March 2014

When I woke up I was in a dark hospital room. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Justin leaning against the window sill typing on his iPhone. My head was throbbing and I was exhausted. 

Justin looked over at me and smiled, putting his phone in his pocket, “Hey. You’re up.”

I smiled softly and turned my head to the empty chair next to me, “Did you call Chris?”

“Yeah, I did. He didn’t answer, but I left a message.He’s probably still at the X-Games. But he never answers when I call so… I’ll try again in a little while.” Justin said before sat down in the chair and grabbed onto my hand, “How are you feeling?”

“I’m alright. What’s the damage?”

“They wouldn’t tell me too much. I’m not… ya’know, family. But based on the cast I’d say you broke you leg. There’s a big ol’ egg on your head. That’s gotten bigger since I brought you in. God, you really scared me Mac” he paused and placed a finger on my chin before slowly leaning down, “And three stitches on your lip. Maybe four?” he moved my chin towards him so he could get a better look, “No, three.”

“Pretty impressive,” I said as he leaned away.

“I’d say. The doctor said you’re a little brain dead but turns out that was a preexisting condition,” he leaned back in the chair with a half smile, proud of himself. 

“So funny,” I answered with an eye roll. 

He chuckled and leaned forward, “You’ve been out for awhile, you scared the shit out of me. Don’t do that anymore, alright?”

I coughed back a laugh, “I’m fine.”

“Of course you are, not like you’d tell me if you weren’t. Should I call your parents?”

“No,” I answered quickly, “I’m fine they’ll just freak out.”

“Alright, you’re call” he shrugged, “I mean, they had you back there for awhile and the nurses have been coming in like every ten minutes to check on you.”

“That’s what happens in a hospital,” I answered calmly. 

“I know that but,” he paused and looked around, not anywhere near satisfied with my answer, “I think you should get the doctor in here to tell you what’s going on, don’t you think?”

“They’ll come in.”

“I know but… honestly what does it hurt to get the doctor in here?”

I sighed and grabbed his hand, “I swear I’m fine. Hand me my chart and if there’s anything to worry about I’ll call the doctor.”

Justin stood up and grabbed my chart, somewhat satisfied with the compromise. I pressed the button on the side of the bed so I was sitting up and scanned the chart. Justin’s eyes were on me the whole time. I dropped the chart in my lap and turned to him, “Have you always been this annoying?”

“Probably,” he answered with a half smile, “Have you always been this stubborn?”

“Probably,” I shrugged with a laugh before picking up the chart again. “Nothing serious.”

“Are you even looking at it?”

I let out a sigh, trying to remember him ever being this annoying. “I looked at it and I promise the doctor will come in. Seriously. I’m fine.”

“Mom?” I heard the sound of my son’s worried voice and looked to the door. Chris stood there, like he’d just seen a ghost. I tried to smile but that seemed to get him even more freaked out. 

“Hey honey, come on in. How are you doing?”

He rushed over to my side looked me over, “Are you ok? What happened?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine, come sit,” I motioned to the chair Justin had just moved away from. I reached out for his hand but he didn’t even notice it, he looked scared out of his mind. I shouldn’t have had Justin call him, I should have waited until I look better. 

“What happened?”

“You know me, just a bit of a klutz,” I smiled, hoping for some kind of a smile or laugh from my son but got nothing. I grabbed onto his hand, “I’m really fine sweetheart, just a couple bumps.”

It wasn’t until then when I looked up to see Matt standing beside my son. My heart started beating quickly in my chest, but he offered a sweet smile that was able to calm me down. 

“Hey Mac, how are you doing?”

“Hi Matt. I’m…I’m fine, how are you?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” he chuckled at our awkwardness, “Are you alright though? Got yourself a bit of a concussion?”

“Yeah, a little concussion,“ I answered, certain I was sounding like a three year old but unable to get that under control. 

“And a couple stitches?” I nodded my head, “And a broken leg?”

“In three places, that’s kind of impressive, right?”

“Yeah, pretty impressive,” Matt laughed then pulled a chair next to Chris and sat down, “Are you alright, buddy? She’s going to be fine. Sometimes when you hit your head you get a little confused and a little loopy. But that’s normal. She’ll be back to her normal level of loopy soon.”

