March, 2014

I swear it would be easier if this kid had his cell phone surgically attached to his hand.  Technology is such a pain in the ass. I miss the old days when you had to have actual human contact with someone instead of sending a text message. 

I sat crosslegged on the chair in the living room, half reading a book while Chris laid on the couch across from me, with his phone above his head. He laughed each time he received a message, enjoying his new ringtone, a squeaky voice repeating the words “text message” over and over again. The most annoying sound I’ve heard in my life. Easily.

I dropped my book to my lap, “Who are you talking to?”

He continued typing, not even realizing I was talking to him. The teen years have officially started.

“Huh?” he asked when he finally placed his phone on his stomach. 

“Who are you texting?” I repeated slower this time.

“Landon,” he laughed again at the squeaky voice. 

“He just left.” Like, literally he just left. Ten minutes ago. He was over after school playing basketball, he stayed for dinner, and he just left.

Chris shrugged, finished typing, and placed the phone back on his stomach, “So?”

“Never mind. Can you at least turn your ringer down? I’m trying to read.”

“Yesss,” he answered softly, as he turned the ringer down. At least he still listens, maybe we’re not completely at the teenage years yet.

“Thank you,” I returned my attention back to my book, then quickly placed it in my lap again, “Have you talked to Justin much?”

Chris took a few seconds before he responded, just to see me sweat. “The other day.”

“What do you guys talk about?”

He let out a sigh and turned to look at me for the first time all night, “he just asked how I was doing and told me I could talk to him whenever and blah blah blah.”

“Blah blah blah?”

“Yeah,” Chris chuckled, “he asked if I was watching the Lakers game and that kind of stuff.”

“Do you answer him?”

“Sometimes,” he shrugged. 

“OK,” I hid my smile behind my book. I know it doesn’t mean much, but this makes me so happy. Sure, Chris will only talk to Justin through texts, and sure it’s only about basketball, but these tiny baby steps are so important. We’re making progress. 

Chris’s phone rang and he didn’t answer it, instead he got this panic look on his face and turned to me. “He’s calling me.”

“Who?” I asked, putting my book down again. 

“Justin.”

“Well, answer it.”

“I don’t want to answer it.”

“Chris, if he’s calling you, you really should answer.”

“I know but I don’t want to,” he whined,  “Why do you think he’s calling me?”

“Answer and find out. Sweetie, you gotta answer.”

“Fine,” he took a deep breath, before picking up his phone. He’s so nervous, it’s weird to see him like this. “Hello?” Chris’s voice was different when he talked to his father. He was quiet and shy, two words I never thought I would use to describe my son. “Yeah… OK….Uh huh…. I dunno. Can Landon come?… Yeah…. OK…. I will… Bye.”

When my dear, sweet son finished the conversation he dropped his phone back to his stomach, not even considering that I might be interested to know what the call was about. I gave him a look. 

“He said he got a box for the Lakers/Celtics game Saturday and wanted to know if we want to go.”

I smiled, “And what’d you say?”

“I said fine but if Landon can come.”

“Chris…”

“He said he can come!”

I shrugged, “So we’re going to the game?”

“Whatever,” he answered, trying his hardest not to sound excited. We’ve been to a few Lakers games, he’s gone to a bunch with Landon’s father, but he’s definitely never been in a box. He’s excited, whether he wants to admit it or not. “He said you should call him.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Saturday came before we knew it. I don’t think Chris was fully prepared, I really hate that he gets so nervous around his father. I’m hoping that with Landon here Chris will be able to relax a little. 

Justin told me to park in a special VIP lot. A man with a clipboard checked us in and walked us up to the private suite. Of course, Justin couldn’t come and pick us up, because god forbid we walk in with him and be seen together. I’m honestly surprised he’d even invite us to something with so many people, but I guess we’ll be safe in the privacy of a VIP suite. 

I don’t know why this little thing bothers me so much, it’s been like this since I even met Justin. It’s easier this way, I definitely don’t want Chris’s face plastered on the cover of every magazine. I’m sure that’s what would happen if the world found out. It’s better for Justin to keep this part of his life private.

When the usher brought us to the suite he reminded us there was a phone to call down if anything didn’t meet our expectations.  Chris tried his hardest to contain his excitement. Landon, on the other hand, had no problem admitting this was the coolest thing he’s ever done. He couldn’t hide that smile if he tried.  

Justin was already in the suite when we got in, drinking a bottle of beer and talking to the bartender. Yes, there’s a bartender in the suite. Chris and Landon ran right to the balcony, in awe of the view. 

“You made it,” Justin smiled as he made his way over to me.

“Yeah, are we late?”

