Chapter 10 – Maybe It Is A Bad Thing... (Part Two)

Mel sighed, the sound of the keys clanking against the apartment's marble counter top a relief to hear.

“Ya bring my truck back in one piece?”

She could hear that he was drunk, slurring his words. Derek's voice was angry. It wouldn't be a pleasant night.

“Yes,” she said quietly.

“Better not be a ding or scratch in it or it's comin' outta your check,” he said.

She looked over to see him on the couch, his back toward her, and saw him take another swig from the bottle of beer. But it was what she saw on the television that made her eyes go wide.

“Lookit that,” Derek slurred. “Your boyfriend's on TV.”

She hadn't even gotten a chance to remove her coat, still dressed in her waitress uniform from working the closing shift at the diner, and now all she could do was stare. Derek had been watching The Tonight Show with the new host, Jimmy Fallon – and now she was staring at Chris.

“He looks like hell,” Derek said.

“He doesn't look that bad,” she whispered.

The truth was – he looked awful. The first thing she noticed was the injury. It was worse than she had imagined, seeing him walk on crutches to his seat in front of Jimmy's desk. His skin was pale and he looked like each step was painful, even though she knew he was trying not to show it on live TV. His eyes were more tired than she had ever seen.

“Don't kid yourself,” Derek said, turning his head slightly to look at her. “He's probably spending half of his time on this tour banging groupies backstage and that's why he looks that bad.”

She had to admit that the thought stung. That didn't seem like something Chris would do – even if he was so brokenhearted that he wanted to find any woman to occupy his time and keep his mind off her.

But she couldn't deny that in her eyes, that looked like the truth. He looked like he had spent a few too many nights partying – just like Derek had tried to convince her.

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Chris hobbled out to the backstage area with the help of the crutches. The audience was still screaming and crying and clapping, even though the cameras were off now.

He thought he could do this. He had tried to put a smile on his face and pretend to be okay. After all, it was no different than going out on stage every night, singing the same damn love songs over and over, living in misery as he thought of her more and more with each lyric. It was no different than fantasizing every night that he would be in the middle of singing a song and look out into the audience to see her looking back at him – but it never happened.

It was just something that got him through. It was a coping mechanism. It was the only way he could get through this tour, knowing she was supposed to be here sharing the touring life with him in the same bunk – knowing that instead, she was somewhere else, no one knew where, sharing a bed with someone else.

Everything had been fine until Jimmy started asking him about his “girlfriend” - and he had to admit that he had no girlfriend. That it just “didn't work out”. He hated lying about it. He wanted to tell people that she had left him, that just like he and Stephanie had talked about the other day, she was probably out there somewhere scared. He wanted to tell all his fans that if they saw her, to please tell her to come home. If he could have, he would have put her face on a milk carton by now.

“So you're just going to check out on us?”

Chris looked up from the chair he had just sat down in to see Lance looking down at him.

“Knee hurts,” he said simply, not making eye contact.

“Bullshit,” Lance said. “You're so doped up on painkillers right now you could get stabbed and not feel a thing.”

“It feels sort of like that anyway,” Chris said. “And you're wrong – I do feel it.”

“Hey, you know what?” Lance asked, sitting down in a chair next to him. “I get it. I've been here before, remember?”

“She came back.”

“No, she didn't,” Lance said. “I went to her. I ran off to Los Angeles with nothing but the clothes on my back to embarrass the hell out of myself and beg her to take me back.”

“She came back the second time,” Chris said.

“Yeah, and I only had to almost die for her to come running back to me,” Lance said with a smile.

Chris couldn't help but chuckle.

“She is stubborn to a fault, isn't she?”

“To a fault? She'd risk life and limb if she had to in order to prove a point to me,” Lance said. “She left me – not once, but twice. I suffered, twice. Everyone thought it was over, twice. We're still dealing with shit and it hasn't been easy. But the point is, we're dealing, Chris. Addy and I are dealing with it because we have no choice.”

Chris sighed.

“We've both run away from so many problems in the last few years of our lives that we've realized that's not how you deal with problems. You don't run away from them. It would be so easy for us to agree that it's not working out between us and get a divorce. We've been at that point before, where we've both agreed that if that's what it takes, that's the way it is. It'd be amicable between us and we'd do our best to make sure that Liam grew up knowing that just because it didn't work out between us didn't mean we didn't love him. But we don't agree, because Addy and I want to be with each other – not just for our son, but because we love each other. So we keep going, we keep fighting to make it work. We don't just give up and run away.”

