December 24, 2014

7:30 pm

Timberlake Residence

43 Berry Hill Rd, Oyster Bay, NY

“UNCLE JUSTIN!”

I think I hear Tyler’s voice somewhere far away, but I can’t focus on him.  For the first time in a while, the only thing I can keep my focus on is my heart, and how much I fucking love this woman.

Her lips taste sweet, like vanilla and strawberry and her hair smells like a meadow after it’s rained.  It feels like silk between my fingertips, her hair, and the skin on her face and neck feels like satin.  The same way her legs were that night I had to help get her dressed.  I’ve fallen even deeper into Maggie Dawson in the matter of a few seconds, and I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to come back from this.  

How can I?

This has to be a rebound for her.  She can’t possibly have the same feelings for me that I do for her.  It’s impossible because she just got out of a relationship, and I’ve never had a meaningful one in my life.

I should stop kissing her.  I should stop right now before I get myself into more trouble, or someone sees me doing this.

But I can’t stop.

This is all I’ve ever wanted, after all.  Here, with her in my arms, my lips on hers, knowing I have her emotional attention.  If I never received another promotion, or another gift of any kind for the rest of my life I’d be fine with that as long as I didn’t have to give her up.  I’ve got it bad for her.  It’s like a sickness, but I don’t want to be cured.  

I’m only afraid of what’s going to happen when we finally stop kissing.  Is she going to stay? Is she going to try this thing with me? Or is she just going to apologize and tell me she’s not ready? I have to be prepared either way, and I know that.  I can’t be a child about it, but at the same time, my heart is completely out in the open right now.  I did it.  I went there, let my emotions flood her and hoped for the best.  I don’t know what sparked it, really.  My sister got on my last nerve, and it got Mags curious.  I guess I finally decided it was time to tell her.  It’s Christmas.  Time to go big or go home right?

My oven beeps.

“Preheated.”  Mags pants, breaking our passionate round of kissing.

“It’s okay,” I laugh lightly and grab her lips with mine one more time.

‘UNCLE JUSTIN!!”

“Tyler,” she whispers.

“I…I can’t…I can’t focus on that right now.”  I go in for another kiss, but she pulls away.

“You have to.”  She smooths her hair out and sighs.  “Justin, this isn’t the best time.”

“Oh…” I look down at the ground.

Shit.

Maybe she’s not into it.  It was fluke, yeah.  I mean, I’m just me and she’s beautiful, and amazing.  It would never work.

“I just…I need to catch my breath,” she says quickly.  “Justin, it’s fine.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I didn’t think…Maggie…” I shake my head.  “I just…”

“How long have you felt this way?”  She continues to run a hand through her mess of hair.  “I mean, was this random or…”

“I think you’re beautiful,” I say it gently.  I can’t lie anymore.  It’s not fair to me, or to her.  “I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out.  If that makes me corny or lame…fine.  I’m not good at this stuff.  I’ve never had a girlfriend.  My life has been planned out from the moment I was born, and if my parents had their way, I would have been married to one of their socialite friends daughters years ago.  I was seeing this one girl before I met you…Diana, but then you got hired and I met you at the office.  You were the first woman I could talk to that didn’t seem to care who my father was.  I…I had never had that before, you know?  I never had a friend that just wanted to hang out, and drink after work, because they liked me for me. I didn’t know what to do after those first few weeks.  I knew I felt a certain way about you, but you were practically engaged.  I just kept my mouth shut, and I stopped seeing Diana.  My dates have been pointless ever since, because I wanted them to be.  There’s no one else for me, Mags.  There’s never been.”

“You think I’m beautiful?” She cocks her head to the side, seemingly in awe.

“I do,” I nod.  “And I don’t think someone like Hunter, deserves to breathe the same air as you do.  You deserve everything, Mags.  You deserve someone that’s going to cherish you.  I don’t have a clue if I’m that guy, all I know is that I don’t want to keep going like this.  Every time I see you, and we say goodbye, it hurts.  I just…I need you Maggie.  You’re everything to me.”

“Wow I just…I mean…”

“What?”

“It’s just a lot.” She shakes her head a little.  “I had no idea, Justin.”

