Behind a smile, is everything you'll never understand. (See end of this document… add quote)

The choices we make dictate the path we create.  Believing that a path is already created for us and we simply have to follow it, is far from the reality of the truth. With each decision made, we set in place the next increment piece of the puzzle. We choose to work hard or play hard. We choose to take a left or a right. We chose to love or hate. We make choices. For better or for worse. We make choices that leave us with an unwavering faith that we are going to be happier. But sometimes we find ourselves making decisions that make us happy, right here right now. Chances are, you’re oblivious to the pain that is sure to come. But those choices create the path, just not necessarily a path of happiness. Instead of starting from the outside and working your way into the center, to see the full picture… sometimes the puzzle piece starts right smack dab in the middle of everything.

 “Harper.” A soft, effortless voice brought her back into the moment.

She looked up into the mirror, seeing him this time standing just mere feet behind her. “Mr. President”, she said swallowing the lump in her throat. Closing her eyes again, trying to find her inner strength. She swung the chair around slowly.  He was standing in her doorway, in all his glory. He was casually dressed for what she thought was going to be a formal interview.

She had no complaints, he knew how to wear a pair of jeans and wear them well.

He turned to the secret service nodding at them to exit the room; closing the door behind them.

She didn’t stand to greet him as she should have for the President of the United States. He was in her space, and she was looking at him as the person she spent countless hours driving from city to city on a crowded bus with. The person who is quite possibly the only person that has taken the time to tear down all of her layers to get to who she was.

He stepped closer to her.

Moving a little closer, he was inching his way into her personal space.

Expressing no words to each other, he leans down to her in the chair, grabbing a hold of her face, staring deep into her eyes. Leaning in he finally escaped hot air onto her already flushed skin as he whispered into her ear. “Just as stunning as ever.”

She could feel the slight lift in his lips, perching into a smile. Her entire body started to tremble. “…Mr. President…” She whispered back. Her breathing became more labored.

He reached out and pulled her all the way into him, wrapping her within his arms. He leaned his head onto hers, pressing a light kiss on the top of her head, locking his fingers into her curls, fully taking in the coconut scent of her hair.

Her heart began t beat out of her chest, and as his lips met hers, she let him kiss her deeply. Passionately. Effortlessly.

This was home for her. Even though it was wrong, adulteress, and a painful kind of home, it was still home.

She stood slowly, without parting their lips, wrapping her hands around his waist, planting her hands firmly on his behind to pull him closer to her. His lips travelled down her neck, slowly, and as his eyelids began to flutter, she could feel his lashes against her bare skin. He was taking over her every emotion, like he had done many times before. For a moment she enjoyed the warmth of his arms wrapped around her. She enjoyed the scent of him. She even enjoyed her immediate reaction to lock her fingers into the curls on his head, pressing her head to his chest, to hear his heartbeat.

“You know…” He spoke seductively, her head still rested against his heart, “the last time you were calling me Mr. President… it was in a much different tone.” He safely gripped his hands around her jawline, raising her face into his view. He loved looking into depths of her green eyes, finding the slight tint of golden that illuminated her entire presence; that was home for him. He nuzzled his way up her neck, slowly taking in every ounce of her scent. He missed this.

His lips were back on hers when she had a moment of clarity. A moment where she knew what she was doing was wrong, on all accounts. She pushed herself back away from him, staring at him, watching him, trying to collect her thoughts, shaking her head back and forth. “You’ve got a wife, in the White House. We can’t do this.” She was frustrated with him. There were secret service agents scattered along the hallways, and they knew exactly what was going on inside that dressing room. She couldn’t be that person.

The truth of his current position was sadness that spread all over his face.

Backing away, they stood across the room from each other.

Distance was good.

She ran her fingers through her freshly darkened hair, readjusting her curls, her nervous habit. If she could change anything about their passion for one another, she probably wouldn’t and that ate at her more than anything. “I have moved on… I let you go.”

“The hair…” his words escaped seductively, ignoring her admission. “It’s sexy as hell.”

She looked up at him smiling. This was wrong, she reminded herself. “Why are you here?”

He pulled her back into him. “I wanted to see you.” It had been 203 days. He knew that number off the top of his head. He knew that his heart had ached for the last two hundred and three days.

They stood looking beneath the surface of each other’s layers. They knew each other better than they knew themselves.

She mumbled before stepping back from him, her voice shaking with pain. “We can’t…, I won’t.”  Picking up her mic, she laced the wires down the back of her shirt, attaching it to her packet which she placed it on the back of her slacks.

He steps as close as he could to her, without touching, staring to the deepest depths of her orbs. “You…” he whispers slowly, “and I… both… know… we can.”

Her body shivers.

He steps closer.

And closer.

His deep breathes bounced off her flushed skin, continuing to stand in each other’s presence.

“I’m an entertainment reporter, not a political reporter.” She finally blurted, “Why did you pick me for this?” She plopped down on her chair frustrated more than ever.

