December 24, 2014

6:55 pm

Timberlake Residence

43 Berry Hill Rd, Oyster Bay, NY

“So, you work in the city with Justin?”

I look up from the cookbook I’ve been thumbing through and meet Matilda’s gaze.  She’s very young, and is in her last year of nursing school.  This job is counting as her internship, and she told me it’s a lot less stress for her.  She’s able to study during downtime and Justin has helped her with books and exam expenses on top of the paycheck he gives her. She seems very happy where she is, and I can tell that Tyler has grown very attached to her.  

“Oh yeah, at the firm,” I nod a little.  “I’m a lawyer too.”

“It’s crazy,” she chuckles and begins to help Tyler pour more chocolate chips into the batter they’ve been working on.  “In all this time he’s never brought someone home with him.”

I swallow hard.  “Well um…I mean, I didn’t really have plans anyway, and he asked so…yeah.”

She smirks slightly.  “Well you seem awesome.  I’m glad he invited you.  We can use a little more cheer around here. The more the merrier, right Ty?”

He glances up at me in the middle of his batter mixing, sporting a face smeared with chocolate and powdered sugar from the other cookies he’s been sampling.  “Where did you take my Uncle Justin last night?”

My face automatically burns with embarrassment.  “Well we…just…we had dinner and…”

“Tyler.”  Matilda narrows her eyes at him.  “That’s not polite.”

“He was ‘posed to tuck me in and read me a story,” he pouts.  “He promised!”

“And I’m going to read you two stories tonight, Ty.  Come on, that’s no way to talk to company is it?”

Matilda winks at me quickly, and wanders into the next room to take care of something else.  It prompts me to look over my shoulder.  Justin is standing in the kitchen archway, his brow furrowed at his nephew.  He’s dressed down, a nice polo sweater and a pair of blue jeans.  I can’t remember ever seeing him this way.  It’s always business attire with him, and I guess…I realize how much I’ve been removed from his personal life up until now.

“But she was—“

“Tyler James Timberlake.”

Justin only has to say it once to make Tyler hangs his head low.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry to me,” Justin smirks at me slightly.  “Say it to Maggie.”

“Sorry Maggie.” He looks up at me and sniffles slightly.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, honey,” I chuckle slightly.  “I understand.  Story time is pretty sacred.”

“I like Ferdinand.”  Tyler’s smile returns and he goes back to mixing his batter.  “Do you know that one?”

“Very well,”  I nod, remembering how much I begged my mother to read it to me before bed when I was a little girl.  That and The Monster at the End of This Book, will always rank high on my list.  

“I’m partial to Corduroy,” Justin chuckles, drawing closer to the kitchen island so he can ruffle Tylers hair and kiss him on the cheek.  “This one won’t let me read that one to him.  Stubborn kid.  We’ve read Ferdinand every night this month.”  He starts tickling him and it sends Tyler into a fit of squeals and laughter.

“Please don’t tickle him to death tonight.” A feminine voice laughs.  “He’s had enough juice and soda to pee his pants twice.”

I turn and see who could only be Justin’s sister in the archway, propelling herself forward in her power chair.  Her complexion is pale, and she’s very frail, but her smile is unwavering.  She has this brilliant light in her eyes.  It shows me how strong she is on the inside, and how determined she is not to let this thing get the best of her.  I like her already and I haven’t even said hello.  This is the woman that gets Justin through his days.  The only one he’s been able to talk to about everything he’s been feeling, up to this point.  

“You must be Maggie.”  She smiles up at me as she stops in front of my kitchen stool.  “From Harrison and Fink?”

“Oh…yes.”  

“Just lean down and give me a kiss on the cheek because I can’t give you one,” she laughs.

I do it with a smile.  “Fay, right?”

She nods.  “That’d be me.  Thank you so much for joining us tonight.  I really wasn’t expecting such a big turn out.” She eyes Justin a little.  “Usually its just us.”

“Well, thank you for having me.  I love your house.”

“Please, it’s Mr. Successful’s house.”  She backs up and propels herself around the Island to where Tyler is still mixing his batter.  “We’re just lucky to have him around.”

“It’s our house.  Don’t listen to her, Mags.”

I feel his eyes on me now, and finally meet Justin’s gaze.  He’s giving me a thankful little smile, as if my being completely cool with his situation is some kind of blessing.  I don’t get him.  Nothing about this is weird.  His sister is awesome and Tyler is no where near as annoying as he seems to think.  I’d love to have this kind of family, despite it’s problems.  I’ve never been close like this with my sister.

It’s killing me that Justin is going to lose this light in his life.  She’s so young, and it’s sad to see her dwindling away.  I realize that I’m scared for him.  I don’t want to imagine the wreck Justin will turn into when his sister isn’t around anymore.  She’s his only support, and when he loses that…he might just lose it all.

