December 31st.

You could've rolled your eyes
Told me to go to hell
Could've walked away
But you're still here
And I'm still here
Come on let's see where it goes

Charlie and I sit in an empty house. I'm stretched out on the couch in my ugly Dallas Cowboys sweater that Hannah got me for Christmas, black leggins and white socks. Charlie lays beneath me on the floor, my hand haphazardly rubbing up and down his head. I glance up at the clock above the TV and return my gaze to the Supernatural New Year's eve marathon. Hannah tried her hardest to pull me out of the house and join her and her friends at some party down town but I relented. Even momma has plans with her friends tonight. I'm fighting a cold, I guess from crying so much out in the freezing tempuratures these past few days. I just don't have the energy tonight. Plus, I'm kind of enjoying it. I did step out earlier to grab a bottle of Grey Goose that I've been laying into a bit.

Tom has texted me a few times, which I didn't even remotely expect. This isn't the first Christmas or New Years that we've spent apart but he's usually face deep in some other woman's chest by now. It suprising that he's even thinking about me while he's in Chicago. I think I'm going to try harder with him. Sure he's a cheating jerk, but I haven't exactly been giving him one hundred percent of me. I've never tried to love him, I didn't want to. But I'm thirty five and I'm not getting any younger. Hell, I might even start to like him once I decide to give him the time of day. Who knows.

The credits begin to roll and I roll up onto my butt, swinging my legs off the couch and sitting up. I stretch like a cat and stand, shuffling into the kitchen to grab a cookie or two... or four. I top off my glass with fresh ice and grab a Sprite from the fridge and head back to my place on the couch, where Charlie still lays on the floor. I pop the top to the Sprite and pour the glass half full, then turn my attention to the Grey Goose, filling the glass the rest of the way. I swirl my finger around, mixing the contents and then tag a swig, exhaling and humming happily as I swallow the delicious nectar. My face is warm and my head is beginning to swim, just the feeling I was looking for. I cuddle back into the couch and nibble on one of the cookies as Cas, Dean and Sam continue on their adventure.

I must have dozed off because a loud knock sends me into a near heart attack. I wake harshly, sitting straight up, my right hand grabbing onto the back of the couch for dear life. My reaction scares Charlie too, who jumps up and barks a few times as the sudden movement. I put my head in my hands to relax myself, then run my fingers through my hair before standing to my feet. I shush Charlie, who barks again and jog over to the door when the knock sounds again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I throw open the door, my eyes growing wide at the unexpected guest, "Justin."

"Hey," He says softly, smiling at me.

I shift uncomfortably, suddenly embarrassed at what I look like, "Hey."

He runs a hand through his hair, laughing a little, "I don't even know why I'm here I just... I was walking and I ended up here. Is that weird?"

"Kinda, yeah." We share a laugh, "You wanna um... come in?"

I pull the door open a little further and he steps in, "You want a drink or something? I've got some vodka." I ask, pointing towards the kitchen, then taking off towards it, not wanting to face him anymore than I have to.

"Grey Goose, huh?" He asks, shrugging out of his zip up hoodie to reveal a Grizzles t-shirt.

"It is my favorite."

He nods, sitting at the kitchen table, "I know. Remember that night at Cameron's?"

"Oh god," I sigh, handing him a glass and pulling out the chair across from him, "I haven't drank like that since then. That was bad."

We laugh again but an awkward silence falls over us. Justin takes a drink and then plays with the glass, watching it intently, unsure of what to say. We haven't done this in so long. We don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I mean, it's completely understandable, he's changed, I've changed, but it's kinda sad at the same time. I used to love our late night, on the way to McDonalds talks. They were some of the best I've ever had. I should have thought about that before I invited him in... but that would have been rude, I mean, he walked over here. Oh my god, this is a disaster.

"I'm suprised Hannah didn't drag you out tonight. She's quite the party girl I hear." He pipes up, taking another sip.

"Yeah, she tried to. I don't feel that great but it's been kinda nice just chillin' with Charlie. You and Hannah talk at all?" I ask, thumbing at the rim of my glass.

"Nah, not really. Every now and again we'll run into each other at the store or something and we'll talk a little bit but that's really it. Our mom's do most of the talking nowadays."

