August 2000

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they react to news they don’t want to hear. When someone has their fairy tale dream of how their life is going to turn out and then in a matter of seconds it all changes. 

It was a chilly day and the sun was struggling to peak out of the clouds that filled the car. I sat nervously on Justin’s couch trying desperately to calm down and act like an actual human. I was having major case of deja vu, Justin paced around the room mumbling to himself. He moved his hands  around as he practiced his speech. 

I thought telling my parents would be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but just the thought of having to meet Justin’s parents the same day we tell them I’m pregnant with his child, gives me heart palpitations . I don’t think I should be here when he tells his parents. I’ve never even met them and I’m not convinced they even know I exist. My mother still isn’t talking to me, my father calls me every day to make sure we haven’t run to Vegas to elope. I can’t handle another set of parents hating me. 

Justin and I never fight, but oh my god I want to strangle him when he insists that I’m here to tell his parents with him. I told him a thousand times that I shouldn’t be here, but he doesn’t understand why he was with me to tell my parents and I shouldn’t be there with him to tell his. Of course, it’s complete different because my parents have him over all the time and I honestly doubt Justin’s parents even know my name.

I’m nervous enough to meet Justin’s parents. I want his mother to like me and this is pretty much guaranteeing that she hates me before she even gets to know me. 

Justin let out a sigh and fell on the couch next to me, “Are you doing alright?”

I shot him a side eye. 

“It’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fine. She’ll like you just… be yourself and she’ll like you.”

“She’s not going to like me, I’m pregnant with her son’s child.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” he snapped, “If anything she’ll like you more because you’re pregnant with my kid.”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped back,  “Of course she’s not going to like, what like you’re thirty and craving grandbabies? Please.”  

I stood up and walked to the piano to get away from him.  Just being close to him makes me want to scream. He doesn’t get it. And we sure as hell am not dealing with the stress of the situation the right way. We’re just taking it out on each other, I get that, but I really want to punch him in the face.

It didn’t take long for Justin to sit next to me at the piano. He began strumming the lower keys as I played the higher, then started playing Heart and Soul. I chuckled but played along. 

When we finished the song I rested my head on his shoulder. “I’m terrified,” I whispered. 

I waited a few seconds for him to say something, to assure me it would all be ok but he never did. I turned to look at him and he wrapped his arms around me, kissed my forehead, and stood up so he could continue his pacing.

“This is so stupid,” I answered under my breath. 

I could tell by the way Justin’s mother looked at me when she first arrived that it was going to be a disaster. She looked me over and plastered a fake smile on her face, making it clear that she wasn’t nearly as impressed with me as her son was. She didn’t ask me one question about myself all night, and anytime Justin tried to bring me into the conversation she answered condescendingly and changed the subject back to her son. In fact, all she did was talk about her son and what was happening with his music. 

Later in the night we were sitting on the couch, similar to the way we were a few nights earlier with my parents. I could tell Justin was getting ready to tell his parents by the way he was nervously tapping his leg. 

“So, ya’ll fixin’ to go back on tour then?” Justin’s mother asked, oblivious to it all. 

I’m not even the slightest bit surprised she isn’t picking up on his clues. All she’s been doing since she got here is asking about his tour and his music. She hasn’t even pretended to be interested in me or the fact that her son likes a girl enough to actually have her meet them. She just wants to talk more and more about her son and what he does for a living.

“Are you two alright? Is everything ok?” Justin’s step-father, Paul, asked looking between us. He’s much friendlier than his wife, he’s been asking me questions and trying to get to know me. Of course, Justin’s mother manages to change the subject back to her son every time. 

I looked back at Justin, who swallowed hard and nodded his head. I placed my hand on his lap and smiled when I noticed Paul turn his worried gaze to me, “Would you like a drink? Can I get anyone a drink?”

“Oh darlin’, we don’t need a drink,” Lynn answered condescendingly in her southern drawl, the same way she’s been talking to me since we’ve met. She continued under her breath, “asking me if I want a drink in my own boy’s house.”

I bit my lip.

“Justin,” I spoke softly and gently kicked his foot to get his attention, “Do you want to come with me into the kitchen to get a drink?”

“Darlin’ nobody wants a drink,” Lynn spoke loudly, plastering a fake smile on her face. 

“OK,” I faked a smile right back at her. I can be a condescending bitch too. “I just thought he could use some water,” I continued under my breath, “and that he could speak for himself, but obviously—“

“What’s wrong baby?” she turned to Justin. I took a deep breath to calm myself, she just called her twenty year old son baby. 

