Tarin didn’t feel like dancing, but she did like the whole ambience of the place, and the fact that Siobhan wanted to talk about their life stories. I sat there with my arm around her, talking sports with Scott, and drinking as much as I felt I could without acting like an asshole. I didn’t see Kerri much at all. She’d taken Cooper off to the dance floor after the first few drinks. I took that as a good thing. It meant things weren’t as terrible between them like I’d originally thought, and I figured the rest of the night would go smoothly.
But I was wrong.
Kerri was more drunk than I’d seen her in a long time when we left the night club, and Cooper had to hold her up so she wouldn’t fall to the ground as we made our way back to the limousine. Tarin laughed in my ear and called her a fucking idiot but I didn’t respond. If Kerri was drinking that much it meant something was bothering her, and I realized there was a lot more on her mind than she or Cooper was letting on. Still, I knew I had to talk to her about the flight home, and while it was wrong, I prayed that her drunken state would make the news seem a little less devistating in her mind.
Naturally it didn’t. She yelled, begged me to take her on the jet because she needed to talk to Justin. It was as if her life depended on it, and maybe if Melanie wasn’t around and things were different I would have given in. But that wasn’t how things were. Melanie was Justin’s girlfriend and there was no way I could bring Kerri on the same flight. It would be a nightmare, and I tried to let her down gently, but when she wouldn’t stop insisting on letting me come with her I decided I had to lie a little so she would shut up.
“Look...Ker...I would, okay?” But Justin told me he doesn’t want to see you.”
This only seemed to make her angrier though, and I could tell whether she believed me or not, despite the fact that she was telling me I was a liar and that she didn’t believe me. She even went as far as to question my friendship with Justin, asking me how I could be so close with him after what he did to her. Naturally this angered me. Kerri knew what I’d done and said to Justin regarding the situation, but it didn’t seem to be enough for her then.
“How can you still be this obsessed with him after what he did to you!” I countered.
She shut up after that. I guess I hit the nail on the head with that one, because she knew I had a point. There was no reason for her to be so infatuated with Jusitn. He’d moved on and Kerri had a boyfriend too...a good one, so why was she still so adamant on talking to Justin? It’s something I still don’t understand.
I told Kerri that Justin wasn’t her life anymore, and that she needed to understand that before reassuring her my sister would be at the house the next morning to pick her up. I went into the limo after that, leaving her alone to sort out her emotions. When Tarin, Siobhan and Scott got back into the limo I looked back at the porch one last time to see if Kerri had calmed down at all. She was leaning against the porch, still crying, and I was able to see Cooper standing behind her in the open doorway, probably having overheard our entire conversation.
I have no idea what happened after that, but I won’t be surprised if Kerri tells me that they broke up. She deserves that kind of a wake up call, and I won’t feel sorry for her. When Brittany picked us up at the airport though, her mood was upbeat and I figured her flight went okay. I knew she would have told me right away if Kerri had told her something important, and so I started to relax a little bit.
At least until Poppa Timberlake showed up.
We were all set to get into the SUV Tarin had rented, and then a horn blared somewhere behind us, causing all of us to turn around and look. I recognized Poppa’s light blue Ford pickup right away, and I knew he’d probably taken it upon himself to pick Justin up from the airport. I held my breath as he got out of the car and greeted Justin. I knew it was awkward for him, because they hadn’t spoken in so long. He’d even told me that he was hoping to put off talking to his grandfather until after he’d gotten settled in, but that obviously wasn’t the plan. I could have stuck around too, but Tarin was there and I didn’t want to be asked a million question about her, so we jumped into the SUV and Brittany got the hint because the next thing I knew she was speeding away from the curb, and Brittany was laughing.
“Who was that?” Tarin questioned automatically.
“Justin’s grandfather,” I explained, quietly. “He’s kind of a hard ass.”
“Poor Melanie,” Tarin sighed. “We should have taken her with us.”
“Well Justin needed somebody there with him,” I chuckled. “Otherwise Poppa Timberlake might have punched him in the gut.”
“He’s right,” Brittany called from the drivers seat. “It’s better we stay away from that whole thing.”
Tarin looked up at me with wide, concerned eyes. “Is your mom that bad?”
Brittany and I both laughed pretty hard at that. “She has a fiery attitude, but I don’t think she’s capable of beating me up,” I said.
“I don’t know, Trace,” Brittany said with a chuckle. “Once she finds out what you’ve been up to she might be capable of anything.”
We were all silent after that. Tarin seemed nervous and I was reminded of all the things that my mother would probably say once I told her the news. It caused my stomach to rumble, and I had to take half a pack of Rolaids as we pulled into Shelby Forest that day. There were cars littering the street as we roared into our neighborhood, and I figured everybody had arrived the same day to begin the wedding celebration. I had no idea what to expect, or if I was going to be able to talk to my mom about the baby right away. The only thing I knew for certain was that I needed a beer, and my best friend whenever time permitted that.
Brittany parked the car in the driveway, behind what I knew to be my brothers new Spyder. I’d sent him a check the previous Christmas to go out and buy whatever car he wanted, but he hadn’t made his mind up until recently. It was nice, silver with chrome, something that went fast, and I laughed a little, knowing he would probably get himself in trouble with a speeding ticket eventually.
It was the last carefree moment I had that morning.
“Momma!” Brittany squealed as she pushed the door open. My mom immediately came into view, her arms outstretched to her daughter with a wide smile. It was the woman I adored, the one I could talk to, and I wished that her mood would stay that way. I positioned myself in front of Tarin so my mom wouldn’t see her right away and I felt her press her face into my back. I knew she was scared then too.