“I know it’s a lot, but I had to tell you.  Keeping it bottled up was killing me, and right now, with Fay and everything else, I can’t afford to have that weight on my shoulders.  It’s kind of a now or never thing, you know? I don’t expect you to be with me.  I just figured the right thing to do, would be to tell you.  I didn’t count on…what just happened.”

She smiles slightly.  “I liked it.”

I feel myself blushing.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Uncle Justin!” Tyler comes plodding into the kitchen, holding his pants up at his waist with one hand.  “I can’t get the button through these pants!”

Maggie and I start laughing together, and I immediately feel right at home with her.  This is normal for us, laughing together.  Kissing? Not so much, but it seems as if the moment has passed.  I have no idea if she wants to continue, or just forget it happened.  Either way, at least I went there, finally, after all these years.

I’m proud of myself.

I help Tyler with his pants while Mags takes a seat back by the island and watches us with a soft smile on her face.  She hasn’t run away, which I guess is good, but with dinner, presents, and Fay’s nightly routine well on the way, I have no idea when we’ll be able to continue our conversation.  Maybe its better to prolong the inventible.  I’ll have more time with her this way.
“There.” I finish adjusting Tyler’s pants and smile for him while I ruffle his hair.  “Good as new, but you know, you really need to learn how to do this on your own bud.”

“It’s just these ones,” he pouts.  “The button is too little.”

“Go on.” I roll my eyes and pat his behind a little.  “Mommy has the Christmas shows on.  I’ll let you know when it’s time to come back in.”

“Do you think I’ll get the Xbox One?”

I shrug.  “One never knows.  I hear Santa’s been in a pretty good mood this year though.”  I glance back at Maggie and she’s trying hard to stifle her laughter.  

“There’s no such thing,” Tyler tells me with a smirk.  “Daniel from my class told me he found his Christmas presents in the hall closet.”

Damn kid is growing up way too fast.  Last year he couldn’t wait to put out the cookies and milk, and now he’s getting “too cool” for Santa Claus.  “That’s because Santa doesn’t visit Daniel’s house, so his parents have to buy his presents instead.  Good thing me and Santa are like this.” I cross my fingers.  “Right Mags?” I wink at her.

“Oh yeah, we just saw him before we got here, on the train.”

Tyler’s eyes go wide.  “On the train?”

“Yep,” Maggie continues.  “And he told me that he was upset, because he heard a little boy named Tyler had started not to believe in him.  He had an Xbox in his bag and everything, said he was going to have to give it to someone else.”

My  nephew’s mouth drops open a little and he looks up at me longingly.  “He’s gonna give it to someone else?”

I shrug.  “Well he can only give it to someone that believes, Ty.”

“I believe!” He jumps up and down.  “I made extra cookies n’ everything! I did! Can you tell him Uncle Justin?”

“I think we have his number, don’t we Mags?”
r32;“Well…” She pulls her cell out of her pocket and stares at the screen seriously.  “It just so happens that I didn’t delete it, so I say you still have a shot at that Xbox, Ty.  But only if you’re well behaved for the rest of the night, and get to bed on time.”

“I will!” He yells it at both of us.  “I’ll do all of that!”

“All right, we’ll try to relay the message, but you have to go inside.  Santa doesn’t like too many people knowing his routine tonight, after all.”

“Okay! Mom! Mom! Uncle Justin is calling Santa!”
He runs off and I smile.  “Crisis averted,” I whisper to Mags, who is laughing quietly to herself.

“You’re great with him,” she nods.  “You really are.”

“You’re not so bad yourself.  He’s usually not this comfortable around company.  Thanks for playing along.”

She shrugs.  “Least I can do.  So um…and if this is too forward, just tell me…”

I shake my head.  “I think at this point, we can pretty much say whatever we want to each other.”

She laughs.  “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Shoot.”

“What’s going to happen to Tyler?”

“You mean…when Fay goes?”

Maggie nods.

I’d like to say that I haven’t thought that far ahead, but the truth is, we planned that all out once I moved Fay into my house.  She sat with me and I drew up her will with her.  She wants Tyler placed in my care once she enters a facility, and I’ve been preparing myself for it.  The fact that it’s happening sooner rather than later is a lot for me to take in, but I know I’ll have no problem raising my nephew.  I have all the resources, and we’re so close that he’ll be comfortable with the transition.  Fay says I’m the best person to raise him, because I’ll give him a real childhood.  We both know that our parents would ship him off to a fancy boarding school the first chance they got, because they believe it’s the best way to educate a child and prepare them for the real world.