“Justin,” I spoke between clenched teeth. I can’t deal with his mother on my own, he’s going to have to wake up at some point.

“Oh no, nothing. Sorry. I just have a lot of stuff going on and I—“ he finally joined the conversation but stopped mid sentence. 

“Justin Randall, do you think I was born yesterday? I know when something is bothering my boy. It’s all going to be ok, Mama’s here now. You best tell me what it is.”

“No Ma, nothing’s wrong,” Justin turned to me and grabbed my hand, “I just really wanted you to meet Mac and I wanted you to know that I really like, I mean, love. I love her, we’re in love.”

“Well…ok? That’s great, Justin. That’s fine. You just need to make sure she doesn’t get in the way of everything. You’re very busy and you need to remember what’s important right now. You need to focus and you can’t let her distract you.”

I’m not sure why everyone that surrounds Justin likes to talk about me as if I’m not sitting right here. I’m invisible as far as they’re concerned. 

“Yeah Ma, I know.”

“I’m not saying you don’t know. This is the most important part of your career. You need to work hard or it’ll all go away.”

Justin took a deep breath and squeezed my hand,  I get the feeling he’s heard this speech a few times before. He gave me a look that told me he was ready.  I nodded my head, and rubbed his palm with my thumb to comfort him. Let’s get this over with. He cleared his throat and spoke just above a whisper, “We’re going to have a baby.”

I had flashbacks to my parent’s reaction to the same news. My mother, walking out of the house without a word. My father, staring us down with a look of disappoint I’d never seen before. 

Lynn’s reaction was to laugh. She straight up laughed, then glared at me and her face froze. “You’re not going to have a baby, you’re twenty years old. There’s no need to rush into anything crazy.”

“No Ma, you don’t get it. Mac’s pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”

Lynn bit her lip and stared me down. She shook her head and began pacing around the room, a nervous tick she shares with her son. 

“Are you out of her fucking mind?” she shouted, looking straight at me. She couldn’t have been talking to me, she’s hardly said three words to me all night. She hasn’t tried to get to know me or ask me one question. Actually, I don’t even think she’s acknowledged me before Justin told her I am pregnant. This can’t be the first question she asks me, Are you out of your fucking mind>

“You are—“ she held her hand up and took a deep breath before continuing and turning to Justin, “You are twenty years old. Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Right, and you were how old when you had me?” Justin snapped right back at her. 

“Justin Randall don’t you dare! That was different and you know it. I was married, first of all.”

“We’ll get married.”

“Justin,” I spoke up softly, I don’t know why he always goes back to that.

“Oh, you’d like that wouldn’t you?” she turned her attention back to me, “You think you can just come in, get yourself pregnant, and trick my son into marrying you? You think you can take advantage of him and never have to work a day in your life? You’re a gold digging whore!”

“Stop Ma,” Justin jumped up and blocked me from his mother, “What is wrong with you?”

“Don’t you talk to me like that!” She shouted, moving closer to me, “You think that I don’t see what you’re trying to do?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t talk to her like that,” Justin shouted, putting his arm around my waist. And thank god he did I feel like I’m going to pass out.

“What am I supposed to do, pretend I don’t know what she’s doing? She is ruining your life Justin, wake up! How will this look? You go and get this little slut pregnant and she collects child support and doesn’t have to work a day in her life. Don’t be so naive Justin, I raised you better than that.”

I couldn’t just sit there and listen to all of this so I stood up and grabbed my purse. If they expect me to listen to this bitch talk to me like that they’re all out of their fucking minds. 

“Wait, Mac, come on. Don’t—“ he chased after me before I made it to the door, “She doesn’t mean it. Right Ma, you don’t mean it? Apologize to her.”

“Oh no, I mean it Justin. I’m not apologizing for anything.”

I knew I didn’t want to cry in front of her, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be able to hold it in much longer. I couldn’t let her see me cry, I didn’t want her to know she had the power to make me cry. Instead I took a deep breath and used all my strength to look  into her eyes and be brave, “You know, you’ve got me all wrong. I love your son. He loves me. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Oh, we’ll just see about that, won’t we?”

It took all I had not to punch her in the face, but instead I calmly walked out of the house and grabbed my cell phone from my purse so I could call Kelly to come pick me up. I walked down the driveway and made it outside of Justin’s gate and sat on the curb, trying desperately to control the sobs. 