“Tracey?” My mom finally said when she let go of my sister.
“Hey, momma,” I forced a smile, and finally stepped aside so Tarin could be seen. I walked across the room quickly so I could hug her before she could begin tearing into my girlfriend. “It’s great to see you.”
She clung to me tightly for several minutes, and I never wanted her to let go. It had been too long and I realized how much I’d been shutting her out of my life. It wasn’t fair to her either, and I hoped there was a way I could tell her my news without setting her off. That she could accept the babies, and Tarin, somehow.
“Mom, I want you to meet somebody,” I smiled as I let go of her and threw an arm around her slender shoulders. “This is Tarin,” I pointed out, as my girlfriend stood in the middle of the room, with a nervous smile on her face. “We’ve been dating for a few months, and I wanted to bring her home to meet everybody.”
“Hi,” Tarin said softly, barely meeting my mothers gaze.
My mom pulled away from me then and studied my girlfriend for several minutes. I knew it was her way of figuring things out. I’m sure she was trying to answer her own questions about my girlfriend, and I hated when she did that. She just...she never took the time to get to know somebody I was dating. She always assumed things. Even with Elisha it had been that way. I was sick of it.
“Well Trace hasn’t told me much,” My mom said to Tarin after a while. “I’m sorry to be a little standoffish, I’m just not really ready to trust you yet.”
I looked at Brittany and her mouth had fell open. I started to feel nauseous. Apparently my mother had been saving her aggressions for this one moment. She knew I was dating somebody, most likely bringing her home, and she couldn’t wait to make her feelings known.
“Mom! Come on!” Brittany said.
But she just walked away, and the most I could do was stand there and give Tarin a sympathetic look.
“Oh my god, Tarin, I’m sorry about her,” My sister quickly said. “She’s just...”r32;
“I get it.” Tarin grunted in disgust, and walked right back out of the house, slamming the door behind her.
“Fuck.” I ran my hands through my hair and shook my head. What was I supposed to do?
“Go after her,” my sister said immediately. “I’ll talk to mom, okay?”
I shook my head. “Are you fucking kidding me?” I snapped once I turned back to her. “What the fuck is mom doing?”
“Trace, she’s upset, okay?” Brittany explained. “You’ve barely been speaking. Did you really think she was going to be happy about somebody new?”
I gave her a dark look. “You never told me it was this bad, Britt.”
She laughed at me bitterly and rolled her eyes. “Did I really have to? Jesus, Trace, you think you can just cut mom off and expect her to be all smiles when you come home months later with a new girlfriend? That’s not how life works, and I didn’t want to stress you out more so I didn’t bother telling you how upset she’s been. Now you know, okay? You’re seriously going to have to make this up to her while you’re here.”
“Oh yeah,” I chuckled. “That should work out real well considering what’s going on.”
Brittany crossed her arms and sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, big brother. That’s something you guys have to figure out on your own, and help mom to understand. It’s not going to be easy, but it is what it is.”
“Right.” I shook my head and just walked out of the house after that. It wasn’t her fault of course. Britt had just been trying to tell me how mom felt, but it was really hard for me to accept that. I had no idea what to tell her about the baby, but knew she would completely overreact when I did. I almost considered flying back to Los Angeles as I walked around looking for Tarin, but knew that I couldn’t. Rachael would never forgive me for missing her brother’s wedding, and I knew that Justin needed me too. I was stuck, and it was bullshit.
I found Tarin a few minutes later, sitting on the little porch swing that was built onto my father’s garage apartment. She was crying, and I immediately walked over there and sat down next to her. “Hey,” I said quietly.
“H-hey,” she sniffled.
“Look, this is new for her. It won’t be like this all week.” I explained while rubbing my hand gently across her back.
“No, it will just be worse when she finds out about the babies,” she sobbed. “Trace, I dont’ know if I can do this. I can’t...deal with it.”
“I’ll make it right,” I promised her, as I kissed her neck gently. “I will, okay?”
I only half believed it, but I wanted Tarin to feel better and I guess I would have said anything at that point to make her stop crying.
“Boy!”
The screen door to the garage apartment banged open then, and the last person in the world that I wanted to see stumbled out of it. He had a beer bottle in his hand and was laughing like he’d just heard the funniest joke in the world. I stared at him, hating how he was, and immediately pulled Tarin to her feet. “Let’s go,” I said to her gently.
“Is that your dad?”
“Let’s just go,” I said to her with more force in my voice.
“Tracey!” My father bellowed and held his arms open for a brief second before he stumbled again and fell onto the ground.
“Damn it.” I grunted and let go of Tarin’s hand so I could get my dad back on his feet. Flashbacks of being thirteen and having to do the same thing came rushing back to me, and while I wanted to simply throw him across the yard and into the shed, I found myself getting him seated on the porch swing instead.
“Tracey, I wush thinking about you the other day,” my father slurred and laughed. “Yer brother got that fancy car, and he told me I wasn’t allowed near it. He sounded jus’ like you. Now I have two sons that hate their poppa. Yer both little assholes. You charm yer momma with yer money but you don’ fool me! Your sister may be a whore but she has respect for her poppa!”
He took another swing of his beer, and belched before slurring out: “little assholes” one more time.
“It’s great to see you too, daddy,” I muttered, before taking Tarin by the hand and dragging her out of the yard.
It was starting. I hadn’t even been in town for a day yet and already it was starting. It reminded me of every reason why I wanted to get out of Shelby originally, and I was so thankful for Justin. I hadn’t thought about it in so long, the real reason I didn’t have to deal with my father anymore, and it made me regret having the issues I had with Justin. Tarin had been right. He was there for me, always, and I needed to be thankful for that.