“Yeah,” Chris said. “And the difference is that Addy is here to fight. Mel's not.”

Lance was about to open his mouth to tell Chris that that wasn't the point, that the point was he couldn't stop fighting even without her – but he scooped up the crutches and started walking away.

He could have spoken up; he could have followed Chris easily, since he was essentially a cripple right now because of the knee injury, and it slowed him down. But Lance knew better. Chris had had enough for the night. He had reached his limit.

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“You told me we were going shopping. This doesn't look like a mall.”

Stephanie opened the door to the studio quietly, careful of making any creaky sounds and getting stopped by security guards, and looked back at her partner for the evening.

“Don't get your panties in a twist, Tiny Dancer,” she said to Courtney. “We'll go to the mall. We're making an unscheduled stop first.”

“My question is, why is our unscheduled stop to the Tonight Show studio?” she asked.

“Shh!” Stephanie turned and scolded, her finger against her lips. “You wanna get us caught and kicked out of here?”

“You're on tour with the guys,” Courtney said firmly, although lowering her tone to a whisper. “You can get backstage anywhere you want to. What's the big deal?”

“The big deal is that they don't know I'm coming,” Stephanie said. “Which means neither does security. Which means to them, you and I are just two freaks who want to get backstage to see NSYNC and are delusional enough to believe that we actually know them.”

“'Freak' and 'delusional' are fitting words for you,” Courtney countered. “Isn't Addy your partner in crime? Shouldn't it be her here instead of me? I'm just the choreographer.”

“Oh, you mean you're not Justin's little girly toy?” Stephanie said, smiling when she noticed Courtney blush slightly. “Just the choreographer, my ass. I saw you two doing a little private rehearsing of your own a couple days ago.”

“Are you blackmailing me into being into your accomplice?”

“You're damn right I am,” Stephanie said.

“You're evil,” Courtney said. “But I like you.”

“There it is,” Stephanie said, pointing towards a door.

“What?”

“The door they'll come out of. When they're done performing they'll come out of that--”

“What the hell are you two doing?”

The girls were taken by surprise, jumping slightly and shrieking when they heard the voice come from directly behind them. They turned around to see Lance staring at both of them.

“Courtney, what are you thinking?” Stephanie said, looking at her partner. “You told me you were taking me to the mall. This isn't Victoria's Secret!”

Courtney's mouth dropped open and a scoff came out, while Lance raised an eyebrow and smiled.

“Yeah, right,” he said, looking at Stephanie. “Sneaking backstage at the Tonight Show? This has your name written all over it.”

“Yeah, well, what the hell are you doing?” Stephanie countered. “You're supposed to be on stage.”

“You're supposed to be at the mall,” Lance said, “so I guess neither of us is where we should be, are we?”

“What are you doing backstage though?” Courtney asked.

“Chris had a bit of a meltdown,” Lance said. Then he looked back at Stephanie. “Just one question – usually it's you and my wife causing trouble.”

He paused, and the two women waited.

“And...?” Stephanie said.

Lance shook his head. “You know what, I...I don't want to know. It's better if I don't know. You two have fun playing Mission: Impossible...or whatever it is that you're doing.”

The two looked after him as he walked away towards the stage door. When he disappeared behind it, Courtney looked at Stephanie.

“He must know you really well, because he wasn't at all surprised.”

Stephanie smiled. “He's known me for seven years. You pick up some knowledge along that little road trip.”

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“Performing their newest single, 'Not A Bad Thing' – NSYNC!”

The first strums of the guitar were all it took for Mel to feel the tears roll down her face. Derek had gone to bed moments earlier, after the boys had finished their interview before the last commercial break, tired of the show already. But in a moment that she knew could be likened to a form of self-harm, she had to stay up and watch them perform “her” song.

The first place the camera went was, of course, to Chris. She watched as his fingers plucked the strings on the instrument, precise in his movements. She watched obsessively as each bone, muscle, and vein in his hand twitched with the movement of the pick against the strings.

In a way, she was obsessed – but this time, it wasn't as a fan.

“All I want from you is to see you tomorrow...”

“What are the five of you up to now?”

Addy sat down first, Mel sitting next to her and sinking into the comfortable couch. They both looked in front of them to the “stage” the boys had sat up – five of the stools from Addy and Lance's dining room bar standing at attention, a guitar resting on its back on one of them next to an amplifier.

“We thought maybe you'd like a private concert,” Lance said with a smile.

“Does it include a lap dance?” Mel joked. “Because if it doesn't, I'm not that interested.”

