I race to her house, praying to God for her forgiveness. She's been there for me and this proves how short I've fallen to do the same for her in the past few months. We have been attached by the hip since day one, but I've been the one not being fair. She's ben open and all in what we have from the beginning while guarding her beaten, battered and severely bruised heart. I wouldn't blame Nick for being mad at me right now; I just hurt her pretty bad. I hope she isn't so mad at me that she won't talk to me directly.  

I love her because I believe she loves me, even if we can't say it. She's just as guarded about her heart as I am and I can't say that she's at fault. She's had a hard life, but I had a few hard times, and I know damn well that mine can't even begin to come close to hers.  She's my world and I can't even deny her and her children mean more to me than I would admit to. She deserves a break. She keeps so busy, so much so that she has close to no time to herself or to think. 

I stop at a store to pick up something I know she collects and drive the last five minutes to her place, having time to spare. I grab the item from the passenger seat and place it behind my back on my way to her front door. I suck in a breath and knock on the door to her second floor apartment of the complex she recently moved into. "Who?" Lance questions. 

"It's me, Pez." 

He unlocks and opens the door. "Where is she?" I quietly ask. 

"In her room, getting dressed." 

"Is she still mad?" 

He scoffs. "If that's what you call it." He opens the door wider and I enter. I sit on the couch and hold the small present in my lap, sitting upright. "In the few months I've known and talked to her, she hasn't been this upset with you." 

"This is the first time that I've pushed her buttons this much and I can't even act mad. I'm actually disappointed in myself." 

I feel her eyes on me and slowly getting up, my eyes following behind the rest of my body. "I think I should head home." 

"Not yet, please; I want you to hear this," she requests, ignoring the object. 

"Alright, but I do need to get home soon, hon." 

"Josh, sit down." I do as she asks. "I know how it is when siblings come around, but that was taking it too far today. I know you're the oldest. Keep in mind that we've told each other so much over the past few months, but there's still so much more neither of us has talked about. We've both had our own versions of hell in life, but I won't have my kids deal with it like either of us have. I'm aware that we are naturally attracted to each other, but my kids and sanity come first." I can hear her fighting and choking down her emotions.  

I slowly put the little stuffed bear she's been looking for since she left Massachusetts down on the coffee table to pull her into a comforting embrace. "I understand that and you have every right to feel the way you do. I feel more for you than I think I should, but I know I should've stepped up to the plate better than I have already. I realized I wasn't being fair to you and that you deserve all you're putting in back. I promise that I will be better to you than I have been to be fair to you. I will try my hardest to be more open, more willing, and more fair to you. You deserve that at the very least." 

"I need a man that can do that and still be good to me. I need a man that will always be my best friend. I need you to be that man. You mean more than you should've as fast as you have and it scares me. I'm scared to feel like this. I'm scared of the fall, of letting go. I'm scared to let go of my past. I don't know how to look to the future. I forgot what love, faith, and hope are. I need someone to reteach me those things. I feel like a total failure. I can't even pretend to be the person I had been so long ago." 

"I want to be that man for you and do all that with you. I want to be around longer than you're used to. I want to be everything and more than that. I need and want you in my life. I will try my damnest to be yours always, entirely, and for as long as you'll allow me to be." 

I cup her cheek with one hand while the other remains wrapped around the middle of her body, my thumb stroking her cheek to make her look at me. She sighs from exhaustion a split second before her eyes meet mine. I couldn't ask for anyone better than her. "Josh, you've been so strong for me when you don't have to be and it says more than yours words could even come close to. I'm sorry if I've been difficult, but I have to be." 

"It's who you are," I assure her. She places her head on my shoulder again. "We should just go to bed and just hold each other, just to talk." 

"James, go home if you want," Sam permits. 

I turn to look at him over my shoulder and smirk. "I'm going to walk him to his car and I promise I'll be right back." 

"Okay," she agrees. 

"C'mon, Lance, I'll walk you out." 

We get to the top of the steps leading to the parking garage. "When do you suggest not having sex, but only cuddling and talking?" 

I chuckle. "When I realized that life doesn't revolve around it and how much she really means to me. I would do anything to keep her happy. She's one of a kind without a doubt and I don't want to lose her, if I can help it. I think I'm really in love." 

He grabs my arm, spinning me to look him in his jade eyes. "You love her as in like might marry her one day?" he demands, shocked. 

"Marriage, kids, forever; the whole shebang, yeah," I confirm. 

He releases me, shaking his head. "I didn't think anyone could get to you like this." 

"Until her, no one could. Until her, nothing changed. I've changed since we've known each other. I finally feel ready, sure enough that I can actually dive head long into a relationship and not be as afraid as I have been in the past." I take a deep breath, a breath that takes my entire body to complete. "It feels liberating, like a new sense of freedom, like I can truly breathe again." 

He smiles as we turn to finish the walk to his car. "That's going to make all the difference with her, even more so when you two make it official." 

"Thanks." We share a quick bro-hug and he departs as I dart back up to her place. I quietly open the door and discover she fell asleep on the couch, closing the door as soundlessly as I possibly can. I lock it and quickly stride over to her, lifting her in my arms and carry her into her room. Once I settle her into her bed, I strip down to my pajama pants and hold her. I'm happy just to hold her. "This is worth changing." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

It's been a few days and we've been a little more open with each other, more honest. "Josh," she calls to me from the living room. 

"Mami?" 

"Have you seen my chargers?" 

I chuckle on my way downstairs. "Last time I knew, you left them on the kitchen table." 

I watch her finish looking through the cluster fuck of papers in the kitchen on the counter from the bottom of the steps. "Found them. Thanks." 

"Heading out?" 

"Yeah, I have something to take care of. Thanks again for Valentino." 

I smile, pulling to my body gently. "Thank you for putting up with me." 

"You're welcome," she honestly replies, blushing. "Thank you for loving me." 

"You're welcome. You deserve it. You also need it," I concede, softly pressing our lips together. 

 
"Josh, you're amazing." 

"No more than you are to me."