Hell will freeze over before I’ll allow him to end up like me.

“I’m going to take care of him,” I say softly.  “It’s the best solution, because he’s really attached to me, and I love him like a son.  He’s the biggest reminder I’ll have of Fay too, when she…you know.”

“Yeah.  Well, I think that’s really noble of you Justin.  There aren’t too many men our age that would be up to that type of challenge.  It makes you…I dunno, special, I guess.”

“I don’t know about special.” I chuckle.  “I’m just doing what I think is right for Ty.”

“I think you’re special,” she whispers.

We stare at each other for a long time, getting lost in the moment.  I want to continue what I was saying to her before. I want to figure this thing out with us, and I almost start in, but the obnoxious bonging of the doorbell stops me.

Who the hell is coming to my house now? I’m really not that popular.

“I’ll get it.”  Matilda whizzes by me, and I’m thankful, since my hands are full of seasoning and raw meat juice.

“Thought you didn’t have friends,” Maggie smirks.

“I don’t.”  I stare down the hallway, dreading what is probably coming next.

“Hello Matilda.”

My blood runs cold.

“Merry Christmas Mr. Timberlake, Mrs. Timberlake.”

“Be a dear and take my mink.”

“Of course.”

“We have some packages in the trunk. Please start unloading them, Matilda.”

“Right away.”

Shit. No.  Damn it.  Of all the nights…

“Justin!”

My mother rushes into the kitchen, her arms open toward me, just like every holiday.  Her face is freshly nipped and tucked, as per norm, her lips shining and thick with what’s surely a recent shot of Botox.   I swear to God, one of these years I’m going to be having Christmas with the reincarnation of Michael Jackson.  

She embraces me tightly, and the nausea quickly takes over.  That’s normal too.  I’ve never felt comfortable hugging my parents, because they never hugged me when I was a child.  I’ve always found it foreign, and odd, even though it’s one of the most basic signs of affection out there.  

“H-hey, Ma.”  I pat her back awkwardly, and do my best to pull away from her.  Maggie meets my gaze after a moment, and she seems confused and concerned all in one.  I wish I could have prepared her, but I didn’t think we’d be seeing them until tomorrow.  I begin to pray that they don’t notice her.  I don’t need to expose her to their stupidity and ignorance on Christmas Eve.

“Oh, it’s so good to finally see you.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek and forehead, and I can feel the lipstick seeping into my skin.  “Where’s your sister and Tyler? We brought gifts!”

“Um…in the living room…I thought we’d just see you tomorrow.”

“Nonsense.” She gives me a fake smile, and I know they’ve planned to sabotage our Christmas Eve since the beginning of the week. “You come to our house every year, it’s about time we changed things up.  It smells wonderful.  I hope you saved me a plate of cookies.”  

She pinches my cheek and I force a smile.

“Justin.”

I look up, and see Benjamin standing in front of me.  He looks intimidating as always, pissed off too, but that’s nothing new.  “Sir.” I nod.

“Emma why don’t you go and find Tyler.”  My father smiles and rubs my mothers shoulders.  

“Who is this!”

My mother has discovered Maggie, but that was inevitable.

She slides off her barstool and makes her way over to my parents.  “Maggie Dawson.  I work at the law firm with Justin.”

“Oh?”  My mother gives me a suspicious glance.  “And you’re here with Justin for the holiday?”

She eyes me nervously.  “Well, yes.  I ended up having nothing to do so…Justin graciously offered to make a place at the table for me.”

“That’s lovely.  I’ve been hoping he would bring a nice girl home one of these holidays.  Are you single dear?”

Maggie’s cheeks turn deep crimson.  

“Mom!”

My mother laughs.  “He’s so bashful.”  She comes over and pinches my cheek once more, giving my face a playful little slap.  “It’s adorable.  He’s always been my adorable little man.”

Maggie can’t seem to hold in her laughter, and I rub my face with my hands to hide my embarrassment.

