I don’t think he even listened to one thing I said. I pulled my clothes on as I walked down the stairs and into his living room. Honestly, he wasn’t listening to anything and he doesn’t even care. I don’t know why I thought he would care. I don’t expect him to care but I thought maybe I’d get a little more of a reaction. Maybe he’d at least open his eyes once or possibly remove his arm from over his face. I’m doing the right thing though, he’s an asshole and I don’t need him.
That’s proof, right there, that it doesn’t matter to him. He can just call someone else, or just walk outside and find another girl that will be fine with dealing with his bullshit. I let it get too far. I should have broken it off a long time ago and then I wouldn’t have this feeling in my stomach. I cannot believe I let myself get so attached.
“Shit” I called out as soon as I heard the door slam shut. I stood up, banged my hand against the dresser, and kicked my foot against the bed… in that order, “Shit” that hurt, now I’m sitting back down. What should I have done, ran after her? I don’t want a relationship with her, but I don’t want the sex to stop either. What is it with girls that they can’t just have fun there always has to be a title. I thought Maddie was different. She started off being different but then out of nowhere… POW she’s just like every other damn girl in the world. I don’t know what I was thinking.
And where the fuck does she get off ending it with me? And now she’s going on tour with fucking Usher? I gave her my tour; Marty didn’t even want to put her on it. I put my foot down and said we had to get her. And now she’s leaving MY tour? No. It doesn’t work like that. If it weren’t for me she’d still be walking dogs and teaching dance classes to second graders.
Just out of nowhere she leaves. I don’t understand how she just leaves. It’s not even like we got in a fight. I would think after all the fights we’ve had she would leave after one of those instead of after a good night. I made her fucking strawberry shortcake. She should have let me know her plans before I spent my night cooking her damn dinner. Or maybe before I got her that purse.
She’s so fucked up. It’s like she needs to fight with me and if things go good she gets scared and runs away from it. I don’t need to deal with her shit. I have too many other things going on to worry about her and her fucking mood swings. It’s for the best. She can easily be replaced.
As I drove back to my apartment I felt tears falling down my face. I hate that he’s an asshole and he doesn’t even care that I’m gone. He probably already has another girl to hook up with him. It’s not fair that he has so many girls that will do anything he wants them to do. It’s not fair that I’m so replaceable to him. I parked my car and quickly walked up to my room so no one would see me doing the walk of shame with tears falling down my face. I saw my cell phone on the kitchen table where I had left it the night before telling me there was a voice message waiting for me. I pressed 123 to get to my voice mail, “Hey Madison this is Scott Mutter from Usher’s Tour. We’re just calling to see if you’ve made your decision. We really would love for you to come on tour with us and we’re willing to negotiate the pay schedule so please call me back ASAP. Thanks sweetie, I’m looking forward to talking to you”
I took a deep breath to calm myself down before dialing the number. It went right to voicemail since it is seven in the morning, “Hi Scott this is Madison…Ward. I just got your message and um… yeah I’d love to be on the tour. So give me a call to let me know about the details. Talk to you soon, thanks Scott” I flipped my phone shut and threw it on the couch before taking another deep breath and falling on my bed.
Now it’s seven o’clock in the morning and I’m wide away because Maddie could not have waited a couple hours to tell me she’s done with my bullshit. How about I’m done with her bullshit? The sound of my cell phone ringing made me jump out of bed. That’s right. She changed her mind and wants to come back for more. Maybe I should just let her sweat it out a little. Maybe I’ll just tell her I agree and she’s right, we should be done and I don’t want to take her back. I could try that, even though I probably wouldn’t be able to pull it off.
When I finally made it to my phone I saw on the caller ID that it was not Madison like I had hoped but my mother, “Hey”
“You’re up? I didn’t think you’d be up. I was planning on leaving a message”
“Well, you got me instead, what’s up?”
“Is everything alright?”
I swear she has a sixth sense that she can tell whenever shit is going on in my life. I know I’m close to my mother and I tell her everything but sometimes I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not thirteen anymore and I can’t very well tell her that the dancer I’ve been fucking is secret for the past year decided she doesn’t want to bone anymore. She’d be on the next flight out her to kick my ass for not telling her I was “seeing” someone or for having someone that I was purely using for sex. “Yeah, what’s going on?”
“When are you coming home next?”
I took a deep breath and fell back on the bed. Here we go. Sometimes she just does not get that I cannot physically go home whenever I feel like it, “I don’t know Ma…”
“I’m just wondering” she cut me off. She knew right away that I was not feeling her nagging, “Do you remember Tracy Winters?”
Remember her? She was my first kiss when I was five. My first real girlfriend, “Yeah” I answered
“She’s getting married” she paused waiting for me to respond
“OK”
“OK?” she laughed, “Baby, the wedding is in the summer, I was talking to her mother. She wants you to come”
“Who? Tracy or her mother?”
“Well… I was talking to her mother. But I’m sure it’s Tracy that wants you to come. I don’t know why she would invite you if Trace didn’t want you there”
I laughed. There is really no way in hell that I want to spend a night at a wedding watching my first girlfriend get married to someone I’ve never met. I could think of a million things that I’d rather do... like have a root canal or a vasectomy. “I doubt I’ll be home for it Ma”
“Alright. I’ll tell her if you’re home you’d love to go”
“Sounds good”
“So, what’s going on in your life sweetie? I haven’t talked to you in awhile”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve been busy, sorry”
“Everything’s going alright?” I nodded my head, “You sound like something’s bothering you”
Why do mothers always fucking know? “I’m fine Ma, I’m just tired”
“Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything”
“I’m sure” I broke in before she was done. I can’t very well tell her anything. I could when I was twelve. But I can’t share my problems about fucking with her.
My cell phone ringing woke me from my sleep. I did not get any sleep last night because I was worried about telling Justin. Maybe he’s calling me now to tell me he’s sorry for always being such an asshole and he wants me to come back so we can talk about it. I grabbed my phone and looked at the caller ID to quickly see it was not Justin’s number, but a number I did not recognize at all. Maybe he’s calling me from a different number.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Madison?” not Justin
“Yes”
“This is Scott, from Usher’s tour. How are you?”
“Oh, hi”
“Did I wake you? I’m sorry”
“Oh no, no. I was awake” I lied. I should not be sleeping at one in the afternoon. That looks bad.
“So I just got your message, and we’re very excited”
“Great, I’m excited too”
“So it’s official then? You’re going to come on the tour?”
I nodded my head and opened my mouth but the words just would not come out. I physically could not tell him that I wanted to go on tour with Usher. I don’t know why but I couldn’t do it. Ok, I know why. Probably because I don’t want to go on tour with Usher. But I have to. I have to do this or I’ll stay here and go on tour with Justin again and go through the same bullshit all over again. “Mmmhmm” I managed to get out, even though I still could not say the simple word yes or any form of it.
“Great. We’re going to start rehearsing next Monday at eleven. You can just sign the paperwork then if that’s ok”
“Alright”
“So eleven to about four, and then we’ll be rehearsing for the next two weeks same time until we get it down. I’ll email you the specifics”
“OK, thanks Scott”
“Alright, I’ll see you Monday at eleven”
“Bye” I said as I hung up the phone. Eleven to four? Is her serious? Five hours of dance? I feel like that’s not possible. We worked on Justin’s tour from like six in the morning to nine at night. I don’t know if this is going to be a good idea.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it took so long... I was at the real Justin's show haha. Thanks a lot for reading!
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