“Baby.” Tarin said to me gently as we walked along the sidewalk. “Baby, look at me.”
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at her. “I’m sorry about him.” I said, trying my hardest to keep my dignity in front of her.
She shook her head. “Trace, you don’t have to hold back everything for my sake.”
She got it. She got it and she didn’t think any less of me for having a father like that. “I just...I just wish I had a father like yours, you know?” I whispered, knowing I was about to cry. “I wish I had somebody I could rely on, and my mom...my mom is usually okay, but...but right now I feel so fucking lost.”
“Shh.” She pulled me down to her so she could hold me and rub my back, and I let go. I let myself cry and I hadn’t been able to do that in such a long time.
“I got you,” she said to me. “It’s okay.”
I managed to get control of myself after a while, and I decided that it would be a good idea to get Tarin in a better environment, so we went over to Lynns. Her neighborhood barbeque had started already, and I knew that Justin and Mel were in there someplace amongst the throngs of people. When we went into the backyard, we were immediately greeted by Justin’s dad, well stepfather, but he might as well have been Justin’s dad, and he escorted us over to the table where Justin was seated, chowing down on some ribs with his mom, Melanie, and his cousin Rachael.
“Hey, stranger,” Rachael chuckled, greeting us first. “Didn’t know if you’d ever get away from your mom.” She glanced at Tarin and raised an eyebrow before focusing on her food again.
“Rachael, stop being fresh!” Lynn scolded as she got up from the table and came to greet us. I met Justin and Melanie’s gazes for a split second, and they looked sympathetic. I was sure Justin had an idea of my mother’s reaction to Tarin’s presence, and I couldn’t wait to talk to him about it.
Lynn pulled me into a hug, which I accepted gratefully. It was only when she pulled away and stared at Tarin, that I started to feel the dread return to me.
“And who is this?” Lynn questioned, looking me sharply in the eye.
“This is Tarin,” I said quickly, and felt her latch her hand onto mine. “My girlfriend. Babe, this is Justin’s mom, Lynn.”
Even though there were other guests in the backyard, I could still hear how silent Lynn’s particular table had gotten due to Tarin’s introduction. I saw Justin, saw how he was holding his breath in anticipation, and I prayed that Lynn’s reaction would be better than my moms.
“Hi,” Tarin said it as quietly as she had when I’d introduced her to my mother.
“Well don’t look so scared, darlin!” Lynn laughed and threw her arms around her, pulling her into a tight hug. “We’re all family here,” she smiled.
I think I let out the biggest breath I had all day, and when I looked back over at the table, Justin, Melanie, and Rachael were all cracking up, probably because they’d been so petrified.
“Now you just sit yourself down right here, next to me.” Lynn led Tarin over to the table and practically forced her to sit down. “Trace! Get this girl some food! Look how thin she is! Do you like barbeque, honey?”
“Oh...um, yeah, okay,” Tarin said, with a nervous laugh.
I glanced back at Justin once more before I left to make us some plates of food. He was smiling at me, like everything was going to be okay, and I was so thankful that Lynn was trying her best to be supportive. I knew that if something really went wrong, she was going to be there to help Tarin and I through it no matter what.
We ate to our heart’s content and I found myself to be in a much better mood. Tarin seemed to be as well. Lynn took to her really well and even asked if she wanted to come out that evening with Melanie and a few of the other girls. I didn’t have a problem with it. I would have rather she been out having fun anyway so I told her to go and have a good time. Rachael said that she wasn’t up for it. She wanted to have a fire at my house and invite some people, and I told her that it sounded like fun. I asked Justin if he wanted to come as well, but he said he wanted to spend some time with his dad, which I couldn’t blame him for wanting to do.
Tarin kissed me goodbye and went off with Melanie after dinner, so I decided to go see if my brother had returned home yet, figuring he might want to hang for a little while. It was almost dark outside. The sky was turning a orangey pink color, and as I began to head back towards my mother’s house, I saw a familiar figure making their way out of the neighborhood. The limp gave Kerri away automatically and I began to wonder where the hell she was off to at that hour on foot. It caused an alarm to go off inside of me and I quickly grabbed my mothers car keys off the hook in the kitchen once I got back to the house, and proceeded to follow Kerri’s path.
I wound up in a place that I didn’t want to think about, but knew it was inventible for her to be there. That bakery parking lot held so much significance to her, and I knew that. It was where her nightmare started, where her life changed forever, and I couldn’t blame her for revisiting it. Still, I knew that if I didn’t do something she would spend the night there, so I pulled up beside her and got her into the car and back to the neighborhood. She was crying, and I tried to apologize about the flight, but naturally she blew it off. I decided to invite her to the bon fire to lighten her mood a little bit. Justin and Melanie wouldn’t be there, and neither would my girlfriend so I knew the chance of something catastrophic happening was slim.
The night got off to a good start. My sister joined in, and so did my brother, who had always gotten along with Kerri to begin with. Yeah, Rachael was there too, and while she’d never gotten along with Kerri she seemed to be very civil with her then. I didn’t ask questions because I wanted things to stay that way. I just drank my beer and roasted my marshmallows while Kerri sat next to me and did the same thing. We paced ourselves and didn’t get wasted early on in the evening. I don’t think either of us wanted to considering what happened after that Lakers game. It was just a mellow evening, and for the first time in a really long time I was finally able to kick back with the girl and have a good time.
“Tracey!”
I was jolted out of my bliss when I heard my mother calling for me, and the laughter that spouted off at the sound of my family nick name made my face burn with embarrassment. “Yeah, mom!” I got up and had Kerri hold my beer as I made my way over to where my mother stood, the portable phone clutched in her hand. The expression on her face was grim, and I began to think the worst had happened to somebody. “What’s the problem?”
