“I’m going to pick this lock with my nipple ring, El. Open the door.”
He’s persistent , but he’s always been this way. I can’t open the door for him though, because it’s been almost two years since I’ve seen him and the last time…I said horrible things to him, so we parted ways. My brother. I’ve missed him more than he knows, but I can’t face him.
I can’t.
“El.” A light knocking comes next. “Come on. The witch is gone for now. I promise.”
"You hate me," I whimper.
I hear him groan. "If I hated you I wouldn't be sitting out here threatening to break down the door with my nipple ring. Come on, that’s love. Those things are a bitch to put back in.”
I try to stifle my giggle, but can’t help myself. I’ve been without Adam’s sense of humor for entirely too long. It’s one of the things he got from our mother that was always able to comfort me after she was gone.
I’m so embarrassed.
I knew things weren’t going to be easy. Abandoning the family for a couple of years wasn’t the smartest idea, but I didn’t think I had any other option. I was miserable, and needed a break. I figured maybe they would change if I stayed away, but I was so wrong. Jules will never change, that’s obvious, but I never expected her to say the things she did…act the way she did, in front of Justin.
I’m sure he’s gone. I really wouldn’t hold it against him at this point.
I’ll write the paper anyway. He came, he tried. It’s my fault for being a loser.
“Ellie, please let me in.”
He says it softly, sadly, like he needs me just as much as I need him. I take another moment, then I slowly get up off the floor and open the door for him. He looks the same. Exactly the same. I shouldn’t have expected different, no…not from Adam.
“Oh honey,” he sighs. “You’re breaking my heart.”
He steps inside the powder room, holds his arms out to me, and I don’t hesitate to fall into them. He wraps them around me, pulling me tight to his chest. I breathe him in, and the familiar scent of rosewood fills my nostrils. I start sobbing all over again because I’ve missed this. I’ve missed it most of all.
“You’re fine,” he whispers. I can feel him stroking my hair. “Jules is a bitch. Don’t worry about whatever she said, because she’s wrong. She’s insecure and she’ll always be.”
She wasn’t entirely wrong. “Did he leave,” I whimper.
“Who?”
“Justin.”
He chuckles. “No, I saved him before Max and the rest of the vultures could get in the way. I can’t guarantee that he hasn’t run into them by now though.”
I tilt my head up to look at him. “He stayed?”
“Of course he stayed. I doubt you’d bring a guy home that could be so easily intimidated. You have to have a strong stomach to spend the holidays with our family.”
He’s saying it sincerely but I can read his expression like a book. He can see through the whole thing. Do I admit it to him though? Or do I just keep my mouth shut and be thankful that he’s putting our separation out of his mind?
“Did Roger come?” I ask him next.
“Are you kidding me? I’d like to keep that relationship in tact, thanks. You know how dad is, cleaning his throat and changing the subject whenever I bring Roger around and we start talking about our plans. I wasn’t going to put him through that again. He was in tears last time.”
“I figured, but I was hoping that I’d get to see him before the wedding.”
“Well you know my opinion about moving you to New York to stay with us, but I don’t feel like having that argument again since it’s reason we haven’t spoken. He wanted me to tell you that he loves you though, and that he still wants you to play a big part in our ceremony next year.”
I hide my face in his chest again. “I’m sorry,” I whimper. “Adam I’m…”
“Shh, I know.” I feel him nuzzle his nose into the top of my head. “I love you and it’s done, okay? I’m just glad you made it out. I was really beginning to think that…we’d never talk again. I don’t think I could have dealt with that. I mean, Jules would have to be my actual sister. Do you know how awful that would be? Hagsillaville twenty four seven. I’d pitch myself off the balcony.”
“Only after you belted out Bohemian Rhapsody.”
He smiles brightly. “There’s my sister.” He kisses my cheek. “How about we get out of this room? It’s too pink, a fashion nightmare. Roger would die. He’s cranky because he wanted me to come to his parents house for Christmas, but when dad told me you were coming, I had to fly out.”
“You gave up the holidays with your fiancé for me?”
He places his arm around my shoulders as he leads me out of the room. “I’d give up almost anything for you, El. Besides, I wanted to meet this boyfriend of yours. I almost died from shock when I heard that news. When did you decide to crawl out from your cave and look humanity in the eye?”
I shrug and pull the door closed behind us. I hate lying to him, because he never lies to me. “It was kind of a fluke, actually. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“Nobody ever does,” he smirks. “He seems like a good guy. I talked to him a little bit. He’s cute as hell.”
