions back.  It sucks for Trace.  I’m sure he’s just as nervous, but way too timid to yell at his girlfriend.  Not while she’s pregnant.  

“He’s a drunk,” he snaps at her.  “He lives in the little apartment we built off the garage, because my mom couldn’t stand having him in the house with her anymore.  I haven’t talked to him in about a year, and before that, we hardly spoke as it was.  Half the time, he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, and when he does he acts like an idiot and embarrasses all of us. Happy?”

She just stares at him.  “Baby...I...”

“I gotta piss.”  He yanks off his seatbelt and pushes himself harshly out of the seat, being careful to step over all of our feet before storming down the aisle and slamming the bathroom door shut behind him.

“Shit...” Tarin trails off and rubs her face with her hands.

“Told you to leave it alone,” Justin mutters.  “You push shit way too hard sometimes, Tar.”

Justin kisses my cheek and tells me not to worry about it, but I can’t help but feel bad.  It was something so personal and Trace just had to blurt it all out like that.  I can imagine how hard it must be...having to see his father like this.  He can’t even confide in him about the baby or anything.  It’s just his mother.  His mother who seems to have a problem with everything he does.

Suddenly the fact that Justin and I are about to be faced with more of his family than we can handle doesn’t seem like the biggest deal in the world.  Trace and Tarin’s problems are just as big as our own.

And I realize now more than ever how much the four of us really need one another.

Trace returns from the bathroom a short while later, and Tarin looks up at him with a fearful expression.  He takes one glance at us and tells her he needs to talk to her and she willingly agrees to go sit with him at the other end of the plane.  Justin lets out a long breath and a short laugh once we’re alone and tells me he’s glad we can have a little privacy before we land.  Sydney comes back around and serves us our lunch: Beef Wellington with creamy mashed potatoes that tastes as if it were prepared by a master chef, and we eat and talk, while a movie begins to play on the big screen TV.  It’s a comedy that seems to ease the tension on the airplane.  I even hear Tarin and Trace laughing at one point and I know that they aren’t as frustrated now.

The movie ends, and I end up leaning my head against Justin’s shoulder as he strokes my hair, not being able to keep myself from dozing off.  I dream about a quaint suburban town, it’s sidewalks lined with hundreds of people staring and whispering to one another as Justin and I pass by, holding hands.  

“You’re not good enough for our Justin.” One lady calls out to me, her finger pointed threateningly at my chest.

“Maybe they’re right.”  Lynn steps out of the crowd and steps in front of us, blocking our path.  “Justin, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

He turns to me.  “I gotta go with my mom’s opinion, Mel.  I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

My eyes snap open and I gasp, looking around like I have no idea where I am, before I feel Justin’s hand on my shoulder, rubbing it consolingly.

“Mel.”  He says gently.

I turn and look at him.  His eyes are twinkling at me and he’s smiling, like he’s the happiest guy in the world.  “I...um...”

“Bad dream?”

He says it like he knows exactly what happened, but of course he would.  Justin’s been through so much at this point, he can read emotions easily.  “Sort of,” I laugh nervously, and yank my water bottle towards me so I can gulp some down.  

“I know you’re nervous,” he tells me when I finish drinking and look at him again.  “I’m...maybe I shouldn’t have pushed this.”

He looks down at his lap and I sigh.  Sure, Justin pushed for this, but I could have backed out.  I had plenty of chances.  But the truth is, I want to be here now.  I want to experience this with him, meet his family, and have a good time.  “I want to be here,” I tell him softly.  “It was just a stupid dream.”

“Was my mom in it?”  He asks, only half looking up at me.

I laugh a little.  “Well yeah.  She sort of blocked our path.”

“Well thats my mom,” he smiles.  “But she loves you.  I mean, she really does.  It’s been years since she’s loved a girl in my life this much, and I know my family is going to feel the same way.”

It makes me smile, but still I feel that harsh feeling of uncertainty rushing through my vains.  “Everyone?”

It takes him a moment, but he shrugs a little.  “Everybody who matters.”

The name Kerri comes to mind, and I realize I have no idea if she’s going to be around or not.  “Justin...”

He silences me with a kiss.  “Look, I just want to have a good time with you, Mel.  I want to have a normal week off from my life for once.  I mean...the last time I came home for a break...” He trails off and shakes his head.  “I don’t want to be scared of going home anymore.”

