Finally finished! Yay! Merry unChristmas!

********

March

I’m still in love with her.  Crazy, head over heels in love, but I can’t get to her, and the pain is indescribable.  I stopped calling a long time ago.  I left her parents estate in a rush on Christmas Eve, and checked into a hotel downtown, instead of seeking sanctuary at Trace’s.  I couldn’t face him.  He wouldn’t have understood and I had been through enough.  I called Ellie every hour on Christmas Day but I couldn’t get through to her.  Adam eventually answered and asked me to please stop calling.  He said he would let me know as soon as she was ready to talk.

“Ellie has had a really hard time with Max and Jules.  So have I, but they never did anything like this when it came to me,” he said.  “Right now, she just needs to get herself together and move on.  In fact, I wish she hadn’t come home at all this year, but she was trying to do something to get our father to take an interest in her.  I guess…she may have used you, and that was wrong, and I’m sorry she dragged you into it.  I really like you Justin.  I thought you might have been the perfect person for El, but…you have to realize she’s not in any condition to talk or see anybody right now.  It seems extreme, but she’s traumatized and it’s Christmas.  I just need to spend this time alone with my sister and get her through what happened the best way I can.  I hope you won’t hold it against me.”

“No I…I wouldn’t have a reason to hold it against you.”

“Thanks.  I’m glad that I was able to meet you.”

“Can you do me a favor, Adam?”
r32;He sighed.  “Sure, what is it?”

“When she’s ready, can you just let her know that I love her?”

He was silent for a very long moment.  “Yeah.  I can do that.”

He hung up, and we haven’t had contact since.  A week after that conversation, I received an email from Ellie.  There was no message, just an attachment.

My term paper.

I knew it was the last thing I was going to get from her.  It was closure, at least for her.  For me it was just a painful reminder of what happened with us.  She promised she wouldn’t go anywhere and a day later she cast me away.  I wanted to be angry at her, hate her, but I couldn’t because I cared about her too much.  I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t let me in that night, let me talk to her after we’d already done so much together in those two days.  Jules just ripped all of her dignity and confidence away.  It was her intention, Max’s too.  They’re the real people to blame for this, but they’ll never pay for what they did.

It’s awful.  I can’t even look at women the same way.  I have the occasional fling, but never date anymore, it’s too painful, but it’s better for my game.

Actually, my game is the only thing that’s been going my way lately.

I ended up at my dad’s for New Years.  Since Ellie was out of the picture, I figured it would be easier to do as he said and keep my career on track.  I had no reason to fight for a difference, because the person I wanted to spend my time with was gone.  Tamara was there, flashing the large diamond ring my father had given her in my face, and I did everything I could to avoid her for the few days I was visiting.  My dad sat me down a few times and talked to me about business dealings, and different agents he wanted me to talk to.  It was nothing new.  The majority of my time there was spent on the court at the park, and in the weight room downstairs.  I’d skipped a couple of days because of Ellie and I knew I needed the extra time.  Pumping weights helped get my mind off of her, but I couldn’t suppress those memories for long.

I didn’t say a thing to my father about taking control of my own career.  I let it go, just like Ellie had let me go.  It was easier.  I didn’t have to stress myself out, just let him handle all the paperwork.
r32;Nothing changed.  I handed that term paper into Fitzburg a week after new years and she barely acknowledged me.  Bitch.

I’m so glad I’m out of that University and away from Ellie.

We decided that I should sign early, rather than have me enter into the draft this spring.  Miami and Los Angeles both made me offers at the same time.  Mitch even had me come down for that private audition, despite what happened Christmas Eve.  I think Jeanine may have had something to do with it.  It was barely a blessing though, because all I thought about the entire time, was Ellie.  I was there because of her, and it hurt. 

Maybe that’s why I didn’t sign with them.  Hell, I don’t know.  I try not to think about it.  My father wanted me to play with Miami since the NBA became an option for me, so signing with them seemed to make the most sense.  I signed a four million over four year contract, and after that I’ll be looking into free agency.

He’s happy.

I’m just happy to be away from him.  I have people now. A sports agent that handles my career, trainers, coaches, and doctors that help me stay on top of my game.  I haven’t needed to hire a personal assistant yet, but people tell me that in a year, when my name is more popular, I probably won’t have a choice.  My dad doesn’t have to linger around me anymore.  He’s off living in the lap of luxury with his nineteen year old bride to be.  We don’t talk as much as we used to.  He takes the fifty thousand dollar cut of my salary that I promised him, and that’s about it.

