As Nik’s GPS chirped “You have arrived at your destination,” Julie looked out at the cars parked in the driveway and along the street, not seeing the Cherry Red Audi that Blake tooled around town in anywhere. 

“I thought he was going to meet us here,” she said, still looking for him as Nik threw the car in park and opened her car door. It was 8:15 and Blake would have been here—he was always impeccably on time.

Nikki didn’t say anything and when she slammed her car door shut, Julie had to open hers just to finish the conversation.  Nik came around her car and walked straight towards the two-story brick house in front of them, locking her car remotely and moving with a mission.

“So, Blake got sick…” she called out, not looking back at Julie

This was the exact reason Julie had been dreading this event for the past 24 hours.  This was why she was anxious and on edge all day, unable to focus because deep down she knew that Nik had never asked Blake and she knew her friend was forcing her to get outside of her comfort zone.  She was going to be at this place with these people whom she didn't know and didn't care to know and it was going to be awkward and weird.  It was going to be hell.

“Oh my God, you are a liar.  You never called!”  Julie stomped after her friend, up the stairs to the front door.

“Look, I did call him.  I really did!”  Nik passed her an apologetic look as she quickly reapplied her lip gloss and slipped the tube back into her small purse.  “But he has a date and I didn't want to disturb him.  If I told you that, you would have bailed.”  She then pressed the doorbell.  No going back now.

“If we are murdered, I’ll never forgive you.”

“It’ll be too late once we’re dead!”  Nik laughed.  “And look there’s tons of cars here.  They’re already popular.”  Nik motioned with a wave of her arm to the street in front of the house and then took a minute to look around.  They were on a wraparound porch and the house was fairly large.  They were in one of the nicer sections of town, an older section with many large, southern-style homes—with wraparound porches, big ferns hanging on them or confederate jasmine on trellises, German cars in the driveways and perfectly manicured yards spaced in equal distance from one another.  And lots and lots of old oaks shading thickets and property lines.  “Nice house. Damn, they must be rich, too.”

“Cause that’s important,” Julie sighed.  She could smell a charcoal grill somewhere and hoped this wasn’t a whole dinner thing.  She had already eaten and really didn’t want to be here a long time.  She was dreading the fact that the only person she knew here was going to be Nik.  And Nik would be busy with John, and she wasn’t about to entertain that brother again.  She didn’t want to ruin Nik’s fun, but she had to let her know how she felt.  “I hate this so much.  If I can’t find you by 9:30 I’m leaving you here.  I will steal your car if I have to.”             

“Look at me.”  Her friend grabbed her by the shoulders and dipped her head down so she could look Julie right in the eyes.  “Lighten the fuck up.  This isn't a pap smear. It’s just a party! You may actually have a good time.”  Julie sucked in a large breath.  A pap smear would be awkward and uncomfortable but not nearly this mortifying.  Here Nikki was looking beautiful and sexy as always, carefree and comfortable and Julie looked like she was going to buy Lean Cuisine and Maxi Pads.  She didn't have sweatpants on, but she had made no effort.  She didn't want anyone getting the wrong idea.  Suddenly her jeans and zip-up hoodie made her feel prickly.

Maybe she should have switched out her tennis shoes for some heels, or at least some cute flats.  And maybe instead of her hoodie she should have thrown a cardigan over her shoulders instead.  And maybe she could do with a little lip gloss herself.  Maybe there would be people here she could get to know.  Maybe people that knew her store.  Maybe it wouldn't be that bad.  She was trying to think positively, but negative thoughts quickly approached her mind.  Maybe people here would know her and would think she's some slob with tangled hair and no style. 

As they could hear someone’s footsteps on the door, Julie mumbled and prayed, “Maybe we have the wrong house.”  The door opened and a man in his 40s with a beard and a beer belly opened the door.  He was well dressed, but didn’t have on shoes.  He looked vaguely familiar, but Julie couldn't place it.   The Black Keys were blaring from some stereo and there were people everywhere, laughing and talking.  Julie really did hope this was the wrong house!

The man said, “Hello ladies.  I’m Calvin. Welcome.”

“Hi Calvin, we were invited by John and Justin,” Nik said with a smile.  Julie just sulked after her as they entered the foyer that stepped down into a spacious den with a large entertainment system and a couple couches and chairs—all occupied. 

“Oh yes!  The redhead and the writer!”  Julie's shoulders slumped even further.  Great, they probably blabbed to everyone here what she wrote.  They probably all thought she was some sex addict.  Why did she suddenly care so much about what other people thought?  It must have been the day; the day had been sucky from the moment she got out of her bed and stepped on her shoes and almost broke her neck.  Then she had to work with Dave and all Dave wanted to talk about was how amazing Nietzsche was.  She kept telling him it would wear off, but the Junior in Lit Theory wouldn't hear it.   The man in front of them touched his chest and said, “I’m their roommate.  Well, for a little while anyway!  Come on in and enjoy yourselves. I’m sure they are here somewhere.”