“Grammy!”

Saved by the Tyler.

“There’s my other little man!” My mother hollers and rushes over to where he’s standing.  “Give me a squench and tell me about your day…”

Her voice gets fainter as she carries him off into the living room where Fay is.  Benjamin has been left alone with me now, and that’s always been the perfect combination for disaster.

I pray I can keep my temper at bay tonight.

“Maggie Dawson?”  My father smirks slightly and strokes his chin.  “Didn’t you just lose that…”

“Not now,” I snap at Benjamin.  “Not right now, okay?”

“Well I’m just curious,” he laughs.  “Biggest case loss on the market right now, so I’ve heard.”

Maggie just nods as her cheeks turn crimson.  “Well, yeah.”

“And you still have a job?”

“They didn’t fire me, if that’s what you mean.”

Benjamin chuckles.  “Old Barry decided to cut you a break, huh?”

Maggie won’t look at him, and I can tell that she’s extremely uncomfortable.  Shit, if anyone can drive her away tonight, it’s Benjamin.  “Uh-huh.”

“Good man, Fink.” Benjamin nods.  “Good businessman.”

I cringe.  “That’s enough,” I mutter.  “Please, dad.”

“Speaking of business,” My father turns his attention to me now.  “Have you signed yet, Justin?”

I grit my teeth, and ball my fists tightly at my sides.  “I just got it today.”

“Well I don’t see the need for hesitation.  You’re either taking the promotion or you’re not.”

“You just fuckin’ got here,” I spit out. “You can’t wait ten minutes before you start in?”

“It’s a simple question.”

“I’m not doing this right now.  Not tonight.”  I shake my head roughly.  “If you want to visit with Tyler and Fay, fine.  As long as you’re focusing on the holiday, I don’t have a problem with you being here.”

“Your mother wanted to spend Christmas Eve here, but I came to discuss some things with you before tomorrow.  After dinner, I need some time with you alone.”

My stomach lurches.  I can only imagine what that conversation will entail.  “It’s Christmas.”

“And some things can’t wait,” he says sternly.

“So let’s have it then,” I snap.  “Right now.  You were here earlier, upsetting Fay.  I’m sure it has something to do with that.”

My father glances at Maggie, who has been sitting silently since his remarks about the Garbin case.  “I’d rather talk in private.”
I sigh heavily, but realize it’s probably better to cover whatever it is with him now, so I can get them both fed and out of here in time to keep my sanity.  “Fine.”

“In the study,” he orders.

I glare at him as he walks out of the kitchen.  Then I open the oven and practically throw my prime rib inside of it, slamming the door harshly.  “Fuck.”  I breath it heavily into my hands and run them over my head and down the back of my neck.

“Are you going to be all right?”

I look up suddenly.  Shit, right, Maggie.  “I um…I’m so sorry,” I rasp.  “If I had known that they were going to show up I wouldn’t have invited you out.”

“I’m not offended or anything.  The guy is an asshole but it’s not your fault.”

I feel the small smirk pulling at my lips.  She really does understand every part of my life, and it’s so uncanny.  Before today, I hadn’t shared any aspect of my personal life with her.

I know that she’s the only woman I’ll ever need, I’m just so unsure about our status, and that’s my own fault for kissing her prematurely.

“I hate to leave you again,” I manage.

“I’m sure Fay will come up with a way to entertain me.”  Maggie smiles and gets off the stool so she can walk right up to me.  “Since you’re preoccupied.”

I gaze into those amazing eyes of hers, and I can’t help but smile.  She’s really here, right here in front of me, and for the moment at least, I forget that Benjamin is waiting for me in my study.  “What’s going to happen now?” I whisper, gently reaching out so I can rub my hands across her shoulders and down her arms.

“I guess we have a couple of days to figure it out.”

She leans in and kisses me, letting her lips linger on mine for a few precious seconds, running her fingers through my hair and down the back of my neck.  It makes the hairs there stick straight up.  Goosebumps.  I can’t remember the last time I had those.

There’s no more questions.  I just…know…that she wants to try this with me, as fast and crazy as it’s turning out to be.  For some reason, I seem to be worth it to her.  She’s putting her insecurities to the side, and that means more to me than she’ll ever know.

