September 2000

That day with Justin’s mother was easily the worst day of my life. I had never been treated like that, like a piece of trash, and I didn’t know how to react. I knew it wouldn’t go well, but I never even imagined it could go as horrible as it did. I wish I stood up for myself, I wish I would have screamed back at her. Now she probably thinks she can walk all over me and scare me away. 

It’s kind of funny that I thought the hard part was over once we told Justin’s mother I was pregnant. Funny in the sense that I was so stupid and naive, I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.

A few days after the worst day of my life I received an official looking letter in the mail. It was typed on legal letterhead and requested I meet with Justin’s lawyers and management to discuss “the situation”. I was surprised at the formal request, but not as surprised as Justin was when I opened it with him sitting next to me on the couch. It was at that moment I realized how out of our control this whole “situation” really is. 

Luckily, my father happens to be one of the best lawyers in Los Angeles. He wasn’t at all surprised when I immediately drove to my parents house and showed him the letter.  

The day of the meeting, I sat next to my father in his Mercedes as he drove to Justin’s house. I had no idea what to expect, but I prayed Justin’s mother wouldn’t be there. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but having my father there on my side made me feel much better. 

I nervously snapped my gum.

“Enough with the gum, Mackenzie.”

I accidentally snapped my gum one more time and received a glare from my father, “Sorry, it was an accident.” I rolled down the window and tossed the gum out. 

“An accident?” he took a deep breath, “There’s no need to be nervous. I know what I’m doing.”

“I know you do.”

“That being said, don’t agree to anything without discussing it with me first. Let me do all the talking.”

I nodded my head and bit at my lip, trying to mentally prepare for the debacle that was ahead of me. All I know is I’m going to be surrounded my intimidating men in suits who don’t even know me but are going to have no problem passing judgements. Justin’s no help either, all he does is say how much he loves me and that we should just get married. I don’t know how he thinks that will fix anything. He can be so naive sometimes.

My father has taken this whole thing relatively well, all things considered. He’s definitely not excited to be a grandfather, but he’s been so focused on this meeting I think he’s actually come to terms with it. He’s made it clear that I will be finishing college, and that’s his biggest concern. Of course I’m finishing college. My mother, on the other hand, still won’t talk to me. 

As we pulled into Justin’s driveway my father stopped the car and turned over to me, “Listen, Mackenzie, I want you to understand that this might be difficult, but it is out of Justin’s control. Whatever solution we come up with today may not be exactly what you want to hear, but I promise we’re going to make sure it’s fair. You know Justin isn’t a normal twenty year old, and there are a lot of things that he has to consider that a normal twenty year old wouldn’t have to. He has a lot on his plate, a lot of people rely on him. Justin has some really hard decisions he’s going to have to make, and honestly he may not have much of a choice when it comes down to it. I just want you to prepare yourself, prepare for the worst. Alright, sweetie?”

“Was that supposed to be a pep talk?” I leaned back and took a deep breath.

He chuckled and kissed my forehead, “We’ll have discussions today, we don’t have to agree to anything. Don’t sign anything without me, in fact don’t sign anything at all. We’ll spend some time thinking about whatever we need to think about. You have to realize this is going to be more like a business transaction than anything else. A lot of people have a lot of money riding on Justin’s success,” he paused like he was waiting for a response, I’m not sure what I’ms supposed to say.  He offered a calming smile, “Got it, Big Mac?”

“Don’t call me that,” I whined, “Seriously dad, that’s like the worst thing you could call me.”

He chuckled again and grabbed his briefcase before getting out of the car. I followed him to the door where he rang the doorbell. I gave him a weird look as I opened it and walked inside. 

There were three men in suits sitting on couches in the living room. I didn’t recognize any of them, and they didn’t seem to even notice we were there. Justin’s mother was siting at the far end of the living room, I quickly turned the other way. 

“Hi,” Justin quickly came from the other room and kissed me gently, “I’m so sorry abut all of this,” he turned to my father, “Mr. C, I’m really sorry. This isn’t my— I don’t even know what’s—“

“It’s alright Justin, try to relax,” my father calmly placed his hand on Justin’s shoulder. 

Justin took a deep breath as three more men in suits, and a woman came into the room. Then Justin’s manager came into the room, one of the few faces I actually recognized. 

We went into the dining room and sat down around the large table. My father and I sat next to each other at the head of the table, surrounded by fifteen lawyers, agents, publicists, managers, record company executives, and of course Justin’s parents, who all seemed to be shooting daggers at me. We were seriously outnumbered. Justin’s mother called for her son to sit next to her, at the opposite end of the table from me, but Justin ignored her completely and pulled a chair up next to me. 

“Let’s get started, shall we?” one of the men began. 

“Do you want some water? Let me get you some water,” Justin stood up and went into the kitchen before I could tell him not to. I think he’s more nervous than I am, and it’s only making me freak out more. 