“You need VIP tickets for that,” Justin said, smiling.

“Chris and I wrote a little song that we thought you two might want to hear,” Lance said, taking his seat on the stool directly in front of Addy.

“You wrote a song?” Mel asked, looking at Chris.

He took the guitar in his hands and sat down on the stool before looking up at her.

“For you,” he said, moving the guitar into place on his lap.

“How 'bout I be the last voice you hear tonight, and every other night for the rest of the nights that there are...”

Addy and Melissa grimaced as feedback rang in their ears from the amp, after Chris had plugged it in.

“Y'all aren't as good live as I thought you would be,” Melissa teased.

“Sorry,” Chris said. “Stupid thing.”

“Christ, Chris, get your shit together,” Justin said, a grin on his face.

“I'll smack you with this,” Chris said, lifting the neck of the guitar.

“Guys,” Addy said, getting their attention. “One performance without you two trying to kill each other. Do you think you can do that? It's not too much to ask.”

JC and Lance smirked at each other from their seats as Justin huffed, and Chris lowered the guitar back into position.

“Okay, everybody ready?” JC asked. When he got nods all around, he held up his fingers, snapping out a beat. “Three, four...”

The minute Chris started plucking the opening chords, a shiver ran through Mel's body.

“All I want from you is to see you tomorrow, and every tomorrow maybe you'll let me borrow your heart...”

“And if you fall, you'll always land right in these arms, these arms of mine...”

She couldn't take anymore. She grabbed the remote and turned the power off as she wiped away the tears.

“You're still watching that damn thing?” Derek said, scratching his bare stomach as he walked into the living room and through to the kitchen. “God, Melissa, how stupid are you?”

“Just as stupid as you tell me I am,” she replied softly.

Chris was wrong. She had fallen, but she didn't land in his arms – instead of landing in arms of safety and comfort, she had landed flat on her face into the arms of insecurity.

Maybe it had been a bad thing to fall in love with Chris after all.

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“Chasez!”

JC narrowed his eyebrows, hearing the harsh whisper come from somewhere behind him. Lance and Chris continued walking, slowly to accommodate the hobbling man still getting used to the crutches.

“JC!”

He heard it again and turned his head again, a smile spreading over his face as he saw the brunette with the sneaky eyes looking at him from behind a curtain.

“What are you doing here?” he whispered to Stephanie, the smile playing at his lips.

“Come run away with me,” she whispered, returning the smile.

He took a hesitant step.

“Jace.”

He looked back, seeing Lance and Chris standing with Justin, looking at him.

“You coming?” Lance asked. “The Suburban is waiting for us.”

“I'm coming,” JC said. “Just give me like, five minutes guys. I forgot something.”

“Hurry up, I wanna get back to the hotel and get some sleep,” Lance said.

“Ditto,” Justin said.

“I'll hurry,” JC said, shaking his hands towards them. “Just...wait for me, okay?”

The three of them turned, tired from their long, late night. He waited a moment until they were several feet away before he started walking toward the curtain.

The moment he pulled it back slightly, he felt the hand grab him by his shirt and push him against the wall.

“Mr. Chasez,” she said, smiling against his lips. “Keeping the boys waiting to sneak away with some groupie harlot. Naughty boy.”

He only got a moment to smile before her lips crashed against his. His lips parted as hers did. It was a feeling he hadn't gotten the chance to experience in far too long.

“Ms. Andrews,” he said when they parted. “Sneaking backstage like some teenage rebel. You naughty girl.”

“I've always liked a little adventure in my life,” she said with a smile, leaning down to kiss him once more.

“Did you sneak all the way in just to see me?” he asked.

“Nah, I came to see Joey,” she said, running a hand through his hair. “We did it in the dressing room. Then we went behind the building and smoked a cigarette. You're only the second man in my life.”

“How do I put up with you?” he asked, grinning at the feeling of her fingernails scratching against his scalp.

“'Cause ya love me,” she drawled in his ear, her Australian accent thick and heavy with seduction.

His hand reached up to grab the back of her head, pulling her face to his. He used the opportunity to turn her so that she was shoved against the wall, with him against her.

“Steph, when are we going to tell them?” he asked.

“About us?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Isn't it fun this way?” she asked. “Sneaking around like teenagers, feeling like we're doing something bad?”

“We could have more fun if we were out in the open about it,” he said, running a hand through her straight hair. “And we could still sneak away every now and then.”

“We'll tell them soon,” she said, threading her fingers through his. “Now isn't the time – especially for Chris.”

