We sat on the floor, wrapped in each others arms for another hour before Adam woke up again. Then we were able to get him upstairs to bed, leaving a bucket beside it for good measure, and a ton of bottled water. I knew he’d be okay. I’ve seen worse, and figured he would be able handle himself if he got sick again. Ellie seemed to agree, because she didn’t protest when I took her down the hallway to my guest bedroom and shut us up inside, propping a chair underneath the doorknob so ‘the vultures’ wouldn’t be able to sneak in when the morning came.
Normally, I would have stripped her out of her clothes right there, and had my way with her in bed. I didn’t though. I just…I just felt like cuddling with her instead as stupid as that sounds. Ellie is different. She’s not like the other women I’ve dated, and while I’m pretty sure she’s had sexual encounters before, something inside told me that she’s better than a fling. That she needs to be taken in slowly, and cherished. When I was kissing her at the rave, I felt that way about her, and if I hadn’t been drunk, I would have made myself stop my advances. Thank God for Adam. I wouldn’t have wanted to have sex with Ellie in the middle of a drunken rave.
This isn’t me.
It’s never been.
Or maybe I just haven’t been able to be myself, ever, and this is the result. I’m finding myself in a lost Christmas vacation, all because I’m failing my English class and Ellie was desperate for her family accept her.
Is it fate? I can’t say. I’m not a big believer in all that stuff. I think you have to make your own destiny, and your own way in this world. But man, it’s been a weird couple of days.
“Morning.”
I take my gaze off the ceiling and look at her, smiling when I see her smiling back at me. She’s pretty in the morning, sleepy in the sexy sort of way that I like in a woman. Her hair is frizzy and unkempt but that’s okay. I’m growing to like the way she sort of doesn’t care about what people think. She doesn’t have to layer on makeup or spend hours doing her hair to impress me. I just…like her for who she is. “Merry Christmas eve.”
She curls up closer to me and rests her head against my chest. “Don’t remind me.”
“It won’t be so bad.” I rub her back consolingly. “At least we’ve got each other, right?”
She smiles slightly and laughs. I like her laugh. It’s different to hear it, to see her smiling. I like this version of Ellie. A lot. “Oddly enough, yes.”
I kiss her gently. “Hungry?”
“Yeah, but I think we should make sure my brother is alive before we do anything else.”
“Right. Almost forgot about the fashionista in the other room.”
“Justin.”
“Yeah?” I catch myself in another goofy grin, but don’t try to hide it.
“Were you serious last night, when you said you…you’re in love with me?”
I was. It’s fucking crazy. I don’t fall in love. I don’t get involved in relationships because they pose too much of a distraction, but it’s different with her. I don’t…I don’t want to be without her. She relaxes me. I don’t think she realizes how important that is, especially with everything coming up with me career wise. I know she’ll be there for me, regardless if the scouts like me or not, and she’ll make it easier for me to face my father when that time comes. It’s why I want to bring her home to meet him. I want to show him I can handle having a girlfriend and my career at the same time. He doesn’t think I can. He’s always told me to leave relationships to the side until I’m established. I have no idea what he’ll say when I walk in the door with a girlfriend, but I’m willing to risk it.
I can’t lose Ellie, being with her is the one thing that makes sense in my life right now, even though its the most illogical thing.
“I’m still serious,” I tell her.
Her cheeks turn a light shade of pink.
“What do you think now that you’re completely sober, El?” I smirk. “Freaked out? Ready to toss me to the vultures?”
“You’d have do something really awful off for me to put you at Max and Jules’ mercy,” she laughs. “I think…last night, I realized that I feel the same way. It’s crazy, and I’m scared shitless, but…I don’t want things to change. Not right now. I want to see where this goes.”
“Then lets start the day.” I grin again, and sweep her up in another kiss. She pulls me down to her when I crawl on top, and grabs my lips hungrily. My shirt is pulled up my torso after a few moments, and it’s completely off when the knocking comes.
“Eleanor! Dear, are you in there?”
We both freeze.
r32;“Jeanine,” Ellie groans. “Christ.”
“Are we about to experience the dark side of your step mother,” I smile.
“No, please, she’d be happy to learn that I have an interest in the male species. I’m positive she and my father have thought I was a lesbian for all these years.”