As Calvin left them alone, Julie tugged on Nik’s shirt and looked up at her saying through her teeth.  “If this is a weird orgy party like in Eyes Wide Shut, I will be the one doing ax murdering tonight.”

“Just call it fodder for your stories.”  Nik waved her off.

“Hey! You made it!”  Julie looked up to see John put his arm around Nik's neck.  He looked relaxed and happy and comfortable.  Julie now finally got to really look at him and realized he was an incredibly attractive man.  No wonder Nik did nothing but talk about him.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, tanned and muscular.  He was a Ken doll but without the plastic weirdness.  Nik was beaming as he kept his arm around her and motioned to his house with his free arm.  “See…normal house party, no axes, no murders, no creepy twins…”

“Didn’t know you had a roommate,” Nik stated.  It was a perfectly normal statement, but the way she said it was pure flirtation.

Julie looked around, seeing if there were any familiar faces.  She didn't recognize anyone.  Even though she felt like she may have seen Calvin before.  She was trying to picture him without a beard, but was having a hard time doing so. Everyone looked cool and hip and relaxed that was in the room.  A couple dudes with hipster beards and glasses, a few effortlessly sexy women who looked like they drank from the same water as Nik.  Almost everyone had a beer in their hand and everyone was talking intensely or laughing easily and having the best time.  This was not Julie's crowd.  Julie didn't have a crowd. 

“Yeah, I bought the house from him and let him stay for a while before he moves.  Calvin knows everyone.  If you talk to him long enough he may even know you—I’m sure he knows your store.”  Julie saw that John was now looking at her.  She forced a smile back at him.  “He’s moving to Charlotte next Wednesday, so this is like goodbye for him and welcome for us. Justin’s out back grilling burgers. Beer and other booze is in the kitchen.”  He motioned to another part of the house, off the backside of the den.  “Just make yourselves at home!  Want me to show you around?”

The question was directed at Nik, and only Nik.  Before she knew it, before she could ask in a childish way 'can I come', Julie was left alone, standing in the foyer like a dumb ass with no one around her, no one looking at her, no one caring.

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just stand here by myself like a weirdo.”  She sighed and moved over to a patch of wall where no one was hanging out.  She pulled out her cell phone and thought about texting Blake, but if he really was out on a date, she didn’t want to bother him.  He had been single for a while and had been really interested in this guy, Rob, who was a sculptor.  It sounded incredibly sexy and she hoped that that's who he was on a date with and that it was dreamy and wonderful.  To pass time and force her mind off her current situation, she checked her email—nothing.  Checked social media—nothing worth happening.  Checked the weather—nothing abnormal.  Finally, she decided to play this new app she had downloaded the other day that was exactly like the old Nintendo version of Tetris.  It was her go-to recently when waiting in line at the grocery store.  It was funny to her, she had often got in playful arguments with Blake and Nik about how the world was turning into smart phone junkies and had better relationships with their devices than with people, but in this moment she was so thankful for her little rectangle.

She was looking down, had been playing for a few seconds and was about to slide the long thin piece against the side and banish all her little blocks when she could smell that cologne again.  Light and soft.  He had to be close.  She wasn’t going to look up, but tensed when his shoulder pressed into hers and he leaned on the wall exactly beside her.       

“And look who it is…”  She glanced up at his smirk.  He was wearing an apron that said “Grill Master” with flames coming out of the words over his plaid green shirt.  He looked absolutely ridiculous with a greasy spatula in one hand and a beer in the other.

“Oh hey,” she tried to make herself sound as uninterested as possible.

“So, I have even more questions that need answers.”

She grumbled. “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“You’re playing Tetris.” 

“It’s important.  The Cold War depends on it.”

“You need a drink.  How long you been here, you look miserable.”  He took a long sip of his beer and raised an eyebrow at her, the one with the scar, “Missing me?”

She let her hand drop heavily, still holding her phone and gave him a bored look.  “I’ve been here about one minute and 30 seconds and yes, I’m miserable and no I do not want a drink because you may try to slip me something.”

He bit his lip at her. “You’d like that, huh?”

“Ok, gross!”  She pushed him where he was getting a little too close to her.  “That's disgusting!”  She must have said it a little louder than she had planned because a couple people near them gave her a crazy look.  She really was feeling miserable now.

“Whoa, psycho much?”

“Kind of,” she grumbled and walked away from him to the kitchen, hoping he’d take the hint to leave her alone.  But he didn’t, he just followed her. 

“What if you go get us a beer from the fridge and meet me on the deck?  That way if you want to slip me something you can.”  He wiggled his eyebrows at her and bit his bottom lip at her again.

She turned on her heels and stared right at him.  Hard.  “You think it’s funny to joke about date rape?” 

It was silent.  The only sounds were from the music and the conversations in the other room.  There were three other people in the kitchen at the time, but two of them were clearly a couple, or about to be, and were whispering to each other, leaning into each other against the kitchen counter, and the other person was so wrapped up in texting on their phone they didn't notice anyone else.