I know I need to drop it.  I can feel that stiffness taking over his body as I lean into him, and the last thing he needs is to be nervous and unlike himself when we land.  “You don’t have to be.”  I smile at him and press a soft kiss on his lips.  

“I won’t be, because you’re here,” he tells me, his smile reemerging as he returns my kiss.  

Then we’re silent, gazing out the window together, wrapped in each others arms.  I know I don’t need to say anything else, because I know exactly how he feels, and having me here beside him, is making him completely calm.  Another hour passes with us like this, cuddled together, practically in our own little world since Trace and Tarin are seated so far from us.  Then Sydney comes back, offering us some drinks and letting us know that we’ll be landing within the hour.  Justin seems to perk up at this, and Sydney gives him a reassuring smile before leaving us.

“The flight was kind of quick,” he says quietly.

“Yeah.”  I nod, but I know I sound nervous as hell.

Trace and Tarin come back and join us for the landing.  Trace eyes me a little, and I can tell he’s trying to sense Justin’s mood through me.  What can I do though?  I can’t tell Trace exactly what I’m thinking, because I doubt Justin would be comfortable with it.  I only sigh a little and pick up a magazine.  It’s what Tarin has resorted to doing, and I figure if it helps her to calm down, it can do the same thing for me.

My stomach begins to do somersaults when Captain Ethan comes over the intercom and tells us to prepare for landing.  I feel my body go rigid as I fasten my seatbelt. This is it...there’s no going back.

I close my eyes until I feel the plane hit solid ground again.  A loud round of applause and cheers erupt from Justin and Trace.  When I open my eyes I find that Tarin had resorted to burying her face in Trace’s shoulder again for the landing, and I can’t help but chuckle and join in on the little celebration.

“So who’s picking us up anyway?” Justin asks Trace, as the plane continues to roll along the tarmac.    “My mom didn’t tell me much, just that somebody would be there to meet us.”

“Well, Britt said she’d see me when I got off the plane,” Trace nods.  “So I guess it’s her.”

“Oh, cool.”  Justin flashes a clam smile as he gives my hand a squeeze, and I know that Trace’s news has eased his mind.  I doubt he wanted to deal with any serious family member immediately upon landing, and I can’t deny that I didn’t want to either.  

The airplane finally comes to a stop, and when I look out the window I realize we are in the middle of the tarmac just like we were when we took off.  I’m assuming somebody made these arrangements so Justin would feel completely comfortable, and I’m thankful.

“So, how’d I do?” Captain Ethan says once he reemerges from the cockpit.  “Is everybody in once piece?  I heard one of the ladies was a little scared of flying.”

We all chuckle nervously as Tarin blushes.

“You were great,” Justin finally speaks up as he shakes the captain’s hand.  “Thanks for doing this.”

“You bet.”  He winks.  “See you in a few days?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you,” I say quietly as Justin leads me away.  

Sydney is positioned by the door on our way out, and hugs Justin goodbye, before doing the same to me.  

“So good to see Justin with a nice girl!” She says with a wide smile.  “I’ll see you on the return flight right?”

“Uh...yeah...” I chuckle.  “I’ll be here.”

“Bye Syd.”  Justin slips her a sly smile as he ushers me through the open doorway leading to the staircase.  “I’ll fill you in when we fly home.”

I swat him.

“I was just making friendly conversation!” He glances over his shoulder as he leads me down the stairs and smiles at me.  “I haven’t seen her in a while!”

I just roll my eyes.  “Uh huh.”

When my feet are finally planted on solid ground, I begin to take in my surroundings.  It’s overcast in Memphis today, a world away from the sunny southern California that I’ve grown accustomed to.  It never rains there, and I’m not certain, and I hate to be a Debbie downer, but I’ve always associated dreary whether with difficult situations.  Still, I try to smile as Trace and Tarin finish walking down the steps and make their way over to us.  

“Are you ready for this?” Tarin asks me quietly as the guys walk ahead of us.  “I mean, I feel fucking sick to my stomach right now.”

I just shrug.  “It won’t be so bad.”  I try to console her but my tone is anything but believable.

“How are you not nervous?” Tarin scoffs.  “Justin’s mom doesn’t even know...”r32;r32;“Tarin.”  I cut her off and give her a dark look. “I know you’re scared but don’t turn this around on me, okay?”

She bites her bottom lip.  “I’m...I’m sorry, Mel.”

I sigh and drape an arm over her shoulders.  “I understand.”

