Spending time with a bunch of southern folks was never something I ever thought I would experience in my lifetime. Actually, until the rape happened, I always thought I would spend the rest of my life in Michigan. Hell, maybe I should thank that son of a bitch.
After all, he brought me to Justin in a way.
It makes me shudder to think of it like that.
It’s so different here. So homey, so friendly, and that’s so foreign to me. Everybody knows everyone. I mean everyone. I don’t think I’ve seen so many people happier to see one another in my entire life. People that live down the block greet you like you’re an old friend. I could see myself moving here and never ever wanting to leave, just because I feel safe.
Even though, Justin will probably never feel a hundred percent safe here again.
All the women love to ask me questions. Justin’s Aunt’s especially. They’d just love for me to tell them that it’s my secret ambition to get Justin to buy me a ring in a years time. It’s strange. They’re all ready to marry him off like he’s some kind of prize. It’s like, they look down on him for not having settled down yet. I pointed that out to Tarin and Rachael one day. Rachael just laughed and told me “that’s the way it is around here.” Apparently Justin and Trace are the only two men that haven’t settled down out of this entire group of people and that’s frowned upon. But I mean, I know how Tarin and Trace are. They’ll probably at least be engaged by the time the babies are born. Even though, I’m not entirely sure how all the people around here are taking Tarin’s little...condition.
I’ve tried not to get too involved in that. Handling Justin’s family is enough stress on me as it is.
It’s been hard shaking so many hands, smiling at so many people, and deliberately lying to them all as if I was just some girl that’s been working for Lynn all this time. I can tell none of them are buying into that. Justin’s too obvious around me. The way he smiles at me, how he finds a way to touch me or hold me even when I tell him it’s not the best time. It’s like...he doesn’t care what they think, although, nobody seems to mind the idea that we might be together. They all love me, as arrogant as that sounds. I can’t help but think that way though. It’s true. When we’re around the family, I can’t get a moment to myself before I’m dragged away to meet Aunt or Cousin something or other. That gets me thinking too... I mean, if I’m this much of a commotion here, what’s going to happen when we go back home and people start finding out who I am?
I think the whole thing has been putting a little bit too much strain on me, which might explain why I snapped at Justin the other day.
Okay, so, I probably should have known better than to assume I wouldn’t be attending more than two get-togethers down here. There’s just too many people for me to meet, and too many people that Justin wants to catch up with. So far, the only functions I’ve been to with him have been family ones. I have yet to meet all of his childhood friends, and I should have known that I’d be asked to join in yet another festivity. The idea of a party made me so nervous though. I hadn’t been to once since I’d been raped and while the stronger part of me knew it was harmless...that Justin would be around to ward off any idiots that would come near me, the weak, terrified part of me was advising me against setting foot near the place. In turn, I completely overreacted, Justin and I split up for the day rather than spending it together and sight seeing, and I ended up driving his drunk cousin around Memphis while Tarin and I attempted not to get lost in an area we didn’t know about.
Justin laughed at me when he and Trace came to “rescue us” but I wasn’t bitter about it. I was just glad he was there, and I didn’t hesitate to tell him how stupid I felt. He calmed me down, and the look in his eyes told me that he could understand why I’d been nervous.
He just gets me. He doesn’t need to ask questions.
But I still do.
“So where you from darlin?”
I’m guzzling down a beer, so unlike me, but I’ll do anything to get this creep away from me. We’re at the grooms co-ed stag party, and it’s been okay...at least, up until this point. We arrived here with Trace and Tarin and were immediately bombarded by at least fifteen people. Justin held my hand for the first half hour and stuck close by my side, determined not to lose me in the crowd as he promised. I felt a little safer that way, even though I knew my anxiety level was still through the roof. Somehow, I managed a polite, professional demeanor as I was introduced to Justin and Trace’s best friends. They greeted me like I was family, like I was somebody they’d known for years. I was thankful for them, and started to think that this party wasn’t so bad. That I completely overreacted. Somehow though, Justin and I became separated. He was pulled off in one direction, and Rachael pulled me off in another to introduce me to some friends of hers from college. As if I really cared. They were strangers, and I quickly broke away from their group, as they’d been drinking heavily and I didn’t think they’d miss me once I slipped away. I tried to find Justin. Somebody said that he’d gone into the house to look at a video one of the boys had taken. I figured standing here at the keg would be the safest place to wait for my boyfriend.
