I sat down at the kitchen table playing with the spoon in my coffee as Justin read the paper, “What?” he put the paper down and looked at me
“What, what?” I didn’t even say anything; I’m just sitting her minding my own business thinking away. He grabbed the spoon from my coffee and threw it in the sink behind him. All right then.
So I ended up staying over last night… obviously. But I’m so fucking confused with him. He acts like a complete asshole sometimes and then he’s sweet and tells me he was worried about me. And he did say he was sorry, that’s a huge step for him. But it’s like everything is so hot and cold with him. I can’t deal with this if it’s going to stay like this.
He’s been kind of distant since yesterday though. He still wants to know why I was late. I’m not a good liar; I should have come up with a better excuse. If I tell him the truth he’s going to get mad. OK I hope he gets mad, he probably won’t. I’ve been getting a lot of calls since I’ve been back for other people’s tours for the summer. I know Justin’s tour starts up again soon, but I really don’t know if it’s a good idea to go with him. I was at a meeting yesterday with people for Usher’s tour, a meeting that ran way too late. At first I turned them down but they really want me to go and are offering me a lot of money. So I told them I’d think about it.
This relationship with Justin is really fucked up, there’s no way around it. And I know that I like to spend time with him and everything but it will never be anything more. I don’t want to be like this forever. I want to get married someday. I want kids. It would never work with us, and I feel like maybe I’m missing out on other people that it could work out with. But then again, it is going to be hard to just walk away from Justin. He’s really helped me out a lot and we do have a connection unlike one I’ve ever had with anyone else. But I’m still trying to figure out if that’s a good thing.
I took a deep breath and decided now was the time to at least bring it up, “So um… I got an offer to go on tour with Usher” Justin didn’t say anything, he didn’t even look up, he just continued reading the sports section of the newspaper as if he has successfully learned how to tune my voice out completely, “Did you hear me?”
“Yeah” he finally looked up, “When is it?”
“In the summer, it’s like a world tour” I paused waiting for some kind of reaction. He could tell me not to do it and that he wants me to stay here with him and I really think I would. But he’s not going to say that because he doesn’t want me to stay. I’m just another girl to him. Even if he did want me to stay he would never admit to it.
“Cool” he looked back at the paper in front of him. That’s it. That’s all I get?
“Yeah, it’s all summer” I paused
I could see him nodding his head from behind the paper, “Are you going?”
“I don’t know. I would get like… almost double what you’re giving me”
“Then do it”
“Yeah I think I will” I paused as I grabbed the entertainment section of the newspaper to hide the fact that I’m pretty sure my eyes are just going to open up and let the tears come pouring out like a tidal wave. Now he’s telling me to go. It’s one thing if he doesn’t tell me to stay; I understand that he has too much pride for that. But the fact that he’s encouraging it makes me sick to the stomach. I'm a good dancer dammit. He's telling me to go even in a professional standpoint. It's one thing that he doesn't care to have my company on the tour, but he's seriously saying that even professionally he could do without me dancing on his tour. “If you don’t want me to go just say so and I won’t” I finished quickly, regretting the words before they even came out of my mouth. Why did I just say that?
He took a second and then put the paper down, looking me in the eye, “Why would I want you to stay? I don’t care Maddie. Go” he went back to reading the paper, of course he doesn’t want me to stay. Why would I think that maybe, just maybe he likes having me around? He obviously doesn’t care about me. When has he ever even showed me that he cares? It was a fluke when I thought he did. Like yesterday when he said he was afraid I was in a ditch somewhere. That wasn’t because he thought I could be dead or something, it was because there would be a hole in his performance. Ok, we’ve had our moments but the truth is there’s plenty more moments where it’s obvious he hates me than there are that there might be something more.
“I’ve been getting a lot of offers,” she said and I nodded my head. She’s going through my fucking head today
“Who?” I asked because I knew that’s what she wanted to hear, even though I couldn’t give a fuck. I kept reading the sports section as she spoke
“Rihanna, Ashlee Simpson”
I heard myself chuckle, “You’re going to leave touring with me to go on tour with fucking Ashlee Simpson?”
“I didn’t say I was going to I just said I got an offer”
“Well yeah, who would want to dance in front of sold out arenas when you could dance in front of half packed clubs?” I saw her roll her eyes, “Who else?”
“Britney Spears’ comeback tour”
I laughed, not even trying to hide it, “You should tour with her, for sure” I said as I stood up and grabbed some more coffee, “That would be fucking amazing. You’d be good friends”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’d be friends,” I laughed
“What the fuck? Do I look like a crack whore with two kids who doesn’t pay attention to them?”
She’s really offended that I would even think that they were even the slightest bit similar, “Calm down, I don’t mean it in a bad way. I dated her my whole fucking childhood” she stood up and poured herself some more coffee, “How much is she paying?”
“A lot. I’m not doing it though”
“Why not?”
“She’s crazy”
“Yeah” I added with a chuckle, “Plus there’d be competition. At least Usher’s hot right? Who would you fuck on her tour?”
“You’re a fucking asshole” she walked away from me, she takes everything so personal.
“Calm down, I’m kidding”
“You’re a fucking comedian”
“Maddie, come on” I grabbed on to her hand and pulled her on my lap,
“Want to go swimming?”
“No”
“Want to make out?”
“No” she said with a slight smile
“Want to have sex?”
“No” she couldn’t hide the smile this time
“Want to bake a cake?”
“No” she giggled
“Are you sure you don’t want to have sex?” she nodded, “Not even make out?”
“Stop” she laughed as she tried to stand up but I wouldn’t let her up
“I really want to go swimming”
“Then go swimming”
“OK, let’s go” I stood up with her in my arms
“No stop, I said I don’t want to”
“You’re going to make me go by myself?”