“Frank wants to talk to you.”
I groaned and felt my shoulders sag. Frank owned one of the bars downtown that my father favored among the others. I never understood why he liked it there so much, but it didn’t really matter anyway. The only good thing about it was, Frank was an understanding guy and despite the fact that my father could be a big asshole most of the time, Frank never held it against our family.
“Trace you go get him,” my mother muttered. “Okay?”
“Yeah,” I nodded as I lifted the phone to my ear. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Trace, it’s Frank down here at the bar,” he said once I’d greeted him over the line. “I hate to disturb you your first night back in town, but your daddy’s down here making an awful mockery of himself. Almost got into a fight with a few of these guys. Luckily I had enough security here to get them away from each other. They wanted me to call the police but I didn’t want your family to be put through that right now.”
“It’s no problem, Frank,” I reassured him as professionally as I’d always done in the past. “I’m really sorry. I’ll be down to pick him up.”
I hung up and made my way back to my spot by the fire, sitting down slowly next to Kerri. She looked at me strangely as I took my beer back from her and guzzled the rest of it down.
“What happened?” She whispered.
I sighed heavily and made sure my brother and sister weren’t around so I could tell her. While they were my family, I really didnt want to worry them with my fathers antics that night. I was home and it was my responsibility to clean up after him for the time being. “Dad’s drunk downtown again.” I put my bottle down on the ground and ran my hands through my hair. “So I have to go get him.”
“I’ll go too.”
It had been like that in high school before I’d left to travel with Justin. My dad would be drunk at the bar, and I’d need somebody to help get him back to the house in one piece, so Kerri would always help me out. But I was older now, and I knew I could handle it on my own. “You don’t have to do that, Ker.” I whispered, trying desperately to hold back the anguish in my voice.
“I want to.” She nodded gently.
I made up some dumb excuse that I had to get something from the store for my mom when we left my yard, and I could tell that my brother and sister didn’t buy it. My brother even asked me what dad had done this time, but I just told him to take care of Brittany and make sure everybody had a good time at the fire. He glared at me, he hated when I excluded him from things, but it was something I didn’t need to expose him to. Kerri and I piled into my moms car, and silently drove downtown. It was a weeknight, so thankfully there was parking, and I was able to sit in the car for a few moments once I shut off the engine.
“He always does this,” I said quietly as we sat there together. “He just loves to ruin everything and I’m left to clean up his fuckin’ mess.” I pounded the steering wheel and let out a groan. “It’s bad enough my mom doesn’t like Tarin, but now I have to deal with this shit on top of it.”
Kerri was silent and I knew she didn’t have a good solution to my problems. Really, there was no solution. I just had to grin and bear it, and with that in mind I flung my door open and got out of the car. Kerri got out on her side, and followed me into the bar. The first person I saw was Frank standing off to the side. He nodded at me, and I nodded at him, following the direction he pointed in with my eyes.
Daddy was sprawled out on the floor in the back of the bar, muttering to himself. I didn’t want to ask how much he’d had, but I was sure he’d been drunk way before he made his way downtown that evening. It wasn’t the first time I’d found him like that either. When I was younger, he used to pass out on the floor of the bar at least once a week, only then I wasn’t able to lift him up on my own. Grampy used to come and help me, cursing him out each and every time. It didn’t phase Daddy though. He continued to drink anyway.
“Come on.” I barked at him once I’d reached the back of the bar, and kicked him softly in the side. ‘Get up.”
“Tracey,” he grunted, but his eyes didn’t open. “Go get your momma.”
“Get up Dad.” I bent down and pulled on his arm, but he wouldn’t budge. “Come on, you’re drunk.”
“I said get your momma!” He yelled at me, and sat up, pushing me away from him harshly, and I landed on the floor. “Stupid, good for nothing,” he muttered.
I got to my feet and nearly charged at him. I probably would have beat the living shit out of him if it hadn’t been for Kerri. She held me back and begged me to calm down, so I tore away from her and went to sit at the bar.
“What are you even doing?” I grunted at her as she crouched down beside my father.
“Wait a second,” she said to me calmly. “Hey Juan.” She patted his face with her hand, and I saw his eyes flutter open a little. “Hey, it’s Kerrigan,” she said with a smile.
“Kerr-ee,” he slurred and smiled at her. “What’re you doin’ here?”
“I’m visiting,” she chuckled. “How about we go home, okay?”
“My sons hate me,” he told her next, whimpering. “Did you know that?”
“They don’t,” she told him quietly, and looked back at me over her shoulder. “But they worry when you get like this.”
“I’m fine,” he stated. “Ain’t nothin wrong with me.”
“Okay.” Kerri smiled at him but looked back over at me and sighed. “Trace, you don’t hate your dad do you?”
I gritted my teeth. “What the fuck, Kerrigan?”
“Do you want to get him home or not?” She said to me in a harsh whisper.
I sighed heavily. “Daddy I don’t hate you,” I muttered, even though it was so far from the truth. “I don’t, so let’s go home, all right?”
He seemed to be coming to his senses just a little bit, so I took the opportunity to get off the bar stool and made my way back over to him. Between myself, Kerri, and Frank we got him back to his feet and out to the car. Kerri opened the back door of my mother’s car while Frank and I pushed my father inside of it. We belted him in, and soon enough I was back in the drivers seat with Kerri at my side. I started up the car and looked back at Kerri for a moment. “Thanks,” I said, as I tried to catch my breath.
She shrugged. “He’s always listened to me.”