“Were you?”
She whacks me in the chest as I laugh heartily.
“Jerk.”
I kiss her again before she can get up from the bed, and pull her back to my bare chest. “Come on, don’t make noise and she’ll leave.”
“Justin…I have to answer that. Put your shirt back on.” She rolls her eyes and playfully pushes me off of her so she can answer the door. I do as she’s asked of me, turning on the television to make the scenario less obvious.
“Good morning kids.” Jeanine Granby smiles when Ellie gets the door open and lets her inside. “Just wanted to see what your plans are like for the morning and afternoon. We usually go down to the shelter and help out for a few hours. I was able to get about six trucks of food donated this year. Isn’t that great?”
It’s only nine am and she’s already dressed to go walk a red carpet. She really is beautiful in person. I’ve seen a couple of her movies, but never really thought about her much. Max has her eyes but Jules inherited all of her mothers looks. She seems nice. A lot nicer than the way Ellie has made her out to be, and a hell of a lot nicer than her kids are. I won’t ask questions of course. It’s not my place, not yet. “The shelter?”
“The Los Angles Mission,” she smiles. “The services provided are part of my charity, the Jeanine Granby Food Project. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”
I see Ellie rolling her eyes. “No, ma’am. Sorry.”
“Well, maybe you two could come help pass out some meals in a couple of hours?” She says it like we better do it. “It would mean a lot to the people that have to rely on that place for their Christmas holiday.”
“Of course.” I give her my most professional smile. “El and I will be there after breakfast.”
“Wonderful. It’s such a pleasure having a nice young man like you here for Christmas. Once you get to the mission, partner with Max and Juliet. They’re running the operational aspect of the charity this year,” she smiles at me and her eyes dart quickly to Ellie. “Take my advice, Eleanor, don’t let this one go if you know what’s good for you. I’ll see you both in a bit.”
Jeanine walks away without looking back and closes the door behind her. Ellie just stands there, absolutely fuming.
“Come on,” I laugh. “What’s the big deal? I’ve volunteered at soup kitchens a few times when I was in high school. Thanksgiving dinner mostly. It won’t be so bad…hell, it might be fun doing it together.”
“That’s not the point,” she mutters.
“What’s your deal with her, El? She seems really nice. I mean, her kids are another story but besides that…”
“Don’t you get it? It’s not about the homeless! It’s about her! About showing me what a wonderful person she is!”
I give her an odd look. “I don’t get you. It’s charity work. Everyone in the business does it. Eventually, I’ll end up doing it too.”
“You see the person she wants you to see. It’s not your fault.”
I sigh. There’s more to this. A lot more than I don’t understand yet, because I haven’t dove that deep into her and, I haven’t known her long enough, despite my feelings for her. It’s not time to get into it with her yet, even though I’d like to. It’s Christmas Eve though, and I’d like it to be a good one with her if possible. “How about…” I get up from the bed and walk up behind her, so I can place my hands on her shoulders and kiss her neck gently. “We just make the best of it, El?”
“But Jules and Max,” she whimpers. “Justin…I already know…”
“Fuck ‘em,” I say, sternly. “You’re with me, and I’m not letting them mess around with you. That’s ending today.”
She glances back at me, and it kills me to see the tears streaming down her face. “I just…I just know she came in here like that to spite me. To throw everything in my face.”
“I think she just wants to help you make amends and be a part of the family.”
She sighs. “I really don’t want to do this.”
“Oh and I do?” I smile. “Come on, lets just get it done. If anything, it’ll make the party tonight less awkward.”
She groans. “I’ll go see if Adam is coherent.” She pulls away from me miserably and I give her another quick kiss before she can leave. When she pulls the door closed behind her, I start to gather clothing together to get ready for the day. Then my phone begins to ring from its place on the nightstand. When I walk over and read the ID, I see it’s my father, and I pause for several moments. I know I was prepared to walk in his door with El at my side, but I wasn’t really prepared to talk to him today. He’s been off in Europe with Tamara, and I figured he’d be too busy.
“Hey daddy.” I force a smile when I answer, so he won’t question me.
“Oh Justin! Sweetheart! Hi! Your dad wanted me to call you…he’s in the shower right now!”