“You…you talked to him?”
“Why? Was I not supposed to?”
It’s the look again. Shit. “No I mean…I just didn’t know…”
“He’s a basketball player,” He smirks and narrows his eyes. “Totally your type.”
“Well he’s…you know, deeper than that.”
“Don’t explain yourself to me,” he laughs. “I could care less what you’re really up to. Just don’t let them find out what’s going on. It’ll be like Satan himself came to Christmas.”
“There’s nothing going on.”
He strokes his chin and nods slightly. “I can’t believe you, but thanks for playing. Are you hungry? I know I’m starving.”
“Adam.”
“Why don’t you go freshen up, doll. You look like you just came back from the dead.” He gives me another little peck on the cheek. “Justin went out to the basketball court. You should go check in on him and make sure the others haven’t completely warped him by now. Maybe later, after we put ourselves through the horrors of a Plymouth/Granby family dinner, you’ll feel like telling me what’s really going on with you and this…handsome young man.” He winks at me, and walks away.
He knows. He’s too smart and knows me too well not to figure it out, but I’m not as nervous about that as I should be. I guess it’s because he’s my brother, and he’d take a secret of mine to the grave if it meant he could protect me.
I never, ever, want to be cut off from him again.
I drag myself down the hall, up the grand staircase, and with each step, I’m reminded of so much…so many bad memories of growing up with Max, and Jules. When I was fifteen they locked me out of the house, buck naked, while they watched from the balcony with their friends. I remember…Max threw garbage at me. It smelled rancid, I can still smell it now. Adam came home and discovered the whole thing. I don’t remember what he said to them, but it was enough to make them stop laughing. r32;
He told Dad later that night who naturally, did nothing. Neither did Jeanine. They said we were ‘just being kids’
The next day I went to school and someone had passed out pictures of the previous days events.
I never lived it down, and I would find out later that Max was the one who distributed those pictures, automatically making me the biggest loser in a brand new school. From then on I was known only as ‘smelly garbage Ellie’ or ‘smelly Ellie’ by everyone.
I don’t know how I made it through those four years of high school. If it wasn’t for Adam, I don’t want to think about where I’d be.
“Well, I thought I smelled something rotten.”
He’s smiling from his place at the end of the hallway. I was almost there. Almost to my bedroom, but he’s cornered me now. I don’t look him in the eye and do my best to push past him, but he blocks my path and I know better than to try and fight back.
I cringe. “Max, please…”
“I heard you brought some guy home to meet the family,” his laugh is sick and intimidating in my ear. “How much did you pay him, huh? Come on. I want to win this bet I have going with Jules.”
“I didn’t pay him,” I say darkly.
“I saw him out by the basketball court. I made sure to introduce myself.” His smile is sly and intimidating.
“What…what did you say to him?”
“I was just making casual conversation.”
The laughter in his voice is telling me what a lie that is. Oh God.
“You know, you’re not fooling anyone, Smells. You could never get a guy like that to come home with you on his own. Hell, you could never get a guy period.”
“Are you done?”
“Not even close,” he laughs. “Welcome home. It’s a shame I don’t have those Polaroids anymore, you know? Mom burned them all years ago because she felt sorry for you. I could have had some real fun with those.” He’s leaning in closer now, and his breath is hot against my neck. I can feel the bile rising in my throat.
“Maybe I’ll just regale us all with that story during dinner. I’m sure Jules remembers the details I’ve forgotten.”
“Don’t.”
“Why? I’m sure your new boyfriend would love to know how you got your nickname. I mean, if that’s even what he is.”
“He is.” I push him away from me. “Just leave me the hell alone, Max.”
“See you at dinner,” he laughs.
I barricade myself in the bedroom.
r32;I hate him. I hate him so intensely and there’s nothing I can do to rid myself of him except cut myself off from the entire family.
r32;I can’t do that anymore. Adam is counting on me to be his sister again and oh yeah, I haven’t even seen my father yet.
How the hell am I going to make it through a week of this? No, how am I going to make it through a week of this and get everyone to believe that Justin is legitimately dating me?
I know the answer.
I won’t be able to. I’ll go off the deep end first if Max has anything to do with it. He’s like this disgusting virus. A piece of vermin that you can’t get rid of no matter how hard you try.
Sometimes I wish he were dead, and then I realize that it’s terrible to think that way.
But I just can’t help myself.
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