But I was wrong, and now I just feel like a complete idiot.
“Hey...” He trails off and hiccups a little as he staggers slightly closer to me. This guy stinks of alcohol and I can feel my heart racing faster as he puts his face right in front of mine and smiles. “Cat got yer tongue eh?”
His hand connects with my face, very gently, and caresses the skin on my cheek. I start to tremble, my knees lock up, and I feel the tears burning behind my eyes. “I...”
“I can fix ya up,” he laughs. “You know, sweetie?”
“Boyd!”
He gasps, and I’m so thankful when he stops touching me. I look, and I nearly fall to my knees when I see Trace storming towards us.
“Hey there Trace,” Boyd smiles and raises his beer in the air. “How you been man?”
Trace gently grasps my upper arm and rolls his eyes at Boyd. “What are you tryin to pull?”
“Hey I was just tryin’ to get to know ‘er.” Boyd defends as Trace turns to him and sends him a strong glare. “I ain’t trying to make her uncomfortable.”
“Boyd are you serious?” He laughs lightly. “Your drunk dumb ass couldn’t get a girl like Melanie.”
“Hey I know how to work the magic, Ayala. The ladies love me!”
He calls it out as Trace laughs and leads me away from the drunken idiot. I’m not laughing though. I’m still shaking, trying to calm myself down by taking short, even breaths. It’s almost working, but not quite.
“Hey,” Trace smiles at me as we stop at another table loaded up with beverages, and offers me a chilled water bottle. “You okay, girl?”
I take it from him gratefully, and take a few swallows before nodding my head at him. “Fine.” I look back over my shoulder, back at the other members of the party. I can see Justin now, beer in his hand, laughing and joking around with a bunch of his friends that I met earlier in the evening.
“Hey, look, he’s just a drunken idiot. Harmless, really. There’s a lot of them around here, but he’s the only one that gets invited to things like this. He’s family, you know?”
I nod a little, but I’m not looking at him. I’m still looking back at Justin, thinking about what a great time he’s having here, and how...if I were to go over there right now, I would spoil his entire night. I’m not cut out for this...socialization. The littlest shit sets me off.
I don’t belong here.
“Mel, what’s up with you?” I hear Trace asking me, with a nervous little laugh. “I would think a girl like you would be able to handle a drunken flirt like Boyd. Hell, I thought we’d be laughing it off by this point.”
I realize I’m trembling again, breathing heavily, reliving what just happened...feeling his skin on my skin, smelling the gross smell of alocohol on his breath, and it’s taking me back to a place that I really don’t want to revisit.
“Melanie?”
I’m forced to look at him. For the first time, a look of concern has taken over his expression. He knows there’s something wrong. “I can’t breathe,” I rasp.
The fear in his eyes is obvious now. It’s like...he knows this feeling that I have inside. It’s like, he’s seen it happen before, to somebody else. “Come on.”
He pulls me inside the house quickly, and has me sit down at the kitchen table. Thankfully we’re alone, and it’s only when he sits down across from me, and is completely silent that I allow myself to slouch and put my head in my hands.
“What happened to you?”
He’s asking me gently. So gently, like my entire emotional state depends on it. Hell it does, and he can just...he can just see that. I never, ever, thought I would be in this kind of a situation with him. I need to pull myself together. It’s not his place to comfort me, because he has his own problems. “I’m...I’m fine.” I pull my head out of my hands and force a professional expression for him once again. “I just needed to sit down...it was hot outside.”
He scoffs and narrows his eyes at me. “I’ve seen that look before. I know you’re full of shit, Melanie.”
I have to do everything in my power to hold my tears back. I know that he has a point, that he can see right through me. Why can he? He doesn’t know me this deeply. I’ve never, ever hinted at the fact that I’m emotionally unstable in front of him before. “Drop it, Trace,” I snap.
He grits his teeth, obviously frustrated with me. “You know, you’re acting like Justin did after that guy....”