I nod in agreement, downing the rest of my drink and pulling the bottle toward me to pour another. Justin's watching me and I'm not sure why. I flick my eyes toward him but quickly route them back to my glass, where my pouring hand begins to shake. Stop looking at me! I push the bottle back to the middle of the table and now it's Justin's turn to refill his empty glass, "Um, what do you do?" I ask, trying to break the tension and silence.

"Wow," he laughs, sliding the bottle back towards me, "That's almost as bad as beautiful weather we're having."

I laugh with him, slipping my foot underneath me on the chair, "Don't laugh at me. This is weird, I don't know what to say."

He continues to chuckle, "I know, I know. I'm an architect."

"Wow, that's great. I thought maybe construction or something. You were always so good with your hands."

"Yeah, well, I was going to try and start my own furniture company but one thing led to another and here I am. I like it though. What about yourself? What do you do in that big city?"

"I'm a laywer at George and Stanford. I'm actually up for partner."

His eyes widen at my admission and he sits back in his chair, "Partner? That is great Aria, you don't even sound excited."

I shrug, looking back down at my glass, "I dunno, I am but I'm not. I'm just kinda lost right now, you know? I don't know which way is up."

He nods slowly, "I know the feeling. But, for what it's worth, congratulations."

I giggle, "Thanks." I take another drink, feeling a little more loose as my face begins to heat up, "I don't mean to get in you're business or anything and I apologize if this offends you, but Harper? Really?"

He slams his head back on the chair, drawing a laugh from me, "Who told you that?"

"Hannah, who as you know, is still the town gossip."

He sighs, spinning his glass on the table, " She's a good girl, she really is."

"She's ten years younger than us, Jay." I catch the nickname that slips from my mouth and bite the inside of my cheek a little, unsure of his reaction.

When he doesn't react, I relax a little. He throws his hands up, "Hey, she was legal when we started messing around. I'm in the clear. But yeah, she's great, she really is. We get along." He shurgs.

"Why aren't you with her tonight?"

He shrugs, "She's going to a rave. I'm not down with that shit."

"I mean, rave's are for, you know, high school kids." I shrug, making a face, trying to stiffle my laughter.

"Shut up," He chuckles, "What about Tyler?"

"Tom." I laugh

"Yeah, him too. What's he about?"

"He's in PR. He just transfered to Roc Nation. He's COO of... something," I laugh, "I don't really know."

Justin watches me intently, "Why do you stay?" He asks suddenly, "I mean, you don't even know what he does for a living and you've been together for how long?"

"Five years," I say matter of factly, letting out a breath and tucking some hair behind my ear, "I'm comfortable I guess. I'm thirty five, I don't want to have to start over with someone else."

"But you don't love him, you said so yourself."

I shrug, starting to get uncomfortable with this line of questioning, "I know that." I say, tucking some hair behind my ear again out of nervousness.

"Then why?"

"Why what?" I ask, exasperated, widening my eyes a little as I shift my weight on the chair and glance around the room.

"Why do you stay with him?"

"I said I don't know!" I exclaim, standing from my seat, "I don't really want to talk about this, okay?" I turn toward the refridgerator and head towards it, swinging open the door to look at nothing in particular.

I run my fingers through my hair out of anger again. I exhale, tapping my fingers against the door and biting my lip as I try to calm myself down. This was a bad idea. I shut the door, turn and instantly run into Justin's hard body. I try to back up but I'm pinned between him and fridge. He stands over me, his head cocked to the side as he glances up and down my body, "What are you doing?" I whisper, my chest starting to rise and fall quicker and quicker.

My eyes bounce back and forth between his, my mouth slightly agape as he peers down at me. His hot breath tickles my skin and causes the tiny hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end, "I don't know." He answers, placing his large hand on my side. He pushes me up against the fridge and leans in, his lips mere inches from mine, "I really don't know what I'm doing right now." He whispers, before crashing his lips on mine.