When he came back into the room he placed a bottle of water in front of my father and one in front of me. He nervously licked his lips and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans before reaching under the table to grab my hand. 

“OK Justin, are we ready?”

Justin swallowed hard and nodded his head. 

“As you’re well aware, Mr. Cole, we have a bit of a situation on our hands. We need to get it under control immediately. If anything were to get out to the public, to Justin’s fans, it would be a complete disaster. Therefore, we need to take the required steps to assure that does not happen. As a team, we’ve discussed possible solutions and are open to your input.”

My father nodded his head, “Let’s hear it.”

I looked over at Justin, sitting on my right, and tried to comprehend how they were calling my pregnancy a “situation”. He sat nervously looking at his hands. 

“As you know,” he man continued, “Mr. Timberlake is in a very unique situation. He is in the public eye in a world famous boyband, he has many young fans who have posters of him on their walls. This situation can, and will, ruin his career.”

“That’s not true,” Justin spoke up, still looking at his hands in his lap, “That doesn’t have to be true.”

“Justin, let us handle this,” one of the other men said. 

“Why don’t we start with a few of the options we’ve come up with?” yet another man began,  “The first option, the safest option, would be an abortion.”

“WHAT?” Justin and I both shouted together.

“No, absolutely not,” I continued, in shock that they would even suggest that. How can they possibly even suggest that? How dare they think they can tell me what to do with a baby growing inside of my body. 

“Are you out of your mind?” Justin finally looked up, “You’re out of your fucking mind.”

“OK, relax. We’re just throwing out the options,” the first man continued, “Adoption is another option.”

I shook my head and felt my eyes begin to water. 

“Mackenzie is keeping the baby. That’s not up for debate. Don’t waste our time with stupid suggestions. ” my father spoke up, “Do you have any serious options or are we just going to leave””

“Alright, let’s talk about some other options,” a balding, heavyset man began,  “First of all, it goes without saying that everything is dependent on a paternity test. Given the results state that Justin is, in fact, the father, this is what we’re willing to do. A gag order will be signed, and Ms. Cole will get a generous stipend for keeping her mouth shut and everything out of the media. Along with the stipend, Ms. Cole will receive an agreed upon monthly child support, that is up for discussion. The world will not know about this, and as long as it stays that way, Ms. Cole will be rewarded financially,” he paused and looked at the papers in front of him, “The conditions, of course besides the gag order, are that the relationship between Ms. Cole and Mr. Timberlake will terminate. There will be no contact. Mr. Timberlake will have no part in the raising of this child. They will go their separate ways and live their lives as if none of this ever happened.”

“What? No,” Justin shouted, “We didn’t discuss this, this isn't happening. I never agreed to any of this,” he turned to me and my father, “I never heard this before, this isn’t what I want. I swear to God, I didn’t agree to this.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t process the idea of dropping all communication with Justin, never mind the idea of my child growing up without any knowledge of his or her father.  I turned to my father, waiting for him to say something to fix it all. 

He placed his hand on mine to stop me from shaking, “And if we’re not willing to do that?”

“Well, that wouldn’t be your smartest move, Mr. Cole. The final option is that Mr. Timberlake will deny any involvement with your daughter. We will treat the whole situation as fiction, that Ms. Cole is looking for money and to take advantage of a young celebrity. These kinds of things happen frequently, Mr. Cole, I know you’re aware of that. Any tests you claim to have will be proven incorrect, and we will make sure that Mr. Timberlake is in no way linked to Ms. Cole.”

“What? What is happening?” Justin ran his hands through his hair, “You know I’m the one that got her pregnant, right? You know we’re together, we’re in love. I’m not going to just walk away and drop all contact with her. I’m not going to just forget I have a kid.  You’re all out of your fucking minds, you know that, right?”

“Mr. Timberlake will pay a generous amount of child support,” the man continued, as if Justin wasn’t even in the room, “Enough for Ms. Cole to have the help she needs, being it a nanny or what have you. She’ll be able to finish college and still afford to pay the bills. We’ll discuss the specifics.”

“No. Why are you still talking?” Justin shouted as he stood up and started pacing around, “Come up with another solution, cause this isn’t it.”

“Justin sit down!” his mother scolded, “I am not going to sit back and let this whore ruin your life.”

“Excuse me?” my father stood up, ready to pounce, “You know Mackenzie is my daughter, correct?”

“You know she tricked my son into getting her pregnant, correct?”

“I will not sit here and allow you to talk to my daughter, my client like that. It is clear you do not know my daughter, nor do you know your own son. Because if you did, you would understand that these are two kids who fell in love and made some mistakes. We are not going to point fingers or blame one of them over the other. They both made the decision together, and they will both suffer the consequences.”

“You don’t know my boy,” Justin’s mother continued, “I’m not going to sit here and pretend this whole thing isn’t just part of her plan. She shouldn’t get anything. We shouldn’t be paying her, that’s what she wants!”