His eyes get wide, like he’s only now realizing what he let slip out, and he immediately looks down at the table. “After that guy what?” I croak.
He’s silent for several moments as he hangs his head low and shakes his roughly. “Just forget it, okay?”
He pushes himself up from the table, and quickly heads over to the door. I don’t hesitate, and push myself to my feet. “I heard him talking to you on the phone the other morning.”
His hand is on the doorknob as I say the words, and he’s forced to look back at me, a terrified gaze in his eyes. “So what,” he rasps.
I lick my lips, look down at the floor quickly and then back at him. “It wasn’t just the kidnapping was it? Something else...something else happened to him.”
He stares at me for a good long time, the fear in his eyes being replaced by sadness almost automatically. “Yeah,” he whispers. “Something else happened.”
I don’t think. I can’t think. My mind is a garbled mess of a thousand mixed up thoughts regarding Justin. I run to the door. Trace pleads with me to stop, to talk to him. I don’t hear him. I break away, run out of the house, across the yard, the tears streaming down my face as I find Justin in the group of people. He’s so happy. So happy, and everyday he lives with what I’ve lived with for years. He lives with that pain, with those horrible memories of...of a man...doing that to him... He lives with that and does his best to put it all to the side for my sake. And fuck, I give him such a hard time about everything. Nothing he does is ever good enough.
How the fuck could I be so selfish? How the hell could I have expected as much as I have from him?
I might vomit.
“Hey girl.” Justin is laughing with his friends as I latch onto him and bury my face in his chest. “What’s going on?”
I don’t answer him, because I can’t.
“I’ll be back guys,” Justin says, excusing himself from his friends as he leads me away from the group of people. “Mel,” he laughs. “Melanie, what’s the matter?”
I look up at him finally, trying to rub the seemingly endless river of tears from my eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I whimper.
“Sorry?” he smiles and holds my face in his hands. “For what?”
“Justin.”
Trace has come up behind him, and the most I can do is whimper, pull away from him and sob some more.
“What’d you say to her?” This time the tone in Justin’s voice is harsher, and I know he’s about to blame Trace for something that isn’t his fault.
“I didn’t...she just...Justin...she...she figured it out.”
He turns back to me, and I’m staring back at him. His face is pale white, like he’s seen a ghost, and I’m sure he knows exactly what happened. He holds his hand out for me and I don’t hesitate to take it. Then he leads me back to the house, and shuts us up in a bedroom. I stand at one end of the room while he sits down on the bed. We stare at each other for a very long time, and neither of us says anything. Then, something just comes over me I guess because the next thing I know I’ve walked across the room and I’m crying...and kissing him, pushing him down on the bed and kissing him harder than I ever have before. He gives into me a little bit, kisses me just as hard, lets his lips travel down to my neck and my bare shoulder before I feel his hands pressing against me, pushing me away from him.
“Mel,” he rasps when I won’t stop kissing him. “Mel...wait, stop...just stop. What are you doing?”
His pushing becomes harder and it forces me to snap out of it. I fall back a little bit, stare at him, my eyes watery, my throat a little sore from sobbing and kissing him at the same time. “I’m...I’m making out with you,” I whisper.
He nods and lets out a long breath, like he understands completely, but is so fucking overwhelmed at the same time. “We...we need to talk about what happened with Trace out there.”
I just stare at him. I don’t have the words. I think I’m still trying to process it all. He was raped and so was I. It’s the only thing that makes sense right now.
“It’s...it’s true, all of it.” He says, looking down at the mattress, regretfully. “I tried...I tried so hard to make him stop, Mel,” he whimpers.
I shake my head angrily and grasp one of his hands. “It’s not your fault,” I say to him gruffly. “It’s not, and as stupid as that sounds right now, you have to know it’s not. People are....are sick, and demented and things happened to you...bad things..but it’s over now. You’re...you’re here and you’re with me.” I lean in and start to press my lips against his again.
“I need you to stop,” he says automatically as he pushes me away. “I just...I can’t do that with you right now, at this minute.”