“Nah, you’re good,” he pulled me into a hug, “How’s it going?”

“Good, we’re excited. They’re excited,” I nodded to the boys. 

“I see that,” he smiled, nervously placing his hands in his dark jeans, “You think uh, today will be a good day or what?”

“Well, Landon will be great,” I laughed, looking over at the boys, climbing over the seats, “Chris will probably still be quiet, but maybe you can figure out a way to talk to him on your own for a bit.”

Justin nodded his head and took another sip of his beer, I hate seeing him so nervous. When can we get to the part where both Justin and Chris feel normal around each other? I waved the boys over and Chris stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked down at his feet. I looked between Justin and Chris, both standing there awkwardly, with their hands in their pockets, then turned to Landon whose smiling face calmed me down and brought a smile to my own. 

“Landon, this is Justin, Chris’s father. Justin this is Landon, Chris’s best friend,” I had hoped Chris would do the introductions but I guess we’re not ready for that yet.

Justin cleared his throat and snapped out of the awkwardness. “Hey Landon, I’ve heard so much about you. Nice to meet you buddy,” he spoke with a big smile and held his hand out to shake. 

“Hi Mr. T, it’s nice to meet you too,” Landon answered politely. 

“Oh no, just call me Justin, alright?”

“OK,” he nodded his head and turned to Chris. 

“Hey Chris, how's it going?”

Chris shrugged instead of answering, I’m trying not to micromanage here but I’m definitely sending mental messages to my son to actually use his words.

Justin turned back to me, and the four of us stood in silence. 

“This is so cool,” Landon broke the silence, “I’ve never been in a box before. Thanks for letting me come, Mr. T.”

Justin chuckled, throwing his head back, “Yeah, no problem Landon. I’m glad you’re here, but please don’t call me Mr. T, I don’t have nearly enough gold chains. I pity the fool!”

I laughed, but the two boys looked at us as if we were crazy. I’m used to that look from Chris but I’ve never seen it from Landon. 

“Really?Mr. T? The gold chains?” Justin turned back to me, “God, we’re old. You guys really don’t know who Mr. T is?”

“Let it go, old man,” I smiled. 

“Yeah, right,” Justin chuckled and turned to look around the suite, “Well hey, thanks for coming. They’ll be bringing more food out throughout the night, but you can help yourselves to whatever you want. There’s drinks in those bins over there. Mac, full service bar. You can sit wherever you want, the game will be on the TVs around the suite but I mean, you could do that at home. The seats with the view are where it's at.” Justin waited for a few seconds, looking over the boys. Chris was still looking at the floor, and Landon still had that smile. 

“OK, well go get some food!” I said as I placed my hands on Chris’s shoulders, “Smile. Be happy. Have fun.”

Chris smiled shyly and followed Landon to the food table while I followed Justin to the bar. He handed me a tequila sunrise, my drink of choice back in the day.  

I chuckled as I took the glass from his outstretched hand, “I don’t think I can handle my tequila like I used to.”

Justin raised his eyebrow and gave me a half smile, “Who are you trying to kid? You couldn’t handle your tequila back then either. One drink won’t hurt, this is the good stuff. My tequila.”

“You have your own tequila?” I don’t know why I’m surprised, “Of course you have your own tequila.”

Justin chuckled as he watched me take a sip, “You knew that, remember when I saw you a few years ago—“

I nodded my head and spoke quickly so he wouldn’t continue talking about that time I saw him a few years ago, “You were thinking about it I didn’t know you did it.”

“Well I did it.”

“Of course you did.”

He smiled, “Good, right?”

“Yeah, really good. Very smooth.”

Once again, Justin gave me that half smile he has, “Always smooth.”

“Oh, here we go,” I rolled my eyes and turned to watch Chris fill a plate at the make your own nacho stand. 

Justin followed my gaze, then turned back to me, “How’s it going with him?” he asked, nodding towards our son.

“It’s good. He’s been busy though so…”

“Yeah,” Justin answered, staring into space, “I mean, did he seem excited to come or nervous or—?”

I watched Justin carefully, praying that his son was even the slightest excited to come tonight. He knows Chris isn’t excited to see him, but he’s hoping maybe he can win him over with his special celebrity benefits. This luxury box for a Lakers/Celtics game is a good first shot. 

“Um he, yeah he seemed excited,” I stumbled over my words. Justin nodded his head, fully understanding my sugarcoating. I wish I would have done a better job. “Justin, he’s excited to be here, this is great for him. He’s just not ready to show excitement with anything that has to do with you. He’ll come around.”

“Yeah, I know,” Justin answered softly, his eyes following Chris to the seats on the balcony. 