“Naked?”

I lick my lips and roll onto my side. “Yeah.”

“Her sister did it?”

“Stepsister, yeah.”

“Shit dude.  Crazy ass relatives.  You never know with the quiet types.  They can be related to anybody.”

“She wouldn’t talk to me, Trace.  She just…told me to leave.”

“Can you blame her?  The girl must have been mortified.  Anyway, it’s not like you had anything going with her.  You did her a favor, and now it’s done.  You have more important things to focus on.  I mean, shit, you’re in the NBA now.”

It’s the first time I’ve been able to have an actual conversation with him since winter break.  I haven’t been able to tell him that I fell in love with Ellie Plymouth over the span of three days, though.  I guess…I know what he would say to me, and I don’t want to hear it.  Instead I’m telling him what happened when I “pretended to play her boyfriend” and he’s reacting just as I thought he would.

I feel separated from him now.  Separated from everything I ever knew, because my life has changed so much in the matter of a few months.  I’m on my own a lot.  I just bought a house in a quiet suburb of Miami and it’s very nice, but I don’t know anyone here.  Going pro is surreal, you feel like a king for about a month before reality sets in. Then you’re just sort of thrust into this big pit of rookies trying to make an impact on the team, and hope like hell that you get to play more than twice a month.  There’s ten of us.  We’re all judged, ranked, and rated at every practice, and every game.  The coaches are relentless and the players that make eighteen million plus a season could give a shit if you make through your first season or not.  We aren’t even in their league.  Lebron and Wade don’t exchange small talk with me in the locker room.  If I put a foot out of line, I don’t play, and while my ego isn’t as big as some of the other rookies on the team, I’ve been told more than once that I’m not an MVP anymore.  They do it to knock you into place, get you aggressive so you’ll play harder.  I have to admit, I’ve never played so hard.

I’ve never played this well either.

Last week, I played my first big game, had a couple of assists to Wade, one to Lebron, and afterwards, in the locker room, he came up to me and said ‘way to play’.

I tried not to get the warm fuzzies, but it was the first time anyone high ranking had spoken to me like I was on the same team as them.

I think I’ll be okay.  I think I’ll make it, even if I get traded away.

“Just tell me that Jeanine was as hot as I think she is.”

“I guess.”

“Shit man, you had that hot ass woman right in front of you, and I bet you didn’t even give her a second look.  Pathetic”

He’s right.  I was too into Ellie to care.  “I wasn’t really there to hit on her, Trace.”

“Yeah well…I would have.”

I can’t talk about this.  I’ve been doing better lately, focusing on my game more than anything else.  We have a four game stretch in New York City this week, and Coach told me that he’s been thinking about playing me in all of them.  He wants to open me up and see what I’ve got, because trade season is right around the corner, and he’s only going to keep so many rookies.  I’d like to stay with Miami for at least a year if I can.  There’s no locker room drama, and people tend to keep to themselves.  It’s better for me, and so, I can’t afford to dwell on something that was never meant to be.  I’m moving on, completely, and somewhere down the road I’ll meet another woman that can understand me.

Who am I kidding? There’s no one like Ellie.

“Listen, my car will be here in a minute.  I have a photo shoot today for this new endorsement my agent booked.  Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Sure, I guess. If you get around to it.”

I sigh.  I know, I’m probably the worst person in the world to be friends with right now.  I don’t see him, I barely call him.  I don’t know why he continues to try.  “When I get back home I’ll fly you out to Miami.  How about that?”

“Hey, I’m not your dad, I can pay my own way…but sure, I’d like that. It’ll be fun.”

“Great.  I’ll talk to you soon.”

“I still think you should have gone for Jeanine.”

“Goodbye Trace.”  I roll my eyes, but can’t help but laugh when I hang up on him.  I swear, he’s my saving grace right now, even if it can only be by phone. 

I do a final check in the mirror before grabbing my wallet off the dresser and heading out of my hotel room.  My agent got me some endorsement for a new Gatorade type drink called Thunder Water.  If they like me, and I continue to play at the level I am now, they might take me on as their spokesperson.  He said it’ll be a good way to introduce people to my “persona” before I get big.  Really? It’s flavored water.  It’s also a forty thousand dollar check that my dad doesn’t know about, so I haven’t let my true feelings shine through.