Finally he said softly, “No, I’m sorry.”  He lifted his arms, still holding on to his items in a surrender mode.  “Just lighten up.”  He finished his beer, and placed it on the counter with a million other empty beer bottles, then opened the fridge to pull another one from it.  The fridge was stocked with beer and a few bottles of wine.  Somehow he managed to produce a platter of raw burger patties from all the bottles stuffed in there. Normally, she would offer to help him since he did have several things balanced in his hands, but she was too pissed off to be nice at this point. 

And then he just walked on out of the room without another word.  He was just going to leave it at that?  She needed to make sure he got a piece of her mind so she followed him out the sliding French doors in the kitchen onto a small deck.  No one else was out there but him.  She stared at his back as he opened a grill and checked a thermometer that was on the side of it.  She turned to make the sliding door slam shut, to make her presence known, but it was on some sort of hydraulic system that made it shut softly on its own. 

Was he just going to ignore her!? 

She couldn't handle it.

“And you think that because I write these stories that I’m a pervert or a nympho?  Well, I’m not so get over it!”

And just like that he was back interested.

“So, then how do you write this stuff?”  He closed the lid back on the grill and plopped down into a camping chair that had been unfolded near the grill.  He tilted his head at her.  He was enjoying this, her attitude and her exasperation.  How could he be enjoying it? It was so annoying! His phone was on the railing of the deck and was playing Al Green.  Al Green?  Really?  Al Green was awesome, but it wouldn’t work on her.  She wasn’t easy, dammit!  You couldn't just play some sexy song and get her pants off. Men were stupid!

“Nikki should have never told you that I’m a writer.”  She sighed and walked over to lean against the old wooden railing.   She pressed her elbows into the railing and rubbed her face in her hands, letting out a huge sigh.  “She should have known this would happen.”

“What would happen?  That’d I’d be intrigued?  Interested in getting to know you?  Turned on even?”

She looked over her shoulder at him and ignored his cute smile and his flirty tone.  “She thinks I need a date or something, so she finds a cute guy and pushes him my way.”

“So you do think I’m cute…”  He sat up a little bit in his chair, grinning.

“No…”  She waved her hand and saw another folding camping chair leaning in the corner of the deck by the house.  She unfolded it, tilting it over to let some water fall out of it. “You are just like every other guy out there.  You only care about getting off.  You probably didn’t even read the book last night, just skimmed for the sex parts.  It’s like…”  She wiped her hand on the seat to help dry it a little and then plopped down across from him, crossing her legs and her arms.  She was now thankful for her hoodie.  It had chilled off from the heat wave the past week.  “It's like that's all that matters to you.”

“Look, you are the one that wrote it.  And it was a good story, I read every word of it last night.  You didn’t have to put the sex scenes in there.”

“They aren't se-“ She uncrossed her body and leaned forwarded a little, hushing her tone.  They were alone out there, but she didn’t want the rest of the world hearing their conversation.  “...they are not sex scenes.  They are love scenes, and it’s supposed to be about these two people finally giving into one another after years of heartache.  It’s not about getting off, it was about redemption and renewal!”

“Yeah, ok I get that.  I’m not completely a dick head, but you had lines like….” He lifted half of his body and reached behind him to pull the small book out of his back jean pocket. 

Julie was shocked at the state of the book.  It looked like a book that had been reread 20 times or more and opened often.  It was completely marked up.  Little post-its were sticking out all over it and it was dog-eared and worn.  It looked like books that people in the coffee shop would sit and poor over while drinking cup after cup of coffee, pencil behind the ear, mouth moving just slightly with words, circling, nodding, underlining, tabbing with post-its.  Professors, students, book worms did this. Not this dude.  And he had only had it for two days!!

“Oh my God, what did you do to it!?”

He raised his eyes at her and then harrumphed before flipping to a page he had put a large post it in.  He read out loud, softly and she listened, ignoring the way he purposefully groaned out particular words, “He held her and fucked her.  Gripping flesh and pushing in all that was good about them, and pulling out all the bad.  Leaving it there in the room, in the air, panting out all that they needed from each other and all that they had hurt.  She bit at his shoulder and clawed at his spine.  If no one knew better, they'd think that she hated it.  But she loved it.  She needed it.  Craved it.  And when she came against him, squeezing him and exploding into ripples of pleasure—“ He snapped the book closed and stared right at her, blue eyes pouring into her green ones.  “I mean, do I have to go on?”

She rolled her eyes as he slid the book back in his back pocket.   Clearly, he had never picked up a romance novel before. “But do you even get that sex is a metaphor?  It’s not about getting off.”

“I don’t mean to be mean, but you write porn…”  He stopped when she opened her mouth in protest and put up his hand to stop her from interrupting him. “Or excuse me, erotic fiction.  Isn’t the point to titillate and sell?  Isn’t that what you did yesterday, flirt a little and sell me a book?”

“I didn’t flirt!”