“I’m sorry...” I trail off and feel myself blush. “I don’t know how else to tell you that...that I don’t care about it. It doesn't’ change anything between us, Justin. If anything, it makes me understand some things a little bit more.”
He looks at me like I’ve lost it, and the fear in his eyes is more than obvious. “How can it not change us? Every time....every time you kiss me, you’ll know what happened.”
“So now I know. It...it doesn't mean that I don’t....that I don’t...” I snuggle up against him again, and this time, he lets me. He even pulls me closer, and lets me nuzzle my face against his neck. “I still want you. It doesn’t mean that I’m ready right now...but, you have to know that, that I will be soon.”
I’ve never said anything like that to him before, and he knows it too, because it takes him a long time to respond. He studies me, really studies me hard, like he’s trying to make sure what I’m saying to him is really true.
“You...you still think I’m capable of loving you that way?” He asks, his voice full of disbelief.
I nod. “I think you’re capable of learning, and I want to make us learn how to enjoy...it...again, more than anything in the world.” I turn and wrap my arms around him, holding him even closer to me now. “I haven’t wanted somebody in so long....”
We sit like that on the bed for a really long time, just holding each other, studying each other like it’s the first time we’ve ever met. There is a wonder in Justin’s eyes, unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. It’s like he’s seeing me, really seeing me for the first time ever. He smiles and kisses my forehead. “Why me?”
I smile back at him. “Because when I kiss you...” I pause and give him a soft, sensual kiss on the mouth. “I start to believe in fate.”
He starts to cry in my arms, and I let him. I let him break down because I know he needs this. He needs me to be here for him, to understand, to let him know that I love him and I’m not going anywhere. I’m his miracle. I’m convinced now.
And he’s mine.
“I’ve fucked up...I’ve fucked up so much, Mel,” he cries. “I’m so afraid I’ll fuck you up too.”
“You can’t be scared of that anymore,” I whisper, as I gently run a hand through his hair. “I’ve spent the last five years of my life being terrified of everything. I’m...I’m not anymore. You changed me, Justin. You have to believe that this is...” I grab his hand and he looks up into my eyes. “This is something bigger than what’s happened in the past, not matter how horrible the past was.”
“He said he would kill her,” he tells me softly. “He said he would kill her unless I let him...do what he wanted. So I let him. I just...let him, and I thought we would be okay, me and Kerri. We got out we...we came home. I thought I loved her but...but I...hurt her so bad, and I almost couldn’t live with myself for that. Then...then you came, and it was like...I was allowed to start over when I didn’t deserve it. I don’t know why I was allowed to do it, Melanie, and I don’t know why I get to be with you right now either.”
He’s never been this deep about what happened with me before, and I don’t take it for granted. I don’t say anything. I don’t want to ruin the moment. I just nod, look at him like I understand what he’s telling me, because I really do, and this time it’s him who inmates the kiss. It’s more relaxed, he’s comfortable kissing me right now, despite what I know about his past. It’s the first step to a better life for us.
If only I could tell him what happened to me...
“Mel,” he whispers after breaking the kiss.
“Yeah.”
“Why...why did you try to kill yourself?”
He’s looking into my eyes desperately, like he thinks I’ll be able to tell him now. I want to. I want to do it so badly, but the more I try to form the words on my tongue the more my brain forces me not to say them. I feel an alarm going off inside of me, warning me that it’s too risky. That he won’t look at me the same way if he knows. Our problems will be too similar...I’ll freak him out...
So I give up.
“I just...I didn’t think anybody wanted to love me ever again,” I whisper.
“Mel...”
I silence him with another long kiss, and I can feel him give in to me, forget about what he was trying to get out of me. That’s good. I can still hide. And...and I need to. I want him to tell me about his demons, I want to help him through them, to make him better. That way...that way when the time comes, when I finally do tell him about what happened to me, he’ll be more prepared to take it all in.
It’s for his own good that I’m doing this. It is.
We go back to kissing like wild freaks of nature. This time Justin doesn’t push me away. He’s too caught up in the moment. We’re rolling around on the bed and feeling each other up like a couple of love sick teenagers. Christ, I feel like we’re turning into Trace and Tarin, minus the sex. It’s a huge step for us though, being free and willing to do this kind of thing. It’s becoming more routine. I mean, first there was the closet episode and now this. We’re getting more comfortable being with each other this way.