It was the truth, I had just neglected to remember it. For some reason my father had always seemed to calm down whenever Kerri was around while he was drunk, and it was something I never understood. “Yeah, maybe it’s because you baby him a little bit. I won’t do that.”
“Did you ever think about trying to talk him again?” She asked me, as she looked down at her lap and fumbled with the bottom of her shirt. “I mean, you’re older now and...”
“Hey, I have bigger fuckin’ issues,” I snapped at her, even though I didn’t want to. “He had his chance, and he blew it. I don’t have the patience for him anymore.”
She just nodded. “Fine, Trace.”
I’d pissed her off, and I knew it, but I didn’t feel like addressing the issue, so I just pounded on the gas instead and sped back home. It was another project getting my father out of the car again, but with my brother’s help we managed to do it. We dragged him from the car to his little apartment and tossed him in bed. Kerri was kind enough to cover him up and take his shoes off, and I made my brother get out of there so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore that night even though he protested and told me that after I left, it would be his job to go get dad at the bar again.
I made a promise to myself that I would find a way to get my brother out of the house. He’d been granted a scholarship to Cornell in the fall, but it just wasn’t enough. I realized I was going to have to look into an apartment for him, so as soon as he graduated he could get the hell away from my father. Sure, I knew my mom would probably protest, but it wasn’t Brant’s job to babysit Dad, and it wasn’t fair to him anymore.
I flipped off the light and Kerri and I made our way back to the fire. Nobody asked us questions, and I was assuming my sister had informed everybody of the situation and told them to tread lightly. I was thankful, grabbed another beer and tried to pretend nothing had ever happened.
“Trace,” Kerri spoke up softly after a while.
“Not now,” I whispered, as I finished that beer and started in on another.
“Trace, come on.” Kerri pulled on my arm as I brought the bottle to my lips, and I was forced to look at her. “Please don’t do this.”
“What, do you want me to fucking cry?” I said angrily, but soft enough so nobody else could hear. “I did that this afternoon with Tarin. I don’t need to be fucking hysterical again.”
She sucked in a breath and bit her lip, before leaning her head on my shoulder. She got it, she knew it was what I needed, and first the first time I could only see my best friend. It wasn’t hysterical Kerri. It was like the past, where she was my very best friend and would get me through all the shit I put up with when it came to my father. I put my arm around her and gave her a little bit of a squeeze, deciding that she should be the first one to know about the news I’d gotten at Tarin’s ultrasound. “The doctor told us that it’s twins,” I said softly.
She looked up into my eyes, and I could tell she was shocked. “Are you kidding me?”
I shook my head and drank some more of my beer. “Crazy shit, right?”
“Jesus,” she sighed.
“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ scared, you know? What if I end up like him?” I laughed it off, but I was completely serious.
Kerri knew that too. “You’ll never end up like him,” she told me softly as she shook her head. “You’re not like him.”
And while it should have reassured me, because it was coming from Kerri, I still felt that I wasn’t cut out to be the father of those kids. What if it stressed me out, made me drink more? What if I couldn't handle myself and ended up a stupid ass drunk instead of the father the kids were counting on? It wasn’t like I could talk to Tarin about my fears. I’d only end up scaring her and stressing her out when she couldn’t afford it. I would have to suck it up and hope that I was stronger than I thought.
But things were just getting started, and I had no idea what to expect.
My cellphone rang at quarter to nine this morning, and I jolted awake. I realized I was in my old room inside the house, and I couldn’t remember when I’d gone to bed or if I’d said goodbye to Kerri or not. I remember feeling really out of it after beer number twelve, so perhaps my mom had gotten me to bed with the help of some of other people at the fire.
“Hm,” I grunted once I’d managed to flip the phone open.
“Good morning sunshine.”
r32;I cracked one eye open. “Mel?”
“Yes, silly. Justin says get your hungover self out of bed and meet us at the general store for some grub!”
I groaned and flopped back onto the bed. “I’m a little over done,” I said softly. “I’ll see y’all later.”
I was about to hang up, but then I heard Tarin yelling in the background. “Ayala! I better see your ass at breakfast or else!”
I groaned again, but knew nothing I could say would get Tarin off my back. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I had no idea where my girlfriend had even slept the night before either, and that was enough to motivate me. “Give me a half hour,” I grunted, and clicked the phone off. My head was pounding, I hated my father, and I hated life.
But I had to get out of bed.
I must have stood under the freezing cold water for a good fifteen minutes before I even attempted to wash my smelly body. When I finally managed to get moving though, I started to feel slightly better. After shaving and dressing I made my way downstairs. My sister and Kerri were at the kitchen table, eating the breakfast my mother had probably prepared for them. She was no where to be seen, and I figured she’d probably gone shopping with Lynn for extra supplies, as they tended to do when family was in town. “Hey,” I said groggily before going to the refrigerator and grabbing a beer.
“Hey yourself,” Brittany snorted. “And you really shouldn’t be drinking a beer this early in the morning.”
I just shrugged and popped the cap off before taking a swig. “What happened last night?”
Kerri laughed. “You fell asleep on the lawn. We carried you up to bed and I slept on your couch.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Wow.”
“We don’t blame you,” Brittany chided. “You had a busy night, Tracey.”
I gave her the finger. “I’m goin’ to the general store to have breakfast,” I nodded. “I’ll see y’all later.”
Kerri perked right up and jumped to her feet. “Want company?”
“I um...you ate breakfast,” I tried to smile, but felt so sick that I couldn’t force my mood.
“Yeah but, I mean, I could have a juice or something though, right?”
I shrugged. “Hang out with Britt.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Why?”