He didn’t look at her.  He stood up and pulled off the plastic wrap from the burger platter.   He balled it up in his hand and threw it into a small trash can on the deck. “Whatever, but you sold me a $20 dollar paperback book that was only 100 pages!  I’ve read before, I know that’s kind of a rip off.  Shouldn’t cost more than ten, chick!”  He began to move the raw burgers from the platter to the grill with his used spatula.

“It was independently published, those are always more expensive. Aren’t you worried about cross contamination?” She was purposefully being critical about everything. 

He shrugged. “I ground the meat myself a couple hours ago.  So no, I’m not.  I do this all the time.  You need to chill.”  He pointed the spatula at her.

“Where’s the damn alcohol?”  She stood up.  She couldn’t just sit there and talk to him anymore.  It was excruciating.

“I’m not trying to make you mad; I’m trying to figure out your brain because it’s fascinating to me.”  He plopped back down in the chair, looking at his watch for a moment, leaving the grill cover open this time.

“Fascinating?”  That was a new one.  No one had ever called her that before.  A nerd, yes. Crazy, yes.  A prude, yes.  A tease, all the time.  But never fascinating. She sat back down in her chair.

“Yeah!  I mean, you write this stuff, and yeah ok, it’s good writing and it’s got a plot and I’m not an idiot!  I can see beyond the sex that it’s about two people coming to terms with themselves and their relationship, but at the end of the day it’s sexy and it’s fucking hot!  And you teased the shit out of me the other day playing hard to get, and then you come in here all cold and all ‘it’s more than just sex, ya know?'  Well then, my question is why even include it?  Why not go ‘dot dot dot’ like most other books?”

She was quiet for a moment.  “Ya wanna know why?”

“Yes!  Please! I’m dying here!”  He smiled triumphantly. 

Julie didn't know why but she was about to let it all out on this guy.  She didn't know why she had to explain herself, why she was going to open up to him about this, but she was.  Maybe because for the first time in a long time, she had someone in front of her whose opinion mattered.  She didn't want him physically or anything, but she really didn't want him thinking the wrong thing about her.  For some unknown reason, she really wanted this Justin guy to understand her. Maybe it wasn't him; maybe she was just looking for anyone to understand her.  He was just first in line, maybe the only one in line.

She chewed on her lip and said quietly, “Cause this is the only thing in life I’ve ever been good at.  You think I haven’t tried publishing books without sex?”  She shook her head and relaxed back into her chair.  “I have for the past twelve years.  I love to write.  It's what I'm passionate about and the one thing I'm good at.   But nothing I've written had ever been picked up by a publisher, or even some silly local thing.  Nothing.  Then, about five years ago, I decided to send out a story to a publisher that I just had fun writing.  I heard you could make ok money in the erotic fiction world.  I was short on cash.  The story was nothing but sex, had very little plot and it got published and it was a success.  A really big success. You ever heard of the Garden of Eden series? It was really popular several years ago?”

“Yeah, maybe.”  He was thinking, forehead furrowed, trying to remember.  “Isn't that a movie? I think my girlfriend at the time was obsessed with that.”

Julie nodded.  They had made a movie.  It was horrendous and was panned and she was glad that her real name was never associated with it.  But signing over the movie rights let her be financially stable and let her buy the book shop and let her write, really write whatever she wanted without having to hope that a publishing deal would make sure she could have rent the next month.  It got her name out there and other romantic and erotic publishing companies contacted her daily asking her to submit a proposal.  She was want for nothing. 

“Based off the novel by J. B. Hann.” 

“But, I thought your name was Julie?”  She laughed a little.  He clearly hadn’t even looked at the title page and the author’s name of the book he had read.

“Julie Elizabeth Hancock.”

He smiled a little, “Pen name, eh?”

“And even with that success I can’t get a damn non-erotic book published, so I have to try to make even my erotic books about something more so I don’t feel like a typing whore.”   She actually felt better now.  Maybe he would understand her for more than just a person who wrote sex stories.  Maybe he’d be interested in more than just that aspect of her life.

“So you’re rich?”

Or he was just shallow.

“Nice,” she grumbled.

He shrugged.  “Just asking!”

“I’m doing well thank you.”

“Yeah you are…”  He obviously checked out her figure.  She just glared at him and he laughed, checking his watch before standing up and flipping the burgers on the grill.  “Oh come on, you have to give me something! I’m sorry you feel this way, but you gotta understand why I'm intrigued.  You have gotta be a pretty cool girl to be so ballsy to write something like this!”  He tapped his rear pocket where the book was.

That was a compliment she would take.  He was right!  She was brave.  She hid behind a pen name, but she would take it!