The car is right on time, but I wouldn’t have expected less.  The driver greets me quickly and opens my door, and I sink down into the leather interior, letting out a long breath.  I’m tired.  Practice this morning killed me and I’m still sore from all the suicides I ran.  Standing under a bunch of hot lights and being told how to pose for hours on end doesn’t sound like fun, but I signed on and can’t back out now.  I use the time we spend in traffic to my advantage, lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes, nearly dozing off before I feel the car come to a gentle stop.  I know we’re here, and groan heavily as the door is opened for me.

“I’ll be right here when you get out, Mr. Timberlake,” the driver says.

I nod and smile at him, before I open the heavy door and step inside the building.  The woman at the reception desk dials a number on her phone and lets whoever it is know that I’m here.  It literally takes thirty seconds for someone to come down and get me. She’s young, tells me her name is Gloria and that she works for the photo studio. 

“If you need anything at all just wave me over.  Don’t ask the photographer to stop what he’s doing or he’ll have a fit.  He’s a bit of a maniac, so when he tells you to stand or turn a certain way, try to get it right the first time. You’ll see Adam first.  He’s got your wardrobe and makeup set to go, and he’ll take you out to the shoot, and touch you up when you need it. You can talk to him all you want, but I have to warn you, he’s very…passionate, about what he’s doing.  Got all that?”

“I um…yeah, I think so.”

“It’s your first time?” She smirks.

“Well I’m not a model, I’m a ball player.”

“Yeah, that’s what Lebron said too.  It’s all the same thing these days, models, actors, singers, athletes.  They all come here.  I can’t tell the difference anymore, personally.”  The elevator doors ding open and she lets out a sigh of relief.  “Here we are, come.”

I follow her hesitantly.  Suddenly, I’m not exactly sure what I’ve gotten myself into.  I don’t know if I’m cut out for all this modeling.  I knew I’d be doing endorsements but I figured it would be more TV than anything else. 

I’m uncomfortable, and I can’t tell anybody, because there’s too much at stake.  I wish I had someone with me, like Trace, that could get me to crack up laughing over something dumb so I would forget about how sick I feel right now.

But I’m alone.

We walk down several hallways bustling with people, before we reach a door labeled ‘wardrobe.’ Gloria raps on it harshly.  “Adam!  Next appointment is here!”

I can hear music blaring from the inside of the room.  Loud techno club music much like the kind I heard at the rave during my time with Ellie. My stomach twinges, and I try to shake off the feeling.

But when the door opens, I just about lose it.

“Well hello,” Adam Granby flashes me a sly smile.  “You’re the two o’clock?”

He’s changed his appearance slightly.  His trademark eyeliner and piercings are still in place, but his hair isn’t cut into thirty different angles anymore, and there’s only one streak of color mixed in with his natural black…neon blue. He’s in a simple white tee shirt and jeans, with a crazy looking belt and heeled boots that have been covered in rhinestones.  “I’m the two o’clock,” My voice trembles when I speak.

God, what are the odds?

“Come in honey.”  Adam smiles more so for Gloria than me.  “We’ll be fine from here.”

“Hm, yeah.  Hurry up. Claudio is already pissed off and I’m the one he’s been taking it out on.”

“Whatever.”  He yanks me inside, and slams the door in her face.  “That woman needs to tone it down, if you know what I mean.  Have a seat.”  He spins his makeup chair towards me, I guess to make it more inviting.

He hasn’t even acknowledged the fact that it’s me.  “Adam…”

“Listen, I’m on the tightest schedule of my life.” He drags me to the chair and practically pushes me down into it.  “We’ll talk later.  Just work with me.”

“How can I…”

“Hush.”

He pulls a lever and the chair falls all the way back.  My body smacks against the back of it, and I groan.  “Ow!”

“Pain is beauty.”  He grins and pulls a makeup brush out of the belt hanging off the side of his jeans, dabbing it in some kind of creamy foundation before bringing it back to my face.  “Don’t move.  This is going to be epic when I’m finished with you.”