I hope and pray that Trace’s mother takes their news well.  Despite everything I thought in the beginning, Tarin really is a good person.  Things just...happened, and what they both really need is support from their families.  I won’t say anything either of course, but...but I just don’t know how much of a chance they have at gaining it.  It’s a lot to spring on people who have no idea what’s been going on.  I mean, if Lynn was asking me questions about Tarin, his family must have no idea how serious their relationship is. I can’t imagine why Trace would want to be so secretive, but after finding out about his father, I’m sure there’s a lot more to him than I know at this point.

We catch up with the guys at the back entrance to the airport terminal and Trace takes Tarin by the hand as some security personnel come to escort us to baggage claim.  I look at Justin, and he smiles a little as he takes me by the hand again before we are lead through a doorway by the security guards.   Naturally, our bags are waiting for us in the lost baggage office, and within ten minutes we’ve reached the exit.  I recognize Brittany right away once we step outside.  She’s leaning against a massive SUV, smiling happily as she runs up to her brother and pulls him into a giant hug, doing the same to Tarin a moment later.

“Hey y’all!” She greets us soon after.  Justin pecks her on the cheek quickly, and she doesn’t hesitate to give me a quick hug afterward.  “Sorry about the weather, Mel.  It’s your first trip to Memphis right?”

“Yeah.  But it’s really not a big deal.”

“Don’t worry.”  Her smile grows wider.  “It’s supposed to be really nice the rest of the week.  Perfect for parties!”

Justin chuckles and I feel his hand latch onto mine again.  I look at him, feeling the fear take over my expression at the mention of attending a party.  I should have figured there were going to be a couple of them.  This is Justin’s homecoming after all.  But still...the idea of going to one scares the crap out of me.  There’s so many dark memories buried in my mind still.  The last party I attended was years ago...when I was raped.

But I can’t let that effect the moment.

“Yeah I can’t wait!” I force an enthusiastic smile for her, and when she lets out a small giggle, I can tell she didn’t buy into it.

Oh well.

“So c’mon.  Everybody is waiting to see you guys, and it’s my responsibility to make it a fast delivery.”  

Brittany turns to get into the drivers side of the SUV and Trace opens the back door, letting Tarin get in before him.  Justin gently pulls me forward so we can follow, but the sudden blaring of a car horn makes us stop and turn around.

A vintage light blue pick up truck has pulled up to the curb, it’s paint weathered from years of wear and tear.  It’s engine rumbles, causing the entire thing to shudder, but soon enough it cuts off and an elderly gentleman gets out.  He stands before us with a little smirk on his face, that I’ve seen on Justin’s face a thousand times before.

“Oh shit.  Poppa came.”

Trace said it, but I can’t look at him.  Justin’s hand has suddenly become extremely sweaty, and when I look up at him I find that he’s staring at the man dumbfounded, all the color having drained from his face.

“Hey boy.”  The gentleman says gingerly as he moves closer to us, his hands shoved carelessly into the pockets of his denim overalls.  “You get here fine?”

“I um...”  Justin lets go of my hand quickly and looks at the ground.  “Yeah, it was fine.”

“Hi Poppa.”  Trace calls out.  “We’ll see you later on, guys.”

I turn around, but the car door has already slammed.  It’s obvious he wanted to get out of here quickly, to avoid the situation.  That bastard.  

Brittany honks as she pulls the SUV away from the curb, and then they’re gone.  Now it’s only me, Justin, and who I can only assume is Justin’s grandfather.  I’m guessing Lynn was probably in on this, but knew Justin would never go for it if he was informed beforehand.  I wish she had though.  This is entirely too awkward.

“Well, be a gentleman and introduce your lady friend,” Poppa says, his gaze lazily landing on me.

“Oh...”  Justin snaps to attention and stares at me.  “This is...this is Melanie.  She’s...”

“I’m Justin’s assistant.”  I immediately say, making sure to turn my smile on as I stick my hand out for Poppa to shake.

“Ah, yes yes, Lynn mentioned you.  You must have your hands full.”  He laughs as he shakes my hand, and I can tell it’s genuine, not fake, not something he’s pulling out to make Justin feel more comfortable.   “Well, I feel honored that I get to be the first to drive you around Memphis.  Now, how about we get loaded up?”  He says it to Justin more than me.  “Your momma wants you home soon.  She’s runnin’ around like her heads been cut off.”