He slouched against the vanity, staring at the floor. “This morning…” He continued to look at his feet, trying to find the words he needed to physically escape from his lungs. “My lawyers prepared paperwork for what will in turn be my divorce.”

Harper was stunned, and just stared at him. The words she heard coming from his vocal chords were honest and pure, but they were not what she was expecting at all. “You cannot file for divorce while still in office. They will crucify you.”

“Tomorrow morning, I am officially filing for divorce from my wife.” He said proudly and definitively avoiding anything she was saying. “And she is moving out of the White House as we speak.”

She shook her head. He had said this many times before, giving her a glimmer of hope that she could actually be with him. Making her think that they had a real chance, but it always ended the same way. It always ended with her in tears and him choosing his policital career.

He placed his hand over his heart. “I had been broken for so long, it’s not an excuse for my actions on any level, but it’s the truth. For so long I accepted that my life was going to be a broken blank slate for the rest of my days.” He took her hand into his, a smile brightening across his face. His voice shaking with pride. “Then you came rushing into my life, with such force. You brought the light back into my life. You fixed me. You glued me back together. I am whole and filled with such love, because of you.” Water began to well over his eyelids, “I chose to not fight for you. I chose to remain in my marriage for my own political gain. I made that mistake. I’ve lived with that choice and that pain...”

Harper tried to take in everything he was saying. She was trying to believe everything he was saying. She’d been down this road with him time and time again. She didn’t know what made this time different, but she had hope that it was finally different.

“I fell in love with someone that isn’t my wife. And that may make me a horrible person, but I don’t feel guilty for that. My wife…” a smirk creeps up on his face, and shakes his head. “Is pregnant.”

“She’s what…?” Her face shook in shock. She swallowed hard, firmly delivering words, “You cannot file for divorce from your pregnant wife without a backlash of epic proportions...” Her voice rose to a more serious tone. “Especially while in office. They will crucify you, they will impeach you.”

Justin smirked.

“This isn’t funny. This is your Presidential future at stake. You have to take this seriously.”

“You are right about one thing and only one thing.” He smirked again watching the ringlet of her curls slide from the side of her face, move slightly closer to her eyes. “I have to take this seriously.”

Harper sat down in her chair trying to let the scenarios run through her head of how to fix this for him. Was there anything anyone could do to make the situation a little smoother of a transition? Is there any way he could come out of this looking like a devoted father but just unhappy with his marriage?

Justin placed his hands along her jawline, lifting her face back to look directly into his eyes. “Karma.” He finally blurted.

“What exactly does that mean?”

“My wife is pregnant.” He repeated.

“I understand that…” She scrunched her forehead, throwing her hands in the air. “But I’m still confused.”

He leaned in and kissed her forehead, down her cheeks, the tip of her nose, and finally a soft kiss was planted on her lips. Lifting back to see her face with he told her the other little piece of the puzzle he had left out. “My wife is ten weeks pregnant.”

She racked her thoughts, thinking something happened around that time. The lightbulb had finally been turned on. She finally remembered what the news was covering ten weeks ago. She gasped, covering her mouth. “You mean…”

“My wife got pregnant while I was in Toyko, at the G8 Summit.” He shook his head. “It’s not my child.”

“What are you going to do? Are you going to out her?”

**

During the campaign trail…

Justin slammed the door of Harper’s suite and began pacing around the hotel room.

Harper was a bit nervous, but she let him go on his tyrant. She knew there was nothing she could do to snap him out of this mood; he had to spit out the words when he was ready to do so. But deep down, she knew what he had found out. It was something she figured out weeks ago, but couldn’t find the words to tell him. She couldn’t hand him any amount of pain.

He grabbed her waist and pulled her into him. He moved strands of hair out of her face, staring at the angle of her face.  He placed his lips along the angle of her jaw.

“Justin don’t…” Harper moved away from him. She knew what he had to say and this wasn’t the action that needed to take place. He needed to say the words out loud to make it real.

He stepped back from her. He knew his actions were out of line. “My wife is having an affair, with Connor.” He slammed his hand down on the table. “My fucking friend and campaign manager.”

“How do you know?”

“They were in the conference room… together.”

“What are you going to do? Are you going to out her?” Harper asked quietly, knowing they weren’t so innocent. She knew deep down that she couldn’t hold any judgment for anyone elsesr action, when she, they, were just as guilty.

**

“I think you’ve said that before…” He chuckled.

They both paused remembering the path they created to hide the truth of his wife’s infidelity.

“She cheated. That wasn’t the first time, but this; this will be the last time.” He said firmly. “I can’t raise someone else’s child as my own. A bit of sadness washed over his face. “I know that I wasn’t completely faithful to her, but with us…” he paused thinking of the depth that the simple word ‘us’. “… We...”

Harper swallowed her guilt, and her pain, looking at him with such distaste. “Don’t.” She blurted.

