December 5, 2016
Parker & Quinn Bar and Grill
3:45 pm
64 W 39th St
New York, NY 10018
Four cocktails in and I’m a tipsy mess. Not quite drunk-in-the-bathtub tipsy, but I’m getting there. Naturally, because Justin isn’t going to risk his health for a few drinks, he’s settled back in the booth, watching me with an amused, sexy as fuck smile on his face as I take the shot of tequila our waitress brought over to us, delighted from our long awaited return to happy hour.
“Lime?” He picks it up and holds it up to my lips.
I bite and suck. Heaven. “Thanks.” I giggle stupidly.
God, what am I doing?
“Anything else right now guys?”
Justin looks at the waitress and smiles appreciatively. “We’ll take another plate of wings and…I’ll have one of those shots too.”
“Justin,” I gasp. “You can’t…”
“One shot won’t kill me.” Without hesitating, he pecks me a kiss on the forehead. “When’s the next time we’ll get to do this?”
“I dunno.” I smile at him and can feel the room tilting. “Never?”
“Right.” He nods, but has a sad expression on his face. “You know how much I miss you right?”
He’s only saying it because the alcohol has seriously impaired my judgment. “It can’t be as much as I miss you.”
He stares at me as the shot arrives, complete with lime and salt.
“Drink up!” The waitress cackles and dashes away.
“Shit Mags.” He shakes his head roughly and guzzles the shot in one swallow. “What the fuck are we doing?”
I hold the lime up for him and he bites and sucks the juice out. “I have no idea.”
He takes the lime out of my hand and puts it down on the little white plate, immediately cupping my face in his palm and pushing the strands of hair back behind my ear. “All I want to do right now is kiss you, and I know how wrong that is, but I heard your voice on the other end of the phone the other night and it just…it reminded me what the best thing in my life was at one time. I just…I wont’ beg you Mags. I won’t beg you to back out of this thing with Tad, or cancel your wedding, but…I want you to. I want you to do all of that, and I….shit.” He sighs heavily.
“What?”
He looks back up at me. My mind is swimming. I feel like I’m floating on a cloud. The room is still tilting and my thoughts are all jumbled and fuzzy.
“I need you, Mags.”
My cheeks burn, and I laugh like some little teenager in puppy love. “Okay.” I whisper it, and my smile is goofy and careless.
His lips grab mine. It’s quick, but deep, and passionate, like I always remembered him.
The wings arrive.
“You wanna get it to go?” He breathes the words into my neck, and kisses my skin.
“All the way to the Island?”
“I’ll get a room.”r32;
“Justin…”
He pulls back, takes my hands, and gives me a look of desperation. “I just…I need one night with you, Maggie. I don’t care how fucked up it is, and I know the reasons why you’re marrying Tad. They’re the same reasons I still take Hannah out for dinner. None of it really means anything, but neither one of us wants to be alone.”
As drunk as I am, he’s making complete sense right now. I hate myself. I’m stringing Tad along and he really does love me. I shouldn’t be doing it. I shouldn’t be using him as an escape. “I don’t want to marry him,” I whisper. “But sleeping with you isn’t going to solve either of our problems.”
“I know, and it’s selfish, and I’ll regret it later, but I don’t care right now. I just…want to be with you.”
I sigh slightly, but don’t give him a reason to drop the subject when I grab his lips with mine. The kiss is a little sloppy, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He grabs my face and pulls me closer to him as our tongues dance in beautiful harmony, and before long, I know it’s time to get out of this place.
“Come on.” I come up for air. “Let’s go before they kick us out.”
Justin smiles, calls for the wings to be wrapped, and leads me out of the restaurant by the hand. The trip from midtown to the W Hotel suite is a blur. We make out in the cab, in the elevator, and against the wall outside the door to our room while Justin fiddles with the key in the lock. I pull him inside as soon as the door opens, and tear the clothing off of his body. We make out silently, hungrily, as he guides me into the bathroom and turns the shower on.
We make love against the wall as the water cascades around us. The steam helps me to sober up, but it doesn’t matter…I know what’s happening, and I never want it to stop. I slide down to the floor of the shower after…utterly exhausted, and before long Justin lifts me into his arms and carries me to the bed, cascading kisses up and down my body as he gets me comfortable against the pillows.
“I love you.” He breathes the words into my wet hair, pressing his lips to the top of my head before he moves to look me in the eyes again. “There’s no one else Maggie. Not for me. I was a fucking idiot, and I’ve paid for it, but I want a chance. I want the chance I missed out on.”
He searches my eyes, begging for the response he’s seeking.
“You said you wouldn’t beg,” I whisper, but smile gently.
“That was before we had sex.” He chuckles, not taking his gaze off of me for a moment. “Now I’m too obsessed with you to stop myself.”
“Sounds like a personal problem.”
He grins. “It is, but it’s the best kind of problem.”
I reach out and stroke his face with my hand. His eyes close at my touch, and he doesn’t seem to want anything else in his life other than me. There’s so many reasons for me to stick this out, give him another chance, and turn my back on Tad. I know he’s in a good place now, ready for me, committed to us.
So why can’t I say yes?
“If you back out of this I won’t hold it against you,” he tells me gently, while settling in the empty spot beside me as he wraps me up in his arms. “You have every reason to.”
“I don’t want to…” I trail off and turn slightly so I can look him in the eyes. “It’s just a lot.”
He nods a little and nuzzles his nose into the crook of my neck. “So take some time.”
I don’t say anything, and before long I hear his breath grow rhythmic and deep. He’s fallen asleep. I take a moment, and then turn myself around in his arms so I can look at him. He allows the movement, but his eyes never open as he draws me back into his chest again. I close my eyes, breathe in his scent.
I miss him.
But I’m terrified of allowing myself get lost in him again.
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