“I don’t normally tell people I write this stuff, most people just think I own the book store.  Nikki sometimes blabs when she thinks it will sell a book.  Or when she thinks I need a date.  She just doesn’t get it that the one thing I don’t want a guy to be interested in me for is that writing.” She looked up at him and he looked down at her, standing up beside the grill. “Like right now, I’ll admit it—you’re a nice looking guy Justin! You got that whole 'a little bit cocky but totally harmless' thing going on and your kind of the silly guy next door.  A lot of girls love that...”  He was grinning and his face seemed to glow at the compliment.  But, his face fell at her next words.  “But I can’t stand it, cause I know all you can think about is where do I get my sex ideas and if I’m that crazy in real life.   That’s J. B. Hann!  What about Jules?  What about all the other stuff in my life that’s more important than that!  What if you had just come in and said hi and we had hit it off and you didn’t know a thing about my writing and success?  That…”  He looked away from her, frowning.  She frowned as well.  “That would have been nice, we could have been friends.  But it’s too late.”  He kept his back turned towards her and was silent. 

She had hurt his feelings, or made him feel horrible, and normally she would have relished in this moment.  She had pushed him away and that was a good thing.  But now, for some reason, she felt bad about it. “Sorry, just…I’m just tired.”

“It’s ok.  Sorry to be just a typical guy.”  She saw his shoulders shrug.  He sounded distant and sad.

Who was she turning into?  Was she really a mean person? No!  She was silly Jules, dorky and kind!  This wasn't her.  There was a better way to tell him she wasn't going to sleep with him than just being a bitch. She had to apologize. “I shouldn’t be this bitchy to you.  I'm just upset I had a shitty day and it topped off with me reading a review and it’s just pissed me off.”

Saying it out loud made her feel better.  Usually she didn't read reviews, only read what the publishers and editors told her.  She didn't even read fan mail.  She just let whatever publisher she was working with handle it.  She already had enough of people's opinions in her regular life; she didn't need it in her writing life.  But the review had been right there this morning in front of her at Java Jones.  Laying there open to the exact page while she sipped her cappuccino.   It was a late review for her newest book—the one Justin had read—but it was in the “Beach Read or Not?” list in the Life and Human Interest section of the paper.  Her book was on the 'not' list and her review was as pathetic as she felt that night.  It had read:  Come on ladies, we love a sizzling tale as much as the next person, but this was more like drizzle than sizzle. Breathless?  You mean Plotless? Hann suddenly had a conscience thinks we need a lesson with our sexy page turners. Skip it this summer!

“That sucks.” He turned back to face her and she was grateful because he seemed to have taken her apology, accepted it and moved on quickly, not wanting to linger on this any longer than she did.  “Yeah, I’m kind of down myself.  I didn’t get this job that I was trying to get.”

Perfect.  This was the golden opportunity for her to find out more about this guy, find out if there was more to him than what he had first given her.  She knew there was; she could see it in his face that he had a lot going on in his mind and this was the perfect opportunity to find out about it.  He seemed like he could be an interesting character to get some traits out of for one of her stories; she had even brought her little idea book in case something sparked her interest so she could write it down for later.  “How about this—let’s not talk about me and my stupid sex stories!  Let’s talk about you getting a job.”

He nodded and smiled.  “I’m telling you they aren’t stupid, they are hot and I might be buying the whole damn Eden series on Amazon tonight.  I used to make fun of Becky so much for reading them.  I was an idiot.”

He wasn’t taking the bait!  She was going to have to be explicit to him about what she wanted from him.  “Again, let’s not talk about my writing.  Can we try?  You are the only person I know here besides Nik and I don’t make friends easily.  Let’s talk about you and your brother.  So what are you guys doing here?”

“Well…”  Justin sighed.  He almost seemed a little annoyed or reluctant to open up, to answer her question.  His speech started out slow and calculated, but quickly he sped up and seemed to ramble.  “John, he got this job out here and I just finished up school so I figured I’d come here with him and get a job, too and we could be roommates and save up some money.   We could have stayed back home, John had a decent job there, but with Dad just passing it was kind of a good time for us to start over somewhere new.”

Suddenly and simultaneously, Julie felt intrigued, sympathetic, petty and a little nauseous.  Her ears rang. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok, girl,” he drawled and passed her a sad smile.  “He was really sick.”

“How long ago did this happen?”  She was hoping he’d say last year or something. 

“Two months tomorrow.”

She slumped her shoulders and immediately felt like a bitch.  Sure, she had a right to be mad at him for only being interested in her for one thing, but she could have been gentler about it.  She knew from the moment she saw him that there was more going on with him than just desire.   Now she knew.  It was grief.

“God, and here I am bitching about my writing.”

“That’s a big thing.”  The way he said it was genuine and honest and confident.  It made her realize that whatever was going on with this guy, and despite his obsessive intrigue with her writing, he may just be a little something special.  To be able to see other people’s dramas and problems and acknowledge them and think them credible, even when your own world was crumbling down was an honorable thing.  She looked around for a moment and in that instant she suddenly got it.  She suddenly understood him.

He was out here grilling burgers for everyone, alone.  He had moved here with his brother with no job security.  He had to be very self-less.  Selflessness was probably the trait Julie found most interesting, most admirable and most cherished about someone.  The only other person she knew that was truly that way was her Dad.