“Hey!”

Chris cracked a smile and that was good enough for me.

“Are they taking good care of you? Need more medicine or anything?” Matt asked as he grabbed the chart from my lap. 

“I think I’ve had plenty of medicine. I could use a milkshake.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked and turned to Chris, “Are you alright, buddy?”

Chris nodded his head but kept his eyes on me like a hawk, I reached out to grab his hand to try to calm him down. I don’t think there’s anything I can do to help him relax. 

I looked to the windowsill and saw Justin. My heart started beating quickly again as I remembered Justin and Matt are here, in the same room. With Chris, too. 

I nervously licked my lips, feeling the stitches with my tongue and took a deep breath to get it all over with.  “This is um, Justin. Chris’s father. Justin this is—“

“Matt,” Justin broke in and moved closer, “Oh wow, hey. Matt. What’s up?”

“Hey man,” Matt stood up and shook his hand, “How’ve you been? it’s been awhile.”

I looked between the two of them, sharing a quick hug. Then turned to Chris, who looked even more confused than me. 

What is happening?

“Yeah, I’m good,” Justin paused as it finally clicked, “Wait. You’re Matt? Boyfriend Matt?”

“Yeah, well no, but—“ Matt stopped and looked at me, then back at Justin and pointed to Chris, “You’re his father?”

“You two know each other?” I shouted. I didn’t mean to shout but, what is happening?

“Yeah, I mean we…” 

“Wait, you know each other?” it was Chris’s turn to yell.  There’s only so much he can handle in one day and it seems we reached his point. “How the fuck do you know each other?”

“Whoa, whoa,” Matt and I answered at the same time, causing Chris to throw his hands in the air. 

“Seriously. How?”

I would like to know the answer to that question myself, so I looked between Matt and Justin waiting for an explanation. 

Matt took a deep breath before beginning, “We used to play ball together. You know, I used to play with a group of guys I went to school with and some guys I work with. Justin used to stop by if he was in town. It’s been awhile though, I mean, a few years at least, right?”

“Yeah, a few years,” Justin agreed.

“You play ball every Thursday,” Chris stared right at Matt. I could feel Chris’s heart breaking, he’s looked up to  Matt since they first met and now he feels like Matt’s been hiding this from him the whole time. He’s already feeling out of the loop with everything involving Justin. I’m sure he took some sort of relief in knowing that at least Matt didn’t know Justin, but now it’s just him. 

“I don’t play anymore,” Justin quickly spoke up, seeing the look of betrayal in Chris’s eyes, “I haven’t played in awhile, I’ve been really busy. We don’t know each other really well, Chris. Matt’s friends with some of my friends. Our paths crossed a couple times. I don’t even know his last name.”

“He’s right,” Matt nodded his head, “We can talk about it later if you want, but let’s try to focus on your mom for now, alright?”

Chris nodded his head, but was still pissed. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the floor. 

And then there was silence. So much silence it was torture. Maybe I should be the one to speak, but I’m still trying to get my head around the fact that they only two men I’ve ever loved in my life happen to be old friends. 

“She’s doing well,” Justin spoke up, pulling another chair close to the bed, “We were hiking and she tripped on something and fell. But she’s going to be fine.” I watched Justin trying to assure Chris, when just minutes ago he was telling me to call the doctor because even though I think I’m ok he seemed to think there was something wrong with me. 

“Yeah,” Matt smiled over at Chris, trying to assure him, “She’ll be fine.”

“You don’t need to talk about me like I’m not sitting right here,” I put my hand out to Chris and he grabbed onto it, “I’m fine. I promise. It’s just a little scary cause it’s right on my face and there’s this ugly bump and stitches are messing up my usually beautiful face,” I smiled, “But we’re at the best hospital in Los Angeles, and all the doctors and nurses in this wing used to work with Nana so they’re going to take good care of me.”

I watched the three of them sitting in a row: Chris, Matt, Justin.  My dear son and the only two men I’ve ever loved in my life. I’m not surprised for a second that either of them is here, even though Matt and I aren’t exactly on the best of terms. It also doesn’t surprise me for a second that Matt was the first one Chris called. That breaks my heart a little. 