He nodded in understanding.

“I have to go before they get suspicious and come look for me,” he said. “I'll meet you later?”

“At my hotel room,” she said with a smile. “I convinced Addy to go lingerie shopping earlier. I might have picked up a little something for myself.”

“A little something for me?” he asked.

“I think you'll be quite fond of it,” she said.

“I can't wait,” he said.

He leaned down to capture her lips in one more kiss, both of them pulling away reluctantly. He closed his eyes and let his lips graze over her forehead before he released her, walking away.

She watched him disappear behind the curtain, running a finger over her lips as she smiled, still feeling his soft lips against hers.

“Are you coming?”

She was slightly startled when she heard Courtney's voice and looked up to see her peeking through the curtain.

“I've been waiting in the car for fifteen minutes,” she said.

“Yeah,” Stephanie said, unable to stop the smile on her face. “I'm coming.”

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“You can't go to bed yet,” Derek said, his voice cutting through the darkness. “I need some pants washed.”

Melissa stood there a moment. It was almost midnight and she had to be up by seven to be in by nine to cover the late breakfast shift and lunch.

“You were home this evening,” she said simply, pulling her side of the covers back.

“Yeah, well I don't do the laundry. That's your job.”

His hand snaked over and ran along her side. A small smile crossed his face as he gave her flesh a squeeze.

“Tell you what...just get up early and do it. I want you here.”

Disconnecting. That's how she coped. Her body was there and she hated how Derek made her body respond, even if it was the last thing she wanted to do. It wasn't that he was overly romantic, but the contact was still there. Melissa knew she had to respond to him, at least pretend she was enjoying what was happening. Her head and heart knew different.

“Mel,” Chris murmured in her ear, her body pressed against the door of their apartment just after the Halloween party. His tongue ran over the shell of her ear and grinned as she shivered. “I love that,” he told her, having waited all evening to get home.

“You love what?” Her lips met his once more as she messed up his 'Tony Stark' hairdo. Melissa had promptly gotten rid of the heels once they'd gotten in the car, sighing with pleasure as she tossed them in the back seat. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” Chris argued as he tilted her neck to gently suck on the skin just under her ear. “Don't laugh,” he told her, knowing his goatee had grown out as he purposely tickled her neck. One of his hands went to her breasts, kneading it through the fabric of her bra and shirt. “Which one is this?”

Only Chris would worry about lingerie at a time like this. Melissa playfully slapped his hand away as he undid the first button.

“I think you need to take that costume off first, Kirkpatrick.”

Chris tossed the Iron Man mask on the couch and got the top part of the costume off. He watched his girlfriend as she bit her lip, watching him as he stood there and let pieces fall beside him to the floor. The only light in the room came from the lamp they left on, giving a soft glow.

“Why Ms. Potts, I do think you're blushing.”

“Mr. Stark, I don't believe I've seen you in that shirt before,” she said, looking at his dress shirt. A smile flirted on her lips as she took a step toward Chris. It was a black button-up shirt, with a black tie. Nothing exciting except the fact that he looked good in black. Her hands went to his tie and undid it, letting it hang on both sides of his shirt. “Well played, Kirkpatrick.”

“Shut up and kiss me, Weston.”

“Kiss me,” Derek growled, not waiting for a response before crushing his mouth to hers. Melissa knew better than to say or do anything to make it seem like she didn't like it. The last time she'd said something, there had been a hole punched in the wall. Although that had been a long time ago, she never forgot. It was a learning lesson. One that was being put to use now, as she put effort into sex.

“That's it...mmmm...Chris.”

Her fingers dug into his shoulders as her eyes shut on their own. His breath was hot on her ear, each grunt and moan from him turned her on more. One of her hands went to his hair and Melissa yanked, smirking when he growled.

“Biting and pulling hair...naughty girl,” Chris warned, nipping Melissa's neck harder as she pulled again on his hair. Their bodies were entwined and he was buried inside her with her legs around him to give him better leverage. It had taken a while to get her to open up about what she liked with sex, but Chris had reassured her that it was good to like being intimate. And that he was as good of a student as a teacher.

Her body responded to his, that familiar coiling in her stomach as she let go, shuddering hard as she came, calling out Chris's name.

She was breathing hard, her body betraying her once more. Derek had rolled off her to clean up a bit and pull his underwear back on. Melissa laid there, trying not to sniffle as she listened to him come to bed. The next day at work would be hell, knowing she wouldn't sleep well tonight.