Tamara. I cringe slightly. “Oh…hi Tamara.”
“Yes, sweetheart! Guess what?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. I swear to god if she calls me sweetheart one more time…
“Your daddy proposed to me this morning!” She squeals like the teenager she still is. “I can’t believe it! I can’t wait to show you the ring sweetie!”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. “Are you serious?”
“Yes! Listen, we’re going to stay in Paris a little while longer but we’ll be home in time to ring in the new year! You’re still coming home for New Years right? Your dad said you were.”
“Um…”
“Oh wait!” She cackles and I can hear her muffled voice in the background a moment later, laughing and carrying on and saying ‘Ryan stop it!’
“Justin?”
This time it’s my dad. I look up and catch my reflection in the mirror. My face has turned a frightening shade of white. “Hi…um…hi daddy.”
“How are you? How’s everything at school? I heard your game on the radio last week…great game, but what you should have done in that third quarter is stuck to your defense. I know you made a few fantastic shots but you know son, you can’t let your guard down or you’ll give up the whole game.”
“Oh yeah…yeah I know.” I sit down on the bed and think about the next thing I say carefully. “Gotta watch that.”
“Tamara told you the news?” He says, softer this time.
I’m so angry at him. Angry at him because he’s marrying someone that, to put it bluntly, is the same age as my kid sister would have been if I ended up with one. How can he marry that…that tramp? “She told me.” My tone is unforgiving.
“Justin, I love her. I love her very much, and she’s going to be a part of our family. I just wanted you to know now, before you come home to see us.”
“Dad, she’s nineteen.”
“The age of the person I choose to be with isn’t really your concern, now is it son?”
“It shouldn’t be.” I let out a very long breath. “I’m just trying to understand it I guess.”
“It’ll be just fine. Now, have you been practicing? How’s your workout going? Have you been going everyday?”
“Yeah…listen I…”
“How long? Are you doing the full three hours like we talked about? Miami is coming to scout the first week you’re back on the court you know.”
“Dad…”
“I think you should call Greg Schaller after the holidays too. I think he’s the most promising agent…”
“Dad!” I yell it at him. I never do that, but I’m really ticked off at the moment. He never listens to me.
“What’s the problem?” He says stupidly. “Have you lost your focus again?”
I let out a disgusted laugh and shake my head. “Enjoy the rest of your vacation, daddy.”
“You just hold on a minute, Justin. Don’t forget who’s running the show.”
I grit my teeth and try hard to hang up on him. I should. I should walk away and never look back, let him keep all the money I’ve made so far and try to do this basketball thing on my own.
But I know I wouldn’t get far. He’s negotiated all of my contracts and gotten all these scouts to take an interest. I know he could just as easily take it all away.
Where would I be without basketball? Walmart? Target? Burger King? Most likely, because I don’t know anything else besides how to play that damn game.
I secretly loathe it.
I’ve never admitted that to anyone, not even myself, until now. Basketball isn’t my life. Basketball controls my life and it always will.
I’m trapped, and I can’t lose my focus. I’m too scared to see what would happen if I did.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, like a little coward. “I’m sorry, dad.”
“Mm.” He grunts. “So we’ll see you for New Years?”
“Yeah. I…I have someone I want you to meet, too. I’m bringing her with me.”
He’s completely silent, and I brace myself for what’s coming.
“All you have going on and you have the nerve to bring a distraction into the picture?”
“Dad…”
“We discussed this, didn’t we?”
“Yes but…”
“No girlfriends. Not right now. Get rid of her.”
I feel horrible gut wrenching pain pierce through me at the mention of telling Ellie to get lost. I’m too deep into her now, and what he doesn’t get is that she’s not a distraction. She…she completes me. She’s going to get me through all of this stuff I have coming up. I know she will. “You don’t understand,” I whisper.
“I haven’t worked all these years and given up a marriage so you can throw it all away now! Why are you trying to ruin everything!”
I won’t cry. I refuse to cry. I’ve done it too many times because of him and I can’t let him do it to me now, on Christmas Eve, when I’ve been happier than I’ve ever been before. “I’m not giving her up, dad,” I say it sternly.