“So what’s on the menu?” Fay rolls herself up to the table and hits a button on the arm of her chair that boosts her level with the rest of us.  “Chef Justin?”

“You’re cooking?” I say it to him automatically.

“Oh didn’t you know?” Fay chuckles.  “Justin is a chef at heart.  I told him he should have gone to culinary academy in the city.”

“Fay, enough,” he drones.

“He wouldn’t listen though,” she continues with a smile.  “Pleasing our father was more of a priority then, you know how it is I’m sure.”

“Oh…yeah…”

Awkward.

“Prime rib.” Justin grunts and pulls it out of the fridge, plopping the packaged roast on top of the island with a whack.  “Tyler why don’t you let us put the cookies in the oven so you can get dressed for dinner.”

“Aw but—“

“Tyler, we’re not going to ask you again,” Fay says to him.  “Go get ready for dinner.”

“Fin-ne,” he sighs harshly and puts his spatula down in the bowl before running out of the kitchen.

“You sure love to kill the moment,” Fay laughs.  “Dear brother.”

He flashes her a sarcastic smile.  “You sure know how to make a person extremely uncomfortable in front of a friend, dear sister.”  

She just laughs it off.  “Maggie are you uncomfortable?”r32;
“Well, no…”

“I meant me.”  Justin grabs an apron from a hook inside the pantry door and drapes it over himself.  “I’m uncomfortable.”

“You’re always uncomfortable,” She narrows her eyes and flashes me a devilish grin.  “He is, you know.”

For the first time, I realize I can agree with her.  “You know…I think you’re right.”

“Mags?” Justin squeaks.

Fay cracks up.  “Oh my god! I”m not alone! Thank you, Maggie…really, I think we’re going to be great friends.  Maybe you can get through to him, huh? I know that after twenty five years, I still can’t.”

“He’s a hard one to crack,” I giggle.

“Great, now you’re both ganging up on me.”  He shakes his head, but I can see that smile of his peeking out.  “This is a very merry Christmas.”  He pulls a knife out of the block and begins to tear through the plastic wrap encasing his roast.  

“I didn’t know you could cook, Justin,” I say, before the moment can drift back into awkwardness.  

“Did you taste the cookies?” Fay’s eyes widen slightly.  “They are to die for.  Even our picky mother won’t let the holidays end without having a plate hand delivered to her by Justin.”

“They’re not so great.”  Justin rolls his eyes and slides the platter of cookies over to where I can reach them.  

“Let the lady judge for herself, and just so you know, I haven’t even been able to have one yet.  You could have brought a couple upstairs, you know?”

He sighs.  “Sorry.”  

I grab one up, as he takes a seat beside his sister and begins to break off pieces of a cookie, feeding them to her one by one.  Biting into the thing is incredibly amazing.  I’ve never tasted anything so tender and sweet before.  Honestly, I didn’t think Justin was capable of something as complicated as made from scratch baking.  Lord knows, I burned the last batch of Tollhouse that I attempted, and that was after reading the instructions three times.

“This is…God, Justin…this is your recipe?”

He looks over his shoulder while Fay is in mid chew.  “Yeah I mean it’s…”

“It’s so good! I can’t believe this! I just…I want to bring home plates of these to everyone I know.”

He blushes. “Well, thanks.”

“Told you,” Fay says, as Justin wipes some chocolate from the corners of her mouth.  “He’s incredible.  That’s only the beginning.  Wait until you taste the meat, and the sweet potatoes and…just everything.”

“You could go into business, you know?” I say it to him softly.  “I’m not just saying that.  People would pay to eat this stuff.”

“Yeah well, it’s just a hobby.” He says it quickly, and looks back at Fay.  “You want some more before I start the meat?”

“No, I’ll save my appetite,” she smirks.  “He’s too modest, Maggie.  That’s his problem.  He never tells people how he really feels until it’s too late.”

Justin shoots his sister an icy look. “Maybe you should go rest for awhile, Fay.”

“Why?” She rolls her eyes.  “I’m talking to my new friend Maggie.”

“Well it’s going to be a late night since you want to watch me put out the gifts for Ty.”

“Oh please,” she rolls her eyes.

“I’m just saying.” Justin grumbles and focuses on seasoning the roast.  

“You’re trying to get rid of me is more like it.” She leans closer to me.  “He always does this.  Maggie, aren’t I right through? Doesn’t Justin keep things to himself?”r32;
“Well…”r32;
Justin stares at me, like I’m destroying his whole world, but I just don’t care.

“I mean…” I continue.  “I didn’t know about you until tonight.”