“But Chris is super impressed. Just look at how excited Landon is, Chris is at least that excited but trying not to show it. He’ll crack at some point, we’ll see a smile.”

Justin chuckled and grabbed a plate as I followed him through the nacho line. 

“This room is pretty impressive Justin, even for you. How’d you manage this?”

“My agent has the room, said I can have access whenever I want.”

“Your agent?” I coughed back a chuckle, “He must be super excited you decided to take us.”

“She,” he corrected me, raising an eyebrow, “I have a new agent since… all of that. She’d be happy ya’ll are here.”

“Does she know about—“

“She would be happy. If she knew.”

I nodded my head and piled on the nachos, not sure about how I should feel about this. I’m glad he’s not with the agents he had back when Chris was born. For a brief second I thought that maybe he had new agents that know everything about Chris and I. It’s really stupid of me to think that, even if it was only for a second. Justin lives two completely different lives, they don’t intersect. They can’t intersect. 

We made our way out to the balcony overlooking the stadium and sat down in the big, comfy chairs behind Chris and Landon. To be honest, I didn’t watch much of the game. Instead I watched Chris and Justin. They’re so much alike without even knowing it. I wish they’d notice, I wish either of them would pick up on it and then maybe they’d feel a little better, feel a little more connected instead of feeling like strangers. 

They both sat nervously, resting their elbows on their thighs, their fingers intertwined holding up their chins. They both leaned back with confidence when Kobe had the ball, and were at the edge of their seat when the Celtics stole it away. 

It’s weird how they can be so alike and yet know so little about each other. It’s amazing actually, it’s awesome. Someday they’re both going to realize it and then everything will be ok. 

I felt a little overwhelmed, sitting in a luxury box, looking over The Staples Center, with my son and his father. Together. Sure, they’re not exactly talking but they’re in the same room together. I never thought this day would come. 

Justin turned to me and flashed a smile. He gets it, he’s been waiting for these kinds of moments forever. It’s not going as easily as he’d like, but he’s happy with the slow progress we’re making. I watched the smile slide off his face when he noticed my eyes filling with water. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked in a whisper. 

I shook my head and smiled, “Nothing. It’s good.”

Justin smiled again and gently rubbed my leg to comfort me. Chris got out of the chair in front of Justin, who quickly took his hand off my lap. I laughed, realizing how panicked we both were with the idea of Chris seeing something so innocent. Justin chuckled and nodded towards Chris, before taking a deep breath and following him to the food. 

Landon turned around in the seat in front of me and smiled. 

“What’s up, Landon? Having fun?”

“Yeah, I’m having so much fun!” He hopped over the seat to sit next to me, “I like him. I think it’s cool.”

“Oh yeah?” I smiled, if Landon likes Justin, Chris will like him. That’s how it works. If Landon didn’t like him, then we’d have a problem.

“Yeah. He’s cool. My dad says it makes sense.”

“Why?”

“He says Justin used to be at your house a lot when you first moved in.”

I laughed. Justin and I thought we were so sneaky back then, only to find out Landon’s parents, who live a couple houses down the street, knew Justin was coming to my house all along.  “Did you tell that to Chris?”

“No,” Landon shook his head, “Dad said I shouldn’t.”

“Thanks, Landon. You’re all right.”

I want to try and get some more information out of Landon, specifically what Chris has told him about his father. Unfortunately, I have this thing about trusting my son and not violating his trust. So instead, we talk about his baby sister.

It was a ten minutes later when Chris came back to the balcony, arms full of Lakers merchandise: t-shirts, hoodies, backpacks, hats. I’m pretty sure I even saw a travel mug and a blanket.

“What did you—?” I began. 

Chris ignored me and sat down next to Landon, going through the pile and handing him one of everything. Chris was smiling, I didn’t miss that. 

When Justin made his way back to us I tried again, “What did you—?”

“Oh relax, I got you one, too!” he smiled and tossed me a sweatshirt. 

“Justin,” I answered calmly, “You don’t have to buy him—“

“He’s smiling. And he talked to me, for like five minutes straight.”

“Because you bought him one of everything!”

“I’ll take it,” Justin chuckled, “He was smiling and he talked to me. I’ll take it, Mac.”

“Yeah, OK,” I watched Chris going through his new things with excitement, smiling and laughing, finally acting like himself. “But please don’t buy him stuff all the time.”

“I won’t,” Justin held his hands up, “If it’s that big of a deal give me the sweatshirt back.”

I pulled it out of his reach, “No, it’s cute.”

“Yeah, it’s cute,” Justin chuckled with an eye roll as he placed his newly bought hat on his head, “So stop complaining.”