“You think you can do what I do for you on your own, and still be on top of your game? You’ll be booted out of that university in a week, son. I guarantee it. Then where will you be? Not here in this house, I’ll tell you that much.”
“I have money.”
“Which you’ll have to pay back if you reneg on your contract.”
I feel my hands begin to tremble.
Fuck.
Fuck he’s right. I’m nothing without him. I have nowhere to go and no money to support myself if I don’t do as he says.
But I’m in love.
What the hell am I supposed to do?
“You take the rest of the Christmas holiday to think about this. If you come to your senses, I’ll see you New Years Eve.”
“Dad.”
He hangs up.
“Look who’s up with the sun!”
I pick my head up out of my hands. Ellie is standing in the now open doorway with a very hungover Adam at her side. She looks amazing with that smile of hers. Just yesterday she never would have flashed it, but now…now she feels good about herself, and that’s because of me.
I’m just supposed to walk away?
“You okay?” She gives me an uncertain look.
I just nod. “You gonna be able to serve up some grub for the cause?” I fake a smile and direct my question at Adam.
“They can disown me for all I care. I’ll hurl into the soup. You two have fun though. Make sure to give the vultures my best.” He gives me a thumbs up, and then miserably drags himself out of the doorway.
Ellie closes the door and comes back to sit beside me on the bed. “You’re not okay.”
Of course she would be able to tell. She’s not an idiot and she cares about me. That thought alone makes me smile, and I put a hand on her knee, rubbing it gently. “My dad called.”
Her expression becomes even more serious. “He doesn’t get you, right?”
I shake my head. Of course she would be able to guess at that.
“And you told him about us?”
“Yeah.” I sniffle slightly, but don’t let the tears come. “You can guess how that conversation went. He doesn’t want me dating, period.”
“Yeah, but you’re an adult.”
I smile sadly. “I know.”
She leans her head against my shoulder, and holds me close, because she knows I need it. I need her right now, more than she knows.
“I can’t hold you back from your dream, Justin.”
“It’s not my dream,” I whisper. “It’s his.”
She gazes up at me. “So what are you going to do?”
I kiss her gently. “Don’t write the paper.”
“You’ll lose everything.”
“I don’t care anymore.” I squeeze her hand. “My whole life has revolved around a damn game, El. I…hell, I couldn’t even remember the person I was outside of it until I kissed you last night.”
“I know you don’t want to give up the NBA.”
I sigh roughly, and this time, I feel a tear crawl down my face. “I’ve worked hard for it, I know that much. But it’s not the love of my life…this game.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” She strokes the back of my neck. “But it can be something you’re passionate about.”
“My father will take everything away if I show up with you, and if I don’t show up at home, he’ll take it all away anyway.”
“What about your lawyer? He can stop him can’t he?”
“He works for my father first. That’s the way it’s always been.”
She cocks her head to the side and smirks. “Well, I’m willing to bet there will be a dozen sports attorneys at this gala tonight, that will be foaming at the mouth to represent you.”
“I don’t know…”
“Justin you can’t let your father run your life forever. You have to take control of your career. He doesn’t have the right to do this to you, do you realize that?”
I hold her face in my hands, knowing I can tell her anything, and she’ll understand. “He’s the only family I have. I’m…terrified of letting him down.”
“He let you down the minute he started using your talent for his own benefit. Now he wants you to get rid of me, when we’ve only just connected…when you’ve just started to find things out about yourself that you never had the chance to. I don’t want you to walk away from us because of him. It’s not fair.”
She’s right. She’s right about it all, and I wish I had her strength. I wish I could have said something to him last year when UCLA came and offered me the deal. I didn’t want to leave Carolina, my friends, everything I’d ever known. But he put it to me that I didn’t have a choice, only I didn’t have Ellie to stand there and tell him that he didn’t have the right to make my life decisions for me.
But I guess if UCLA hadn’t made me an offer, I wouldn’t have met Ellie.
For the first time, I feel empowered to make my career work without him. I can do it. I have to do it, so Ellie and I can make this thing work.
“Will you just…promise me something, El.”
She kisses me gently, and smiles. “Within reason.”
I laugh. “Don’t go anywhere on me.”
“Justin.” She looks into my eyes intensely. “I’m not going anywhere.”
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