I'm sitting in my living room, my phone turned off while I finish my I don't know what number bottle of Jack Daniels and smoke from the bowl I got from a smoke shop on the way back from Erik's house after catching the two of them doing what they were doing. Even thinking about it makes me even more pissed off, making me want to go to his house to do something so stupid that she would hate me for all eternity. I won't do it; I'd rather drink and smoke myself into such a stupor that I forget everything. I loved her and she basically just did what Eva Longoria did, both happening within five years of each experience. I give up on love and looking for the right one, if I'm supposed to be in a happy and loving relationship-she can find me! No more looking, no more waiting, no more caring. That stopped when I saw her fucking him. 

A knock sounds at the door. Who in their right fucking mind would possibly even consider coming here? I slowly get to my feet, bottle in my hand to answer the door. I open the cover to my front door security monitor, staring at the screen for a few moments before opening the door and get pissed all over again. I fling open the door and before they could say even hi, I'm verbally tearing them into shreds.  

"What in the fuck gives you the right to bitch at me for any damn reason?"  

"She's your manager, she's not here, and she left me!" I scream at her, instantly feeling sober. 

"Feel better, jackass?" she asks, folding her arms. The glare from her eyes says not to piss her off. 

"No," I bark, walking back to the couch, "but you can come in." 

She follows me and I take a toke off my bowl. "You're drunk off your ass and high as fuck, but can still manage to be a douchebag. How in hell is that even possible, JC?" 

"What do you even want, Deven?" I snap. 

"I was hoping you could get Aaron to come here alone or help me get in touch with his brother or someone who could get him to show up somewhere alone." 

"Why does it matter if he happens to be alone or not?"  

"I have to talk to him and what I have to tell him are not things I want to say in front of a bunch of people or anyone he may be with." 

He quickly scribbles something down on a piece of paper, handing it to me folded a time or two. "That's Nick's number. You call him and once you figure out how it's going to happen, you need to leave." 

I shoo her away, not wanting to chance looking at her after the scoffing sound she made. I hear her phone beep out that number as she walks away. "-you, Nick. I have to get this over and done with. I will feel so much better after it. Half hour? Uhm, sooner would be better because JC is in douchebag major mode and I would prefer to talk to your brother in a semi good mood. I can't begin to say how much I appreciate you doing this. See you soon." 

"How long before you leave?" I bark at her again, aware it isn't her fault and not caring. 

"Five minutes," she snaps back, her phone rapidly dinging like she's texting someone. 

"If you're texting someone to deal with me, I turned off my cell phone and unplugged the house one." 

"I know that." I look at her. "I called them both." 

"Get out." 

"You're such a fucking ray of sunshine, I feel like waiting outside for Nick." 

"Get the fuck out of my house cuz I bet it's how you felt from the moment I opened the damn door," I retort. 

"Sounds about right," she grumbles to herself, slamming the door behind herself. 

"It's how I felt, bitch." 

It's been a few hours since Deven left and there's another knock at my damn door. "Who in the fuck is it now?" I mutter to myself, deciding on not moving from my spot on the couch. "Go the fuck away!" 

"No, I have a key and know all your fucking codes, man. I'm not leaving until we talk," Justin tells me through the door. 

"Leave me alone!" 

"Hell no! That's not what friends do!" 

"Just fuck off!" 

A key turns in the tumbler, my security alarm system being turned off seconds later. "I told you I refuse to walk away, knowing you need the help or just a friend to be there after all this," he tells me, sitting in the armchair Kenisha had been in the day Jaylyn left me. He audibly gasps. "This is worse than after Eva!" 

"Go fuck yourself cuz you have no right to talk after the Britney shit!" 

He gets to his feet faster than I've ever seen him move. "That was a low fucking blow and you know it! She wasn't kidding about you being a straight up douchebag." 

"What?!" 

"You heard me and we aren't talking about me and how miserable I was. You need to talk to a friend, a family member or a fucking therapist or someone! Let it the fuck out! Scream! Yell! Holler! Write! Sing!" 

I hold up my bowl and my bottle. "I am doing something about it." 