I was feeling tired again, and tried to keep my eyes open. Matt watched me carefully, only stopping to look over and check on Chris. Justin looked between me, his phone, and the television. He’s always had a hard time sitting still, and he’s been here all day so I can’t really blame him. 

Justin turned his phone off, stood up, and placed it in his back pocket, “I need a coffee. Do you guys want a coffee? Matt?”

“Yeah, that’d be good.”

“Chris, want a soda or something? Hot chocolate? Coffee? You’re a teenager now, how about a beer?” Justin chuckled. 

“Really?” I asked out of disbelief. 

“Joking, obviously not a beer,” Justin smiled, “Come on, let’s go for a walk and give your mom and Matt a minute.”

Chris looked at me, and I nodded my head, “Go ahead, sweetie. Get me a milkshake.”

Matt waited until they left to move into Chris’s chair, “You really need to be more careful, kid.”

“I’m always careful.”

“Yeah,” he laughed before nodding his head towards the door, “Good guy.”

“Justin? Yeah.”

“Where were you?”

“Honestly I have no idea. It was some hidden trail. Chris was supposed to come but he refused —“

“Chris refused to go on a hike?” he asked out of disbelief, it’s hard to imagine the same boy that used to beg us to go on a hike every Saturday would refuse to go on one today. 

I nodded my head, “I know. He’s like an obnoxious teenager when it comes to Justin.”

“Well, you can’t really blame him, Mac. It’s a lot to throw at him.”

“I know. But what else was I supposed to do? It was always really complicated and I couldn’t just—“ I felt myself getting too tense, so paused and closed my eyes, not really wanting to get into it.  

“You just have to give him some time, is what I’m saying.”

“Yeah, I know. I just hope he doesn’t start acting obnoxious to you now. He feels like everyone knew except him.”

“Well I definitely didn’t know,” Matt nodded his head and stared into space. 

I hate this.

I really hate this. 

How is it possible out of all the people in Los Angeles, Matt and Justin turn out to be old friends? There’s got to be thousands, hundreds of thousands of people in this city but somehow these two know each other. 

This is such an awkward situation, and I hate that I’m putting Matt through it. He shuffled in the chair, moving from leaning back to resting his arms on his knees and running his hand through his hair. 

“I’m…” I began softly, not sure if I should be apologizing or how to even deal with this, “Are you ok? I mean…” I trailed off. 

He shook his head like he wasn’t going to answer, but then proceeded to answer, “It’s crazy. This is crazy. I just… it’s going to take a little while for this whole thing to make sense. I mean, I was playing ball with him and then came over and took care of his son. And I had no idea.”

I swallowed hard and got defensive, “I didn’t know you played ball with him.”

“Yeah, of course you didn’t,” he nodded his head, still looking into space, “You wouldn’t have told me even if you knew. You would have told him, probably, but you wouldn’t have told me,” he turned his head away from me before continuing, “It’s fine. I get it.”

“It’s really complicated. I couldn’t just tell you. There were so many pieces to the puzzle that I couldn’t just…”

“Yeah. I’m sure,” he answered before running his hand through his shaggy hair. He took deep breath, letting it out through his lips, “It’s fine. We don’t… it’s none of my business.”

“It was your business,” I offered, “If you want to talk about it we —“

“Not now, I don’t want to talk about it now,” he turned to look at me, “It feels so unbelievably wrong to talk about that now while you’re here.” Matt shook his head to clear his thoughts, “I’m glad you’re ok.”

I smiled and grabbed onto his hand, “Thanks for bringing Chris.”

“Yeah, of course. He called, he was scared so I went right over. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is though. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiled one of those smiles that made me want to just fall into his arms and miss him so much, “What do you need?”

“I’m really ok. Don’t worry about me.”

“That would be so much easier if you weren’t laying in a hospital bed telling me this.”

I laughed, “It’s just a little bump.”

“You are so lucky you don’t have to look at yourself right now.”

I slapped his arm, “Be nice.”