“I KNEW IT!!”
The door bangs open and the light snaps on. Justin and I both gasp at the same time and let go of each other. The first thing I see is Rachael standing in the doorway, a silly smile on her face as she points and laughs at us. Then I realize that, somehow, I’d pulled Justin’s shirt off, and he’d pulled my tank top straps down around my shoulders. This is definitely not the way I wanted to be caught with him by a family member, and I quickly yank my tank top back into place before covering my face with my hands.
“Fuck! Get out!” I hear Justin holler at his cousin.
“Oh man, I’m going to have so much fun telling your mom.”
I turn my head so I can get a clear view of Rachael. She’s sticking her tongue out at Justin and he, in turn, is glaring at her like he wants to kill her.
“Get out!” He yells at her again.
She just cackles and runs out of the room, and Justin runs to the door and slams it shut before locking it. “Mel,” he pants. “I’m...I’m really sorry about her. I’ll talk to her. She won’t say anything to my mom, okay?”
I look down at the mattress, terrified about what just happened. I only just got here, only just met his family and spent real, quality time with Lynn and her husband. I’m definitely not ready for them to know or have Lynn viewing me as somebody other than “Justin’s helper.” “I really don’t think I’m ready for your mom to know about us,” I whimper.
He sets down next to me on the bed again, and lets out a frustrated sigh. “I hate to say this,” he whispers. “But I think my whole family has an idea.”
I groan harshly.
“I’m sure we’ll be the gossip topic at the reception.”
My eyes grow wide. “What if your mom tells me to get out?”
Justin laughs heartily and puts an arm around my shoulders. “My mom wants to marry you. She won’t send you away.”
I feel my cheeks burning, and I know I’ve just become entirely too paranoid. Of course Lynn wouldn’t exile me. She does care about me, despite what I’ve been thinking. “I’m...I”m sorry I got carried away.”
He smiles at me softly and gives me one very soft kiss on the lips. “I’m glad you did.” He laces his fingers through mine, and we sit together quietly for a little longer, both relishing the moment of solitude we’re having right now.
“You ready to go back out there?” He finally asks.
I sigh. “I guess we have to, huh?”
“They’ll send in the searchers if we don’t,” he reassures me.
I agree to rejoin the party with him, and the moment we set foot in the backyard, everybody seems to notice at one time. They start cheering and clapping their hands. I’m sure Rachael said something, and I’m fucking mortified. My cheeks are burning and I can’t look anywhere but at the ground.
“All right, all right.” Justin doesn't let go of my hand as he leads me forward. “We’ll see y’all tomorrow.”
We walk out of that yard, hand in hand. Trace catches up with us before we leave, but Justin only tells him that he’ll talk to him later. Not in a mean way though, and Trace seems to get it, seems to relax, and tells us to have a good night. Justin and I walk the couple of blocks back to Lynn’s house, talking about pointless topics that will get our minds off of what just took place, and I’m thankful.
“Damn, I guess my mom decided to throw her own party,” Justin says, as we walk up to the house.
I can hear roars of laughter coming from inside, and I’m sure everybody who wasn’t attending the party we were just at, is inside the house. I’m in no mood for another crowd, and when I look up at Justin, I can tell he feels the same way.
“You wanna take the tour?” He smirks.
I shrug. “Sounds better than another loud, crowded party.”
He runs in the house and manages to get out a few minutes later with car keys in hand. He ushers me over to Lynn’s car quickly, telling me that ‘they’ll hunt us down’ otherwise. I laugh as he opens my door and runs around to the other side. Within seconds we are peeling out of his neighborhood, and I’m thankful to be completely alone with him again.
He drives us around Shelby and points out all the places he used to hang out as a kid. It’s interesting to see his school, the places he and Trace would dwell during their free time. He smiles as he shows me these places. His face is completely lit up and I know doing this has taken his mind off of what went down tonight, for the moment anyway.
“You feel like having ice cream?” He asks me, carelessly. “There’s this place...Hickorys. They’re the best around.”