My hand flies to that beautiful head of hair, tangling my fingers in his locks as his tongue breaks through the barrier of my lips. I moan into him as he deepens the kiss, pushing his body into mine. He pushes his hands up into my sweater and I release his lips mometarily to gasp as his cold finger tips scurry across my warm skin. His lips drop down to my jaw line and his instantly finds that spot right behind my ear. God, he still knows. He nibbles a little on my earlobe, then returns to sucking on my neck as my nails dig into his sides. My eyes flutter shut and just as I'm starting to get lost in whatever this is, Charlie barks and my eyes pop open once more. Justin though, is unfazed by the dog and keeps on with his assault.

He pushes me up against the fridge again, removing his hands from underneath my sweater and underneath my arms. In one fell swoop, I'm lifted from my feet, my legs wrapping around his middle as he keeps me suspended, "Justin," I pant roughly as his tongue darts out and slides against my flaming neck, "Justin, what are we doing? What are we doing?"

He pulls back from me, his lips swollen with passion, "Stop talking."

"What about Harper?"

He shakes his head a little, "She doesn't have to know, now does she?" He whispers, "I won't tell her if you don't tell Tom, deal?"

This is wrong, I know it's wrong, he knows it's wrong but it feels so... "Do you feel that?" He whispers, pushing his body into mine a little more and dragging his index finger down my neck and in between my breasts, "That pull inside your chest. Like we're supposed to be here right now?" He whispers, his pink lips so close that they actually brush up against mine while he speaks.

"Oh god," I pant.

"I've walked past this house a thousand times since I saw you Christmas Eve. Like I'm being pulled here by you or something. So don't lawyer yourself out of this. It's one night. One final goodbye and whatever happens, happens. Tomorrow, it'll be a distant memory and you and I can finally say we've moved on."

He drags his thick thumb across my bottom lip slowly and I close my mouth instinctively around it, sucking gently, eyeing him as his mouth falls open. Pure fire is radiating from my body as he pulls me away from the fridge, claiming my mouth as his own once more. He sits me down gently on the edge of the counter, filling the space in between my legs as he digs his hands into my hair on both sides. I pull his lower half into mine, the rough denim of his jeans caressing me through the thin material of my leggins. I roll my hips into him again, the flame inside igniting even more at the friction our lower halves are causing.

He unlocks our mouths and lowers his forehead to mine, his right hand snaking down my body antagonizingly slow. It roams down my neck, then over my right breast, down my stomach and along my right thigh, his finger tips just ever so lightly making contact. He rubs my thigh as I throw my head back, biting my bottom lip as my hips continue to roll slowly into his crotch. He cocks his head to the side, watching me and then runs his fingers over my throbbing center, causing me to jump slightly. He grunts at my reaction to him and smiles as I seperate my legs more for him, allowing him and his deadly hand full access to me. His touch is light at first, my hips buck every now and again to try and get more pressure to my aching core.

"Mmmm, you like that baby?" He whispers, sucking in some air.

"Oh god, yes." I let out, "Oh fuck."

He pushes his thumb against me, causing a deep howl to erupt from me, then continues the circular motion with his index and middle finger. He pulls me to his chest and lowers his hot lips to my neck, sucking, licking and biting as his fingers continue their assault on me. My panties are so wet they stick to my lower half, the wetness beginning to bleed through to my leggings. His fingers are working faster now, more desperate as my breath beings to quicken and my shrieks hit new octives. He stops only momentarily, lifting me from the counter just high enough to jam his hand underneath the rim of my pants and pull them down around my ankles. They fall to the floor as he works my panties down my legs, leaning down to plant a few feather light kisses on my stomach and hips.

His fingers meet my warm flesh and the circle continues slowly as he pulls me to the very edge of the counter before getting down on his knees. I place both hands on his head and let my fingers roam through his locks, dropping my head back as the pangs of excitement bounce off the walls of my body. He dips two fingers inside of me and I let out a deep grunt, throwing my head forward as I pull on his hair. I jump at the touch of his cool tongue a few seconds later, my mouth falling open as my hips instincively start to move against his face. He pumps his fingers into me methodically, his tongue flicking at my center before his lips come down around it, pulling softly at my flesh.

I rock my hips into him, my moans filling up the kitchen as the pressure begins to build in the pit of my stomach. It's as if my body sends him a message, because hs fingers being pumping faster as he flattens his tongue against me, causing more pressure. My hips begin to buck uncontrollably against his assault, the waves threatening to flood the banks, "Give it to me baby," He whispers, pulling his mouth from me, "Give me that sweetness."