“Yeah, but it’s not family!  I wouldn’t know what I would do.  God Justin, I would not know what to do if I lost my Dad.  They'd have to put me in the loony bin.”

He grinned and tapped the book in his pocket.  “Does he know you write this?”

“No!”  Julie laughed.  “And I would pass out and die of a heart attack if he did.  So you guys moved here just to get away?”

“Well no, I don't know…it’s kind of a long story, I mean not really.”  He rambled again and decided to sit down in the chair. Julie was so enthralled.   The way he spoke, his tone of voice, the way he sometimes moved his hands when he talked.  Fascinating?  Her?  No, he should look at himself sometime. “Mom left when we were little and we see her every now and then but she’s got another family out in California.  Don’t get me wrong, she’s our mom, we love her but she was just really young when she had us and I don’t know.  Dad raised us so…”  Suddenly he shook his head and chuckled to himself.  “Anyway, sorry I tend to revert to the long version.  Bad habit.  Since mom's not really in the picture and we don't have any other family, we didn't really have a reason to stay back home.  Dad died and he left everything to us.  I mean, it kind of sucks because he worked so hard his whole life and gave us so much but all the medical shit is so expensive.  We got a lot, ya know, the house and the cars and some inheritance, but it’s just amazing what having cancer can do to your finances.  I honestly don't know why I'm talking about this. Or how we got on this subject.  I'm sorry.”

It was intense and he had completely rambled himself into a hole, but she felt her breath caught in her throat.  She couldn't imagine what all he had to go through.  Two months?  This was still fresh, this was still painful for him, and here he was trying to get in her pants?  He was probably just trying to forget for a moment.  “God almighty Justin…”

“It’s alright.”  He sucked in a deep breath and shrugged.  “So anyway, I used mine to pretty much pay off all my student loans and that didn't leave much else.  John was able to put a great down payment on this house because he loved it and is going to split the sale of the house back home with me.  He's an architect and loves big old houses like this.  But he wants to gut it and redo.  So I told him I’d move with him and help him redo the house, ‘cause I can be handy when I want to be and that I’d just find a job somewhere.  John's job here will allow him to move up more in his career and I guess I just wanted a new place, like you said.”  His eyes were watery, and when he stood up suddenly and started messing with the burgers on the grill, Julie knew he needed a new thing to talk about.

But the idea of his Dad just passing was hard to get off her mind.  She kept thinking about what it would be like, to bury your father at this age.  It happened all the time to people, sure, but it wasn't something she had ever really thought about.  She couldn't keep this up.  It had been too quiet for too long.  What else had he said?  What else could they talk about?  She rewound the conversation in her brain and looked for a nugget to pull out that wouldn't be about his Dad.  Student loans, he had said.  There, she'd ask him about that! “What did you get your degree in?”

“Business Management.  I’m such a boring person.”  He laughed and she was thankful for the smile that was back on his face when he turned and leaned a little on the grill, holding onto the spatula.  “Really Julie, so like, when I was 18 I was an idiot and did the whole go abroad thing, backpacked around Europe, smoked a lot of pot and wasted money, and when I came back Dad said I could either get a job or go to school.  I hated school so I worked at a Wendy’s. Became manager of a store.  But let me tell you something, smelling like fries and frosties for five years sucks.  I then went and was a bar tender for a while and really liked that, and was pretty good at it and made good money.  But then I finally was tired of working for other people and said, ‘hey, I’m going to go to college, dream big, get a business degree and open up my own business’.”

“What kind?”

“I didn’t care.  A hardware store, a smoothie shop, a sexy book store…”  He laughed and winked at her.    “So I took out some loans for tuition, kept bar tending for living cash, sometimes dad would help—he was just so glad I was going to school—‘cause ya know John by this point was in his architecture internship and was doing awesome and was the golden boy.  I was always the moron of the family.”  He laughed but there was sadness in his tone.  He was staring at the floor of the deck now.  “My final year dad got sick, so I took off a semester to help take care of him.  He wasn’t going to ask us and I didn’t want John to have to halt his career.  So I just kind of volunteered.”

She was right.  He was selfless.  Completely.  “That’s really awesome of you.”

“It’s my dad, of course I would do that, ya know?  Anyway, when we found out it was terminal, he told me to stop playing nurse and finish, that he wanted to see me graduate before he died.  So I did it, I busted my tail and finished in December.”

“Did he get to?”

“Yeah, yeah he did.  I mean he was too sick to come to the graduation but John taped it for him, mom even came out so that was nice.  Even though, I'm pretty sure it was her goodbye visit and didn't have a thing to do with me graduating.  But I hung my degree for him in his room to look at.  I don’t know why it meant so much to him… but it did.”

“He sounds like a pretty amazing person.”

“Yeah, yeah he was.”  It was heavy, really heavy.  The air was thick with emotion.   He was breathing hard and Julie dared not look at his face in case he really was crying.  Where the hell had this conversation lead to?

“Well…”  She cleared her throat and tried to clear the air with it.  “If I had known me getting mad about my sex stories would lead to you now being upset about your Dad, I would have just not gotten mad and tried to be pleasant and normal.”

