He must think I’m such a dork.
She laughs and her cheeks warm slightly as she reaches into a drawer to pull out a cutting board and a knife. “Maybe.” She smirks back at him, grabs a tomato and starts to slice it up, “My mom sort of left my room as it was after I moved out.” She watches him as he leans back against the sink and crosses his arms with an amused look on his face. “Though don’t flatter yourself too much, there are probably also posters of 5ive and BSB in there too…”
It's his turn to laugh and he shakes his head, “So I wasn’t your only crush then? You already told me you were a Brian Littrell fan, who was your favorite in 5ive?”
“Abs. Although he’s gotten too weird for me, he spells his name with a ‘z’ now and speaks in a Jamaican accent…” She shakes her head, “Plus, now I’m banging the hottest and most talented one out of all of them so…”
JC grins and reaches up to grab a large bowl from an upper cabinet and places it in front of her on the island. He leans forward and pecks her lips gently, “That you are.” He whispers before he claps his hands together and says, “What can I do? Want me to start cutting some cucumber?”
“Actually no, you’re already a pro at cutting stuff. You’re the one who’s going to cook tonight.”
Her words are met with a hint of hesitation and a small smile from him, “Are you sure you want to risk that?”
She nods and smiles, pointing out all the different ingredients she had previously laid out on the counter near the stove. “I printed a recipe there, all the ingredients are on the counter and I’m here if you have any questions.”
He bites his lower lip for a moment and nods; he seems to straighten his back before he turns toward the stove and slides his index finger over the recipe. She watches him as he gets to work, he is quiet and each action is measured and done with concentration. She smiles as she sees him intensely staring at a measuring cup as he pours an ingredient into it, making absolutely sure to have exact measurements. She keeps making their salad as he continues to work, asking her only a few questions as he goes. Just like everything in his life, he seems to do everything with measured and thought out actions. After she finishes with the salad, she opens a bottle of wine and pours them both a glass.
“Here. That smells great, you’re doing awesome babe.” She smiles as she hands him a glass and leans over to give him a kiss.
He seems to come out of a zone and smiles back as he accepts the glass of wine and returns her kiss. “Thanks. The recipe is really simple, I would have thought Alfredo sauce was harder to make.” He shrugs and stirs the sauce once more before he sets the wooden spoon in the holder. “I like that you’re not hovering over me but letting me sort of work it out on my own. I can ask questions if I’m unsure, but I don’t feel like you’re…judging me.” He chuckles and takes a sip from his wine as he leans back against the sink and reaches forward to pull her against him.
She willingly moves into his embrace and presses herself against him gently, relaxing against his chest as they sip their wine and wait for their dinner to finish cooking.
“I told you, cooking isn’t that hard. You sort of just have to go for it, if you mess up then you order take-out.” She laughs and shrugs. She feels the rumble of laughter against her chest and she smiles again, her eyes meet his and although she gazes at him, her mind takes her elsewhere.
I love you.
She is caught slightly off guard by the bold statement that seems to want to bubble out of her lips but isn’t surprised to find it there. Her feelings for him have been growing exponentially with every passing day they spend together or apart. It’s the way he looks at her when they talk, like she’s the only person in the world he wants to pay attention to. It’s the way he reaches over and gently takes her hand or casually rests his palm on her thigh when they are driving. It’s the way he always makes sure she is comfortable when they are watching a movie, getting her blankets or pillows or a shoulder to cuddle up to. The way he hums familiar and unfamiliar tunes without noticing he’s doing it. The way his laugh bursts out straight from his heart.
The way he is looking at her now.
”Josh, I..”
Oh my god…
He is looking at her questioningly and she starts to panic. Does he feel the same way? Would he be freaked out if she says it first? Is it going to accidentally slip out one day like it almost just did?
She doesn’t know. She had always waited for the guy to say it first in previous relationships.
So, she chickens out.
“I think the pasta is ready.” She covers and pulls away from him to turn off the stove. She can tell that he hasn’t moved and she can feel his eyes burning a hole into the back of her head. Without thinking she reaches forward and grasps the handles of the boiling pot of water.