"Fuck, I'm close. Oh god, right there Jay, right there!"

He pumps his fingers into me furisouly, his tongue circling me firmly as my hips meet his each and every stride. I moan loudly, my fingers pulling his hair so hard I might pull it out from his scalp. A few more thrusts from those thick fingers and my limit is met. My legs tighten around his head as the orgasm washes over and through me, my hips still bucking wildly into him. Justin continues to work his fingers inside of me, licking my flesh as the small aftershocks continue to ripple through my hypersensitive body. My chest rises and falls roughly, a lazy smiles spreads across my face as I told my weight on my palms. Justin stands and leans over toward the faucet, turning it on and dipping his hands underneath the cool water, slashing it over his mouth and chin.

He returns his attention to me once he's cleaned up, wrapping his arm around my bare waist, "Thirsty?"

I nod slowly and he dips his large palm underneath the stream again, cupping the liquid. He brings his palm to my lips and I lower my mouth to it, sucking up the water before planting a kiss on his large palm. He cups my face then runs his hand down my neck as I straighten up, pulling his body closer to mine with my legs. I throw my arms over his shoulder and massage his neck with my lips, sucking harshly as he grunts lowly. He places his hands underneath my butt and lifts me again, "You're bedroom is still at the top to the right, right?"

"Mm hmm."

He starts up the stairs, making his way to my room like we had so many times before in the past. Once in my room, he drops me on my bed and turns to shut and lock the door, "Your momma is gone for the night?" He asks, pulling his t-shirt over his head to reveal his chest and abs.

"It's a little late to worry about that, isn't it?" I giggle, pulling my own sweater off and tossing it to the floor.

He unzips his jeans as I reach behind and unclasp my bra, "This feels like old times, doesn't it?" He asks as he saunters over towards me in nothing but his black boxer briefs.

I nod as I toss my bra across the room, "Us waiting patiently for my mom to leave before we ran upstairs." I giggle.

"Hannah would purposfully wait as long as possible to leave with her friends." He chuckles.

"Goddamn Hannah."

I lay back as he climbs on top of me, his lips kissing a trail from the top of my foot to my neck, his gold chain dragging along as it drapes from his neck. When he lowers down ontop of my naked form, I feel him pressing into my thigh. My legs instantly spread as if on cue and he takes his spot in between them. He kisses me again quickly, then arranges my legs around his waist. I reach down, cupping his bulge in hand and massaging him gently, giggling some as his eyes flutter shut, his long, dark lashes resting against his creamy skin. I dip my hands into his the thin material covering his waist and pull them down as much as possible, before grabbing him again.

Justin grabs my hand and guides it up and down on himself a few times, then pushes toward my opening. He stops just as he's about the break the plain and wiggles his hips seductively, teasing me. Just as I'm about to protest, he sinks inside of me, pushing slowly as I adjust to take him all in. I arch my back, pressing my bare chest into his as he pulls back his hips, nearly exiting me fully before sinking back down into me. He nuzzles his face into the side of my neck, my hands roaming up and down his back as he sets his pace. He picks his head up, placing it on my forehead, stealing a kiss a now and again, "I want you on your knees baby."

I nod frantically as he pulls out of me, and scurry to my hands and knees, facing away from him as his hand runs up and down my spine. I feel him positioning himself behind me, the bed dipping in as he gets to his knees. He places his hands on either sides of my hips and presses himself at my opening again, sinking his entire length into me. His pace is a little quicker now, his thrusts more forceful as he grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls, craining my head back as he slams into me. This is just how it used to be all those years ago. Hannah, out with her friends, my mother either taking her weekly grocery store trip or playing bridge with her church friends and Justin and I's bodies crashing into one anothers, our sounds filling my mother's small home.

The pressure begins to fill my stomach again but this time it's rising faster and harder than the time before, "I'm close Jay, oh god, I'm about to come!"