The gate opened again and Justin came running outside, “Good you’re still here, I thought you left,” he knelt down beside me, “Come back inside, don’t go. I’m so sorry.”

“I can’t, I need to go, I can’t stay here.”

“Mac, please. I’m so sorry about my mother. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, she’s not like that. She’ll come around. You don’t have to leave.”

“I do,” I answered softly as I stood up to walk away. Luckily Kelly pulled up the street, and I hopped in the car, “I just can’t stay here.”

“Please, Mac. Just let me talk to her and she’ll apologize. She doesn’t mean it.”

“Of course she means it,” I answered between sniffles, “Just let me go. Go Kel, drive.”

Kelly didn’t say anything, but drove away. I watched Justin in the rareview mirror as we drove off, he threw his head in his hands and fell to the curb. 

There are so many good things about having Kelly as a best friend. We’ve been through a lot and she’s always there for me and always knows the right thing to say to make me feel better. After I told her everything that happened she almost turned the car around to give Justin’s mother a piece of her mind. “Who cares what she thinks? She’s one of those overbearing stage mothers that like, forces her son to take voice lessons from the age of three and practice eight hours a day!”

“I care what she thinks. She’s Justin’s mother.”

“Mac, she has lived off her son since he was ten. That’s not normal. She’s not normal. I know it sucks but she’s crazy. She’s obviously crazy. What did Justin say?”

“He just said he was sorry and that she’ll come around. He said he doesn’t know what’s wrong with her.”

“I doubt anyone knows what’s wrong with her,” she answered with a smile, “Wanna go get drunk on ice cream?”

“I absolutely want to go get drunk on ice cream.”

~~~~~~~~~

When Kelly drove me back to my apartment Justin was sitting against the front door with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He quickly jumped up when he saw me, “Are you ok?”

I nodded my head as I unlocked the door and waved at Kelly before she drove off. Justin waited outside when I walked in. I turned around, “Aren’t you coming in?”

He smiled softly and followed me inside, closing the door behind himself. “I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what she’s— she’s not like that.”

I placed my bag on the couch and went to the kitchen sink where I filled the kettle with water and placed it on the stove. I don’t know what to say to him, I don’t have anything to say. 

“Mac,” he wanted me to say something, but what am I supposed to say? Am I supposed to forgive him for his horrible mother? I can’t say it’s ok because it’s not. I’m not ok with it. 

“Justin.”

He let out a sigh and jumped on the counter, pulling me so I was standing between his legs, “My mother’s… you know, I’m all she has. She’s spent her whole life worrying about me and focusing on me. She’s always urged me to follow my dreams and work hard and she took me all over for auditions and everything. I mean, she put her life on hold so I could do what I wanted to do.”

“OK,” I answered softly, “That’s one way to look at it.” I pulled away from him and grabbed two mugs and teabags from the cabinet. 

“What does that mean? What’s another way to look at it?”

“Nevermind, I shouldn’t have said—“

“Mac, what?”

I turned to face him, nervous I was going to open up a whole new bag of worms, “Justin, she’s your mother and I don’t want to get in the middle of that. I just think that, sure maybe she put her life on hold to do what you want. Or maybe she kind of pressured you into it. I mean you were just a kid and had a lot of responsibility, because she quit her job and kind of relied on you. I know you love what you do, and you’re amazing and it’s your calling. But, do you think that maybe she put a little too much focus on that? I mean, you were a child and she put so much pressure on you. You’ve been taking care of her and paying the bills since you were fourteen years old. You bought her a house.”

He licked his lips and took a few seconds to really think about what I said, as if he’s never even considered it before.  Finally, he shook his head, “It’s not like that. She couldn’t work. She had to take me everywhere and she couldn’t just leave me alone.”

“OK,” I answered as I poured us each a cup of tea. I handed one to him and went to sit on the couch. It was a few seconds before he followed me. 

“I’m not going to make excuses for her, because there is no excuse. She owes you an apology and she will apologize to you. I’ll make sure of it.”

I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“Your parents are so cool,” he continued, “I know that didn’t go particularly well but your parents get it. Your father focused on what matters. My mother only cares about  my career. That’s all she ever cares about. I wish it would have gone better, Mac, I really do.”

I gave him a weak smile, “It’ll be ok. We’ll figure it out. And it’s over, we told everyone we need to tell. Now we can just relax and breathe.”