I didn’t have an answer I wanted to give her. The truth was I was going to meet up with Justin, his new girlfriend, and Tarin. Telling Kerri that would have been like setting a bomb off, and I wasn’t ready to do it. “I just want to go by myself, that’s why.”
“Oh...okay then.” She frowned and turned back to go sit at the table with my sister.
I felt shitty, but at the same time, I just couldn’t focus on it. I had to be together for my girlfriend, so I went out to the car and drove the ten minutes it took to get the general store. Apparently it was the place to be too, because it took me another ten minutes just to find parking.
“And here he is, ladies and gentlemen! Trace Ayala, master of the universe!” Justin proudly announced it to the entire place the moment I stepped through the doorway, and I made sure to give him the look of death. But all he could seem to do was laugh at me. He knew I was hung over and he was getting a kick out of it.
“Hey baby,” Tarin smiled when I sat down beside her, and kissed me on the lips. “You have a good time at your fire thing?”
I glanced at Justin and Melanie who were grinning widely, and I was sure they had probably been filled in by someone about my “camp out” on the lawn. “Yeah, it was great,” I grunted, as I picked up the menu and looked for the greasiest thing I could find.
“I heard you did the whole camping out thing without a tent,” Justin laughed, and both Tarin and Melanie joined him.
“I was drunk,” I shrugged. “So?”
“Damn what’s up your ass this morning,” Tarin snapped. “I was just about to tell you about all the fun we had last night. I mean, we got to embarrass Justin and everything.”
“Embarrassed Justin?” It was the first time I smiled all morning.
“Well we got Lynn to find this old video of Justin from like....fifteen years ago. And Justin said that he would perform what was on the video for us if we would agree not to watch it.”
“Was it the one with the cowboy hat?” I asked them, laughing now instead of sulking. “If it was, you really should try to watch it.”
“Really? Hmm.” Melanie pressed a finger to her lips and playfully pondered the idea.
“Hey...hey that wasn’t what we agreed on. Don’t give her ideas, Trace.” Justin smiled in her face and snuck a quick kiss on her lips, even though it was probably a bad idea. There were other people eating their breakfasts in the background, and as I looked at them all, I could point out at least six that knew Lynn and Paul personally. But Justin was going to do what he wanted, and who was I to stop him?
I ordered my breakfast, chicken and waffles, and devoured it almost as soon as it was placed in front of me. My three friends continued to chatter about mindless crap that I couldn’t focus on. The night before had been too stressful, and I was too out if it to care. It was only when Tarin turned to me, and asked me a specific question did I bothered to pay attention.
“Who were you with last night?” She whispered while Justin and Melanie were having a conversation between themselves.
“Rachael...people,” I shrugged as I put the last bit of waffle into my mouth. It was the truth and didn’t care that I’d left Kerri out of it. “Where’d you sleep?”
“Lynn’s. Your mom came by early this morning and asked if you and I could come have dinner tonight. I said that it should be fine, but I would ask you first.”
The fact that my mom had actually spoken to my girlfriend shocked me. I wasn’t sure, but if anything, she’d probably done it because of my father and what I’d had to go through the night before. There was also the possibility that Lynn may have talked to her about the situation a little bit as well. I wanted to be stubborn, say that we weren’t going because of the way Tarin was treated, but I knew it wouldn’t make any sense. I had to tell my mom about the pregnancy and tonight was the best time to do it. The rest of the week was so jam packed with parties and things that I knew there wouldn’t be any time. “We’ll go I guess,” I told her. “I’m not thrilled but we have to tell her the news some time.”
Tarin sucked in a breath and looked down at her food. “Yeah.”
I knew she didn’t want to do it either, but there wasn’t a choice. We spent the rest of the morning and some of the afternoon at Lynn’s house, watching TV and hanging out with some of the family. It was carefree as ever, and the best part was, I didn’t have to worry about my father barging in on us. It was a known fact that he’d been banned from Lynn’s house a long time ago, ever since he showed up naked to dinner one night. Tarin and I headed back to my mom’s house around four, and stood on the lawn, trying to get our thoughts together.
“Whatever happens, we’re in this together,” Tarin said, as she gave my hand a squeeze. “Right?”
I leaned down and kissed her. “Yeah, of course, baby.”
Now we’re sitting in my mom’s dining room, eating one of her famous home cooked meals. Kerri isn’t here of course. Brittany told me she went home earlier to see her sister, and that’s good. Its’ good she’s spending some time with her family, because I wouldn’t be able to handle having her here when we tell my mom the news. The strange thing is my father is at the table, eating with us. He never does this, and I don’t know if my mom threatened him or whatever, but I can’t complain because he’s being civil and keeping to himself.r32;
I hope it lasts.
“So Tarin, what is it you do back in Los Angeles?” My mother pushes the mashed potatoes around her plate with her fork as she asks the question, looking at Tarin with wide, inquisitive eyes. “Trace says you get paid well. I hope its a legitimate career.”
Brant eyes me from across the table, as if to say: ‘yep, mom has officially embarrassed the hell out of you.’
“I um...” Tarin takes a moment to take a sip of her water, before eyeing me quickly. She’s nervous as hell and I can’t say that I blame her. “I work for a radio station.”
“Oh, how nice.” She flashes a small smile. “Do I know that one, Trace?”
I nod. “Yeah mom, Justin’s been there a few times.”
“I’ve been working there since I was in high school,” Tarin continues. “I co-host their morning show now, but when I get back from the leave I might get my own time slot.”
Shit.
She looks at me and she knows she’s blown it. It was too soon and we were supposed to tell my mom subtly, not like this.