I flinch at the first touch of the stuff, and Adam scolds me (honey I mean it. Hold still), but after that it gets easier.  I’m in that same position for forty five minutes, surrounded by the sounds of techno music and the sight of watching Adam work furiously with his palate of makeup.  At some point I realize that he’s actually drawing on my face, and I’m not sure if I like it, but I say nothing.  Too much is running through my mind.  Does he live here? Is Ellie here? Is she back in California? Is she okay?

Did he tell her that I love her?

I can’t ask the questions and it’s driving me out of my fucking skull.

“There.” He finally smiles and lets me sit upright again.  “I think that came out splendid, don’t you?”

He turns the chair, and I’m able to see my face.  It’s been caked in a layer of white face paint and running down the very center of my complexion is a huge silver lightning bolt.  It’s crazy, too crazy, too bold for my first ad.  “It’s a little out there Adam…”

“Too late now.” He laughs.  “Come on, we’re late and you have to get dressed.”

“How is she?”

His hand lands on the door knob, and his shoulders sag slightly.  “I can’t do this while I”m working, Justin.  Please just let me get through the rest of the day.”

“Just give me something.”

He turns slightly.  “Then will you stop asking questions?”

“For now.”

“She’s…better, I guess, if that means anything.  I’ve sort of hired her to work for me, but you can’t really consider it that, since my project is still getting off the ground.  El is a whiz with finance though.  She’s kept me from going over budget dozens of times.  I think she’s happier here than she was back in California, but…she’s still not herself.”  He opens the door.  “After you.” 

I slowly get up from the chair and walk toward him.  “Can I see her?”

He shrugs.  “I don’t know.  I can’t say yes or no, and I know if I asked her she’d go all Eleanor on me.”

“Give me something, Adam.  What can I do? That night I…”

“Let’s not get into that night,” he says seriously.  “Look, we didn’t get to have Christmas.  I was planning to have a few friends over to celebrate with us on Saturday night.  We have a tree set up and everything.  If you’d like, you’re more than welcome to join us, but I can’t promise you anything.”

“I have a game,” I frown.  “We’re at the Garden Saturday night.”

“Oh, right, you signed with Miami didn’t you?”

“You’ve been keeping track?”

“Roger loves sports, as much as it disappoints me.  He has season tickets to the Knicks and he drags me to games whenever he can.  His company gives them to him for free.  I normally loathe sports, but I was happy to hear you made it.  How’s it been anyway?”

“I have a lighting bolt painted on my face, Adam.  What do you think?”

He laughs.  “Welcome to the world of sports endorsements.  It’s not just for breakfast anymore.”
I roll my eyes.

“Maybe…I can con Ellie into coming to the game Saturday night.  I’ll just tell her that we have an extra ticket or something.  If she doesn’t murder me before the game is over, you can come back and celebrate our unChristmas with us.”

“You’d do that?”

He shrugs and crosses his arms.  “I don’t respect that many people, but I respect you.  You went out of your way to help my sister when you didn’t have to, and that night when you told me that you loved her…I knew you weren’t pulling it out of your ass.”

“No.” I shake my head slightly . “I meant what I said.  Did you ever get to tell her?”

“I couldn’t.  I think it would have just messed her up more.”

“Yeah,” I nod.  “I can understand that.”

He puts a hand on my shoulder.  “Just prepare yourself for the worst on Saturday.  Is there a place we can meet you after the game or something?”

“I’ll leave some passes at the will call.  The media coordinator will bring you back with the press.”
r32;“I feel so dirty,” he sighs.  “You realize it’s my ass if she gets pissed off, right?”

“I’m hoping she won’t,” I half smile.

“I guess we’ll find out.  Now go on, get dressed, Mr. Thunder Water before my artwork melts off your face.”

“Is he not in dress yet!” Gloria storms up to us and puts her hands on her hips.  “Adam! Claudio is waiting!”

“Just chill out sweetheart.” He rolls his eyes and sweeps his bangs out of his face.  “It’s just shorts and sneakers anyway.”

“Exactly! He should be set to go by now!”

“Come on,” he groans, and pulls me down to the next door by the arm.  “Do you want me to help you change?”

“No…no I’m okay.”

“If you smudge I will kill you,” he says, narrowing his eyes at me.  “It’s the red and white shorts and the black and red basketball trainers.”

“No shirt?”

He smiles.  “Not this time.”

I cringe.  “You owe me.”