“Yup. I’ll watch you” she nodded her head and smiled and then I saw the smile slowly slide off her face, “There’s people in your bushes”
“What?” I asked as I looked over to see the wonderful members of the paparazzi that were indeed hiding in the bushes with their camera lenses sticking out. I turned around with her still in my arms and opened the door back up, letting my dogs out. They went running down to the fence and scared the shit out of those bastards.
“Problem solved,” she said with a giggle
“That problem is solved, but now there’s a new one”
“What’s that?”
“If you should plug your nose or not” I laughed as I jumped in the water with her in my arms
“What the hell? I said I didn’t want to go swimming,” I said as I swam to the ladder to get out. Why the hell did he just jump in the water with me in his arms? How old is he?
“Aww, come on” he chuckled, “You’re really mad?”
“I said I didn’t want to go swimming and then you throw me in”
“Technically I did not throw you in. I jumped in, you happened to be in my arms” he thinks he’s cute.
“I’m wet, am I not?”
He got one of those dorky smiles on his face, “I like it when you’re wet”
I rolled my eyes as I climbed out of the pool, “I’m going home”
I heard him chuckle as he got out of the water himself, “Are you seriously that pissed off that you got pushed into the pool?” he asked as he grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me. It’s not just the fact that you pushed me into a pool asshole, it has to do with these fucking mixed up signals you’ve given me since day one.
“I didn’t want to go swimming”
“Alright, I’m sorry” he said as he wrapped his arms around me, “You can’t leave, the cinnamon buns are ready”
I heard myself laugh. It is a little weird that he likes to bake, “I don’t even like cinnamon buns”
“That’s complete bullshit. They’re hot and they melt in your mouth and with all the frosting and shit” I shook my head, “The frosting is like wiped cream” he paused and gave me that sexy smile, “I know for a fact you like whipped cream Madison”
“I only like whipped cream when it’s on something”
“Alright” he nodded his head, “I’m willing to put cinnamon buns on my body”
“Shut up” I laughed
“Take off your clothes I’ll put them in the dryer”
“Take off your clothes and put them in the dryer”
“I’m a step ahead of you babe,” he said as he came back wearing a pair of sweatpants and no shirt. He tossed me one of his t-shirts and I pulled it on after taking my clothes off. I followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the counter as he got the cinnamon buns out of the oven, they do smell good, “How can you possibly tell me you don’t like these?”
“OK, they smell good” I admitted
“Ok, they smell good” he mimicked as he wrapped his arms around me,
“We have time to make out a little before they’re cool enough to eat” he really is a complete loser sometimes. But it is nice to just kiss we never really just kiss. Not that I’m complaining, but we skipped that whole making out stage.
The doorbell rang and he pulled away from me so fast, “Shit” he went to look out the door and came back, “Can you… go upstairs for a second?”
“Who is it?”
“It’s just my buddy, Trace”
“Are you serious?”
“It will just be ten minutes. Not even. He had to bring me something and then he’ll be gone. And the cinnamon buns will be cooled perfectly by that time”
I would like to know why he’s so ashamed of me. I’ve never met his friend Trace, it’s not like he’s on the tour. I get that he doesn’t want anyone on the tour to know but this kid has never even been to one of the shows. I took a dramatic deep breath and hopped off the counter, “Thanks baby” he said before kissing me one last time. He waited for me to be upstairs completely and then opened the door and I waited quietly in his bedroom for his buddy to leave so I could come out of hiding.
“What’s up man?” I asked as I opened the door and he walked past me
“Am I interrupting something?”
“No?”
“There’s a car out there”
“Oh yeah. It’s one of the dancers, it got stuck at the studio so she had it towed here because it was closer”
He nodded his head and laughed, “Here I am thinking you’re getting laid but it’s just a car”
Yeah well, we need to make this fast or she’s going to leave and I can count out getting laid altogether, “So what’s going on?” I asked as I looked up to see his sister was with him, “Damn, Brit, I haven’t seen you in awhile, how are you?” I asked as I gave her a hug
“Good, I’m good”
“Dude you got fucking cinnamon buns?” Trace asked as he helped himself to them
“God Trace, you could ask” his sister said
“What the fuck? He made them, no one’s here who are they for?”
Shit.
Twenty-five minutes later I heard Justin calling up the stairs, “Maddie, you can come down” I can’t believe I really had to hide in his room while his friend was here. I feel like I’m the other girl and he’s in a serious relationship with someone else and I’m the one he’s cheating with,
“Thanks”
I nodded my head as I walked past him and into the kitchen. All the cinnamon buns were gone. Good thing I didn’t go home a couple hours ago when I wanted to and stayed for those damn cinnamon buns that are no longer even there. He really pisses me off so much sometimes. I walked right back upstairs and got all my things together, “Come on Maddie, they just ate them all”
I nodded my head, “I can see that”
He took a deep breath, “I tried to save you one but…”
“It’s ok” I don’t even want to hear his excuses. He didn’t save me one because they thought he was here alone so it doesn’t matter if they ate them all. And he couldn’t just tell them to save one because then they’d ask questions and we can’t have that, “I’m going home”
“I’ll make more,” he offered and I shook my head. He doesn’t get that it’s so much more than the cinnamon buns. I don’t even like them. I can’t do this anymore. I walked into the laundry room and grabbed my slightly damp clothes from the dryer and quickly pulled them on, “I can make more, they won’t take long”
I shook my head, “I don’t want any” even though now he got me all excited about them.
“Do you want me to make you some eggs or something? I have the right color cheese”
“I have to go Justin. I’ll see you later” I said as I grabbed my bag and walked out of his house. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Thank you all so much for reading and leaving the feedback. I really wasn't sure about this story but you all make me want to keep writing haha. Thanks again!
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