He shook his head, “You have never liked that word.. have you?” He gently placed his hand over hers. “We made the decision to go our separate ways, we made that decision together, despite what I actually wanted. But we both know how we felt…”

He was the candidate, on the trail for a Presidential run that he was most certainly going to lose. She was the journalist intern. They had an affair. Typical politician story, right? Wrong. Sometimes falling in love is spiritual, something you can’t describe any part of it other than pure happiness. But that happiness comes at a cost, or sometimes even love can’t survive the obstacles that stand in the way. 

With Harper in his court, he won the election. She worked harder and longer hours than anyone else did on the campaign. Working first hand with his advisers scheduling appearances, writing speeches with him, and spending long days on the phone with any person she could. He had her to thank for everything he had. They did make the decision together to part ways. But it was her decision to distance herself from him completely.

It was eerily quiet between them. This is something they weren’t used to. It was awkward.

“You took of your jacket, and stood in the rain.” He laughed, “You were always crazy like that.” He thought about that very moment more times than he liked to admit. That memory both tore him to pieces and made him the happiest he had been every single time he thought about it.

She smiled remembering that careful moment. The scent of the fresh cut grass, the feeling of having his arms wrapped around her, dancing in the rain. The love she had for him in that very moment rushed back to her.

He looked up at her, he was remembering as well.

“Do you remember Indiana?” she asked quietly.

“How could I forget?” He laughed at himself. “Worst debate of the entire campaign. I seriously thought that was the end of my run for the White House.”

She felt the world drop beneath her.

Then he spoke up again, “But most of all, I remember that old movie theater we found… I remember the scent of your perfume. I remember the curl of your hair, and how it fell just beyond your shoulders…” He pulled her into him, lacing his fingers into hers. “And I remember it was the first time we held hands. It was the first time I felt like life was barreling through me.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. “You were the lightning bolt my system needed.”

“We are not the same people we were then.” She blurted. “I have changed.”

“Time can heal. But the scars only hide the way you feel.” Justin boldly stated.

Harper was looking at Justin, but she was looking passed him, focusing on a photo on the wall.

“I know you, I know you probably better than anyone has in your entire life…” He took a hold of her hand. “I’ve always known you...”

“You knew me.” She looked directly into his eyes, pulling her hand back. “The pain of our love scared me.” A wave of panic and hurt waved across his face. “Those scars, they changed me.” She looked away from him, she knew if she looked into his eyes she would fall all over again. She couldn’t be that person again. She places her stern look on her face, and exhales the only words she could say, “Behind a smile, is everything you'll never understand.”

Her words hurt, but he knew he did this to her. He made her the person she was today. He made her lose faith in love… and happily ever after. “Look at you, you put on the famous smile, you look into your camera and you tell the stories of everyone else’s life… what about you? What do you want?”

Harper shut her eyes, breathing slowly, trying not to cry, trying not to show him that he knew her better than anyone else did. Everything he was saying to her was the truth.

“I can’t remember what it was like…” Justin closed his eyes and his words trailed off.  The two of them stood feet away from each other, tying hard not to say exactly what they want to say but know that it will only open another can of worms.

Harper sighed deeply but couldn’t hold back the words she that had been held back. “You can’t remember what? Finish what you were going to say.”

Justin’s body shivered with emotions, stepping closer to her. His hand grazed the side of her face. He smiled in that painful way she knew meant he was feeling the emotions of every word he was about to spill out of his mouth. “I can’t remember what it was like…” his voice trembled, “to not love you.” He swallowed hard, “I can’t remember a time in my life that I wanted anything more than your love in return.”

His cheek grazed hers; her arms tightly gripped around his waist, they both stood holding onto only the sound of each other’s heartbeats, hoping that the other would finally say what needs to be said. Harper leaned back, placing her hands around his jawline, watching the light blue shades in his eyes turn into a darker shade of pain. They both knew it was coming. “I can’t do this interview.” She finally released the words. Justin nodded his head in agreeing with her. “I will get you the best person for the job, I promise you that. But I can’t be the one to do this interview.” She swallowed hard, the tears welled up in her eyes, “I’m too close to the situation.”

“Last thing I would ever want is to pull your name into this mess.”Justin wiped away her tears, if only it were that easy to wipe away her pain.  “Maybe we can figure out how to deal with this like the campaign days?”

Harper nodded her head. She wouldn’t want anyone else to handle a situation that could somehow expose her history with him.

 “Tonight. Eight o’clock?”

Harper nodded her head after looking at the clock.

“I’ll get you the exact location.” He smiled at her, trying to cover up his own pain. He missed her. He missed everything about her. But he knew she deserved more than he was.

Once the room was silent, Harper dropped onto her couch and sobbed into her hands.

Kristy watched as the Secret Service walked down the hallway, insuring that it was secure because the President was exiting Harper’s office looking up at her and smiling as much as he possibly could. His eyes were red with pain filled marks. It struck her as odd. He hadn’t been in the building long enough to have a full length interview. Her gut instinct was that his visit was personal. But why he would want to specifically see Harper had her puzzled. And as she stepped into Harper’s office, it hit her like a tidal wave. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looked like?”

Harper looked up at her boss. “Shut the door…”