“You mean about this whole wheelchair thing?”

“No.” I shake my head.  “I mean, I didn’t know he had a sister.”

“Really?” She feins surprise.  “And how long have you worked with my brother?”

“About five years now.”

“I’m so disappointed, Justin,” Fay tells him.  “You know how awesome I am.  You should want to brag about me.”

“Whatever.” He doesn't look up from the meat.

“Why didn’t you tell her?” Fay asks.

“Didn’t come up.”

“In all these years?”

“Nope.”

She glances at me.  “Is he a closed book at the office?”

“Pretty much.  Out of the office too.  I told him it pissed me off.”

“Someone else should,” Fay snaps.

“Thanks a lot,” Justin grunts.

“But yet you’re still friends with him, and you still came home with him?” Fay continues.

I shrug.  “Yeah.  He’s a good listener.  He’s always been there for me.”

“See? At least someone respects me,” Justin says.  

Fay smiles, like she knows something that I don’t.  “I knew I liked you.  Didn’t you just break up with your boyfriend or something?”

“Oh well I…”r32;
“She doesn't want to talk about it,” Justin interrupts.

“She didn't say that.  Maggie, you don’t mind do you?”

“It’s not a big deal,” I chuckle.

“See? She doesn’t mind.”

Justin groans.

“What happened? He was a jerk right?”

“You could say that.  The bastard cheated.  I’ve been kind of a wreck.  We were together eight years, but…I think I’m going to be able to deal with it, you know? I’ve realized a lot of things.  Coming here for Christmas was the change of pace I needed, I think.”

“It was definitely the change of pace Justin needed.”

“I’m still here,” Justin says.  “Remember?  The one who’s cooking the meal?”

Fay ignores him.  “Seriously, he never hangs out with anyone.  When he didn’t come home last night I thought his date might have worked out for him, if you know what i mean.”

“Fay!” He yells.

I crack up.  “No, not quite.  I needed some help so he came to see me.  That’s all it was.  He fell asleep at my place.”

“Ohhh, so are you guys dating?” Fay grins.  “Like in secret?”

“Shit, no!” Justin yells at her.  “Seriously Fay!”

I’m blushing, but Justin is completely freaking out.  I look at him and can see how red his face has gotten, how harshly he’s breathing, and I know it’s up to me to calm the situation down.  “We’re friends,” I tell her, calmly.  “You know…that’s all.”

“Hmph.”  She smiles to herself.  “Seems like there’s more here.  You guys are cute together.”

“There’s not more here, and we aren’t cute.  There’s not and there won’t be…just…no.”  Justin looks like he’s just about to fall over and die, and I don’t know what to make of his attitude.  

“We’re friends.  He’s a great friend to me, Fay,” I speak up.  “Sometimes I don’t know how I would have gotten through the past few months if it weren’t for him.”

He stares at me, his grumpy expression falling away into a soft smile.  

“It’s a shame, you know?” Fay says.  “I’d love to see him settled with a nice girl like you.  I’m going to go get Matilda to turn on a hokey Christmas special while dinner cooks.  Feel free to join in, if you want to Maggie.”

She glides away from us, and doesn’t look back.  I can hear her talking to Matilda moments later, and know that we are finally alone.

“She’s pretty sure of herself,” I laugh at him.  

“Yeah,” he grunts.  “It figures that she’s having one of her really good days.  She can talk about how pathetic I am a mile a minute.”

“Come on, she was just having some fun, Justin.”

“She doesn't know when to stop.  That was fuckin’ embarrassing. I mean…it’s not like you’ve ever been here before and I wanted it to be special for you, not twenty questions from my sister.”

“Justin I like being here.  She’s great.”

“She’s always on me to find someone,” he goes on, oblivious to what I’ve just said.  “I go on dates upon dates upon dates.  She just doesn’t get it.  I’m not fucking interested in anybody else.”  He starts rubbing the seasoning into the meat harshly.  

“Anybody else?”

He looks up at me suddenly, like he just realized what he said.  “Well I…you know, I mean, I’m not interested in them.  Those women.”

“Then who are you interested in?  You said you’re not interested in anybody else, as in…there’s only one person you’re interested in.  Am I making sense?”

He won’t look at me.  Now I’m the one who’s uncomfortable.

 “You’ve been acting strange since the other night,” I say.

He laughs it off.  “I did see you naked.”

“And?”

“I dunno.” He shrugs.  “It’s nothing, really.  I care about you, that’s all, as a friend.”

“As a friend?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re sure?”

“Maggie, you’re a great girl, but you’re not my type,” he laughs a little but gets serious.  “You know? I mean, we’re different people.  I love you as a friend and everything, but you and I would never work.”