He continues slamming into me, harder and harder with each thrust, touching my spot each and every time in a glorious manner. I slam my eyes shut as I feel my body begin to tighten around him and his thrusts become quicker and more frantic. One last slam and I'm shattering around him, the fire still burning in the pit of my stomach. With a fistfull of my hair still in his grasp, he tugs harshly, my tight wetness coaxing his own juices from him as he finally lets go. We continue to move against each other as he spills himself into me, grunting lowly as he releases my hair and flattens his palms against my back before grabbing handfuls of my ass.

I fall to the matress and Justin flips me over before falling into me, his head resting in the crook of my neck. His fingers begin to traces circles aimlessly around my breasts and nipples, playing with them, causing me to jump slightly. We don't talk for a long time, not because we don't know what to say but because no words need to be expressed. Even if we never see or speak to each other again, nothing needs to be said right in this moment. We both know nothing is going to change, we're both adults. He's going to get up, change and head home to Harper and I'm going to fly home the day after tomorrow to Tom. But, we've made our amends. We visited the past and for about an hour, all was right with us. I cuddle into him a little more as he wraps his arms around me and I close my eyes, exhaling happily.

Happy New Years to me.

***

January 1st.

I crack my eyes open, squinting as the bright sun cascades through the blindes and into my room. I roll over onto my back before sitting up and rubbing my eyes. Justin is long gone. I felt his warmth leave me in the wee hours of the morning. He tucked me in before he left, leaving a kiss on my forehead before decending the stairs and sneaking back home in the darkness. I turn toward my nightstand and notice my phone plugged in and charging, at first confused at how it ended up in my room. I grab it, setting my thumb on the home button, letting it read my print before it opens up into the note pad.

I meant what I said. Start trying to be happy for you.
You deserve it.
J

I drop the phone to the mattress and smile a cheesey ass grin, dropping my head into my hands as I giggle softly to myself. That man is nothing short of a miracle worker, I swear. A noise sounds from downstairs and my heart sinks as the memories from last night flash to the forfront. My underwear and leggings are in the kitchen and either Hannah or my mom could find them and know that something went down.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I scramble quickly, throwing the covers off of me but stop when I see my black leggings drapped over the back of the small chair that sits in the opposite corner. I walk over to the chair and drop my head at the sight of my underwear barely peeking out from underneath my Cowboys sweater. See? I told you, he's a miracle worker.

"Hey Aria, you wanna- oh shit! Why are you naked?!" Hannah screams, throwing her hands up in front of her face.

"Because I'm in my room! God, don't you knock?! Close the damn door!" I scream back, jumping back into my bed and covering myself up to my neck.

"You don't sleep naked, what the fuck?" She asks, closing the door and plopping down on the edge of my bed, "The front door was unlocked when I got home."

I scoff, dismissing her, "Oh please. I got drunk, I guess I just stripped down and passed out."

She eyes me for a minute, trying to catch a look from me but changes the subject when she doesn't get one, "Anyway, can I talk you into staying a few days later? I feel like we haven't spent any time together."

"I've gotta get back. But I promise, I will start coming home more often."

She sighs, standing, "I guess you will now that you and Justin have gotten that obligitory haven't seen you in fifteen years but still have feelings for you fuck out of the way." My face falls at her words as she turns and heads towards the door, "Yeah, so Kim and I snuck in while you were asleep on the couch. We heard the entire thing. Don't worry though," she says, holding the door knob with her hand as she steps through the threshold and into the hallway, "I won't tell mom that you got head in the kitchen."

"How the fuck do you know that happened if you were upstairs the whole time?!" I screetch.

She sucks in some air, "Yeah, so, Kim and I might have snuck downstairs when we heard all the commotion."

"Oh my god." I groan, slamming my head into my hands again.

She laughs wildly, "I won't tell a soul, I promise." She shuts the door behind her and skips down the stairs.

I throw my head back into my pillow, wishing I could melt into it, "Aria!" Momma calls a few minutes later.

"Yeah?"

"Breakfast."

"Alright, give me a minute."

I throw the covers away from me again and change into some comfortable clothes. There's change in the air this morning, even I can smell it. That weight I've been carrying around all these years is gone. I feel as if I've been handed the key to my cell door. And I'm ready to unlock it. I ready to walk out and breathe fresh air again. All because of him.

My Justin.