He slaps them out of my hands and the bowl smashes. "It's not what I fucking meant! You know what I meant, asshole!" 

"That still had weed in it!" I scream, pointing at the shattered bowl and madder than the hatter from Alice in Wonderland. 

"You act like it can't be fucking replaced!" 

I sit back like a defiant punished child would while they're being scolded. "Leave." 

"No, not until we talk and you break, you need someone to do this and I'm the one who can get through to you!" he screams in my face. "I don't want to be the one that calls your baby sister!" I scoff, fronting like I'm not even a little afraid of her when she scares the shit out of me and he knows that. I am fully aware that he made a promise and no, it's not an empty threat. 

He laughs with one hand on his hip while the other holds his head, frustrated with me. "I'll be fine. Go away." 

"I leave and I call her. She's down the road at Chris' house and I know she can be here in a minute flat, madder than you are right now!" 

"Go for it," I challenge him. 

He fires off a text, sitting back in the chair he was in minutes earlier. Less than a minute later, she flies through my door and punches me in my face. "Pull your fucking head out of your holier than thou ass and face it; you fucked up!" 

"How did I fuck up, Oshannie?" 

"Not talking to her, picking stupid fights over nothing, being an asshole when she said she wanted to be a mom one day, by being a self-centered and selfish douchebag  and not even bothering to consider what she wants or how she feels!" 

"She didn't even know about you until after we recorded NSA, near the end of that tour!" 

"If you're trying to hurt me, fuck off! Just for that, I'm not going to try to help you! I was thinking about telling you where she is right now, but you just fucked that all up!" She punches me in the face again, hard. Justin heard the sound before looking up at us. 

"What the fuck, Sam!" I scream back at her, holding the right side of my face with one hand. I scramble to my feet, standing toe to toe and nose to nose with her. 

She folds her arms, unphased. The look on her face and in her eyes challenges me to hit her so she can call our parents and siblings, egging me to get my ass kicked and a new asshole reamed. And that isn't considering the immediate backlash with Nick, AJ, Chris, Justin, Howie, Kevin, Joey and Lance being in town. I would never hear the end of it. I storm off into the kitchen, tending to my sore face. This isn't the first time we've gone through this. "Every damn time you go through a break up with someone, you turn into a huge douchebag to everyone around you!"  

"Fuck off, Samantha Marilyn!".              

"We both know how close you're getting to her last nerve," Justin reminds me, attempting to warn me before my sister snaps on me entirely. I grip the edge of the counter in front of me, ignoring the pain in my face and ready to explode because they're ganging up on me. 

I hear her bracelets jingle and I know she motioned to something. "He knows how I am and I haven't been with him in years!" 

"She always has been there to help you dig yourself out of anything that might cause problems," he defends, making me feel bad. "On top of that, she's done it for all of us around her." 

"You really want to know why I'm so fucking hurt and trying to self-destruct?" I snap, my sister rotating her hand and Justin looking at me curiously as they wait for me to continue. "I wanted and loved her for thirteen fucking years! I get her and within six months, she leaves me! I caught her fucking Erik Von Detten the same damn day she leaves! I had to play detective to even find out where the hell she went! I'm emotionally fucked! I want to be alone! I thought you not being able to call, text and email me would explain that! Of course not! Deven texts Justin and it's like you think I need a fucking intervention! I want to be alone!" 

I punch the counter, hurting my hand and ignore the pain. "I would rather you lock yourself away in the studio, writing, singing, composing and recording than this!" Justin screams, motioning to the bottle and bowl as I turn around.  

Oshannie quickly marches up to me, wrapping her arms around me and hiding her face against my chest. I can tell she's scared, that she wants me to deal with this differently. "Please stop hurting all of us. Please, do anything but this to us all. I love you, Oshai. Don't do this. I need my big brother. I'm returning the favor for all the times you've been there for me and you know I would drop everything to help you. I need both of my brothers. I need you there to tell me when I'm being stupid. I need you around. I need my family, all of them," she pleads, crying and begging for me to do the right thing.  

I hug her small frame to my own and break down emotionally. How can she know me so well? How she can make me break like this, I wish I knew.