“Yeah,” I smile. “I’d like that.”
He turns down another road, that leads to a shopping center. There’s a bakery, a florist, the ice cream parlor, and a few other random shops. It’s dark now, and the only place open is Hickory’s. There are people sitting on the sidewalk outside, and I can see a small line inside the place. “Looks like it’s the place to be if you’re not part of the wedding,” I laugh.
But Justin isn’t laughing.
The car is still running, and he’s staring straight ahead, frozen, as if a great fear has suddenly grabbed hold of him and won’t let go. “Justin...”
He cuts the motor and locks the doors. “I...I can’t...I didn’t realize where we were.”
I take my seatbelt off and turn my whole body towards him. “What’s wrong?” I gaze out and can see more people filing out of the ice cream parlor, smiling as they hold their ice cream cones.
“It’s not safe here,” he says, hardly above a whisper. “Somebody needs to tell all of them what can happen.”
I suddenly realize where we are. It’s the place that...that it happened to him, and I’m sure it’s the first time he’s been back here since he was kidnapped. I suddenly feel very awkward, even a little scared, but at the same time, I know I need to be strong for him, just for tonight. He needs me to be, because nobody else can quite understand. “Justin...” I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’s not going to happen again.”
“I can’t do this,” he whimpers. “Let’s go back.”
I shake my head. “You’re doing this. You have to do it, Justin.”
He stares at me hard, the tears rolling down his face. He’s torn, he doesn’t know what’s safe and what’s not. “A-are you sure it’s okay?” He croaks.
“I’m right here,” I nod. “I’ll make sure.”
It takes him a little while longer, but he finally unlocks the doors and slowly starts to get out of the car. I get out before he can, and run around to the drivers side so I can take his hand. It takes him a moment, but he accepts it and I pull him to his feet. He grasps my hand, clings to it like a child would, and I don’t say anything to him about it. I shut the car door and we walks towards the ice cream parlor, hand in hand. He doesn’t say a word, but I didn’t expect him to. We reach the sidewalk, and a kind gentleman holds the door for me on his way out of Hickory’s. “You ready to try the thirty one flavors?” I laugh as I hold the door for us.
He licks his lips and looks back over his shoulder cautiously, before meeting my gaze again. “I...I made it.”
“Yeah,” I smile. “You did.”
He laughs a little, and sniffles harshly. He’s trying to hold his tears back now, because we’re in public.
“You ready to go in?”
“Yeah,” he smiles at me genuinely. “Yeah. I am.”
Justin doesn’t get any ice cream, but I know why he’s lost his appetite, so I don’t protest when only he gets me a sundae and a pint of ice cream for his mom. It’s seriously the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted and I make sure to make this known to him while we sit on the sidewalk together as I devour it.
‘Seriously, you don’t know what you’re missing.”
“I think I’d puke if I had any of that right now,” he reassures me with a soft smile. “But I’m glad you like it. This place is an old favorite of my family’s.”
He seems satisfied just watching me devour the thing, but I’m happy to report that I manage to get him to eat a couple of spoonfuls before I finish. When Justin doesn’t throw up, I know I must have been doing something to calm his nerves too, and it makes the ride back to Lynn’s that much more carefree.
“Thanks for the date, lover boy,” I snicker as we pull into the driveway.
He leans over and kisses me after he cuts the engine off. “It was my pleasure, Miss Melanie.”
It seems that the party has ended, because there is no large crowd of people when we walk into Lynn’s living room. It’s only Lynn sitting on the sofa, curled up watching the television, and she smiles brightly when she sees us standing there. “Well hey you two! How was the so called stag?”
Justin and I exchange glances.
“Well you know, it was just a party,” Justin forces a positive smile for her, before presenting her with the bag that contains her pint of ice cream. “We left early and I showed Melanie around town.”
“Seriously, Lynn, Hickory’s has the best ice cream ever.”
She nearly drops the bag that Justin handed her. “You went there?”
Obviously, she wasn’t expecting that bit of news either.
Justin shrugs. “Well...yeah...”r32;r32;“Oh, Justin.” Lynn drops the bag down onto the empty spot of couch beside her, and gets up to wrap her arms around her son. “I’m so proud of you.”