He smiled before getting back to being serious, “Want me to call your parents?”

“No,” I shook my head, “they’ll just worry.”

“Maybe they should worry,” he looked me over, “Seriously Mac, you’re pretty beat up.”

“Matt, really. I know what’s happening, I just need to rest off the concussion and then when the swelling goes down they’ll let me go home.”

“Are you sure that’s all there is? The leg and the concussion and the stitches?”

I nodded my head. 

“Because I know you, and I know the way you always try to protect everyone. So if there’s something more serious you should call your parents.”

I bit at my bottom lip and smiled, “I’m going to be fine.”

“So you’ve said.”

“Relax Matthew, it’s not a big deal,” I reached for his hand again, “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too. Even though you look… so horrible, I mean really. Have you seen yourself? Is there a mirror somewhere?”

I laughed as I held onto his hand, “Don’t make me laugh, it hurts when I laugh. It’s really good to see you. I missed you a little bit.”

Matt chuckled, “Yeah, I guess I missed you a little bit too. Maybe we should do this again some time when you’re not stuck in a hospital bed.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I smiled, enjoying our moment. I did miss him, I’ve been so busy worrying about Chris and Justin that I forgot about how much I miss Matt. 

“What were you doing when Chris called? Working?”

Matt nodded his head, “It’s ok though, it’s not—“

“You don’t have to stay. I’m not your problem anymore.”

“Oh no?” he coughed back a laugh, “I got off easy with that one, didn’t I?”

“You really did,” I laughed. 

He ran his hands through his hair again and took a deep breath, “What about Chris?”

“He’ll be ok, we’ll play cards or something.”

“Want me to come pick him up later?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

Matt nodded his head and took a deep breath, “You shouldn’t stay here alone. Is Justin going to stay?”

“Yeah, I think so. He kind of feels responsible.”

“He is kind of responsible,” Matt answered with a smile, “he should know better than to take you to the canyon without the proper padding.”

I laughed, “He hasn’t seen me in awhile. I used to be pretty coordinated.”

“I bet,” he chuckled and grabbed onto my hand, “Will you call me if he leaves? I don’t want you here alone. Not even overnight, I can come back.”

I smiled and pulled his hand to my face, kissing it gently, “You don’t need to worry about me, but yes, I will.”

“And you’ll call me if you want me to come get Chris? He can stay with me.”

“Thank you, I will.”

“And you’ll call me when you get home?”

“Yeah, ok.”

“You won’t, will you?”

“Yes I will! I promise!”

“Alright,” he nodded his head, “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“Because it makes you wonder what you ever saw in me in the first place?”

“Yeah, something like that,” he smiled and leaned over to kiss my forehead, “Be careful, alright? Don’t go thinking you know everything and not listening to the doctors.”

“Yes, sir.”

“One coffee,” Justin walked into the room and handed Matt his coffee. Matt stood up and grabbed the coffee as Chris fell back to his chair, holding tightly onto his bottle of Mountain Dew.

“Well, I have to head back to work. So, thanks for the coffee, man.” Matt said as he shook Justin’s hand. He moved over to Chris, who slouched back in his chair, ignoring him completely and focusing on the bottle in his hand.  “Yo, Chris,” Matt gently kicked his chair, “Come walk me out.”

“No, I’m good.”

“Oh, get up,” Matt said again, “don’t be a brat.”

Chris let out an annoyed, obnoxious teenager sigh and stood up. 

“Nice to see you again,” Matt turned to Justin and then shook his head and looked back at me, “Be careful, Mac. Will ya?”

“Thanks Matt, I’m sure Chris will thank you for bringing him here while he walks you out.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Matt answered with a smile as he left the room, Chris following reluctantly behind. 

Once they were safely out of sight Justin sat down next to me, “So Matt Long, huh?” he asked with a smile.

“You do know his last name!”

“I do now. We walked out of the room and the only thing Chris would say to me was ‘Long, his last name is Long’”

I laughed, “He’s really pissed. Tell me the truth.”

“That’s the truth! I really hardly know him. I do know he’s a good guy, owns his own business, right? Skateboarding, right?”