My mother tilts her head to the side. “Leave? Are you going some place?”
My sister gets up and leaves the room. My brother sits there with an amused smirk on his face, and my father opens up another bottle of beer, oblivious to everything around him.
“Nah, she’s not mom. How about we finish dinner and we go to....”
“Trace just stop it,” Tarin snaps. “She has to know.”
“Know what?”
I’m silent and I don’t meet the gaze of the woman seated at the opposite end of the table. I know if I do I’m going to have to tell her what I’ve been trying to put off as long as possible.
“Trace, you tell me right now.”
I hear her slap a hand down on the table, and I know that’s it. She’s pissed now and there’s no going back. “We just, well...” I trail off for a moment and look to Tarin for guidance, but she won’t look at me. Her head is propped up on her fist and she’s staring down at the food that she’s barely touched. I know I’m on my own, and that’s pretty fucked up considering the conversation I had with Tarin beforehand included the phrase ‘we’re in this together,’ but I guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different in a situation as awkward as this has become.
“You just what,Trace,” my mother says through her teeth.
“She’s pregnant,” I say softly, forcing myself to look my mother in the eyes as I say it to her. “Tarin is pregnant, mom. The doctor told us that it’s twins, and we’ve decided to keep them and raise them together.” Seconds later I feel Tarin grab my hand and I look at her. She’s smiling at me now, and I know she’s impressed that I went there...that I got over the fear of my mother hollering at me and took a stand for what I know is important in my life.
My mother doesn’t say a word. She just picks up her fork again, and starts to dig into her potatoes some more. Brant sits there, staring at me like I’m fucking nuts and I know I’m going to have to do a lot of explaining to him later on, considering that before this trip I hadn’t even mentioned how serious my relationship with my girlfriend was. Really, Brittany was the only one who knew, and I’m in shock that she kept the pregnancy a secret for all this time. I’ll have to remember to thank her later, yeah. But right now, I’m trying to figure out what the hell is running through my mothers head.
My father belches loudly.
“Fucking...Jesus christ, get the hell out of here, Juan!” She hollers at my father, who chuckles a little and winks at us before picking up his plate of food and bottle of beer and goes back to his place in the garage.
I can hear Tarin trying to stifle her laughter, and I can’t blame her for finding the humor in what just took place because she hasn’t had to deal with my father her entire life. “Mom?”
She finally looks at me. “Well what do you want me to say, Trace?”
I just shrug. “I don’t really know.”
“For all these months I’ve been trying to find out what you’ve been up to, and well I guess I know now don’t I?” She lets out a bitter laugh and shakes her head at Tarin. “Do you realize what you’re getting yourselves into?”
“It’s not like I’m broke, ma.”
“That’s not the point, is it Trace? The fact of the matter is, you’re not ready to handle the responsibility of a family. You can’t even hold yourself together for more than a month at a time before I hear about some sort of breakdown you’ve had. How are you going to focus your attention on a child? Christ almighty, twins for that matter?”
“He does fine, and he’s going to be a good father,” Tarin defends me, with a serious expression on her face. “We’re in love.”
My mother throws her hands up in the air. “Well praise the fucking lord! Good thing you decided to fall in love, because otherwise I don’t know how you’d be able to live with yourself, carrying my son’s children inside of you. I’m sure all that money he’s made had nothing at all to do with the decision you made not to use the pill!”
I stand up, crossing my arms defiantly across my chest. “Don’t talk to her that way.”
“She’s cheap and not worth this,” my mother tosses out, as if Tarin isn’t even in the room. “Honestly, I can’t believe that you were this irresponsible.” She shakes her head again and rubs her temples in a circular motion, her meaningless wedding band glinting beautifully under the lamp light. “You haven’t even been out of your previous engagement a year and you’ve gotten this girl pregnant, Trace? Where is your head?”
Tarin tries really hard, but I guess she just can’t bear the things my mother is coming up with right now, because she starts to sob right there at the table. Brant gets up and leaves the room after that, leaving the three of us to battle it out. But the thing about that is, I’m not going to stoop to her level...be immature and list all the reasons why I’ve been avoiding her like the plague for months. I grasp Tarin’s hand tightly in mine, and help her to her feet.
“What are you doing?” my mother barks. “Don’t you walk away from me now!”
But I don’t listen. I pull my girlfriend by the hand and soon, we’re out of the house and standing on the front lawn. Tarin is still sobbing, and I wish like hell that I could think of something good to say so that she would feel better. But the truth is, there is nothing I can say. My mother said horrible things just now. Things that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over. “Babe.” I wrap my arms around her and she cries into me.
“Why does she hate me?” She manages to sob out after a few moments. “Trace, why?”
I rub her back, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill out of my eyes. “She doesn’t hate you, Tar. She’s just confused, and has a really fucked up way of handling it.”
“I don’t want that woman near our kids.”
I continue to hold her as she cries and I look up at the sky, taking a long breath inward. Honestly, I don’t know what to do now. I feel more alone than ever and the really sad thing is, we haven’t even told her parents yet. As strict as she says they are, I know the news isn’t going to go over well with them. They seem to like me, but they’re not exactly calling Tarin up ten times a day asking her when they can start helping us with the wedding. I’m just another guy in Tarin’s life to them, and they’re okay with that but they're not going to handle the news of a baby well at all, let alone twins. I suddenly wish very, very badly that Lynn was my mother...because I know she wouldn’t have flipped out like my mother just did. Sure. she would have been shocked and everything, maybe a little bit upset but she would have dealt with it. But sadly, my mother isn’t Lynn. My mother is the woman sitting inside that house that just made my girlfriend...the woman I love, hysterical.