They hug for a very long time, and I can hear Lynn start to sob after a while. It’s becoming too emotional for me. I know how huge of a step it was for Justin to be back at the place that it happened, to tackle it. It makes me feel amazing to know that I helped him conquer that hurdle. I know it’s one of the last things he had to deal with. He’s so close...so close to living his life normally again.
I leave them to bond and head upstairs. I shower and change into my nightclothes before getting in bed. I’m nearly asleep when I hear the door gently squeaking open, and I sit straight up, gasping in slight fear.
“Hey, you asleep?”
I reach over and flick the light on. “Almost,” I say, with a nervous laugh.
Justin smiles softly and closes the door behind him. “I just...wanted to thank you. Thank you for...understanding and...helping me.”
“It wasn’t all me. You did that...you got out of that car and went into that store. I’m proud of you.”
He nods a little and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I don’t think I could have done that...at Hickory’s, without you there. I feel like...that part of my life is closing now, you know? I...I feel like I can focus on the future now more than ever, and I just...I love you so much for that, for everything.”
He walks across the room and leans down to kiss me on the mouth. “Come into my room tonight,” he whispers.
“What...” I laugh nervously. “No...I’ll just sleep here tonight.”
“It’s not about...that,” he tells me. “I just want to wake up with you next to me.”
I roll my eyes. “And then your mother will kill us.”
“Come on.” He tugs on my sleeve. “She expects this.”
“Oh really?” I snort out a laugh.
“Mel, it’s not the first time I’ve had a girl in my bed at home,” he smirks.
I glare at him.
“Hey, I don’t bite. I play nice. You saw that earlier.”
I swat at him playfully. “Look, I know we had kind of a crazy day, but what happened at the party is the limit of what I’m willing to do with you at this point.”
“Mel.” He narrows his eyes at me. “I dont’ expect anything from you.”
“I just...” I shake my head. “I just know in the morning, your mom is going to be knocking on your door, trying to get you out of bed, and I’ll be in here...and if she opens the door...it’s making me sick just thinking about her reaction.”
A playful smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Well, she wouldn’t come looking for me in here.”
“Justin...Rachael has been sleeping in here with me.”
He gets up and walks across the room, gently pushing in the lock on the door when he reaches it. “Not tonight,” he laughs.
“Justin!” I say, feeling my eyes widen as he stands there smiling at me.
“Are you not comfortable?” He asks, his smile fading when I don’t answer him.
“It’s not that... I just....”
He crosses back over to the bed and sits down next to me. “All I want to do is hold you and fall asleep.”
I lick my lips and stare at him hard, trying to determine whether or not the situation will get out of hand. The more I stare at him though, the more I can tell that...that he’s not ready to do anything like that with me either.
He’s just as terrified of having sex again as I am.
It’s a comforting thought and I manage to smile. “I think we can work something out.”
“You sure?” He smiles and kisses me gently on the mouth.
“I’m sure,” I whisper.
He pulls his shirt off, and I pull the comforter down so we can both get comfortable. He lays down first and I follow suit. His arms seem to latch onto me the moment my body hits the mattress, and I snuggle into him as he gently kisses my neck.
“Night, Mel,” he whispers. “I love you.”
I smile a little as I reach out to flick the light off. “I love you too,” I whisper, when we are surrounded by darkness. I lay awake in his arms for a while, listening to him breath. It’s normal at first, but after awhile it gets heavier and even. I know he’s fallen asleep, and he’s probably the happiest he’s ever been since we met.
I feel like I accomplished something. I accomplished something that I thought would be impossible that first day we met.
But what is it going to be like when I’m able to tell him that I was raped too? I just...don’t have the answer.
I think that scares me most of all.
Incomplete
ialwayzbesingin is the author of 25 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 24 members. Members who liked Scars also liked 568 other stories.
This story is part of the series, Through The Darkness. The previous story in the series is All That Remains.
This story is a favorite of 24 members. Members who liked Scars also liked 568 other stories.
This story is part of the series, Through The Darkness. The previous story in the series is All That Remains.
Story Tags: justinandtrace