“Stop! My god would you stop?” Justin shouted, “You are all our of your minds, no one is even listening to me. This is my life. It’s not about a fucking record deal. It’s between Mac and me, that’s it. We get a say. Why are ya’ll acting like what we want doesn’t even matter?” he grabbed onto my arm, ”Come on, we don’t need to sit here and listen to this bullshit. Ya’ll can come up with something that isn’t absolutely ridiculous or you’ll let us deal with this on our own.”

It was a pleasant surprise that he stood up for himself like that, I know it’s not easy for him. I’m not stupid enough to think that actually means we have any control over any of this, but it does make me feel a little better. Justin led me outside and we sat in silence by the infinity pool looking over the Hollywood Hills.

“I’m so sorry about all this,” he spoke up softly. 

“It’s not your fault.”

“It’s completely my fault. If I didn’t do all this, if I was a normal guy, none of this would even—“

“If only you were Michael from Kentucky,” I broke in with a smile. 

“If only,” he smiled before putting his arm around me and kissing my forehead, “I love you, Mac.”

“I love you.”

“That’s all that matters.”

I rested my head on his shoulder, trying to hold back the tears. It’s not all that matters, and when he says stuff like that it really scares me. There are so many other things that matter, and he’s living in a fairy tale if he doesn’t get that.

“Let’s run away,” I offered.

He coughed back a laugh, “Where we going?”

“Disneyland.”

“OK,” he chuckled, “I was thinking more like a deserted island somewhere but sure, we could go down the street to Disney.’

“We can hide in the castle, they’ll never find us there.”

As I looked out at the city below us, I felt everything beginning to slip away. I knew it would never be the same between us. No matter how much I wanted to deny it, the truth was neither of us had any control over this pregnancy.

“Ready, Mackenzie?” I looked up to see my father standing behind us. I nodded my head and stood up.

Justin jumped up, “Mr. C, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what they’re trying to do.”

“You need to talk to your lawyers, Justin,” my father answered calmly,  “You need to help them figure this out, you can’t just expect them to have your best interests at heart. They won’t. They care about money, they don’t care about your feelings,” he turned to me, “Let’s go, Mackenzie.”

“I can take you home,” Justin grabbed onto my arm to stop me from walking away, “I can take you home later.”

“I have to go.” I answered calmly, wrapping my arms over his shoulders and kissing him gently. 

“I’ll call you later,” he promised as he followed my father and I to the car, “I am sorry, Mr. C.”

“Talk to your lawyers, Justin.”

My father and I drove away in silence. My brain was working overtime trying to figure my life out. I’m not stupid, I know this isn’t possibly going to work out the way we want it to. 

“Where are you going, kiddo?” 

“Home,” I answered softly as my father turned off the highway at the exit to my parent’s house. 

When we walked into the house my mother was busy getting dinner ready in the kitchen, “How’d it go?” she asked before looking up. When she did, in fact, look up and see I was there, she turned her back to me and moved to the sink. 

My mother still hates me. 

I really need my mother to stop hating me.

I slowly made my way into the kitchen, trying desperately to hold it together. 

“It’s been a tough day,” my father answered, placing his briefcase on the couch as he took off his jacket and loosened his tie, “She needs her mother. Jacqueline, your daughter needs her mother.”

I stood behind my mother and slowly wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on her shoulder. She let out a sigh and turned around, grabbing my head in her hands. My mother kissed my forehead before hugging me tightly, causing me to let loose and cry in her arms. 

“It’s going to be alright Mackenzie, it’s all going to be work out. Sit down, I’ll make us some tea.”

My mother making me tea is her way of saying she’s ready to talk to me again. She’s finally ready to stop punishing me for my horrible mistakes and is going to help me get through it. I need my mother, I need her advice and she’s one of the few people that can make me feel better.

The doorbell rang and my father came out of his office to answer the door. He looked back at my mother and I, wondering if either of us was expecting anyone. He let out a noticeable sigh when he opened the door to see Justin standing in front of him. 

“Justin, I think Mackenzie needs some time to talk to her mother.”

Justin bit at his lip and nodded his head, looking into the kitchen then back at my father, “I’m actually here to see you, Mr. C. Do you have a minute?”

“It’s not really a good time.”

“I understand, I didn’t know Mac would be here,” he answered softly, nervously running his hands through his hair as he looked at his feet.

“What is it that you need?”

Justin swallowed hard and licked his lips before speaking, “Remember when we first met? You said you were sure there’s a line of people waiting to take advantage of me and you'd help me out if they were? I know they are, and I know you can’t be my lawyer but I’d really appreciate some advice,” he paused to catch his breath, “I really don’t know what to do and I don’t think any of my people care about what’s best for me, they’re just focused on the money and I know you can’t tell me what to do but maybe you could recommend someone or explain some options that I have or—“

“Alright,” my father broke in and placed a hand on Justin’s shoulder, “Come into my office.”