She meant it as a joke, but he responded very seriously.  “I’m glad you did.  I don’t get to talk about it much.  John won’t talk about it—hasn't talked about it.  He’s going to flip one day and it won’t be pretty.  I guess me having to take care of Dad like, I’ve already made peace with it—I had to.  So it’s nice to be able to ramble about it and not have to worry about anyone else's emotional state.  Though, I am sorry.  This is probably not your idea of a fun night.”  He smiled at her.

“Surprisingly it is.  Being a writer I feed off other people’s life stories.”

“Mine’s kind of boring.”  He shrugged and began to move the burgers off of the grill and back onto the platter.  She didn't mention cross contamination this time.

“It’s fascinating,” she said softly.

If he heard her, he chose not to acknowledge her comment.  “Wanna burger?  Got fixin's in the kitchen.”

“Nah, I ate with the grannies at 4:30 this afternoon.  I get hungry quickly.”

“Yeah, I ate a burger off the first batch.  This is the second.  Hey John!”  Julie looked up and saw John talking with someone in the kitchen.  Nik's back was to her, still right beside John.  “Take these in, will you?”  He yelled through the glass door at his brother.

A thought came to Julie that she needed to help this guy.  She was over the whole porn writing fascination and was on to helping him get settled here.  The normal Julie was back, the dork that helped people and was kind.  She needed to reappear for both their emotional states.

“Hey...”  She stood up and looked up at him.  He just eyed her, she was close now.  “I know a couple other business owners around town—we’ve got a little local shop association.  I’ll put in a word and see if anyone is looking for a manager.  I know you want to own your own, but you can’t go back to Wendy’s.”

“That’d mean a lot.  Even though you don’t know anything about me.”  He mocked her tone and she laughed with him.

“You managed a Wendy’s for five years, that means something!”

“For three years, the other two I was a line cook, then a sales associate, then a shift leader, then a team leader, then a night manger, then a day manager, then I became a general manager.”

She smiled wide.  “The American Dream.  Here, hand me your book…”  She put her palm out and he placed it cautiously on her hand.  She immediately was enthralled with all the pieces of paper and little illegible pencil notes on everything.  “Dang, you studied this like it was on a test….”

“It’s really good.  Ya know, for porn!”

“Ass...” She smacked his chest with the book and pulled a pen from her own back pocket where her small idea book was hidden.  She scribbled her email address under where she had hastily signed his copy of the book.  “That’s my email.  Send me your resume and I’ll see if I can get you a job.  You can always come work for me.  I have the hardest time getting anyone to work weekends.  Besides Nikki, I have two college kids and they like to have their weekends, too.  So, you'd maybe get in about eight hours a week and I could probably pay you like nine bucks an hour, since you have retail-ish experience.  Sounds great, huh?!”  She laughed sarcastically at him.

“Thanks, but uh, that sounds horrible.  Especially if I’d be by myself!” She was only half listening to him.  She was flipping through the book. “What are you looking at?”

“You actually wrote notes?”

The book was snatched from her hands.  “This is my property, thank you.  And I thought maybe you were into me and just doing that hard to get thing.  I thought maybe we could have a little discussion about some of these things.  You did write ‘the game has just begun’ when you signed it.  I thought it would be fun to play the game, reenact some stuff…”  Her eyes widened and he leaned down.  He was close again and he was smiling.  “But I was clearly misled.”

As soon as he said it, Julie felt warm.  It happened whenever a good idea came her way.  She plucked her little book from her back pocket and furiously started scribbling a few words and notes.

“What are you writing?”

She didn't stop writing.  “That’s a good idea: reenacting.”  She glanced up at him and smiled devilishly. “Mind if I steal it?”

His eyes widened and he asked in a hushed tone, “Are you going to write a story about that?”

She shrugged and snapped her book closed and slipped it back in her pocket. “We’ll see.”

“Well, then I should get proceeds or a first edition or something.”

She almost opened her mouth to say something in reply but John and Nik stumbled out onto the deck.  Justin exclaimed, “'Bout time, they are probably cold now!” and Nik walked over to Julie and hugged her tightly, putting a lot of weight into her as she kept her arm around her much shorter friend.

“Soooo….”  Nik said.

Julie replied to her, “Soooo, you’ve been doing shots.”

Nik gasped with a smile. “How do you know?”                  

She laughed at her friend and shook her head.  “It’s the only way you could be this tipsy in this short of time.  You having fun?”

Nik hissed out eagerly, “Yesss!  Are you?”

“It’s not bad.”

“Ya know it’s 9:30,” Nik dangled her keys at Julie.  Julie quickly snatched them so she wouldn't have to pry them from her drunk friend's fingers later.  “You still want to steal my car?  I could probably get a ride.”

“9:30?  You’re leaving?”  Nik and Julie both looked up.  Justin was standing there.  His apron was now off and he just had his beer in his hand.  John was back inside with the burgers.