“Surfing. His company designs surfboards and wetsuits.”

“Oh yeah, right. He’s really good with Chris, huh? I should take notes.” I nodded my head, “Sounds like quite the catch, Mackenzie. How’d you let that one get away?”

I closed my eyes and pretended I was asleep. There’s no chance I’m going to talk about that with him, especially not while I’m stranded in a hospital bed. 

“You can’t just pretend to sleep, you know,” he chuckled.

“I’m not pretending. It’s on my chart, may fall asleep without warning.”

“Alright, we won’t talk about it. I mean, I talked to you about Kate but whatever, don’t talk to me about Matt.”

I shrugged, I don’t care if he’s trying to make me feel bad. It’s not working. 

The doctor came in and took me to run some more tests. When I came back I was so exhausted I couldn’t even keep my eyes open. 

When I woke up my head was pounding. I slowly opened my eyes to see Justin and Chris quietly playing cards in the corner of the room, then closed them when it hurt to keep them open. 

“How are you doing?” I heard Justin’s voice. 

“Yeah I’m,” I paused and rubbed my forehead, “Can you call the nurse?”

“Yeah,” I heard a chair pull out and Justin walk out of the room and soon felt Chris grabbing my hand. 

“Are you ok, Mom?”

“Yeah sweetie, I’m ok. I just have a really bad headache and I need some more medicine,” I squeezed his hand, “Are you doing ok? I know it’s been a tough day.”

“Did you know that Matt and Justin know each other?”

I laughed softly, I almost forgot about all that. “Nope, no idea.”

“Matt said you never told him.”

“I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because, like I told you, it was complicated. I didn’t tell anyone. If I was going to tell anyone I would have told you.”

Justin and the nurse came into the room, and Chris was done talking about it. It’s almost like he feels like he has to sneak over and ask me because he doesn’t want to talk about any of this in front of Justin. Although, I kind of wish he would talk about it with Justin. 

It didn’t take long for the medicine to make me feel better. When I opened my eyes I looked out of the window and saw it was pitch black outside. 

“Do you know what time it is?”

“8:30,” Justin said after reaching for his phone. 

“Did you eat dinner?”

“We had some chips from the vending machine,” Chris answered. 

I laughed softly, “That’s not dinner, you need real dinner. I think you should go home,” I turned to Justin, “You both need to get some sleep. I’m fine here, you can come back in the morning.”

“No, I don’t want to go,” Chris answered quickly, “I can sleep here, why can’t I sleep here?”

“I don’t even want to sleep here, you definitely don’t want to sleep here. I can call Kelly and see if she’ll come get you.”

“I can stay with Matt,” Chris spoke, “Matt said I could stay with him.”

“No, we’re not calling Matt, he can’t keep driving back and forth.”

“But he said I could stay with him,” Chris whined. 

I took a deep breath, “Chris, really we’re not talking about this. I can call Kelly.”

“I can take him,” Justin spoke up, causing both Chris and I to freeze in our tracks, “Why don’t you come home with me? There’s plenty of room. We’ll just get some dinner and we’ll come back first thing in the morning.”

Chris turned to look at me, I’m not sure if he wants me to send him home with Justin or somehow save him from it, “I can call Kelly if you want,” I offered. 

Chris shrugged, turned to Justin then back to me, “I’ll just go with him.”

Justin tried desperately to hide the smile that was covering his face, but he didn’t do a very good job of it. Small victories are still victories after all. 

“OK, great. Listen to Justin and be good. Call me if you need anything,” I’m starting to get nervous, the first time Justin and Chris are alone and I’m stuck in a hospital room unable to save either of them if necessary.

“We’ll be fine,” Justin assured me. 

I nodded my head, “OK. Have a goodnight, try to get some sleep,” Chris leaned down to hug me, “Be good.”

“I’ll be good, I’m just going to sleep,” Chris said as he grabbed his phone and his bottle of Mountain Dew and headed towards the door. 

“Goodnight Mac, call me if you need anything,” Justin leaned down to give me a hug and whispered, “Wish me luck.”

“You’ll be fine,” I whispered with a smile, “I’ll see you both in the morning.”