I want to go back to Los Angeles. I want to just go back and buy me, Tarin and the twins a really nice house out in Santa Monica, or someplace else that’s really peaceful, and melt away into oblivion. But that would be running and hiding away from my issues, and I know that I can’t. I have to be strong, be a man, and try to make things work with the family despite their opinions. Hell, I know I don’t want to be estranged from my mom, Brittany and Brant. Despite how dysfunctional we can be, I know I still love them. But my mom is going to have to seriously think about the things she said and apologize before I’ll even begin to consider letting her be a part of this new family Tarin and I have created.
“Hey.” I pull back from her and place a hand on each of her shoulders. “Baby, please don’t cry. I’m here, and that’s all you have to worry about. Don’t worry about what she says. If...if she wants to be that way she doesn’t have to be a part of this. The only people that matter to me right now are you and the babies.” I reach up and run a hand down her face, and lean in, grabbing her lips with mine. “I love you.”
She presses her forehead to mine and sniffles a little. “My father is going to kill us.”
I chuckle softly. “At least you don’t have to face him alone. Hell, you were pretty sexy back there too, all defending me and shit. It kind of makes me want to...you know...”
It gets her to smile and she pulls back from me, gently punching me in the side of my arm. “You’re such a horny bastard.”
I pull her to me again and kiss her passionately. I hope like hell my mother sees. The more pissed off she is, the happier I’ll be because I have officially disowned the woman for the time being. Lynn will suffice. She’s a much better listener than my mother ever was anyway. “You want to get the next flight home?” I ask, cupping her chin in my hand.
She stares back at me. “No. We’re here, and I know you want to catch up with some of your friends. Besides, I was looking forward to meeting these people you’ve been going on and on about, and Mel would never forgive me if I left her alone to suffer.”
I nod, appreciating the fact that she’s not just thinking of herself right now. “Then I’ll ask Lynn if she can set up a place for you at her house. If anything, I’ll just stay here and keep my mother quiet until we go home.”
“That’s torture,” she groans. “I can’t sleep without you.”
“I’ll sneak in bed with you at night,” I say with a small smile. “I’m good at that whole slipping in thing, you know?”
She gets the joke, but I don’t think she’s in the mood the laugh anymore. She just leans her head into my chest, and I hold her for a while, before finally persuading her to come across the street with me to Lynn’s. Justin answers the door, strangely enough, and looks at the both of us with concern in his eyes. “What happened?”
“My mom.”
“Oh, right.”
He steps aside and allows us into the house. Lynn, Paul and Melanie are sitting on the couch in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune and I feel like an asshole for ruining the evening. “Hey.”r32;
Lynn takes one look at us and immediately flicks off the TV. “What’s the matter? Why is she crying?”
I help Tarin across the room to the love seat and we both sit down on it together. She’s still sobbing into my shoulder, and before I can even begin to explain myself to Lynn and Paul, I meet Melanie’s gaze. It’s a knowing one, and I’m sure she feels bad for her friend. “Look, Tarin...Tarin got pregnant,” I explain as Lynn sits back down on the sofa. “It just happened, and my mom isn’t taking it well, that’s all. I was hoping Tarin could just stay here for the rest of the week so I can sort things out with my mom.”
“Yeah, of course,” Justin immediately says, not giving his parents the chance to respond. “Mel...could you take her upstairs?”
“Oh, yeah.” Melanie jumps to her feet and comes over to us so she can take Tarin by the hand.
“Go with Mel.” I kiss Tarin’s cheek. “I’ll be up in a little bit, okay?”
“O-okay,” Tarin sniffles, and takes Melanie’s outstretched hand.
“Pregnant, Trace?” Lynn says to me as soon as Tarin is out of sight. “Really?”
“Mom, come on,” Justin defends when all I can seem to do is stare at her. “Would you rather them abort it?”
“Your mother didn’t say that,” Paul chimes in. “It’s just a little sudden. Trace, are you ready for this?”
Ever since he married Lynn, Paul has been more of a father to me than anybody else, and now I feel like I’ve let him down. “I don’t really know, but I can’t turn back.” I say, looking at the floor. “My mom can’t see that.”
“I’ll talk to Belinda,” Lynn speaks up after several moments.
I immediately look up at her. “You will?”
“I’m not saying I like this situation any better than she does,” Lynn informs me. “But, she needs somebody that can see both sides of the situation. In the meantime, Tarin can stay here, that’s fine. I like her, Trace. I do...but all of this is very hasty and sudden.”
I nod. “I understand. Thanks, Lynn.”
She stands up so I can give her a hug, and I hold onto her a little longer than I usually do. I don’t know if she’s figured it out, but I’m so grateful for her. If I didn’t have her right now, I really don’t know where Tarin and I would be. Probably on the next flight home, which is something I don’t want to do right now.
“Come on.” Justin motions for me to follow him outside a moment later, and I’m thankful. Thankful to just be able to sit and talk to him like always.
“Here.” He produces something out of his pocket once we’ve sat down together on the front steps, which I know is a joint right away. “Got a light?”
I smirk a little. “Wow, at your moms and everything?”
“You know she doesn’t give a damn,” Justin snickers. “Now come on, light it up.”
I pull out my lighter, and he allows me to have the first hit. After a few moments, I forget why I was upset in the first place. I just melt away, and so does he. It’s like our problems don’t even matter right now, and that’s what I need. I just need them to vanish for a little while.
I’ll just go back to them later, once all the pot is gone. Even then, I’ll still have Justin. And he’ll understand, and he’ll get it, and I’ll be able to get advice from him. My best friend, the one who I can rely on.
I’m so glad to have him back.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
