Justin has been amazing at pulling our relationship off at dinner, but then again, I wouldn’t have expected less from him. My Dad and Jeanine have been all smiles since we entered the room, exchanging pleasantries with him, and at times, myself as well. He’s regaled them with the basic details of his life, how we got together, and what his plans are as far as basketball and the draft. My father is fascinated. He’s always been a big fan of UCLA’s team, and hasn’t hesitated to ask my supposed boyfriend every question under the sun about his game strategies and other nonsense. Jeanine has been smiling, as she normally does at functions and dinner parties. It’s that pleased smile. The one that says she accepts this relationship.
They’re buying it, despite the fact that Max and Jules can’t be convinced. It’s all that matters. Now I’m normal. Now I’m the daughter my father has always wanted. I’m the one with a promising future, rather than the social outcast that abandons the family. I should be happier.
I should be bursting with happiness, actually, because this is what I wanted most of all.
I’m not though. I think it has a lot to do with Adam’s eyes tearing into me every so often. He knows I’m full of it, and he’s waiting for this whole thing to come tumbling down on me. He’s worried, and I don’t blame him, but I’ll take the mood Dad and Jeanine are in while it lasts.
Justin grabbed my hand on the court before, not out of necessity either. It was like…he wanted to hold my hand. The idea of anyone wanting to do that scared the hell out of me, and because it was him, I freaked out. I haven’t dated in a few years. I’m not used to the idea that someone might be able to care about me, especially someone like Justin. Maybe I took it out of context. I mean, after spending so much time with the guy, I’ve realized he’s not all that bad. He’s a little cocky, sure, but deep down he’s a decent guy who wants to do the right thing. I’m thankful for him…
But I can’t let him start to like me…or something…I’m just not ready. I’ll never be ready for someone like him.
I feel awful for yelling at him.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. It’s also Jeanine’s biggest dinner party of the year. Everyone in the industry will be there, and to be honest, it’s a little much for me. Still, Justin and I are expected to be there, and I made sure he brought a suit with him just for that purpose. Jeanine has been mentioning little things about it to us here and there, what the theme is this year and who some of the guests are. I could care less. I’m nervous about it, but I’ve been trying not to let it show since Max and Jules are all about it, and would love to come up with a way to embarrass the hell out of me, Christmas Eve or not.
I can’t wait to get the damn holiday over with and go back to my life.
“You know, Nathan,” Jeanine speaks up. “Mitch is coming tomorrow.”
“Oh…yes, thats right,” my father smiles and looks our way. “Justin weren’t you saying you were interested in negotiating with the Lakers?”
He pauses, mid chew, and glances at my father before swallowing. “Yes sir, well, it’s on my list. My father says its good to explore all my options.”
“Well of course, but like Jeanine was saying, Mitch is a personal friend of the family and he comes to our dinner gala’s every year.”
I see Justin’s eyes go wide. “You mean Mitch Kupchak, general manager of the Lakers?”
“That’s him,” Jeanine grins. “I just love Mitch. We’ve been friends since the kids were in middle school. I’ll make sure to introduce you. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to meet such an outstanding young man.”
I see Justin swallow hard, and then his hand lands on my knee, rubbing it nervously. I’d slap him, but when I feel it trembling, I know he needs me to go with it, so I do. “Well that’s….thanks.” He looks back down at his food.
It’s a lot to put on him. I know that. He’s been getting ready for scouts and wasn’t expecting to have to talk to a team executive so soon.
“You seem a little nervous.”
Max. Oh God. Please. Please just shut up.
Jules giggles.
Justin glances at my step brother. “Well I…”
“Hush Max.” Jeanine says. “Naturally he’d be nervous. He’s not signed up yet.”
Max glares at the two of us. He won’t say anything as long as Mommy is hovering over him. He’s always been such a pussy when it comes to her, but it’s better this way, for tonight anyway.
“Nothing to be nervous about son,” my father smiles. “He’s a decent guy. The most it’ll be is an opportunity to get to know you before they send the scouts out. Remember when he took a look at you Max? He said you may have had a shot if you had put a little more effort into your game.”
“I’m more cut out for business,” Max grunts, and his gaze shifts to Adam. “At least I played, unlike some people that couldn’t be taught.”
I feel the rage burning inside of me. I want to take him and strangle him, throw him off the roof, because he has no right to talk to my brother that way. No right to turn the conversation onto Adam just because he feels bad about himself right now.
Adam of course, doesn’t let it effect him. He never has. Instead, he smiles for everyone. “Right…and what is it that you do these days, Max? Playing mommy’s secretary must be such fulfilling work.”
“Boys.” Jeanine narrows her eyes, as she did when we were kids. I wonder when she’s going to realize that it won’t help?
“I’d rather be doing that than fag designer work,” Max shoots at him. “At least when I get married, it’ll be socially acceptable. You think you’re doing a good thing by coming home for Christmas? Honestly, we’d all be better off if you stayed the hell in New York doing whatever sick shit you do.”
The whole room falls silent. I watch my brother sit there, trying to maintain his composure. His knuckles are bright white as he balls his hands into fists.
It’s nothing new.
r32;It’s been going on for years, and my father won’t even defend his own son.
It hits me. This is half the reason I loathe coming home.
Adam picks the napkin off his lap and throws it onto his plate. “Thanks for dinner, Jeanine. Everything was delicious.” He leans over and gives her a small kiss on the cheek, smiles for me, and then leaves the room.
Max laughs and Jules does too.
My father changes the subject to Jules’ latest endeavor in the modeling world, and dinner goes on without a hiccup.
I feel like crying, and then I feel the tears on my face. Justin is squeezing my hand, so hard, like he wants to help.
But he can’t help, and going after my brother now, I know, wouldn’t be good for the image Justin and I have created tonight. So we continue on with dinner, until dessert is served and consumed, and it’s only then that my father and Jeanine bid us a good night and a “we’ll see you tomorrow night”, before moving on with their evening.
“You wanna get out of here,” Justin whispers.
I stare at him, and I want to say no, but I know if we stay, we’ll be stuck here with Max and Jules who are cackling and whispering to each other, probably about us. “Yeah,” I nod.
“What do you say we find your brother?”
I smile. “Yeah, I’d like that.”
And when he takes my hand this time, something changes. I want him to do it. I feel safe, protected from Max and Jules, the way my father conveniently ignores my brother and his life choices, and the way he views me as a disappointment most of the time.
r32;It just feels right, and I guess…melting away into him for just one night, won’t hurt.
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