“I’ll see you in a bit.”  She pulls away and winks at me,  flashing me her amazing smile before walking off into the living room.

I stare after her until I can’t see her anymore, and then I know I don’t have a choice but to follow up with my father.  With a large sigh, I force my feet to start moving, and head towards my study.  Naturally he’s there, sitting at my desk, waiting for me to sit across from him.  I feel like I’m at work.  He’s sitting in my executive chair and thumbing through paperwork on my desk that isn’t any of his business.

I hate him, but I have to put up with whatever it is he’s here to discuss.

“Shut the door.”

I do it, and then I take a seat.  “What is it?”

“I came to talk to Fay earlier about events going forward.”

“Verdan,” I mutter.

“Among other things, yes.”

“Fay already told me.  She wants to move in after the New Year.  I’m not happy about it but I’m not going to tell her how to spend her time.  Is that all?”

I hold my breath.

“No.  Not quite.”  He leans forward, a stern, commanding expression on his face.  It’s one I know well, from my childhood, when he was about to lay down the law and tell me how my life was going to be.

I swallow hard.

“Justin, I know you have every intention of becoming Tyler’s guardian once Fay moves into Verdan.”

Tyler.  

“You’re not getting him.”  I say it angrily.  

“Justin…”

“You’re not fucking getting him.” I stand up and narrow my eyes at him.  “That’s what this is about?  You came here and told Fay what your plans were, didn’t you? How the hell could you do that? You know how it’s been.  She’s been worse!”

“I was trying to talk some sense into her.” He says, keeping his voice low as he stands up.  He comes around the desk and cross his arms, staring me down intimidatingly.  “You’re a fool if you think you can be attentive given your career and where it’s going.”

“I can handle it.”

“I don’t agree,” he sighs.  “Tyler deserves the best kind of education.  The type of education I provided for you and Fay when you were young.  He’ll grow with his peer group and attend an ivy league university.”

I step up to him and lean my face right into his.  “You. Are not. Getting him.”

“Do you really think I want to bring this to the courts?  Losing Fay is hard enough on the family.”

“Go ahead,” I grit out.  “I learned all my slimy tactics from you, and you’ve never given a damn about the ALS.  You wanted to toss her in a home right from the start.  I’ve been the one killing myself for all this time, because I love her.  In fact, she’s named me in the will as guardian.”

“A judge has to agree to that first, and Justin, I promise you, I will take you down,” he says darkly.  “It pays to have friends in high places…judges, social workers, DA’s.  They’re all on my speed dial, so don’t push me.  I’ll end your career.  I’ll make you the laughing stock of the legal world, like your pretty co worker in there.  You’ll lose this house, and I’ll make sure you don’t even get visitation.”

I let out a bitter laugh.  “You heartless prick.”

“Think about what I’ve said,” he nods, ignoring my comment.  “We’ll talk after the holidays, once Fay is settled into Verdan.  Getting Tyler acclimated to life at our house will be easier if it’s done right away.  I suggest you have a talk with him about this, and then call me so we can arrange something.”

“No.” I shake my head.  “No I’m not fucking giving into you!  I won’t!”

“Son,” Benjamin sighs and puts a hand on my shoulder.  “I know what’s best.  I always have, and the family has stood it’s ground through thick and thin because of that.  This is for your own good.  In ten years, when you have your own family and you’ve taken over that firm, you’ll thank me for taking the burden of raising a child alone off your shoulders.”

He gives my shoulder one more light pat, and then he leaves me there, alone with my thoughts.

I want to crumble, scream, cry, beg for help of any kind.  I can’t though.  All I can do is stand in the middle of my office, shocked that my father has gotten the best of me once again. It doesn’t even matter what Fay wants, because in the end, Benjamin is going to take custody of my nephew and throw him in a boarding school for the next ten years. I’ve lost before I’ve even started.

I’m a failure.  I’m about to let my sister down.  Her dying wish…I can’t even follow through with it.  My father is too powerful.  He’s not wrong about taking me down.  I know it would be quick and very painful, once I faced him in court.  There’s no denying how many people he knows or how much pull he has.

I’m just…helpless, and I’m going to lose the one thing I’ll have left, once Fay passes away.