“Ouch! Fuck!” She gasps and pulls her hands back quickly. Tears sting her eyes as she looks down at her reddened fingertips. She hears him move and then the sound of the water tap turned on full blast.
“C’mere, honey.” He says quickly and feels him grasp her wrists before he pulls her toward the sink and places her fingertips under the cold running water.
“I’m such a dumbass…” She groans as she lets her hot fingertips get cooled by the cold water coming out of the faucet.
About everything.
*********************************************************
JC holds her wrists to keep her hands under the water and leans forward to whisper into her ear, “No you’re not.”
He’d been sure moments earlier that she was going to tell him that she loves him. Had he imagined it? Was he just wishing it into reality? She’d been looking at him with that soft look in her eyes and a smile had tugged at her lips. She had seemed to not be looking at him, but through him for a moment as she’d seemed to be mulling something over in her mind. As she’d started to speak, her smile had faded and he’d seen slight panic in her eyes.
I love you too, honey.
It is on the tip of his tongue but he is holding back. This isn’t the first time that he’s fallen in love with a girl and as he’d come to realize when he falls he falls hard. He’s also fallen prey to that instinct of his before, as he tends to want to make things more serious, more quickly and has no problem showing or articulating the way he feels about a woman. Maybe it is the song writer in him that comes out so strongly in those cases. He doesn’t know, but after the last few failed relationships he’s tried to reign some of that in and let the girl express her feelings first so that he wouldn't come off too strongly.
“I’m okay.” He hears her say quietly and feels her pull her hands from his grasp. She takes her hands out of the water and turns off the tap. “Thanks.”
He nods quietly and watches her as she wipes her hands on a towel and grabs another one to reach for the pot again. “I’ll do that.” He says quickly and takes the towels from her and takes the boiling pot to the sink to pour out the water and drain the pasta. “Right into the sauce right?” He asks and when she nods, he pours the steaming pasta into the rich sauce bubbling in a different pan. He can feel that the air around them seems to have dropped a few degrees and the silence for once feels uncomfortable. He uses tongs to mix the pasta and sauce. His mind drifts to the words he finished this morning:
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my lady
I was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your arms
Oh no
My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet
And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now
He shakes his head, grabs a large bowl from a cupboard and slides the finished pasta into it. He walks it over to the table and places it in the center, next to the bowl of salad she has just placed there and takes a seat. They serve themselves and sip on wine as they try to make the conversation flow once more before their earlier… moment.
“So um yeah, I was actually going to mention to you that my family was coming for a visit in 2 weeks. They’ll be staying at my place and I was hoping to have a sort of BBQ and pool party for them with a few friends. My niece and nephew don’t get to come visit that often, so I like to show them a good time when they’re here.”
Ari smiles and nods, “Yeah, that’s a great idea! I’m sure they’ll really like that. How old are they?”
“Jackson is 5 and Liv is 2 and a half.”
“They’re Heather’s kids right?” She asks, sipping her wine.
He nods and wipes his lips with a napkin, “Yeah. Tyler doesn’t have any yet. Mom and Dad are spoiling those kids rotten.”
“I’m sure Uncle Josh is a scrooge though right?” She giggles and rolls her eyes.
“I don’t get to see them that often! I have to do something for them to like me!” He exclaims with a smirk then shrugs, “So anyway, I was wondering if you’d help me out? Just get things ready, help me with the food and stuff?”
She grins and nods quickly, “Absolutely, it would be my pleasure.”
“So,” He reaches for her and pulls her up on her feet. She lets him pull her down into his lap and he wraps his arms around her, “I guess you’ll be meeting my family first.”
He watches as she bites her full lower lip and nods, her eyes meeting his. “Now, about the uncomfortable silence earlier…” He adds quietly, his lips forming a small smile.
Just do it, Chasez.
He leans forward and presses his lips to hers, kissing her gently for a moment before he pulls back. “How about…we say it at the same time?” He whispers against her lips. Blue meets blue again and she nods slowly, he licks his lower lip and they both take in small breath before both voices quietly echo “I love you.”