My heart sinks.  I don’t get it.  It shouldn’t matter.  “So who is your type then?  Anorexic model pretty? Bitchy?”

“Pretty much.”

I roll my eyes.  “Now I’m nauseated.”

“Why?”

“Because I know you’re full of it, Justin.”r32;

“Huh?” He looks up, his eyes wide, his expression full of fear.

“You hate those kinds of women.  What happened? Did you just forget that I’ve known you for the past five years?  You may hide most things from me, but I still know some things about you.  I mean, what the hell was that back there on the stairs? You were stuttering, trying to tell me something, and then you just ran away.”

“It was nothing.” He laughs and shakes his head, then desperately tries to focus on the roast.

It’s undeniable.  I can’t sit here and tell myself that Justin doesn’t have more-than-friends feelings for me. It’s obvious, but the question is, how long has he felt this way?  “So look me in the eyes right now, and tell me you don’t have feelings for me.”

“UNCLE JUSTIN!” Tylers voice booms from upstairs.  “I CAN’T GET MY PANTS ON!”

He doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch, just stares at me.

“I’m waiting for an answer.”

“What about you?” He whispers.

“This isn’t about me.”

“Yeah it is.  It works both ways.”

“I…”  I stare at him.  Into those eyes that I’ve look into a million times before, and I feel that energy between us.  I don’t know if it’s the first time I’ve realized it, or if I have subconsciously when we’ve been at happy hour, being drunk and silly together.  I remember putting my arms around him, laughing with him, but thinking nothing of it.

This is different.

I’m single now.

‘UNCLE JUSTIN!”

“You better go,” I whisper.

“Oh-hh no.” He snickers.  “You got us in this predicament.  We’re going to get out of it now.  He can wait.”

“I didn’t get us into anything.”

He rinses his hands and after drying them, walks around the island and right up to me.  “You brought it up.”

“Well it was more Fay than anything.”

“Still,” he whispers.  “You could have dropped it once she went into the living room.”

I know I could have.  That’s really bothering me now. Damn him for pointing it out.  “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“So if I said that I did have feelings for you…that…”  He licks his lips and inches a little closer to me.  “That maybe I always have.  What would you say?”

The shock hits me right in the chest and I can’t speak, all I can do is stare at him. 

"Now I'm the one who's waiting for an answer," he smirks.

“A minute ago you said things with us would never work.  Where are you pulling this out of?  Are you being serious?” I say.

Suddenly his emotions give it all away.  I see that look in his eyes.  The one that can only be associated with a strong emotional connection with someone else, and all I can think is that Justin might have fallen for me not just recently…

But a really long time ago.

“I’m serious,” he manages.  “I would never make that up.  Not when it comes to you, Mags.  I just…I’ve been sort of a coward I guess.  I haven’t been able to tell you how I feel.  Right now, it doesn’t make sense to keep it from you, even if things will change because of it.”

“Justin—“

“So how do you feel?” He whispers, keeping eyes locked onto mine.

I stare back at him, my breath caught in my throat, and the only thing I can come up with is: “Speechless.”

“Speechless, but…what?”

“But I…I can’t make myself tell you to back off,” I confess, my heart racing as the sweat begins to bead on my forehead.

“What if I kissed you?”

I feel my eyes go wide, he’s right in front of me know, inches from my face, and I have no idea if I should run away, or if I should let him…let him do this.  “Kissed me?”

He reaches out and every so slightly trails a couple of fingers down my cheek.  “I…I dream about it, you know, kissing you.”

Justin never would have made my lists of romantics.  He’s the type to stumble with his words when he gets nervous, and constantly shies away from affection.  Right now I would never know it.  He’s captured me right where I’m most vulnerable, and the only thing I can do is stare back at him, my mouth hanging open slightly, practically drooling because I’ve started to realize how amazing he smells and how handsome he truly is.  “You dream about me?”

“Yeah.  All the time.  Does that make me a creep?”

“A creep?” I chuckle.  “No.  I just…I guess I wish I had known this before.”

“I’m a chicken shit,” he mutters.  “I’ve wanted to say all of this to you, for years.  I just couldn’t make myself do it, until tonight.”

“Well,” I sigh.  “I mean, if you want to kiss me so badly,  I guess you can consider it more payback for the tub incident.”  

Have I completely lost my mind?

“Payback huh?” He smiles and laughs a little bit.  “It’s more like a Christmas gift, don’t you think?”

“Well I mean if…”

I start to say it but he doesn’t hesitate to take me up on my offer.  It takes him just seconds to tuck a strand of hair back behind my ear and hold my face in both of his hands, before giving me the most passionate kiss I think I’ve ever received in my lifetime, right in the middle of his kitchen.