“Yeah, she didn’t want to come, so she was just going to make an appearance and leave soon.”  For all Nik's pushing to make Julie come here, Julie was actually proud of her friend for giving her an out if she needed it.  But she didn't need it.

“No, you may need a ride.  So, I’ll stay.”

Nik's eyes traveled from Julie's face to Justin's who was now checking his phone.  Al Green had gone off long ago, but Julie kind of wished there was some music or something because it was awkwardly quiet for a moment.  

“Ohh ho ho!”  Nik grinned at Julie and said, “So you’re taking my advice, I like it.”

“What advice?” Justin asked.

“To stay here and get to know a friend, maybe get friend time later with him.”  Julie's eyes met Justin's and she quickly grabbed her friend's hands and laughed.

“Stop drunkard. Tell me about your night. Have you met people?”

Nik's eyes gleamed and she shouted.  “YES! So Calvin, that guy!  He apparently bartends at Jake’s.”

Julie nodded.  “Oh yeah, I thought he looked familiar.”

“He also knows Blake, like knows Blake.”  Nik's eyes widened as she mumbled the last part.   That means Blake has dated him and Nik probably knows dirt on the guy.

“Ohhhh, I’ll have to text him now.”  Julie pulled out her phone.

“Who’s Blake?” Justin asked.

“Her boyfriend,” Nik laughed and rolled her eyes.

Justin eyes caught Julie's gaze again and he said it slowly, “You told me you were single.”

Julie shrugged.  “He’s my pretend boyfriend, her brother.  Nik says he'd be my boyfriend if he happened to like girls, but he doesn’t, so it's my loss.”

“Whew, got me worried….”  Justin passed her a half grin and went back to his phone.

Julie decided not to bother Blake with the news and just call him and tell him later so she could get details about Calvin and about his current date.  “Worried about what?”

“You not being single…”

Nik was suddenly pulling on Justin's arm, leaning into him and smiling and whining.  “Please date her! She needs a boyfriend so bad and really needs to get laid if you know what I mean…”

That was it.  Julie grabbed Nik's arm and pulled her away, back into the house.  “Oh kay, drunkard!  Let’s go find you a glass of water.”

“We got bottles in the fridge,” Justin called to them.  Julie dared not look back.

“Please keep your drunkies to yourself,” she mumbled to her friend.

“You look like you are having a good time.”  Nik kept her arm around Julie's shoulders and pushed her cheek against her friends in some weird drunken affection.

“It’s been interesting, that's for sure!”  Julie pulled her through the kitchen where some people were making and eating burgers.  John and Calvin were at the kitchen table talking to some other people.

“Did you yell at him or get all high and mighty?”

“No, I mean…maybe…”  Julie opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water and held it in her hand.  She looked around a little and then said in a hushed tone, “but did you know their Dad just died?”

“What?”  Nik's eyes widened.

“Yeah.  Don’t say anything to John. From what I gather it’s really fresh.”  The excitement that had been in Nik's eyes the past few minutes was gone. She looked worried and pulled at her lip nervously. 

In an effort to forget the news she just heard she sucked in a deep breath and smiled again at her friend. “So, speaking of…”

Julie tilted her head, eyes squinted.  “Did you hook up with him already?”

“No, but there have been kisses.”  Nik pressed her lips shut tight so she wouldn't giggle.

“He got you drunk.  Typical.”

Nik scoffed and put a hand on her hip. “I got myself drunk and he’s fine and I might be a slut tonight.  Mother, don’t worry, I have condoms and I’ll tell you all about it so you can use it for inspiration.”

Julie passed her a bored look. “So you don’t need a ride home?”

“Probably not.  I'll just get the car from you tomorrow.”  Nik was looking over the other side of the kitchen now, biting her lip some more as she watched John walk over to them. 

“Be careful.  And drink all of this please before you have any more alcohol.”  Julie forced the bottle in Nik's hand just as John walked over to them, easily slipping his arm around Nik's waist and pulling her into his side.

“She’s such a mom!  Watch out or she’ll give you the ‘don’t hurt her’ speech.”

“I’m staying out of it,” he laughed.  Julie dipped back into the fridge to get herself a beer.

“Is that a beer?”  Nik exclaimed in amazement before hugging her friend. “You’re having drinks!  YAY!  You’re having fun!!!”

“See what I have to put up with?”  Julie looked at John over her friend's shoulder.

“Shut up, you'd be miserable without me!”

John smiled back at Nik and bit his lip at her, staring right into her face.  Julie stopped looking at them.  Both of their oral fixations were getting out of hand. 

“Wanna see the how the layout will be?”  Nik nodded and Julie smelled the cologne again and looked to her left where Justin was opening up a beer beside her. He opened hers as well and smiled when his brother winked at him.  Julie notice and called him out on it.

“What's that?’

“What?”  He took a long swallow from his bottle.

“That wink and look?”

He set the beer on the counter.  “He’s going to show her the designs for the remodel of the house.  And they’re in his bed room.”  He began to smile at her.